My goodness! I forced myself to not laugh since I've been having a bad cough lately, an laughing only makes it worse. So I smiled. And shook my head in laughter, telling my little iPod screen, "My goodness, what was Natalie thinking? She should be a songwriter! No, a rapper!" and to answer your disclaimer: JKR might not write this, but I believe you would

Author's Response: Sorry to hear about your cold. :( BAD COLD, GO AWAY! And I am considering a career in rapping, since I sometimes record raps to amuse myself. Thanks!!

I had a lot of fun reading this! It was very conversational and even though it was about vigilance, it felt not as dark as many poems about fighting are. But that can be a very good thing! It shows that even amidst terror and chaos, there can still be laughs and fun. It is how we cope with our trials that define who we are, and I think this poem does a good job of showing that, especially since you chose a character who was tough and willing to stand up for what he felt was right. :)
Great job!

~Nagini Riddle

Sure! I will leave a review! I have to admit that I blushed, and I don't think I'll ever be like Molly, able to discuss things like that! :) at any rate, I'm curious as to how the mysterious man plays into this...

Hey! I'm reviewing, too! I see why Celie can't have children, but still, I have to ask why you chose them to only have two children? I'm not doubting your awesome story skills- in fact, I know that Ashley is a handful! I also know that Celie is getting older and probably won't be able to have children anyways due to her age, but I feel so bad for her in the Accidental Family when she says she can't have anymore kids!
After all she went through, I still think I would make a good Celie! :) isn't it funny that this whole thing started simply because Celie looked at a dog! I feel like I've grown with Celie, as if I'm a part of this story, and I have to say you do such a good job of relaying emotions through your writing. And now I feel like the younger Celie, wanting to be a mother... Sigh. Still a teenager, though. :) great story! Off to continue reading

Okay, I feel bad now! I know how it feels to be emotionally screwed up, and I'm happy that Celie was able to push past it, despite the level of fear and psychological impact that event had on her! And I'm happy that she loves her daughters and spends time with them! Every child needs a mother! (and a loving father!)

Awwwwww!!!!!! Babies are so darn adorable! Even when they cry!
I loved this story so much! I hope you update the Accidental Family soon, so I can continue on to chapter 11. :) and hopefully, the series doesn't stop! Still wish I was Celie...

Oh wow! If I try really hard, I can almost rap this! What a great song! I want to read more about Dominique now. :) What I always find funny about raps is that they are just sentences said really fast to some rhythm. They aren't what I would consider "lyrical poetry" like most songs are. But I find that your rap song has a lyrical sense to it. Great job!
Just a side note- you really only used one bad word- was it really necessary? Either take it out or go crazy. Just a suggestion.

Author's Response: Hello, Kaylee!

I love Mockingbird -- it was the first song of Eminem's that I heard, and I bloody loved it. Ummm, I've deleted the story I had written on Dominique, though she does appear in another one, Blood and Roses, so do check that out if it's your thing. But I'm not sure it would be -- I don't think you're into slash (correct me if I'm wrong) and it is, ha, slashy :P

YAY to you finding it lyrical despite the very much non-lyricism of it :D I disagree with you on the swearword, however. Eminem only used the f-word right at the end, and I find swearing far more effective if it's used sporadically rather than too much. I also don't think Bill would be one to swear a lot -- only when the safety of his daughter is concerned does he get really angry, I suppose.

This is definitely not one of my favourite poems (I'm not much of a poet anyway), so it means a lot that you liked it :) Ta for the review.

Soraya xxx

Well, where is the rest of this story??????? I was all ready for more, because you have set up a brilliant story! I think you've captured Snape really well, and poor Lily just sees the boy who was her childhood friend, although I think that she does see the good that is in him.
Keep this story going!!! Please!!!! :D

Okay, I have to review these again!!!!!! They are just so beautifully written and I am in awe!


i. Betrayal

We roamed the night, a foursome strong and free.
The forest bound our friendship fast and true,
And yet our bond was one we’d come to rue:
For you betrayed our love and loyalty.
First off, the rhyme scheme is so well done! The rhyme isn't forced and it allows the true regret and betrayal come through. :) I love how it has a dark sense to it because you mentioned how they became friends in a dark forest. And my heart breaks at the bitter tone in the last two lines- we have come to regret our friendship with you because you are a traitor! It makes me shiver, and I hope to never be a traitor! My only nitpick is that the rhythm of the poem isn't quite iambic and seems slightly off... But I don't know how to help with that, since I am not an expert on meter or rhythm! Still, the stanza works, and it broke my heart!

You turned-abandoned light to serve the dark;
The shadow in your soul now somehow bought.
Whether feared or forced it matters not:
For you betrayed us when you took the Mark.

Very nice imagery! I can see the darkness an shadows forcing themselves onto Peter. And I actually liked that you said "Mark" instead of dark mark, because it lends to ambiguity. He was marked in more ways than one, and each mark was a betrayal and drive him farther from "the good side."

We trusted you, above all else we gave
Our faith-our very lives-into your hand!
And yet you broke our hope, our desperate plan:
For you betrayed them to their final grave.

First off, I love how you allude to the Secret-Keeer job. Their lives were in Peter's hands, literally! I also enjoyed that you didn't say death, but implied that they lost their lives by going to their final grave, which has a spooky effect on me and scares me, especially with Halloween so close now.... :)

Run, you spineless coward, traitor, spy:
For I will never rest until you die.

The shift into directness and this bitter hateful tone scared me. It whacked me in my heart, no joke. Th threat is so strong and terrorizing, but at the same time, you wrote the rest of the poem so well that I can feel the justification in wanting to kill Peter. Great job on your poem! It doesn't matter if it wasn't iambic or anything- in fact, it's entirely possible it is iambic and I just didn't pick up on it. I said I am horrible at meter!


ii. Regret

I gave myself unto a master dark,
Who took my life, my hand, my every friend.
He left me naught but silver in the end,
And bleak regret that I did take the Mark.

I really liked how this tied so well into the other poem. You have repeating motifs that are depressing yet gorgeous at the same time.
And great allusion to the silver hand!!!! He really did leave him silver, didn't he? The hand child him in the end....

I know I sold their lives to save my own!
I mourn it still to this, my dying day.
The end is near and now I cannot say:
That I regret the pain you’ve always known.

I wonder if Peter really did feel any regret for his actions. But I love how depressing this stanza was. It leaves me sad that they lived for so with the feeling of regret and revenge. It just really pricks my heart.

For I was wrong, my choice a craven deed
That no repentance ever can undo.
False friend, dishonest rat-I know it’s true.
I do regret the life you've had to lead.

Great word choice!!! "Craven" has become my favorite word of the entire piece. And, the fact that his regrets are directed towards his friends and not at himself tells me that maybe he feels he deserves what happened to him. How depressing!

I am a spineless coward, traitor, spy:
But now, at last, in darkness I can die.

What a great way to tie this into the other sonnet! It must take a lot of guts to admit to being a coward, and it is really sad that he left himself to die in the darkness!

These poems were fantastic!!!! I have thoroughly enjoyed then the second time around. I seem to be reading a lot of depressing poetry... ;)

Keep it up!!!!!! I want to read more poems from you! :)

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: A very belated thank you for such an amazing review!! I am not sure what I did to deserve such a heap of loveliness, but I really appreciate it. I wrote these poems about a year ago now and always hoped they'd get a bit more of a response. Now my wish is fulfilled! I do believe this is iambic, as that is the standard meter for a sonnet. I'm glad they worked so well together. Yes, I do think Peter felt regret. Sometimes I find it so hard to believe that James, Sirius, and Remus could be friends with someone like him without there being something worth being friends with, you know? Something pushed him to do what he did, and I do think it was hard for him. As for writing more poems...I used to write more for archive challenges, now it's mostly when the inspiration hits. It does take me some work, lol. I'm still so glad you came by to read these two poems and leave such a gorgeous review. Sorry for the belated gratitude and rambly reply. Thank youuuuuu! ~Gina :)

Ah, if only Cissy had decided to follow Andromeda... Bellatrix- I don't know what to say about her. She is twisted, but it is partially her family's fault for teaching her such values. It makes me wonder why some children follow in their parents' footsteps and others don't...
Great poem, by the way, and thanks, too, for giving me the information for joining the contests! I hope I will do well in them! :)

Author's Response: Yes. -sigh- The Blacks were a piece of work. I think the difference was that Bellatrix had an inherent cruelty in her which was unleashed by her service under Volders. >.< Thanks for the read and review!