Penname: Nagini Riddle [Contact]
Real name: Kaylee
Member Since: 04/28/12
Website:
Beta-reader:
Status: Member
Bio:
I love Harry Potter fan fiction, because it allows my imagination to run free!
I probably could be doing something more productive, but since I love to read and write, and hope to be an author one day, this doesn't seem like a whole waste of time!!!!
I love this site so much. It really let's me challenge my mind and see things in a whole new light.
Go fan fiction!!!!!

EDIT: I am a poetry nut! So watch out for all my poetry and you can even check some of my poetry out on Poetry Anyone? in the Beta Forums, if you are able to get an account. :) Also watch out if you write poetry, too! I am sure to review it, and possibly leave behind a critique!

Since I write so much poetry, I thought I would make a list of my actual stories that are on the archives:

Completed:
If I Die Young
His Last Descendant
In the Realms of Jealousy
The Autumn Air
A Darker Nightmare
Vanishing Point
The Ghosts that Follow
The Baby-Sitter
Kill It Before It Dies
The Sight of Her
A Christmas Meal of Snow
The Man of Hogsmeade
Set in Silver Stone
Unfaithful

WIP:
Murder in the Moonlight

To Follow:
I Stood in the Ruins
Questions (tentative title)
Eclipse of the Heart


Here are all my poems (in order of update):

Poetry
Her Hand
His Only Friend
Mad World
Refusal
Negotiation With Death
An Unexpected Turn
The Coffin Brawl
Wasted Space
One Sweet Night
Life in Technicolor
The Bice Day
Dark Side
The Day the Music Died
Shades of Grey
The Endless Road
The Foulest Creature
The Lone Sentry
If No One Will Listen
Soiled
Just a Diary
Frozen
An Empty Photograph
Moonlight
Death's Horizon
The Canvas Life
The Sun Sets in Paradise
Grand Adage
The Banished Howl
Hear Me
Celestina's Songbook: Summer Lovin'
The Certain Dark
The Cursed Ruin
A Greying View
Silent Ash
Left Behind
Save You
With Silent Wounds
The Snow Globe
A Wintry Lust
Hogsmeade Lights
The Calming
The Possibility
Today I Do Not Want To Be...
Walls
A Brief Star
Beautiful Disaster
Where is Your Heart
Fix You
The Black Rose
A Failing Mission
The Darkest Realm
Godric's Hollow
Halo
Unspeakable
Hidden Mysteries
Salire
The Seasons Change
Petrified Desire
In Anguish
Paradeisos
In Final Minutes
The Wrong Child
For the Man on the Street
Something Better
Faust Arp
The Silver Doe/The Silver Stag
Fallen Leaves
Red is the color of death
Living Shroud
Little Bruno and the Evil Elf
Eternal Ice
For the Hero
Magical
The Frost in Melancholy
It's Christmas Time in Diagon Alley
It Came Upon A Charm So Clear
A Ravenclaw's Blue Christmas
Frēodōm
Corpses of the Shadow and the Night
You Just Wink (First Impressions)
His
In Agony
Killing Me Softly
Separation
Absentia
Don't Let Me Go
Pax Tecum (Peace Be With You)
Casualties
Blind Weakness
The Show Must Go On
A Coming War?
At the Battlefront
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Reviews by Nagini Riddle
 

Ron Retorts by EatMyPixieDust
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: A five-stanza companion piece to Hermione Hates, again from GoF to the DH battle, but from Ron's POV. Somewhat blunt, as to his nature.

DH spoilers warning is very mild, but just to be safe.
There is also very mild cursing, but not enough for a warning.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 135 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/10/11 Updated: 08/15/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/01/12 Title: Chapter 1: Poem

You hate me.
You are bawling in your dormitory and
It's all my fault you say, but
I have absolutely no idea
What the bloody hell is going on.


Typical of men!!!!! They never understand what is going on. Of course, we women don't give them much to go off of... But I love how you made Hermione like... Hermione! Bawling in her room! Very nice imagery, and I could picture it so well. I felt bad for Ron, because I kind of knew how he felt. You have me hooked! I also like the directness used, which makes it seem like Ron is actually saying this.

You despise me.
Okay, so maybe it was my fault
But I can snog whomever I like,
And don't you think you're being
A bit dramatic?


On the defensive! I again enjoyed how abrupt Ron was and I also loved the way you write each first line. They get gradually nicer. :) And Ron is right. He can do whatever he wants to- but the consequences, he has to watch out for. And Hermione being upset is one of them. Isn't that nice? :)

You pity me.
I left for a reason, and
as far as I'm concerned
your ruddy Horcruxes can go and
jump off a cliff.


Ooh! Snippy and rude! Just like Ron. You captured his language so well! I am very impressed. I have a tendency to not be so abrupt in my writing, but this works so well for Ron. I can imagine him, storming off and Disapparating, shouting that he doesn't want to be part of the search anymore.

You need me.
My eyes open wide
As your screams tear my heart out.
If it's the last thing I do,
I'll kill that woman.


Now this was just beautiful. I like the imagery coming into play, and I can feel Ron's loyalty to Hermione as he plots to kill Bellatrix. I especially loved the first line, followed by the the next two heartbreaking lines. The simplicity of Ron's language just allows the story to unfold, and I can't find any way to make it better.

You love me.
My heart soars in triumph,
We found each other, and I don't care
That Harry's watching, we are together
And I intend for us to stay that way.


Yay! My only crit- I think that you could have italicized "love" in the first line to really emphasize it. But other than that, I felt really happy, and the gradual change you used from hate to love was just splendid! Great job! You captured Ron's voice magnificently.

I also loved the title. "Ron Retorts" sounds so appropriate, especially after reading the poem, because it captures his character well, and also the relationship that Hermione and Ron have developed.

Keep it up! I want to see some more poems/stories, especially those that capture Ron!!!!!

~Nagini Riddle

 

Always by Astoria Greengrass
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Lily Potter is a part of Severus Snape. She won't let him alone when he sleeps, he only dreams of her. In the end dreams are all he has.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 298 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/15/11 Updated: 08/15/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Always

First off, I want to express how beautiful this poem was. It made me want to cry.

The night is starless when you sleep
All shadow, memories
Beneath the dark hood of your eye
You see her angel face
It's come back through time and space
To haunt your hidden heart
Yet even in the waking hours
She's never left your side


The imagery is just so beautiful! I love the contrast of dark hood to angel. That was genius! I am left feeling empty and sad, just like Snape.
:(

Lily
You whisper her name
In the mist it's just the two of you
Lying together where none can reach
When in truth you lay alone


Oh how the imagination can torture us! I really love the repeat of "Lily" because it really let's me see the poor man crying her name. And I can relate to him thinking about her as he lies in bed, his life no longer bright and cheery. Sigh. I am now despondent....

Lily
Her back is turned
Shining hair like bleeding fire
All passion and your soul
It glimmers though there is no light
Soft to the touch and rich


Ooh!!!!! Bleeding fire! That has to be my favorite description of the entire piece. So beautiful an tragic! And yet, it is soft. I am imagining a fire-flower with soft, dewy petals...

Lily look at me!
You stretch out your hand
But in this state she's moving farther away
Looser than inconstant air
Just beyond your longing grasp


Oh this reminds me of my own poem about Snape, titled "Hear Me." It's not on the archives yet, but in my own poem, he is desperate for Lily's attention. I feel that way with this poem- he wants her to look at him and not leave! It reminds me also of dreams when no matter how hard you try, you can't make out the faces around you, and sometimes you just can't control the dream...

Lily don't leave!
It's the cry wrought from your lips
Stringing the fibers that you're made of
Into a rope to hold her back
And still she's walking toward the edge
To fall where you are blind


Wow! This imagery is very striking. I love the fibers being woven into a rope! And the fact that she is going where Snape can't makes my heart break. The edges of cliffs are dangerous!!!!! No, Lily!

Lily...please...
At last she faces you for a moment
Once more before the last
The soft, sad smile on her mouth
Breaks you apart on the floor
Yet her eyes as green as brand new life
Can only put you back together
And her lips part as if to speak
To damn you or answer your prayers
The silence of the stillness around
Chokes back your bated breath
Then everything is ripped away
Mist, love, dreams, and her
All fading into nothingness
As daylight stabs your hopes
You wake to a new day of no color
Dim compared to the ghost's glow
Sweat lingers on your corpse dead skin
You're dead without her there
Agony flows from your eyes
The drops are green
You weep where none can see you
Over the words she'll never say.


Oh my goodness. She finally turns around, but it taunts him!!! And the color green is so beautiful in this poem. What an imagery!!! I imagine tiny drops reflecting the emerald color of Lily's eyes.
And a day of no color! I see a bleak gray nothingness. The only thing I found superfluous was "corpse dead skin." I think that it interrupts the flow of language. Perhaps change "corpse" to "coarse" because the "p" sound in "corpse" makes the line a bit of a mouthful and hinders the rhythm. But other than that, I can really feel the agony of Snape's pain, and I love how you used "you" because it makes me actually feel like Severus, without even realizing it. Great job!

This poem was just- I can't think of a better word for magnificent. I could really feel the emotions and see the imagery here. What a talent! I wonder how long it took you to write this. :)

Keep it up! I want to read more of these types of poems!!!

~Nagini Riddle (contemplating if killing Severus was a good deed...)

 

I Always Knew by Dragon_Lily
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Snape reflects on losing his one true love.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 115 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/15/11 Updated: 08/16/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: I Always Knew

Hello!!!! I've come to drop a review into your lap!

Love is undeniable and undefinable,
But I always knew.
She would and could never be mine,
Although my love was true.


I rather liked how this started out. It reminded me not only of the song by Adele, but it reminded me of another song by Madonna, "Like A Prayer." It may be due to the fact that you start out by saying that love is basically a mystery. The rhyme scheme is simple and I find that it actually works for the poem, though I feel that perhaps it could have done without the rhyme. It is Snape that is talking after all, but the rhyme actually allowed the simple language take over. Very nice!

And it happened just the way I thought it would.
Slowly but surely their love grew.
The thing I dreaded most:
But I always knew.


Gah. I hate James Potter, and this only makes me like him less. I really like the anaphora of "I knew" that is present in the poem. It is rather poignant and sad, and is totally relatable because we sometimes do know that something won't go our way, yet we try for it anyway, to show we can deny fate- but sometimes we can't. Poor Severus... I'm curious as to whether or not you support Sev/Lily.

It was to come slow and steady.
The tortoise not the hare.
And to tell her how I feel,
I would never dare.


Things always seem to happen slow- but then they also seem fast at the same time. But I like how you said it was slow, because it shows that Severus could have won, but he was too scared and let time slip away from him. Plus, by alluding to the tortoise, I am surprised that the tortoise, who I am assuming is Snape, didn't win! It takes a cliche and makes it fresh. James was too much of a Hare, yet he still won...

And then just like in my dreams,
Nightmares more or less,
I lost her for this life time,
Bound by love to my eternal test.


Truthfully, I'm confused at the eternal test part. What does it mean? What are you trying to say? That he is in a test for eternity? But what test?

Please treat her well, sir,
She deserves the very best.
I loved her through and through,
But alas, I always knew.


Hmm. I didn't like the word sir. I think it works better without that word. Snape still hates James, remember? And "please" seems not at all like Snape either. I think the line would read better as "Treat her well." Snape would be more commanding, and by taking out "please" and "sir" helps the line become so.
Also, your rhyme scheme doesn't fit. In all the other stanzas, your 2nd and 4th lines rhymed; in the last stanza, you didn't do that. Consistency is the key when it comes to rhyme- so I suggest switching the middle lines to keep the rhyme scheme. The stanza will still make sense, and then it will be consistent with the rest of the poem.

Overall, I really enjoyed this! Poor Severus! He is my favorite character and it breaks my heart that he didn't get his love. I suppose it was inevitable, like your poem suggests, but there is a part of me that hopes their love is revived in another fan fiction.... :)

Keep it up!

~Nagini Riddle

 

Summary:

Year 3

A year of hard choices and tough talks:

Destiny learns about the grim reality that is her dad’s past. Then it is a power struggle between Salazar and Severus as the trio takes up Occlumency on Dumbledore’s orders. Drake finally asks Silver to open up to him but can she do so? And, is Silver the only one that is confused about feelings? Drake doesn’t think so. Will Salazar awake to the reality that lies in his heart?

Voldemort’s servant returns to his master and while two have discussed their status, the third must choose. Destiny must decide where she stands in the next war to come. The end of the year comes as a blow. Will the long time allies decide to separate or will they finally become something more?

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 131077 Chapters: 16 Completed: No
Published:
08/16/11 Updated: 02/06/14


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/25/13 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 10: The Call Of Their Own Kind

Well, I won't pretend that I wasn't shocked by much of what is happening. ;) But I do hope you continue to update, because I am looking forward to the next chapter!!!!

 

The Accidental Babysitters by Ruby Emeralds
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 22]

Summary: Hilarity reigns in the second sequel to The Accidental Godmother when Celie agrees to watch James and Albus Potter for the day at the Snape cottage. Told entirely from Snape’s uncensored point of view, he is initially disgusted with the presence of the Boy Who Lived’s young children in his house, but, like any good Slytherin, uses the opportunity to silently observe his wife’s peculiar behavior. Can a marriage be strengthened by a day of harmless babysitting? Read on to find out.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 13790 Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/26/11 Updated: 09/22/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: "You agreed to WHAT?"

Yay! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Again, I love this pairing! I hope they continue to have a lot of adventures!

Author's Response: Severus and Celie will have many more adventures in the next two sequels. Thank you for sending me such a sweet review! :) Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/29/12 Title: Chapter 2: Epilogue

Augh!!!! You dragged this on, and I was screaming, "Ruby, just come out and say it! Say she's pregnant!" *winks* still wishing that I could be Celie...
Great short story!!!!!!!!!!! I loved it! I love te characterization you have of Snape! It's perfect!

Author's Response: I'm thrilled to hear that you enjoyed the story! :) Sorry that I dragged out the revelation of the big surprise until the end of the chapter, but I thought it would be funny to show Severus being rather clueless (like most men are) about his wife's news. I can't wait to hear what you think about the next sequel. :) Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 

Albus Severus Potter by iLuna17
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary:

Different:



Different

I hear it from everyone,

I'm not who they say I should be

I'm Different, I'm me



Why?



The Slytherin,

The smart one,

The best seeker,

You had it all!

Even a girl who loved you,

So why'd you do it?



Too Late:



I've been pushed too far

The tornado's sucked me in,

and I doubt I'll ever see the light



My Fault:



Every time something happened

You were my shoulder to cry on

Now I'm crying about you

Something I've only done once



Too Special:



You always told me

"Life is like Quidditch,

You play for the thrill."

One of the thousand things

You taught me


Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mild Profanity, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 1480 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/16/11 Updated: 09/19/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Poems:

Wow. I don't know what to say. From the first line, my breath caught in my throat and my heart began to pain.
First off, your language was beautiful. It was simple, but agonizing and allowed the despair to really shine through. I also found that the varying points of view helped to give a stronger voice to the overall piece.
Now I shall attempt the brave process of reviewing each poem... :0

For Different:


Different
I hear it from everyone,
I'm not who they say I should be
I'm Different, I'm me

Who has the right to tell others what they should be? This stanza could have stood all on its own because of the strength in it. Though it is melancholic, it still has a powerful message- that we are "different" but that we are who we are. Poor Albus...

All because of a house
and a simple hat
My own family has turned,
Turned on me

My own brother glares,
My cousins shun me,
The only one who dares is him,
The savior, saving me

I cried! The fact that he would feel shunned just because he ended up in Slytherin! How alone he must have felt, especially since I'm sure his brother teased him endlessly. I also was rather attached to the fact that there was a savior mentioned, but I was curious as to who the savior was. Is it God or is it death? I could see both working in this context. I'm just curious what you were thinking.

Before this mess
when it wasn't all sour
He told me it didn't matter
But it does, to me

Why am I different?
Am I not brave like James
Or even smart like Dommie?
I'm not evil,
so why are they scared?
It's just me.


I really like the anaphora of "me" used throughout. It shows that individuals view things differently than most people seem to think. It sadden me that Albus wondered why he was different. I would like to think that if I had known him, we could have been "different" together. :)

I'm not cunning or ambitious,
but not brilliant or fearless,
I'm determined and quiet
That's just me

Sitting here in my dorm,
I now understand that batty old hat
I'm in Slytherin not because I'm afraid,
I'm just a different type of brave

I'm different from them all,
And that's perfect
Because in the end,
I am unique from everyone
I am me.


I think we all sometimes have trouble seeing the talents we can develop, but we should always remember that we all have strengths. We shouldn't wish to be someone else- because they are most likely wishing to be someone else, too. Plus, I find that individuality is sometimes pushed against in society, and I think we need to help save individuality. If we aren't individual, it is rather hard, I think, to be able to work together and appreciate each other's talents and strengths and weaknesses.

*~*~*~*

Why?

Why?
Why didn't you tell me?
Or dad? Or mum?
Or anyone?
We could have helped you. . .

Why, Al?
Was it my fault?
Did I make you do this?
I know I was tough,
but you were always the strong one
Always


I love how this starts out. It proves that we don't know what others think- we only see the outside. We need to learn to see the inside and then we can help each other pull through the difficulties in life. I think instead of assuming that someone is strong, we should do our best to be a good friend and let them open up to us, without pushing them into what they don't want.

The Slytherin,
The smart one,
The best seeker,
You had it all!
Even a girl who loved you,
So why'd you do it?

Having it all? I think this shows James' arrogance very well. I think that what is most important is not to be popular, but rather to accept yourself and learn to build lasting relationships with others. It does nobody any good to be alone, but just because someone has "the life" doesn't mean they don't feel alone, either. I am rather enjoying this thought process!

Did you think no one would care?
'Cause we do.
Rose hasn't said a word,
Mum hasn't stopped crying,
Lily hasn't come out of her room,
and Dad. . .
No one has ever seen him like this.

Why did you leave us in this mess?
Why did you leave your best friend?
Your little sister?
The girl you said you loved?
Why did you leave me?
I'm your big brother. . .

Just so simple yet powerful. The tone and language speak for itself, and it doesn't need any superfluous imagery or description. This was beautifully done.

I thought you could tell me anything.
My favorite line of this poem. It was genius to set it apart from the other stanzas, and it delivers a powerful message, that, once again, people think rather than know others well.

Looking back,
every fight that we had,
every time we said the word hate,
I would take everything back
Just to have you standing next to me

But I'm standing here alone
Watching you be lowered in the ground
You were only seventeen!
You didn't even graduate. . .
No one will know who you could have been
You're frozen in time,
just a memory

WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
Who pushed so close to the edge you fell?
Who threw you into a room so dark,
you thought you would never see the light?
Was the storm truly so bad that the rainbow would never come?
What happened, Al?
Why didn't you tell us?

You're gone.
Dead.
None of these questions will ever be answered.
Because you can't answer them.
You left us to try to piece it together,
but we can't.
You didn't even give us a note. . .

It just stabbed my heart and sucked out my soul to read this. I have nothing to add to its heartbreaking beauty, and all I can say is that I hope to never go through this pain.

So until we join you,
we will forever ask ourselves one question
Until I see you again, little bro. .

Why?

That question haunted me when my own brother passed away, and I feel like I connect to James on some level, though my brother died of natural causes rather than suicide. I'm glad you put in that James hopes to see Albus again some day. I feel the same way about my brother.

*~*~*~*

Too Late

You're standing here,
watching me
As I stand on the edge
You came just as I was about to jump
If only you were a second late. . .

Don't you see, James?
I can't get out
Death is the only way

I've been pushed too far
The tornado's sucked me in,
and I doubt I'll ever see the light

No one's heard what I've heard
Being the butt of every joke
The Slytherin Potter,
Son of the Boy Who Lived
The mistake.

Augh! I'm so depressed now. A mistake!!!! Don't think like that, Albus!!!!!!
It is rather poetic that he is on the edge, speaking this as he prepares to jump into the unknown. You really got into Albus' head, and now I think I may have to take therapy after this.

You should know,
your my brother
But you don't,
because I'm different

I can't live anymore,
I just can't
And Dad's not here right now,
but even if he was. . .
the savior can't help,
no one can save me

Who is the savior this time? Rose? Just curious. And full of melancholy.
I sometimes feel the pain of living is too much, and I can say that it hurts worse than insults thrown at you. But I also have to say that joy and hope keeps me going. And I hope that everyone out there has enough joy to power them through their trials!

Neither can you,
don't you see?
Everything my life has been
hasn't been worth it

Every joke,
every comment or glare,
It's all boiled over
I'm sick of being the quiet one,
the bullied,
the disgraceful son of a war hero,
I'm sick of being me

So I tell you the horrible things
And you just stare
the stupid map still clutched in your hand
And then I say good bye

To you, Jamie,
To sweet Lily,
To mum and dad,
and to Rosie
Even you're not worth living like this

And then I jump
And I hear a shout
But it wasn't mine. . .
It was you

You're trying to stop me,
but you're too late,
even a cushioning charm
can't save me
Nothing can

You drive the stake deeper into my heart with each line. I love how he names everyone rather than just saying "guys" or something else more groupish. It sort of puts into perspective that each person matters, and we are all individual.

Then you jump after me,
I see you just before I hit
Pain
Such Pain. . .

The charm had almost worked,
it softened the blow
But it wasn't enough,
it only made it worse

Then you hold me,
your little brother
in your arms as I slowly fade
And through the black
I see you cry

Suddenly, I want to try again
To take it all back,
to be strong for you
But it's too late

As the first tear hits the ground
everything goes away
All the pain,
all the feeling,
all of my life

But I whisper
one last thing
only two words,
that barely made a sound
because I know I hurt you
and everyone else
But I can't take it back
And I wouldn't

At least you'll know why. . .

Too much pain to bear! I need to take a moment of silence for Albus, here. And also grab a tissue. Or four.
Okay, this poem was tragically gorgeous. The fact that is was Albus' point of view was genius and really helped me understand the feelings he was having. Just beautiful.

*~*~*~*

My Fault

No
You're not
You didn't
It's not you
You wouldn't leave me. . .

I can't believe it
You were so strong
No matter what they said or did
You just shrugged it off
You were too strong to do this. . .

Every time something happened
You were my shoulder to cry on
Now I'm crying about you
Something I've only done once

When they took it too far
You almost died
But you didn't tell
Because you were too proud and stubborn
You told me you could handle it. . .

This shift again was just wrenching my heart out. It affected everyone who knew Albus, and that tells me just how important one person is. They can influence so many people with even the simplest acts.

I remember the day before
It all came crashing down
You and I were talking
And you turned to me
I should have told someone. . .

You told me it wasn't worth it
Life wasn't good enough
You begged me not to tell
So I didn't
Why didn't I?

Oh I have chills. And I suddenly feel so far away from everything. How do you capture this so well?

It's all my fault
Everyone crying
Lily
James
Aunt Ginny
Oh god
Uncle Harry
How could I do this to him?

It's too late
They'll never forgive me
I can't tell them
It's still your secret
And I couldn't do it
I'm not brave enough
It's all my fault

Oh, exactly how I felt when my brother passed away. Poor Rose! And the feeling never really goes away but haunts you. What if I had just done this at the right time? Would he still be alive? Isn't it interesting how we ask ourselves about things we cannot fix or change?

Maybe I should join you, Al. . .
Depressed!!!!!!!!!!! No, Rose! Don't do it! Life is too precious...

*~*~*~*

Too Special

Life
Live it to the fullest
Dad does
Mum does
Merlin knows James does
So why didn't you?

You always told me
"Life is like Quidditch,
You play for the thrill."
One of the thousand things
You taught me

So why didn't you finish the game?
You were always the caring older brother
Slightly overprotective of me
But I could always ask for help
No matter what the time

While I'm the oldest, I can still relate to how Lily feels. My brother and I were close, and I felt like I could go to him any time. But now, I can't. I also loved the Quidditch analogy used. It was very appropriate for this poem.

I remember when I would hurt
You always picked up the pieces
And stitched them together tight
Now the stitches have disappeared
Because you were them
You were always there for me

Ripped apart by your death
I've scattered to the winds,
Sobbing on the ground
And dad can't sow me together
Mum can't
James can't
Only you can, Al

And now my own soul is tearing while reading this. But it's true. There are some people we connect with really well who understand us and are always there for us. But to have that taken away would be so terrible and hard to cope with. Absolutely heart wrenching.

I always wondered why Rose worried
She said it was about you
I never did,
To me you were impervious
Until that day

You almost died, Al!
Yet you didn't care
I saw your sadness
and I'm sure Rose did, too

Later that night
While you two were whispering
I eavsdropped
It all started to make sense. . .

It was them, Al, wasn't it?
They made you do this
They made you fall apart
And no one could piece you together
You were too special for all of us

I don't blame you, Al
I really don't
You were the healer
The one who fixed everyone
But one person couldn't be fixed by you
You
You were too busy worrying about us
You were too good for any of us

Why did life hurl itself at you?
Why not me?
I was so rude to you
I never asked how you were
It was always about me
Me
Me
Me
It should have been about you

I cannot express how much I enjoyed your structure and diction and anaphora. The "me me me" really emphasizes how humans take but don't give. And now Lily sees that, and she wishes for a miracle to change that.

Then we wouldn't have to pick up the pieces alone
Because you were the one who always helped
You were so special, Al
Yet you never saw

So as I chase down every single piece of my soul
Each as fragile as glass
I know I'll always remember you, Al

Every day
Every minute
Every second
No one will ever forget you
You're too great for Earth, Al
Only Heaven deserves you

Goodbye, Albus
And if I only remember one thing
Though I'll remember everything
It's this
"Life is like Quidditch,
You play for the thrill."
Now I'll play for you
Only for you
Just for you

How many times can I say wonderful and you made me cry?
The ending was just perfect and really hit home how I felt for my own brother. Living on for him. Doing it for him. I cannot express how much that means to me.
I didn't expect to get all of that out of these poems!
Well, my fingers and wrists need a rest, and so does my brain and soul. Time to go eat ice cream... ;) No, time to ponder the meaning of life. The answer is 42!
Great- no, magnificent- poems. The subject was actually just right in order to get your point across. You have a real talent for capturing the emotions of each character. Just wonderful!

Hope to read more from you soon!

~Nagini Riddle

 

MC Pansy by Astoria Greengrass
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: A rap written for the MC Kreacher Challenge in Poetry Anyone. Slytherin's queen dishes it out. Loosely based around Swish and Flick Wrock and Tik Tok's beat by Ke$ha.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 372 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
09/18/11 Updated: 09/19/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: MC Pansy

Wow! Pansy is a little cretin, isn't she? :)
I would like to commend you for striving into the field of rap, of all the most difficult things (at least, for me)! You captured it so well! I could imagine Pansy in some backwards cap and chains and jeans and a jacket, rapping it up and putting some dance moves to it!
All I can say is, I hope Pansy changed her mind after the war! :)
Great job! I have found myself rather enjoying this music rap poems, and yours was no exception! Wonderful.

~Nagini Riddle

 

The Prince's Love by Miss B
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 1]

Summary: He loved her all his life...

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 190 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/20/11 Updated: 09/24/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: The Prince's Love

First off, I just want to say that I was moved. This not only was beautiful, the structure was so mature! I loved how you framed the poem.

The first time he saw her
They were both so young
The world was new
The world was theirs
The Prince had found love


One, I like that each stanza is five lines. Not too short but not too long. :) Also, I like that your first line has to do with time in almost every stanza, and then the third and fourth stanza mirror each other in word choice. Then the last line, always about love... Your anaphora is just gorgeous! It really helps the poem feel as one unit than separate ideas. I also like the simplicity in your diction, which allows the sophisticated structure shine through. I'm rather jealous. :)

Time spent happily
They became fast friends
Learning about each other's lives
Learning about themselves
She was the Prince's Love


The emphasis that he loved her and not necessarily the other way around is rather poignant in your poem. She found in him a friend, and certainly loved him, but as a friend, not the way Snape desired her. I rather enjoyed the emphasis that while learning about each other, they also learned about themselves, which is important about relations with others.

Time couldn't stop for them
They couldn't stay in happiness forever
Growing up was inevitable
Growing apart was too
Yet she was still the Prince's Love


Oh, cruel time! How it can change everyone. I really liked the emphasis on that in this stanza. :) yet, despite it all, he still loved her. It makes me cry!

Pride, reputations, and destiny got in the way
He refused to change his ways
She cried for what they used to have
She cried for what could have been
She was always the Prince's Love


This is where there is a slight break from the structure. I would have found the first line to have more of an impact if it had used the word time or referred to it. I can sort of relate things getting in the way to being "busy," a time word, but I feel you could have used that word for effect and to keep your structure. Other than that, I loved that it made Lily just as sad as it made Severus, and she wanted to stay friends, but found that life jut wouldn't permit it.

No longer even cordial
He hopelessly watched her leave
She had moved on to better things
She had moved on from him
The Prince's love remained


See, the first line uses "longer," another time related word, which is great! And this stanza really pulled at my heart- the fact that she moved on, but he couldn't. I connected to Severus at this point. :)

Then she was gone
Her heart no longer beat
Part of her lived on in her son
Part of her lives on in him
The Prince's love would live forever


I suppose "then" can be related to time, but again, I think you need another reference to time, to really emphasize that time doesn't wait for us to do what is right. I did, however, like how you showed that Harry carried on Lily's legacy. ;)

It was his time to rejoin her
This was the end for him
He had seen his eyes
He had seen her eyes
Always, she was the Prince's Love


Augh!!!! The eyes that always captivated him! Poor Severus!!!!!! This was a beautiful way to end the poem and also allude to the fact that Snape looked into Harry's eyes before dying- though he probably felt like he was looking at Lily's eyes for the last time. It's amazing how eyes can play a vital role as a symbol of not only being a window to the soul but also a vehicle to portray emotion!!!!!!!! :)

I loved this poem so much!!!!!!!! I think a few changes can be made so the structure becomes that much more stronger, but overall it was gorgeous and really well written!

~Nagini Riddle

 

Drive Your Car On by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: When Vernon Dursley starts acting like a prat, Hestia Jones begins rapping on him, Missy Elliot style.

Winner of the MC Kreacher Challenge at Poetry Anyone (MNFF Boards). Rap inspired by and written to the beat of Missy Elliot's Get Ur Freak On, which I love to bits.

DISCLAIMER: Do you really think J.K.Rowling would write this, though?

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 388 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/26/11 Updated: 09/26/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/27/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

My goodness! I forced myself to not laugh since I've been having a bad cough lately, an laughing only makes it worse. So I smiled. And shook my head in laughter, telling my little iPod screen, "My goodness, what was Natalie thinking? She should be a songwriter! No, a rapper!" and to answer your disclaimer: JKR might not write this, but I believe you would

Author's Response: Sorry to hear about your cold. :( BAD COLD, GO AWAY! And I am considering a career in rapping, since I sometimes record raps to amuse myself. Thanks!!

 

Hey, brother by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: How desperate were the last days of Regulus Black's life? With a girlfriend in danger, and an increasing dread for his fate, he turns to the only one who can help him.

But will Sirius listen?

This poem/rap was written for the MC Kreacher challenge set by the wondrous Julia (the opaleye). I chose to base the form and feel of the rap on Stan by Eminem featuring Dido. It probably helps if you know the song, but basically there are three voices in this.

Disclaimer: JKR - nope, not me.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 530 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/27/11 Updated: 09/27/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: Hey, brother

Hello, pufflefluff!!!! :)
I just love how you are able to put emotion into everything. This was no exception. I loved what you chose for Regulus! And what a great way for Regulus to want to come back.

One note I have- I don't know if you were allowed to mess around with structure, but I think that the last two lines would have more of an impact and also make more sense if they were separate from the last stanza. Otherwise, I have to make a conscientious effort to change point of views suddenly in the same stanza, and it becomes slightly confusing. I had to read it three times before I realized that Sirius was talking to his brother. But if it was seperate from the last stanza, the change of pov would be more effective. :)

That's my only criticism. I wanted so badly to start rapping this as I read it! We definitely need to find a way so we can listen to our music fictions like this! That would be so cool to hear the lyrics we wrote to the song, and maybe make them even more dramatic...

Off to read more of your stuff...

~Nagini Riddle, a slytherin' Gryffindor

Author's Response: Thank you very muchfor the review. With regard to separating the last two lines, it's actually the last two stanzas that are from Sirius' POV which I delineated by adding an extra space between the last hook and then the start from his POV. The part about Marlene being safe, and 'Hey, brother, I just got your letter', is all from Sirius' pOV - much like the last two verses in Stan are from Eminem's POV.

Thank you again, ~Carole~

 

Vigilance! by XenaTwin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Mad-Eye Moody's last thoughts, as he prepares to lead Harry and his protectors away from the Dursley's home.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 232 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/28/11 Updated: 09/29/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: Vigilance!

I had a lot of fun reading this! It was very conversational and even though it was about vigilance, it felt not as dark as many poems about fighting are. But that can be a very good thing! It shows that even amidst terror and chaos, there can still be laughs and fun. It is how we cope with our trials that define who we are, and I think this poem does a good job of showing that, especially since you chose a character who was tough and willing to stand up for what he felt was right. :)
Great job!

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Thank you. One of the things I loved about Moody was his biting sarcastic wit even in his dire seriousness. Wonderful character.

 

The Accidental Parents by Ruby Emeralds
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 75]

Summary: Snape and Celie are awaiting the birth of their children in the third sequel to The Accidental Godmother, but all is not what it seems in the tiny village of Honeysuckle, England.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Book 7 Disregarded, Sexual Situations

Word count: 63709 Chapters: 8 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/29/11 Updated: 12/25/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Awwwwww! And darn pregnant women!!!!! I hope that I never act like that when I have kids, but I suppose I will! *chuckles* oh how we women are!

Author's Response: Poor Severus - it has been a long nine months for him! :) I hope that you enjoy the rest of the story! Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/30/12 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Sure! I will leave a review! I have to admit that I blushed, and I don't think I'll ever be like Molly, able to discuss things like that! :) at any rate, I'm curious as to how the mysterious man plays into this...

Author's Response: Poor Molly - I just couldn't resist the opportunity of having her share a few of her experiences! :) Read on to learn just who the "mystery man" is and why he is so interested in the inhabitants of the Snape cottage. Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/30/12 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Things just keep happening to them! I wish I was a part of the Wizarding world!!!!! At least I get to visit it in my fantasies and readings...

Author's Response: Yes, Severus and Celie are forced to deal with a ton of new experiences in this sequel. Like you, I find the Wizarding world absolutely fascinating - it is impossible to stop thinking about it when you finish reading the last page of DH. Thank you, J.K., for creating such an intriguing world! :) Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/30/12 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Hey! I'm reviewing, too! I see why Celie can't have children, but still, I have to ask why you chose them to only have two children? I'm not doubting your awesome story skills- in fact, I know that Ashley is a handful! I also know that Celie is getting older and probably won't be able to have children anyways due to her age, but I feel so bad for her in the Accidental Family when she says she can't have anymore kids!
After all she went through, I still think I would make a good Celie! :) isn't it funny that this whole thing started simply because Celie looked at a dog! I feel like I've grown with Celie, as if I'm a part of this story, and I have to say you do such a good job of relaying emotions through your writing. And now I feel like the younger Celie, wanting to be a mother... Sigh. Still a teenager, though. :) great story! Off to continue reading

Author's Response: Yes, I know that you are reviewing! You are a very faithful reader and reviewer and I heartily appreciate your involvement with and enthusiasm for my writing! :) [That author's note was written long before you started reviewing the stories.] To answer your question, I decided to limit the size of the Snape family to two children because I wanted them to have a really close family. I can't envision Snape with a pack of children (like the Weasleys) and I didn't want him to get lost in all of the chaos that is ever present in a large family. I have always felt that he is the kind of person who does best with a small, tightly-knit group of people who he can trust; he always seems to shrink away from others when he is forced into a crowd. I definitely wanted him to have all of the parenting experiences and I thought that the raising of twins would be the best way to showcase his quiet and reflective personality. I really enjoyed your comment "Isn't it funny that this whole thing started simply because Celie looked at a dog!" :) I eagerly await your next review! Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/30/12 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Oh it was so beautiful! I cried again! It's becoming a habit from reading your work, Ruby! What a touching scene. :) *cries happy tears* poor Celie! She is in definite need of a psychiatrist, (whatever those things are ;) ) or at least a good comforting talk with her husband!

Author's Response: I have commissioned Hedwig with the task of sending you an extra-large box of tissues! :) And Celie will be getting some extra help in the next couple of chapters to help her deal with her traumatic experience. Thanks for sending me your thoughts and I'm glad that you found the closing scene with Snape and the girls to be "touching!" :) Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

Author's Response: I have commissioned Hedwig with the task of sending you an extra-large box of tissues! :) And Celie will be getting some extra help in the next couple of chapters to help her deal with her traumatic experience. Thanks for sending me your thoughts and I'm glad that you found the closing scene with Snape and the girls to be "touching!" :) Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/30/12 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Okay, I feel bad now! I know how it feels to be emotionally screwed up, and I'm happy that Celie was able to push past it, despite the level of fear and psychological impact that event had on her! And I'm happy that she loves her daughters and spends time with them! Every child needs a mother! (and a loving father!)

Author's Response: Don't feel bad! All of the characters are on their way to their much needed happy ending! :) Everything is going to turn out to be just fine for Severus, Celie, and the girls - I wouldn't have it any other way. Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/30/12 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

I did laugh! You have such a way with words! I'm so happy that Celie won her case! Of course, I didn't think you would write it any other way! They really need a happy ending, after all the terrible things that have been happening! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for all of your sweet compliments! :) The happy ending is coming right up! Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/30/12 Title: Chapter 8: Epilogue

Awwwwww!!!!!! Babies are so darn adorable! Even when they cry!
I loved this story so much! I hope you update the Accidental Family soon, so I can continue on to chapter 11. :) and hopefully, the series doesn't stop! Still wish I was Celie...

Author's Response: Yes, all babies are adorable! And I am particularly fond of the Snape babies! :) I'm glad that you enjoyed this sequel. Don't worry - the final chapter of "The Accidental Family" will be posted very soon. Thank you for continuing to read and review my writing! :) Smiles, Ruby Emeralds

 
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