Penname: Nagini Riddle [Contact]
Real name: Kaylee
Member Since: 04/28/12
Beta-reader: Yes
Status: Member
I love Harry Potter fan fiction, because it allows my imagination to run free!
I probably could be doing something more productive, but since I love to read and write, and hope to be an author one day, this doesn't seem like a whole waste of time!!!!
I love this site so much. It really let's me challenge my mind and see things in a whole new light.
Go fan fiction!!!!!

EDIT: I am a poetry nut! So watch out for all my poetry and you can even check some of my poetry out on Poetry Anyone? in the Beta Forums, if you are able to get an account. :) Also watch out if you write poetry, too! I am sure to review it, and possibly leave behind a critique!

Since I write so much poetry, I thought I would make a list of my actual stories that are on the archives:

If I Die Young
His Last Descendant
In the Realms of Jealousy
The Autumn Air
A Darker Nightmare
Vanishing Point
The Ghosts that Follow
The Baby-Sitter
Kill It Before It Dies
The Sight of Her
A Christmas Meal of Snow
The Man of Hogsmeade
Set in Silver Stone
Pills and Potions
The Purity of the Turf
Pearls Mean Tears
The Ties That Bind
The Full House
Delayed Arrival
Hot Off the Press

Murder in the Moonlight

To Follow:
I Stood in the Ruins
Questions (tentative title)
Eclipse of the Heart
Lines in the Sand

Here are all my poems (in order of update):

Her Hand
His Only Friend
Mad World
Negotiation With Death
An Unexpected Turn
The Coffin Brawl
Wasted Space
One Sweet Night
Life in Technicolor
The Bice Day
Dark Side
The Day the Music Died
Shades of Grey
The Endless Road
The Foulest Creature
The Lone Sentry
If No One Will Listen
Just a Diary
An Empty Photograph
Death's Horizon
The Canvas Life
The Sun Sets in Paradise
Grand Adage
The Banished Howl
Hear Me
Celestina's Songbook: Summer Lovin'
The Certain Dark
The Cursed Ruin
A Greying View
Silent Ash
Left Behind
Save You
With Silent Wounds
The Snow Globe
A Wintry Lust
Hogsmeade Lights
The Calming
The Possibility
Today I Do Not Want To Be...
A Brief Star
Beautiful Disaster
Where is Your Heart
Fix You
The Black Rose
A Failing Mission
The Darkest Realm
Godric's Hollow
Hidden Mysteries
The Seasons Change
Petrified Desire
In Anguish
In Final Minutes
The Wrong Child
For the Man on the Street
Something Better
Faust Arp
The Silver Doe/The Silver Stag
Fallen Leaves
Red is the color of death
Living Shroud
Little Bruno and the Evil Elf
Eternal Ice
For the Hero
The Frost in Melancholy
It's Christmas Time in Diagon Alley
It Came Upon A Charm So Clear
A Ravenclaw's Blue Christmas
Corpses of the Shadow and the Night
You Just Wink (First Impressions)
In Agony
Killing Me Softly
Don't Let Me Go
Pax Tecum (Peace Be With You)
Blind Weakness
The Show Must Go On
A Coming War?
At the Battlefront
No One Can Ever Know
Do you think of me the same?
Into the Forest
A Lesson with Biscuits
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1
A Restless Wait
Dawn (Go Away)
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2
on this side of heaven
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Reviews by Nagini Riddle

Much More Than A Game by Hypatia
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 87]

“Lord Voldemort has never had a friend, nor do I believe that he has ever wanted one.”
-Dumbledore, HBP, ch 13

Dumbledore was rarely wrong, only once did Lord Voldemort desire a friend. It started out as only a game, but became so much more…

This is the story of how the teenaged Tom Riddle met a unique individual and slipped from cold indifference, to affection, to friendship, to romance. Discover how even Voldemort’s cold and callow heart was once broken beyond repair. This is for anyone curious about how an imperfect love warped and twisted a corrupt young man into the Dark Lord.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 106968 Chapters: 29 Completed: Yes
07/16/11 Updated: 09/29/12

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/26/12 Title: Chapter 28: Swan Song

I have made it this far. :)
Hmm... I loved the wrench of the daughter! Very nice! And Lydia's anger felt so real.
I do think that some parts moved a little too fast. Like when he sent the death eaters to kill Hadrian and capture Lydia. I think you could have built the suspense slightly more, because I know you are very good at that in your previous chapters. But overall, it was very good! Can't wait for the epilogue! (and the rebirth of Lydia? ;). )

Author's Response: Thanks! I agree that the order to capture Lydia could have been built up more slowly, but since it's all from Tom's perspective, I wanted her death to sort of be a shock, as it was a huge shock for him. Tom really was completely confident that his Death Eaters would follow his simple instructions and ever since he met Lydia there have been ups and downs and she'd always come around and forgiven him before. It really never occured to him that it could all go wrong so quickly and I was trying to force the reader to see it that way too (though, now that I think about it, I guess it does sort of just jump out a bit doesn't it?)

I'm afraid Lydia won't be getting a rebirth (she drew the line at Horcruxes). However, her nephew will at least get mentionned as well as a prophecy.

Thanks for reviewing,

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 08/31/12 Title: Chapter 26: Queen Sacrifice

Wow, I absolutely loved our interpretation of how to make a horcrux. No wonder people don't make them.
And then- sigh. Poor Tom. He should have known what he was getting himself into. By the way, how exactly does the locket then end up in the cave later to be stolen by RAB? Will that be revealed later? :)
I really loved it, even if it was short. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Oh good! I actually spent quite a while trying to think of a possible method for creating a Horcrux. It's nice to know that it came across ok. :)

Tom isn't planning on having Lydia keep the locket forever. He's planning on reclaiming it when he returns to Britain (and as the end of his note hints, he plans on then making her the guardian of a different Horcrux.) How Lydia feels about guarding the locket... that may be another matter.

Thanks for reviewing,

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/29/12 Title: Chapter 29: Epilogue

Is this the end????????????????
I only ask that because your story says no next to completed.
Anyways, I love Snape!!!!!! :) Amazing how similar Snape and Riddle were! Both slytherins, both half bloods with pure blood mothers and muggle fathers, both in love (in your story) and lost that love because their ambitions got in the way. Both lost those loves to magical deaths. Sigh. I loved it!
And now it is done. But I really like the prophecy idea you put in! It makes me want to write a story where Lydia survives and becomes the dark lady. *scary music* But I see that is was necessary in order to show how Voldemort could not bear the pain of love.
I wish I could have been inside your head, because I'm quite jealous of this story! :) the characterizations were beautifully done and believable!!!!
Now it's over. What will I do????? Probably fantasize about Tom and Lydia... Or Tom and I...


Author's Response: Sorry Nagini: I completely forgot to check that box. This story is now complete. I might try writing more about Tom and Lydia (or perhaps Hestia) someday, but that will have to be another story for another day. If you ever write the version where Lydia lives, I'd be happy to beta (I've already played around with the idea in my head quite a bit, but for the purposes of this, that breif glimpse in Calypso's pool was all I could manage).

In some ways, I think Tom would almost see Severus as the son that "might have been", even though he was Lydia's nephew and not related to Tom at all. They even both have black eyes.

*sigh* I still can't believe the story is actually complete and over. I mean there were definitely days when I thought I would never be able to connect the current chapter to the epilogue (this was actually written about a year ago) but somehow (and largely due to excellent betas) we got there.

Thank you again for each and every review you've written for this,

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/17/12 Title: Chapter 27: Terrible But Great

Wow! What a way to capture Voldemort's breaking the boundaries of magic!
I loved it so much!! And found myself quailing in some areas. I think I may have nightmares! But I found it all rather fascinating!
I'm curious. What does the Greek translate to in the spell he said on Calypso's island? I know te last word was Calypso- but what was the rest? :)

Author's Response: Thank you! :) I'm really glad you liked it (and hope it doesn't result in nightmares). The only nightmare I can recall having about Lord Voldemort was one where I was dreaming that it was my duty to stop him from finding the 'magic wishing fork' (in case you're wondering, a magic wishing fork is a fork that grants wishes). I remember hiding it in a cutlery drawer so he'd have to check all the forks to find the right one. Shortly after waking up I began to question the wisdom of having ice cream before bed. :S

As for the spell, it was supposed to roughly translate to:

"Shrouded in darkness,
Revealed by dawn,
Arise Ogygia,
Isle of Calypso"

If you were trying a translation program, it probably didn't work well since I had to switch out the Greek lower-case 'nu' for 'v' so that it wouldn't show up as a strange little square.

Thanks again,

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/24/12 Title: Chapter 23: Dark Side Of The Moon

Wow, Lydia is one Dark Lady!!! I don't think I could have the heart to do such a thing. It makes me wonder what exactly goes on in Lydia's head. Since we see everything from Tom's view, I become just as surprised as he is. Another good chapter that I loved! You have no idea how torturous it was waiting for the update! So, I leave this review in hopes that you have enough free time to write the next chapter and update soon!!!!!!!!!
Left on tenterhooks,

Author's Response: The topic of Lydia's viewpoint has come up before. At one point I'd considered writing a sequel to More Than A Game instead of expanding it by using excerpts from Lydia's journal. However, I don't think she would have dared to write down a lot of the things she's been up to, so hopefully this works better.

I hate to say this, but there will probably be a long wait for the next chapter as it's barely outlined yet and my workload just increased. On the bright side, there are about three upcoming chapters which are almost entirely written so once we get through the next one or two, the updating pace should pick up again.

Thank you for reviewing,

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 04/28/12 Title: Chapter 22: Balance of Power

I really love this story so far and I cannot wait to find out what happens next! It's so unpredictable, and I especially appreciate that it is about Tom Riddle. Keep up the good work! I eagerly await te next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm hoping to have the next chapter up within two weeks. :)

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 08/24/12 Title: Chapter 25: Waking the Dragon

I felt so bad for Tom!!!!!!! Oh! It ripped at my heart when he lost control of his magic. Just why is Lydia doing? Augh! I had kind of been hoping they would end up together, despite having read More Than a Game. Oh well... It still makes me sad. Be sure to tell Tom that I would gladly marry him! (if he would have me- and I highly doubt he would. Sigh)

Author's Response: All I can say for now is that Lydia has her reasons. I'll pass on the message to Tom, but he's been in a rather bad mood lately. Plus, I feel obligated to point out that he really wouldn't make a very good husband. He'd probably invite the Death Eaters over without checking with his wife first, I doubt it would ever occur to him that it's not easy to get bloodstains out of robes, and you just know he'd always leave the seat up.

Thanks for reviewing,

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 04/28/12 Title: Chapter 22: Balance of Power

Hey again! I've been thinking a lot about your story and I just wanted to say that I love the chess analogy playing throughout the novel!
Also, I don't know what you have planned for the rest of the story, but I feel like Tom should keep trying to get his "Dark Lady" to be his second in command- and perhaps succeed. I know that Lydia will not be with him always, but it would be so cool to know that Voldemort was actually able to get a queen before losing her. I don't know. It's your story, of course, and I just hope that you keep on doing what you love, because you are extremely good at it! In fact, this story sounds extremely plausible to me! I really cannot wait to read more, and I will be so sad when it ends, because I've enjoyed your story so much! It's inspired me to write my own fan fiction. :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I've actually ended up learning a lot about chess from writing this (I'm a terrible chess player) but I do love how it leads to analogies. I actually just go to websites that show the steps of famous chess games and look for one that has the metaphor I'm looking for (a pawn ascending to queen, queen sacrifice, etc.) or in some cases, just ones that have a lot of pieces being taken so that Tom can get enough of his questions answered.

As for whether Lydia will ever (even temporarily) accept the position of Dark Lady... you'll have to forgive me for not saying anything for now. The plot's been outlined for ages and while there have been some hiccups and detours along the way, it's still pretty much on course.

I can't begin to tell you how flattered I am that by your review and will be keeping an eye out for your upcoming story (stories?).

Happy writing,

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 04/28/12 Title: Chapter 21: Wild Card

Voldemort seems so human in this story! I'm really glad of that because it makes his character easier to understand, even if he is dark and murderous.
Lydia, I must say, is the true heroine of this story, but I hope she shows some more common sense and realizes that revenge is not the answer. Although I know she can take care of herself. I feel, too, that her character was extremely well-developed. She has her weaknesses and strengths just like everyone else and is a pure joy to read about. This pairing really works! Perhaps, if one believes in an afterlife, Lydia and Tom are able to reconcile and live after death together. It pains me to think that they have to separate!!!!
Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: I've wondered about what the after-life could be like for Voldemort. I mean, what happens to the fragments of souls? Are there eight fragmented pieces of him or do each of the Horcrux pieces vanish? I had the impression at first that they were simply destroyed with the Horcrux, but the part that was tied to Harry seemed to follow him to Platform 9 3/4. I guess I've wondered in particular if someone who's soul was, perhaps a bit tarnished, but whole could ever go about reassembling the pieces of a shattered soul. It's actually why I picked Lydia's Patronus as an eagle: according to animal symbolism (or at least the animal symbolism website I stumbled upon) the eagle 'retrieves lost soul parts'. Whether or not it ever comes into play in the story, I've always thought of Lydia as being Tom's only hope for redemption.

Thanks for reviewing,

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 06/25/12 Title: Chapter 24: Crossroads

It took a while to remember everything that happened, but once I did, I dove right in!!!! I won't leave a long review, in hopes that I can get to reading more of this story as soon as you update!!!
BTW, how does Tom really feel about Lydia? It seems like he cares more about his feelings than hers...

Author's Response: I know what you mean about it taking a while to remember: I had to look back on old chapters to get this one written ;) Hopefully updates will go back to a more regular schedule now.

As for Tom's feelings about Lydia, you are entirely correct in that he cares more about himself. C.S. Lewis wrote a book titled The Four Loves (and I've borrowed quotes from it for chapter headings) but the gist of the book is that he described four different types of love: affection, friendship, romantic love and unconditional love. Unfortunately, Tom doesn't really seem capable of making that self-sacrificing leap to caring for another person without any strings attached, or as the Baron put it: “There is only one piece on the board that a Slytherin wouldn’t sacrifice.” (And before all the Slytherins get offended by this, I'd like to point out that not all of them make themselves the king: Narcissa Malfoy would have done absolutely anything for her son, and Severus Snape would have done anything to keep Lily safe.) In Tom's case, he is that piece and as much as cares about Lydia, he still sees her as the queen, which while a desirable piece to have, is still one he would sacrifice to win the game.



Neville's Song by XenaTwin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: A story about Neville and the thoughts that may have led him to the hero he eventually proved himself to be.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 175 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
07/17/11 Updated: 07/25/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/03/12 Title: Chapter 1: Neville's Song

Isn't it funny that Harry AND Neville both had a hand in defeating Voldemort. I'm surprised at how similar the two are, really. They both grew up with relatives, because their parents weren't available due to evil forces. Both Gryffindors. Both defied Voldemort...

Very nice song! Neville is the unsung hero, especially since he finally developed that Gryffindor bravery and became a strong leader. It goes to show that what is on the outside doesn't always show what is on the inside.

My favorite stanza was when Neville said that he was a true Gryffindor, and would not resign from the battle, no matter if he was killed or not. That shows great loyalty, and I was happy to see that in there.

There were a few issues with the rhythm, like in the first stanza, the last line had an awkward beat. There were too many syllables for the beat you already set. I suggest changing it to "Lived bravery's cost," so it fits the rhythm better.

For the Herbology stanza, the rhythm was awkward again. I suggest to change it to this:

In Herbology
I'd find a place.
And only there
I'd show some grace.

The bit about the dance is unnecessary.

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem! Neville all the way. :)

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Another good edit. I should ask you to beta for me sometime :) I was very fascinated by the duality of the prophecy and how it could've meant either Harry or Neville, like Fate had chosen it that way to cover all the bases. Only Voldemort's choice confirmed Harry as the Chosen One. JK made it kind of subtle in the books but I think it was meant all along that Neville would have to have some key part in taking down the Dark Lord along with Harry. I was very pleased when the "Spare to his heir" line came to me, as I thought it was just so very British and fitting here. Glad you enjoyed :)


Farewell by xxbabewithbrainsxx
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Can anyone ever be truly ready to say goodbye? A HP poem, about the pain of saying farewell.

Written for the Goodbye Challenge over on Poetry, Anyone?

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 234 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
07/20/11 Updated: 07/25/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/02/12 Title: Chapter 1: Farewell

That last line was so powerful!!!! It is never truly goodbye, is it? I am reminded of Dumbledore when I read that line. :)

Sigh. While it's true that Harry Potter has ended, I for one don't think the adventure really has. We get to reread the stories and also we get to create our own right here! Being able to read fanfiction allows us to keep the spirit for Harry Potter strong! And poetry is included in that. :)

I loved your poem! It was simple, yet had an effective message. Never will it be goodbye.

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, it isn't really goodbye -- I'm still here :D Thank you for the review. I struggled a lot with this one, so I'm glad you liked it.

Soraya xxx


The Prince's Tale by antebellum
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: What if You-Know-Who was defeated long before Harry had ever been born. What if Severus Snape had a shot at what he died for in the original series? Allow me to give you the romantic "What if?" you all wondered about when reading the original books.

Categories: Severus/Lily Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Mild Profanity

Word count: 1751 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
07/23/11 Updated: 07/25/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Platform 9 3/4 Again

Well, where is the rest of this? It's good so far!!!!! I want to visit this alternate universe!!!! Gr... :D


The Final Hour by thenewandawesome
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: A tribute to all those who died in the battle of Hogwarts. Poetry.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 111 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
07/28/11 Updated: 07/30/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/02/12 Title: Chapter 1: The Final Hour

Wow! Your free verse is just magnificent.

Before I throw you roses and laurels, I do want to express my concern at the punctuation. At the beginning, you used a lot of periods, which made the rhythm very jerky. It's fine for the first line, but I think a semi-colon would have worked after the second line. Remember that periods mean a FULL-STOP. So, when you want a more even flow, periods aren't necessary.

Okay. Now onto the magnificent imagery and diction!!!!! You somehow capture haunting and depressing emotion, and it really pricked my heart.

I especially found "we cry silent tears and cry silent keens" to be very emotive. I can imagine the pain on their faces, no longer able to have a voice, praying with all their hearts.

And then your last two lines. Generally, I don't like repeated words so close together, but it works so well in this case. It gave me chills, to be honest. Plain and simple: "hope is hope." It cuts to the chase, and says to me that there is nothing else but hope, and its the last thing to hang onto. Very poignant and it struck me very deep. It was an exquisite, yet simple, way to end your poem and gave a very powerful message for me to ponder.


~Nagini Riddle


The House Cup by XenaTwin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: The four house animals are not getting along. What to do? Luckily, the Hogwarts winged boar always seems to have the answer.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 196 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
07/28/11 Updated: 07/30/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/02/12 Title: Chapter 1: The House Cup

My goodness! I had so much fun reading this!!!! :)

I can't fault your good humor, but I do want to point out the third stanza- I think that "we all can just share" should be in quotation marks, because otherwise, it seems strange that the line right below has them and it's nowhere else when people are talking. Also, for that same portion, I think the rhythm would work better if it read as "we can all just share" instead of the "all can," which was a little hard to enunciate, because of how people would normally speak those words.

Overall, I had a great time reading this! What a great idea! Sometimes, the best writing comes from silly things. :)

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Thank you :) I agree with your edit, thanks for the suggestion. I loved writing this silly bit of fluff :)


Prodigal by thenewandawesome
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: A poem about how Harry feels as if he's doing everything wrong and is not worthy of the trust Dumbledore has placed in him.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 115 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
07/29/11 Updated: 08/05/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/02/12 Title: Chapter 1: Prodigal

This is perfect!!!!! How come there are no reviews!!!!!! I didn't even read the summary, and I immediately knew that this was about Harry and Dumbledore.

You very nicely alluded to the prodigal son, which I found to be fitting, because I have noticed that JKR used a lot of religious references in her books. Like the quote found on the tombstone of Lily and James Potter is actually a scripture from Matthew in the Bible. The prodigal son image here is just absolutely fitting, because Harry may have run away, but he later comes back to Dumbledore when he "dies" and they reconcile, Dumbledore overjoyed to see his "son" coming back and succeeding.

I also have to commend the style you wrote in. I really found that using this like an actual conversation gave so much voice and tone to Harry. the way you broke your lines up helped to emphasize points that the books brought up. For example, your third line just says, "Your expectations." The "your" is really emphasized, and I can feel the bitterness coming from Harry. The way you wrote it also felt like a relationship with God. You have Harry questioning revelations and instructions, and later saying that he doesn't know anything, that Dumbledore is holding back mysteries and he is omniscient. I truly enjoyed the word, "mission" in line 13. It again not only emphasized some religious aspects, but also gave more purpose to Harry's goal than just walking around looking for stuff.

Even more eye-catching is when you wrote, "But now they say/That I can't have the truth." "They" is very ambiguous, and I actually found it to be very useful, because it puts into my mind that everyone is against Harry, which is how he must have felt many times.

I also found that the repetition of "I thought you perfect" was very poignant and made it stood out from all the other revelations. It also hints at the doubts that are inflicting Harry's mind, and emphasizes the bitterness and emptiness that Harry feels.

And then your last two lines were beautiful! Exquisite! I can actually sense Harry running away, and the fact that you didn't even say "prodigal son" really helps to make "prodigal" stronger and emphasized.

There are some things I would go through and fix. Just minor things. Your fourth line is great, but I think it would be stronger if you split it up into two lines like so:

You put so much trust
In me.

This way, it emphasizes the "me." :)

On your fifth line, it was broken up a little strangely. If you brought "how" from the line down to the sixth line, I think the flow would be a bit smoother: "Now I don't know/ How to not let you down."

Those are my only fixes!!!

So, to recap, this poem was wonderful!! What a great idea, and I'm so glad that you drew inspiration from music. This poem is definitely going into my favorites!

Keep writing! :)

~Nagini Riddle


Potter's Song by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]


Though battered, bruised, and beleaguered, the valourous warriors of Hogwarts stood resolute in the aftermath, ready to carve a new world ” a world of better men and better days.

This poem is dedicated to those individuals.


This poem has been nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Poem.

This poem has also been nominated for a 2012 Quicksilver Quill: Best Poem.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 107 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
08/01/11 Updated: 08/01/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/02/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

How can I leave a review for such a great poem? The rhyme scheme was simple, but it really worked and didn't seem forced, but gave it the rhythm that was beautiful.

I really enjoyed the imagery you used, like "helm" and "smoke." It was able to give a better picture of how we are to work together and also that after dangers and trials, there will always be joy.

What I really enjoyed was that this can work two ways- as a send off to the Harry Potter series, or it actually works as a way to keep memories alive for the wizarding world itself, like songs that are written for heroes. I can totally see this as an ode to Harry that is sung for generations to come after he fought the Dark Lord. People sitting by a fire, ready to bring out battle stories- and out comes this song! :)

I noticed that you used "now" quite a bit in the poem, especially in the second stanza. While I see that it is great to emphasize that the past is behind them and now they must do something, I would suggest removing one "now" from the second stanza.

Overall, I really enjoyed this tribute to Harry! I will always have fond memories, and this poem really helps to emphasize those. :)

~Nagini Riddle


A Part of Me by Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Everything he did, he did for her.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 110 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
08/02/11 Updated: 08/05/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/02/12 Title: Chapter 1: A Part of Me

“After all this time?”
Does he not understand?
My love has no end.
She’s always on my heart.

OOOH! Very nice incorporation of the quote! I really like how you chose to come at it from Severus' perspective. The only thing that confused me: "on my heart." What does that mean? "On?" I think it would have worked better as "within" or just "in." Unless you meant that the weight of guilt and love was weighing on his heart. Then if that's the case, I think you should try to make that a bit more obvious.

Does he not understand “
What I would do for her?
For she’s always on my heart;
Her memory haunts me.

Haunts! The simplicity you used is very nice, and it allows words like "haunts" to really stand out. The punctuation, though, makes me hesitate on the first line. I don't think a dash is needed. It doesn't do much for the poem and doesn't really emphasize anything. It really just hinders the rhythm.

What wouldn’t I do for her?
I’ll fight for her always.
Her memory haunts me:
She’s a part of me.

The second line felt a little weak, and I think it's how you worded it. If instead it said, "I'll always fight for my one love," it would have been a bit stronger. However, I did like how you changed up the first line from the previous stanza: "What wouldn't I do?" It really helped to strengthen his character. :)

I’ll fight for her always,
For my love has no end.
She’s a part of me,
After all this time.

I love the ending, especially that it worked out so well for a pantoum!!!! The last two lines are perfect next to each other. The only thing I would fix is to add the word "even" in front of the last line, and then perhaps italicize "all" to really emphasize the depth of Snape's love.

Overall, I really enjoyed your poem!!!! It is a very nice tribute to Severus' love for Lily. Keep it up!

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Ohhhh, thank you for this lovely, lovely, review. Regarding 'on my heart': You make an excellent point. I think it started off as "on my mind", and I didn't like it, but I kept the preposition. This is something I should probably change! I think that your punctuation observation is good, too. I think it was recommended I put one there, but reading back, it doesn't really work all that well. I'm really glad you liked the poem! The subtle word choices are definately things I should fix. Thanks! ~Maple


While He Leaves by Ginny Weasley Potter
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Harry stood quite still and silent, listening to her sobbing and calling Ron’s name amongst the trees.— Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, by JK Rowling

We know everything about how Harry felt when Ron left him and Hermione in the forest after the huge fight with Harry on that fateful day. But what was the situation in Ron and Hermione’s minds? How could it be from their points of view?

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 139 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
08/04/11 Updated: 08/09/11

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 10/01/12 Title: Chapter 1: While He Leaves

Remorse in her eyes and a single tear
Racing down swifter than sound.
Heart shattered, swirling with fear
Will he come back this time around?

Oh, the language used is so beautiful and heart-wrenching! I especially liked the first two lines. They caught my breath, because the imagery just hits me and I can see Hermione with a single tear (single was the perfect word to use) that falls thickly and fast to the ground.

Racing down swifter than sound,
He finds his way through the green;
Will he go back this time around?
Unhurt, unscathed, pristine?

My only problem was the word "unhurt." It doesn't fit with your other choice of words, and sounds a little childish. However, none of the words I think of fit... So maybe "unhurt" works in the long run... :) Now I'm just babbling.

He finds his way through the green
As she calls his name in vain
She hopes he is unhurt and pristine,
That he goes through no more pain.

I love the second line because it pricks my heart and makes me feel her pain. As for the third line, I would change it to "she hopes he is unscathed, pristine" because it helps the rhythm.

She calls his name in vain
He hears her but Apparates on
She only hopes he goes through no pain
And he does repent but the chance is gone.

Hmm. The second line doesn't work for me. And I just noticed that you are rhyming!!!!! So, I would find another rhyme for gone... maybe "but he is silent as the dawn." This gives some more imagery to your poem, too. But you can ignore my suggestion if you so choose.

He hears her but Apparates on
Knowing the remorse in her eyes and the lone tear
He does repent but the chance is gone
He knows her shattered heart, filled with fear.

This last stanza is so touching and beautiful! I think you captured the pantoum really well, and I love the last line! Shattered heart is such a gorgeous, yet melancholic image!!!!! I remember a movie I saw where a queen actually shattered into many pieces, having been a manifestation of a mirror. The shattered heart feels similar! :)

Great job overall! Way to tackle form. I find it one of the more difficult parts of poetry but you captured it very well! Keep up the good work.

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Nagini!

I'm incredibly sorry about the late response. I didn't know how to reply-- oh, this is such a wonderful review! :) But anyway-- I am glad you like this poem. It's one of the few I've written, and I'm not a very good poet, ha!

I'm glad the first few lines impressed you. For a pantoum, the first four lines are the most important, and that has to be sorted before anything else. In the second para, I went with 'unhurt' because I wanted it to be childish. It's like... we become like childern at such times. When we hope, when we love someone, our mind is childish, desperate-- this is what I wanted to show, really.

I will see what I can do about the third para rhythm, as for the fourth para, I'm afraid I have to get him to Apparate, because he's going away-- he can't hear here, he just knows, but he has to go, and being silent and standing there makes it stationary. I will, however, see how I can improve the rhythm. :)

I love the shattering heart imagery-- because I think that's how it feels. Personally, I haven't been through heartbreak, but I've witnessed it's effects on other people and it seems like such a shattering, terrible thing! And I'm glad you like the poem. :) Thank you for the review! :)))


Summary: Before he became the Dark Lord, he had been student like any other.
Before it was a sin, it had been a house like any other.
Before it all had ripped her to pieces, she had been a girl like any other.

People change. Sometimes for the worse.

This is the story of Hogwarts when Tom Riddle was there, and how the lure of the Dark Arts led him, and the people he dragged in his wake, to madness.


Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity

Word count: 15034 Chapters: 4 Completed: No
08/06/11 Updated: 02/24/12

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/25/12 Title: Chapter 4: Year One (iii)

I love Tom Riddle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (is that enough exclamation points?) and I love this story! So please update as soon as possible so I can get my Tom Riddle fix!!!!!

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