Penname: Nagini Riddle [Contact]
Real name: Kaylee
Member Since: 04/28/12
Website:
Beta-reader: Yes
Status: Member
Bio:
I love Harry Potter fan fiction, because it allows my imagination to run free!
I probably could be doing something more productive, but since I love to read and write, and hope to be an author one day, this doesn't seem like a whole waste of time!!!!
I love this site so much. It really let's me challenge my mind and see things in a whole new light.
Go fan fiction!!!!!

EDIT: I am a poetry nut! So watch out for all my poetry and you can even check some of my poetry out on Poetry Anyone? in the Beta Forums, if you are able to get an account. :) Also watch out if you write poetry, too! I am sure to review it, and possibly leave behind a critique!

Since I write so much poetry, I thought I would make a list of my actual stories that are on the archives:

Completed:
If I Die Young
His Last Descendant
In the Realms of Jealousy
The Autumn Air
A Darker Nightmare
Vanishing Point
The Ghosts that Follow
The Baby-Sitter
Kill It Before It Dies
The Sight of Her
A Christmas Meal of Snow
The Man of Hogsmeade
Set in Silver Stone
Unfaithful
Pills and Potions
The Purity of the Turf
Pearls Mean Tears
The Ties That Bind
The Full House
Delayed Arrival
Hot Off the Press

WIP:
Murder in the Moonlight

To Follow:
I Stood in the Ruins
Questions (tentative title)
Eclipse of the Heart
Lines in the Sand


Here are all my poems (in order of update):

Poetry
Her Hand
His Only Friend
Mad World
Refusal
Negotiation With Death
An Unexpected Turn
The Coffin Brawl
Wasted Space
One Sweet Night
Life in Technicolor
The Bice Day
Dark Side
The Day the Music Died
Shades of Grey
The Endless Road
The Foulest Creature
The Lone Sentry
If No One Will Listen
Soiled
Just a Diary
Frozen
An Empty Photograph
Moonlight
Death's Horizon
The Canvas Life
The Sun Sets in Paradise
Grand Adage
The Banished Howl
Hear Me
Celestina's Songbook: Summer Lovin'
The Certain Dark
The Cursed Ruin
A Greying View
Silent Ash
Left Behind
Save You
With Silent Wounds
The Snow Globe
A Wintry Lust
Hogsmeade Lights
The Calming
The Possibility
Today I Do Not Want To Be...
Walls
A Brief Star
Beautiful Disaster
Where is Your Heart
Fix You
The Black Rose
A Failing Mission
The Darkest Realm
Godric's Hollow
Halo
Unspeakable
Hidden Mysteries
Salire
The Seasons Change
Petrified Desire
In Anguish
Paradeisos
In Final Minutes
The Wrong Child
For the Man on the Street
Something Better
Faust Arp
The Silver Doe/The Silver Stag
Fallen Leaves
Red is the color of death
Living Shroud
Little Bruno and the Evil Elf
Eternal Ice
For the Hero
Magical
The Frost in Melancholy
It's Christmas Time in Diagon Alley
It Came Upon A Charm So Clear
A Ravenclaw's Blue Christmas
Frēodōm
Corpses of the Shadow and the Night
You Just Wink (First Impressions)
His
In Agony
Killing Me Softly
Separation
Absentia
Don't Let Me Go
Pax Tecum (Peace Be With You)
Casualties
Blind Weakness
The Show Must Go On
A Coming War?
At the Battlefront
No One Can Ever Know
Do you think of me the same?
Into the Forest
A Lesson with Biscuits
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1
Sacrificium
A Restless Wait
Dawn (Go Away)
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2
Betty
BTSK
on this side of heaven
Colorblind
Through the Mines
The Sparrow and the Wolf
[Report This]
Reviews by Nagini Riddle
 

Summary:

Year 3

A year of hard choices and tough talks:

Destiny learns about the grim reality that is her dad’s past. Then it is a power struggle between Salazar and Severus as the trio takes up Occlumency on Dumbledore’s orders. Drake finally asks Silver to open up to him but can she do so? And, is Silver the only one that is confused about feelings? Drake doesn’t think so. Will Salazar awake to the reality that lies in his heart?

Voldemort’s servant returns to his master and while two have discussed their status, the third must choose. Destiny must decide where she stands in the next war to come. The end of the year comes as a blow. Will the long time allies decide to separate or will they finally become something more?

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 152976 Chapters: 20 Completed: No
Published:
08/16/11 Updated: 10/25/14


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/25/13 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 10: The Call Of Their Own Kind

Well, I won't pretend that I wasn't shocked by much of what is happening. ;) But I do hope you continue to update, because I am looking forward to the next chapter!!!!

 

Albus Severus Potter by iLuna17
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary:

Different:



Different

I hear it from everyone,

I'm not who they say I should be

I'm Different, I'm me



Why?



The Slytherin,

The smart one,

The best seeker,

You had it all!

Even a girl who loved you,

So why'd you do it?



Too Late:



I've been pushed too far

The tornado's sucked me in,

and I doubt I'll ever see the light



My Fault:



Every time something happened

You were my shoulder to cry on

Now I'm crying about you

Something I've only done once



Too Special:



You always told me

"Life is like Quidditch,

You play for the thrill."

One of the thousand things

You taught me


Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mild Profanity, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 1480 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/16/11 Updated: 09/19/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Poems:

Wow. I don't know what to say. From the first line, my breath caught in my throat and my heart began to pain.
First off, your language was beautiful. It was simple, but agonizing and allowed the despair to really shine through. I also found that the varying points of view helped to give a stronger voice to the overall piece.
Now I shall attempt the brave process of reviewing each poem... :0

For Different:


Different
I hear it from everyone,
I'm not who they say I should be
I'm Different, I'm me

Who has the right to tell others what they should be? This stanza could have stood all on its own because of the strength in it. Though it is melancholic, it still has a powerful message- that we are "different" but that we are who we are. Poor Albus...

All because of a house
and a simple hat
My own family has turned,
Turned on me

My own brother glares,
My cousins shun me,
The only one who dares is him,
The savior, saving me

I cried! The fact that he would feel shunned just because he ended up in Slytherin! How alone he must have felt, especially since I'm sure his brother teased him endlessly. I also was rather attached to the fact that there was a savior mentioned, but I was curious as to who the savior was. Is it God or is it death? I could see both working in this context. I'm just curious what you were thinking.

Before this mess
when it wasn't all sour
He told me it didn't matter
But it does, to me

Why am I different?
Am I not brave like James
Or even smart like Dommie?
I'm not evil,
so why are they scared?
It's just me.


I really like the anaphora of "me" used throughout. It shows that individuals view things differently than most people seem to think. It sadden me that Albus wondered why he was different. I would like to think that if I had known him, we could have been "different" together. :)

I'm not cunning or ambitious,
but not brilliant or fearless,
I'm determined and quiet
That's just me

Sitting here in my dorm,
I now understand that batty old hat
I'm in Slytherin not because I'm afraid,
I'm just a different type of brave

I'm different from them all,
And that's perfect
Because in the end,
I am unique from everyone
I am me.


I think we all sometimes have trouble seeing the talents we can develop, but we should always remember that we all have strengths. We shouldn't wish to be someone else- because they are most likely wishing to be someone else, too. Plus, I find that individuality is sometimes pushed against in society, and I think we need to help save individuality. If we aren't individual, it is rather hard, I think, to be able to work together and appreciate each other's talents and strengths and weaknesses.

*~*~*~*

Why?

Why?
Why didn't you tell me?
Or dad? Or mum?
Or anyone?
We could have helped you. . .

Why, Al?
Was it my fault?
Did I make you do this?
I know I was tough,
but you were always the strong one
Always


I love how this starts out. It proves that we don't know what others think- we only see the outside. We need to learn to see the inside and then we can help each other pull through the difficulties in life. I think instead of assuming that someone is strong, we should do our best to be a good friend and let them open up to us, without pushing them into what they don't want.

The Slytherin,
The smart one,
The best seeker,
You had it all!
Even a girl who loved you,
So why'd you do it?

Having it all? I think this shows James' arrogance very well. I think that what is most important is not to be popular, but rather to accept yourself and learn to build lasting relationships with others. It does nobody any good to be alone, but just because someone has "the life" doesn't mean they don't feel alone, either. I am rather enjoying this thought process!

Did you think no one would care?
'Cause we do.
Rose hasn't said a word,
Mum hasn't stopped crying,
Lily hasn't come out of her room,
and Dad. . .
No one has ever seen him like this.

Why did you leave us in this mess?
Why did you leave your best friend?
Your little sister?
The girl you said you loved?
Why did you leave me?
I'm your big brother. . .

Just so simple yet powerful. The tone and language speak for itself, and it doesn't need any superfluous imagery or description. This was beautifully done.

I thought you could tell me anything.
My favorite line of this poem. It was genius to set it apart from the other stanzas, and it delivers a powerful message, that, once again, people think rather than know others well.

Looking back,
every fight that we had,
every time we said the word hate,
I would take everything back
Just to have you standing next to me

But I'm standing here alone
Watching you be lowered in the ground
You were only seventeen!
You didn't even graduate. . .
No one will know who you could have been
You're frozen in time,
just a memory

WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
Who pushed so close to the edge you fell?
Who threw you into a room so dark,
you thought you would never see the light?
Was the storm truly so bad that the rainbow would never come?
What happened, Al?
Why didn't you tell us?

You're gone.
Dead.
None of these questions will ever be answered.
Because you can't answer them.
You left us to try to piece it together,
but we can't.
You didn't even give us a note. . .

It just stabbed my heart and sucked out my soul to read this. I have nothing to add to its heartbreaking beauty, and all I can say is that I hope to never go through this pain.

So until we join you,
we will forever ask ourselves one question
Until I see you again, little bro. .

Why?

That question haunted me when my own brother passed away, and I feel like I connect to James on some level, though my brother died of natural causes rather than suicide. I'm glad you put in that James hopes to see Albus again some day. I feel the same way about my brother.

*~*~*~*

Too Late

You're standing here,
watching me
As I stand on the edge
You came just as I was about to jump
If only you were a second late. . .

Don't you see, James?
I can't get out
Death is the only way

I've been pushed too far
The tornado's sucked me in,
and I doubt I'll ever see the light

No one's heard what I've heard
Being the butt of every joke
The Slytherin Potter,
Son of the Boy Who Lived
The mistake.

Augh! I'm so depressed now. A mistake!!!! Don't think like that, Albus!!!!!!
It is rather poetic that he is on the edge, speaking this as he prepares to jump into the unknown. You really got into Albus' head, and now I think I may have to take therapy after this.

You should know,
your my brother
But you don't,
because I'm different

I can't live anymore,
I just can't
And Dad's not here right now,
but even if he was. . .
the savior can't help,
no one can save me

Who is the savior this time? Rose? Just curious. And full of melancholy.
I sometimes feel the pain of living is too much, and I can say that it hurts worse than insults thrown at you. But I also have to say that joy and hope keeps me going. And I hope that everyone out there has enough joy to power them through their trials!

Neither can you,
don't you see?
Everything my life has been
hasn't been worth it

Every joke,
every comment or glare,
It's all boiled over
I'm sick of being the quiet one,
the bullied,
the disgraceful son of a war hero,
I'm sick of being me

So I tell you the horrible things
And you just stare
the stupid map still clutched in your hand
And then I say good bye

To you, Jamie,
To sweet Lily,
To mum and dad,
and to Rosie
Even you're not worth living like this

And then I jump
And I hear a shout
But it wasn't mine. . .
It was you

You're trying to stop me,
but you're too late,
even a cushioning charm
can't save me
Nothing can

You drive the stake deeper into my heart with each line. I love how he names everyone rather than just saying "guys" or something else more groupish. It sort of puts into perspective that each person matters, and we are all individual.

Then you jump after me,
I see you just before I hit
Pain
Such Pain. . .

The charm had almost worked,
it softened the blow
But it wasn't enough,
it only made it worse

Then you hold me,
your little brother
in your arms as I slowly fade
And through the black
I see you cry

Suddenly, I want to try again
To take it all back,
to be strong for you
But it's too late

As the first tear hits the ground
everything goes away
All the pain,
all the feeling,
all of my life

But I whisper
one last thing
only two words,
that barely made a sound
because I know I hurt you
and everyone else
But I can't take it back
And I wouldn't

At least you'll know why. . .

Too much pain to bear! I need to take a moment of silence for Albus, here. And also grab a tissue. Or four.
Okay, this poem was tragically gorgeous. The fact that is was Albus' point of view was genius and really helped me understand the feelings he was having. Just beautiful.

*~*~*~*

My Fault

No
You're not
You didn't
It's not you
You wouldn't leave me. . .

I can't believe it
You were so strong
No matter what they said or did
You just shrugged it off
You were too strong to do this. . .

Every time something happened
You were my shoulder to cry on
Now I'm crying about you
Something I've only done once

When they took it too far
You almost died
But you didn't tell
Because you were too proud and stubborn
You told me you could handle it. . .

This shift again was just wrenching my heart out. It affected everyone who knew Albus, and that tells me just how important one person is. They can influence so many people with even the simplest acts.

I remember the day before
It all came crashing down
You and I were talking
And you turned to me
I should have told someone. . .

You told me it wasn't worth it
Life wasn't good enough
You begged me not to tell
So I didn't
Why didn't I?

Oh I have chills. And I suddenly feel so far away from everything. How do you capture this so well?

It's all my fault
Everyone crying
Lily
James
Aunt Ginny
Oh god
Uncle Harry
How could I do this to him?

It's too late
They'll never forgive me
I can't tell them
It's still your secret
And I couldn't do it
I'm not brave enough
It's all my fault

Oh, exactly how I felt when my brother passed away. Poor Rose! And the feeling never really goes away but haunts you. What if I had just done this at the right time? Would he still be alive? Isn't it interesting how we ask ourselves about things we cannot fix or change?

Maybe I should join you, Al. . .
Depressed!!!!!!!!!!! No, Rose! Don't do it! Life is too precious...

*~*~*~*

Too Special

Life
Live it to the fullest
Dad does
Mum does
Merlin knows James does
So why didn't you?

You always told me
"Life is like Quidditch,
You play for the thrill."
One of the thousand things
You taught me

So why didn't you finish the game?
You were always the caring older brother
Slightly overprotective of me
But I could always ask for help
No matter what the time

While I'm the oldest, I can still relate to how Lily feels. My brother and I were close, and I felt like I could go to him any time. But now, I can't. I also loved the Quidditch analogy used. It was very appropriate for this poem.

I remember when I would hurt
You always picked up the pieces
And stitched them together tight
Now the stitches have disappeared
Because you were them
You were always there for me

Ripped apart by your death
I've scattered to the winds,
Sobbing on the ground
And dad can't sow me together
Mum can't
James can't
Only you can, Al

And now my own soul is tearing while reading this. But it's true. There are some people we connect with really well who understand us and are always there for us. But to have that taken away would be so terrible and hard to cope with. Absolutely heart wrenching.

I always wondered why Rose worried
She said it was about you
I never did,
To me you were impervious
Until that day

You almost died, Al!
Yet you didn't care
I saw your sadness
and I'm sure Rose did, too

Later that night
While you two were whispering
I eavsdropped
It all started to make sense. . .

It was them, Al, wasn't it?
They made you do this
They made you fall apart
And no one could piece you together
You were too special for all of us

I don't blame you, Al
I really don't
You were the healer
The one who fixed everyone
But one person couldn't be fixed by you
You
You were too busy worrying about us
You were too good for any of us

Why did life hurl itself at you?
Why not me?
I was so rude to you
I never asked how you were
It was always about me
Me
Me
Me
It should have been about you

I cannot express how much I enjoyed your structure and diction and anaphora. The "me me me" really emphasizes how humans take but don't give. And now Lily sees that, and she wishes for a miracle to change that.

Then we wouldn't have to pick up the pieces alone
Because you were the one who always helped
You were so special, Al
Yet you never saw

So as I chase down every single piece of my soul
Each as fragile as glass
I know I'll always remember you, Al

Every day
Every minute
Every second
No one will ever forget you
You're too great for Earth, Al
Only Heaven deserves you

Goodbye, Albus
And if I only remember one thing
Though I'll remember everything
It's this
"Life is like Quidditch,
You play for the thrill."
Now I'll play for you
Only for you
Just for you

How many times can I say wonderful and you made me cry?
The ending was just perfect and really hit home how I felt for my own brother. Living on for him. Doing it for him. I cannot express how much that means to me.
I didn't expect to get all of that out of these poems!
Well, my fingers and wrists need a rest, and so does my brain and soul. Time to go eat ice cream... ;) No, time to ponder the meaning of life. The answer is 42!
Great- no, magnificent- poems. The subject was actually just right in order to get your point across. You have a real talent for capturing the emotions of each character. Just wonderful!

Hope to read more from you soon!

~Nagini Riddle

 

MC Pansy by Astoria Greengrass
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: A rap written for the MC Kreacher Challenge in Poetry Anyone. Slytherin's queen dishes it out. Loosely based around Swish and Flick Wrock and Tik Tok's beat by Ke$ha.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 372 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
09/18/11 Updated: 09/19/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: MC Pansy

Wow! Pansy is a little cretin, isn't she? :)
I would like to commend you for striving into the field of rap, of all the most difficult things (at least, for me)! You captured it so well! I could imagine Pansy in some backwards cap and chains and jeans and a jacket, rapping it up and putting some dance moves to it!
All I can say is, I hope Pansy changed her mind after the war! :)
Great job! I have found myself rather enjoying this music rap poems, and yours was no exception! Wonderful.

~Nagini Riddle

 

The Prince's Love by Miss B
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 1]

Summary: He loved her all his life...

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 190 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/20/11 Updated: 09/24/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: The Prince's Love

First off, I just want to say that I was moved. This not only was beautiful, the structure was so mature! I loved how you framed the poem.

The first time he saw her
They were both so young
The world was new
The world was theirs
The Prince had found love


One, I like that each stanza is five lines. Not too short but not too long. :) Also, I like that your first line has to do with time in almost every stanza, and then the third and fourth stanza mirror each other in word choice. Then the last line, always about love... Your anaphora is just gorgeous! It really helps the poem feel as one unit than separate ideas. I also like the simplicity in your diction, which allows the sophisticated structure shine through. I'm rather jealous. :)

Time spent happily
They became fast friends
Learning about each other's lives
Learning about themselves
She was the Prince's Love


The emphasis that he loved her and not necessarily the other way around is rather poignant in your poem. She found in him a friend, and certainly loved him, but as a friend, not the way Snape desired her. I rather enjoyed the emphasis that while learning about each other, they also learned about themselves, which is important about relations with others.

Time couldn't stop for them
They couldn't stay in happiness forever
Growing up was inevitable
Growing apart was too
Yet she was still the Prince's Love


Oh, cruel time! How it can change everyone. I really liked the emphasis on that in this stanza. :) yet, despite it all, he still loved her. It makes me cry!

Pride, reputations, and destiny got in the way
He refused to change his ways
She cried for what they used to have
She cried for what could have been
She was always the Prince's Love


This is where there is a slight break from the structure. I would have found the first line to have more of an impact if it had used the word time or referred to it. I can sort of relate things getting in the way to being "busy," a time word, but I feel you could have used that word for effect and to keep your structure. Other than that, I loved that it made Lily just as sad as it made Severus, and she wanted to stay friends, but found that life jut wouldn't permit it.

No longer even cordial
He hopelessly watched her leave
She had moved on to better things
She had moved on from him
The Prince's love remained


See, the first line uses "longer," another time related word, which is great! And this stanza really pulled at my heart- the fact that she moved on, but he couldn't. I connected to Severus at this point. :)

Then she was gone
Her heart no longer beat
Part of her lived on in her son
Part of her lives on in him
The Prince's love would live forever


I suppose "then" can be related to time, but again, I think you need another reference to time, to really emphasize that time doesn't wait for us to do what is right. I did, however, like how you showed that Harry carried on Lily's legacy. ;)

It was his time to rejoin her
This was the end for him
He had seen his eyes
He had seen her eyes
Always, she was the Prince's Love


Augh!!!! The eyes that always captivated him! Poor Severus!!!!!! This was a beautiful way to end the poem and also allude to the fact that Snape looked into Harry's eyes before dying- though he probably felt like he was looking at Lily's eyes for the last time. It's amazing how eyes can play a vital role as a symbol of not only being a window to the soul but also a vehicle to portray emotion!!!!!!!! :)

I loved this poem so much!!!!!!!! I think a few changes can be made so the structure becomes that much more stronger, but overall it was gorgeous and really well written!

~Nagini Riddle

 

Drive Your Car On by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: When Vernon Dursley starts acting like a prat, Hestia Jones begins rapping on him, Missy Elliot style.

Winner of the MC Kreacher Challenge at Poetry Anyone (MNFF Boards). Rap inspired by and written to the beat of Missy Elliot's Get Ur Freak On, which I love to bits.

DISCLAIMER: Do you really think J.K.Rowling would write this, though?

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 388 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/26/11 Updated: 09/26/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/27/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

My goodness! I forced myself to not laugh since I've been having a bad cough lately, an laughing only makes it worse. So I smiled. And shook my head in laughter, telling my little iPod screen, "My goodness, what was Natalie thinking? She should be a songwriter! No, a rapper!" and to answer your disclaimer: JKR might not write this, but I believe you would

Author's Response: Sorry to hear about your cold. :( BAD COLD, GO AWAY! And I am considering a career in rapping, since I sometimes record raps to amuse myself. Thanks!!

 

Hey, brother by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: How desperate were the last days of Regulus Black's life? With a girlfriend in danger, and an increasing dread for his fate, he turns to the only one who can help him.

But will Sirius listen?

This poem/rap was written for the MC Kreacher challenge set by the wondrous Julia (the opaleye). I chose to base the form and feel of the rap on Stan by Eminem featuring Dido. It probably helps if you know the song, but basically there are three voices in this.

Disclaimer: JKR - nope, not me.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 530 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/27/11 Updated: 09/27/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: Hey, brother

Hello, pufflefluff!!!! :)
I just love how you are able to put emotion into everything. This was no exception. I loved what you chose for Regulus! And what a great way for Regulus to want to come back.

One note I have- I don't know if you were allowed to mess around with structure, but I think that the last two lines would have more of an impact and also make more sense if they were separate from the last stanza. Otherwise, I have to make a conscientious effort to change point of views suddenly in the same stanza, and it becomes slightly confusing. I had to read it three times before I realized that Sirius was talking to his brother. But if it was seperate from the last stanza, the change of pov would be more effective. :)

That's my only criticism. I wanted so badly to start rapping this as I read it! We definitely need to find a way so we can listen to our music fictions like this! That would be so cool to hear the lyrics we wrote to the song, and maybe make them even more dramatic...

Off to read more of your stuff...

~Nagini Riddle, a slytherin' Gryffindor

Author's Response: Thank you very muchfor the review. With regard to separating the last two lines, it's actually the last two stanzas that are from Sirius' POV which I delineated by adding an extra space between the last hook and then the start from his POV. The part about Marlene being safe, and 'Hey, brother, I just got your letter', is all from Sirius' pOV - much like the last two verses in Stan are from Eminem's POV.

Thank you again, ~Carole~

 

Vigilance! by XenaTwin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Mad-Eye Moody's last thoughts, as he prepares to lead Harry and his protectors away from the Dursley's home.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 232 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/28/11 Updated: 09/29/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: Vigilance!

I had a lot of fun reading this! It was very conversational and even though it was about vigilance, it felt not as dark as many poems about fighting are. But that can be a very good thing! It shows that even amidst terror and chaos, there can still be laughs and fun. It is how we cope with our trials that define who we are, and I think this poem does a good job of showing that, especially since you chose a character who was tough and willing to stand up for what he felt was right. :)
Great job!

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Thank you. One of the things I loved about Moody was his biting sarcastic wit even in his dire seriousness. Wonderful character.

 

Silence and Memory by minnabird
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: In the aftermath of the war, Percy finds that he cannot forgive himself.

This poem was written as a sort of companion/continuation to my fic The Long Way Back; this deals with the consequences of his actions during the war. However, you don't need to read the fic to understand the poem.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 197 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/30/11 Updated: 10/05/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/23/12 Title: Chapter 1: He remembers

First off, I would like to commend you for writing something different. This was so beautiful in structure! You should do more poems like this. :)

Heavy silence. Stifling like a cloak,
A shroud to bury his pride with the dead,
The fallen ranks whose names he sees listed,
Counted and sorted in orderly columns.
There’s no call for pride anymore.
Silence is all he can bear to give.


Gah! The imagery is just so darn beautiful. Especially the columns part. It's so scary to think of your name as just part of a list, among many other words, without significance. My only concern is that you used pride twice so close together. It would be fine if they were right next o each other, like repeating the idea to emphasize it, but there is enough gap to make it awkward for me. Perhaps "ego" could fit in for one of the "pride"s? That is my only nitpick for this stanza. The rest of it made me shiver and silent. Silent as the grave, as it were. I felt as though I was actually a part of the story, staring at the list and feeling hollow and dead. What a great start!

He remembers.

*gasps* Risky! But it works so well to let it stand alone. And it makes me stop, which is a very mature thing to do in this poem. You don't want your reader to just skim the poem, but to actually stop and be affected. And this line does just that.

A list of names, tirelessly compiled,
The sweat of hours, days, weeks,
A masterwork of persistence;
A list, in the papers, hatefully used,
Promising bloodshed and terror,
Hatred played with consummate skill.
A strident silence, demanding he speak,
A shark’s grin awaiting his response.
All sharp teeth and instinct for pain,
A gleeful Yaxley drives the knife home:
“You’ve done marvelous work, Weasley “
Too bad Umbridge took the credit.”
Silence is all he can afford to give.


The list again!!!! It will surely haunt me now! It is like the most painful cramp in my leg, which I am having currently (nothing to do with reading, I assure you). I adored the diction you used- "sweat" and "masterpiece" give so much more to the imagery of working on this list. And it makes me hate the tirade against the Muggle-borns. I already did hate it, but to see that it takes so much effort to hate against a group makes me wonder if it is really worth it? I also love how you compare the work to a shark. *Jaws music plays*
However, I don't think "gleeful" is the right word to use for Yaxley. It seems out of place with te rest of the poem. Yet, I am blanking on a better word. Think about it.
I really hate Umbridge so much. She is worse than Lockhart and Bellatrix, who are also both low on my list. (There's that list again!) This stanza only makes me hate her more!
And I love the repetitive "silence" permeating throughout the poem. It really captures the emotion of the poor man working tirelessly to please a vindictive master.

He remembers.

It's back!!!!! And just as poignant and heart-stopping as the first time. What a wonderful way to break up the stanzas.

He keeps a tally in his head:
Oliver Wood, seen at a bar, avoided;
Penny, ditto, evaded with pounding heart.
Hurrying past Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes,
Unable to face his brother’s grief.
Strained silence at the Burrow,
Air fit to snap with unspoken words,
Percy refusing to speak the truth:
He’s not worthy of his family’s love.
Silence is all he dares to give.


Poor Percy. He isn't my favorite character, but you make me feel for him. He should be worthy of his family's love! Silence reigns...

He cannot forget.

What a way to end it!

Great job!!! I wish I could take more time to give a more thorough review, but I can't. Sorry!

 

Hush, Dominique by xxbabewithbrainsxx
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Dominique can't cope with the death of a loved one. Her father tries to help her.

Based on Eminem's Mockingbird. Written for the MC Kreacher challenge over on Poetry, Anyone?

As always, thank you to Julia/the opaleye for setting such wonderful challenges at PA. Thank you also to Minna/minnabird for the comments/crit and Jess/ToBeetc for the punctuation tip.

As you can tell from the appalling mess that I call spag bol, I am not JK Rowling.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Strong Profanity

Word count: 468 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/06/11 Updated: 10/06/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/23/12 Title: Chapter 1: Hush, Dominique

Oh wow! If I try really hard, I can almost rap this! What a great song! I want to read more about Dominique now. :) What I always find funny about raps is that they are just sentences said really fast to some rhythm. They aren't what I would consider "lyrical poetry" like most songs are. But I find that your rap song has a lyrical sense to it. Great job!
Just a side note- you really only used one bad word- was it really necessary? Either take it out or go crazy. Just a suggestion.

Author's Response: Hello, Kaylee!

I love Mockingbird -- it was the first song of Eminem's that I heard, and I bloody loved it. Ummm, I've deleted the story I had written on Dominique, though she does appear in another one, Blood and Roses, so do check that out if it's your thing. But I'm not sure it would be -- I don't think you're into slash (correct me if I'm wrong) and it is, ha, slashy :P

YAY to you finding it lyrical despite the very much non-lyricism of it :D I disagree with you on the swearword, however. Eminem only used the f-word right at the end, and I find swearing far more effective if it's used sporadically rather than too much. I also don't think Bill would be one to swear a lot -- only when the safety of his daughter is concerned does he get really angry, I suppose.

This is definitely not one of my favourite poems (I'm not much of a poet anyway), so it means a lot that you liked it :) Ta for the review.

Soraya xxx

 

The Pauper's Tale by ljmckay
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Harry Potter is living a perfectly normal life, until a mysterious letter arrives for his cousin. Why is his mother so worried, and his aunt so excited? A journey into Uncle Sev's memories may provide the answers...

Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 6486 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/23/11 Updated: 10/25/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/26/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Okay, so your other story of All that Glitters is Gold ( I think that was the title) makes more sense now, but I still find myself wanting more! Why did Lily marry James and not Snape? Why won't she marry Snape now? He seems like a very good candidate for her now!
Anyways, this really got me to look at the Wizarding world in a different light. An amazing job!

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! As to Lily and Snape, well, he still has some issues, even though he's a lot easier to deal with in this story. ;) James was always the more charming candidate, and Lily was young. Now? We'll see, but I think there is a lot of painful history between them. I hope I can give you more soon, but I'm a little bit stalled on the continuation.

 

Winter by Padfoot11333
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary:

He says when you gonna make up your mind?

When you gonna love you as much as I do?

Cause things are gonna change so fast

I tell you that I'll always want you near

You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts

Flowers competing for the sun *

Lily Evans and Severus Snape are best friends. Right?

Severus Snape and James Potter are worst enemies. Right?

But what happens when Lily has to make up her mind? What happens when she can no longer put up with Severus, and she can no longer ignore James?

Things change, and that's what Lily has to discover. But what else she discovers is that many things stay the same. And she can't decide what should stay and what should go.

*Lyrics taken from Winter by Tori Amos

Categories: Severus/Lily Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 2479 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
10/31/11 Updated: 12/08/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/28/12 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Well, where is the rest of this story??????? I was all ready for more, because you have set up a brilliant story! I think you've captured Snape really well, and poor Lily just sees the boy who was her childhood friend, although I think that she does see the good that is in him.
Keep this story going!!! Please!!!! :D

 

Summary: A stern resolve envelops those who prepare for the Battle of Hogwarts.


This poem has been nominated for a 2012 Quicksilver Quill: Best Poem.



Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 112 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/05/11 Updated: 11/05/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/23/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Okay, I have to rewrite my whole review because the stupid Internet just quit on me! Don't you hate when that happens? And it was such a great review!!!! So here's what I remember of it...

Rah rah!!!! This makes me want to take up my sword- er, wand- and take a stand! It strongly reminded me of all those speeches that coaches give to their teams in the movies. You have such a great command of language! And your sonnet was beautifully rhythmic! My sonnets in the Harry Potter world lack that element, but yours was flawless- and I'm not just saying that to be nice. I really did love that I could almost hear a battle drum sounding!

My favorite word? "Swath." It is now my word of the day! It has such a great imagery in such a short word! And it works so well for a battle poem!

If I strain myself really hard and have to find something to be fixed... It would have to be your second line of the first stanza. The rhythm doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem, and I think it's because of your word choice. It would work better without the "and" but I also realize that each line needs ten syllables. So, I would find a synonym for "strong" that is two syllables and take out "and." Or you can just skip this little portion of my review and be happy with your poem, since it really is a piece of art! ;)

Thanks for reading this review, though I didn't have much to say to help you further your skills. Your skills are way better than mine... :)

~Nagini Riddle

 

Betrayal/Regret by Gmariam
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: A pair of sonnets that explore the betrayal and regret of the Marauders.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 234 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/06/11 Updated: 11/06/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Two sonnets

Okay, I have to review these again!!!!!! They are just so beautifully written and I am in awe!


i. Betrayal

We roamed the night, a foursome strong and free.
The forest bound our friendship fast and true,
And yet our bond was one we’d come to rue:
For you betrayed our love and loyalty.

First off, the rhyme scheme is so well done! The rhyme isn't forced and it allows the true regret and betrayal come through. :) I love how it has a dark sense to it because you mentioned how they became friends in a dark forest. And my heart breaks at the bitter tone in the last two lines- we have come to regret our friendship with you because you are a traitor! It makes me shiver, and I hope to never be a traitor! My only nitpick is that the rhythm of the poem isn't quite iambic and seems slightly off... But I don't know how to help with that, since I am not an expert on meter or rhythm! Still, the stanza works, and it broke my heart!

You turned-abandoned light to serve the dark;
The shadow in your soul now somehow bought.
Whether feared or forced it matters not:
For you betrayed us when you took the Mark.


Very nice imagery! I can see the darkness an shadows forcing themselves onto Peter. And I actually liked that you said "Mark" instead of dark mark, because it lends to ambiguity. He was marked in more ways than one, and each mark was a betrayal and drive him farther from "the good side."

We trusted you, above all else we gave
Our faith-our very lives-into your hand!
And yet you broke our hope, our desperate plan:
For you betrayed them to their final grave.


First off, I love how you allude to the Secret-Keeer job. Their lives were in Peter's hands, literally! I also enjoyed that you didn't say death, but implied that they lost their lives by going to their final grave, which has a spooky effect on me and scares me, especially with Halloween so close now.... :)

Run, you spineless coward, traitor, spy:
For I will never rest until you die.


The shift into directness and this bitter hateful tone scared me. It whacked me in my heart, no joke. Th threat is so strong and terrorizing, but at the same time, you wrote the rest of the poem so well that I can feel the justification in wanting to kill Peter. Great job on your poem! It doesn't matter if it wasn't iambic or anything- in fact, it's entirely possible it is iambic and I just didn't pick up on it. I said I am horrible at meter!


ii. Regret

I gave myself unto a master dark,
Who took my life, my hand, my every friend.
He left me naught but silver in the end,
And bleak regret that I did take the Mark.


I really liked how this tied so well into the other poem. You have repeating motifs that are depressing yet gorgeous at the same time.
And great allusion to the silver hand!!!! He really did leave him silver, didn't he? The hand child him in the end....

I know I sold their lives to save my own!
I mourn it still to this, my dying day.
The end is near and now I cannot say:
That I regret the pain you’ve always known.


I wonder if Peter really did feel any regret for his actions. But I love how depressing this stanza was. It leaves me sad that they lived for so with the feeling of regret and revenge. It just really pricks my heart.

For I was wrong, my choice a craven deed
That no repentance ever can undo.
False friend, dishonest rat-I know it’s true.
I do regret the life you've had to lead.


Great word choice!!! "Craven" has become my favorite word of the entire piece. And, the fact that his regrets are directed towards his friends and not at himself tells me that maybe he feels he deserves what happened to him. How depressing!

I am a spineless coward, traitor, spy:
But now, at last, in darkness I can die.


What a great way to tie this into the other sonnet! It must take a lot of guts to admit to being a coward, and it is really sad that he left himself to die in the darkness!

These poems were fantastic!!!! I have thoroughly enjoyed then the second time around. I seem to be reading a lot of depressing poetry... ;)

Keep it up!!!!!! I want to read more poems from you! :)

~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: A very belated thank you for such an amazing review!! I am not sure what I did to deserve such a heap of loveliness, but I really appreciate it. I wrote these poems about a year ago now and always hoped they'd get a bit more of a response. Now my wish is fulfilled! I do believe this is iambic, as that is the standard meter for a sonnet. I'm glad they worked so well together. Yes, I do think Peter felt regret. Sometimes I find it so hard to believe that James, Sirius, and Remus could be friends with someone like him without there being something worth being friends with, you know? Something pushed him to do what he did, and I do think it was hard for him. As for writing more poems...I used to write more for archive challenges, now it's mostly when the inspiration hits. It does take me some work, lol. I'm still so glad you came by to read these two poems and leave such a gorgeous review. Sorry for the belated gratitude and rambly reply. Thank youuuuuu! ~Gina :)

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 07/19/12 Title: Chapter 1: Two sonnets

Wow! What a great way to write about how the Mauraders felt about betrayal! Wonderfully done! And happy birthday! Equinox Chick said to say that and review your stuff! :) So I am. *sings happy birthday with her somewhat good voice* *laughs*

Author's Response: A very belated thank you for both the review and the birthday wishes! I'm so glad you read this poem, as I felt it was a strong poem that no one read, lol. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks again! ~Gina :)

 

The Two Black Sisters by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: When their sister runs away with a Mudblood, desecrating their family's honour, how do they react?



This poem won Stage 2:Free Verse at the Triathlon at Poetry Anyone? Inspired by the following prompt:

We must not look at goblin men,

We must not buy their fruits:

Who knows upon what soil they fed

Their hungry, thirsty roots?


~Christina Rossetti, Goblin Market

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 187 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/06/11 Updated: 11/06/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/27/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Ah, if only Cissy had decided to follow Andromeda... Bellatrix- I don't know what to say about her. She is twisted, but it is partially her family's fault for teaching her such values. It makes me wonder why some children follow in their parents' footsteps and others don't...
Great poem, by the way, and thanks, too, for giving me the information for joining the contests! I hope I will do well in them! :)

Author's Response: Yes. -sigh- The Blacks were a piece of work. I think the difference was that Bellatrix had an inherent cruelty in her which was unleashed by her service under Volders. >.< Thanks for the read and review!

 

Dragon and Dove by Envy_I_May_Be
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Dragon and Dove; innocence and shadow; light and dark. They are rivals, yet one cannot exist without the other. A Dramione poem.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 118 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/12/11 Updated: 11/19/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 07/18/12 Title: Chapter 1: Dragon and Dove

Wow! Great opposites. Why has nobody given this a review????????? Beautiful poem!

Author's Response: You're racking up major brownie points here, lol. Thank you :)

 
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/20/12 Title: Chapter 1: Dragon and Dove

This is beautiful! I love the contrast between dragon and dove and your diction is just gorgeous! I have nothing to add to its beauty, but I would like to express concern on punctuation- the first half used it, then the last half doesn't really. Was there a purpose to that? It kind-of distracted me, but I overlooked it in order to read the poem.

My favorite line was, "steal my innocence." I thrilled at reading it. I felt like this was a love story of sorts- and it makes me want to be the dragon- or maybe the dove... but I feel sometimes like I am both. Ooh! That's another great interpretation- two sides to one person...

I must leave this review and now ponder my new train of thought!

 

The Dark Son's Lament by Envy_I_May_Be
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: A poem about Draco's feelings about becoming a Death Eater; set during HBP.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 218 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/28/11 Updated: 12/07/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 07/18/12 Title: Chapter 1: The Dark Son's Lament

Goodness! What a dark poem. But such beautiful diction! I was blown away, and I feel a little sense of deep foreboding. *shivers*

 

How Many Times by iwannabeanauror
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: After Lily leaves her Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L, she writes a poem to the person she thought was her best friend for life.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 100 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/29/11 Updated: 12/07/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 09/20/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

HEY!!!! Great letter poem! I actually rather enjoyed that this wasn't flowery and full of imagery. It was blunt, just like Lily is. I wrote a similar poem, titled Where is Your Heart in the PA. But what really drew me in was that Lily wished for their friendship to continue but found the strength to tell Severus that she couldn't let their friendship continue.

Spelling: "Dissagreements" only has one "s"

I have loved all you poetry! Great job!

 

A Miracle For Christmas by Hypatia
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: When Sirius Black has an idea, not even his friends can convince him it’s doomed to failure. Thus, when Sirius decides to throw a Christmas party in order to play matchmaker for James and Lily, nothing will deter him from his plans. However, Sirius has never actually hosted a party before and one disaster follows the next. Eventually, even Sirius has to admit that it would take a miracle in order for Lily to fall for James. Fortunately, Christmas is a time for miracles...

This is Hypatia of Gryffindor, writing for the Great Hall-iday Challenge, Operation: Mistletoe

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 12533 Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/08/11 Updated: 12/17/11


Reviewer: Nagini Riddle Signed
Date: 05/26/12 Title: Chapter 5: A Little Christmas Miracle

Aww, this was so sweet! But also extremely hilarious! I busted up laughing. I'm glad I read Where Darkness meets Light before this, because the minute Lily said her best gift had been a necklace, my brain clicked!
Thanks for another great story. I think JKR herself should employ you, because a lot of your stories are perfect for filing in the little holes. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I would love to work for JKR (even for free, heck I'd be willing to pay her). I'm really glad you enjoyed my take on how James and Lily finally got together.

Thanks for reviewing,
Hypatia

 
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES