This story is not yet complete, but it seems that the sick boy serves as a vehicle for the larger issue of establishing connections between the Muggle and Magical worlds in law enforcement and medicine.

In the attention-grabbing beginning to this story, the Constable is looking for the "mystery man" who has left such a meager paper trail in his life. We catch a glimpse of the Dursleys, Petunia who has softened in her attitude toward Harry, and Vernon who is as irascible as ever. And we see Robert's first interaction with the wizard Harry.

It is a little hard to accept that Harry decides to confide everything in Robert so rapidly, or that Robert believes in Harry's magic world so quickly. Even given the incentive of helping a dangerously ill boy, one might expect more caution in Harry or more skepticism in Robert, and later in Eleanor. Still, Chapter 1 is interesting and enjoyable, and the sentences are well constructed.

Chapter 2 had two little issues for me. First, a lot of magical characters (Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Hannah, Madam Pomfrey, Kingsley, and the kids) are introduced all at once. I get a feeling of a Class Reunion. It seems overwhelming. I might have introduced them more slowly, one or two at a time over the rest of the story.

The second issue is that in-jokes and obscure references (such as trout and mushrooms) in the presence of Muggles who don't understand them and therefore get confused and cannot follow the conversation are not polite. I have seen this in other works of other authors, and it seems out of character for Harry and his friends to behave that way in front of their guests. It feels exclusionary. On the other hand, Hermione's impulse to explain Gamp's Law is the opposite; she is trying to be inclusive, though Ron's brief explanation ("rules and restrictions") is more appropriate at the moment.

We see here a Harry who chafes under the restrictions imposed by the Secrecy Statute and is eager to test its boundaries, even if that behavior gets him in trouble with the Ministry of Magic, the Muggle world, or both. One can almost see him charging into Radcliffe Hospital with wands blazing, if needs be, and ending up in a Muggle jail. (That would be an interesting development.) We hope he is more intelligent than impetuous, or, as Hermione would say, has a good plan. It will be fun to see where this story goes.

I enjoyed reading this story, a well-written glimpse into the life, thoughts, and moral evolution of Andromeda Black.

The timeline was a little confusing. Andromeda starts out at Hogwarts in 1964, takes the OWL exams five years later, in 1969, and should have graduated in June of 1971. But the 1973 entry sounds as if she is still at Hogwarts. Her father says, "I don't think we should let our daughters [plural] stay there anymore." But by 1973 there should be only one daughter, Narcissa, still at school. And Andromeda thinks "And Ted...How could I leave him?" as if they were both still at Hogwarts.

For a girl who was so determined at age 11 to do what her family expected, and who seven years later still doesn't know what to do because her family doesn't love her, she makes a fairly abrupt about-face. Even though she has been observing Muggleborns at Hogwarts for years and has been seeing that they don't seem bad, but rather as human as purebloods, she has been unable to resolve this cognitive dissonance until Ted Tonks spells it out for her. (I would have liked to see a few more lines of dialogue between Andromeda and Ted before she spills her story to him; her confession seemed a little sudden, given that she had not been in the habit of talking with Muggleborns at all.)

Then it is two more passive years (at school or at home?) before she finally makes a break, which seems to be impelled more by love for Ted than by a final, overt rejection of her family's values. I wonder, as she headed down the stairs with her trunk, whether she sneaked out of the house unseen or had a final blow-up with her parents.

This relatively timid girl, who doesn't get her backbone until she is 20 years old, contrasts sharply with the older Andromeda whom we meet in the books at age 42, tough and strong, a survivor.

The writing style is fluid and graceful, the words well-chosen, and the characterizations of the members of the Black family are well-drawn. This piece is a good addition to the backstory of Andromeda Black.

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for the review :D. I see that you've found quite a bit of mistakes; I'm sorry ,but I guess I didn't do my research as well as I thought I had, hah. I'll go over it and edit any corrections. Thank you! And as for the contrasting characters: I had never written Andromeda before, and this was just a trial. I guess I couldn't nail her properly enough. But this is what it seemed would be like; it didn't seem to me that she'd be an outright rebel like Sirius, considering that she was a Slytherin. I think as a child she would have wanted to follow her family traditions, but as she got older she realised that it was all wrong. That's what I was aiming for :).

As I remember, Andromeda was blasted off her family tree "for marrying Muggle-born Ted Tonks". Since it didn't say that she was disowned for not following family values or anything, I just had her leave due to her love for Ted, hah. And I think she would have said something to her parents, but I didn't feel that scene was needed too much, so I left it up to the readers' interpretation :).

I'm glad you like the characterisation of the rest of the family, though! And once again, thank you so much for the review; it's greatly appreciated :). --Nadia

I particularly liked this story because of your spare (in the sense of not overdone) writing style. The story is told tightly, with the dialogue and no-more-than-necessary action, so that the reader does not have to slog through endless verbiage to glean the essence of the story. This makes your story very refreshing to read. I also appreciate a story in which the characters act intelligently and sensibly, since I tend to get impatient with characters who act like fools, as if they are their own worst enemies. Will enjoy reading more of this story.

This is an interesting story about a character who has always seemed ambiguous. Her sisters Bellatrix and Andromeda are presented as bad and good, respectively, but Narcissa is harder to characterize. Is she an actor or a victim? Passive or resolute? Responsible or not responsible? The author captures this ambiguity well as Narcissa waits, alone, pondering her past actions and re-examining her past beliefs and assumptions.

I am impressed by the author's ability to organize Narcissa's jumbled thoughts so coherently and by the way the different topics flow, one after another, so fluidly: her trepidation about her upcoming trial and its probably result, her conclusion that everyone has already written her off as a criminal, her realization that her former values were ignoble and her former friends were merely sycophants.

The author cleverly uses the word "green", the color of Slytherin House, to symbolize everything that Narcissa used to have and has now lost. Even her party gowns are literally green. But now, all that symbolically green world is gone, and by setting the scene in the snowy months of the year, the author lets the disappearance of the green plants in the garden under a blanket of snow represent Narcissa's final loss of everything that constituted her life: her family, her social group, her standing in the wizarding world.

A story with only one character, no dialogue, and almost no action is a challenge to write without becoming bogged down in general emotion and angst or overly flowery description. But this stream-of-consciousness piece works, sentence fragments and all (which don't bother me in the slightest, though some people do object). It represents a seven-month-long turning point for Narcissa, even though she cannot see into her future, which, whatever it turns out to be, will be utterly different from what she has ever known.

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review. I'm glad you liked it.

This is an interesting description of a little moment in time, when Luna is captured by the Death Eaters. It is written in the first person, from Luna's point of view. The short sentence structure evokes her unique thought processes. She jumps, in her mind, from topic to topic, and thoughts of the imaginary creatures invented by her father intrude on her attempts to understand what is going on around her.

The first conversational section, between Neville and Luna, seems unsubstantial to me. I'm not sure what it contributes to the main theme of the story. The collection of short paragraphs that follow are a good description of the changes and deterioration of the environment in the school and in society in general as Voldemort rises in power. Then the last of these short paragraphs, where Lune speaks of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, reminds us again that her grasp of the situation (and therefore her reaction to it) is still distorted by her belief in her father's "crazy theories".

In the end, she is too distracted to protect herself, to Ginny's great frustration, when the Death Eaters seize her and take her away. She asks, "How do you Disapparate?" but I do seem to remember that somewhere in the books Luna says that her father taught her to Apparate when she was younger than the usual age for Hogwarts students to learn the skill. (Maybe I disremember.)

Writing Luna must be a challenge. (I have never tried it.) It would be a mistake to stereotype her as a ridiculous figure. She was not a stupid or crazy person, despite her adherence to her father's beliefs. She was a successful Hogwarts student, but with a unique outlook on life and a remarkably even temperament. The author has captured her personality well.

This is a sweet story about surmounting failure and disappointment to go on to what is really important and satisfying. No, Mr. Bagnold will probably never approve of his daughter's not getting a prestigious job at the Ministry, but it is his loss for failing to see the value of any other occupation.

June makes a big step into adulthood by coming to understand that it is no longer her obligation to direct her life so as to please certain other people. The life and the decisions are hers, and the opinions of other people, even people as close as her parents, simply don't matter any more. In metaphorical language we refer to it as cutting the apron strings, and I suppose that most of us have gone through this process, even when we didn't graduate with disappointing grades.

I like the structure of this story: a series of snapshots to illustrate the pivotal moments in her journey, so that a long tale could be told in a brief span. (That is an art, as I have learned in trying to cram a whole story into the word-limits of a drabble.) Some less important considerations must of necessity be left out, such as what did her father think of her final decision? Did he ever come around? And, as she knows now, that IS unimportant. Once she is released from paternal expectations, she is free to grow in the directions that are right and needful for her. Mr. Bagnold's insistence on an "important" and "prestigious" career in the Ministry suggests a basic insecurity on his part, due to his family's attempts at upward mobility, whereas June is moving past that level of development.

I like the fact that the relationship between June and Vivian did not appear to be strained. There was no reason that it should be, even with their individual differences, but some authors might have been tempted to insert some tension there. This author wisely did not.

Although this story is made in large part of June's thoughts, without a lot of dialogue, the narrative carries along at a nice pace and does not get bogged down. The characters of June and her mother are well developed, and the lesser characters of Vivian and Mr. Bagnold fit neatly into their roles. A successful and enjoyable story.

Nicely written, and I am glad that you are addressing a topic I have wondered about also, namely, parents who have reservations about sending their children to Hogwarts. It will be interesting to see where this story goes.

Author's Response: Thanks! More about Phoenix's parents' reservations in the next chapter.

This story was a bit challenging to read, and as moments in Shell Cottage go, it was a little moment, but worthwhile.

At first I thought the voice was just Hermione's during the time when she was being tortured by Bellatrix, but there were odd elements: looking around and seeing four bare walls, no other people. Then seeing a window/mirror that wasn't there a moment ago. Then looking at herself in the mirror. These things didn't happen in Malfoy Manor.

I felt a sense of deja vu when, in the midst of these terrifying events, Hermione sees the humor in comparing her situation to characters in books. Why did that seem familiar, someone taking a break from their present horror for this stray parenthetical thought? Then I realized why; my mind flashed back to the day in Mexico, waiting at the side of the road for the arrival of the ambulance, crying "My God, my God, it hurts, it hurts" but simultaneously assessing what number this level of pain reaches on the Clinical Pain Scale, according to the parameters. Yes, people can think like that. Hermione could.

Then suddenly it is all revealed to be a nightmare, a blend of memories of things that actually happened and metaphors for what those things meant. Like a miracle, in an instant, in the blink of an eye, Hermione is transported from total disaster, the brink of death, to total safety and enfolding love.

It is completely believable that after her harrowing experience at Malfor Manor, Hermione cannot bear to be parted from Ron. I am reminded of accounts of families who have experienced some major disaster and afterwards feel compelled to sleep all together, huddled next to one another on the living room floor with all the lights on.

The writing is lush, but not too much so. The whole story is summed up in the final line; that's the short version. The rest of the story is the elaboration of those thirteen words, but it avoids repetiton, and each paragraph manages to provide something new and unique. If this is a story that was just dashed off in a brief span of time between classes, that's impressive.

Author's Response: Yes, that's why I'm usually wary about writing those moments. There's plenty of space where you can fill the blanks but, oftentimes, I don't think I'd be able to write a coherent enough story to fit that space. So thanks for the comment on that!

I'm also glad that you picked up on the nightmare, since that was supposed to be the segue into Shell Cottage. I didn't know if I had made it 100% clear that was going on and was an aftermath of the torture, but if one person picks up on that then I think that's fine. It's even better that others interpreted it differently. As for the length, I just can't seem to write anything long without it just falling to pieces. It's probably because I can only really fire off a story in a few sittings and after that I lose focus.

Either way, thanks for the review! (I'm sure you'd like the thematically similar Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean, by the way.... just shillin' here)

I have read a lot of your poetry, so I was intrigued about seeing how you handle a prose piece. I enjoyed reading your story; it was very imaginative. The first part (Merope's initial interactions with Abraxas) and third part (Merope's interactions with Salazar and Abraxas in the castle) were written in a more straightforward manner, though with your trademark colorful description. The central part (after Merope drinks the potion until she wakes up in the cottage) was almost surrealistic. If I wrote the story, I would use fewer adjectives, but that would be my style, not yours.

The third part was a little confusing to me; I had to read it over again to get a good handle on what was going on and to understand more fully the conversation between Abraxas and Salazar. That is not bad; I like a story that makes me struggle a bit to catch the implications of things not spelled out in words of one syllable. And in the end there were still points I was unsure of -- some of the specifics of what Abraxas and Salazar were planning, whether Abraxas had visited Salazar before, why Abraxas needed to make his own antidote when it seemed that Salazar had plenty of it, etc. But that is how it often is in real life, questions remaining unanswered, skeletal remains never identified.

On the technical side some items of grammar and word choice needed to be improved. There were places where a past participle was used in the place of a past tense, such as "She almost sunk to a heap on the floor." It should be "She almost sank..." ("sank" is a past tense) or else "She has/had almost sunk..." ('sunk" is a past participle, like "eaten' or 'flown", and needs a helping verb "has" or 'had'). In other places a past tense was used where you needed a past participle ("she had never ran for her life before" needs to be "she had never run..." and "she had drank a potion" needs to be "she had drunk a potion).

In a few spots it appeared that you were looking for a particular word but ended up with a similar-sounding word that actually has a different meaning. At one point you said "allies" (friends, supporters) when I think you were looking for "alleys" (paths, roadways), and there were a few other spots of this sort.

These flaws don't detract from the pace or imagination of the story, but they give it an unpolished sound. To your group of betas who advise you on plot and characterization, you could add a beta who is simply a stickler for grammar and word usage.

Speaking of characterization, I though you did a good job depicting Merope's dejected and depressed personality, the result of a lifetime of abuse. But you also showed flashes of the strength and initiative that she could have had under better circumstances, if she had lived longer.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. :) I like the points you made on my grammar- to be honest, it's more my computer/keyboard hitting the wrong letter and autocorrecting to what it think it should be in that moment, which is annoying. So if I spell "run" wrong on accident from going to fast, it likes to make it "ran." And, of course, I suck with past tense grammar. Anyways, the point of the mystery was because it was supposed to focus mainly on Merope, who wouldn't even know why Abraxas did what he did. I debated leaving it completely from her point of view, but I felt a few questions- not all- neede to be answered. In the future, I may revise it. It makes me happy to have you think I characterized Merope well. Abraxas and Slytherin, on the other hand, were much harder! And then, we must remember that this was based on picture prompts given one at a time, and then only a month three weeks to tie it all together. I am not a fast prose writer! *chuckles* This being one of my few Chaptered stories, I was pretty proud of how it turned out. Thanks again for your review. ;) I love to hear from you!

This story is nicely written and fun to read. An interesting moment in time to focus on.

Author's Response: Thank you for saying so! I was a bit worried this wouldn't be interesting at all, since I've never written anything near a Historical fic before. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)