I am about science, soccer, and sleep.
Very good. Kind of "piecewise" humor, that is, individual jokes are good but there aren't big stories that fit together with one punch line. I sometimes think it would do everyone a lot of good to take some Verit., and I also think that you captured what teenagers would say under the influence of Verit. very well. I'm having some fun right now just imagining what would happen if this happened at my school. I can think of three relationships off the top of my head that would be over, and not many, but a significant number, of our athletes would end up ruled ineligible, etc. A sequel, detailing how people deal with what they've said, would be brilliant.
About the historical accuracy question: in Shakespeare's *Julius Caesar*, Brutus and Cassius commit suicide when it became clear they would lose the battle. If this is incorrect, how is the real story known, and why didn't Shakespeare use it?
It's a good story. I think the descriptions of the battles were a little succinct and matter-of-fact; his life would have been at risk, everything was on the line, and it somehow seems secondary. Of course, since this is first person, that fits in with the "hastily jotted narrative" air of the story, so it's not that bad. This does help to resolve the question of why almost all of the spells are in Latin; focused, incantational magic began in Rome, which helps to explain why they were so successful, defeating Carthage, Greece, and Egypt. Their decline could then be traced to Christian opposition to magic and the leakage of wizarding secrets to barbarians.
Very good...a good job Hermy. did, if no one was seriously injured, pregnant, or expelled. With what the older students get up to, that would have been quite an accomplishment.
However, wouldn't Ginny be Ginerva W. Potter, since that's her maiden name? Or did she just decide not to observe that tradition?
Not bad at all. I'd agree that Gryffindor--esp. drunk--would do something like that; very amusing.
One minor point: what you used was Middle English, as spoken after the Norman Conquest. Since true Old English is only about half comprehensible with a lot of effort, I would have just "translated" from Old English and used Modern English (post-Shakespeare).
Author's Response: Sorry. I don't speak Old English and Middle English just added to the feel of the story. Thank you for reviewing.
You definitely captured Remus well, and Sirius. I know very well how plans of this type can cause debacles and get out of hand, and that was pretty realistic. Wormtail was maybe a little too cheerful and independent; I'd think he would have killed the goose when told to do so by Sirius, considering what he became later. I love the song lyrics. 8/10 (I'm a hard marker)
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you found Remus and Sirius to be in character (I rarely write Marauder era and was nervous about how everyone came off). As for Peter... provided he didn't want to kill the goose in the first place, I can see him just putting it off until left with no other option but to kill it. I don't think he would have gone so far as to openly defy Sirius but I can see him delaying an unpleasant task. (Also, I wanted to use it to show Lily that James had matured a bit since Snape's Worst Memory by having him step in on Peter's behalf without putting Peter in an awkward position with Sirius. I think the younger James would have stayed out of it and let Sirius walk all over Peter.) Hopefully I didn't stretch Peter's character too much.
Since you mentioned the song lyrics... there are actually a few more verses to You're a Mean One, Voldemort, however this fic was for a challenge and the judge's ruling was that only half could make it in if the entire song were to be considered for a separate challenge. If you're interested, the entire song can be found in Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 2 which contains many other Potterized Christmas songs.
Thanks for reviewing,
Minor grammatical point: it's "Quidditch players' registration forms" since "players" is plural.
It's not superb, but it's an okay story. I understand how one sometimes has days when one simply does not want to work, and almost physically can't...
Author's Response: I shall flagellate myself appropriately, but please don;t feel you have to read anymore as you're right, it is not superb at all. A superb story would not have me on this site, but would make me JK Rowling, after all.