My Penname is BrokenPromise because that is how I found this Harry Potter.
When I was younger, I saw a trailer for a Harry Potter movie, and it scared me. That day I decided that I would never have anything to do with Harry Potter.
Just before DH1 came out in cinemas, a friend told me that Dumbledore died. I knew a little bit of Potter background and I quite liked Professor Dumbledore, so I asked her who had done it. She showed me the first book and said, "Read it." I read them all within two weeks, and then watched DH1 in the cinema.
Having read all the books and seen all the movies, I started writing a Fanfiction, and then looked for inspiration online. What I found was this archive and all the wonders within. Like many others, I have enjoyed the work on this site. I started writing because I thought I ought to give something back.
I now have some work up! I am working on some more but am having a little bit of a writer's block on a couple of them. I also have some poetry from the beta boards too, which I will eventually post here.
By the way, I would like to thank you if you are reading this and hope that you have enjoyed/ will enjoy my work.
Early November Morning
Forget Me Not
How to be Beautiful (In progress)
Red Hair and Yellow Ribbons (In progress)
A Dursley Lament
If He Had Known
The Final Duel
The View From By Your Side
That was very well 'potter-fied' and really suited the pair of them. I loved the insults!
Author's Response: Thank you. i had the insults in my head before anything else - well the face like a pug one, anyway. This is my favourite even Christmas Song and I could only see Draco and Pansy in the lead roles. *sigh* ~Carole~
Awww....that was so cute! It was refreshing to see Scorpius shipped with someone other than Lily or Rose that was still a Weasley. And I'm hungry now and it's all your fault for mentioning gumdrops! No, I thought that it brought them together really well and was as good a reason as any. And little Alexandra must be my favourite part of the whole fic, I wonder if she'll take after the Weasley side or the Malfoy side...
By the way, I'm really sorry if my slightly speculative and rather incoherent reviews are annoying you now. But I'll probably be haunting your stuff for a while so brace yourself... :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I was completely obsessed with gumdrops when I wrote this, so I understand. I'm glad you enjoyed the pairing. I hinted at it in another fic or two and thought I'd give it it's own. I'm not sure which side Alexandra will take after, hmmm. And no, of course your reviews are not annoying me! Reviews make an author's day like almost nothing else! So many stories go unread, or unread without comment, that it's amazing whenever someone leaves one review, let alone so many. So thank you! I'm so glad you've enjoyed some of my stories! Thank you again!! ~Gina :)
A sweet twist on what could potentially be a very serious subject matter!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I appreciate that you "got" the premise of my story.
I really thought that the characterisation of Tom Riddle was very good, and I really liked some of the small touches, especially mufti (a very British word), Henri de Mal-Fois (an ancestor of the Malfoys?) and the Aural Augmentors and the book on them (which I assume Fred and George found and then created their Extendable Ears). I also enjoyed the hints about Grindelwald which connected Dmitri and Dumbledore.
Really good story.
Author's Response: Thanks for being this story's inaugural reviewer. I found Tom Riddle harder to write than e.g. Draco Malfoy, because he has to be unfailingly polite and well-mannered, both to teachers and to his "friends". His innate nastiness has to be revealed mainly through his thoughts and actions. He doesn't just steal a library book (something even Hermione might have done, if she had a strong enough reason), he steals it for the explicit purpose of denying its knowledge to others. I never quite decided how Fred and George got onto the Ears: did they find the book, or just the page with the recipe that Tom tore out to keep, or the book minus that page (and they reinvented the recipe thmselves)?
I really enjoyed this. Some bits made me laugh, but others were quite intense. You have a good writing style.
I love stories that are about minor characters, and this was no exception. Brilliant.
Author's Response: Thank you! There are actually a lot of minor character fics flooding the boards at the moment due to a challenge over at the beta boards, so you might be able to find some others you enjoy, too.
I'm glad you liked this story. I did have fun writing it, and liked the challenge of trying to make both of them slightly more decent human beings (yet still ego ridden idiots - ha ha)
Thanks again. ~Carole~
Brilliant story line, well written.
Just a few mistakes I spotted:
On the first line, I think that 'change' should be 'changed'.
Later on, you say vaunting ambition, but shouldn't that be vaulting ambition? A short quote from Shakespeare's Macbeth, I believe.
Apart from those errors which were probably just typos, a really good piece.
Well written as usual. It was sad and not at all what I expected from the summary, but I didn't read the category or warnings so I suppose that's my fault. (I kind of just saw your penname and thought 'this is bound to be good')
No, a really interesting idea, and I loved the numbness at the end. Was it just because he didn't feel love or hate or could it maybe have been a bit of guilt? Well that's probably just me and my crazy mind reading more into things than are there. Just amazing as usual!
Author's Response: I think your crazy mind is spot on, actually. I have in mind that Sirius didn't/couldn't feel that much of an attachment to anyone other than his friends, but was starting to feel something for Benjy. His fear would have been that if it ended badly then he'd lose a friend as well.
I didn't want to put this in the SSP cat because, as you've discovered, it's unrequited, so I kept it as Marauder but with the warning.
Thank you very much for the review ~Carole~
Oooo...Bea and Oliver have met before....interesting....
Don't worry about the profanities: they make Bea seem more real and down to earth. I mean, I would be annoyed in her position, especially if my favourite subject was divination. The shouting is perhaps a bit much if there are teachers around, but I'll just assume they're not.
Her ignorance of the Slytherins is another grounding touch, making her the sort of Gryffindor that I want to see more of, not the hero stereotype or the Slytherin view (haughty and useless).
Muggle Studies does seem very realistic, especially the change from sunny and fascinating to dark and horrible and with the Slytherins. It also set up an encounter very well.
I quite liked Oliver, so it was a bit odd to hear Romilda call him awful. Erica being gossippy and get them all into a bit of a fix, or was it planned by the Slytherins...? Astoria seemed a little bit meek, but I guess that's the way you planned it.
I want to touch on the little school girl squabble at the beginning. I really like this as it was another very human touch. It was very realistic, and the explanation of the Wizard of Oz was very slick. However, I think that Erica's interruption was actually my favourite part of this chapter!
Finally, I'm a tiny bit unsure of why Bea has a different surname to her dad, but I assume that the one she has is her mum's? However, it's not that crucial and doesn't detract from the story at all.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am so glad that you're willing to stick with this story! :) Bea is so fun to write, as is Oliver! Romilda called Oliver awful because she is a bit prejudiced--she's also one of the most popular girls in her year, and I like to think of Oliver as being overshadowed by Matthias. Like most Gryffindors, Romilda doesn't know any Slytherins that well and therefore chooses not to like them based on stereotypes. Writing the beginning of this chapter has been my favorite part of this story so far! I wasn't exactly sure how to incorporate the Wizard of Oz thing, seeing as it is an American film, but I guess I pulled it off! :D And for your final question, Bea's parents are divorced (see ch.1) and she lives with her mother. Thank you so much for your lovely reviews, they really motivate me! :)
Well that was an interesting turn of events. I am going to have to reject your offers and review anyway. I only spotted one mistake in here: She's HIS girlfriend.
I thought that the Investigational Assistants sounded like a really bad joke out of a really bad crime novel but that's the way I suppose you wanted it to sound, from what Oliver thought of it. Matthias seems to be turning into his father's son though...I wonder if this means that there's an opening for Oliver with Astoria....
I like Amos Gamp. I think he's really nice and I hope to see more of him in later chapters. But Hogwarts isn't really Hogwarts without rebellious Gryffindors, so I thought that that was very well executed too.
Anyway, I am looking forward to the next chapter, despite the brevity of this review.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter. The Investigational Assistants was selected from a list of stupid names that I came up with (being deemed the worst) and I am glad that it came across as such. I mean, these are the Carrows we're talking about! As for Matthias, he's not the best when it comes to morality. Matthias is based up on the stereotypical Slytherin image, whereas Oliver and Astoria and Amos (I like Amos a lot, and he's going to be playing a major role) are the better side of the Serpent's House. As for Oliver and Astoria...well, that's for later. Thanks so much for your reviews! ~Julie
That was realistic, and the character delvelopment so far is very good. I look forward to reading more.
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to write your review! I am really glad that you liked it. I was a little bit nervous about posting this, but the urge to write this story just won't leave me alone. I am currently working on Chapter Two, but I find that I have less and less time every day for recreational writing. Thank you for your comment on Beatrice's character developement. I was a little bit unsure of this as I have a tendency to write with too much Mary-Sueshness at times. I am really glad that you liked the story and will be posting Chapter Two soon. :) ~PeppermintToads
Another brilliant chapter. Astoria seems quite the observer and I think you write her very well. As for Oliver being nice, well, what can I say except that it's exactly what I hoped.
But "Ever the Slytherin." That just made me giggle. I thought it was very accurate and it made Astoria seem well placed in her house, despite her slight outcast status.
I really liked your scene of Bea's 'friends' being mean to her. I could see a slightly more canon Romilda. Besides, I'm not much of a Gryffindor fan...
The resistance to the Carrows and also the Investigational Assistants as the reason for DA is a brilliant idea.
Author's Response: Astoria is one of my favorite OCs in the Potterverse, and I am glad that you like her in this story! Oliver is quickly becoming my favorite charater (sorry, Bea!) and I am glad that you like him as well. I considered taking out the "Ever the Slytherin" line, but I am glad that I didn't. I am glad that the Romilda vs Bea scene didn't come off cliche. Thanks so much for your reviews! ~Julie
Awww, thanks! It's no trouble, and I want to read the rest of this story!
Oliver Flynn is not completely the stereotyped Slytherin then. The hat Sorted him there for his qualities rather than his opinions then. He is best friends with another Death Eaters son, and yet is different and won't join in with discussions. He doesn't like Alecto carrow or Severus Snape and the feeling is mutual. He values friendship and comradeship over love, despite agreeing with the girl and disagreeing with the friend. I think I like him and I think he is interesting. Can't wait to hear more about him!
I also really liked that he fell asleep to the normalness of the waves of the Black Lake, because it is difficult to sleep in discomfort, and the blocking out of the changes to the world seem to make him more comfortable. This makes sense, as humans in general usually don't like change much. He could also know that the Death Eaters are not a 'nice' organisation - he doesn't get along with Snape or Alecto. The normalness of the common room was nice too, as he didn't seem to feel pressured to stay or discuss things with the others. If he was uncomfortable there, then he would probably have stayed.
Sorry for rambling. Just a few more little things. I loved the 'No more Frog Choir': it made me chuckle a little. I thought that the quick Sorting was a very good point which I never really considered. Finally, I thought that the password was very creative and a nice touch. And the Matthias Astoria Oliver triangle seems interesting, although I suspect that it is not particularly vital to the story, although there I may be wrong...
Author's Response: I am so glad that you displayed so much insight! Writing Bea may have been easy, but writing Oliver was quite difficult. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it. He is an interesting character and, as you can tell, is in Slytherin for a reason. I'm thinking that, seeing as Voldemort had already been defeated by the time that Oliver and Matthias were born, their fathers probably spent a lot of time discussing things with each other and this caused the two boys to spend a lot of time together as little kids. As you can tell, Oliver seems to somewhat look up to Matthias. Even if he sometimes doesn't agree with him, he never shows it and wasn't willing to talk to Matthias about their mutual feelings towards Astoria. As for Snape and Alecto...as mentioned towards the beginning of the chapter, Oliver has supposedly been flunking Potions for a few years by this time. Alecto, in my opinion, probably hates all children. But this might just be all in my head. I am really glad that you enjoyed the rule about Frog Choir! And as for the password, it means 'The Silver Serpent' in Latin. I believe that I'm the one rambling at this point (not that you were--I really enjoy your reviews!), so I shall shut my mouth now and not give away the entire story.
I read this chapter a while ago, actually, and have been meaning to review it since, but a big thing called SPEW got in the way, although it is hopefully making my reviews better. I’m sorry that this one’s not very good. :p
I quite like Dan. He has a strong moral fibre, and like Beatrice, seems to be the odd one out in his group. I feel like it was almost mean of Beatrice to sit away from him, although I do understand why she would do it.
You’ve shown again in this chapter that Beatrice is not a perfect character. She is foolish and self-conscious, and she still cares a lot about the friends she’s lost. She is certainly a raw human being, and I’m glad that she hasn’t turned Mary-Sue. :)
I kind of laughed when Beatrice found Luna a little bit frightening, although it sort of highlighted that people avoided her because she was eccentric. I think that you characterise all the main DA members very well. I thought it was a nice touch that Neville gave everyone the warning that Hermione didn’t, because it implied a sense of trust which was certainly clear when we saw the DA in Deathly Hallows.
I think that your last line was excellent, because it really echoed the first line about being excluded by her friends. It was also a very emotive line to end on, leaving an impact and making the reader feel sorry for Beatrice.
I have a couple of little nit-picks though. I’m pretty sure Marietta Edgecombe’s name was spelt with an ‘e’ on the end. Also, if Lavender’s relationship had been extremely public why would Beatrice not know that it was with Ron?
All in all, though, another great chapter. I’m really enjoying watching this story develop. Can’t wait to read more!
Author's Response: Thanks for your wonderful review! Sorry it took a while to respond. I am glad character development is staying good, I am co stantly terrified of crossing the line between "OC" and "Mary Sue." Sorry about the errors, it's been a while since I gave Marietta much thought :P Chapter 9 is finished, I'm just having some errors submitting it. It will be up and running by October! :P
Ouch! Romilda's turned very nasty! Turning a fight into a spectacle was a good idea, as it makes us sympathise with Beatrice. Slughorn's interruption was a bit of an anti-climax, but I'm not sure a full blown duel would've been allowed in the corridors anyway. I really like that you show Gryffindors as prejudiced and nasty as well, and I definitely thought that minions was a very fitting word.
Oliver's inner conflict in this chapter is apparent and it's plain to see that he has a conscience. His discomfort at the end was a good lead up to his self-realisation at the end, and you get us to pity him with your last sentence, which really packs a lot behind it. His hope that perhaps he can finally be with Astoria is really cute, and his being a bit less torn between her and Matthias is realistic and well developed.
Another brill chapter, and really looking forward to the next one!
Author's Response: Even though I'm a Gryffindor, I do recognize that many of them can be worse than Draco Malfoy (cough, McLaggen, cough), just like any other House. Oliver is definitely the most fun to write, even if he's a bit more challenging. As for Astoria and Oliver...Oliver likes her a lot (as you can tell) but there is still Matthias to consider... Chapter Seven is currently in progress and should be up soon! :)
Well done on a lovely story, but it wasn't quite my cup of tea. It was well written, but the anagram was too Tom Riddle (or perhaps it's just a Slytherin thing), and I truly thought that Filch was far too in love with Mrs Norris to love anyone else. But that stuff is personal. I did enjoy the story, as it was not what I'd expected and that is always nice. I also liked the kiss and her concern for her son, but in canon, Snape never really went to see Pince, and he must've known...sorry, that was me drifting a bit. Don't get me wrong, it was a giid story.
Author's Response: What is it with Slytherins and the anagrams? It must be the intrigue and mystery of the whole thing. I appreciate the review, and I'm glad you at least kind of liked it. ;)
God that was haunting! At first I didn't realise it was Wormtail, but I guess I should've known when there were 3 of them talking about James. The fine line between obsession and love is well written, as is the rest of it really. The characterisation is really good too.
Author's Response: Thank you!
Oh the irony of dogwood! Haha...I can only guess what Ollivander was going to say...
The dialogue between Astoria and Iris was brief, and despite me wanting a little bit more of that, it was good. The owl was a cute touch.
I'm really warming to Astoria. She doesn't like her Slytherin sister, which is 'good'. It makes me wonder if the Greengrasses are actually the snobby pure-bloods they are often portrayed as.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you! I have finals this week, so it might be a little while. And just wait until you meet Daphne...
I really like this. It's a really good prologue for wha's to come (from what I can tell from the character thread) and it gives Iris a good backstory. Remus' characterisation seems good, and Anne seems quite vivacious - I hope it's a family trait! However, I do have a few nitpicks. Firstly, growing up in a wizarding family, I don't think Anne would've read Winnie the Pooh. However, she may have read Beedle or Beatrix Bloxam (although I don't think she would've enjoyed Bloxams sickly sweet 'Toadstool Tales') (see a copy of Beedle to Bard for more info.). Secondly, I think that in the second paragraph, 'the 'fire spit out' should be 'the fire spat out' but that's just me being very very nitpicky.However, as i can't find anything else to nit-pick, i will be complimentary! :)
The naming thing is good, if slightly unoriginal, but the cottage setting is lovely. Anne's death, although a bit sad, is well written and of likely causes. you can really tell that Remus loved Anne even though Iris is Sirius' child.
This is really nice and I can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thank you soooo much for reviewing! I've always had a thing for Pooh Bear and you'll understand a bit about the Potters after I finish writing a Marauder fic. I'm glad you liked it and the wait won't be too long.
Horribly beautiful. I could feel the raw emotion and felt that the scene of destruction gave Sirius' vengeful motives much more power. The characterisation was good, and the whole thing was very realistic. Rounded off with good use of second person, this was haunting.
Author's Response: Oh thank you so much for that lovely review :)
Nice! I think so many Hogwarts couples would've been through this, and so no matter who people thought of, it wouldn't matter.
Good use of the sonnet. I'm jealous, as I've been trying to write one for ages...
Author's Response: Yes, it could fit a lot of couples, couldn't it? Thank you for reading and for the review! I quite enjoy writing sonnets, when the fancy strikes. Good luck with yours and thanks again for the lovely review! ~Gina :)