Penname: BrokenPromise [Contact]
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Member Since: 02/17/12
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Status: Member
Bio:
My Penname is BrokenPromise because that is how I found this Harry Potter.
When I was younger, I saw a trailer for a Harry Potter movie, and it scared me. That day I decided that I would never have anything to do with Harry Potter.
Just before DH1 came out in cinemas, a friend told me that Dumbledore died. I knew a little bit of Potter background and I quite liked Professor Dumbledore, so I asked her who had done it. She showed me the first book and said, "Read it." I read them all within two weeks, and then watched DH1 in the cinema.
Having read all the books and seen all the movies, I started writing a Fanfiction, and then looked for inspiration online. What I found was this archive and all the wonders within. Like many others, I have enjoyed the work on this site. I started writing because I thought I ought to give something back.

I now have some work up! I am working on some more but am having a little bit of a writer's block on a couple of them. I also have some poetry from the beta boards too, which I will eventually post here.

By the way, I would like to thank you if you are reading this and hope that you have enjoyed/ will enjoy my work.

One-shots:
Agony Aunts
Early November Morning
Forget Me Not
Fragments
Hindsight

Chaptered fics:
How to be Beautiful (In progress)
Red Hair and Yellow Ribbons (In progress)

Poetry:
A Dursley Lament
I saw
If He Had Known
The Final Duel
The Storm
The View From By Your Side
Wheelbarrow
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Reviews by BrokenPromise
 

Shrouds by Equinox Chick
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 79]

Summary: Not all Voldemort’s victims were on the side of right.

Over a year has passed since the Battle of Hogwarts. Families grieve, but their dead are remembered with honour.

For Draco Malfoy it has been a year of nothing. Merely existing, he is bound tightly to his past as if enveloped in a shroud, unwilling to accept help. It takes a chance encounter on a cobbled street to jerk him into the realisation that he cannot go on like this. A chance encounter with the one person who has most cause to hate him.

But shrouds, however tightly bound, unravel.

A huge thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) who put her laminated canon card in jeopardy by beta'ing this fic and being very supportive all the way through.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. Her lawyers agree, so please don't mistake us. I just like taking the odd liberty (ahem) with her characters (and pairings)

Nominated for two QSQ's in Best Non-Canon Romance and also Best Post Hogwarts story for 2011. Thank you.



Categories: Hermione/Draco Genre: Warnings: Mental Disorders, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 41216 Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/18/10 Updated: 10/30/10


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/18/12 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6 - My Talisman

Well that was interesting? (Why can I never think of the right words?) There was a lot of stuff that brought them together, so I think the whole thing clicked. As you probably know, I semi-ship (if that's even possible) Dramione and this was yet another view on it, and one that I really liked.
My favourite bit has to be the rhyme: I was thinking about it all day! I like the ending too, and can't help wondering what would've happened if Ron had gotten hold of that letter...I smell trouble!
But great story, as usual.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

I had a lot of fun with the rhyme - heh heh. Blaise is such a bad boy. I'm glad you liked this because it is a divisive story as they don;t end up happy even after, but I'm a canon person at heart so couldn;t see how this could work. Oh, and if Ron had found the letter then I really don't think there'd be a Rose and Hugo in the epilogue ... Draco Malfoy would very probably be his dealbreaker - *sigh* even though they had split up.

Thanks again~Carole~

 

Murder for Love by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Five haikus for the Bloody Baron.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 138 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/02/10 Updated: 10/11/10


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/03/12 Title: Chapter 1: Murder for Love

Just... wow. I don't think I need to say anymore.

Author's Response: :) I am terrible at structured poetry. This review made me grin!

 

A Canticle for Bellatrix by L A Moody
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary:

A Dark Comedy in Three Acts

After being hit squarely in the chest by Molly Weasley at the end of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Bellatrix Lestrange wakes up lost and bewildered. A victim of the little-understood Bebitched Curse, she is transported through space and time to the ultimate gated community in a sunny climate. The people around her seem to possess an uncanny knowledge of the world she left behind, but none of them can work magic. Worst of all, she herself seems to be turning into a Squib. As she struggles to find her place among the very people she most despises, Bella slowly realizes that a land which reveres the magical world learns to work it own brand of magic.

Come join Bella in her voyage of self-discovery and social commentary. The Muggle world may never be the same.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Mental Disorders, Mild Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 12719 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/05/10 Updated: 10/27/10


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/10/12 Title: Chapter 1: Act I: A Fish Out of Water

Really good idea! That was quite funny.

I was just a bit confused that Bella transfigured her shoes but then coldn't do any magic?

Author's Response: I envisioned that the last spell that Bellatrix was planning to throw at Molly would still be lodged in her wand, allowing her to reshape the magic into something else. Bella didn’t strike me as the type that would be able to reason that out, however, so I couldn’t figure out how to include that bit of explanation in the narrative. Couldn’t resist the irony that she might have done something considerably grander if she’d known it was going to be her last spell, though. Life is such a…witch!

Glad you thought it was funny. I actually envisioned that Bella’s piece might encourage people to visit the theme park. But so far, no tickets have arrived in my mailbox – or by owl…

 

Draco's Journey by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: A set of haikus about Draco's life once he became a Death Eater.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 124 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/11/10 Updated: 10/11/10


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/13/12 Title: Chapter 1: Draco's Journey

Oooo...Dark stuff! Very nicely written and probably not just fitting for Draco.
Next up on the to read list: Shrouds.

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I think this is my favourite poem of mine on the archives so I'm pleased you liked it.I was certainly on a Draco redemption kick when I wrote it. Hope you enjoy Shrouds. I think it divides people, somewhat, but I was pleased with my story and plotting. ~Carole~

 

Love by Lost_Robin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: A poem about the one thing Voldemort was missing.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 111 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/22/11 Updated: 01/23/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/24/12 Title: Chapter 1: Love

I thought that this poem was not particulary brilliant or anything, but not bad, especially for a first time. I loved some of the imagery, especially the wasp, but was not quite sure about the freight train, and I definitely thought that 'dear' Bellatrix was a tiny bit OOC for the Dark Lord. It was, however, a good effort, as poetry can be very tricky at times!

Author's Response: The 'dear' Bellatrix was supposed to be the Dark Lord's attempt at sarcasm, but he has no sense of humor. Thank you for reviewing! -Lost_Robin

 

Close Your Eyes by Equinox Chick
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 15]

Summary: Hermione and Lavender weren't particular friends. It was true they shared a dormitory, but for much of their school time they lived parallel and separate lives. Then Lavender helped Hermione get ready for the Yule Ball and that set off a chain of events that left both girls confused.

This story was inspired by a suggestion from Gina (Gmariam) and a drabble written for Natalie (hestiajones). This story is in no way 'caron -compliant' with Lavender, blue - a Gryffindor true.

Thank you Natalie for beta'ing this story.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, her lawyers agree, so don't confuse us. Lawyers for Miss Brown and Miss Granger were unavailable for comment.

Categories: Femmeslash Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 6598 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/27/11 Updated: 01/27/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 02/25/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I don’t wish to be repetitive of other reviews, so I’ll keep it short (as usual, it seems).
I really liked this story, and I think your writing is fantastic. I think I will have to start stalking your stories like OtterMoone. (Correction: I already have.)
I don’t really know how to describe it: intriguing perhaps? The characterization was very good, but this is one ship I will probably never look towards. I know it’s not your normal Lavender ship too though, so a brave venture. Kudos to you.
Finally got the word: exquisite...I think.

Author's Response: Thank you!! Um, yeah, it's not my usual ship - at all - but it was written for the challenge of writing something I wouldn't normally consider (I wrote Truth or Dare for the same reason - ha!). I needed a hook, obviously, and the hook was Ron because that's what they have in common, so what if Lavender was mushy over Ron to wind up Hermione?

You probably know I adore Lavender and spend a large part of my fanfic life defending her, so this was along those lines :D - Thank you for all your reviews today ~Carole~

 

Summary: Humiliated in front of the entire school by the purple-faced Pomona Sprout, Gilderoy Lockhart plots a grand revenge. His weapon of choice - a goblet full to the brim with steaming cocoa.

But has he underestimated the redoubtable Head of Hufflepuff House?

This is Gmariam of Ravenclaw and Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff writing for the 2011 Aprils Fools' Day Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt 2 - Don't You Dare Prank Me!.

Disclaimer: We are not JK Rowling. If we had been, then there'd be far more stories about the Marauders in print.

This story is dedicated to our flist - especially the lovely Natalie (hestiajones). Enjoy!

Thanks for the on-the-hoof beta job, hestiajones.

Giddling madly, our story has been nominated for a 2011 QSQ for 'Best Darn Story Ever On The Archives' - okay, I mean Best HumoUr.



Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 5535 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/14/11 Updated: 04/14/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 04/12/12 Title: Chapter 1: My Kingdom for a Broomstick

Hehehe *just sits laughing evily*
I'm so glad I read this after Gina's recommendation! But apart from that, I don't really know what to say!

Author's Response: This was a lot of fun to write, I have to say that. I think I giggled more over this when planning and writing than in anything else I've written, and I think Gina feels the same way. (She would reply, but unfortunately I have banned her from my thread - no, she can't reply as I'm first named author - I am so evil, that way). Anyway, this was a lot of fun. Gina did the intelligent bits with the plot and the herbolgy ingredients, I did Lockhart - heheheheheheh.

Thank youuu ~Carole~

 

All in the Genes by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 19]

Summary: When Lily Potter is humiliated by her brother, she sees her chances of a date with the lush Greg Cadwallader disintegrate. But rather than hide away in the kitchens, she decides this time that James has gone too far. She wants revenge, but how does she get the punishment to fit the crime?

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling or have any drop of Weasley pranking blood in me.

This story is for Olivia (Apollonius) who likes a certain ship as much as I do, and has written the odd prank in her time. Happy Birthday!



Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 1372 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/08/11 Updated: 05/08/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 02/25/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Really enjoyable. (actually the first word I thought of was highly enjoyable, but I thought that that would be too much of a pun on your other Scorpius/Lily story, which I think I will now have to read!)
Loved the prank!

Author's Response: OOOH, I hope you do read High. I loved writing that story so much - hee hee. thank you for reading this and reviewing. It is much appreciated. ~Carole~

 

The Last by Gmariam
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: In a world destroyed by bitter hatred, where magic is gone and her family dead and buried, a young woman makes her way to the Department of Mysteries, where she finds the one thing she was least expecting.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3228 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/15/11 Updated: 05/15/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/27/12 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

Wow that was bleak, but I was warned! I loved the hope at the end; the whole concept made me think of the legend of pandora's box. The ending was lovely, but if they returned to the world of the living then surely they would die? Or maybe the Great Plague and the Great Persecution are over and they can live happily (or not so happily if that is preferable) ever after?

Author's Response: I am trying to remember where this came from when I wrote it, but I can't. I think it was just the idea of the last witch staring at the Veil that started it. And since she met the last wizard there, no, I do not think they will die. They will restart wizarding society. Hence the bit of hope at the end. Yes, it was bleak - I don't really plan on ever writing more! - but I'm glad you read it and enjoyed it. Thank you so much for the review!! ~Gina :)

 

Last Moments (Ends With You) by Eleanor Lupin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: A lament for two lovers who died side by side in the most horrific war in wizarding history.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 113 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/29/11 Updated: 05/31/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 07/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Last Moments (Ends With You)

This was a nice poem, especially for a first try.

To state the obvious, this poem repeats. The repetition of the 'You and I' stanza at the end was powerful, but I don't think that the one before it was necessary. On that note, I think the poem would've been more powerful if you'd put the first stanza after the second, because then the poem would've opened and closed on the same stanza.

The stanza in question, is, on its own, very nice, although a tiny bit cliche. I did like your spacing though, especially of the last line, as it really emphasises that Tonks' life is all about being with Remus.

The first stanza was simple, and I quite liked it. However, I felt like it should've perhaps been an echo of the third stanza rather than the other way (or at least that's how it felt to me). If you perhaps moved it between the fourth and fifth stanzas, I think it would work better.

The third stanza was the best one in terms of imagery. It really described the actual atmosphere of the battle, and the last line was especially good in that it showed their feeling of hopelessness, despite the fact that they are fighting and they are actually doing something.

I wasn't so keen on the fourth stanza, to be honest. The first half was good, but the 'I didn't think it'd happen' line just felt a little bit out of place in the whole poem. The 'here and now' lines though, despite the preceding line feeling a little out of place, did emphasise the imminence of death, and how Tonks has actually realised what she's doing and what's about to happen to her.

I liked the fifth stanza much better. I think that you could've omitted the 'she' at the beginning of the third line and added a ‘with’ in the middle of the first line, which would let the entire stanza flow as a single sentence. Also, you may want to change retched to wretched, as to retched means to regurgitate your last meal...

If you sort of rearranged the poem, I think that it would flow a little better. I think it could also use some punctuation, although it works alright without. For example, if you were to put a colon after mine in the sixth stanza, it would put an emphasis on Tonks' realisation that these were actually their last moments. Punctuation would just make the poem more potent.

All in all though, this poem does convey the poignancy of Tonks and Lupin's last deaths. As I said, it’s good for a first try. I hope to read more of your poetry, as it does have great potential.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your lovely comments - I am in awe of every poem I've read of yours, so it's lovely to get comments from you! I wrote this quite a while ago, so I agree with most of your comments - I can't believe I didn't notice retched/wretched ... I laughed out loud at that, actually. :) Anyway, thanks again! :)

 

Hope for Merope by Miss B
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: A poem about the tragic life of Merope Gaunt.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 209 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/08/11 Updated: 06/11/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 07/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: Hope for Merope

The premise of this poem is good, and your characterisation of Merope is great too. Her story is one not often told, so this was nice to read.

Your rhymes in this poem work well, and the repetition of hope throughout the poem showed a strong central theme. You clearly show that this hope and lack of it are central to Merope’s story. It was a sad poem, although I felt that more emotion could've been conveyed if you had used a few more emotive adjectives.

However, I think that some of the stanzas are rather awkward to read out loud, due to the syllables on the lines. This does get better throughout the poem, but at the beginning particularly it is a problem. This is not actually a big problem, and is easily fixed. Take the second stanza, for example. The line lengths are very different, and the syllable count for each line goes 4, 8, 6, 11. This is quite a mouthful to read, but if you were to even out the lines a bit to make the number of syllables on each line more equal, it would read a bit more easily. For example:

Working all day, she was

never given a chance

She wanted to be free; instead

she lived in a meaningless trance


This poem would also benefit from some punctuation. The entire poem has none, and this makes it difficult to distinguish between ideas. You do a good job of this with your stanza separation, but if you were to punctuate the poem it would be much easier for the reader. The easiest way to sort out your punctuation is to read the poem as if it were normal prose and punctuate it the way you would prose. Also, you don’t need to capitalise each line (I have been told).

Overall though, I think that this is a good poem. It is built on an interesting premise and it does work. It just has some room for improvement, but the potential for a very good poem is there. :)

 

Like a Storm (Flower) by Eleanor Lupin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: A poem about Ginny Weasley after the Battle of Hogwarts.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 240 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/08/11 Updated: 06/11/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 07/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This poem, like your other one, was good, and does have potential.

The opening stanza was lovely. The list of powerful emotions clearly showed Ginny’s character and actual feelings. The second stanza was also good, although I don’t think that ‘just for fun’ was necessary. I felt that it sort of diverted the poem from its sombre mood and theme of death and revenge. However, ‘Gone forever’ is definitely more powerful on two lines than one.

The repetition in the third stanza was effective. Normally, I would find repeating something three times unnecessary and irritating, but in this case I felt like it was an echo in the now empty halls of Hogwarts.

The fourth and fifth stanzas truly reflected Ginny’s spirit “ first her grief and then her desire for revenge. You show a depth to Ginny which is pleasing to read. Her Weasley traits of determination and inner fight really shine through in the fifth stanza.

The sixth stanza also contained some good imagery “ the suffocating guilt “ however, I feel that it would benefit from some punctuation. The final two lines would’ve been more powerful if there had been a question mark at the end of the first of the two lines. This would give the effect of Ginny actually questioning whether she’d done enough, which we know she had, but it just shows how corrosive guilt can be.

I really loved the seventh, eighth and ninth stanzas, because you showed a ‘Turn the other cheek’ kind of attitude. Your use of repetition to do this was very poetic.

The tenth stanza’s inner repetition was lovely. However, I think that changing ‘the loss’ to ‘the lost’ would be better, because then she’s crying for the people rather than everything. Although I do understand why she’d grieve for everything, it does make more sense to have a focus.

The final stanza, I felt, was definitely the best stanza: it is beautifully descriptive and the imagery truly represents hope. The extended metaphor is effective “ I genuinely felt hope bloom inside me for her, and I really connected to Ginny, despite not actually liking the character much.

As with your other poem, your use of repetition is effective, although I feel like you are overusing it a tiny bit sometimes. You show a connection to the character, and the imagery that you use is potent, but I would also like to see more of it. What isn’t powerful about “ripped my heart to shreds”?

I also think that your poetry would really benefit from some punctuation. To put punctuation into poetry, I tend to read it like prose and punctuate it as necessary. However, I understand if you prefer not to use it. Your poems do work well without it “ I just feel like you could convey more emotion in them with a few well-placed full-stops.

Overall though, I did like your poem, and I thank you for giving me an insight into a part of Ginny which I now feel sympathy for.

 

Man in the Mask by MJ_Padfoot
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 16]

Summary: Each of us wears a mask. It is invisible to many and visible to some. But what happens to us when we take off the mask? What happens when we’re given a third chance at life to make things right?

Severus Snape has been given this exact opportunity. Since his death, Snape finds himself somewhere stuck between the veil and the Wizarding world. As Snape finds himself moping around his old flat, he has unexpected visitors that change the rest of his existence. Can the trio help Severus? And will he, the man in the mask, revel more of his past?

Categories: Severus/Lily Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 6289 Chapters: 3 Completed: No
Published:
06/19/11 Updated: 10/12/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/06/12 Title: Chapter 3: Lily's Request

Wow...I'm hooked too! Please update soon!!!

Author's Response: I'll be updating really soon. I'm nearly done with the next chapter. Thank you for the review! ~MJ

 

In Winter in My Head by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: One of Severus Snape's many nightmares.

Written for the Copycat Challenge, imitating Emily Dickenson's In Winter in My Room.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 243 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/02/11 Updated: 07/02/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 07/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Well that was…interesting. Then again, the original poem was good, albeit strange. Your representation of Snape is good, and it sticks to canon very well. I did feel that some of this poem was a bit too literal in following the original, but as a Copycat challenge, I suppose that was the point.

The imagery in this poem was very raw and it shows Snape in all his ‘glory’. By that I mean it shows that he truly does love Lily. I especially liked the line

I think that you definitely accommodated the required words well. Don’t get me wrong, the poem is very good, despite its quirks, but I just found it a bit odd. I apologise that this review cannot really do it justice.

 

1942: A Rhapsody in Riddle by eldritcher
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Abraxas Malfoy tries to teach the upstart Half-blood, Tom Riddle, a lesson. Only, the plan backfires and now Abraxas is obsessed with Riddle.

Categories: Same-Sex Pairings Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Slash, Violence

Word count: 9979 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/31/11 Updated: 08/03/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 08/11/12 Title: Chapter 1: 1942: A Rhapsody in Riddle

I’m a bit of a sucker for stories about Tom at school, and I thought that this was brilliant. What really stood out to me the most was your superb characterisation.

I thought that your characterisation of Abraxas was very good. He was easily recognizable as a Malfoy: his snobbery, a family characteristic, was clearly and realistically shown in his disdain of everything, and yet he also had that sense of regret which we see in Draco in Deathly Hallows. I could see a dramatic change in character when he attacked Tom as well, as in class he appeared to be in every sense a model student. However, I felt Abraxas’ pureblood background and pride justified this enough to make it plausible. I found the way he observed people's characters and therefore knew what Tom was like is interesting.

I liked how your Tom was as snarky and secretive as Rowling’s, with a creepy sort of omniscience (his observations) but also a charm that makes you feel immensely sorry for him. I thought that using his unpleasant past and his outcast status to play on the reader’s empathy also worked really well. His command to Abraxas about not touching him below the waist clearly demonstrated, in my opinion, that he was the private teenager Rowling wrote him as.

Slughorn was very well characterised too. The way Abraxas saw him as a doddery old man was true to both characters. I especially liked how you used physical descriptions of Slughorn to develop his characterization. When he called the newly formed Death Eaters his ‘darling boys’, it really reiterated how unaware and easily swayed he is. He didn't console the girls very well: he achieves some awkward measure. I found this very in character because he is often portrayed as a bit of a fool and someone rather socially inept. It also showed that people perceive him as someone who you can’t really completely listen to and trust. As Abraxas says, Slughorn does not have the wit of Albus Dumbledore.

I really felt that Dumbledore was also characterised brilliantly, both in the ‘biweekly Dumbledore and Riddle show’, as you called it, and in his concern for his students. Dumbledore’s recognition of the relationship was touching, and you stayed true to the Dumbledore we know: the man who offers advice and gives help to those who ask for it. Also, we already knew that Dumbledore and Riddle did not get along, but I had never really thought about it that much. I think that you got both Riddle and Dumbledore spot on in their ‘bi-weekly show’ as Riddle would never be upfront about something and start a fight, but Dumbledore would stand his ground and not let him get away with anything. Your result of this is perfect. I think you did a really good job on picking up Dumbledore’s little behaviours from the books and subtly inserting them into your fic. You can tell that he is a Gryffindor, as he stands his ground against Riddle.

The Gryffindors were good forerunners of those Trio Era characters that we know so well. The use of lesser known knowledge of the Black family tree and genuine canon characters certainly backed up your characterisation, as you were able to use known family characteristics. Charlus Potter was the oogler we see in James, and Septimus is certainly a Weasley: reasonable at work, but a bit of a joker too. I did find it a little bit too similar to James and Lily when Dorea Black turned down Charlus Potter for the ball when she canonically ends up marrying him, but perhaps the Potters all start off as annoying prats and turn into charmers?

The plot itself was a very interesting take on the formation of the early Death Eaters. The underhand simplicity of it was very in character for a Slytherin group, as well as the surrounding legend. I almost laughed when Abraxas said his thing about orgies and virgin sacrifices. The natural progression to the creation of the Dark Mark was well incorporated too.

In its own way, the sub-plot of this story was a sort of zero to hero story, in which Tom Riddle goes from being a Half-blood upstart to being a celebrated Slytherin. The actual act of saving his fellow Slytherins accentuated the hero part of this. This was a little bit cliché in the basic ‘zero to hero’ terms, but the fact that the plot was not focused specifically on that made it less of an issue.

I commend you on your excellent storytelling. Abraxas and Tom’s relationship is well executed, and all in all, the fic is very good.

-BP

 

High by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 233]

Summary: Past Featured StoryScorpius Malfoy is the Seeker for Slytherin. Not only that, he's the best Seeker at Hogwarts, and it's his catches that win matches. But this year things are different; Albus Potter has switched to Chaser and the new Gryffindor Seeker is his annoying little sister.

This is the story of how one match and one missed catch can change your life.

This story was accidentally deleted, so is being resubmitted ... very very quickly.

SQUEEEEE! High won the Best Next Generation QSQ award. Thank you so much for the everyone who has helped, either by beta'ing or encouraging me.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I'm not sure who I am at the moment, but there must be some Arthur Weasley blood in me.

Thank you Natalie (hestiajones) for doing the vast majority of the beta work on this, and Apurva for work on the early chapters

Squish for Natalie, Jess, Kara and Bob for helping me sort this out.

Due to an archive hissy fit regarding any story with a rating about 3rd-5th, I have temporarily lowered the rating on this story. However, I have NOT changed the content. This story is still a 6th-7th. You click at your own risk.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 135569 Chapters: 22 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/04/11 Updated: 01/14/12


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/01/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 -Flying High

So I have read High now (as well as the 8 pages of reviews) and took notes the whole time for this review. It was addictive. I think I can safely say that I stayed up far too late reading it 3 nights running, but it was totally worth it. I think that Scily is going to have to be my number 1 Next Gen pairing, although I didn’t really have one before. Your characterisation was completely on form, as usual.
I think that I am going to start with the Malfoys. I really loved your characterisation of Astoria and Draco. (I thought I saw some Dramione allusions in there, but that’s probably my crazy mind back in action. I sort of ship Dramione, but not as lasting romance, and this has made me understand why.) I really loved Astoria in this. No matter what everyone else said, I think I understand that when she helped Draco and Narcissa because although she loves her son, she loves Draco and has a sense of duty, and she also thinks that it’s the right thing for Scorpius, although I am sorry for him. I read somewhere that the Malfoys were some of the only Death Eaters capable of love and I’m glad that Draco loves his whole family a lot, and not just because of duty. I really liked the Malfoy pureblood obsession in this story too. I commented briefly on the Malfoy upbringing in my one-shot Hindsight (which has been validated - second time lucky!) which I would be honoured if you to read, although I think it's very different from your perspective of Draco. Your Narcissa, however, is ghastly! But I still like her character…
The other characters were very good too. I felt that out of everyone in the story, I liked (and connected to) Genister Avery the most. Andromeda was well done too: I wish she had been in the books a bit more. Probably under the influence of too much Potter Puppet Pals, I have started to really believe that Harry Potter was a bit of a prat, but I don’t think I will anymore. He has grown up very well into a loving father and fair Head of the Auror Department. However, I really liked that his sons were annoying, especially James, who is just like his namesake. Beating the ‘old gits’ at Quidditch was genius too “ I can totally imagine Harry and Ron being really big-headed about it. A little nit-pick here: I felt that Lavender shouting “ZABINI!” at the end of chapter 12 sounded a little bit impersonal for a husband and wife (as opposed to Blaise). At least I think that Lavender was shouting… But I really understand why you ship them now: the way you write them makes them a really good couple.
And finally, the lovely couple themselves. I liked the Scorpio Scorpius idea (canon or not?), and that at the beginning he was quite spoilt. The Firebolt X made me think of the Pokemon X cards that were more powerful of something…weird. The Lily the Apple-Queen had me ringing Drapple repeat alarm bells in my head, but it was a really nice touch, especially with Truckle’s apple pastries! The Luna/Hyperion was good, but contrary to Ariana (lucca4), I felt that it was an extreme opposite thing, and felt like their parents had named them like that on purpose (JKR probably did) and that they were breaking away from what people wanted, out of orbit I suppose. But then again, I managed to also come up with opposites attract and Sun and Moon from Miss Saigon. I really liked that this story was not gushy and fluffy and that the relationship was not readily accepted because it made the whole thing much more real. The fox Patronus was another really sweet touch.
Merlin, I have just realised how long this review is! 2 years: what a commitment. I am so glad you finished it though, as it is amazing, like all the rest of your stories. Just one final little (random and irrelevant to the story but pertaining to a review response) thing from me: teenage boys are prats, and yet girls still fall for them...*sigh* - in fact it always seems that the one you want turns out to be a complete arse...

Author's Response: OHHHH, thank youuuu for the long review.

I have seen your story, btw, and was reading it a few days ago. I am planning to review, btw, just been too caught up with the damnfool haleenges here (I love Draco fics).

Okies, the Lavender calling Blaise 'Zabini' is a bit of an indulgence of mine. She does it in a few other fics, and I see it as a bit of a running joke when she's angry - ha ha.

I love Potter Pals - heh heh. Harry does annoy me rather and I struggle with him (whereas I like writing Ron) but I quite like writing him as a dad with a teenage daughter - he wouldn;t know what to do.

Oh, Luna/Hyperion. Well, I wondered that with the names. I started writing this before I remembered, and I always knew Lily was Lily 'luna' but having those two names is just ... fate - hahhahhahah. Not that I really believe in fate, but it did strike me as odd. I should add here that I'm not a Scorpius/Rose fan because it seems too canon, so I grasp at anything that pairs these two up.

A number of people, including my beta, Natalie, who harangues me on a daily basis, have mentioned Genister Avery to me. I am planning another story about her ... or rather all the NG kids ... but I rather like her, too. Plus her dad is in another fic of mine (which I keep forgetting about - ooops)

Sorry, I can't be more coherent at the moment. Thank you very much for the in depth review - Carole~

 

Hey, brother by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: How desperate were the last days of Regulus Black's life? With a girlfriend in danger, and an increasing dread for his fate, he turns to the only one who can help him.

But will Sirius listen?

This poem/rap was written for the MC Kreacher challenge set by the wondrous Julia (the opaleye). I chose to base the form and feel of the rap on Stan by Eminem featuring Dido. It probably helps if you know the song, but basically there are three voices in this.

Disclaimer: JKR - nope, not me.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 530 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/27/11 Updated: 09/27/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 07/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: Hey, brother

Carole, you are incredible (but we already knew that). That was so sad. I don’t know what I can say about this poem. I’ll try my best to be comprehensible. *disconnects heart temporarily so she can write first part of review without emotion*

I’ve never actually heard the rap, but the structure was good: the chorus and the structure of each verse. The voices are clear: Regulus’ desperation and regret, Sirius at the end, just wanting to see his brother and making up for the past. The actual rapper rhyme scheme was pretty cool, and the whole poem reads easily (except that it’s very emotional).

*reconnects heart for emotional part of review and hopes to stay coherent*

The chorus is so beautiful. I have no idea whose voice it’s in, but it doesn’t even matter. It’s so sad, and it fits so well with Regulus’ story, and how he never comes back.

But the words! I mean, it was sad enough when you put “Hey, brother, I thought things between us could get better. / But you ignoring me, Sirius, makes me shiver.” I felt for Regulus so much. It must hurt a lot to have your sibling ignore you like that, and just when he was hoping too. You worded it so well. And then you did a JKR: you made Regulus say “I’ll pledge my soul to you forever.” Not only is it such a romantic gesture, and also one of total heart, I believe, but you made him say he’d do something. Whenever JKR wants to kill off a character, they always reference smoething they’ll do in the future. Fred did, Moody did. Now you’ve done it to Regulus. Are you sure you’re not JKR?

Sorry about that. Ummm… Sirius. You capture his voice as well as you do Regulus’. Which is very well. And the last line just left me speechless. “Let’s defy our fate.” It’s just so…Sirius. And they do. They both go against a cause which their family feeds. It’s such a powerful line, maybe the most powerful in the entire poem.

Oh wonderful author and barmaid, your talent and my awe seem to know no bounds. This poem is poignant and well characterised and just…how do you do it? I am so insanely jealous of your writing skills… *ends review still sniffing from poem*

Author's Response: What a lovely review - thank you! Well, this did cause me a bit of stress becasue i don;t like rap much, but I remembered this song (Stan by Eminem) had a wonderful chorus which was from a Dido song. So I decided to Potterfy that. The voice of the chorus is Marlene, then the main part is Regulus and Sirius at the end who's found the letters and is trying to find him.
,br> I never saw the connection with Fred and Moody and them promising to do things that they'll never carry out, but I can see it now. I do think one of Sirius' tragedies (amongst many) is that he never knew the extent of Regulus's bravery and sacrifice. *sigh*

Your review has got me thinking about them again ... hmmmmmm.

Thank you very much again. ~Carole~

 

Silence and Memory by minnabird
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: In the aftermath of the war, Percy finds that he cannot forgive himself.

This poem was written as a sort of companion/continuation to my fic The Long Way Back; this deals with the consequences of his actions during the war. However, you don't need to read the fic to understand the poem.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 197 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/30/11 Updated: 10/05/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 07/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: He remembers

Wow. That was so emotional, so powerful. It hit me like a brick wall, I was totally speechless. Ok, I will actually start to give you whatever sort of review you can give poetry this amazing now, and stop gawking at my screen.

The first line was less a knife and more a hammer, if you get me. I mean, it wasn’t sharp, it was more than that. It was sort of like a massive punch, and I think that it’s because of the way you used the punctuation, with the short phrase and then the next short phrase. Actually, the two seem connected, and I would’ve used different punctuation here, but I think that what you’ve done is so much better than what I would’ve done with it.

The separation of the ‘He remembers’ adds to the power, and it actually emphasises both the ‘Silence’ line and the ‘he remembers’ line. I personally see the separation as showing his separation from his family, as well, and the Silence is so un-Weasley. Their house is always going to be busy “ they have seven children, not to mention Fred, George and Ginny!

The imagery of lists, a tally, was very poignant. Lists are (to me at least) objectifying and boring and I don’t like them. The mundane nature of a list is so different to and unworthy of the vibrancy of life, especially the lives of the people he knows and remembers: his family, friends, people he loves.

Grrr…I hate Yaxley right now. He is evil, and the juxtaposition of gleeful Yaxley and the grinning shark draws such a brilliant comparison.

Silence, silence, silence. It’s so brilliant. He’s avoiding everyone. These people all think he’s still being a pompous prat, but he’s really been humbled. You’ve made me sympathise with Percy so much.

For want of something to critique, nitpick, or anything, I actually can’t find anything. This review is unworthy of your poem. You are just amazing Minna. This poem is so beautifully woven with hate and pain and silence, and it’s so powerful. I don’t know how you do it, really I don’t. Incredible.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. On lists: I quite like them (as does Percy, I imagine), but yes certainly the lists at the least distanced Percy from living life happily. He has a lot of red in his ledger, even if he didn't directly do anything. And I'm very glad I made you sympathize with Percy (and hate Yaxley. Grrr Yaxley); he's one of my favorites, and I like telling his story.

 

The Untrodden Path by Equinox Chick
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 16]

Summary: Past Featured StoryDraco Malfoy -avid Death Eater, proud and eager to be of use to the Dark Lord. Or desperate boy willing to do anything to save his family from dishonour and his father from death? Perhaps both.

What if there'd been another way? What if the road he's taking could diverge and lead him on a different journey? His path is set, he thinks... but then he collides with an insignificant girl and his world changes.

This story is for Julia (the opaleye) whose poetical skill with words leaves me breathless. It is also her 21st birthday. Apologies that I didn't use your fabulous alternate title 'An Act of Selecting or Making A Decision When Faced With Two or More Possibilities?'

Disclaimer: Much as I'd love to be JK Rowling, I'm not :(

Thank you Kara for beta'ing this and minna for mentioning the Robert Frost poem 'The Road Not Taken,' from which I've taken some lines.

** indicates lines taken from Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.

Categories: Draco/Other Character Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 10960 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/22/11 Updated: 11/29/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 04/10/12 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3 ~ Decisions

Well, reading that was... odd. Yet strangely satisfying. An interesting pairing...but a good ending. My favourite part was the drama in the Entrance Hall; you really see the Hufflepuff (negative?) vibes when she is being so protective of her family.

Author's Response: It was a bit of a challenge. I'd set a rarepair prompt in the Three Broomsticks and Draco/Hannah was the one couple unwritten and everyone said it wouldn;t happen ... so of course I had to try and make it happen - ha ha. I actually had plans to write a sequel for one of the GH challenges but never got around to it. Thanks for the review. I agree it was a bit odd but glad you found it satisfying. ~Carole~

 

All Was Well. . . In The End by iLuna17
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary:

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Throw in Lily Evans and Severus Snape and you will wonder how all six managed to graduate from Hogwarts without being expelled.

WARNING: Contains: Secrets, Padfoot, Padfoot singing, Padfoot, and emotional Lily, Slytherins, and Padfoot.

Did I forget Padfoot?

This is iMusic17 of Slytherin writing for the final in the MWPP class on the Beta Boards. .

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 2236 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/24/11 Updated: 12/03/11


Reviewer: BrokenPromise Signed
Date: 03/24/12 Title: Chapter 1: Just Another Day With The Marauders

When I read the summary, I started wondering how they did graduate alive, not just without being expelled!
That was great, but I guess I wasn't really concentrating as I am as confused as McGonagall about Sirius serenading Regulus, but I guess it was just for a laugh? For everyone?

Anyway, brill story!

Author's Response: Ah, yes, many will wonder how the Marauders survived, with Voldemort AND McGonagall . . .

When Sirius accidently let slip Lily's secret and Lily found out, he said he would do anything to make it up to her. So . . . Lily came up with this. (she wasn't dating James for nothing!)

Anyways, I'm really glad you liked the fic: I wrote it as a final for a class I took on the boards. It was a blast. Thanks for reviewing!

!Ellie!

 
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