I have been writing fan fiction for about one year -- reading it for about two and a half years. My earliest stories [i.e. Falling to Pieces, Dead Promises] are far from flawless. You are sure to find errors like grammar, characterisation, etc.
-Falling to Pieces
-Shivers of Pain
-A Mother's Heartbreak
I'd like to thank the following beta readers with whom I'm currently working, or have worked with in the past:
-OuchKibble [Falling to Pieces]
-Sectumsempra [Dead Promises]
-Insecurity [Shivers of Pain; Unforgiven; Silent Tears of Remorse]
-songbook99 [A Mother's Heartbreak]
-Konrad [Tarnished Soul]
-Celestial Melody [Porcelain Doll]
-For Padma's Sake by Hermione Dancr
-Imperfect by annie
-Marie-Antoinette by Tinn Tam
-Secret Friends by Harriet Evans
-Hope Dies Last by Evy Black
-Faithful by malko050987
I'm a teenage girl from Malta who likes angst and dark romance.
Reviews are more than welcome. :)
Well done for writing such creative and original work! The description is brilliant and I liked the way the whole story is like linked together in a way that makes so much sense. Reading this, it sometimes felt as though I was peeking in your mind. I'm glad this story contains no OOC, grammar mistakes and a very well-thought plot. Congratulations and keep up the good work! 10/10
Awesome fic! I really like the plot and the theory why Snape is so cold hearted is fantastic. You’re a brilliant author, OuchKibble (and beta). Keep it up!
Hiya! The first chapter of your fic is so wonderful...I can't wit to read the rest. ^^ Draco is adorable, as always, but here he's evil. Poor house-elf. I like the way they met and I can't wait to find out who "the man" is...Terrific piece of writing. Keep up the Slytherin Pride! And the good work. =) A definate 10/10
It's a very well written fic, personally, I'm very fond of Ginny fics and I liked the way you showed her emotions.
PS- It would be nice if this one had a sequel, writing Ginny's PoV of Harry's adventures.
Author's Response: Ginny's PoV for Harry's adventures... Wow that would be really long! lol Especially with all her emotional feelings towards Harry... Thank you for the review! ~Undividable
WOW! I loved it! Well done Roxy! BUT I have a couple of questions:
Did Harry wake up?
How did he react when he read the letter?
I'm really curious! :)
Keep up your brilliant work!
Author's Response: Ah, the questions. yay, someone asked :) Ok, here are a few ickle answers. Did Harry wake up? - Yes! How did he react? - hmm, well, if you read my fic, Love Wins... End of. I sort of carries on the story ever so slightly. Ok real answer... I can't say too much incase people read both this and LoWi..EnOf, but he was very touched and she was very happy with what he told her in return!
Wow! I absolutely love this fic! It expresses Harry's emotions and pain really well. It's very realistic and well written. 10/10 Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks so much - that's lovely. I really wanted to understand what Harry would be feeling, so I'm glad that it was fairly realistic. xxx
Oh, man! This is what I call true angst. I loved how you expressed Hermione's feelings, which went really well with her actions. I also liked how you described how each person had died, and Hermione's point of view of their death. I'll rate this 10/10 Well done and Keep it up!!
Author's Response: Wow! This was such a nce review! It certainly made my day =)
Although this is the first post-Hogwarts fic I’ve ever read on MNFF, I liked it a lot. You have very good theories about what’s going to happen in the seventh book and what’s going to happen after the war.
In many fics, readers consider Harry and Draco being friends as out of character, but you made this fic very realistic because you gave a lot of back-story. Although it’s a one-shot you narrated this story at a very good pace, therefore not too fast or too slow that it becomes boring.
There’s only one thing that’s preventing this fic from being perfect – a spelling mistake or what I think is a typo in this sentence:
It would'nt have been real, it would have only been a way for him to gain control over you before you could learn to defend yourself.”
Would’nt should be wouldn’t.
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this. Well done! 9+/10
Author's Response: Wow, what a great review. It\'s obvious you pay quite a bit of attention to what you read and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story and leave such a well written review! Thanks so much! By the way, I fixed the spelling error! Thanks for pointing it out.
Wonderful poem, Noldo. Mind that this is coming from a person who does not usually read poetry, but I appreciate it immensely.
I like the rhyming a lot. Even the air of mystery throughout the fic as you use 'her' and 'she'.
It was sad but very well written, especially the last stanza.
Keep it up. :)
I like this fic but...It would have been better if you'd have added a bit of backstory of how all those people had died. I love the ending and the bit where you said "He had never felt so empty" after he had killed Voldemort. I would give this fic 8/10 Well done and keep it up!
Hello stardust [sorry I don't know your real name!]
I started reading the first chapter of this story just after you posted your last one. It's simply because I didn't know about it until someone recommended it to me.
What struck me most while reading this fic is the choice of words and how they flow beautifully to create the air of lyrical writing, which goes great with the theme of the story.
You have gone into so much interesting detail about music and how Hermione, as a passionate violinist, thinks and reacts. Also, I do imagine Remus to be the kind of person who likes music. :)
The plot is excellent and the characters are very in-character so congratulations for writing this!
Good luck for future writing. :)
Author's Response: Hi Debbie! (Ana here; it\'s nice to meet you! :) ) I\'m glad to know at least one person has read this, now, without having to put up with my dillydallied updates. :) And let me say it\'s just an unexpected delight to get such nice feedback... thank goodness Hermione\'s music came across in the right way, because my interpretation for both character and craft has been quite limited and the whole prose-y aspect of the story was experimental. :)
Thanks for your review and for the well-wishes. It\'s very kind of you indeed and I wish you all the same. :)
I am impressed. When you start reading this story, you immediately feel like you're in Ginny's place. Every word is perfect and carefully chosen to make the reader see what Ginny sees; feel what she feels. There is a lot of talent in this fic when it comes to emotions and describing situations.
Yet, they didn’t fall down to the grass below and leave her a smoky shadow but instead lit up the world and danced with her — danced with her until she could feel the warm beams of sunlight streaming through her skin, and she was weightless and beautiful and just Ginny again.
I particularly like this sentence because it's a great example of the perfect description.
She was a kite, buoying along in the breeze — then a bird, gliding, swerving, diving, only to shoot back up, no longer craving the solidity of earth beneath her feet.
The imagery is brilliant. What struck me here is how you illustrate every small detail to make the fic really pleasant to read.
Ron, who had betrayed her. Who had always been her best friend, even when he hated playing with a girl and would tag along after his brothers. Ron, who had found other people — better people — and no longer needed her to play chess with or make-up games where brother and sister battled giant trolls.
This made me think about it a lot. Even after I finished reading the story, I thought about how Ginny must have felt when Ron made other friends. Indeed she would have felt betrayed because suddenly Ron isn't paying nearly as much attention to her as he used to. Kudos for writing this piece.
Kal, this story is truly wonderful. Kudos to you!
Wow. This is another absolutely amazing story, Noldo.
Apart from the fact that I totally love Sirius and anything Sirius-related, I love this fic because of the plot. Although it’s very short and to the point, it’s beautifully written and there is a lot of feeling in every word in the story, and its mingled with a bit of angst as well. :)
I think you were able to interpret Sirius’ character extremely well – as always, I cannot detect any hint of OOCness. :)
Overall it’s brilliant – well done.
Congratulations acerbus_lunaris, for writing such a terrific poem. I love the way you expressed Hermione’s feelings. You really made me realise that we should be more grateful at small, everyday things. Another reason why I liked the poem is because it had this somber feeling from top to bottom.
I have never read any poems on MNFF, so yours was the first one and I’m certainly not disappointed for reading it. And I’m honored to be the first reviewer of this poem. Keep it up and good luck for the future! :) 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm honored that you like my writing!
This fic is great! It’s very original – I’ve never read anything like it – and interesting as I too have often wondered what Sirius’ job, if any, was. I like certain phrases including Fire, fire — fire and torture, he writes, and he knows that in more senses than one this war is about blood. and And, stumbling, blind in the groping dark, he waits for the end, and for the world to shatter, and he thinks that if they cut him open they will find the war written in fire across his heart. I keep reading those phrases over and over again and they make more sense every time I read them! So, congratulations for writing such a fantastic story and keep up the brilliant work!
I'm glad to read a brilliantly written first chapter, with buckets of potential. And it's also interesting to read the missing scene before Book 5.
The characterisation is awesome -- well done. I liked the idea of seeing more of Sirius *sniff* and Dumbledore again.
Also you did a fantastic job in writing the beginning of the plot -- One could never get too much Lupin/Tonks.
Well done and keep up the good work! :)
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I have submitted chapter 2 and have several more already written so keep reading!
Wow. That was beautiful, Chris.
From the very first words it caught my attention. The way you made Hedwig realise that Harry needs help, but she doesn't really know what to do, is fabulous because although written in quite an extraordinary way point of view, it sounds very realistic and I couldn't detect a hint of OOCness.
The overall plot is so well-thought -- the need Hedwig feels to help her master, or friend, and her compassionate feelings that eventually result in her wanting to tell Harry's friends what he was feeling, are expressed in a brilliant way.
You did a good job in expressing their feelings -- even the owl's -- but what struck me most was definitely the way Hedwig wants people to understand her so much that she went to desperate measures to ensure her master's health -- both physical and psychological.
I found one small typo which I thought I should let you know about.
I whish that I could talk to my master and tell him of the wonders beyond the veil.
Finally, the paragraph which I liked most:
His letter is finished, and I fly to his shoulder to watch him sign it. After his first two letters, it has become a ritual. I would fly to his shoulder and watch him sign it. At first, it was "Harry". Then "Your friend, Harry." After some time, it became "Love, Harry."
You did a great job with this; keep it up. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the great review :) This has got to be the best review I\'ve ever received :D I\'ll correct the mistake right away, thanks for pointing it out :) Chris
Great story, Chris.
I absolutely loved the plot. Stories where Harry loses his magical powers are very rare, and so, very appreciated. :-) And this is coming from someone who hardly ever reads AU.
It amazed me how you managed to keep all characters in place -- from Dumbledore, with his formal tone but concerned for Harry when in the right situation, to Harry, for whom you gave a very accurate description and reasons for his feelings and actions.
I found one typo though:
He stood and nodded at Molly. “May Ron com join Harry?” he asked formally.
I can't say anything else about this...it's awesome. Well done. :)
Author's Response: Debbie!! :D
Thanks for the great review, and for pointing out the mistake *will correct it ASAP*
I\'m glad you like the story, and I\'m feling especially flattered that you read it despite the AU thing :) Thank you.
Hey Jace :)
Indeed, I'm in love with this story.
It's amazing how flowing this story is - I barely realised I had finished reading the first chapter. And surprisingly, I had never read fics in which there were OCs.
That brings us to Trent. There is something awfully charming about the little boy, even though he happens to be such a dark character. The way you described him, I could imagine him perfectly - how his eyes brightened when he saw the apple; the sadness on his face when that man took the apple; and the confusion at the first signs of magic. Two thumbs up on characterisation.
The fact that Neville is now a Herbology Professor made me smile. And Flitwick being headmaster. :)
And finally - the kitten. You knew I had to bring this up, didn't you? It's absolutely adorable. :)
*huggles* Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Hey, Debbie!
Ok, I haven\'t updated this story in God knows how long. I kinda doubt I will, but who knows? I might go over that second chapter and try to submit it again. Then maybe this plotbunny will come back to me..
- Jacie the Cat
Good...interesting...fun to read...a bit strange [well, that's Luna]...amusing...
Banishing Jabberwocks doesn't sound so bad after all... :)
Author's Response: Hehe :D Thanks for the review :) Chris