Whoa...didn't see the confrontationwith Draco and Hermione coming! Great job on that point. I had to read that part twice, as I was completely surprised at his appearance on the window sill. Nicely done. Hermione's subsequent actions at the Eiffel Tower, with her mother, and then with Ginny are quite plausible. The conversation with Mr. Ollivander and that little remark about "moral vision" is genius...I hope you are able to work the second wand into the remainder of the story. Good job overall!
Author's Response: When I add something like a wand, it's usually got a purpose later in the story, so I think you'll be happy there. What I love most about JKR is that story details all tie together, even across books. I'm trying to be true to her attention to detail in my stories too. And I can't take credit for what Ollivander said about the wand -- that's from Harry Potter Wiki. I try to ground my stories in cannon as much as possible (despite the major liberties I take in order to create a love story between Hermione and Draco -- ha!). Thanks for your review, Jenny
Thank you for the glimpse of woeful Draco...I trust the next chapter gives us a better idea of his machinations? Oh wait...the weekend in Germany. Somehow I see a convergence of plotlines here...Draco's, Goyle's, and Hermione's. And personally??? I don't think Tabor's all that innocent. He is too good to be true and his interest in Hermione is quite focused...maybe to nefarious ends? Aceline is another (canon) Pansy Parkinson, isn't she??? Lots of evil under that skin. Enjoyed the openness between Ginny and Hermione...just what Hermione needed. Gasp! Discussions between Draco and Ginny back at Hogwarts? Interesting. Who else did Draco talk to?
I do so like this story. Good job!
Author's Response: Have you read the story that comes before this? That's where Ginny and Draco talked. It's interesting to hear your thoughts on the story. It gives me good insight into whether I am writing the characters in a way that is consistent with what I think their motives are and whether I am foreshadowing events in a reasonable way. I hope you like the next few chapters! Thank you for your review, Jenny
Sorry to be so late in responding! The last two chapters are full of important information that 1) set up the storyline for more intrigue and possibility while 2) re-establishing Draco and Hermione's relationship. You have dangled a few carrots with Beline's absence and Tabor's refusal to believe Hermione is not interested in him. Great job!
Author's Response: You are a very engaged reader, which is great, but makes me wonder if some of my writing choices make things seem more important than they are meant to be. You'll see how all the loose ends get tied together in the next few chapters, and then you can let me know if I've lived up to your expectations. Thanks for the review! Jenny
I liked this chapter for its realism: you have given us a familiar glimpse into the sadder side of interpersonal relationships gone awry. I cannot help but entertain the idea that Draco's rebound behavior is covering up feelings he wishes to keep private. Using Aceline is cruel; however, if she is the blood-purist I assume her to be, she is oblivious to Draco's true feelings for Hermione. She is only about herself. Draco has changed and I also believe he is protecting Hermione by using the breach in their relationship to get on with Goyle's situation. Ideally, in the end I would like to see Draco revealed as an undercover informant for the British Aurors (unbeknownst to Ron and Harry, on assignment from the Minister himself). Sounds far-fetched, but makes sense to me. I imagine Draco using Ron and Harry's snitch-request as the means to keep Hermione out of immediate danger. Somehow, I imagine Tabor to be eyeball deep in evil as well!! Just a few ramblings on my part.
Good interlude and story-building with this chapter! Love the teaser of a last paragraph.
Author's Response: Wow! You have a lot of interesting story ideas. Unfortunately, I've already written the rest of my story, so I can't incorporate your musings. You should write your own fan-fiction! I'm glad you like the realism of Draco's behavior. I struggle with the idea of changing Draco too much from what he was like in the books, so I thought I'd throw some regression into the mix. Thank you for your thoughtful review! --Jenny
Hmmmm. Interesting take on fairy tale-meets-reality. Tabor's mother a hag? And he didn't know himself? Sorry...doesn't jive. Didn't much care for the lengthy descriptions, but the shortened paragraphs and quick dialogue easily compensate. Using Hermione's mum as her go-to is practical and provides believable. I can see how contacting Mrs. Malfoy would circumvent the problem of cell reception at WUP. Good thinking.
When Hermione saw Tabor standing alone, my thoughts were instantly on his culpability at causing Carol and Luke's absence. If anything, I wouldn't be surprised if Aceline has Tabor under her spell and manipulating his behaviors to win Hermione's interest and keep her occupied, away from Draco.
Good job!!! Keep those chapters coming.
Author's Response: I guess it's not yet clear, but Tabor knows his mother is a Hag. Let me know what your take is on the Tabor/mother situation after you read the next chapter okay? (It's in the queue.) I'd like to get your take on things after you see where I went with this. Thank you for your review! Jenny
Really? Sorry, but this chapter just does not stand up to your previous work. The early sections of description are bland. What happened to the quick dialogue and succinct passages? If you intended to save your writing skills for the sex scenes, why bother with the final exams and quid ditch match? I am disappointed.
Author's Response: I'm sorry to disappoint you. As a professor, I love to think about the classes Hermione is taking and the final exams. If that's too much detail for you, I'm sorry. There are times when witty dialogue doesn't seem to fit. I'm trying to wrap up their year at school and there are things that may seem boring to some that I think are important to round out their school year experience. Thanks for your review, Jenny
Typical university goings-on sprinkled with a dash of mystery and subterfuge? Wonderful!!! Do I detect a hint of future missteps with Draco and Hermione as well? I am curious as to how you will resolve Draco's involvement with Goyle and Hermione's duplicity. Please, please do not skim over the plotline and simplify the outcome: develop your storyline as complex and thorough as you can! Good luck!
Author's Response: I'm trying to develop the story fully, but there are a lot of moving pieces! Some issues are going to be longer term. I hope you are satisfied with the way I've plotted things out for the rest of this story, and hopefully you'll stick with me through story # 3 as well. Thank you for your thoughtful review, Jenny
I am not sure where you are headed with this storyline; however, the journey is quite interesting and well-written. I enjoy your attention to details that enhance the reading experience without being overbearing. Love the dialogues! You have my curiosity whirling overtime with the introduction of the map and Goyle's employment (a la Tom Riddle?) Please don't wait too long to post new chapters!
Author's Response: Thank you for your nice review. I love researching the details of the story as much as I enjoy writing it! The next couple chapters should come really fast now. Thanks, Jenny
This storyline is very intriguing. I don't know where you are going with it, but I hope the character development and events are well-rounded and believable. I look forward to future installments.
I'm surprised this chapter is so short; I presume it is the prelude to the ending of the story. If so, please do not disappoint with a rushed ending. A gratifying confrontation between Hermione and Draco is worth the wait! I would prefer to have all of Draco's secrets revealed: how he developed the curse and verification of Hermione's theory would be wonderful. In my mind, I can see Hermione walking out of Draco's cell with the knowledge that she would be getting her memories returned before she was able to leave the island...and Draco coming to the realization that he was no longer protected by his "happy place." A screeching halt...to be graphically blunt...to Hermione's hell as she hears the iron gates close behind her.
Bring on your next chapter as soon as possible.
Author's Response: Hi! thanks for your review. Just so you know, the story is done, it just takes some time to get each chapter posted on this site. There are 21 chapters. I hope you like it in the end!
Nicely done. The tension, the repetitive confrontations, the glimmer of remembrance...then nothing. Thank you for bringing Ginny into the mix and for using her observations to reveal a vital piece of information. The eye contact is priceless. I'm glad you are posting frequently.
This is such a interesting story...I hope you do not wait too long to post the next chapters!
Ok...we're finally getting to the crux of the matter, aren't we? Draco has to die. No mention of the Dementor's Kiss, which would merely remove his soul from his body. I think this should be a sticking point: if Draco receives the DK, then Hermione doesn't get her memories in full. Should Draco die, Hermione is possibly cured of her memory loss. Interesting conundrum, yes????
You are correct in tagging this chapter "fluff" as there seems to be no purpose for it but to interject some physicality into Ron and Hermione's re-developing relationship. Perhaps the content would have been better served had you also intertwined new information into the work; a revelation from the Ministry about Draco? Or Draco's death and the complete release of the spell over Hermione?? This could have happened at a most opportune moment. More content, please...less fluff.
I was concerned with the lengthy intro (sans dialogue) to the story in chapter 1; however, you have redeemed yourself quite nicely on the whole. The more first-person interaction, the better. Be mindful of the use of background/support paragraphs: they can become weak replacements for dynamic action. Good job! I look forward to the next installment, so please don't wait too long to post!
This has been a fun story to read and I expect the level of detail and narrative to continue. You've managed to capture and effectively illustrate the ups and downs of a typical wedding journey. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you. The ups and downs will continue as the wedding slowly approaches. -N-
What this is?
Author's Response: Thank you. -N-
NIcely achieved, the resolution of Neville and Luna. Just the right touch of angst and reality. I have enjoyed the story very much.
You REALLY get Luna...her dialogue has just the right touch of the misty, sing-song rhythm Evana Lynch provides in her portrayal of our movie-Luna! Nicely done!
Love the story! You captivate with well-constructed sentences; descriptive without being repetitous.
Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm glad my style worked for you!