Penname: baby54boomer [Contact]
Real name: pamela irvin
Member Since: 10/31/11
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Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: With Hannah, things always go to yellow.



Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 988 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/11/12 Updated: 08/11/12


Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 08/11/12 Title: Chapter 1: one shot

Very lovely, the way you intertwined the yellows throughout Hannah's life. Good job.

Author's Response: Thanks so much.

 

Summary: Past Featured Story

I have decided that today is going to be the last day of my life.



He was torn apart… ripped into pieces. He was never himself again. And from that day on whenever Albus Potter looked into the mirror, the reflection staring back at him was just too maimed to be his own.

This is Ginny Weasley Potter from Hufflepuff house and though this doesn’t qualify anymore, this was my submission to round two of the one-shot triathlon. Nominated for the 2013 QSQ awards under the best dark/angst story category!

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mental Disorders, Non-Consensual Sex, Self Injury, Strong Profanity, Suicide

Word count: 3960 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/12/12 Updated: 08/20/12


Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 08/20/12 Title: Chapter 1: Albus Potter

How difficult this must have been to write. It was difficult to read. Thank you for not going into detail; the word "rape" is graphic enough. Perhaps there was not enough said about the loved ones left behind to deal with the loss and confusion caused by the suicide? You presented Albus' feelings of despair, shame, and hopelessness quite well...in fact, you fairly justified the suicide by diminishing his family's love and obliterating any hope for emotional healing. This is disturbing. Without hope, The Hope, there is no life.

Author's Response: Yes, this was difficult to write. Especially as it was so... heavy and draining as a topic. It made me feel miserable in places and I just felt worse while revising it over and over. I thought that maybe more than the rape, it was the whole psychology... Albus's whole struggle that made it difficult to read. About his loved ones-- yes, I purposely did not mention them much because this fic was to be more about Albus than anyone else. As this was primarily a challenge submission, I wanted to make the focus of the story quite clear. Plus, the vagueness went better with the mood. Describing everyone's emotions would have been like forcing the readers to feel for Albus and I didn't want that. I am quite glad that you found my description of Albus's emotions good. And the suicide was still not justified, in my opinion. Suicide never is justified in my eyes. But that's just me. I was writing for Albus and for him, this was the right way. You're right, without hope, there is no life. And I'd suggest listening to some good music and a chunk of chocolate if you're too disturbed. Thank you for that short, yet huge review! :)

 

The Promise by savvy33
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: After a year of separation, Harry sees Ginny. His emotions rise up, and before he knows it, there's a confrontation...

This is only rated 6th-7th for the profanity, although there's not much.

Categories: Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded, Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Mild Profanity

Word count: 1349 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/12/12 Updated: 08/16/12


Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 08/16/12 Title: Chapter 1: The Promise

Hmmm...well....do confrontations of this magnitude actually occur in public places like this? Wouldn't Harry have cast the Muffliato spell or something similar? I don't know...seems too contrived to be realistic. Ginny's angry, indignant response was the most true-to-character bit in the whole piece.

 

Wind's Nocturne by Acacia Carter
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 14]

Summary: Past Featured StoryThere is magic the likes of which humans can barely remember and seldom experience. There is, however, a handful of men privileged enough to experience a part of it: the Dryad's Consorts.

Written for the last third of Madame Alex's Character Triathalon!

--

Many thanks to Maple for the beta; I couldn't see myself sending this one to anyone else.

Anything you recognise is JKR's. Anything you don't recognise is possibly mine, but probably JKR's.

--

Wood-nymphs, more commonly known as Dryads, are first and last mentioned in the Potterverse by Fleur in Goblet of Fire. In Greek mythology, these cunning magical creatures are entirely female, and must capture and seduce human men in order to bear daughters and heirs to their forests. In other works of literature they are described as bold and highly territorial, with voracious, er, "appetite" for particular intimate activities. So, basically a shy Herbologist's every fantasy...



Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Situations

Word count: 7649 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/19/12 Updated: 08/19/12


Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 01/13/13 Title: Chapter 1: Wind's Nocturne - One-Shot

Wonderful, wonderful...a delightful, yet poignant love story. You artfully weave the passing of time, describing Melea and Neville's relationship in such a way that both haunts and enchants my imagination.
Thank you for the creative imagery and fine crafting of this text. You remind us all that the most precious, intimate moments in our lives are best described in subtle ways, resonating with one's deepest thoughts and remembrances.
I tip my hat to you.

 

The Hawthorn Root by opti
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: The Hawthorn tree is the Celtic symbol of consequence, relationships, and contradiction. It's the symbol of juxtaposition, and also of balance. The beautiful blossoms of the tree are nestled deep within razor-sharp thorns. Despite the harshness of the opposites, it still manages to become reborn each year as the wondrous being of nature we see it as.

Marriage, like the Hawthorne, is rarely -- if ever -- simple. Sometimes the roots decay and the structure dies, and other times the harmony of the union of opposites is enough to keep it alive year after year. Ron and Hermione Weasley's marriage is one such sapling, but will their case be one among the beautiful boughs? Or will it lie dead and trodden upon, long forgotten by time?

This is opti from Hufflepuff House writing for the Great Hall Chaptered Challenge. Prompt: Bonded.

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 11278 Chapters: 4 Completed: No
Published:
08/20/12 Updated: 10/08/12


Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 08/23/12 Title: Chapter 1: - Prologue -

Actually, you have quite succinctly described the USA right now...reeling from the same housing market debacle. As you progress Ron and Hermione's situation, please consider this: "for better or for worse" and "a house does not make a home." Relationship is far more precious than address. Good luck!

Author's Response: Well, you write what you know, right? I guess without realizing it I injected some of my own experiences into the writing, but I think the situation they are in (including the time frame) justifies it. Oh and don't worry, all of your points have been taken into account ;) . But, you'll just have to wait for more chapters to find out how successful the two are.

 

Summary: Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy attend their sophomore year at the Wizarding University of Paris. This is a sequel to both the Dragon Does the Tickling, where Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy complete their seventh year at Hogwarts after the war and fall in love and More Wandless Magic with Malfoy, where they complete their freshman year at WUP. I strongly recommend reading both those stories first.

Categories: Hermione/Draco Genre: Warnings: Epilogue? What Epilogue?

Word count: 162696 Chapters: 45 Completed: No
Published:
09/03/12 Updated: 02/09/14


Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 09/29/13 Title: Chapter 38: Chapter 38: Heliopaths to the Rescue

The dialogue was tight and kept the action moving in this chapter. Good job! Make sure you reveal the results of Hermione's WUP photos: maybe they will reveal more than just FFHs for Luna's research!!! A suspect/clue in the landscape, maybe???

I have also noticed a trend in your writing; the repetition of terms that makes the reading a bit heavy and boring. Try to construct your paragraphs in such a way as to use a diverse selection of descriptives. This will not only move the action along, but intrigue your audience and motivate the reader to stay with the story.

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 09/29/13 Title: Chapter 38: Chapter 38: Heliopaths to the Rescue

The dialogue was tight and kept the action moving in this chapter. Good job! Make sure you reveal the results of Hermione's WUP photos: maybe they will reveal more than just FFHs for Luna's research!!! A suspect/clue in the landscape, maybe???

I have also noticed a trend in your writing; the repetition of terms that makes the reading a bit heavy and boring. Try to construct your paragraphs in such a way as to use a diverse selection of descriptives. This will not only move the action along, but intrigue your audience and motivate the reader to stay with the story.

Author's Response: I'll try to avoid repetition. Thanks for the advice and the thoughtful review! --Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 05/29/13 Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24: Draco in Luxembourg II

Nicely constructed with just enough unresolved tension to elevate the reader's anticipation for the next chapter.
You use several narrative misdirects in the last section..."Relief washed over Hermione," "Draco seemed safe," "if anything interesting occurs," "if he suspected anything." The subtle innuendo of doubt is well-placed.
Good luck with the next installment.

Author's Response: Thank you for your thoughtful assessment of this chapter. I am very pleased that you liked it. I just hope you like the way things proceed from here! Thanks, Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 04/30/13 Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21: Fall Semester Final Exams

I understand the chapter's title and text are pointing us towards the end of the semester; however, you do not provide a transition to the holiday break and the ensuing tension that will envelope Draco and Hermione. A paragraph or two outlining their plans would have been nice.
The subjective grading/obvious prejudice exhibited by Professor Lesage provides an all-too-familiar circumstance for many readers with which to identify. Draco's explanation was good: unfortunately for Hermione, a filed complaint with WUP's Omsbudsman Office would have drawn unwanted attention to the D/H partnership. If you are going to build a case of bias against Hermione's Muggle status that will eventually be refuted when your story resolves, now is the time to build on what has been previously written. D/H's "separation" could easily make Hermione a target of Dark Arts bigotry and heighten the story tension.

Author's Response: The transition is coming in the next chapter, so hopefully you will appreciate it there. I like the idea of building up the Dark Arts tension and I'll see where I can fit it in going forward. As you'll see, I will be taking a more personal approach with Professor Lesage. But the general prejudice could be played up as well. Thanks for the thoughtful review and good suggestions! --Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 11/02/13 Title: Chapter 41: Chapter 41: April in Paris

A rather rough, untidy start to an otherwise informative chapter. The first three paragraphs were poorly constructed, leaving this reader a bit frustrated in the effort. Please pay more attention to the flow of your text and verb tense.
A blind girl on Hermione's floor??? Hmmmm. Perhaps Hermione has a point about who can see her. I hope Claire becomes a character of interest in the future.

Author's Response: I do have plans for Claire, but probably not until the next story. I'm sorry that you were unhappy with the beginning of the chapter -- I think writing in installments can be a bit cumbersome, because I feel the need to bring people back up to speed, since there are breaks in between chapters. I'll try to do a better job of things going forward. Thanks, Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 08/03/13 Title: Chapter 32: Chapter 32: Draco's Infirmary Stay

Now that you've confirmed the Imperius Potion, the story should speed up a bit, right?
Thanks for resolving the cliff-hanger.

Author's Response: Yes, in the sense that I don't plan on another 30 chapters to end the school year! ;-) Thanks for the review, Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 09/14/12 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Menorca Holiday

I'm not sure the construction of this chapter is as crisply written as previous installments. Too many uses of "when they..." to keep the action clean. In all, not bad.

Author's Response: I'm just writing this for fun. I hope you enjoy the big picture the story! --Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 07/12/13 Title: Chapter 29: Chapter 29: Encountering Draco

Finally...a chapter filled with substantial information and plot development!!!! Thank you for bringing the early events of this submission to a decisive moment and setting up the next installment. Neville's supportive role is a nice balance to Ron's negativity and compliments Hermione's practical/analytical personality well. You have suggested a Ron/Morgan relationship...perhaps we will see a bit more of their Auror duties in future? Something requiring Draco's return to "normalcy" that puts Ron in his place??
Nicely done!

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 07/12/13 Title: Chapter 29: Chapter 29: Encountering Draco

Finally...a chapter filled with substantial information and plot development!!!! Thank you for bringing the early events of this submission to a decisive moment and setting up the next installment. Neville's supportive role is a nice balance to Ron's negativity and compliments Hermione's practical/analytical personality well. You have suggested a Ron/Morgan relationship...perhaps we will see a bit more of their Auror duties in future? Something requiring Draco's return to "normalcy" that puts Ron in his place??
Nicely done!

Author's Response: Thank you for your encouraging review! I hope you like the resolution that begins to occur over the next few chapters. After that, it may be time to focus on Ron and Morgan and political intrigue in Luxembourg. Thank you, Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 04/22/13 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20: Draco Invited for the Holidays

While this chapter is filled with foundational information primary to the story's climax, you end this narrative rather abruptly and in a sophomoric fashion.
Certainly you have a much better understanding of plotline and text. Be careful in crafting your next submission.

Author's Response: You overestimate me. I'm a complete amateur who's figuring this out as I go along! I have pieces I am moving, but a lot depends on how long the chapter is turning out to be and where to break things up so that no one entry is too long or too short. Thanks, Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 11/18/13 Title: Chapter 42: Chapter 42: Supreme Sagamore

You cover a large amount of time with this installment; however, the title does not convey an accurate summation of the content. Perhaps a bit more drama surrounding the Hoxha victory intermingled with D/H's time at WUP would have helped.

Given the seriousness of the Hoxha situation and the news of Lucius's pending release from prison, I hope your plot line meshes the two and formulates a surprise twist in the story that exposes Hoxha's nefarious behaviors.
Just saying

Author's Response: I didn't realize anyone actually paid attention to the titles! I've been mostly using them to help me remember what's going on in the chapter. You have high expectations for the last few chapters in this story and I feel I must warn you, a lot of what you are hoping to see here will not be addressed until Draco and Hermione's junior year at WUP. I have plans, but finals are almost upon us! Thank you for your review, Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 09/22/13 Title: Chapter 37: Chapter 37: Luna and Rolf visit WUP

Too much narrative and not enough dialogue...a trend that seems to have taken over this story on the whole.

Author's Response: I'll try to include more dialogue going forward. I think I'm juggling too many plot points. As they wind down, it will get easier. Thank you for the feedback, Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 02/11/14 Title: Chapter 45: Chapter 45: Rescuing Draco (Again)

Sorry, but this chapter loses some finesse in the loosely crafted narrative. While we learn of a possible connection between the overbearing and all-solitious Dritan and supposedly evil Hoxha, you fail to flesh out Auror Harry's observations. His private thoughts or eye contact with Hermione would have laid a stronger foundation for further development of this plotline.

As for the whole Ardianna-kidnapping- Draco thing...not plausible and more of a weak link in the continuing saga at WUP. You missed an opportunity to heighten the tension more with a sharper compostion. This text felt more like an elementary student's draft; someone who did not know how to construct the crisp dialogue you have written in previous submissions.

Perhaps you have tired of the story? Consider how you are going to tie up all loose ends in a neat, tidy bow and set your sights to that end.

Author's Response: I've been having a hard time writing this story lately and your critical comments are not encouraging to me at all. I am not a professional writer, but I am a well-educated person who is trying her hand at this silly fanfiction genre as a hobby, not a career. I'm not sure what your credentials are to throw such criticism about as if you were Hemingway or Fitzgerald, but I really cannot cope with such negative feedback at a time when I am struggling to finish my story. And just so you know, I will not be tying up all the loose ends in this story, but I'm setting up their Junior year at WUP for more mysteries. So please lower your expectations or you will continue to be disappointed. Thank you, Jennifer

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 09/07/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Summer Day at the Burrow

So glad you haven't forgotten our WUP students!!! This storyline sounds quite promising. Keep up the good work and don't get too bogged down in maneuvering your character couples into romantic situations. The fact that Hermione and Draco have a project at hand is quite daunting at best!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I have the entire story mapped out, so there may be a bit of maneuvering. ;-) But I find a need a mystery to fill a story that takes an entire school year, so it won't be all romance. Thanks, Jenny

 
Reviewer: baby54boomer Signed
Date: 01/05/14 Title: Chapter 44: Chapter 44: Muggle Technology to the Rescue

Dritan becomes more pivitol to this story; can you possibly resolve the miriad of storylines without losing integrity and plausibility?
Be careful not to throw too much inconsequential information into your narrative: the consequence could be an hurried and inadequate conclusion.

 
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