Sorry, but the grammatical and spelling errors are just too many to muddle through! I suggest you revisit this story with a good punctuation textbook and dictionary.
I've truly enjoyed this storyline; Oliver and Hermione together is a rather new idea to me. You developed their relationship nicely...I like the fact that the Contract Law was the nucleus to their circumstances. I may have missed a few important points, though: I presume the Malfoys were behind the Contract idea in the first place...poor Percy being the subject of the Imperious Curse perhaps??? Also...Is it Lucius's vision to rule the Wizarding World and he's laid the foundation for such a move? Forgive me for being thick...I was more intrigued with Hermione and Oliver's storyline. Nicely created, too, their intimate moments. You crafted a lovely, personal moment without being crude or disgustingly bold...good job overall.
Love this! Had NO idea who the child was until the fast-forward. One thing I found odd: to be true to Hermione's character, she would have remembered Shacklebolt's name if not the amazing timbre of his unique, deep voice. Regardless, the story is quite refreshing. Good job!
I may be 7 years late to this story; however, I loved your dialogues. I especially liked the way you concluded with Remus' pause and statement and Molly's reaction! Priceless!
The wait was well worth it. Such a descriptive narrative; well constructed and easy to read. The images are grand, complimentary to Draco's persona. You have created an atmosphere of resolution in this final chapter: Draco and Ginny putting their past in the past and setting their joined hearts and minds towards a future for their boys that would be full of expressive love. Well done.
Nicely done. You have captured the angst and confusion of the uninformed female mind quite accurately. To have included Professor Snape in Selina's story is priceless. Thinking further on the narrative in the Potion's room, Prof Snape was exactly the person Selina needed to calm her fears; his calculated response is both clinical and reassuring. That Selina would need the briefest of explanation at hand and redirection to Madam Pomfrey for specific helps works perfectly. Great job!
“It’s our rule not to dredge up past things, remember?”This rule is about to be broken.
~Inspired by a worldwide beloved film.
I like the path of this story; keep up the good work.
Do be careful with verb tense. The mix of present and past...sometimes in the same sentence...is confusing.
As intrigued as I am with the storyline, I fear the frequent occurence of inconsistent verb tense is quite maddening!!!! Hang in there; I look forward to the outing of Menis and the wedding of our Hermione and Draco!
Author's Response: So sorry for the late response to your review. I'm so sorry for my tense errors as well. It's nice to have a reader who notices that, actually! I'm afraid that chapter was posted with haste and I did go wonky on the present/present perfect... Argh. Will fix them. Thanks for the review! Update posted.
Rose was a Weasley. She never gave Scorpius Malfoy a second glance. They were sworn enemies, even though they’d barely even spoken to each other. But sometimes all it takes for love to blossom is a Potions lesson, a few snide remarks and a dropped book.
Two people. Two entirely different worlds that are suddenly intertwined.
Interesting comment by Scorpius referencing family alienation. In all, this story has been quite a commentary on bigotry and idiocy. Reminds me of my own extended family...
Bit abrupt, this last chapter's opening paragraphs. I anticipated a bit more interaction between the Malfoy men!
A good story...lots of interesting exchanges. Sometimes Scorpius' endearments to Rose seemed a bit odd to me; perhaps I wasn't reading them correctly, with the proper inflection, humor, or teasing attitude. Overall, nicely written.
Perhaps this is a bit late in the story to point out the ineffective use of profanity? Your plotline and character development is quite satisfying without spattering the text with f*** this and so forth.
A plausible storyline that lacks development; consequently, the jump in relationship between Hermione and Draco is questionable. Sorry...this just doesn't ring with me.
Kudos for constructing a rather interesting plot and keeping the action moving without becoming maudlin. The issue of "friends in a relationship that turns badly" is not uncommon: you seem to have found a brief resolution to the conflict with Ron's running off. That being said, the bigger picture is yet to be seen...Hogwarts, The Burrow, the Weasley family, and Hermione's parents! Hope you work out the details in believeable ways! Good luck!
Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you're enjoying it. I have some plans to work out the conflicts you've mentioned. You'll have to wait and see how that all turns out. ;)
WHEN will this story be finished?? You have two good plotlines that need to be complete!!!!! Get on with it, please...
Absolutely love your storyline and hope you post the next chapter ASAP! You've written just enough tension into the Hermione/Draco interactions to keep the reader engrossed and anticipatory. Love, love, love the Ginny/Blaise pairing as well! I couldn't stop giggling over the G/H phone call!!! You nailed the humor in one!!! Great job ;)
Harry Potter had seen death - a lot of death. Friends had passed in his lifetime, more so than any one person should ever experience, but how much is too much, even for the Chosen One?
Ron Weasley is dead, leaving behind his wife and his best mate. How can these two cope with their Trio being cut down to two? And when danger lurks in the shadows, can they find the strength to fight for one another?
Well...to be brutally honest, the story falls apart when Harry receives the last letter from Yaxley. Harry's last-ditch effort to warn Ginny was improbable as well. Sorry, but the story looses its credibility in the graveyard; the problems are too many to list.
You have an epilogue? I suggest you tie up the loose ends between Harry and Hermione: Hope's parentage, especially. George's involvement is still "out there" and should be resolved. Are you planning to leave Ginny as a scorned and hateful woman?
Yep, you have some issues to deal with here...good luck.
Haha, I couldn't agree with you more. About all of it.
This story is a hot mess, and the reason I haven't finished it despite the epilogue being just about finished for almost two years is that if I, the author, don't care what happens, why am I writing this story? For whatever reason, it's my most read and reviewed and favorited fic, so I don't delete it out of respect for people who do enjoy it, but it is quite embarrassing when put next to a few of my higher quality stories.
Anyway, thank you for reading and for your honesty. It's kind of refreshing to get a review for this that isn't ZOMG I LUVVVV. Those kind of make me ill because I really do hate this story quite a lot.
Thank you again for visiting, and hopefully next time you read a story of mine, it isn't one that requires matches and Pepto!
Holy Movie Canon, Batman! This fic won the 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award for Best Chaptered Humor Story. Thanks so, so much!
You've captured my feelings on the subject of "unnecessary additions" quite nicely, thank you very much!!!!!
Author's Response: Yay! Thanks!
So I waited for my little gem to bear fruit, to become one of those climactic surprises we should have seen coming, but somehow overlooked. Only it never came to pass. The death count mounted to a staggering high, the epic moments came and went, Snape’s back story was finally revealed, and still nothing.
So it has lain, bereft and unwanted, among the detritus of a Diagon Alley the Death Eaters had turned into a bully’s playground. But in the intervening years, this rough diamond has become the inspiration for this story, spreading its tentacles into new and intriguing territories.
Although Harry mentions Chocolate Frog as the title of Mad-Eye Moody’s autobiography at the end of my previous tale, The Dark Phoenix, this version of the story goes beyond that. Nonetheless, the sections representing Moody’s memoirs are clearly labeled.
This story begins with events recounted in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and continues beyond the end of the series. I have attempted to conform to canon as much as possible, elaborating only where the circumstances are vague or passed over. It is an interpretation of the events that happened behind the scenes, so to speak.
Your writing is quite engaging. The dialogues are especially sharp: you have managed to capture the original tone of each canon character! I would have liked more AD/Chocolate Frog moments. Please do not delay the subsequent installments!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Iâ€™ve definitely struggled with some of the characterizations so your words are particularly gratifying. Channeling my inner Snape, as my husband likes to say, has not been a problem, however. The story will definitely be catching up with Dumbledoreâ€™s exploits â€śon the other sideâ€ť after the next few chapters. Itâ€™s always so much fun seeing things from a different perspective, I always find.
Wonderful!!!! Thank you for the quick-paced dialogue and interwoven references to Muggle and Magical life. This chapter was certainly worth the wait. Keep up the good work! I hope we see a resolution to Harry and Ginny's relationship one way or another.
Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed. The contrasts between us and them and back again have always been fascinating to me.
I promise that we will get back to Harry/Ginny soon. With as many balls as Iâ€™ve got in the air right now, I hope youâ€™ll understand that I have to keep the story in chronological order as much as I can.