Wow, okay, I'd like to begin by saying it's an absolute crime that this fantastic story only has twelve reviews! I think this as well as "The Secret Life of Scarlet Black" are among my favourite stories I've ever read on this site. It was also interesting to watch how your writing ability progressed as you wrote the two stories. At the very start I remember you were a good writer but some of the details were a bit nebulous and overall the idea didn't seem to original (at the time I was also reading a similar fiction about an adopted daughter of the Tonks family) and I began reading it, a bit skeptical. Now all I have to say is wow! Your writing ability has really shaped up, the plot was wonderfully complex as well as original. One thing is occasionally your details are still a bit nebulous, like when Scarlet plants those thoughts inside Rodolphus's mind- you couldve been a bit clearer that it wasn't actually happening, only in his head.
It was interesting reading about Scarlet Black alongside the story about the other girl, and seeing as what was essentially the same plotline at the beginning completely diverged to create two very different girls with two very different stories.
My favourite thing about Scarlet is that she is REAL. She isn't a Mary Sue at all, like so many of these Alternate Universe OCs tend to be. She didn't have a fancy name, but something short that gave her character and rang true to her feisty nature. She's not devastatingly drop-dead beautiful with every boy at school fawning over her, she's pretty and has relationships with 3 boys in the story. The world doesn't revolve around her, it revolves around Harry like it should (by the way, I loved that part about her having that crush on him in her first or second year!). She's a real person, she has flaws and she isn't all good- she's shades of grey. She's a good person at her heart but she is manipulative and vengeful at times, she has the dark mark and all, not to mention the fact that she helps out former Death Eaters like Draco. Her friendship with the twins was certainly original and the dynamics there were perfect- with her sort of tagging along and trying to be let in, them calling her "Midget" and then Fred finally being in love with her.
One issue I always seem to find in fanfiction is how gratificational and cliched most romance is. Every relationship in your story (platonic or otherwise) felt real, felt different, and felt fresh. Her relationship with Draco was certainly interesting (considering they're quite closely related) and I did like how it started out very lovey dovey (in a good way) and later she's trying to use him to help her become a spy, and he's trying to use her too. Her relationship with Fred could easily have been incredibly fluffy and nauseating to read by how cute and perfect it was, but you pulled if off perfectly. They were deeply in love and their descent into that state was slow and believable. Then when he died, I was able to really feel Scarlet's emotions. Her dependence on the meds, her depression, and the fact that she'd lost the baby really hit me hard and I felt real pain, which is something really rare when i read. Then she finds Charlie and it's not the typical hate-hate then fall in love relationship, it's the hate and then coming to an understanding, THEN falling in love. And through all of that a part of her still loves Fred. I think all the readers have really been rooting for Scarlet, who has had so much hardship in her life, and I know I was doing silent little cheers in my head at the epilogue. Absolutely brilliant.
Wow, only the first chapter and it's off to a brilliant start. I loved your last two stories and I thought you would be done- so you can imagine how excited I was to see you'd published something new! Your writing ability has definitely progressed through all you've written and this first chapter definitely showed that. There was just one thing that caught my attention and it was when you described her going into her vision of Scorpius falling off his broom. It was a bit unclear and i had to read that a few times to actually understand what it meant. I know you really like to use suspense and that aura of mystique in situations like that, but maybe you could've said something to imply that what she was seeing was not actually happening in the real world. What I did like is how you showed the future- I liked how the war is long over, but nothing's really perfect. The icing on the cake to that theme was when James tells Nimbus she could date a Muggle and Nimbus explains to the readers that even though the war was over and everyone says they wouldnt treat Muggles any different, they dont have any Muggle friends. Very realistic, but without being cynical, which is something I've come to love about your writing.
You're off to a great start on this one- I can't wait to read the rest of it.