I really enjoy your stories -- thanks for writing them!
My only real critique is that Malfoy doesn't really feel like the character we knew in the books. I know he's changed and grown up a lot, which I like, but it would help if he spoke more like the Malfoy we knew. For example, in the books he always referred to his parents as "Father" and "Mother" with no possessive pronoun. So in this chapter you could change the text to: "Draco rolled his eyes. 'Father put the protective spells in place around this cove.'" That sounds much more like Malfoy to me.
I've noticed a lot of American (non-British) English in your stories. Would you object to my pointing out British alternatives when I notice them? I'm American, but I've spent a lot of time in the UK and have a good ear for dialogue.
Again, nice work, and thanks for sharing it!
Author's Response: It's been two years since the last book, in the world of this story, so, yes, Draco has changed quite a bit. I'm sorry if he doesn't sound like Draco, though. If you want to point out British alternatives, that would be great. I am American, although my brother lives in London. It's difficult to edit within MuggleNet, though. My system crashes a lot when I try to update things. Thank you for your thoughtful review, Jenny
I like Draco's occasional snide comments and smirks -- that makes him seem more like the character from the books. Definitely don't skimp on his sarcasm. It needn't be mean-spirited like it was in the books, but it's definitely his style of humor.
Author's Response: I am so happy to hear that. I'm trying to keep him snarky so that he doesn't become Mr. Goody Goody, which would be completely unbelieable. It's a fine line, making him sort of likable, but not completely likeable. Thank you for your review, Jenny
Nice work, especially the line: “I would die for this glorious madness.”