Not often is it that I read a Cho/Harry fic, let alone enjoy one! I think the way you opened with that short prophecy was well done; I think that by starting with a prophecy you are immediately hinting to the reader what into happen later in the story. And then the use of Dumbledore’s quote at the end of the prophecy really compounds what and whom you are referring to.
You put a unique perspective on the chapter by telling it from the perspective of Cho’s mother. This lets the reader see quite clearly the family dynamic of a secondary character. We have, of course seen much of the Weasley, Potter, Black and Granger families, and I am extremely happy that we can, at last, see a story through the eyes of someone we have never before met.
The way that Mrs. Chang is wondering about the rumours surrounding the death of Cedric is well written. It is obvious that she knew about the romance between Cedric and Cho. The way that she comforts the broken Cho as she returns home allows the reader to see what happened to Cho during her initial grief over Cedric and not her secondary grief as we saw in OotP.
I really like the way that you write. And I sincerely hope that you do not stop writing this story as I feel that it has a large amount of potential.
another excellent story. James as head boy? surely not!
Reading this first chapter, I had to keep remembering to myself that it was written pre-HBP, but that’s not your fault, it’s mine!
Anyway, onto my review. This was a superb opening chapter, which set up forthcoming chapters perfectly, outlining the back-story of the various characters and showing us where they are, both physically and mentally.
Ginny’s state of mind began to draw me in almost immediately; her fall into depression is rather intriguing, and I hope that in future chapters we will find out more about this sudden change in character. I know that the death of Charlie and the leaving of the trio will have something to do with it, but I hope the deeper motives are explored.
I particularly enjoyed how you off-handedly mentioned that Ron got full marks on his N.E.W.T.’s, usually that is something that gets drawn upon and before you know it two chapters have been taken up with such an unimportant feat in terms of the story’s progression. It was a breath of fresh air to be able to know this, but then to move on afterwards.
I loved the emotion in Ginny when you described her time at the Sorting and Opening feast as being a blur, too much like hard work to even pay attention.
All in all, I found that this chapter was a joy to read and effectively drew me in to reading more… If only to see if Ginny pulls through!
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks! I've received a lot of criticism on this first chapter, even the revised version, thanks for taking a moment to let me know you liked it! It's always a struggle to decide exactly how much backstory to show and what's better left out, I do tend to err on the side of leaving things unsaid. Ginny is the story, so yeah, you'll see more of her motives in later chapters as well as see her deal with her problems. Thanks for reviewing!
another excellent chapter!
yeah, you should continue. the story is excellent
Wow! What a great story. I loved it from beginning to end. Although you did hit upon the cliché of the Heads common room idea, I found a way to work my way around that to appreciate the story for what it was. I particularly enjoyed the way in which you brought Viktor into the mix as a challenge for Draco. This was really well written, particularly when Draco couldn’t initially remember who Viktor was.
The way in which you have written the chapter as almost wholly dialogue I thought was really good, and you changed the style to add more description before the large amount of dialogue became boring.
Although I have some reservations about whether or not Hermione would mention the invisibility cloak to Draco, I can understand that Hermione likes Draco, but I doubt that she would put Draco before Harry. And by using the invisibility cloak for Draco I feel would be betraying Harry, as Draco would be the last person in the world Harry would want to borrow the cloak.
Although I feel as though Ron and Draco would not be having a friendly conversation with each other, I can see the reasoning behind it, so it is not so much of a problem, but is slightly confusing, especially on the first read.
In conclusion, I feel that this story is pretty good, in fact it is one of the best Draco, Hermione fics which I have read in a long while, so hats off to you! And keep up the writing!
i give it nine, and i'm a harsh marker!
I first stumbled across this story purely by accident, and what luck! From beginning to end, the first chapter of this story was absolutely superbly written.
The way you show the different ways of showing grief was superb, the way that Molly tried to make herself busy and put on a strong front only to throw it away at night was excellent. It really tapped into the emotion of the scene.
And then when you mentioned off-hand Arthur’s death to add some more strain on the Weasley family I thought that you pulled off a difficult scene with the utmost pazazz!
Hermione was beautifully IC, her practical nature shone when she decided to put an anti-breaking charm on the fragile items of the house was so Hermione I squealed with joy! That coupled with her mothering of Ron made me jump up and down in my chair and shout ‘Someone can pull of Hermione well’ (I’ve read a load of bad Hermione fics!)
Inside my stomach was jumping for joy when I found out about Harry and Katie! I love this pairing so much, it always seemed so natural to me, and the way in which it was written was also very good, as usually these minor characters are merely what I call ‘Ship Fodder’. By which I mean that they have a short relationship with a major character until the major character ‘notices’ another major character and promptly dumps the minor character. Having not yet read the rest of the fic I seriously hope that this doesn’t happen.
The use of the fake tie to inject some much needed humour into a somewhat heavy chapter was also very well done. It seemed to me to be the perfect point to place it, sandwiched between two grief filled moments; this helped me, as a reader, to take in the heavier parts without being too lumbered down with all the angst.
The wedding itself, I thought was good, not overly descriptive of the scene, which personally I like as it lets the reader take some control over the scene.
The ending was perfect, a natural conclusion which made me want more, but if the whole story ended there I would have walked away contented. Well done on a superb story!
I think that you have a really good style of writing, sometimes humour fics are very difficult to pull off effectively but you have managed it, and I take my hat off to you for that.
I think that the way you parody each of the characters you mention is very well written, playing on each characters weaknesses and exploiting them to the full. I think that this is a style which is not very often used and should be used a lot more as it makes the humour come a lot easier. Of course, there are some characters parodies which I enjoyed much more than others, I particularly enjoyed Harry’s comments about Luna, when he almost begins to cry again. Excellent. People predominantly portray Harry as some kind of staunch hero in fanfics, and to show a lot weaker side of him, and then have Ron mock him about it was terribly well thought out and written!
My one criticism is the large amount of italics you put in your fic does make it a little hard to read in places, but that is a criticism of the presentation, and not the story itself.
I think that the format of the story was good, it’s not often you read stories that are written like an interview and I think that this further hints at your talent for spotting a gap in the market and exploiting it.
Overall, this was a very well written story, and if it wasn’t for the Scavenger Hunt I would never have found it. Please continue your writing as this story was a joy to read from beginning to end.
Author's Response: thank you so much for your awesome review! this story was one of my favorites to write. I wrote a second one to it that was playing off of the profs at hogwarts but I was never able to get it approved, I suppose I shouldn't have given up on it but my school work has bogged me down...perhaps i'll try to fix it and get it up if I can find the time. Thanks again for taking the time to review and point out specific things, it's really helpful and encouraging! =)
SLASH RW/HP (Rated R and AU just in case)
This was such a sweet story. Stories like this are the ones which defy those you say that all slash is sordid and wrong. The style in which you move the characters around the scene is very elegant and I’ve noticed throughout the story that you intrinsically lead the reader through the story without actually pushing them through, almost as if leading them by the hand.
My favourite part of this chapter by far was when Malfoy called Ron Harry’s boyfriend. I think that it was in this moment that you really begin to develop Rons character into a truly thee-dimensional character. Ron knows that what he and Harry are doing could be seen as wrong in many peoples eyes, and seeing that Malfoy inadvertently hit the nail on the head really knocked him for six. I really must congratulate you because of this.
It is my belief that you have a real talent for writing difficult subjects in a way that is easily digestible to even a sceptical reader. I end my review by urging you to carry on writing stories like this, if not for me, or you, but for those people who call same sex pairing fics “Wrong” and “Sick” so that I can sent them to at least one good, well written slash story.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I can't truly express how brilliant your review was to me! And most of all I can't believe you took the time to leave me such a detailed review. Thanks! I take pride in what I write and have continued in my livejournal when I am unable to post on archives because of my rating. I do hope you'll check those out as well...if you are into NC-17 hehe...
When I first looked at this story, I thought ‘Oh, not another repentant Draco story’. You, however, exceeded even my highest expectation I could have imagined when I finished reading!
Your portrayal of Draco was spot on, you showed him exactly as he is portrayed in the book, yet you put your own twist onto it. You show his cowardice, and also you showed a sort of childlike innocent side of the Malfoy persona. A side of him that curses himself for not killing Dumbledore, but also wondered how his life would have changed if he did accept Dumbledore’s offer and join the right side.
I especially enjoyed your image of his defences against Snape’s leglimens as being ‘walls’ which were constantly being broken down by Snape. This was a great way of describing Draco’s seemingly futile efforts to counter his one time mentor.
Snape’s ‘tough love’ which he was giving to Draco I thought was very well written. It showed very clearly that Snape was concerned about Draco’s physical well being, but neglected his mental well being, which seemed to be a very Serverus thing to do.
The conclusion though, seemed to be the icing on the cake of heaven that was this story. It seemed to suggest to me that Snape cared a lot more about Draco than he was letting on throughout the rest of the story.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I'm very concerned with characterization and I have my own "character nazi" to help me out. I'm trying to show Draco as how I've perceived him for all this time and I definitely appreciate the feedback. I hope you'll continue reading. :)
The first part of this second chapter, I found hilarious, where Sirius got up extra early just so he could prepare in advance his pranks for today was ingenious to think up.
The fact that Sirius completely forgot about the Hogwarts letter I thought was a bit out of character and begins to fall into Fred and George territory, which I think you should be careful not to.
You have thought up some ingenious pranks, and the hydro-activated fireworks really do take the biscuit! I snorted milk when I imagined the shock on poor Mr. Lestrange’s face!
Mrs. Black’s anxiousness about the prospect of her son being a squib was also hilarious, the way you portrayed her in a way that shows us, even slightly that she may care for Sirius, either that or she doesn’t want a squib to blacken the name the name of Black.
I liked the hint at Narcissa’s vainness was well done; the unwanted birthday present list was a good twist on an old tradition.
Mr. Black’s obvious favour of Sirius is a delight to read, his frequent clashes with his wife over the treatment of their son, even to the extent of buying him a broom and blatantly breaking the rules in the process could perhaps give us an insight into how fond of his son Mr. Black is. I mean, unashamedly going against Dumbledore is either extremely arrogant or extremely stupid. Taking into account that this is a Black we are talking about, I think that it’s the latter.
The effect that the presence of the Blacks causes with the other wizarding families is well written, however, I feel that the saying “There goes the neighbourhood” is a very American term and don’t think that it would have been said in Wizarding Britain in the mid 1970’s.
Sirius’ family loyalty comes through when he jumps in to protect Regulus against James. I must add that this was an excellent way to get the two introduced!
The callousness of Mr. Black also comes through nicely when, instead of performing the counter curse himself, merely informs the potters that he will pay the St. Mungo’s bill, effectively ending the Potter’s day of shopping in order to prove his point.
And the ending! *claps* Perfectly setting up the Potter/Snape grudge that would carry on for generations!
Author's Response: Wow another long and detailed review ^_^
You're right on that letter. Unfortunately it's too late to change that particular detail. :)
*lol* Its not proper for a lady to demand gifts ^_^ Thus Narcissa's proper way of handling this is to tell that idiotic cousin of her what she doesn't want.
I took that sort of attitude by elaborating on a quote that the Blacks believe themselves to be royalty, so they might be arrogant enough to believe that normal rules does not apply to them. ^_^ Just thought someone as extroverted as Sirius ought to be doted upon as a kid ... although we all know how his relationship with his family ended out to be
Sirius's father is such a meanie ... a true Black.
Thanks for the review ^_^ I'll go correct that quote you pointed out. You're so right on that point.
I thought that this was an amazing chapter. I loved your portrayal of Sirius as the witty prankster. That was excellent; I really liked the mischievous side of Sirius that was only hinted at in the books.
Your portrayal of Regulus, at first, I was slightly apprehensive about because I didn’t see him personally as the whimpering, scared younger brother. However, as the chapter progressed I began to really warm to him.
Bella came across perfectly as the slightly overbearing older cousin, the bane of every young boy’s existence. And Sirius’ vengeance for such a trivial matter was excellent. Truly Sirius!
Narcissa was excellent as a younger version of the HBP self. She was as whiney then as she is now! And the snakes coming out of her hair, a possible foreshadowing of Lucius and Draco? If not then I’m reading too much into it, but if it is then well done on such an excellent little nod to the future!
Onto my favourite character of the fic, Andromeda, (I know it should be Sirius but I just cannot help myself!). I loved her portrayal, for a character that is only ever mentioned and never seen in the books, she is portrayed exactly like I imagined her, and gives us a pretty good reason why she was blasted off of the Black family tree.
The minor characters were also beautifully in character, from the treacherous Kreacher to the evil Mrs. Black. Sirius’ father was also excellently portrayed, giving an air of evilness without actually being overly evil. He is the perfect balance for Mrs. Black.
Now I’ve gone through the cast, let’s talk about the plot!
The story behind this chapter is excellent. Sirius as the prankster and Regulus as his reluctant accomplice was an excellent way to make the relationship with his family clear, but in a light hearted way.
The way in which you introduce us to Sirius’ entire family in one fell swoop was spectacular, and the differing personalities of the characters were marvellously done.
How often is it that a plot line seems to drag in the middle? Too often, that’s how often. This fic, however, doesn’t drag in any place and always keeps the reader wanting more.
Your characters were all wonderfully in character throughout the story and never slipped once. It will be interesting to see how this keeps up when different authors take up the torch.
All in all, there were very few flaws to this story, and none worth pointing out. It was well written throughout and an absolute joy to read. Well done!
Author's Response: Wow another excellent long review and such a great character analysis ... I couldn;t have explained it better.
I wanted a stark contrast between Regulus and Sirius to explain why Mrs. Black prefers her younger child. Thus the brother who's more level headed and afraid to break rules; as compared to the fiery and reckless Sirius.
Glad to here I managed to make Mr. Black the subtly evil character ... I'd be worried if people started to like him *L*
Thanks for the excellent review. Hope you enjoyed the next chapter as well. As for the next author, I'm sure AOPT will do well. ^_^
~the nutty imp~
I really enjoy this style of writing, not only because it appears to flow a lot more fluidly than most, but because the style is so different from what I am used to so it was a joy for me to read. Of course, wondering into this new style I am but a child, so cannot technically say what you did right or, indeed, wrong with that style. All I can give is my honest opinion, and in my opinion, it was one of the easiest reading stories I have read. Not even once did I come close to wanting the story to end, nor did I scroll sown the fic, skipping out sections which could have made the eyes turn weary. Well done for an enthralling story!
As a big fan of Cedric’s, I m delighted that there is a story out there that really does him justice. I am also enthralled by the way you chose Hermione to be Cedric’s “Partner” in the story, taking into account that they barely met in the actual story it is quite an unusual choice, but very original and I like it! Tired am I of reading fic after fic of Cedric/Cho and crying out for at least a little originality. You have saved my sanity and I thank you!
The emotion in which you pour into Hermione’s character is beautiful, the reader can really feel that there is a hole felt in Hermione’s person and that is a very difficult thing to achieve! Well done!
I also enjoyed the description of Cedric’s breath being carried by the wind, that is an excellent piece of imagery and I must again congratulate you on that.
I conclusion I look back over this review and wish that somewhere I could have put in some criticism, but alas, I cannot. I enjoyed the story too much therefore criticising it would be lying. Well done, and please write more stories like this!