Hi, I'm CA. I used to be a college student studying (in a loose sense of the word) Genetics and Biotechnology with a minor in Music. Now I'm a part-time secretary with no delusions of grandeur whatsoever.
I am an avid reader. Sometimes I write. Other preferred activities include playing piano, dancing, singing, and generally loving life.
I'm a member of Hufflepuff House. One of those "we'll take the lot" cases more than hard work or loyalty, I'm afraid.
Before I started writing fanfiction seriously, I hated romance. I wouldn't even read it here. Then I discovered Other Pairings and I've unleashed a great power of fluff. I hope you enjoy my work. Feel free to drop me a review if you get the notion.
My favorites right now are "We Need All the Allies We Can Get" and "Catchphrase." "Gratification and Justification" has its moments. "Don't Get Caught" is my one featured story.
*clacks fingers evilly* How many mods are you going to put into this story? *realizes that the "clacking" of her fingers is making very little impression, so ceases*
I felt that this chapter served mainly two purposes: to introduce (and vilify) Paul the Gryffindor, and to start thinking about Remus the werewolf.
And speaking of Remus the werewolf ... for lack of other information, I am forced to assume that he and Kim are sneaking out every once in a while to discover broom closets. Just kidding.
One tiny nitpick, Peter whispers "You don't think she's a werewolf, do you?"
I think you might mean "he" instead. It totally caught me off guard and made me wonder where the conversation had fled (I thought it might have fled to Nat, or maybe Kim). So yeah. Watch for that. :)
This is so fun to read. Quite enjoyable. I do hope you continue. Have a nice day! *D*
Author's Response: I\'m putting as many mods as possible into the story. It\'s going to be choc full of them. As for the she/he thing, i meant she. Peter was referring to Remus\'s sick Aunty. He was asking if perhaps the aunty was a werewolf. Work has already started work on chapter 6 and it shouldn\'t be too long until it\'s with you.
Strange series of events that I would like to share with you. I glanced at it and did a double-take at the summary. Kimberly Cura?! From the Phillippines?! Hold on! And then of course I saw who the author was and everything clicked. So I clicked. It's a cute story so far. I liked how the girls were still attractive even with soot all over their faces. And how they all ended up in Hufflepuff. Nice touch. Wonder why you chose that house.
Anyway, just thought I'd tell you that I think this story, while obviously completely AU, is pretty cute. I can't wait to see if there will be more. Have a nice day! *D*
I thought you may have given up on this story; I’m glad to see it is at least alive. This chapter was very good. It showed James, Sirius, and Peter finding out about Remus’ lycanthropy in a different way than we usually see. It made for a very tense situation, with them insisting that he tell them what was up and him being frightened but of course he had to tell them otherwise they wouldn’t leave in time.
The rest of the chapter was only lacking in Kim and her buddies. James’ goofy grin was pretty nifty once I figured out what he was grinning about. Peter’s behavior after he won the Gobstones game was a good characterization, too, I thought. Sirius was just funny (especially when he was trying to figure out what was happening with Remus).
A few nitpicks...in the second paragraph “furore” should be “furor.” In the first paragraph, “A game that Peter was easily winning, he was quite the tactician.” isn’t quite a complete sentence; you might consider tacking it on to the previous sentence or adding a noun or two to make it complete.
Um, yeah. I like this story and I can’t wait to see it progress, so don’t give up all yet! Have a nice day! *D*
A story this good, Jenna, deserves more reviews. I don’t know if I can do this tale credit with my review – in fact, I know I can’t – but I’m going to try.
I loved the first three paragraphs; they illustrate so clearly what Ron’s friends meant to him, and also how lost he is without them. I like the second paragraph especially – what excellent imagery! (Note: nitpick in this paragraph later on.) You do a great job with letting us see and feel how lost and apathetic Ron is. I was shocked, actually, that his grief was so acute. I suppose at this point it didn’t matter to him whether or not he died at this point, forsaken as he was.
Luna was perfect. The way you introduced her was just amazing. My favorite line about her was Secrets you’ll never learn because even if someone told you, you’d never believe. Because isn’t that just what Luna’s about, in general? But the thing I like best about this line is that it makes Luna more than just a loon. She holds wisdom so deep that you can never fully understand her, and in this story we begin to scratch the surface of her depth.
You can tell Ron doesn’t understand her at the beginning when he’s preparing himself for another theory worthy of a tabloid magazine. (Love that line, by the way.) But she surprises him, doesn’t she? And it’s just like her to know what she’s not supposed to. But “her eyes are wide, and she sees everything.” (By the way, another one of my favorites: truth where there is none, possibilites that others have overlooked. Because it’s really good, mainly. Good Luna characterization and all.)
Luna counts his freckles. She counts the stars, too. And what does she do with the stars but wish for his freckles? I love Luna. Her roundabout, slightly ... eccentric way of getting to where she’s headed – telling Ron to start living again – is uplifting and heartwarming to read. You made her craziness so romantic (not to copy Pat’s review or anything). I love Luna, and I especially love the Luna you wrote.
“Would you rather have never known them than to have loved them and lost them?” Ron was expecting something along those lines. He’s thought about this before, I could tell, because he was expecting it. His refusal to think, to remember, is enough of an answer, I believe.
*sigh* I just really like this story. I don’t know how much more I can say without feeling obligated to go through every sentence since I’ve already done the rest, so maybe I should just stop here and get on with my nitpicks. ;)
Nitpick #1: Second paragraph, second sentence. “He only knows it’s still moving...”
Nitpick #2: Seventh paragraph from the end, third sentence. “...and he cries and he feels he’d rather burn in Hell than feel this pain....”
Nitpick #3: Fifth paragraph from the end, first sentence. “...and she’s still smiling that sad, smile.” Yeah, that comma? I would delete it if I were you. But, ‘tis your choice, the story is not at all diminished by these little details, it’s just because I turned on the typo catcher and combed your story that I found them at all.
I think maybe this is one of my favorite stories. It is very poignant and sweet. *sigh* I told myself I wouldn’t talk any more about it, so I’ll stop, but I love it anyway. Have a nice day, dear.
I’ll confess right now that I read this story when it first came out and didn’t understand it at all. I was very much in Ginny’s position. However, I have been thinking about it lately and may have a handle on it. In the end you, through Hermione, finally made it clear to me, though I am vaguely curious who it was about – not enough to pester you, though, so have no fear.
You’re always so good at communicating emotion; I could clearly feel Hermione’s grief and Ginny’s bewilderment (possibly Ginny’s better, because I was so confused). When Hermione blazed out at Ginny, I could feel the heat from her eyes. Your choices of words in both description and dialogue were very good in this story.
Speaking of word choice, the repetition of the colors – brown, black, white, grey – was an interesting touch and did a really good job of showing how Hermione felt about Lavender. She wasn’t evil, she wasn’t good, not anymore than Hermione, being a human girl just the same, was evil or good. I liked that you made Hermione seem more human than we usually think of her.
This is a short review. I’m sorry. All I have more to offer you at this time is a nitpick that you may very well disagree with: I don’t think it’s "mousey" I think it’s "mousy." However, do with that what you will. I still think you’re a great writer and I like it when I see you’ve updated, because even before you were my SPEW Buddy (*huggle*) I read all your stories.
Author's Response: A \"short review\"? We SPEWers seem to have rather warped ideas of \'short\'... almost as warped as college professors\' :-P
Honestly, it really means something to me that you read this story and took the time to try to understand it. It deals with very conflicted emotions, and it\'s hard to grasp, whether due to my writing or to the subject matter, I\'m not sure.I think you may be right about mousey/mousy; I\'ll have to go look it up. Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful review! *huggles*
Now, normally I don't read slash, but the title reminded me of a certain Broadway play I went to see last week so I decided to click on it.
Too bad I'm not in Ravenclaw.
And besides the fact that it wasn't that shippy, I really quite enjoyed this fic. I think that you did a pretty good job of talking about how Remus would've felt betrayed and stuff (even if he weren't gay).
Also a nice interpretation of the song - which, probably, will be running around in my head for a while, all one line I know: "It's Easy."
Author's Response: *loves on you for not giving show title away* What are you sorted into? It wasn\'t supposed to be TOO shippy. What\'s nice and kinda easy about writing the two of them is that they do have the longest relationship and the deepest from the lot of them. I mean, James and Sirius were best friends in school, but then James died, and everyone thought that Peter did. And then when he escaped and they discovered Peter alive, there was over a decade of catch up time and then two more years together. There\'s just SO much time and levels of friendship and maturity to work with, from eleven years old to thirty six. (Which, you know, also makes it such a great ship.) So glad you enjoyed it and think that it stays true to the song, which, mind, was driving me insane for two weeks or so until I penned this. Thanks so much!
What a clever little story! The last sentence was my favorite by far. I also like what atkarid said, how Isla lost the evilness crown at the end when Tom stole the tiara and killed her. He had no reason, while she wanted revenge. There were a lot of good ties to the HP universe here, like how “Potter” was killed for being too much of a Muggle-lover. It must be a family failing.
So when you described Tom as surveying the Malfoy Manor “greedily” it made me wonder if he’d only come there to find an artifact of Ravenclaw’s. Helping Isla be a nasty little girl, could that have been an excuse to get there? That is what I’m sort of wondering.
Just one little thing that I might consider changing: your first sentence. I think I would rearrange it so that it would be: “It was impossible for even a blind man to overlook Malfoy Manor.” It’s just a tad confusing the way it is right now. Other than that, it’s quite well-written and very engaging.
Have a nice day! *D*
Author's Response: Wow, CA, what a wonderfully long review! Thanks, dear! Regarding the comment you made on Isla, well, she isn\'t exactly \"evil\" but maybe a little nasty, but basically she was humiliated and so wanted revenge but Tom was rotten from the beginning, and so Isla lost the evilness crown. And Tom surveying the Malfoy Manor greedily was intentional because all he wanted to do with that place was to get the tiara from Isla and he could go easily on the pretext of selling the cupboard to her. And I\'ll change that first sentence ASAP. Thanks again for the superb review! You rock!
The first part is great! The second part is a little confusing, but let me talk about the first part for a bit before I get into that.
I loved the Remus/Lily goodness. I wish there could have been a little more of it - it seemed like after he lost himself in thoughts of her he forgot about it. Which is okay; the whole beginning is obviously his random thoughts and musings.
I like the Marauder's Map little meme too. It's when we get to James' letter that I got a little confused . . .
The letter itself is fine, besides the fact that I'm not sure why it was written in the first place, but the whole Remus/Sirius fight just seems a little ... odd. I didn't understand who was accusing whom at first. Also, it seems a little unlike Sirius to be so quick to suspect Remus.
And the rest ... is history.
I love how you set this up. Nostalgia, confusion ... the emotions Remus is feeling are very well represented. When I clicked on this story it was marked incomplete - I think that it could work as a one-shot, but if you've got more coming that's okay too.
It's still worthy of being published on MNFF. Don't be silly. Have a nice day! *D*
This was a nice little story. I liked the way you wrote Old Ivor coming to terms with Jon leaving him like Ian did. Of course it would be hard for him, but it was the right thing to do, I’m sure of it.
Interesting that Dumbledore himself came to talk Ivor into letting him come; that man knows (or is it, now, knew?) so much, and cares so much about each individual – you could tell he was sorry that Ian had died in the war, but that he still wanted the best for Jon and for Ivor as well. I mean, how would the old man feel if he refused to let his boy go?
The part when Jon told his grandfather he didn’t want to leave him alone (or when Dumbledore told him so) was one of the best parts; Jon seems a very solid, loyal, loving boy. I would put him in Hufflepuff if I were to Sort him.
I liked the gossips; you did a good job with those. Ivor was [i]very[/i] odd, to me, hiding his money and watching people moodily. I might have reacted in much the same way as the gossips.
Let’s see...I have no nitpicks or flypicks or mosquitopicks at this time, your story was very good in that respect. I know it’s just a one-shot, but I still look forward to hearing more about this little family, if possible.
Have a nice day! *D*
Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, CA! I\'m glad you liked the gossips, because those were what worried me - I figured they might make it dragged... ~bL
I think it only fitting for me to review the story that caused me to owe you a review in the first place. Don’t you?
You write Hermione very well, and the prize at the end is completely fitting. It reminds us that even though Hermione is amazing and all that, she’s still insecure sometimes and desperately needed the reassurance that she was ready to fight with her friends.
Hermione was a really good character for this activity, and you maximized the opportunity; all of the little memories that you had were well placed and very likely what she would have thought of in that instance. The knitting spell was my favorite – the sort of “so there” attitude she had was very fetching.
I’d have to agree with Pat that the boggart seems a little out of place. I’m amused by the thought of the hedge rustling and Professor McGonagall appearing, as well as Draco Malfoy in a dress. But it works well enough; since we know that it was Hermione’s boggart before. To make it a little more believable I might have liked to see more fear, hopelessness, stuff.
Just found out Lian is also reviewing this. I’m going to finish first, you just watch.
Twice in this story you mention the Shrinking Solution, but you have it in different years; either 2nd or 3rd year. Which is it? I think it might be a little redundant to go into such detail both times, personally. Maybe the second time around you can have her recall the garden and stuff, with a thought to that memorable Potions lesson.
I thought the Sphinx part was very clever on your...part, even though the beginning bore a distinct resemblance to Harry’s experience in the maze. That only makes sense, however, because how different can sphinxes be if they’re stuck in a maze? I liked how you confused her, too. Logic is one of Hermione’s high points and you showed it quite well.
Sort of wish I knew who had made the maze, but you can’t have everything in life. To illustrate that fact, I refuse to give you a proper ending to the review (possibly to try and beat Lian, but that’s a secret).
Have a nice day.
Hey, CA, I\'m really glad you reviewed my story, especially since it was the one to cause you to owe me a review. It really made me happy that you thought I had done Hermione so well since that is really what I was trying to do throughout the maze.
As I said in my response to Pat\'s review, I can definitely see how the bit with the boggart was a little odd. But, it was what came to mind in the time I had to send it in to the person passing out the tasks.
As for the Shrinking Solution, I\'ll have to go back and look at that so I can adjust it. You\'re right, I probably shouldn\'t go into that much detail twice as that can make a story redundant and boring. Thanks for pointing it out.
I really enjoyed your review, and I\'m happy you liked my story!
Seeing as this is one of my favorite stories and I’ve never reviewed it and I’m sort of scrambling, this is a marvelous time for me to review.
First of all, I love the character you’ve created here. Sarah is smart, ambitious, tall (gotta love tall girls), and a Squib. Now, I know you didn’t make her a Squib entirely of your own volition, but the way you portrayed it was great. And being a reporter is a perfect job for her.
I also think you got Percy spot on. I wish you had him answer the question about his family, but of course I can see why you didn’t. It’s better to leave some things to the imagination, and you got the rest of it right.
The Chocolate Explosion sounds just as delectable as ever, and I still love their interchange right before they get it. In fact, I would have to say that the interaction between Percy and Sarah is my favorite bit of the whole story. Except for the part where she leans up to kiss him. But that’s just me thinking how I could never do that. It works all right in the story, I guess. For a brazen gal like Sarah.
I don’t know what your original ending was (except that it was all happy and stuff) but I do know that I like this ending better. I think Shanae’s review reinforces that. You do sort of know all this already but it’s nice to be reminded after a few months that yes you do have talent as an author.
You don’t know this next part, though, because I never told you. You see, it’s a nitpick. Third and fourth sentences. The first has an ‘it’ as the subject. The next has a ‘they’. Something doesn’t quite match. Are we being picky? Perhaps. But, like you, I like to relish in the machinations of the words. [/being mean]
Good story. Since I am scrambling I won’t bother to go in too deeply about ... everything. But I will say I love it and I love you too. Have a nice day! *D*
Yeah. I like this story better every time I read it. Which has been a few times by now. I especially like the interplay between the three main characters – Neville, Skit, and Farrah.
I like how we find out just how Neville views Skit right away – she’s intimidating and hard and emotionless. But even from the beginning he senses that there’s something more to her; he just can’t figure it out. It takes the introduction of a third character to show him the sort of girl Skit is. Neville also changes as a result of Farrah.
Skit’s characterization is great. I like how she’s obviously a Slytherin – she frightens Neville, laughs when he falls down, and knows how to get what she wants (i.e. Object Barrier Charm). But it’s also clear that she isn’t that bad at all; she really cares about Farrah. And sometimes we get a little tiny glimpse of someone truly sensitive underneath.
Farrah, as an animal, doesn’t really have character to analyze – she’s just a nice playful animal. But her effect on Neville and Skit it clearly visible and it changes their relationship with each other as well. Something about loving the same creature makes a bond between them.
The section headings reflect Neville’s changing perspective. First it’s “The Slytherin.” Then “The Tadfoal.” Then, simply, “The Girl.” I really like that.
I don’t have any particular grammar nitpicks but I just saw something a little strange. In the last paragraph or so, Neville and Skit are making their way back to Hogwarts and the trees are going by “in a blur.” They’d have to be going pretty fast for that to happen, unless you mean that his turmoil of mind is making them blurry. You might consider making that more clear. Or not. It’s not a big thing.
It’s so hard to say all I want to on this. I really like it. It’s an engaging little story. And, yeah. It’s nice. *feels herself going in circles* I guess I ought to just tell you to have a nice day, Ashley, and run away before I can’t get out of this hole I’ve dug. Have a nice day! *D*
Oh PS I like the way you characterize Neville too. With the allergies and stuff...you did a good job on him. I forgot.
Choosing a Ginny/Draco ship as the basis for a sensual ballroom dancing scene was probably the best choice; they traditionally have the dynamic that works well with dancing, and you took advantage of it very well in this fic.
I will admit to liking this version a lot better than the original one I saw – there is more explanation of the reason they got together in the first place which, as in any fanon ship, is necessary to the coherence of a fic. I even think there could be a little more of it; naturally the original relationship is not the focus, but all we get in this story is that it was based on lust.
I particularly like the fourth paragraph – the imagery is very nice in the first sentence. The little interchange at the end – including the contrast between warmth and chill – is also a part I like. You have real potential as a writer and I love you (just so at the end you don’t think I hate you, you know).
A few nitpicks, etc. This is an example of a couple instances I found: Ginny breathed in deeply as Draco began to move, she followed him in perfect succession. Instead of the comma, an “and” would be better used. Another example... When their eyes met his gaze almost tore her apartIt was so fierce, so strong, as his eyes glared into her own. The second sentence just doesn’t make grammatical sense. Perhaps if you combined the two and maybe even got rid of the “glaring” part, though it qualifies just what is fierce and strong...I don’t know. I’m not doing so well at this whole suggestion business. How about you say “When their eyes met his glaring gaze almost tore her apart; it was so fierce, so strong.” However, that is just a matter of opinion for clarity, you can do as you choose.
Finally, I would like to bring up a bit about the actual dancing part. I don’t pretend to know anything about the Argentine Tango, but I still would like to suggest, if you haven’t already, closing your eyes and imagining the moves as you have them written. There are a couple places where I can no longer follow what position they are in, though you are describing it. A few phrases like “facing him” or “looking over his shoulder” would help a lot. *is vague* In your defence, probably very few people will actually be paying too much attention to the actual movements of the dance, as they will rightly be paying attention to Ginny’s thoughts and the feelings that Draco arouses in her. I’m just an anal dancer like that.
I think you have Ginny’s character down pretty well in this and while Draco doesn’t feature very largely, what we see of him is pretty good too. It’s a nice little story. Have a lovely day, Anna dear!
Author's Response: *huggles to death* Thank you for the absolutely lovely review, dear. I\'m so glad that you liked it and will look onto those aforementioned sentences when I get the time. Again, love, thank you so much! *grins and hugs*
You did a wonderful job really examining and analyzing the love of Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore. I really think that’s the way their relationship was, and I applaud you muchly for getting it so right.
I also think you did a good job with your ... similes, metaphors, general diction, etc. When you describe the loss of Dumbledore as “a solid wall that crumbled, a limb lost, a crutch gone,” etc, that was really powerful and made it clear just how much Minerva missed him. And just the right kind of missing, too. No lust in leaning against a wall.
The situations you put the two of them in, too, really illustrate the mentor-like status Dumbledore had with Minerva. And (this is just me being a canon freak) I liked that you were careful to make McGonagall become a teacher in December. Because that is when she started. It was a little weird that Dippet, who was an old man anyway, had to be murdered by his son, but it was a nice contrivance.
I do have a couple little picky things to mention about this story. First up is it’s actually “A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love.”
The first paragraph was mostly good, I would just get rid of one word to really get your point across. (My favorite part is the Ancient Runes expert part, incidentally.) You said that the expression on her face was “neither a smile or a frown,” but then when you describe the way her lips curved, you mention it as a “smile.” I would probably change that to “her lips curved vaguely.”
In the next paragraph, that comma right before the parantheses is unnecessary.
And since that’s been a couple little picky things, I shall now stop being picky. Because really, good stories like this don’t need an awful lot of nitpicks. And you really got across the message of your story quite well, and that’s the important thing.
*hug* Miss you. Have a nice day!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks for reviewing, dear! And for pointing out those typos; I\'ll fix it asap. :)
Okay. So I go to review this and realize that every single sentence is beautiful. How does one review that? I have no nitpicks whatsoever. This review will be unadulterated praise of the lovely Nan who can weave words in a way that makes me want to weep for their beauty.
Let’s start with the first sentence/paragraph. A queer sort of grace. What superb imagery that is, especially coupled with the crumbling facade and the qualifiers in the dashes (agreement with Eliza that dashes are love). It sets the stage for the rest of the fic beautifully. It is with a queer sort of grace that Percy’s thoughts unfold, methinks.
It’s true; Percy has always prided himself on exactness, which is making things difficult for him. He can no longer justify the justification of his actions in light of what he now knows. I love how we somehow know exactly where Percy is feeling this without you ever coming right out and saying it. The power of inference is strong.
The trouble was that it had been so easy, so simple to set up a spectrum as harsh and unyielding as the black and white squares of the Ministry floor, a spectrum with only two categories — those who were working for the Ministry (for the country, for the people, for the sake of all that’s good) and those who were working against it. This is one of my favorite lines. It combines the theme of black and white/light and shadow and what we know of Percy and his loyalty to the Ministry.
He kisses her heedless of the people milling around him, his coworkers drowning in the shambles of their beliefs (though there is a twisted sort of satisfaction in the fact that they were all wrong together). He can feel her body pressing against his own, can feel himself flowing into her. He wonders vaguely if kissing is the purest form of Legilimency and if through the kiss they can become one body, one soul. First of all, it struck me how unlike Percy – who was always so pompous and proper – to kiss her heedless of everyone else around him. For him, what other people think, especially in relation to him and his ambition, has always been foremost. The phrase “drowning in the shambles of their beliefs” is also powerful to me. This is definitely what Percy is going through, and the “twisted satisfaction” that he, and perhaps all of them, feel(s) [stupid grammar] is not enough to assuage the terrible turmoil inside them. I like that he “wonders vaguely.” I don’t know why. It just seems to me so SPEWly. I wonder if this line is what prompted the sudden rash of vague wondering that infected SPEW for a short while; I bet it was. The content of his wondering is also very nice; I don’t believe I’ve ever been kissed in such a manner that would prompt this sort of thinking, but it’s very romantic and a powerful thought. To skip ahead to the end, when Penelope cuts him short with a simple “I know,” it makes one wonder (vaguely) if some sort of Legilimency has occurred, or if the kiss is symbolic of the relationship that allows her to know him so well.
Percy’s childhood musings about what being an adult meant, and when it all became black and white – for it seemed to him, once, his parents did see things that way – were very thought-provoking and powerful. He knew more than he let on. He saw more through those horn-rimmed glasses than one would expect; one of my favorite lines is Percy, watching Uncle Bilius refill his glass again and again, realized that perhaps some people never learn, and so he ate the apples and was sick in silence, ashamed of his own imperfection.
I remember when you were writing this fic and you were trying to find a girl that it would seem plausible for Percy to be paired with. I am so glad you chose Penelope. As such a minor character, you can build her any way you want and you chose to make her the “realest person he has ever met.” They also have a clear history you can build from, and you certainly do. When he wonders if this is what being an adult means, “these tentative movements, first towards people and then away,” it is poetry and it’s nice to reference back when we know they were together. Any other character you may have chosen wouldn’t have had that.
His apology to her is lovely, and how she knows that he is struggling to say “thousands” of words that will prove to her how much he appreciates her and her sweet reality. And her sweet smile that silences him...it is love. Can I say that? It’s pure love, what you’ve written. The taste of forgiveness apple-sweet on his lips is a good line too.
Perhaps this is what it means to be an adult, this uncertainty and acceptance, regret and understanding. Perhaps it is. Nonetheless, this philosophical conclusion Percy has drawn from his kiss with Penelope is the perfect conclusion to the story itself. The little apple-sweetness at the end that I know I mentioned before is like the light dusting of sugar on lemon bars or something. It just makes it more perfect than ever. This whole story is ... not perfect, for nothing ever is, but it’s closer to perfect than I could ever attain, and so I look up to you and fangirl you like whoa. And that’s all I have to say at this time. Have a most lovely day, dearest Nan.
Author's Response: Getting emotions across without ever explicitly stating them is something I\'ve been focussing on a lot in my writing, and I\'m thrilled that you think I did it well. I\'m not sure about the Legilimency - it was a line that just popped into my head and I went with it, on the grounds that Percy is feeling extremely vulnerable and extremely transparent, and hes also afraid that Penelope is going to finally see him for who he really is and dislike that person; hence he\'s in some way afraid that if he gets close to her, she\'ll see through him. Or something. As for pairing him with Penelope, the reason I didn\'t want to was that I don\'t like the tendency of fandom to assume that because they were together in school, and because she\'s the only girl we ever see him with, therefore they must end up in a lasting relationship. The reason I ended up going with it was because the story is not about the relationship, it\'s about Percy, and I wanted to have as minimal explanation devoted to the pairing as possible - I\'m glad you thought it was a good choice. Thanks!
On the eve of her wedding, Alana wonders if she did the right thing by choosing Severus Snape over her parents. One shot.
Hi. :) You did a great job showing Alana’s indecision in this story. She’s already made her choice, but she’s doubting, and we can definitely tell. This story also seems to fit neatly in with your other one, with Rosina Black. However, if I hadn’t known that, I would have been wondering the whole time which Lily it was, and who these characters were. Since I did know, it wasn’t much of an issue.
It was a little confusing at the beginning because you switched from present tense to past tense after a few paragraphs. I wondered if the first bit was like a journal entry because it sounded like one. I’d suggest making everything in past tense as that seems to be the easiest tense for most to understand.
One other little nitpick: I spent ten minutes, wriggling over the bed.... That comma is unnecessary.
I really liked the Alana/Severus dynamic. He didn’t seem too out of character to me (though any Severus in love is a little shocking). One thing I’d love to see more of is how they met, why Alan’s parents dislike him so much, and just the build-up of their romance. The wedding (good idea on that, by the way) was nice, but it would be even better to see more. I hope you consider making a prequel or something to this story, as that would be really good to see.
Have a nice day! (Oh, and happy late birthday.) *D*
Author's Response: Aw, CA, thanks very much for reviewing and the birthday wish! And about the present tense, the thing is I tried to write it in present tense at first but then changed my mind half-way through, so apparently, didn\'t change all the verbs properly. >.> I\'ll look into that, thanks, and I\'m gonna put an A/N about how it fits in with the other one. And a prequel, is planned, yes; it\'s still in the making. Thanks again, for your review! You made my day. :D
I remember reading this story on your LJ a while ago. I’m glad you decided to post it to MNFF because it’s a sweet little story. The banter between Cedric and Hermione, while perhaps not in quite in character for Hermione as we often see her in the books, is just lovable.
The way you interpreted the prompt was pretty original, too – at least, I thought so. The fact that all these boys see different things in Hermione, but somehow Cedric sees the real her (or at least something captivating) was nice. Because of you I’ve been a closet Cedric/Hermione shipper for a while now.
The flashbacks work really well with the present tense at the Yule Ball, I think. And the part at the end where he admits that he really wanted to ask her and they dance was possibly my favorite. Possibly not. But I like the idea that this is what happened after she stormed away — after all, we don’t really know what happened. I like your versatility in scenes; you showed what happened after she stormed away Viktory style and now it’s...Cedric/Hermione style.
Any corrections I might make are a matter of your personal style, so I wouldn’t ask you to change that and even if it were important you probably wouldn’t, so...I curb my natural tendency to nitpick in respect of that.
And PS: In case it wasn't clear, I like this story and I'm glad you're posting things to MNFF again. And now I'm done being random-like and wandery and disturbing your fragile peace.
This story was really good. Quite incredible, actually. You made Fred Weasley becoming a Death Eater almost believable. The ... I’m not sure if it was the images, the description, or what, but I really felt like I understood Fred’s life. The constant references to George were probably the best part of whatever it is I’m trying to describe. It was quite shocking to find out that while we knew from the very start that he was doing this for George, it wasn’t for him, as if he were avenging him. It was to pay him back. Incredible.
The part where Bill talks to Fred was very powerful and almost convincing. (Yeah, I keep using the word ‘almost’. That’s because even as good as this was I still couldn’t quite see it but don’t know what to say to fix that so it won’t be brought up again.) It was a good shock to find out that Bill was a Death Eater too, though they seemed to be in it for slightly different reasons.
The theme...more than one way to destroy a man...was very well illustrated, I thought. It’s an interesting thought. True, too, and the way you presented it didn’t necessarily preach about it. It just stated it and proved it. A good tactic for papers, perhaps? (Don’t listen to me about that. *fails English*)
Possibly my favorite thing you did in this story was the riddle, and how you used the riddle in the retrieval obstacle. It was...it was a nice touch. And having it be Angelina that had it and that he had to kill was perfect for the way you were building it up with George and all.
Okay. Nitpicks. Just for your information, since I am a lazy author and thus expect everyone else to be lazy too and not go back and fix the mistakes I note. Right after the Dark Lord asks what special services he can give to the Death Eaters, there is an “it’s” that must needs become an “its” if the grammar nazis of the world will ever be pleased. A couple paragraphs down, where “he said what?” There’s an italics code you need to shut. In the paragraph before the riddle, there’s another “it’s”...incidentally, the diligo donatus is a nice touch...
Overall, the writing style on this fic is really good. The emotions are well described and the overall tone of the fic is pleasing in a dark, terrible sort of way. And...that’s all for now. Have a nice day! *D*
Author's Response: *hugs* Thank you so much for this lovely review, Leslie! I can\'t say how much it means to me how that it was almost believable. I felt that the references to George were important, as he is such an important part of Fred\'s life - and that\'s what made it hurt so much more.
I am so glad you liked how it wasn\'t \'for\' George in the conventional sense, as that was a part I really enjoyed writing - however awful it was for all the characters involved. Yes - Bill was in it for different reasons, but I quite liked how all these different experiences happened to everyone, and how they all dealt with it.
I\'m glad you liked the riddle, as I remember that took quite a while to come up with and connect to everything. But how ironic that it was Angelina - I wonder if things would have been different if it had been someone else? *giggles* I forget sometimes that I wrote this! So I guess I should know... Merci for the nitpicks - I\'ll try to go and change them when I get a minute - but likely as not that\'ll be another year or so!
Thank you so, so much for this lovely review, I\'m so glad that you enjoyed this fic and it\'s dark, terrible tone - as that\'s exactly as it should be. Thank you!
Philbert, Toaster, Turnip, and Tiramisu?
I too must add my appreciation of the names chosen there. Also, I find that this is a very well-done parody. I don't really believe that Hagrid would've flown up to give Harry advice but with regards to the actual poem that it's a spoof off of that's probably the best choice.
For it being a poem, Harry was characterized pretty well, I have to say. Good luck on the challenge and all!
Have a nice day! *D*
Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for reading this poem and leaving such a nice review!I really appreciate the compliment on Harry. I\'m so glad you liked the hippogriff names - it is such fun to see forum members come by and pick up on that little bit! *Of course* Hagrid would never fly up to give Harry advice - he\'s way too big for a hippogriff, and his romantic advice is really a bit sketchy. ;o) Like you said - it\'s a parody, all in fun! I\'m glad you liked it, it was fun to work with this particular piece. Thanks again for reading it and leaving such a lovely review!! ~Gina :)
This story was very lovely. A nice tale of Angelina choosing to follow her heart after all the plans are set. My favorite part was when Alicia came (even though there’s an extra word or two in her welcome you might want to look out for) because she’s the one that really catalyzed the whole thing. Angelina might have gone into a marriage she would have regretted if it weren’t for the serendipitous arrival of her old school friend. It made me laugh when Angelina and Andreas had only been dating for six months when they got engaged, because honey, where I’m from, six months is almost entirely a shoo-in that you’re gonna get married. But I realize that I’m sort of in the minority here.
I liked when Fred came, even though I could feel Angelina’s discomfort at the whole notion. Angelina’s reasons for marrying Andreas are justifiable but begin to seem so weak in comparison to Fred’s insistence that there’s love. It made me think. That’s a good thing for a story to do. And you're a third of the way to your goal now ;)
Author's Response: *SQUEE* Thank you so much for this amazing review, Leslie! *huggles* Hehe, yes, 6 months is pretty much a guarentee here, too, but this was set in England in the past, and I don\'t know anything about that, so I just guessed a time-range. *giggles* Thanks for your comments, and glad you liked it!