Penname: Obsidian-Dragon [Contact]
Real name: Matt
Member Since: 06/04/11
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Reviews by Obsidian-Dragon
 

The End of Her World by DarkSunflower
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 13]

Summary:

"Love is the sweetest of dreams, and the worst of nightmares."

- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

 

In short, this is the end of Book Seven, the end of Voldemort's rein.

 

From Ginny Weasley's perspective.

 

Note: This is a one-shot!



Categories: Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 2368 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/21/11 Updated: 05/31/11


Reviewer: Obsidian-Dragon Signed
Date: 06/04/11 Title: Chapter 1: The End of Her World

I like how well you focused on Ginny as a character and her reactions to the events around, yet still detailing the physical aspects happening without going to extreme lengths. It all balanced out nicely.

Something I found bothersome though was your overuse of commas. Yes I can see you wanted to make it more dramatic and have us read it in your head as you thought it should be read, but they sort of break up the sentence flow at parts. You remind me of myself back in middle school actually, since I used to do that a lot in my writing back then. My 8th grade teacher helped me fix it though and my writings started to flow better and better... or so he told me.

Broken down though, writing is mainly about making a story pleasing to yourself and then [maybe] thinking about others afterward. If you want to say "but I love the comma key!" then go ahead and continue using them if you please. I guess it really isn't that big of a deal when you look at the core o' things since the story itself is still one of the top fan-fics I've ever read :P

Author's Response:

Yes, as I was writing this I had my lovely, handy-dandy copy of DH next to me on my desk. I figured that while she was vaguely aware of what was going on, she clearly wouldn't know many specifics.

About the commas, I know exactly what you mean. I've been struggling with that taunting little button since middle school. Believe it or not, I'm getting better! I promise I'll continue to try and improve. :)

Thank you very much for leaving a review! It really means a lot that you would stop and take the time to leave one. And thank you for the compliment as well; it's always good to know that an author's work is appreciated by someone. :)

 

Painted Fire by DarkSunflower
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary:

This is a story of forbidden love.

 

The beauty and the beast.

Romeo and Juliet.

Cleopatra and Marc Antony.

Lancelot and Guinevere.

 

A story of supposed hate that turned to that of hidden passion.

Of two people that were never meant to be together...

 

...or were they?

 

"Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself."

-Mark Twain

 

Note: This is most likely going to be a short chaptered fic (less than 10 chapters).



Categories: Hermione/Draco Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4560 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
07/08/11 Updated: 09/27/11


Reviewer: Obsidian-Dragon Signed
Date: 08/24/11 Title: Chapter 1: Dim as an Ember

(Strange I didn't see this one, you're talkin to Quinn about something on FB though so I checked here...I dunno if you care for my ramblings but I'll say them anyway because I've nothing better to do right now ._.)

Again, nice job on the harmony between the character [Hermione's] thoughts/feelings and what was physically going on. At some parts I felt like there was too much mention of her mental self but it seemed to add to the agonizing suspense throughout. Guess it worked out is what I'm saying. And yes, it was very suspenseful and enjoyable...until you completely kicked me in the face (aka "surprised" me) at the kiss.

In some ways I feel like you could just stop where you did as it's a nice closing ending in how Draco sees the engagement ring and leaves. Then again this IS a fan-fic and anything can happen. Still, I'd personally finish it by having Hermione chase after Draco for a bit with him verbally biting her at every corner. Then you could have some cheesy ending where Ron comes in and finally takes her heart for his own and all 'love' for Draco in it is eliminated. Dunno, it's your story not mine. (I think you already have Chapter 2 written anyway)

Now let's talk about the overall presentation of this story: COMMAS GIRL, DO YOU KNOW HOW THEY WORK?! They aren't quite as prevalent as the last story with Ginny, but at some points it still reaaaalllly bothers me how you throw them in there. I could easily help you with them if you want. At some points there's random letter/number combos too (like "r13" and such) but I don't think that's entirely your fault. Watch the italics too because a few times Hermione would think to herself and it'd say "she thought" or something, but it was also in italics and made it seem like she was narrating her own thinking xD.

So yeah, this ends my now-standard super-long-ass-review. Feels like I'm forgetting to say things, but oh well.

Toodles,
-Matty

Author's Response:

Well, I'm glad you think it worked out, because I agonized over this chapter. And that's the thing; it's not supposed to be about what physically is going on around her or what she herself is doing. It's about what she's feeling, and whether or not what she's feeling will ultimately be the demise of her and Ron's relationship. You'll have to explain to me how the kiss surprised you so badly, although I admit that kind of makes me happy. xD

I actually almost stopped at the end of this chapter and had him just leave her behind, but that'd be no fun! I can't exactly reveal what happens, although I can honestly say I've got it all planned out. And yes, I've got Chapter 2 written and submitted and Chapter 3 outlined and ready to be written.

Seeing as you're the only one who's ever made any comment about my use of commas, I'm kind of starting to think it might just be you... :P The random letter/number combos are those really long "dash marks" as you might call them. If you don't know what I'm talking about... Yeah, not quite sure what to tell ya! Yes, I've also noticed the italics issure. If you ever start writing for this site (which I hope you do! :D) you'll begin to find that sometimes the text gets a bit messed up somewhere between adding the chapters and them getting posted.

Thanks for the review, Matty! :)

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