I am obsessed with Harry Potter, as are hopefully many of you. Although I have yet to write my own story, I love reading others, particularly post Hogwarts and Next Generation, as J. K. Rowling didn't cover them, and they are completely open to our imaginations. I am formulating plots for stories involving Teddy Lupin, Snape or Albus Potter, but I havn't got far enough with any of them to start anything solid yet.
I've finally finished your're story, and it had some excellent ideas, and I love the direction it went in. However I think a few things weren't quite settled, such as Dudley (unless I've missed something, and then please correct me). It doesn't say it's finished, although the final words sound like the end of a story, but if you could think of a plot, I'd either write more on this one, or a sequel, where a few loose ends can be tied up, or you could have Harry finally defeat Voldemort.
I had a few small issues with it... It seems far too intense, and I would have had it take place over a longer period of time. They also never got to start the new school yeah, which you might not have wanted to do, but I felt there was little point stating that Lupin and the Flamels would be teaching there if they never actually got to school.
Finally, I thought some of the characterisation, particularly Harry, Ginny and Sirius didn't always work. It didn't seem to follow with what JKR established about them in the books released before this was written. Sirius seemed very Americanised, and as much as I love all stories which he gets brought back, he seemed very different. Lets just say he was changed beyond the veil ^.^
Overall though, it's still one of my favourite fics. Can we hope for more?
Amazing story! It's kept me up until 2am most nights reading it, I just can't bring myself to switch my laptop off. I was slightly dissapointed that Dudley and Ron ended up yelling at each other at Christmas; it originally looked like Dudley might be starting to leave his parents and accept wizards. You must really hate the Dursley's to write them like that! I was completely shocked when Malfoy was killed. He's just always been there, being horrible but constant. Though, I thought it was clever to bring Zabini in with Crabbe and Goyle at the end. Thanks for the enjoyment, and I'm going off to read the sequel now!
I can't believe you killed Dudley, just when it seemed as if there was starting to be some understanding and friendship between him and Harry. Everything else was brilliant though, as usual.
I was slightly dissapointed that Snape and Harry didn't have some kind of showdown in the first DADA class, whether verbal or something like Snape making Harry duel him, but that's probably just my obsession with Snape wanting to see more of him!
With the Harry's 'dream' involving Sirius during his captivity in Power of Emotion, and this chapter here, you remain the only fanfiction author to have made me cry! I completely agree with the tissues warning!
I suppose having read Powers of Emotion and Curse of the Damned, I shouldn't hope for Dudley to decide to overcome his hatred and take his place in the wizarding world... anyway, the first chapter has already hooked me and I look forward to seeing how Harry kills Voldemort this time.
You've made me cry... again. Typically, it's for exactly the same reason as COTD, I have a soft spot for reunions between Harry, Sirius and his parents. I think I prefered Voldemort's defeat in COTD, but obviously you have less of a free reign here as there's another book to comply with, and it's still amazing!
Very good, and I'm so pleased you havn't killed off another Weasley. However, you've forgotten the e in Surry near the end of the chapter. ;)
Finally finished it, and although I have to say I prefered PoE and CotD, it was still amazing! If you write a story about Dudley becoming the new Dark Lord, it would be the fan fiction of the century, please do!!!!
It's just sunk in... you've managed to kill the older Dursleys... again. Well congratulations on restraining from killing them just for the fun of it in some randomly irrelevant place. At least now we can bug you for the sequel.
This has probably been pointed out, but if Hildy Bagshot is Bathilda Bagshot, then she shouldn't be in the same year as Minerva if the story is canon, as she was already an adult when the Dumbledores moved to Godrics Hollow before Albus started school, and I'm pretty sure he's older than Mcgonagall.
Just read the whole thing and I love the story. The characterisation is very good, though possibly Snape could be a little stronger towards Harry. I notice it hasn't been updated in an age, despite you claiming to have more written. Please finish it!!! It's definately one of the better stories I've read.
Brilliant suspense in the story, and very interesting pairings! I would never have thought to put Malfoy and Katie together, but I think it worked, especially with your characterisation of Malfoy. Obviously he changed after the final battle, but my one small problem was that Malfoy was a bit too different from anything we have ever known him as. I loved how you made us guess who it was though; I was trying to work out whether Snape hadn't actually died, or Dolohov had somehow come into it... I think I worked it out when you mentioned Percy though, it was a nice little hint.
Author's Response: Thanks! This was a very early fic of mine and I agree that my characterisation of Draco could have been much better hehe.
"James Sirius Potter, it is the judgment of the Wizengamot that you have been found guilty. You knowingly, in possession of sound mind and body, used the Cruciatus Curse and the Killing Curse in the intentional torture and murder of one Gregory Goyle the Third."
James Potter was going to Azkaban for the rest of his natural life, and his whole family was in shambles. His wife and child have fled the country, his sister was missing, and his parents were a wreck. However, James knew that he had larger problems: his guilt was coming more and more in question.
Though he knew that James was withholding information about the circumstances of the murder of which he had been found guilty, Harry had secrets of his own; however, even he could not handle this torrent of trouble alone. Can Harry trust his darkest confidences to anyone? Even family?Â
How will the Potter clan stop the downward spiral into pain and disaster, and can they recover what they've lost?
This fic was nominated for a 2010 Quicksilver Quill Award - Best Next-Generation Story.
Wow... my 4 day marathon of being up until nearly 3am is finally over (too soon though, and I'm sure I'll be up that late tomorrow reading something else!), and I've loved the story! I can't believe this was your first fic! I thought the story flowed really well, although a few parts were a little predictable - as soon as you had Harry enter the Riddle House I was wondering who was going to die 'for him' this time. However I really liked how you brought Anne into the story, although she wasn't my favourite character. She was very well written, and it was nice to see Albus getting his chance of happiness and companionship after his lonely portrayal from the beginning.
This was the first chaptered fic I've read set in this time period, and I loved the characterisation of James, Lily, Albus, etc... My favourite was Hugo though, and I'd have loved to see more of him. You've taken the maximum out of the snippets we have from Rowling's epilogue about Harry's kids, and made them entirely believable. The rest, I suppose you could almost treat them as original characters given pretty much the only things we know about them are their names and parents! Yet even with that, they still seem like they could be descended from the characters we know so much. Rose could possibly have been a bit more like Hermione, since one of the only canon things about her comments on her having inherited Hermione's brains. I'm not sure about Harry's characterisation. You did a great job of keeping him into the character you created, but it often bothered me. True, he would never be the perfectly happy, carefree man many of us would love him to be, but I think he would have been able to let go a little more. Then I think some of the language just seemed a little out of keeping with his canon appearances (for lack of a better word, for his appearances were really 7 books!). That said, that's just how I picture him as an older man, and you obviously had different ideas, which were really well portrayed. Appart from that, I thought Ron might have been around more, since the story concentrated a fair bit on Harry, and then Ginny... For some reason she seems to be one of the hardest to reproduce in a fic, and this was a really good job of it, but THEY SPLIT UP? I got enough of a shock when you revealed she was an alcoholic! I couldn't imagine her having so little faith, or them having so many seriously heated arguments over the years... Ron and Hermione maybe but Harry and Ginny? Oliver bugged me a little as well with his drunk sprees and hot temper, but then that's only really because I liked him so much in canon. Anyway, it was still really well written and I loved reading it.
I didn't mean for that paragraph to go on for quite so long... Anyway, thank you so much for not letting Lily off without punishment!!!! When reading that chapter, I spent the whole time hoping James would be freed, and that you would please please please not play the ever-irritating game of letting everything go unpunished because of the story and characters we love. Yes it would have been nice, but thank you so so much for being realistic! (And not being too harsh on her ^.^) Katie was probably my favourite unexpected twist (the first time you had Harry visited her I was desperately trying to work out who it was), and I'd never have paired her with Draco, but it sort of worked, especially when you show us what a cow Astoria was. I loved Mira with her total innocence, and cringed when she asked about her Dad at the funeral, but I'm so glad she's got Harry to look after her since Katie went. I was almost glad (and at the same time really schocked and upset) that she died, as I couldn't really see how she was going to get out of it. Harry I could see surviving, both from his emotional problems and from being stupid enough to make that diary (incidentally, I loved all the little details you carefully gave us about James' cell), but you never portrayed Katie with that strength, so again, thank you for being realistic and making the harsh but necessary twists.
Overall, I enjoyed the fic more than most, and it was lovely to read a properly sized chaptered (and finished) new generation fic! There really aren't enough around...
And finally, I had so say... HE BURNED DOWN A HOUSE THAT STILL HAD OTHER PEOPLES' THINGS IN IT?! I know it was his house.... but I doubt his family are going to be happy with him!
Oh, the simultaneous pleasure and pain of all night reading binges. I've been on a week-long Alexandra Quick binge (which I completely recommend, btw; fantastic world building and character formation).
First of all, thank you for taking the time to leave such a detailed, thoughtful review. Seldom do people even stop in and say a few words, but you've gone above and beyond in this one. Thank you for that. I will admit, this is definitely not my favourite story I've written, and I do plan on (soon) heavily rewriting it to fix some of the very things you brought up. A lot of things will change, but the groundwork of it will be fairly similar.
My portrayal of Hugo and Rose is actually the opposite of most people. I have Rose being the wilder child, the one who gets into the most trouble, and Hugo is the one who is more academic and steadfast. That is why he became acting Head Auror at the age of 29. However, what I never wanted to lose was the knowledge that either one of them would do anything for family, and they did. This story is centered around the characters doing things they ought not be doing for the sake of their family.
The decision to limit Ron and Hermione's involvement was actually planned, albeit poorly on my part. In my head canon universe, Hermione is very, very high up in the Magical Law Enforcement, and Harry didn't want to put her in the position of having to choose between her loyalty to the Ministry and her loyalty to Harry, as he knew that the things he was doing were going to stray into the realm of anti-regulations. And, of course, if he told Ron, Ron would tell Hermione. In retrospect, I think Hermione and Ron would always choose Harry's side. The reason why Scorpius was involved as a MLE agent was basically that he owed Harry a favour, as Harry had basically got him his job, and Scorpius was far enough down on the totem pole that his actions could be considered following orders rather than disregarding them should any of Harry's illicit actions in finding his daughter come to light. Fred was a subordinate of Harry's and couldn't very well be in trouble for doing as his boss commands. And Albus would not have been kept away if raging hippogriffs were trampling him.
There are some rather cringe-y moments in this story, such as Ginny in, oh...the first 2/3 of the story. If I could do it all over again, I would smash that whole sideplot with a giant, flaming comet. It was ill-conceived in general and OOC. I stick by my portrayals of Katie and Oliver, though Draco was a bit off from what I had envisioned. Badly translated, and so forth.
The one thing I won't apologise for is Harry. I think Harry is one of those people who has to be relevant, has to be doing *something* to make a difference, which is why he's so suited to being an Auror. But we know him from canon as someone who is very capable of making plans that blow up in his face. In this story, Hermione could've very easily come up with something while setting aside her personal feelings. We know Harry has a problem with being dispassionate. Most of the times, it's a character strength, but in times of strife, it probably ended up costing Draco his life. But more than anything, Harry had a rough, rough life as a kid and an adolescent. Jo never touched on it, but there are a myriad of psychological disorders that spout from things like that. I do think it could impair his ability to lead a mundane life as someone who grew up in, say, a standard nuclear family. I won't say he doesn't know how to be happy, but I do think there are a number of things that make a happy, healthy relationship that he would not know and/or severely f*ck up. Most of them, I think Ginny would forgive him for them. Some of them, no one should get a free pass on them.
Okay, so I've been banging on about characters and plots etc, and I'm glad you found a nugget of the real world in them. I guess I don't care for stories that turn the Potter/Weasleys in the Brady Bunch. They are a war-ravaged family that had to scrape themselves out of the dirt and carry on. They would, in my estimation, never come out of that completely whole. But the last thing you brought up makes me giggle. To be honest, I just threw that in there as I was finishing the chapter, mostly to signify that this chapter of their lives had come to a close and a new, probably harder one was about to begin. Yes, Harry burned down the house. No, I don't think it was a brilliant idea. He was drunk and in pain and feeling guilty as hell for causing Draco's demise. I think the house, to him, signified all the broken relationships in his life and at that moment, he just wanted to watch it burn. In my head canon, the important documents like birth certificates etc were kept in a super duper mega safe, and all the kids had moved out anyway. Ginny had moved out most of her things. Most of what was left was just stuff. What has Harry ever cared about *stuff*? I'm not sure if that detail will make the rewrite, but I did have a reason for it. A bad one, I think, but a reason nonetheless.
Wow, what an epic review. I think I probably missed most of your points, so if I did, feel free to email me or poke again. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Your review was very good because it made valid points and included some of the not-so-good points about the story, which is more appreciated than you know. I'm happy that you enjoyed the story. Personally, knowing the things I'm capable of writing now, this story makes me cringe a bit, but it will always be special to me because it represents me finally finding a passion for something in my life.
This is absolutely amazing! I almost prefer it to JK Rowlings version.
I'm so glad I found this fic, it's one of the few things that bothered me in the original book! It's a great version and is entirely believable, with the exception of Snape saying 'do use your common sense', which sounded very Lockhart-ish.
Appart from the fact that I had to re-read several previous chapters to remember what actually happened, I was delighted by the update. I love your writing style and the story content has had me hooked since you first published it. Please please please publish more often! :)
Author's Response: oh, thank you so much! I'm currently writing the next chapter (albeit slowly), and then there's wait time for my beta and the queue, but it should definitely arrive sooner than this update did! :)
I'd almost forgotten about this, when it suddenly popped up as updated. I never expected Lily to be in Hufflepuff but I like the turn of events. Looking forward to the next chapter, especially if you'll be revealing things...
Author's Response: Finals are driving me a little nuts at the moment, but the next chapter should be in the queue right after I finish all my exams and projects. Thanks for the review! :)
That was one of the most beautiful stories I've ever read on MNFF. I love how you've taken a character we know almost nothing about, yet make it sound crebible, as if Rowling could actually have meant for this to happen but just not revealed it. When it started in second person, I feared you could have ruined it, but you've pulled it off to perfection.
The second year has begun:
After a summer without a word from Voldemort the trio began their year at ease for the most part anyway. With a flying car crash, and an incompetent professor, they believe this year will be a dull one. How wrong are they?
The Chamber of Secrets has been opened.
The houses become even more split than ever before. The famous Harry Potter is being blamed because he can talk to snakes, but the other students do not know there are two other Parselmouths in Hogwarts. The Moon Twins can hear and understand the omen whispers and they search for the culprit. Will their secrets and old habits of working alone lead them to lose all the trust they have earned? Or will the trio bond together like never before and solve the sinister mystery, before it’s too late?
Yay, lots of Snape in this chapter! Shame he's not making cookies or something equally brilliant. I hope you do continue the series further, as I can't wait to see how you're going to sort out the trio after the return of Voldemort, although you've told us the sides they'll take.