It's not terrible, but it could use some focus. Spend a little time planning. If you could fire off an entire chapter listening to a song (and I think you know where you are going, even if I can't figure it out) think how much better it will be with an outline!
I can not believe you are only 17. Please wrap this up - don't leave me hanging - then give up fanfiction and start writing for yourself. You are that good. And please let us know when you get publshed. I think me and 42,000 other people will head straight to the bookstore.
very nice, you do an excellent job with the dialogue, and they stay in character. And you were pretty prophetic based on HBP!
nice, I liked the "you matter to me" line. The whole "who was mad at who" at the beginning was a little confusing. But overall very good. Keep it up!
Author's Response: thanx!
Good imagery. I could feel Hermione's pain and Harry's concern quite clearly. The pregnancy wasn't really a surprise, but you did a good job piecing the clues out little by little. Keep writing!
Ok, I'm with the "are you in the right thread" crowd. However, if I change the names, setting, etc, you have a really good plot going. Think about doing this outside of HP fanfiction. And watch your POV - even the most gifted writers have trouble pulling a POV witch off.
Nice, I liked Remus calling Petunia "Penny". You are right about the read/review ratio, it's a bit disappointing, but I think it includes people without accounts who can't review. Keep writing!
Author's Response: thank you so much for your input! I think you are right on about the people without accounts. I hope that I will get many more reviews with the next chapter!