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LaBarge [Contact]

65 year old married father of 4 Harry Potter fans, grandfather of 6. Just starting to write fan fiction.

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Reviews by LaBarge

The Women Who Won by Laurelyn

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: The battle is fought, the war is won--but no victory ever comes cheap. Join Alice, Andromeda, Ginny, Narcissa, Luna, Molly, and Hermione as they discover the cost of war.

EDIT: I'm back! And I am SO SORRY I was gone so long. There is absolutely no excuse for making you wait almost three years for an update. *hides from angry reviewers* The next chapter is in the queue!
Reviewer: LaBarge Signed
Date: 12/31/10 Title: Chapter 2: Andromeda

Woth a review. Very much like I imagine the horrible aftermath of the battle. Not "everything is fine" but a lot of very rough stuff to get through and over. Some things never better like Teddy being an orphan. Good writing.

Aurors and Schoolgirls by Northumbrian

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
The Wizarding War is over.

Auror training has begun and Harry and Ron find that their lives are centred round London and the Ministry of Magic.

For Ginny and Hermione there is the inevitable return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Their lives are centred round schooling in Scotland.

Do these divided duos have different destinations and divergent destinies? When, where and how can these parted pairings meet? Opportunities are limited to holidays, Hogsmeade visits and school Quidditch matches.

Nominated for: Best Post-Hogwarts (Chaptered) story - Quicksilver Quills 2012

Reviewer: LaBarge Signed
Date: 01/01/11 Title: Chapter 5: Hogsmeade: Reconciliation

Fantastic story. Worth taking a lot of time on this visit. Harry and Ginny are great, but the other characters and interactions are just as good.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. -N-

Reviewer: LaBarge Signed
Date: 01/01/11 Title: Chapter 10: Grimmauld Place: Explanations

This is the first chapter I have not read before, and it is brilliant! Excellent characterization of all the people. I think that the whole plot about the missing Muggles is true to the Harry Potter universe. Pure blood contempt for Muggles and especially Muggle born witches and wizards is a constant and important theme in the Harry Potter books. I noticed the reference to Witches Wearing Nothing. I like your treatment of the Malfoy’s. I wish I never had to see another stupid Draco/Hermione love story. I will not read them.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

Thisngs could not, and would not, be easy after the war, as the various cruel excesses of the “racist” Purebloods came to light. I reuse a lot of ideas in my stories. The portkey cuffs come about because of the book and have other consequences in the future. I’ve always been fascinated by Draco, mainly because he seems to have built up a mystique in fanfics where his character (good-looking, intelligent, sarcastic and witty) bears very little resemblance to what we see canon (where he’s shown as a racist, bullying, toadying, coward).

Happy New Year

Moon by Northumbrian

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
**WINNER in the BEST ORIGINAL CHARACTER (Mark Moon) – Quicksilver Quills Awards 2010.**
Meet Mark Moon, a bailiff in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (Scottish Office). Mark has girl problems, or a problem girl, he isn't certain which. The girl is named Lavender.
Reviewer: LaBarge Signed
Date: 12/31/10 Title: Chapter 1: Occlusion

I found you again! Glad to see you are continuing to write. More than any other author your the most English I have found, and it is delightful. I will re-read this story and wait for your further stories. Jet LaBarge

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I will be here for a while, this site, unlike HPFF is moderated by people who behave like adults and (I hope) that it would take more than one vindictive admin and a targetted rule change to ban me. N

Reviewer: LaBarge Signed
Date: 01/07/11 Title: Chapter 2: Eclipse

I get to review your story again, which is delightful! Every time I read your stories I realize how not English I am, but how not English almost all of the other authors. The setting for the start of this story is great in its detail. The accent of Janey Scott is fantastic, as is the character you portray her as being. She is worth another appearance, even as a brief scene between her and Mark and Lavender now that Lavender is Mark’s girlfriend.

I love how Lavender reacts to the “wee Lavender, who’s no his girlfriend.” Lavender obviously wants it both ways. I think Jane Scott reacts the appropriate way; if she does nothing there is no way Mark Moon is ever going to call her. If she causes a breakup then she has a chance. She is rather blunt, but that’s her style.

This 2nd chapter, fantastic. You tell the whole history of Mark and Lavender’s relationship, all that we need to know, through Mark’s long talk with (to) Lavender.
You really need the first chapter, but then this sets up the relationship. In addition to the playing out of the story there is more we need to know about the two people, but this is a good way to start the guts of the story.

I find it sad that more people are not reading this story. I know I read well reviewed stories more often than ones that are not well reviewed. Maybe by leaving a review for each chapter I can help get more people to read you.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review and the compliments.

As someone who lives in England, but 300 miles from London and 100 miles from Edinburgh I think it’s best to play to my strengths. I’ve discovered that accents are difficult to get right. Too much and it simply puts off the readers, to little and you might as well not bother. Aye, not yes, and dropping the ‘t’ from not are quick and easy indicators.

Chapter 1 is essential, Janey is not only the catalyst for a much-needed argument, she also allows me to show an outsider’s view of Lavender. Mark, despite the way she treats him, cannot be so honest about her.

I keep a track of my story hits on the sites wher I post, and this story (and Bare) are the only ones to have had more reads on HPFF than they have here. I’ve no idea why. More reviews can’t hut. Thanks.

Reviewer: LaBarge Signed
Date: 01/07/11 Title: Chapter 3: Aphelion

First we hear Mark and Lavender’s story from Mark’s point of view, and now we hear it from Parvati’s point of view. Remarkable how similar they are, and how Lavender does not like hearing either of them.
I like the symmetry of the suggestion to Lavender to apologize at the start and end of the chapter.
I like the way you build more of Mark’s character in the story, looking at him from Pavarti’s point of view, but also from Pavarti’s point of view after listening over some months about Lavender talking about Mark.
Now we get to what the author wants to make of this story. Will Lavender have an epiphany and apologize? You almost have to, or as far as I am concerned you are not particularly true to the Rowling universe. Despite all the people being killed in the books, and the opening to have some terrible things happen post DH, in general you would expect happy endings for most people. Not perhaps with someone like Draco Malfoy; I would not expect a happy ending for him. But we would hope for a happy ending for Lavender.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

I have to admit that I am remarkably cruel to Lavender in my stories. I push her into some fairly dark places, probably because JKR tells us openly that she wants H/G and R/H to have their “happily ever afters”. I cannot bring myself to go against JKR’s wishes (and anyway I agree with her) so Lavender suffers in their stead (Michael will, too, when I get around to writing his stories).

Draco manages to stay out of Azkaban (he should have been charged with three counts of attempted murder) and manages to find a girl to marry. He does okay.

Reviewer: LaBarge Signed
Date: 01/07/11 Title: Chapter 4: Transit

Fantasy Scotland! Love it! Holland, MI, USA, where I live, has a Tulip Festival every year. One day a year I wear a Dutch Costume, wooden shoes, and scrub the main street with grandchildren. “Fantasy Dutch.” You have to really know Scotland to write this, another way you are so much better than the usual author.

“He decided to risk believing her.” Great! The dialog before this is right on.

“Transit.” Excellent chapter heading. Lavender apologizes, but this is just the start of a reconciliation. Mark does not know how far the apology will go. He does not want to go back to the way they were before. He is not sure Lavender wants more.

We think Lavender wants more, but at this point we are not sure about that either. She does not want to loose Mark, but what does she want? I like the way you have constructed the story. A very deliberate movement from the initial confrontation through the stories Lavender has to hear from Mark and Parvati to the “apology,” or the start of the apology.

Again happy I am reading the story again. Jet LaBarge

Author's Response:
Thanks again.

I love Edinburgh. The castle is magnificent, the entire centre is beautiful. But, like all tourist destinations, it sometimes seems to believe its own publicity, especially about the tartan (though I cannot talk as in Newcastle it’s now possible to buy a “Northumbrian” tartan it’s simply black and white, of course.

All of the chapter titles are phases (or aspects) of the moon and I played around with them a lot before deciding which ones to use (Aphelion is furthest from, Perihelion closest to).

I’m glad that you felt Marks uncertainty, because I think that you need to remain uncertain. (I am always uncertain about girls! (-: )

Reviewer: LaBarge Signed
Date: 01/07/11 Title: Chapter 5: Perihelion

“Walking on eggshells.”
The bad authors, and fan fiction site are full of them, have a quick and easy transition from awkward to a “happily ever after” conclusion. Real life is a lot more complicated.

Mark is neat, always in control. I love the slow careful way he pushes the boundaries. Lavender, she is a little more desperate. She is complimenting him, approving what she sees in the apartment. She comes out with her address, and information about her family. When she realizes she knew his sister, and she put up the barriers that kept him from learning about his sister, she feels bad, terrible.

The scene where she tries to show Mark her scars, and he looks at her boobs instead, is just a great piece! Mark finally gets bold, and enjoys a look at Lavender that he has always been too polite to really look at, at least obviously, before. He is taking a risk, but obviously Lavender took a risk too. Lots of tension in that scene, but lots of humor too.

And finally the resolve. “We’ve probably been dating for months and I just didn’t realize it, sorry.” All Mark’s patience has, in the end, paid off. He has won the heart of the famous and infamous Lavender Brown.

Love this story.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

I see “my” Lavender as damaged by several failed relationships and insecure about her scars. Mark is neat and tidy, but he has his own insecurities and he is far from forceful. Without Janey forcing an argument they would simply have continued to drift.

I’m glad that you think that I managed to keep the tension and humour, I can remember rewriting that scene dozens of times.

I have more Mark/Lavender stories to tell. The entire Lavender/Mark backstory exists in my head. I know that he met her parents at the tail end of the battle. I know how and when Lavender was scarred (four chapters of Tales of the Battle deal with Mark/Lavender/Seamus and Lavender’s parents). I know when she was bitten and how she became an Auror. I know when they first met, and why they didn’t get together, and I know that they meet for the second time no more than five minutes after the end of “Bare”. So many stories!