Penname: lunafish [Contact]
Real name: Neta
Member Since: 07/23/05
Website: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lunafish/
Beta-reader:
Status: Member
Bio:
What�s a 41-year-old mother of three doing writing Harry Potter fan fiction? If you�re here reading my bio, then you probably already know. It doesn�t matter how young or old we are; we�re all here because Harry Potter inspires us to write, to read, and to learn more about Rowling�s world and the people and creatures who inhabit it.

My true immersion into HP fandom came with the discovery of Mugglenet and Mugglenet fan fiction. Before long, I was hooked, visiting almost daily for updates on my favorite authors, to search for new favorites, and more recently to seek writing advice and fellowship over at the Beta forums. Finally, inspired by my rereading of HBP, I decided to offer my own interpretations of various characters and events.

None of us makes any money writing fan fiction, but it�s amazingly satisfying all the same. I�d like to think, moreover, that with each new offering I have validated my writing skills improve a little more. In any case, I�ll keep writing and hopefully so will you, and together we will fill the spaces between and around the action depicted in Rowling�s celebrated series!

House Affiliation: Ravenclaw

My ships: Albus/Minerva, Remus/Tonks, Severus/Narcissa, Severus/grown-up Hermione, Severus/grown-up Luna, Severus/various OC�s: Clancy, Maeve, Patricia (see LariLee�s A Right Bastard)

I am a proud Potions & Pineapple shipper, a devoted follower of S.I.C.K., and a first-time participant in S.N.A.P.E.! Visit Vocalion's
Highly Improbable Journal for more information.

Concerning Snape: I was right!
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Reviews by lunafish
 

Crucio by Mizz Parkinson
Rated: [Reviews - 8]

Summary: Now in hiding, Draco Malfoy ponders on what he has just done...

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 1844 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/31/05 Updated: 07/31/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 08/04/05 Title: Chapter 1: Crucio

I really like how you get into Draco's mind in this story; it really helps me to appreciate what he may have gone through. And this depiction is entirely possible when I think of that scene between him and Dumbledore and of the glimpses of him leading up to that point.

 

The Futility of Reason by Vocalion
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 31]

Summary: A procrastinating Potions master puts his worst foot forward as he makes an unwavering, albeit unconventional attempt to prevent Hermione's marriage. Will forty-eight hours afford Severus Snape sufficient time to convince her that he is a supercilious and unmitigated nuisance? Written in response to the Spring Faire Festival's "I Want to Kiss the Bride" story option.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 10931 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/03/05 Updated: 08/03/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 08/19/05 Title: Chapter 1: The Futility of Reason

I so enjoyed that story! (Well worth the hour I devoted to reading it!) Snape was still Snape, but also strangely appealing. And your portrayal of the grown Hermione struck me as completely believable--an intelligent girl grown into a confident woman. Most of all, I loved the witty repartee. And obviously so did they!

 

Summary: She could walk through the graveyard without blinking, bypassing the graves of fallen childhood friends. She could walk through the halls of Hogwarts without missing a step, tracing back a path to her first day as she rushed through the school. She could even make her way to the Forbidden Forest and trample through it, ignoring the splashes and stains that still marred the aged trees and wasted ground. But Hermione cannot make herself face the Great Lake, calm on this balmy summer day, where she had watched three people she had slowly grown to love fade from existence. Character Death within. Post-Hogwarts.

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1967 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/16/05 Updated: 08/16/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 08/28/05 Title: Chapter 1: Through Fields of Gold [one-shot]

A beautifully agonizing story--I still can't hold back the tears. The worst for me was Neville, I think, esp. having read your "Quiet Courage." It's painful even to think of these deaths, but you've described them in such a way that I can't help but _see_ them myself. I can only hope JKR does not reinforce the image by making it canon. It's amazing how much these characters mean to us. Writing the story from Hermione's perspective made it all the more affecting.

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 09/02/05 Title: None

How intriguing! Snape has a sister or cousin or what?! And Moony loves her. I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: I have the next chapter in the queue, so it should update soon. I'm glad you like it!

 

Summary: When Lord Voldemort takes over the Ministry, Percy is left confused as to where his loyalties lie. He is brainwashed into believing that his family are the enemy and that the purge of filthy blood is necessary for the Wizarding worlds survival. The Weasley family are now in grave danger, as there are no limits to how far Percy will go to serve his new master. This fan fiction contains the theme of death and murder, including a few traumatic images. Ive put it at PG-13 because as a whole I dont believe it to be too bad, but I caution anyone who is uncomfortable with issues regarding death.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Suicide

Word count: 3858 Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/30/05 Updated: 10/10/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 09/05/05 Title: Chapter 1: Part one

You do a fine job showing how a seemingly good person can go bad (and possibly good again?). And you really seem to capture Percy's character; he and the situation he's landed himself in are entirely plausible. I enjoyed your story very much. Good luck with the contest!

Author's Response: Thank you and well done on the drabble! I'm glad you think its plausible because I've been dreading people telling me it's OOC.

 

Plotting Revenge by JessicaH
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Confined to his cell, Lucius is dependent on rumours and cryptic letters to figure out what goes on in the world. He knows Narcissa is worried about something, he can feel it. He just cant do anything about it, but then maybe he can?

Written in response to the monthly challenge on the Mugglenet fanfiction forum, promt one - A one-shot from the point of view of someone not in the Order of the Phoenix during HBP. JessicaH, Ravenclaw.



Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1569 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/02/05 Updated: 09/02/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 09/02/05 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

Your Lucius creeps me out so much! He's the horrible child who never grew past pulling the appendages off of insects and delighting in their misery. I also like how you hint at his relationship to Narcissa and how he knows her so well that he recognizes the fear in her handwriting. Despite this, he is still the cold man I see in the books, one able to accept the risks his son faces with only the smallest glimmer of regret (so long as it gets the family back in V.'s good graces...). An thoughtful character analysis!

Author's Response: Thank you so very much! You could not give me better praise than that. I'm very glad you liked it.

 

Summary: Draco Malfoy has a moment of self-reflection as he makes the final attempt to carry out his mission. Rated PG-13 for mild violence. Winner for its category in the August Monthly Challenge.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1385 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/02/05 Updated: 09/02/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 09/17/05 Title: Chapter 1: Lonesome Servant

An awesome contest entry! I love how you delve into Draco's mind at this crucial moment. It makes me really sympathize with what he must be going through. I especially appreciate how you point out how alone he is. We always think of him having his two hulking tag-alongs to do whatever he bids, but you're right to note how unsatisfying that would be--to have someone who wasn't really your equal. It's also a nice moment near the end when his heart almost sends him to DD's side. Given time, who knows? Maybe he could have been saved...maybe he still could be.... Your story really makes me think! Thanks!

 

From Hermione with Love by mspadfoot89
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Hermione takes the time to pour out her feelings during the war, in a letter addressed to Harry.

***

You know what the saddest thing in the word is? To love someone who used to love you.

Categories: Harry/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1502 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/14/05 Updated: 09/14/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 09/17/05 Title: Chapter 1: --

What a touching story! I'm impressed by the way you frame the story with her exhausted restlessness and an awareness of things not right around her to emphasize that she's taking time to pour out her feelings in the midst of war because she has to. And the letter itself conveys so much feeling. When I finished, I wished that she had sent the letter, but perhaps it's more believable that she doesn't. I really enjoyed reading this!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm very happy you liked liked reading this, because it's a fanfic I enjoyed writing very much. As for the letter, I thought it would be a little bit more touching to have Hermione not send it. She might in time, tell Harry how she really feels. Thank you once more.

 

Summary: How do our choices affect us and those around us, and how will their choices be altered? Remus's mother takes a somewhat smothering interest in his condition. How will this change affect him when he goes to school and how can one small choice affect his whole future? Written as a challenge fic for the MNFF Beta Forums by xadie of Ravenclaw House. Entry to September Monthly Contest 3 on the subject of choices or betrayal.

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, None

Word count: 3877 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/30/05 Updated: 09/30/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 10/03/05 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

This is definitely an alternate path for Remus and Severus that I've never considered before, but it makes perfect sense when I read it. They do actually have a lot in common, as you show so well. You've done a great job examining the choices theme!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your comments, lunafish. You know that I really respect your opinion, so I value your comments all the more. It really struck me, when we were discussing MWPP on the Professors usergroup that things could so easily have been different for Remus and Severus; that they had a lot in common that might have made them friends if things had been different, and thats the main reason I decided to write this fic. Also thank you for being my first reviewer, I really appreciate it!

 

Four Houses by the nutty imp
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: Albus Dumbledore takes one last look at his beloved students before he sets out to the light


Winner - Best Slytherin Drabble on the Quartet Drabble Challenge

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1110 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/11/05 Updated: 10/11/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 10/11/05 Title: Chapter 1: Four Houses

Beautiful. Those little drabbles sure have a lot of power! I like how they offer hope even in the worst of circumstances. They are all lovely, but Draco's was particularly poignant considering....

Author's Response: The first review never fails to put a smile on my face. ^_^ Thanks lunafish, the Draco drabble was actually the only one that won the challenge but the hardest to write was the Ravenclaw one because there's less canon data to go by. Thanks for reviewing this one ^_^

 
Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 12/02/05 Title: Chapter 1: Four Houses

Its been so long since Ive been over here to read one of your stories, but as always Im impressed! In this story, I especially like the moment you give Cho and Luna. I think fan fiction writers dont usually give Cho the credit she deserves because of her characterization in OotP, but you show here what a year could do to her. I think its completely believable that shes grown and learned just as Harry and the rest have done. And its nice to see these two completely different representatives of Ravenclaw interact. Well, since were both in SPEW now, I guess I better make some suggestions. The plot holds together very well and seems to do exactly what the original challenge asked (anyway I think this originated in the Three Broomsticks), so I guess Ill just comment on some grammatical things I noticed: those twinkling blue eyes scanned the tear strained faces of his beloved studentsis it supposed to be tear stained? I also noticed a few awkward verb tense shifts: he knew he cannot risk that& Ron, Im sick of having people try to protect me and see them fall one after another & in the Draco section but the one he seekedthe verb tense seems a little odd in these passages; is it meant to be could not risk? And you might consider havingand seeing them fall with the second sentence. Finally, I think it should be sought instead of seeked. Oh, I almost forgot: in the Draco section, it seems to say that DD first came across Tom Riddle in the Riddle mansion, but wasnt it the orphanage where he first met Riddle? But enough of that! I cant end without saying how great your final section is. I think its so beautiful that DD meets Cedric in the light! Overall, I really enjoyed the story!

Author's Response: Yes, it's that particular challenge. *lol* am one of those people who's guilty of writing fics and setting them aside to gather dust. Thanks for those corrections. It's reviews like these, that gets me to look into these old fics. ^_^ I've fixed them.

Surprising it's the Ravenclaw portion that took more thought, although most usually like the Slytherin portion better... maybe because it's more angsty than the rest.

^_^ I actually meant the orphanage here ... hmmm... it is confusing. I'll go change 'large house' to 'building' - maybe it'll make this more obvious this way. ^_^

Thanks for the review Neta. It was really helpful ^_^

 

Until the Dawn by HermioneDancr
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 21]

Summary: For the first time in her life, Minerva McGonagall had Seen. Buoyant after her first ever success in a Divination lesson, Minerva receives an unexpected owl. On an icy November night, Minerva finds herself betrayed by the promise of omens but discovers the certainty of the stars. One-shot.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1219 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/21/05 Updated: 10/21/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 10/22/05 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

This is a beautiful and sensitive treatment of the issue of why M. feels as she does about divination. I love the characterization here; in particular, during that instant when Minerva's lips press into a thin line, we see echoes of the woman she will become. And how appropriate it is, at the end, that she doesn't lose faith in the stars. As a grown woman, she is such a mixture of sensibility and compassion, and you've captured that quite nicely here: she resents the lie of the omens, but her resentment doesn't make her hard...only stronger. Finally, that moment of tenderness on the part of her professor really touched me. They didn't need to speak; he sees her need and acts. This is why we love Dumbledore--his protectiveness and love for his students. Another clue to why Minerva is so fiercely loyal to him? In any case, I loved it!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad it worked for you!

 

Who am I? by jenncrazy1
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: A little bundle was left on the doorstep of an old lady's door... My first fic! Please Read and review, i'd like to know how i'm doing! Chapter 4 is in the queue.

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2982 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/07/05 Updated: 01/02/06


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 12/26/05 Title: Chapter 3: A White Van

Youve got me intrigued! Im curious to know why Hermione would give up her daughter, who Paiges father is, and what the message means! Youve created a nice little mystery here, and I cant wait to see where all this is going!

Ellen and Paige themselves are interesting characters and have already taken on a life of their own in just three chapters. I do hope to see more of Hermione soon, of course, but Im impressed that you are able to win over your readers sympathy so quickly with non-canon characters.

I did notice a few proofreading errors, but nothing big. For example, in your summary, when you ask, Whats the significance, you should have Whats since its short for What is. I also noticed a sentence that reads kind of strangely: Always jumpy, she was. It might read better as simply She was always jumpy. Another sentence that reads wrong is Scaring her she ran into the wood, which should probably be Scared, she ran into the wood. Or scaring her could be tacked onto the end of the sentence preceding it. Other than that, you might check over your paragraphing as the spacing seems a little odd toward the end, especially with dialogue. (Maybe you just need to hit enter an extra time.)

Anyway, those were just little things and didnt detract from the fun mystery of your story at all. You make some really interesting rhetorical choices. I particularly love the word play in the following: She was always very protective over Paige; Paige saw it as over protective. And youve really got me wondering why she feels as she does about old men (she thought all old men were frightening, no matter how many loving tales her friends told her about their grandfathers.) Im guessing there must be some importance to that line that might have to do with her father. I cant wait to find out!

One last thing: just curious, but what does bottled out mean, as in She nearly bottled out but the determination to reach her goal won over all fears. Ive never heard that phrase before. Well, as youve probably guessed, I really liked this and look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, very much appreciated. 'Bottled out' generally means to be to scared to do something, to 'chicken' out. Hope that's helped, i'm not to great at explaining.

 

Resolution by Vindictus Viridian
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 31]

Summary: "You did not come here to play chess."
On New Year's Eve, Minerva McGonagall finds herself without the usual distractions of students and staff. She decides there is only one way to solve the puzzle before her, and that she will have to take a rather large chance.
This was a submission for the Redemption Challenge and contains huge howling unavoidable HBP spoilers.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse

Word count: 2881 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/26/05 Updated: 11/26/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 12/25/05 Title: Chapter 1: Resolution

Wow! Your story really fascinates me. My two favorite adult characters share their hopes and fears, but almost wordlessly. The chess game is a nice plot device for conveying the answers we want but that Snape almost can't speak. I like this very much.

Author's Response: Thanks! Your favorite characters -- wow. That makes me twice as glad of your review...

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 01/27/06 Title: None

Hey luvndanger!

Sorry it took me so long to get over here to this; Ive definitely been missing out! I really like the mysteries youve set up, as well as the pairings youve given usexcept for Draco & Ron. As far as those two, I dont mind slash, but Im going to take a bit more convincing that the two of them would have got past their mutual antipathy. (The comment about the deal involving handcuffs and ice was pretty funny, though. ;) I cant help but agree with Harrys confusion concerning why Ron [had] to go and get mixed up with Draco Malfoy, of all people.

Oddly enough, however, Neville & Hermione make pretty good sense now that I think about it. I especially love how youve made him so nurturing, a nurturing which, quite frankly, Im happy to see Hermione on the receiving end of for once. I also think its cute to see that Hermione relates to him so well, even speaking to him in the language of plants when she says, Thisproject were working on is starting to grow thorns. LOL! One question I have right after that line, though: You say that Hermione is employed in the Department of Secrets not Mysteries, though you do use the latter later on.

Im dying to hear more about Susan Bones. You kind of leave us hanging there (and that taste over in chapter 7 just doesnt satisfy!), but that first chapter does a beautiful job of creating suspense right from the beginning. Its also a nice way to indicate how much time has passedi.e. having this generations students as your storys teachers. Im hoping she and Harry get together. :-D

I think my favorite chapter so far is the one with Bellatrix. Man, she is one scary woman, and even more so in your story. The idea that she is disillusioned with Voldemort and seems to be plotting on the side strikes me as wholly believable and appropriate. Its about time she accepted the fact that old Voldy is himself part mudblood. Her relationship with the Dementors makes her even creepier.

It looks like well soon be seeing the OotP meet again; I look forward to it. Anyway, so far, your story really moves along well and engages the reader: awesome!

Author's Response: Hey, Luna...well, remember, you were an inspiration! I've sent you another response, but just want to thank you for adding your thoughts here - and I will get that "Secrets" corrected soon! Oh, and there is more Susan stuff written, and pretty soon Harry will get her story out of her... ;)

 

Belonging to Bellatrix by Fantasium
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 33]

Summary: Past Featured StoryBehind every great man stands a great woman. But what happens when the roles change? What is life like to a man who must live in the shadow of his wife? A wife who is neither great nor good, but wicked and cruel, and who only exists to serve her master One-shot, written pre-HBP.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Suicide

Word count: 2075 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/04/05 Updated: 12/04/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 01/11/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

Youve written a chilling, yet also sad look at what it means to be a DE, especially one who is really only there by association to another who is much more devoted (and important) to the cause. You make me feel almost sorry for Rodolphus; he feels so inadequate and in fact is. I dont know that Voldemort would be quite so willing to dispose of one of his followers at this point, but if he were, I could see it happening in this way, by Rodolphus own wife even. The line about him following her orders without even realizing itRodolphus, now convinced that he had walked all the way down there on her unspoken command, accepted itreally emphasizes how out of his league this character is. Its sad that he can still feel jealousy of this woman he finds so repulsive.

I did notice a couple grammatical errors, for example, in this little bit, there was not a lot of flesh her bones, in fact, her whole appearance, you need on between flesh and her bones. You also need a period or semi-colon before in fact. And you need a he before had seen in The face, which together with her wax-coloured hands was all had seen of her body for years. It should also be began instead of begun in He begun to make his way back upstairs. Finally, when you mention the greying man, I think the correct spelling is graying.

But enough of that! I want to end by saying how well I think you also capture Bellatrixs personality. Two lines in particular stood out to me: He had never been important to Bellatrix, who had always had other men who could do her bidding, faster and better than himself & Rabastan. He who had, as she had so carefully put it, at least shown enough will to get himself killed. The latter really echoes Bellas words in Spinners End when she admonishes Narcissa for not being willing to sacrifice her son to the cause. The former encourages me imagine why other men are so quick to do her bidding, esp. in her current disgusting state. Like Voldemort, she probably demands obedience and finds those who will give it to her, but she also (again, like Voldemort) cannot endure mediocrity and probably thrills in punishing it. I wonder if she thrills at being punished for it! (As she probably was after OotP.) Well, youve sure given me a lot to think about; excellent character study!

 

First Kisses by Ravensgryff
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 121]

Summary: Hermione and Ron have gotten closer since the end of their sixth year and finally reach the point of sharing their first kiss. But who said that first kisses are as wonderful as we all would hope? Can theirs survive awkwardness and feelings of inadequacy, or will they regress to the usual bickering and never make it to the second kiss? And if they do make it

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 3239 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/08/05 Updated: 12/08/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 01/12/06 Title: Chapter 1: First Kisses

You have done an excellent job of capturing the awkwardness of that first kiss and the passion of the one that follows. Although Hermione/Ron is generally not a pairing I go for, these two really appeal to me in your story. They both seem very in character, and the tension between them is completely believable, as is the gradual decrease of that tension as they come to understand what the other is thinking. I like that they both have doubtsHermione wondering if shes that bad and Ron thinking he has probably moved too fastI remember feeling that type of insecurity myself.

You did an especially nice job creating the flashback and setting the scene for the romantic interlude with these lines: When they reached the untidy room, they both sat on Rons bed and suddenly the atmosphere changed drastically. Even Rons Chudley Cannons posters were less animated, as the photographed players seemed to watch the pair with anticipation. There was nowhere else on earth she wanted to be, but at the same time Hermione felt unsure and afraid of what would happen next. Ron had stopped looking at her, but she could just make out his face screwed up in concentration. She longed to speak his name and feel it flow past her lips, but her voice abandoned her. This creates such a nice picture in my head as I read it. You show us what Hermione is seeing and feeling at this moment without being overly descriptive as others might be tempted to be.

Beautifully done!

 

Snape's Reward by black spot
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: AU, Total fluff. The war is nearly over, and Snape finds himself somewhere unexpected.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1120 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/16/05 Updated: 12/16/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 12/26/05 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One

I know Ive read this before, and Im surprised I didnt leave a review because it really speaks to my bizarre sense of humor! Yes, this story is so oddly appealing. I really like the idea of Snape in heaven rather than the place most people want to put him. ;) though he basically ends up hell anyway, doesnt he? The story also reminds me of the end of a couple of my favorite books, Robert Heinleins Stranger in a Strange Land and Job: A Comedy of Justice in that you take a slightly irreverent approach to the afterlife, making it a bit more humorous than people are generally willing to allow. I think it works particularly well with Snape because he often seems to have NO sense of humor. Hope he gains one before too much of eternity passes.

I also like the amusing, but realistic look at the world of the public servant you give in these lines: There had been more work recently due to that stupid war the wizards were having. Thank goodness it was nearly over and he could get some relative peace and quiet again. How ironic that, while the rest of us are so worried about Harry and co. surviving in their battle against ultimate evil, the administrative staff of heaven just wants the war to get over with so they can get back to their normal routineLOL! And what language from heavens citizens!: What are you waiting for? Hell to freeze over? Go and get him. Ill give him patience, ordered Peter, grumpily. And stop messing with that infernal belt.

Well, Id like to offer some suggestions for improvement, but the story works just beautifully as is. Therefore, Ill save the con-crit for someone who needs it! Excellent story!

 

Your Destiny Lies Before You by SomberBallad
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: Past Featured StoryNarcissa doubts whether she will ever amount to anything in a life when everything is dictated for her, her classes, her friends, and even her husband.



(A Narcissa character story and a Lucius/Narcissa beginning.)

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4267 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/17/05 Updated: 12/17/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 12/23/05 Title: Chapter 1: Your Destiny Lies Before You

I dont know about romantic, but there is something sweet in the idea that they both in fact DO always have someone to dance with. Youve drawn a very sympathetic portrait of two characters who dont normally invite sympathy. Her question to BellatrixDo you really enjoy being restricted to the pointto the point ofto the point of not being able to breathe?made me feel so sorry for her; in trying to say it, she expresses exactly what she feels. You show exactly how heavily the expectations of her family must weigh on her. I also like how your protagonist, no matter how much she suffers, still clings to her good breeding and disdain for those below her (meaning just about everyone). It makes the story that much more believable.

So obviously I dont have any complaints at all about characterization or plotting because the story holds together so well and does an excellent job delving into Narcissas (and Lucius) psyche. About the only thing I can make suggestions about are a few typos I noticed. For example, I think you need a the before wizarding in Ours is one of the only pureblooded families left in wizarding world . The verb feel also should probably be felt in the following: and though this relieved the physical pressure from her chest, she still feel the weight of sovereignty lying upon her heavily. And a part is two words when youre trying to indicate belonging rather than separation, as in the following: Narcissa forced a smile, I still suppose it concerns me as well though, as I am still apart of the wizarding society. Other than that, you might want to review punctuation with dialogue since sometimes you have a comma when you need a period.

Overall, however, I love what you show us about these two characters. Even Lucius, who doesnt voice his discontent, tells us something through his refusal to complain. Hes determined to be strong and do exactly what is expected of him. Your interpretation of this character seems right on. I really enjoyed reading your story. What a great gift!

Author's Response: I don't really think it's romantic either, but it was supposed to be...and I think in some ways it is...but it isn't really a romance. I try to leave that up to the imagination. Thank you so much for the helpful review...I went through and fixed the stuff you pointed out. I appriciate the help so much, these reviews mean a lot to me, and the reads :)

 

A Christmas Affirmation. by Magical Maeve
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 16]

Summary: A little bit of Christmas fluff and hope, Harry and Ginny style.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 242 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/22/05 Updated: 12/22/05


Reviewer: lunafish Signed
Date: 01/11/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Christmas Affirmation.

I haven't come to critique, but simply to admire. Although it's now three weeks past Christmas, I found myself very moved all over again with the spirit of the season. You make me love Harry again, something I haven't done for quite awhile (thanks to Severus ;). This was lovely.

 
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