Great story!! Although I really enjoyed it, honestly, you NEED another proofreader. The grammar was horrendous. The biggest problem was the improper use of to/too. Also, I've noticed many times, I think you mean surely! You always write surly, which is a completely different word and is an adjective. I strongly suggest you are more thorough with your proof reading in the future.
Read the whole thing in one sitting. Sad that it's finished! Great work, please write more :')