Hey all! I'm Ellie (age fourteen) and I write Next Generation fanfiction mostly. I currently have a few stories underway, and my updating should be semi-frequent, as I always have poetry I can post.
Real Life Bio:I have been playing violin for ten years (playing Bruch), I run cross country and track, and also play basketball. On top of that, I'm also a choir/orchestra/musical geek.
Other Series/Books I love: The Hunger Games/Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus/The Maze Runner/The Scorpio Races/To Kill A Mockingbird/Pride and Prejudice/Sherlock Holmes/Great Expectations
Favorite Pairings: Rose/Scorpius, Teddy/Victoire, James/Lily, Albus/Rose, Louis/Lily, James II/Lucy, but I'm open to anything.
Category I mostly write in: I'm a D/A writer as well as Next Gen.
STORY INFO:
Remember the Slytherins: Working on it.
Yellow Knit Hat & Finding Neverland: My James II/Lucy pieces. The first is not a real relationship (they do not even kiss), but it evolves into Finding Neverland.
421 Hours: For all of those who enjoyed All That's Left, I have a companion piece. Look for it within the month.
Poetry: I'll post a new poem periodically. (most likely when I have writer's block for RTS or are having it beta-d)
Ascendio: Deleted
Jar of Hearts by Lost_Robin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]
Summary: Lily thinks about her relationship with Benedict. This is Lost_Robin of the lovely Ravenclaw writing for Madam Pomfrey's Triathlon: Round Two with the Music prompt. Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or Christina Perri. I, however, almost made my lovely beta, BrokenPromise, start an elephant farm.
Hi, Krista.
I thought this was an interesting idea for a piece. When I first clicked on it, I had no idea what to expect, and the beginning shocked me, but it fit so well with the song you chose, showing Lily’s descent from innocence to hurt beyond repair.
The style of this was definitely interesting, with the incorporation of lyrics and the way the timeline was set up. I really liked the circular feel, that it started and ended in the same way, because the first section made so much more sense. With the lyrics, though, I am not entirely sure they were necessary so often throughout the piece. At the beginning, I thought it was brilliant how the lyrics concluded a section rather than began it, but as the piece went on I felt the lyrics lost some of their meaning as I found them in odd places that didn’t quite fit. I think they would have been more powerful if they were less, if that makes any sense.
On Lily: I thought you characterized her quite nicely. I like how you made her seem vulnerable because she was genuinely good, a neat parallel to the song, She has a fiery side, but when she let herself trust Benedict she became sort of blind. And that flaw came back to bit her. I did question whether she would sleep with him on the first night they even start dating, even if she did fancy him; based on what you said before, Lily was very, very conservative and that bit seemed a little off to me. If they had been dating for a while, it would make more sense, because while Lily is trusting it doesn’t mean she’d be willing to go that far on a first date of sorts.
I can honestly say I happily hated Benedict in this, which I’m guessing was the desired effect. You built up his character so nicely; at first I see him as a charming and attractive boy, someone I want to see Lily with, but then it suddenly comes crashing down in that one instant. His reaction is perfectly normal, to not want to have to deal with a child at that age, but I do think that never wanting to see the child seems a bit extreme. I think that, given that before he wasn’t portrayed as sociopathic as the bloke in the song, he might have had some regret sooner. Perhaps another scene where he tries, but Lily rejects him might have helped.
My favorite aspect of the piece was how beautifully unresolved it was. Everything wasn’t tied up into neat little happy packages, because that simply doesn’t happen in real life. Lily still hates Benedict, and Benedict doesn’t know their child. While it might last forever, it was niece to see that everything wasn’t resolved, that they ended back up together and lived happily ever after. That being said, I would love to see a sequel to this, perhaps with a little more between the break-up and the last scene, and what happens after. Great job!
Ellie
Author's Response: I'm very glad you like it. I'm working on something that will tie Lion's Son and this together. It'll be more of a prequel and somewhat of a sequel, but Benedict will definitely show up. I was worried about the characterization of both of them and I'm glad you liked it. The bit where she sleeps with him, I felt like since she knew him so well, she trusted him completely. This isn't the last we'll see of Benedict. And you were supposed to hate him. Thank you thank you thank you for reading!
The Difference Between Knowing and Understanding by noblefate
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]
Summary: 
Albus Potter has always known that his father was famous, has always known that his family was filled with heroes, but he’d never understood what that meant for his family in general and himself in particular. (This is a companion piece to “The Truth Will Set You Free”, but it isn’t necessary to read that piece in order to understand this one.)
This is noblefate of Ravenclaw writing for Round Two of the 2012 Madam Pomfrey’s One-Shot Character Triathlon.
Hi :)
I thought this was a really interesting piece, especially having read its companion fic. You paint such a different picture of what it was like growing up as Albus, James, or Lily, and I can honestly say this piece has me rethinking certain aspects of the family, both about Albus and how they grew up.
The Albus you wrote was very different from most of the versions of him I read, but it definitely fit the story. He, unlike James, was so observant that it was impossible for him to ignore what their father was trying to hide, and all it took was a little help for him to piece everything together. I love how you reiterate ‘Albus liked to know things’, because it made the entire piece so much more believable, and the ending so much more powerful. He’s logic to James’s anger, and it really shows two completely different reactions to the same event. The fact that he never confronts any of his family about the big secret completely removes any doubt that what you said about Albus is true; by just listening for the bits he got and not pressing the issue, Albus ensured that the next time a hint was mentioned he could listen for it. I thought that aspect was brilliant.
I really enjoyed how, because this piece was so centered around family, I could see the similarities between James and Albus, but also their father at that age. While it was subtle for the most part “ James’s similar reaction to Harry when Harry was kept in the dark, Albus’s acceptance and open-mindedness “ because of the fact that when Harry was their age he was fighting a war, it really added to the piece. The strongest example of this was James standing up for the first year, and how it basically manages to dissipate all of James’s anger in one go. It truly makes James see why Harry’s part was necessary, and that’s where I think we see the best reflection on the war.
Probably my favourite part of the piece was the ending, and how it so neatly drew everything you built up together. Rereading the piece, I realized just how you used the style and progression to show the change the story focusing on: the difference between knowing and understanding. I saw the slow progression from Albus wanting to know, to knowing, but then to truly understanding what had happened, and I thought that it was brilliant the way you worked that out, especially with the last paragraph. Learning what truly happened must have been a pivotal moment in Albus’s life, and we see just how much he was forced to mature as he went from knowing to understanding. It’s especially strong in the last bit, simply because you tell us how he understands, but then proves it. It justifies the entire theme of the piece.
The entire basis of this piece was fascinating: you took a small morsel from the epilogue and expanded it into two complete pieces, and it really makes a great deal of sense. While I don’t know if Harry would force them to hear the story of the war from somewhere else first, I do know that he would hide them from it until they were older. He wanted them to have a normal childhood, and hiding the information allowed them to. Like I said earlier, though, I don’t know if Harry would make them wait that long to know, because they might react like James did and he wouldn’t want them to hear the wrong facts. I liked how you used the fact that Harry would want to forget in defense of his actions (I would want to forget, too) but Harry is a lot like your Albus in the fact that he simply can’t forget, and he would want them to know about the rest of the people… the Lupins, the Weasleys, the DA, and the Order. I don’t know how you could further solidify your argument about this view apart from having this conversation happen when the two are younger, but parts still seemed a little unreasonable.
Overall, though, I really enjoyed the fic. There were just so many layers to it, and the more I thought about it the more complex the piece became. And the piece is mostly a simple conversation. That’s what I loved when I read this, the fact that there were so many levels, and the piece just becomes more and more brilliant the deeper you think. Brilliant job, and if you ever write more of this Albus, I would love to read it. :)
Ellie
Author's Response: First, wow, thank you for that stunning review! I'm glad those layers come through because, while it might not have been obvious as I wrote the piece, I always felt they were there, driving things along. I appreciate your comments about expanding that singular epilogue moment because while it's the only glimpse of the post-war world JKR gives us in the books, I think it's incredibly insightful; JKR shows a lot of who Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny become as well as who their children are, and the Potter family dynamic intrigues me. Thank you again for the delightfully insightful review. ~ Megan
The Maimed Reflection by Ginny Weasley Potter
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 6]
Summary:
Hello, Pooja. :)
Wow. This was very dark. It was almost uncomfortable at times, but that was what I enjoyed about it. Boundaries were pushed, and it really haunted me after the first time I read this. It made me think.
This piece dealt with many sensitive topics. You handled them all extremely delicately; the suicide, the eating and sleeping disorders, and the male rape. I had never read a story with male rape, but this honestly scared me (and I mean that as a compliment). It was just so raw, and I could feel deep in my gut how hopeless Albus was. I just felt so bad for him, and I understood, no matter how heartbreaking it was, how the rape lead to the disorders that finally led to Albus killing himself.
Another major strength of this piece for me was the characterization. Even though Albus wasn’t himself, we still knew what he would have been like. You gave us little lines here and there that gave such great background without big paragraphs of exposition. We knew how close he was to Rose, and how he loved his siblings. That being said, though, at times the story did seem slightly tell-y. I know it was mostly Albus explaining why he was about to kill himself, but sometimes it seemed like most sentences started with a name. That can be easily fixed, though, by just changing a few words around. :)
I loved the format of the piece. The dates, I felt, really added to the story. It stopped it from becoming confusing, with the two important things that happened on two different July 31st’s. And when you had the ‘meanwhile’ section … Merlin, I really hoped that somehow they had gotten there in time. I just wanted Albus to be okay. When it was clear they hadn’t, I can honestly say my heart dropped into my stomach; you wrote everyone’s reactions to Albus’s body so well. It was heart wrenching- especially Harry. For me personally, writing him as a father is hard. I think you did a brilliant job with his reaction, though; it had the right mix of confusion, anger, and of course grief. The only person I had a slight issue with was Ginny. I don’t know if she could remain that calm in a situation like that, especially when she was so emotional when she bumped into Albus at the ministry. I know she is a very strong person, but I think that she would have been a little more frantic. Otherwise, though, brilliant job.
Overall, this piece was just dark. You covered so many sensitive topics, and it was just heart wrenching. In an odd way, I thought it was beautiful. Everything was just so raw, and this piece has stuck with me. I loved how the ending had a slightly uplifting tone to it as well, and it gave the piece closure, which is hard to do with something that complex. I was so glad that Harry had caught who had done it. To sum up, I loved this piece, Pooja. I wish it had done better in the challenge, but I can definitely say I’ll remember it when QSQ’s come around next year. :)
Ellie
Author's Response: Ellie, I must admit, this has taken me so long because I couldn't think of anything else but to squee at your wonderful review, and had decided that I wouldn't respond to it unless I was making sense. :)
Anyway. I can understand it was uncomfortable to read. It was a difficult fic to write, tbh, I settled on male rape after a lot of other themes had passed my mind and decided I should write this, because people rarely write about it. And it's not that it rarely happens either. I was shocked at the estimated statistics of male rape. This is also my first D/A fic in ages and it was depressing to write in places because I'm not the kind of person who reels around in my own angst. I do things to cheer me up and am all smiley in hours, usually. But I really, really wanted to tell this story.
Actually, the eating disorders were not really eating disorders. It was something else... actually, it was associated with PTSD, which, I read in many research papers, is very common in male victims of rape. I'd be more blunt if the real implications of Albus's rituals weren't so disturbing that I can't think of mentioning it here. And I sort of felt the necessary to keep it raw because that was really how Albus felt, and I was writing in first person.
Yes, I wrote Albus as a family person in this one.But I'm glad you actually liked his characterisation. I know what you mean about this being tell-y. The trouble was, it's someone narrating a life story thingy and I wasn't sure how to put it any other way. I will take your suggestion and try to correct it though. :)
The dates were important because of the prompt I was using for this. :) But, yes, I have a certain OCD about timelines. I get very confused about how to put them and end up messing them up. And in that meanwhile section... I must admit, I almost got weak enough to let Albus live. I argued with myself about how him dying was unnecessary, and how he must live, but I feel the poor boy would have never gotten over this otherwise, and he'd have never told Harry about it and the same vicious cycle would continue. I mentally apologised to Harry and Albus a number of times once I wrote this and felt terrible. I agree that Dad!Harry is hard. We've grown up with him and suddenly, he's so much older... it's very difficult to figure how he'd be as a parent. I'm writing Ron and Hermione as parents in another fic now and it's equally difficult.
Ginny's reaction... well, I honestly thought she'd be too shocked to react much. I think Ron is more reactive, Harry is somewhere in between and Ginny is just very, very shocked for a while. She's rarely frantic, though. She's strong and stubborn. First, she'd make sure she knows what happened to her son and then cry. I did write her frantic at first, but my Beta asked me to change it. :)
I'm surprised you thought this was beautiful, because I frankly thought this was the ugliest fic I've ever written. Everything was very crude and all the unpolished thoughts... the mental disorders associated and the way Albus met his end gave it a very ugly appearance, in my opinion. But to each, their own I guess, and I'm really glad you thought this was beautiful. :) And I hate ending stories too darkly. Sad endings, yes, but I don't like very angsty endings because I'm miserable for days then. And awwwh... you liked it so much? *huggles* Eeep, this is the first time anyone has thought anything I wrote was QSQ worthy. :').
Thank you so much for this, Ellie! This was amongst the loveliest reviews I've ever had and I'm so glad to have touched your heart. :) Pooja
Forever in her Shadow by phoenix_tearPatronus
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]
Summary: Dominique had never cared about anything is her life until her older sister Victoire managed to yet again overshadow her achievement with a bigger, better and more important one. The once close sisters are now drifting apart, can these two ever fix their relationship or will the rift just continue to grow?
Hello, Abi. :)
I can’t believe I haven’t read this yet, and I’m really glad I did. Even though the story is still in the introductory phase, you’ve already set up so many great relationships and plotlines for both Dominique and those surrounding her, and I’m really interested to see where you’ll take this.
One of the things I really liked about this piece was the style. It’s written using straightforward language, and it really gives us an insight into Dominique’s mind. I could see the little bits of sarcasm that she throws in, and you organized the little inner monologues brilliantly throughout the piece. The first person was really utilized, and I simply loved being able to see exactly how Dominique felt and reacted to everything that happened.
I think you’ve got a different take on Dominique, and even now she seems very fleshed-out and relatable. I love how you really show all of her insecurities, especially about being compared to Victoire, because the way you wrote it is extremely relatable. I do wonder how much longer she can stand not voicing any of these thoughts to Victoire, and I love how I can already feel you leading up to blowout. You also provide so many little details about Dominique; from her tendency to cause trouble, to what lessons she enjoys, to the slightest hints of her relationships with her friends that she just seems incredibly real. One thing I would say, though, is I might want to see more justification of why she’s a Slytherin, because right now she’s coming off more as a Hufflepuff to me. Brilliant job, though.
Another thing I found interesting was your version of Victoire. While we only see her from Dominique’s point of view, who thinks her sister is perfect, the reader is able to see that she’s not. It was very subtle, because of Dominique’s view, but I saw cracks in her ‘perfection’ ever so slightly when they were talking about Teddy. I could see how no matter how much she dressed up or looked pretty, she still didn’t have what she wanted: Teddy. And it was really hurting her. It really made her seem real to me, because of the fact that Dominique is telling the story makes her seem slightly Mary-Sueish at times, because of her beauty. I might, in later chapters, start to show more of this, because no one is perfect. I really think this could go far. I also loved the parallel between this piece and your one-shot about Victoire “ all the drama with Amelia “ and I think you should show more of this as the story goes on, to really flesh out Victoire.
One of the things that intrigued me the most about this was the complexity of the relationships, even in the first two chapters, especially between Dominique and Victoire. Dominique cares a lot about Victoire, that is obvious from the conversation with Teddy, but there’s the bitterness underneath that truly worries me. It’s like she’s in a constant struggle to voice her thoughts or to just let it be, and I don’t think that will work out for her in chapters to come. I thought it was really sweet when Dominique stood up for Victoire to Teddy, because it shows a lot about her character; always putting someone else before herself. I also adored Louis and Dominique in this, because he seems like the one to make her feel the happiest, and I wonder how old he is, because I don’t think you mentioned it. I also thought Bill was brilliant, being the one to comfort Dominique.
One of the things I would say, however, is that because of how many characters and relationships you’ve taken on with this, it might be difficult to continue all the storylines as the story progresses. I speak from personal experience that it is extremely difficult to maintain a lot of characters, especially if you add more when Dominique goes to school. It is possible, but I would really think through your outline to make sure that each character has his or her moment, and that they’re used in the plot. It’s just something to be cautious us, because it can be stressful to deal with when you need to get the subplots tied up and there’s a lot of them.
Overall, though, I think this is a really promising start, Abi. I love the situation and characters you’ve set up, and I really look forward to seeing more. The style and voice of Dominique is great, and I’m curious to see where you’ll go from here.
Ellie
Author's Response: Hi, Ellie =)
Wow, I think I've sat here for about ten minutes trying to respond to this but I've been flailing far too much =L Thank you so much for the lovely review! Characterisation is always something I struggle with so I'm really glad you think I'm doing all right so far and thank you for the advice as well =)
*Huggles*
~Abi~
Of Wolf and Man by Padfoot11333
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 2]
Summary:
At the end, Remus reflects.
This was originally titled It's oh so quiet and was written in Secret Spew VII for the fabulous Sophie / The owl.
I have arrived with the review I promised days ago, however crappy it may be. :)
I honestly really liked this, Lily. It developed really nicely, and I have to say the kiss from Sirius was a shock. I was thoroughly prepared for Remus to have it be unrequited. [:(] I have to admit I basically squeed when I found out it wasn't so.
The characterization was great, Lily. Remus's logic and just way of thinking (as well as self-pity) was shockingly accurate, as was Sirius's impulsive way. But my favorite person in this was probably Lily. I remember a quote from PoA, when Remus is talking to Harry, and it says she sees the best in people, and didn't judge (or something of the sort). I could really see her here; she's shocked, but she still keeps a somewhat calm exterior. :)
But I just want to give Remus a hug. His time with Sirius was so short, but I guess we all knew that would happen. Still had to hope for a bit of AU for a happy ending.
I did have one small quibble: I don't like how you had Tonks/Remus in this. I think that in canon, well, he'd have to be a really, really good actor to actually feel that way. Maybe she reminded him of Sirius? It probably could have stood better with just a little more explanation. The only other thing Icould say is that the ending is a little rushed.
Other than that ... great story, twin!
Author's Response:
But I had to keep it canooooon - although i get what you say about it being rushed and not detailed enough *sigh*
Maybe one day :D
thank youuuuuuu for the review, at any rate - i actually wasn't sure about Lily but I am super glad I managed to portray her correctly. (and i was in a happy mood when i wrote that, i suppose - hahah I'm not sure how i managed to fool myself into making Sirius in love with Remus BUTTTTT it will help me with my sirius/james)
Happy new year - I'm in an odd mood atm so sorry for the odd review response. Love youuuu
x LilyTea and Honey by Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 5]
Summary: Sometimes, you just need a good wake up call to tell you that something is unhealthy. This is the story of how Louis manages to convince Lily that what she is doing isn't good for her.
Hey, Maple. :)
This was probably one of my favorite pieces of yours to date. There was just so much depth to it, and I love your Louis and Lily. You jump right into the action, too, and even before their relationship progressed (and Louis’s feelings were revealed) you had me rooting for him instead of Sean. While on the topic, I really love how you gave us such a clear insight as to Sean and Lily’s relationship without ever showing it. Most of the time ‘in-action’ paints the best picture, but I love how much we could tell solely from the aftermath.
Probably one of the strongest parts of this piece was the characterization. It’s no secret that your Lily is lovely, but there was something slightly different about this version of her. While other times there were echoes of insecurity, this tackled the topic head-on. It was kind of shocking to see this obviously strong character so broken. We could tell she wasn’t a weak person, but hearing her say all those things about herself made me just want to give her a hug. Honestly, I think the most heartbreaking part of the piece was when Lily was drunk and had to explain herself to Louis; that she thought Louis was the only person she had a chance with because of what Sean had done to her. It goes to show just how one person can destroy another, even if they didn’t mean to.
This time, though, I think your Louis outshone Lily. He was just so patient, and he knew everything about her. It was the little quirks he remembered “ especially how Lily takes her tea “ that made him just seem so amazing. Lily just randomly shows up at his door, either drunk or bawling her eyes out, and he just understands. He kind of reminds me of Charlie from ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower” in that sense. But Louis wasn’t perfect, and that made it even better. He did lose his temper with Lily, and we could see how much the situation was hurting him, too. One thing I did notice, though, was that there really were no hints of how he was feeling about fancying Lily, even though it was obvious throughout the piece. At the end he wishes she’d come back, but Louis seems like he always is, calm and sure. It would have added another level entirely to watch Louis’s feelings about Lily develop throughout the fic, and perhaps a little confusion. I’m just not sure that even someone like Louis could realize he fancies his cousin without any kind of internal turmoil. But perhaps that is grounds for a sequel? :)
I did really love how the story progressed, though. We can see both of their pain, and you slowly build it up to a fever pitch. Rereading it, I saw hints of Louis slowly getting angry about how Lily is treating herself, and how, though it’s a jump in time, we see Louis’s first pieces of advice slowly sink into Lily. But when Lily was drunk, we knew that the slight hints of anger that Louis tried to hide would finally bubble to the surface. The only thing I noticed is that perhaps a middle section could help this piece; it starts with it seemingly be horrible, but Lily unwilling to leave Sean, but then suddenly she did dump him and showed up drunk on Louis’s doorstep. Lily didn’t seem to believe Louis when he tried telling her that her relationship with Sean wasn’t good for her, but it didn’t look like Lily was listening. I think it could explain a final push to break it off with Sean, show why she finally realized Sean was, for lack of a better word, destroying her. The jump from the first part to the second part just seemed a little large to me, which is why I suggested a median. It’s merely an idea, though. :)
I really did love this piece, though, Maple. I know Lily needs time to sort herself out, but I just want her to be with Louis. The end gives me hope for them, however, as well as making me want to read more about them. I would love to see a companion piece, as the thought of them together just makes me smile. You did a brilliant job handling Lily’s insecurities, and I want to see if she manages to fully overcome them. Overall, just a lovely piece.
Ellie
Author's Response: Thanks for the great review, Ellie!
I'm so glad that I was able to make the characterisation of this piece believable. That was something I was a little worried about given how unsure I was of a lot of the plot. You pointed out a lot of interesting themes associated with her that I had never even thought about! Like the insecurity and the brokenness. Like, I knew she was insecure and a little shaken up, but I didn't realise that it would resonate with anyone, if that makes sense.
I think I agree with the jump between the parts. I think I just couldn't see a scenario in my head (plus, I was like, three days over the due date and only had an intro paragraph ahaha). I think that if I were to rewrite this, I would definitely add one, and it's something I will be looking for in my other fics!
Maple :)
One More Night by xxbabewithbrainsxx
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 6]
Summary: Rose and Albus are forced to confront her changing relationship over the years, and Rose does not want to face the consequences.
This is babewithbrains of Ravenclaw writing for the Great Hall Valentine's Day Cotillion 2013.
Hi, Soraya. :)
This was a lovely start. After reading ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’, I was very curious as to how Albus and Rose managed to patch up their relationship after the first time. I can’t wait to see where this story goes, because I’m curious to see how Rose and Albus develop their relationship again, and how they destroy it again.
One of my favorite parts of the piece, though, was Lily. I loved her ‘no-nonsense’ attitude, and how she was so worried about Albus. Rose needed someone to remind her that there was another person being hurt by what was going on, and that someone needed to fix it. It makes me wonder a lot about how bad Albus’s mindset really was/is, because Lily didn’t seem like the type to fight other people’s fights, and it really made me think that the situation was bad. Also, I’m wonder how much of a role she - and specifically she and Louis - will play as the story continues.
I also really want to see how Rose develops into the person seen in the first of your Alrose’s. It was an interesting choice for a point of view for this story, especially because of how she treats Albus in the first piece. I’m intrigued by her mindset and why she hurts Albus the way we know she will. She tends to paint the situation to be Albus’s fault, and it’s interesting to watch the reality checks she is given, and how the truth is slowly being revealed. I also love how at the mere mention of his name Rose tensed up. It’s clear that they are both hurting and confused, but I am really drawn in by the idea that the protagonist is, in fact, the villain. Or is she? One thing I might be careful of, though, would be that sometimes Roses switches between detached and missing Albus a little quickly. I know she’s having an internal struggle, but it seemed a little too quickly, especially in the paragraphs right before the first line break.
One of the only things I can say about Albus is that I want to give him a hug. There’s just so much that’s going on with him, and he’s finally reached the point where can’t take it anymore. I especially loved all of the mentions of his eyes, of how empty they were, and just having Rose back in his life brought some brightness back to them. Part of me wonders how long it will take for them to hurt each other all over again and part wonders why he forgave her so quickly, or his lack of anger.
Something that stuck out to me was the brief interaction between James and Albus. I was surprised that James was being that harsh, when he could obviously tell that there was something wrong with Albus. It added to the image of Albus really just having it horribly rough, and I think it gave Rose the final push to talk to him. The encounter did make me wonder about James and Albus’s relationship, though. Part of me wants to believe that James is just really focused on Quidditch, and Albus was playing horribly, but part of me isn’t so sure. Albus didn’t need James beating on him, too, and it was clear James knew that. I found it shocking, and it felt like maybe their relationship isn’t great. I really hope to see it develop in later chapters, and for it to be explored more.
While I love how complex all of the characters and their relations are, I might watch how many you include in the story. The basic core is Albus and Rose, and sometimes involving too many characters can become a handful to manage and can detract from the core. That’s honestly one of the trickiest things of cousin pairings, at least for me- dealing with everyone else in the family. I’m really curious to see what will happen, and if Lily and James will ever truly find out what’s going on between Albus and Rose.
I can’t wait for the next chapter, but part of me doesn’t want to see it. It’s like Oedipus Rex; we all know what will eventually happen, but it doesn’t mean we don’t want to stop it from happening. The title particularly scares me in that aspect, because if the song echoes the theme of the story… I just want Albus and Rose to be together. I know Scorpius will come into the picture, but I honestly don’t know if Albus can handle being hurt again. Overall, this was a lovely start, and I really can’t wait to see what happens next. ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’ is one of my favorite fics on the site, and it is what made me consider Albus/Rose, so I am anxiously awaiting the next part of this. Best of luck in the Cotillion!
Ellie
Author's Response: Ellieeeeeee! I am so sorry for taking so long to respond D: Your review is far too fabulous and left me gobsmacked, really, hence why the late reply.
Honestly? When I first wrote I Will Lay Down My Heart, I didn't know exactly how it would be possible for them to patch up their relationship after the first time, so it was interesting writing about it. It was also nice writing more about Scorpius, though, because I think this is far more an angsty love triangle than in I Will Lay Down My Heart... and you know how much I love mah love triangles :3
Yaaaaay, you liked Lily! :D Mm, she isn't in this much. I think I just needed someone to get them to be friends again, and James was unlikely to after giving Albus such a hard time on the pitch. So Lily it was ;) But her role in this story is pretty minor, really.
I think I needed to have Rose's POV in this story. She was a right byotch in Blood and Roses, and she wasn't exactly sympathetic in I Will Lay Down My Heart, so I totally get why you felt you needed to see her mindset, and I hope I succeeded in conveying that mindset later on. One thing's for sure, though -- Rose isn't the villain :) There really isn't a villain in this at all, because all three parties have their flaws and awkward moments. In the case of Rose, yeah, she goes through being detached and missing Albus quickly, but this is, as you said, because of the whole internal struggle thing. I deliberately played around with her mindset there regarding Albus.
Aww, I'm glad my Albus is huggable! I love him too, and I felt so wibbly for hiim in a couple of scenes later on (which you'll see if/when you review the other chapters) that this one is nothing, hehe. Oh, and I know, ha, that I mention Albus's eyes a lot, but I am really glad you liked all the references. As for why Albus forgave her so quickly and his complete lack of anger as far as Scorpius is concerned, this is far more because he, at this point, lusts after her and wants above all to please her. Later, when he realises he is genuinely in love with her, that continues.
Ooh, it's interesting you picked up on the James and Albus scene. I know, James is rather harsh here, but he has his reasons. My reason, anyway, is that James is generally a lighthearted person, only ever becoming serious when it came to Quidditch -- hence why he gave Albus a hard time but then jokes with Rose in the next chapter.
Haha, I generally don't think of my Loulily canon in comparison to my canon for AlRose. Either way, I think this could only truly be an issue if there was headhopping taking place -- that is, the constant changes of POV, especially in respect to, say, Loulily happening in one room of the Burrow and AlRose happening in another. Nah, I think I'd prefer to just -- not ignore Loulily, but just to keep it out of the equations, if that makes sense?
I don't know much about Oedipus Rex, but I do know it's a tragedy. I guess this is too, haha, although to a lesser extent, I guess, plus you've actually read I Will Lay Down My Heart.
Thank youuuu for the fabulous review, and apologies again for responding so late :/
Soraya xxx
Marriage and Other Matters by Acacia Carter
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]
Summary: 
All Augusta wanted to do was apologise, but the minute she opened her mouth she somehow forgot how.
Hey, Jamie. :)
When I first saw the pairing you chose, I was hesitant to read this piece. It was an idea I had never even considered - especially with the new Pottermore information - but you did it really well. There was just something about the way Augusta and Minerva interact that showed their relationship without really outwardly saying it.
One of my favorite aspects about this piece was how you managed to take two fairly rigid characters from canon and write them younger and carefree, but still maintaining their characters. It was such a lovely insight into how perhaps they became the way they were, through both relationships each of them grew into the people we see in canon. It was a bit shocking to see that sort of Augusta, I’ll have to admit, but I really enjoyed it. It was in the way that she spoke, that you could tell she cared so dearly for Minerva, but the slight coldness because of her hurt that let me know it was still her, but in a really refreshing way. The moment I gained the most respect for Augusta was when she said it was her duty to marry, because it shows the fiercely loyal side that she shares with her grandson. Minerva, too, as we could see her internal battle with logic saying that this meeting was a bad idea and how she truly felt. It really shone through when they were talking about Augusta’s engagement, and how perceptive Minerva was regarding the exact meaning behind Augusta’s complacency with her marital position.
I really loved the style of this, too. Though the banter was mainly light and polite, I could sense all of the undertones of hurt and lingering feelings of Minerva and Augusta’s relationship. It slowly built, too, until everything is finally out in the open. I would have really loved to see more of their relationship before it was broken, because (especially at the beginning) I wasn’t convinced of their relationship, It’s so difficult to show all of the feelings from the present of the relationship when so many are blocking them when it’s told from a hindsight perspective, and I would have loved to see some heat of the moment. I did love what we did see, though; the arm touching, especially, because it showed the lingering spark.
I thought it was odd (in a good way) how they were never really bitter toward each other, yet they still wouldn’t reconcile. It was like it was their older selves bickering about something, but they were still close friends, and it was really just cool to be able to see that kind of relationship that can survive literally everything. They knew each other so well, so it was as if they simply couldn’t stay away (even a platonic way) for long. They just needed each other in any way they could, and every relationship can’t last, especially given the historical context. I just found it rare and nice how despite all that happened between them, it didn’t completely fall apart.
The part that shocked me was the ending, because of how Minerva and Augusta’s relationship was practically the same it had been since before the time jump, and because of the parallel between Neville and Hannah and what she and Minerva could have been. It really shows how Augusta maybe regretted not staying with Minerva, and how she believes in marriage for love. It was just an overall really sweet ending that wrapped everything up really nicely.
Overall, I thought it was a lovely fic, and though I had no idea what to expect with this pairing, it was a truly great piece. The banter and under tones were perfect, and I could easily see this happening in canon with the brilliant versions of these characters you’ve created. I can’t wait to see more of your writing, Jamie! :)
Ellie
As I Lay Me Down to Sleep by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 5]
Summary: Everyone gets picked on at school here and there; Albus Potter knew that. But when the situation with his own personal bully took a nasty turn, Albus found himself in a situation that was spiralling out of his control. Did his desperate effort to regain his peace of mind bring his world down around his ears?
I really should have reviewed this a long time ago, but I still don't think I can form coherent thoughts.
It's just so different, and (as I absolutely adore this ship) I wondered ever since I saw the drabble what else was to come. I felt so horrible for Albus during the entire thing; to be driven to the point where he needs the potion, then to become addicted... :( It made me easily begin to hate Scorpius, but I'm so glad he realized what an arse he'd been by the end. It's just sad to see that it took a horrible detox to a highly addictive potion for Scorpius to realize what he's done.
There's so much more I want to say, but this was just a;sdlkfjas;dfkljsaf;af and lovely and perfect and just so unique I can't really wrap my head around it. I can't tell you how much I love it; the ship, the way it was written, everything. It's a completely different take on Albus as well as Scorpius, and I adore it and major
Author's Response:
Of anyone who's read this, I'm the most glad that you like this story. At first, I had no idea how you would react, since it was about as romantic as a date to Burger King. However, I pushed on anyway, because I hoped that you would enjoy story and substance more than a haphazard get-together.
Teenage boys are stupid and thoughtless; I'm sure you know this well enough. They don't always mean to be cruel, but they do, and things like this happen as a result. With yet more teenage-boys-are-stupid-and-thoughtless, Albus put himself into a terrible position instead of simply standing up for himself or talking to the right people.
I think I'm most proud of Albus, because more than any other version of him I've done, he reminds me the most of the hesitant boy in the Epilogue, the one who is afraid to not meet expectations. He doesn't want to be weak or at Malfoy's mercy, yet in his efforts to hide his anger at what Scorpius had done, he did just that. Poor guy. :/
Making Scorpius into a bad guy was never an option. Yes, he's an antagonist and the primary source of the protagonist's angst, but it doesn't make him a bad person, but more of a bad decision-maker. And he realises this. You see that there is good in him because he doesn't want to hurt people. It's only a matter of him seeing that he had done and making the appropriate steps to try to repair the damage he'd caused. It was almost a relief to write the ending scene, because while they might not be best friends after this, I think they will both have a renewed respect for the other, as well as a change of preconception.
Anyway, thanks for visiting, and I'm glad you liked the story. :3
~Jess
Summary: Peter Pettigrew is far more complex than anyone gives him credit for. And that's all he wants, from anyone and especially from her: acknowledgement. Love. Respect. Yet unlike them, he was willing to do anything for it, including sacrificing it all.
This is Gmariam of Ravenclaw writing for the Great Hall Cotillion of 2013.
Hi, Gina. :)
I think Peter is a fascinating character, and I think you portrayed him brilliantly throughout the piece. It was interesting to enter his mind, especially during this period of his life, when he’s stuck between the two drastically different groups. Generally, we never get to see Peter’s side, and I really loved that about the piece.
One of my favorite parts of this story was the style. It was a really interesting choice using second person, but I think it wouldn’t have been as poignant if it had been in any other way. It shows Peter’s coldness at heart while still making him human, and I don’t think it could have worked in first person because of the fact that it would have to be from Peter (who wouldn’t think he was horrible), and third wouldn’t allow the glimpse into his mind. I also loved how at the beginning it was ordinary actions, but the style and way you wrote it showed the darker meaning and ending even from there; Peter’s slight detachment and small things, and slowly they start piling up until the ending.
I think Peter is probably the most difficult Marauder to write, but I think you handled him brilliantly. There was so much depth to his character; we see lingering attachment for the people he cares, or cared, about, but also we can see the slow descent into losing his identification entirely with the Order and his ‘old’ life. In the best way to phrase this, Peter was horrible in this, in the type that makes my skin crawl with hate for him. The thing that stuck out the most to me was the double standard with Marlene, that he could fool around with other people (and not ever mention it), but when she cheated once he was angry to the point of ordering her death. It was slightly confusing at times, because there were points I could believe Peter genuinely felt something for Dorcas, but other times I was convinced of this entirely cold, brilliant, and just insidious character that you’ve built for Peter., one I can easily see fitting into canon seamlessly. One small note, though: two lines before part four you accidently pluralized a word that shouldn’t be.
Regarding Peter’s relationship with Dorcas, I found it odd in a fascinating way. Because of how unfeeling and empty this Peter is, even in the beginning, I wondered how you would make a relationship even possible for someone like that, but you did. While their relationship was mainly physical, I got the sense that part of him genuinely did care for her, at least for a while, but at the same time she was an aspect of control in his life, an esteem booster. It really showed Peter’s conflict, and because of that in the first part it reminded me a lot of the song ‘Little Lion Man’ by Mumford and Sons. As time went on, though, I could see the changes start happening within Peter, and knew that on his side his ability to feel even remotely connected to someone was fading, much less romantically. Dorcas cheating was the final straw it seemed, and I knew something horrible was going to happen.
On that note, I believe that your ending was both amazing and horrifying at the same time, one of my favorite combinations. As soon as I read the break up, I suddenly knew what would happen, and that honestly scared me. It shows exactly how broken Peter was, and that any remainder of even the person at the beginning of the piece was gone. I didn’t want to believe that he would actually consciously make the effort to have a girl that he knew, and perhaps had the potential to care really dearly for, killed. I did find it odd that he said ‘the Dark Lord’ was the one to kill her, as I thought it would be a tip off to the Order that he was traitorous.
Overall, though, I really enjoyed this piece. It was a brilliant and unique insight into an extremely difficult character, and if you ever write more of Peter I will definitely read it. :)
Ellie
Author's Response: Ellliiiieeee! Thank you so much! Slowly but surely my sad little story is getting read, lol. Although I totally understand why people are scared, to be sure. Thank you so much for choosing it to SPEW. I don't even know how to respond. I'm glad you braved it and mostly enjoyed it, or at least found it well done since he really is a rat so there isn't much to enjoy. Let's see…the second person just popped out. I don't know if I could have written this particular Peter in any other way. And this particular Peter is unusual for me, because when I include him in Marauder stories I don't usually make him so awful. I usually think there must have been something decent in him for the others to like him and trust him. But writing this changed my mind. I really hated him writing this. Maybe second person was the best way to detach myself from it. As for his depth of character…well, in a way. I see him as pretty much all bad by this point. I think real depth would have been giving him some sense of remorse, and I didn't do that here, on purpose. He's already gone by this point. As for the confusion about his feelings for Dorcas…he was lonely, I'll give him that. So he liked her…but not enough to stay faithful, or regret her death. I'll check into that typo, lol. I'm glad you saw the ending coming - that means the story lead to it properly. Yes, it is a bit horrifying, isn't it? To think that not only did he do this to James and Lily, but to a woman he cared about and lived with? Ugh, what an awful human being he was. I had him say the Dark Lord because that's what the Death Eaters called him. Yes, it should have been a tip off, shouldn't it? He slipped. I don't tend to write a lot of people - sometimes I leave him out on purpose - but occasionally I will include him in Marauder stories, but again: he's different than this Peter, because I hate this Peter, and most of the time I think there had to be something better to him than this. Or maybe not. Writing this was not actually fun. I'm curious if you noticed anything about the title and the seven sections. I'm really hoping someone does, otherwise I worked too hard for too little result, haha. But either way - thank you so much for the review!! Yayay!! ~Gina :)
Underneath the Shadows by Ginny Weasley Potter
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 2]
Summary: Rose finds out a few things about Scorpius and is not sure that she wants to continue her relationship with him.
(Companion fic to 'Battered Heart', written for the Milestone Celebrations. However, both fics can be read independently.)
Hey, Pooja!
I can’t believe I haven’t read this until now. It provides a very interesting look into Rose and Scorpius’s relationship, as well as the opinions others had on their relationship. I loved how it started out relatively happy and fluffy, but then the cracks appeared, and by the end it had descended into complete brokenness. It showed great progression, and showed all of the faults and wonders of each character, Rose and Scorpius especially.
I thought the style choice here was interesting. It alternates between description and dialogue, which gives the reader a nice break from both, and it simply flowed nicely. We could see where Rose was more lost in thought, and where she was completely attentive to the scene. I also loved how it sounded like a teenager; the language wasn’t too poetic or too plain… it was just like she was talking to us. I thought that was really cool (for lack of a better word).
The characterization in this piece was certainly interesting, Rose and Scorpius especially. I loved how we saw all of Scorpius’s faults at once - his teasing of Rose, his mistakes early in their relationship - but also his strong points. I had suspicions from the moment that Hugo said he beat up that Matt kid that he had done something horrible, and I was right. I just loved seeing Scorpius’s dedication to his cousin, because it was obvious he felt the same about Rose (except in a romantic way). It shows itself beautifully at the end, when he refuses to let her walk away. On Rose: I think you really captured a teenage girl’s reaction brilliantly in the piece; she’s completely devoted to Scorpius, but slowly she learns things she doesn’t want to, and eventually it all breaks at once. I could see her forgive him for one or two mistakes, but once it hit three she was done. But she didn’t scream at him, and I thought that was great. Especially with a relationship so drama-packed at the moment (perhaps too dramatic with the multitude of mistakes Scorpius made at times), I love how Rose truly kept her head until they were alone. It said a lot about her character, and how much she loved Scorpius.
One of the most intriguing bits of this piece, though, was Hugo and his side-plot. While I confess I haven’t read his love triangle one-shot, he too is an incredibly complex character. At first, I thought he was merely looking out for Rose, but then he became almost malicious. While it seemed slightly unlikely Hugo knew all of that about Scorpius, you explained it with his family and friend connections. And after hating him for doing that to Scorpius and Rose, I felt sorry for him again. The love triangle side plot was very interesting, and it explained all of his motives. He’s in love with someone in love with a bad person, and if Annie and Matt do ever get together, he’s going to be in for a rough time. Honestly, I can’t decide whether or not I like this Hugo, but that’s a good thing, I suppose. He’s incredibly well-rounded, and he fit both the victim and the villain in this, which is definitely hard to do.
My absolute favourite part, though, was the ending. After everything was shattered in pieces, Rose and Scorpius still managed to pull through. It honestly said so much about their relationship, and I adored how Scorpius kept repeating ‘I love you’. He was desperately clinging to the hope they could work it out, and I love how he wouldn’t give up. It proved he was good after all, even after everything was revealed. I especially loved this: “Say that again,” she breathed, shutting her eyes and feeling his wet forehead against hers. The rain was still pouring down in torrents, and for a while, as they stood like that, foreheads connected, and hands held, the sounds of the rains seemed to be the only sounds all around.” There’s just something incredibly powerful about that moment, how they weren’t kissing but it was so incredibly intimate. It was just beautiful.
Overall, I just really enjoyed this piece. It was an interesting and complex dynamic between the three main players, and it was hard to pick out who was at fault at times, which I enjoyed. The world isn’t black and white, after all. Thank you so much for being an incredible SPEW buddy, and I hope to see more of this canon from you. :)
Ellie
