CHAPTER 14 IS UP! CHAPTER 15 IS IN QUEUE!
So well done!! I really love the direction you're taking Draco in this story (I just read all 7 chapters together & this pertains to the entire thing). I don't think you're going too far out of character with him, just exploring different aspects of him. Especially if you consider how he's evolved in HBP, I think it works beautifully. I can't wait to read the rest! You've won a new fan!
Author's Response: Ditto! :)
I saw a lot of good in this story. I liked the premise and the plot and I think that Ron particularly is true to his character. For example, he is very aware of each digression for her normal routine and behavior that Hermione makes. Draco is quite evil and obnoxious as well. I personally think that Hermione has a bit of a stronger character and wouldn't allow Draco to abuse her in that way. Also, the pacing of the story is a bit uneven. It moves really fast in the beginning and then slows down quite a bit in the middle and then speeds up again toward the end. I think this contributes to the characterization issue I had with Hermione - the abuse, I think, went on longer than it probably needed to. Finally, the story would benefit from some more instances of setting description, just to add some ambiance. Overall, I found it an entertaining read.
Nice start! I'm really interested to see more. You've totally got the twins down.
I didn't expect to see Snape in this piece at all. That was an interesting maneuver. The descriptions were nicely done and I was almost frightened during the attack scene. One minor thing that made Snape seem a bit OOC was that he almost said s---, which I can't see him doing. However, the quick thinking that allowed him to escape death at the hands of the werewolf made it a forgivable lapse. I have mixed feelings about the narration at the beginning; on the one hand it's written in this lovely, poetic voice, but at the same time, after reading the chapter, I felt like I would have wanted to move right into the action. Lastly, the monster at the beginning (which I can't at the moment seem to identify) was pretty creepy. Well done!
Great start! I love that you've stayed really close to their characterizations. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks, I tried hard to stay close to the characters! so, uhh, yeah...thanks!
Very sweet one-shot. The characterizations were spot on and I really loved the part with the boxers. I could completely see Hermione getting embarrassed by the moving broomsticks. I got a little confused toward the middle when he's kind of sending her off to bed. I couldn't tell if hse was just assuming that he wanted her to go to bed or if he really did. Also, I would have loved to see the kiss slowed down a bit. You built up a good deal of anxiety in Hermione over this gift, but there's no tension once the kiss is about to happen. Otherwise, nicely done.
Author's Response: Thank you, firstly for reading and secondly for being honest. That middle part was supposed to be a bit ambiguous-- I always pictured her as the sort of girl to get strangely paranoid about the tiniest things (socially, I mean). I'm not going to lie: I recently reread this, and I think it needs some editing (this isn't my greatest triumph to being with, either). I guess that just goes to show how much a writer's skills can improve within a half-year. If I do re-write it, I will definitely take your comments into consideration. I appreciate that you included them. Thanks again.
Oh my God!! I laughed out loud through the whole thing! Great concept and I love how you managed to keep everyone in character with their OoCness (does that make sense?) Priceless pranking from the Weasley twins :)
I also enjoyed reading this very much. I think you captured Snape so well it was scary (in a good way). One thing you may want to look at is that I believe (and could be wrong) that Snape's father was a muggle and his mother was the potions genius (HBP). I was a bit unsure about Lucius Malfoy as well. I wasn't clear about his motivation for being so "helpful" to Snape and so I couldn't get a handle on whether or not this characterization really fit him. Otherwise, really well done! I'll be looking out for later chapters.
I'll definitely be watching for updates on this one. Hope to see more soon!
I think this is an interesting story to read. It may be a bit OoC for Hermione to jeopardize her future like that especially since she's muggle born and would know non-magical ways to protect herself, but in the heat of the moment anything can happen, so I'm okay with her behavior. I'm not too convinced about the parents reactions, however. I'd expect Mr. Weasley's reaction from Mrs. Weasley who was surprisingly quiet. Also Hermione's parents, even though we don't see much of them in the books, seem a bit more intellectual and their reaction seems almost comical. I thought you might have been going for that comedic aspect, were you? Those points aside, I'm interested to see how the story unfolds.
This was pretty funny! Looking forward to see where it's going.
Author's Response: Thank you!
Despite the OoCness, I enjoyed reading this. It's actually very sweet and a bit sentimental at times. Since you're obviously aware that many of the characters are acting in ways that we would not expect, I'll accept this as an artistic choice and not be bothered by it. I read the whole thing at once, so I won't review each chapter. I think that maybe the part where Ron & Harry revealed their feelings moved a little fast. I really like Aunt Petunia and her newfound remorse. Anyway, nice job & I'll look forward to the rest of the story.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm a romantic at heart, and Ron and Ginny have liked Hermione and Harry for so long, I didn't want to make them wait. Join the everybody likes Petunia club! She has definitely been the hardest character to write. Chapter 6 will be up soon!
I enjoyed this very much. Your characters stike me as very accurate and I like that the letters aren't overdone - just right. You really get Ron & Hermione's voices in the letters nicely. My only small criticism would be some of the dialogue - in a couple of places it seems a bit unnatural. Reading it aloud can help with that sometimes. Just an opinion, but I also realize that the entire world doesn't speak the way I do, so I guess you can take it with a grain of salt. Nice work.
Wow! Very powerful. JK had said in an interview that someone had loved Snape, so I think this is a really nice elaboration on that. Well written and poignant - I can actually feel some sympathy for the both of them. Best of luck with the contest :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words, Ravensgryff! And you're right: JK certainly gave us lots to work with (both in the interview and in the last book)! I'm glad I was able to make you feel for these two characters.
I thought this was quite well done and I really liked some of your language and imagery. I particularly like the image of fire as a beast. I have to ask, though, why would a wizard use a match to burn down the house & not a spell? Is it because of the magical protections on the house? Wasn't clear on that. Otherwise, nicely done!
Very powerfully written. I could feel Bella's twisted little thrill and the tension throughout was also palpable. The arousal she experienced at torturing Harry is very much in keeping with sociopathic tendencies and you capture that without going over the top with gratuitous...stuff. Very much appreciated!
Although I understood why she got her kicks from torture - that's very clear - I wonder if you've ever delved into her background; why does she need such extremeness to feed her ego? What was missing in her to send her in that direction? If you haven't already, I think you could do a fabulous job with her earlier life as well. Wonderfully crafted.
Author's Response: OoOoO I like your idea. Might have a go at child!Bella later on (but first I must finish Seven Deadly Sins or be killed...) Thanks for the glowing review
Nice one!! I love Loki! Very funny action and nice bit of suspense at the end. Best of luck with this, fellow Gryffindor!
Author's Response: Thanks for the support, guys! : )
I like that you've looked more deeply into Harry & Hermione's friendship. This chapter gives it great depth and it's rather touching. I had tears in my eyes as well. They both seem to have gained a good deal of wisdom that surely would be gained from the devastating events at the end of HBP. Really well done and you've set a nice tone for the rest of the piece.
I've been following this story and I really love it. The pacing is really nice and I like the fact that you show a more open Ron and a more vulnerable Hermione. Their talk was well done with just enough awkwardness. I know you were talking about doing further chapters to include Harry and Ginny, but I think this is a perfect spot to end this story and then maybe pick up with the other two in a sequel. The way you ended it just seems very organic and pushing the story further just seems like it might be forcing. Just my humble opinion. Whatever you decide to do, I'll be keeping tabs :)
Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked the story. I really enjoyed writing it. I think I'd decided to stop this story here as it just felt right, and just do a sequel. It seemed to come to a natural end when I wrote it.
Wow! I loved it! Very romantic and sweet, beautifully paced, just the right amount of tension. The story that Ron told Hermione was great as well. It reminded me of how my husband used to tell me stories at night to help me sleep *blushing*. I almost paused where he says that he and Harry would miss her, but I think you justified it pretty well and it wasn't out of character for him. I like the bolder Hermione; it fits with the changes her character has undergone throughout the series. Wonderful job; this is going in my favorites!
Author's Response: That's actually the kind of sweetness I was going for (really cute anecdote you have there). I tried to cover my back with Bold!Hermione and Romantic!Ron by setting the story after Bill and Fleur's wedding - the suggestion I'm trying to make there is that that event sort of made something snap in place. Nothing like learning by example right? Thanks so much for reviewing!