Hello again Jess! You must be getting tired of all the emails you are getting my reviews :P So I decided that I'm actually going to give you a full legnth humungous review, or at least try to, as I don't usually do good reviews :P

What I loved about this fic is that it took me from wanting to cry to grinning like a madwomen in a matter of seconds. First of all, the use of Hestia’s character was extremely well done and very funny (at least to me). Next, I enjoyed how it went from being a seemingly dark fic to a very happy one at the end. I feel as if the pace was very natural, as they built up to the final snog at the end, and so I was able to root for the final get together throughout the fic, and not just have it shoved in my face at the very beginning. Also, I found myself lured in, even though there was a character death warning (which I usually avoid), and it wasn’t quite what I expected. The odd thing was, that while I would never go out of my way to find this pairing, the end left me wanting more.

I loved the character of Hestia Jones. I found her very real, as not only was she happy and funny, but she also held a darker side to her. This makes her very real, as instead of making her some absolute happy bunny, you made her three dimensional, while still keeping what was your original intention (or what I believe was original intention) of the fic intact. As well, I’ve always imagined Hestia Jones as some old woman, so your ability to completely change my image of her without going “um, what?” was excellent. What really impressed me was your depiction of Dean. Your ability to believably write a teenager, and a teenage boy at that really impressed me. I especially found that the last paragraph really channelled into the mindset of a teenager, for even though he doesn’t know everything about what is happening, he knows that this is what he wants now. I thought you channelled teenage boy amazingly well, and I tip my hat to that.

I thought that this story flowed very well for the most part, though I was slightly confused as to what was going on between Hestia leaving him and the whole Harry showdown thing. However, your ability to make a week pass so smoothly was fantastic, for I didn’t find anything rushed at all, and it felt very natural. I found your POV highly effective in depicting the story, and I was very impressed on how everything worked together throughout the fic. Your style in this fic was very straight forward and just like a story. I enjoyed that there was description, but not so much that it made me want to scream, and that there was dialogue, but yet enough narrative. The whole narrative just seemed so balanced, and I loved every minute of it.

Finally, I noticed a small little typo. Hestia says “Come, talk a walk with me,” when I think you mean her to say “come take a walk with me”.

This was another fantastic read, and I enjoyed it very much :)

~Maple

Author's Response: Quite the opposite, my dear. I love getting reviews that make my forcibly longer night brighter. And you, my dear, have done. I'm glad that you enjoyed the Dean and Hestia dynamic. There is a general perception that Hestia is old, but canonicallt, all that can be,said of her in terms,of,appearance is that she's pink cheeked and does not appear older than Tonks. That's all I need to make her my own. Anyway, typing this out on my phone really sucks, so I will just leave youwith a giant sqee and a thank you for your continued support. •heart• ~Jess

I don't read next gen...ever, but this was really cute. I liked how you managed to stuff 4 years into a one-shot and make it totally believable. I really suck at reviewing, but I'll try and give you a good one :P

II liked your characterization of the characters, especially Scorpius. i just looked back, and I realized that you barely mention their names, but you know exactly who they are. That's awesome :)

The plot moved along very nicely as well. There were a few sentances where the wording made me go huh? :S but I understood it with the writing around it. Overall, this fic was really adorable, and I think you did a great job. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I think that this is a very sweet teacher/student moment. I have always loved interactions between Hermione and Remus, so this innocent little scene is lovely. I think that you have Remus’ patience and dedication to his students characterized quite well, and I think that the small detail of Hermione being a detail oriented person was quite clever. Overall, this is definitely a very cute little story.

Maple

First of all, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was beautiful and it made me want to cry at the end, which is good, given that I am not a person who is easily brought to tears.

I like the idea of Luna being someone who just listens. This would explain her insight into a lot of things, as she often picks up on unusual things and comments on them in canon. Another good thing you did was have Luna and Cho as not really friends. I have never really seen them getting along, so to have Cho use her as someone to talk at, but never to was a very good thing to do, in my opinion. I also really enjoy her little tidbits of wisdom. It’s definitely Luna-like. She is also blunt, as we have seen her before, which is good. I find that Luna can be quite hard to write, and you appear to have her written quite well. She is not too over the top quirky, and yet she isn’t dull. You have managed to create a very balanced character.


I thought that Harry bridged into OOC a bit. For example, his comment of “and my Uncle is a Blast-Ended Skrewt� was a little too harsh, as he has been nothing but kind to Luna in canon.

I thought your Fred was very nicely done. He was funny enough, but you really brought out the more serious side to him, which was very good. He was completely lovable.

I really enjoyed the moment when Luna calls Fred “Ginny�. After a rather serious opening, the comic relief is nice without being overbearing, and the conversation sounds natural.

Overall, I really liked the pace of the story. I think that it covers the years without being horribly rushed. I really liked how at the end, you managed to get an emotional response from me. One that was both very, very sad, and very angry at the same time. Excellent job.

I thought Luna’s thoughts on fancying someone was interesting, and to a certain extent, it makes sense for her. A lot of Luna’s thoughts felt very weird, yet natural, really.

I think that one of the greatest strengths of this story is how you made the pairing believable. The progression of their feelings towards each other has a very natural pace to it.

Overall, this was a lovely read, and you have created a new OTP for me :)

~Maple~

Author's Response: Sorry for not replying sooner; it's been months since I logged in here and I honestly forgot about it, haha. Firstly, thanks very much for the kind words. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and had so many good things to say about it. :) As for the criticism on Harry, yes, I completely agree. Admittedly that was the part of the story I put the least effort into, and it really shows. I'd rewrite the whole scene if I had the time and motivation to, but alas, I have neither. So! I greatly appreciate the feedback, and I hope you have a lovely day/week/year. :)

Someday I will leave you a fantastical review but today I'm too :O at reading this (and actually finishing a Jess fic) that I just can't even get the brainwaves to actually give a good review going. I thought that this was fantastic (I love cross-gen relationships). I loved how your really didn't describe Oliver, meaning I could picture him however I wanted, and that you gave just enough description of Roxanne. The profanity was also handled really well, as it wasn't in your face, but integrated in such a way that it was believable, and as it would be normally. This was a wonderful fic, in all.

Author's Response:

Hehe, I was surprised you got past the swearing, but being in tune with the world of athletics, I can tell you for sure that there is farrrrrrrrrr more cussing amongst athletes than pictured here, lol.

About their relationship, I wanted it to be sort of hinted at in the beginning, but still be an oh-em-gee moment when they do finally let the sparks fly. They're both intense people, and it makes for some even more intense fic. 

Thanks for reading, dear, and I'm glad you liked it. :D

~Jess

Soooooo cute :) I loved James's reaction, and I thought that Ginny was simply hilarious. I'm glad you didn't get into all the gory details :) It's a lovely lovely story :D

Author's Response: Hi Maple, thanks for reading this story! I'm not sure many people would want to read the details, so I just wanted to touch more on Harry and Ginny's reactions. And the kids, as well. Thanks for the lovely review, I really appreciate it! ~GIna :)

What a lovely story! It is beautifully written, and the final reveal of Cormac is very satisfying.

In the opening, I really enjoyed how you employed many different types of imagery. Instead of simply giving visual imagery, you give us sight, touch, sound, and scent. I found it particularly effective how you began with visual imagery, as it helps create a picture in the mind, which really draws the reader in. By describing the sounds and scents of the scene, the reader is then drawn further into the scene, making it seem like they themselves are there. Finally, by describing what exactly Hermione is physically feeling, I felt that I was Hermione, making me feel immediately drawn into the situation, and making it a much more personal experience. If there was one thing that could be added to the description, it would be to give a sort of timeline. I found myself slightly confused as to when this takes place, and it would be nice to have a general idea.

Your characterisation of Cormac is really well done. You have him as pushy, as we have seen him in the novels. Having him continuously push himself towards Hermione, taking all control of the situation is exactly how I imagine Cormac to behave, especially as Hermione described him as being pushy and very physical at Slughorn’s party.

Hermione is also well-done. Everything we have seen from Hermione in Half-Blood Prince is being repeated here. I really enjoyed watching her thoughts evolve from thinking only of Ron to thinking that maybe Cormac could be something.

The dynamic between the two characters is lovely. I found it completely realistic that Cormac would be the one that Hermione uses to make Ron jealous – he’s his perfect competition in every way. He is better at him in Quidditch, something Ron is insecure about, and he was pursuing Hermione at the same time he was considering it. I thought that you brought Hermione and Cormac together very naturally, with Hermione’s mental tug-of-war and Cormac’s physical domination and attraction.

I really enjoyed the style of this piece. I thought that the lack of names led to a higher level of suspense, and really made the reveal of Hermione’s dancing partner much more exciting, for while we know exactly who Hermione is and who Ron is, we have no idea who the dancing partner is, and the build up to that is very exciting.

Lastly, I really liked how the structure followed Hermione’s thoughts. How it starts from a straight up this is wrong, goes through this area of turmoil shown through the alternating paragraphs of denial and her moments of hesitations in thinking it may work, and then finally ending in a yes. It really created a fantastic ride for the reader.

Overall, I found this to be a lovely journey for the reader, as your writing really brought me straight into the story, not as an observer, but as Hermione herself.

Maple

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, I have no idea where to begin with this... Thank you so much for this AMAZING review. It's crazy to think that someone actually enjoyed this story enough to write so much about it :) The feedback on the characterization and realism was really helpful, especially that I'm finally writing again. I have no idea how else to thank you, but just know that some passages of this review are written down by my computer for me to use as motivation :D Thank you so much!

Hello, Hannah!

This story was interesting for me. As someone who has never really experienced anything even close to what the characters were feeling, I had a hard time relating to the story, but at the same time, I felt a sick feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, almost like I knew that this story would end the way it did, without having noticed the character death warning at the beginning. I think it was because everything that was described in the story was dark. Phrases such as “heavy with the promise of dawn�, “murky predawn chill�, and the stinging water all create a very cold, dark, and hopeless atmosphere, which I felt really helped focus on the tone of the narrative, and really foreshadowed Katie’s death, as death is cold, dark, and hopeless.

I think that your characterisation of Oliver was really quite good. I think that having Oliver show extreme emotions was spot on, as from canon, we see Oliver as a passionate person who does show extremeness, especially when it comes to losing. I think that the one line that really stuck out to me in terms of Oliver was that he “doesn’t do losing�. I think that this is really key in your characterisation, because Oliver has never really coped well with losing, as seen when he spent hours in the shower in PoA.

I couldn’t help but feel all of Oliver’s guilt throughout the story. I think that the fact that he will now take the blame for two deaths is absolutely heartbreaking, especially since both were accidents. With Katie, it seemed to be that he really was only trying to defend himself, and didn’t mean to kill her, but, in that moment, we already see that he thinks himself a murderer, and I found myself feeling guilty with him, though I find him innocent. I think that you really show emotion in this story, causing the reader to inadvertently emphasise, which is interesting, and definitely effective.

One thing that really struck me as odd was your use of Marcus Flint. For some reason, I cannot really see Katie sleeping with him, not so much because of the old rivalries, but more because he is just so icky. I could understand why she would do it, and I think he really is the only one who would get Oliver so riled up, but at the same time, I do think that Katie would have been a little more disgusted with the fact that she slept with someone who so resembled a troll and was a real jerk than she gave off.

What I think is really interesting is how you chose to depict the moments before dawn. I saw that the prompt was sunrise, but yet the way you employed the time of night/early morning was quite interesting. Dawn has classically been associated with new beginnings, like spring, but yet you chose to end something at dawn, so it is not a new beginning, but rather an end, which is traditionally associated with night or fall. As I was reading, it really stuck out to me that it ended as a new day unfolded, but yet it worked, as you continually described the morning as cold, dark, and chilling.

Finally, in terms of organisation, I really appreciated how you opened the story with dialogue. For me, having someone say something and then describe what’s going on makes for a stronger opening. I am more willing to read through description if I know that there will be some sort of reaction to what the character has said. The dialogue serves to pull me through the times of little action, because I want to know why Katie is hard to find, and how she will react to it. Furthermore, I thought that your description was rather nicely done and very complete. I was given a full picture of the scene, with all corners of the canvas painted, instead of having one landmark and nothing else.

Overall, I thought that this was an excellent snapshot into the devastation that Oliver’s life has become, and I think that your ability to cause the reader to feel all of the emotions when they have never experienced anything close to this really makes this story sparkle.

Maple

Hello!

What a very interesting story, I quite enjoyed it. I love how you took such a brief moment from the books mentioned by a character that invokes pity from the reader, and turned it against the character, making us pity Olive instead.

I enjoy how the two different sections of the fic contras each other. In the first section, we pity Myrtle and, even though the protagonist of the story is Olive, we despise Olive. But in the second section, the roles are flipped, and we pity Olive again. This is very effective in showing all sides of Olive, which I think makes her a deeper, more three-dimensional character.

The description of Olive was very interesting. She was pretty, but her looks are forgettable. From this, the reader can gather that Olive is attractive because of her confidence and assertive personality. This creates a strong character that immediately gains likeness from the readers. Yet, as soon as names are mentioned, the like that the character has gained is lost. I think this creates a very interesting development in the characterisation of Olive that finishes at the end, when the reader pities her. We go from admiration, to dislike, to pity. Doing this is only 1000 words is definitely an amazing feat!

I also thought that your characterisation of Tom, who was really not a part of the story at all, was very clever. It was a very realistic characterisation from what we are given in canon. Characterisation is definitely the strongest part of this story -- even the minor characters are excellently characterised.

There are a few canon errors in this story. Firstly, I don’t think that eyes can be fixed by magic. If they could be, why would Dumbledore, McGonagall, Arthur, Percy, and Harry all wear glasses? I think that eyes are like scars -- they can’t be fixed by magic. Secondly, the Beast, Being, and Spirit Division is not one division, but three separate ones, according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

Overall, I thought that the plot advanced in a very natural and believable way. Nothing felt jumpy or forced. Each section flowed into the next naturally. I also thought that Olive’s reaction was very believable. I think that her seeing Myrtle dead on the floor after she had bullied her into that bathroom would result in the reaction that it did. I think she would definitely feel the guilt that she did, so much so that it would cause her assertive personality and self confidence to diminish.

In conclusion, your characterisation is very strong, as is your plot development. In this short story, you have managed to pull off amazing characterisation, character development, and plot development. With just a few canon checks and changes, you could take this great story into an amazing one.

Best of luck in your writing!

Maple

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I'll check the part about the glasses. And thanks for the comment on the Beast, Being, and Spirit. I lost my copy of FBawtFT, so I definitely missed that.

Hello! What a very interesting read. I had a lot of fun reading this, as it was very creative and full of a lot of great dialogue.

What I really loved was that they really only began talking to each other because Pansy was concerned with how she was appearing to the general public. This was both a realistic way to get the two talking and very true to how I picture Pansy in general. Throughout the series, I always got the impression that Pansy was very concerned about appearances, as she was a prefect and hung off Malfoy’s arm all the time. I loved Pansy’s snarky tone throughout the entirety of the fic. It made her likeable, which is very important when pairing her with Harry, as she is generally unliked throughout the novels. One thing I found a bit off about Pansy was her venture into the Muggle world. I found it a little hard to believe that someone who is known to use the word “Mudblood� and who was willing to give up Harry and therefore let Voldemort win would want to work in the Muggle world. That being said, it was interesting to watch Pansy’s reaction to what she did in DH in the first part. It was nice to see some sort of regret or shame in a character that the reader would never expect to see it from, but yet the way it was presented felt realistic, and I was totally convinced that she was actually remorseful.


At the beginning, I felt that Harry’s character was slightly off. I had a hard time believing that he would attack a superior during training for a job he’s wanted for a long time. As the story went on, however, I felt more at ease with his character as more things were explained, such as his diagnosis with PTSD. What I found really helped convince me of his characterisation were the little details that were thrown in, such as Harry’s distrust for Slytherins in general, and his reasoning for wanting to settle down and marry Ginny.

What I loved about this story is that the relationship unfolded naturally. Having Harry and Pansy continually meet up at the same sort of events was definitely realistic and made it so that nothing about their relationship felt pushed. The slow development from hate to acceptance was especially nice to watch, as Harry could have easily just hated her for the rest of their lives for being willing to offer him up to Voldemort. Furthermore, having them continue onto casual acquaintances, to friends, and to lovers was lovely. Every event from the time they became friends to becoming lovers felt absolutely real. It read like any other romance – the friend zone to casual attraction to jealousy to arguments to acceptance and finally to the admittance to each other. I found myself rooting for this pairing which I had never considered or ever thought I’d like because of the way the relationship developed.

I found it very helpful that you explained what exactly happened to each of the canon pairings to get the pairings that are in this story. Upon hearing that Hermione was marrying Theo, I felt a sense of disbelief, as I could find no reason why they would even be together, and I accepted as simply a way to get Pansy and Harry to meet again. Having the explanation later on was nice, and allowed me to further buy into the story, as it there was nothing left unexplained.

A scene I would have really liked to see was one where Harry transitioned from calling Pansy by her surname to her first name. I think that this could have created a lovely scene and would have softened the change in the repetition of the last names in each section, as it felt a bit abrupt.

Overall, I really liked the general structure of the story. The sections made the dividing of scenes feel more natural instead of choppy, like line breaks can often make a story feel. I loved that it was separated into short, easy to digest scenes that shared little moments. Furthermore, you made everything flow together through the repetition of greetings in each section. I thought that the way you bookended the story was very clever, having the fic begin and end with the mention of the Battle of Hogwarts.

Lastly, your use of dialogue was fabulous. Having the fic based almost entirely on dialogue really made the chemistry between the two sparkle. You managed to convince me of the pairing simply between the interactions between them, and not any surrounding circumstances or physical attraction.

This was definitely an exciting and interesting read. I especially enjoyed how all the scenes fit together and the dialogue between the characters. Great job!

Maple

Author's Response: Wow. This was an amazing review. I am boggled. Thank you SO much for your wonderful review and critique. I really appreciated it. Also, I am glad you enjoyed it and noticed all the tiny nuances that I worked hard to get into this story.
Cheers!