Hiya, Beiriny. So, I really liked this poem! I don’t usually read them and really can’t write them so I envy you. I have to say I may be a bit biased as Lily/James are my OTP but I really did love this. You got over Lily’s feelings really well of how she feel’s split into two. I like how you repeat ‘My heart in half’ over and over again, it get’s your message across really well. ‘Or the man, with natural flair’ I think this line describes James really well. As I think that Lily was somehow uncontrollably drawn towards him when she first started to like him, and you managed to describe it amazingly. However, I really dislike the fact that you give Lily feelings for Snape. I personally hate to think of her giving him a second though. I realise that they were close friends and she may have had a small crush on him when they were children but I don’t think he was anything compared to what she felt for James, I really don’t think she had any real feelings for Snape at all. However, we just have different views and opinions. I did really, really enjoy and like this poem though!
**beams** This story won the third round of the Character Clinic Triathalon! Category: original characters
**beams again** This story was nominated for 2010 Quicksilver Quill ~ Best Original Character
Oh, wow. I loved this! I actually read it several weeks ago, and then came back to read it again it stuck in my mind so much. One thing I noticed when reading this was flow, your sentences just run together so well. Nothing ever seems awkward, it's just really well done. I'm actually quite jealous, as when I'm writing it can sometimes take me ages to get one paragraph right.
I love the idea of James not being against Slytherins as I think that would be something that Harry would instill on his children from a young age. I also found Kenley's attittude against her stepfather really interesting, as you seemed to get it just right.
I have one point, and that is some of it is slightly american. For example; [i]She nodded, easily imagining him stocking shelves or greeting customers in the Happiest Store on Earth.[/i]
For future reference us British would just call it a shop.
Apart from that I really enjoyed reading this! Your characterisation of James was just right and Kenley is such an interesting character!
Author's Response: Sarah, you have absolutely made my evening. You read this twice? You rock. :) Seriously, I'm really glad you liked it. I'm thrilled you thought it flowed well. That was a concern of mine initially in the first section of prose, as prose is not my best thing. I'm glad you thought it worked all right. Kenley has some father issues, and they will play out in nearly all her relationships with men, including Brian and James. I can't believe I missed that about the "store." Did you notice I did manage to get "shop front" and "pavement"? Yay, I got those right. :) This is a big deal for me, and I'm glad I had some Brit help with those details. I will change the reference you mentioned, though--thanks for pointing it out. I have written more of this story, and it will eventually be a chaptered deal, with this being the first chapter. Unfortunately, I'm not ready to post more yet. But I'm glad to know that if I do, I will have a reader or two. Thanks again for this lovely and thoughtful review. I appreciate it.
Hello! This review is for the first chapter, the calm before. Can I just say, you nearly had me in tears when you wrote about Madame Pomfrey thinking about the students as her children. I had never actually thought about it in that way before, but it is true. She would of. I love the idea of her and Madame Pince being friends, as they probably would have been. I have one little nit-pick and that is that at the end your sentence’s don’t really flow as well as they could. It feels kind of broken. Apart from that, I can’t think of anything. I really enjoyed and liked reading this and I can’t wait to read the rest! –Sarah
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The word Matron has many meanings: a woman who is head of the nursing staff in a hospital, a woman in charge of the medical arrangements in a boarding school (like Hogwarts) and a woman who is thought of as being mature, sensible, and of good social standing. Madam Pomfrey is all of these. The final sentences were deliberately short as the action began. Perhaps, stylistically, it does not work. I will take another look at it. N
Well, you suggested this to me on the boards and I'm completly blown away! The charecterisation in near enough perfect, the plot is entralling and fantastic and I'm sorry- but I think I'm going to have to read this again and again. I love how you manged to make D/H canon, not many writers actually manage that. You didn't make them Heads and shove them in a room together you actually sat and thought of how they could work- and you really managed to do that. The end is completly heartwrenching and you have managed to make me love Draco even more than I already did. I'm sory I don't have any constructive critisicm but if I think of any I will come back!
Author's Response: Thank you, Sarah. I wrote this very much as a challenge to myself because I don't really believe in the pairing - well certainly not in the usual Head Boy/Head Girl shared dorm scenario - but I wanted something that could be plausible. Plus I was interested in Draco's possible redemption. I feel quite sorry for Draco in the end, but I'm pretty sure it couldn't work long term - they'd have to give up far too much. :( Thanks for the review - I'm glad you liked the story. ~Carole~
He returned with a quiet sadness and a surprising new responsibility to keep him focused. She returned with a misplaced bitterness and the matching position that forced them to work with one another. Yet fear, resentment, and stubborn arrogance kept pushing them apart, even when they were meant to be together.
Winner, Quicksilver Quill for Best Canon Romance. Thank you!!
I've been meaning to review this forever but I've never gotten around to it. I have to say, Raindrops is one of the few stories that I read even though it isn't completed and that is really saying something. I love how you have characterised Lily and James. Some people make James too silly and Lily too serious but you haven't done that here. Also,I'm so happy that we've finally found out who Sirius was seeing! They seem like the perfect couple. I really hope Lily and James get together soon. Sarah
Yet again another great chapter! I'm so glad that Lily and James are starting to see sense. Oh, and waiting with flowers? I think my heart just melted.
Wow, this is amazing. You really have me on the edge of my seat here, as you do every time you update! I love how the plot is never slow and I feel you have characterised the marauders perfectly. Ohhh, and I really want to know the Sirius story! Can't wait till you update again!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! You'll get to learn more about Sirius soon and I hope you enjoy it. He just sort of wiggled his way into the plot, lol. Thanks again! ~Gina :)
This is lovely! So cute. I think you got Lilly's character spot on.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad it was in character, I was worried about that since I haven't really written Marauder's Era in a while. :)
Oh,wow! This is so simple but so amazing.You have really shown how you don't need a complex story line and flowery language to have a great story. I love how Harry came to his uncles funeral, that is so like him. I also love his and Petunia's interaction with each other. It really felt like closure. The only thing was I found it difficult to swallow that Dudley is in prison as it doesn't seem quite like him has I always saw him as a bully not a criminal, but then I could be wrong and any amount of things could have happened to Dudley since we last saw him in DH. However, I truly loved this story!
There is no love between them; there is only passion and burning desire.
But for Susan, this is enough. She has loved and lost before, and she can’t handle losing again.
The lust is much easier to deal with.
* Originally written for the What a Pair SPEW Drabble Challenge.
Nominated for a 2012 Quicksilver Quill Award - Best Same Sex Pairing.
I loved this! At first I was a bit concerned that there seemed to be little plot but you really proved me wrong at then end with the huge twist.However unlikely this pairing may be you made it seem likely which is a huge accomplishmaint so very well done you! I feel like you really brought us into the mind of Susan. It is just an overall great story.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! The beginning is a bit shallow, I agree, and I'm happy you thought the twist made it deeper :). Thanks for reviewing! xx Ariana
I really really enjoyed this story! Am I right in thinking that this is either a continuation of something or something is going to follow it? I really hope so anyway. I have some small nit picks. I take it your not from Britain's as I noticed this
"instead of my sensible flats"
Here in Britain we wouldn't call them flats, rather flat shoes. Also, I noticed you used the word 'dating'. In Britain we mainly just say 'going out with'.
Apart from that I really enjoyed this. You made a muggle posing as a witch seem really credible which is an achievement as I never thought it possible. I love how you show that George is still raw from Freds death and I love hocharacterisederised Molly, she was perfect.
Author's Response: Yes, indeed, I am not from Britain. I will update with "flat shoes" and "going out with". The other story with the same character and situation is "Rabbit Test". Thank you for reviewing! Perhaps one day there will be a follow-up. I had said when I completed "Rabbit Test" that it was a one shot, and that was it. But here we are again!
It's Harry's first Halloween, but the raging thunderstorm prevents an overly eager Lily from taking him out to trick-or-treat. Instead, she, James, and Sirius spend one of their last carefree moments together.
Such a lovely lovely one shot! I love how you have captured the atmosphere, it's perfect. Its so cute and festive.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you think it still turned out well, I hadn't touched it for little over a year when I stumbled upon it :). xx Ariana