Hi! I'm Katrina and I am not J.K. Rowling (just to avoid any confusion there).
I've been writing on MNFF since about 2010, but up until a few months ago had not written anything for quite some time. So I am trying to get back into writing, and have quite a few stories percolating in my head, but I just need to find the time to write them.
I basically only write one-shots (I have one three chaptered story), and they're usually character explorations and snapshots rather than long plots, but I've written about a variety of characters, so hopefully there's something you'll enjoy. I like experimenting a bit with form too.
Anyway if you have stumbled here by accident, I do hope you enjoy something.
Summary: The story of a funeral and the meaning of family.
Firstly, I have to applaud you for choosing to write Petunia and really pulling her character off. She's hard to write because there's almost nothing sympathetic about her in the books.
Right from the first few lines, you captured the idea that Petunia feels out of place here.
Imagine, I was the one feeling ridiculous for wearing a normal dress. This line was just fantastic, for a few reasons. You just completely captured Petunia in it, but I also loved your use of the word "imagine", because it's not a word usually in her vocabulary and it really highlights how out of place she is in this magical world.
Just a small nitpick - you've written and when we were in the same room, arguments tended to fill the room. (second paragraph). The repetition of room feels a bit awkard, perhaps you could write "place" for the first one?
I don't joke. Jokes are ridiculous and juvenile. Once he realized it was true, he was outraged that I had never told him. He’s still not quite speaking to me. Dudley is the only thing that’s holding us together, if it weren’t for him, I would be at some lousy hotel with that little boy, Harry. (Sorry for quoting so much back at you). This is just fantastic - the line about joking is so in character, but then you move onto the harsh reality of Dudley being the glue between her and Vernon, which is almost hard for the reader to imagine because throughout the series Vernon and Petunia seem very together, but I think it's also very realistic. As Carole pointed out, there is a bit of a timing error there, but if you do get to fix it up I don't think it will change it that much... I can imagine Vernon not talking to Petunia for a while simply because it's her fault that they have to look after Harry now.
Another little thing - you've written there was hardly any chairs that I could see and it should say "there were...".
The house elf was a wonderful touch and very believable, both from how you wrote Petunia and the elf's reactions. I also loved the scene with Hagrid, and almost smiled when Petunia thought he might be dangerous... some things are the same in the wizarding and Muggle worlds.
And then Remus. Wow. As other reviewers have said, Remus is usually cool, calm and collected, but in a different way to Petunia, who refuses to let others see her emotions, and I think it's entirely realistic that Remus is so upset, because as he says in the story, he has lost everyone.
I turned around and nodded mutely at the young man standing. He sat beside me, placing his head in his hands. I couldn't decipher his age, for though his hair was greying, and the bags under his eyes seemed darker than his black robes, his face conveyed youth. His eyes portrayed the fear of a young child, though they also showed the sorrow of an old man. He looked tired, so tired. His eyes were hidden by his hands, and I wondered if he were sleeping. The sleeves of his robes were pushed up, and I gasped at the long scar that stood out on his arm. He looked up, and saw me staring. I blushed as he winced, and tugged his sleeves back to his hands. This whole paragraph is just a perfect introduction to Remus and you just capture everything he's feeling. I loved how you wrote him as being both old and young, because he has been through so much and yet he also just wants to be comforted.
Your writing is beautiful throughout the story, and you have the ability to write wonderful paragraphs and dialogue, but then bring out a single sentence which just stands out, like
His sorrow was enough for the both of us. (Although I would cut out the "the" before "both of us".)
I wished Vernon was with me. He could defend me properly, he could keep me safe. I liked that you've explained what Petunia sees in Vernon - she sees him as her protector (after all, there's not much positive to say about him...) I particularly liked when she compared him to James and showed why she thinks Vernon is the perfect husband. Also showing her vulnerability and her need for him makes it seem like there is at least a part of their relationship that is tender, or where they need each other.
I loved your characterisation of Dumbledore. He was only in the story briefly, but immediately I knew who he was and all his lines of dialogue and actions were wonderfully in character, particularly his comment to Remus.
I walked towards my car, shaking off the grief that people had left on me. I'm going to keep my family away from all this. I thought to myself. Keep Harry away, keep my family and me away from the many horrors in this wizarding world. Those lines are just so well-written and help me understand (at least a little bit) why she and Vernon behave the way they do in canon. It's natural for humans to be scared of the unknown, or what they don't understand, or where they don't belong, and I think the way Petunia suffered (although it was partly her own fault) during her childhood/teen years with Lily being a witch only adds to this. I loved the idea, too, that what she wants is to protect her family.
I really enjoyed this story, it was so well-written and you really achieved something difficult by making the reader empathise with Petunia.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! You're very right about the repitition there, I hate awkward redundances like that, I'll go and change it later. It really means a lot what you said about Remus, as he is one of my favorite characters and I'd like to do him justice. Thanks for reading!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet
– William Shakespeare
But for Lily and James Potter, it wasn't that simple.
This story really made me smile, Annie. At first when I saw the title and the R&J quote, I thought this was going to be a cliched 'two people from opposite houses fall in love' sort of story... so I'm glad you took that quote and used it in another context.
As Soraya said, the dialogue in this is so well-written. The characters really come alive through it. I smiled constantly at how opinionated and picky James and Lily were, but it was sweet at the same time because they wanted something to be perfect for their little baby.
There are a fair few fics around which are James/Lily and quite light, which seem to ignore Voldemort and the war entirely, which seems unrealistic (especially considering how dark things get in the last 3 HP books... and the characters say it was worse last time), but this story is more one of those "finding the good times amongst the bad" moments. Because you mention the war, and not wanting to bring a child up in it, and you mention Death Eaters and the Order, and yet the characters are also able to have fun.
Just a small little nitpick - you've written There’s eight days to go., when it should say "there are..."
Anyway, I loved this fic. The dialogue was excellent as were the characters and the humour.
Author's Response: Thanks very much for your review Katrina! I'm glad it made you smile, 'cause believe me, it was a lot of fun to write. Yeah, I did want to try and write something Lily/James that hadn't really been done before, for fear of falling into clichéd plotlines. Regarding the nitpick, I will fix that as soon as I submit this response. Thanks for reading and reviewing! ~Annie
Summary: This was inspired by a TV spot for the last film. "We never left." What if this were true, if there were some truth to that dearest wish we hold when we have lost someone? This explores the idea with different characters.
This was a beautiful set of fragments, and I loved how you used that line "We Never Left". It's a theme throughout the HP books - that the loved ones who die live on inside us, and you really extended that well in this story.
The lines in italics were beautiful and really summed up each part. I read them all through together and it almost sounded like a poem.
I'm going to write about each section... because there's so much to say about this fic!
James/Harry: In those two short paragraphs you capture so much emotion - the thrill of the Quidditch match and yet the sadness that James can't experience it properly with Harry.
But the noise doesn’t reach me, not really. This sentence is short, but it really summed it up for me.
I want to be here with him forever, waving and smiling, all three of us together. But his eyes look sad now. Once again, in a few simple words you've really captured so much emotion.
Oh, and James was only a Seeker in the movies - JK Rowling has said on her website that he was actually a Chaser.
Fred/George: What really struck me about this section was just how well Fred knows George and how he can still read all his little habits. This fragment really just showed the love the two of them shared.
It’s nice to see him smile. That was a great line, because Fred would know how hard it would be for George to be happy without him.
By the way, George actually marries Angelina Johnson. But that's just a little thing and it doesn't detract from the story.
Ariana/Albus: What stood out for me in this section was the way you captured the childish voice of Ariana. There are a lot of things she doesn't understand, and she sounds childish (eg "the angry man"), and yet she manages to describe both her brothers' emotions and the way they've dealt with her death so well. I thought it was interesting that you picked a point in time when Albus nearly died, because in the other fragmanets you'd written about times when the characters were really living. (In the case of George, perhaps learning to live again.) I loved the simple line I wanted my big brother with me.
Sirius/Remus: I have to be honest, I didn't like this fragment as much as the others. I did like the image of Remus in a corner of Grimmauld Place, crying shamelessly with a bottle of alcohol. (It reminded me a little of another fic I read just recently and I know you reviewed - "Funeral" by Ascendio - in which Remus has also lost everyone.) You certainly captured his desperation. I think somehow the voice of Sirius just didn't feel quite right or something... I'm sorry, I can't really pinpoint it. But it was still an excellent section.
Remus/Teddy: I think this might just be my favourite... or perhaps along with Lily's part at the end. It could be because I adore both of these characters... Remus is so tender towards his son, and yet it's so heart-breaking as all he longs to do is reach out and touch his son.
Albus/Harry: This was beautifully written, and I loved that you set it at the time that Harry and Hermione visit Godric's Hollow. As with his parents, Harry idolised Dumbledore and it is sometimes hard to hear the truth... that no-one is perfect. You nailed Albus' voice.
The words I once chose for the headstone are empty to him by now, too used, as he is, to the finality of death. I quite understand.
But where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. This was a lovely set of lines, and I really liked how you developed the connection between Albus and Harry.
Lily/Harry: I think there is something special about the bond between a mother and child, and I liked that you kept this one til the end. I have just watched DH part 2 and I thought the saddest moment was when Harry reached his hand out to his mother and went straight through her. Those last two paragraphs are just so beautiful, I would quote them all back at you lol. It's a great ending for this story and really sums up everything you've written sofar.
Another great thing about this story is how you included a lot of small, seemingly insignificant memories (eg Ab and the baubles, Remus and Tonks waiting for Teddy to change his hair). Those small moments really show the love that existed between each of these pairs.
This is wonderfully written, particularly considering it's your first story on MNFF! Well done!
Author's Response: Dear Katrina, I can't believe I'm only noticing your response now! Sorry, I am new to this website and completely overlooked your review. I hope you see this response. I can't put into words how happy your review made me. It is so rare to get a detailed response, and yours was so long and rich, so systematic and thorough, I can tell you put a lot of effort into it. I don't think I have ever received as detailed a review as that and it means a lot. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and I appreciate the constructive criticism. The fragment with Sirius was not my favourite, either, and I somehow find him hard to grasp. It could have been done better. Regarding James not being a Seeker and Angeline marrying George - thank you for telling me that JKR has stated this. It is certainly interesting to know that this is how she imagines it, but as it isn't part of the books, to me it isn't part of the fictitious universe in my head. :) I had, however, forgotten that the whole Seeker thing comes from the films rather than the books. It's interesting how the two can merge in your head. Anyway, thank you for your review!
Summary: Three weeks after the final showdown with Voldemort, Ron and Hermione are left with uncertain futures and sudden fame. They have shared one kiss in the heat of battle, but was it a mistake or something more? Whatever it was, Ron can't stop thinking about it.
This was a very enjoyable and well-written Ron/Hermione story. I loved the way you really developed Ron's character and added in little details to show how he cares for Hermione (eg when he notices how her hair is when she sleeps). I smiled when you wrote that Hermione had taught him the word 'disconcerting' - both because it was funny and quite likely. Also I thought Ron's thoughts about Hermione being in his bed were realistic but not overdeon - he is a teenage boy after all.
I loved the idea that three weeks after the Battle, the trio are still sleeping in the same bedroom. Somehow that little gesture really sums up how difficult it is for them to move on to normal life after the year they've had - and only the three of them can really understand what it's like.
I can really see Cormac McLaggen milking his exceptionally brief 'relationship' (for want of a better word) for all its worth in the newspapers, and even the idea that there are all sorts of mad rumours going about is completely likely - after all, we see in canon how ridiculous the 'news' can be. I thought it was quite fitting that they were going to tell the full story in the Quibbler, after all that magazine did for them.
You really nailed Ron when he was asked to talk about Hermione - I can't imagine him answering that question in any other way. It was also a nice plot device that Xenophilius didn't ask Hermione what she thought of Ron, because Ron could easily have fallen into his insecurities again, but I think in this story you show a Ron who has really faced those and moved on.
There were some wonderful lines in this story, for example:
“In the seven years I’ve known you, Ron Weasley, this is the first time you haven’t had seconds.” That's so Hermione-ish and also so true, it made me smile.
"I’ve never had someone say such nice things.”
Ron frowned. “But you know we’re all thinking them, don’t you?” Somehow you just nailed both their characters in that exchange - after all, Ron isn't the only one with insecurities, and Ron's response is so typical, because for him Hermione is perfect so who on earth wouldn't think that about her.
Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! This may sound kind of strange, but the END of the whole HP universe this past week has had me thinking constantly about how the story continues, and this is my own little way to take Ron and Hermione's ending in the book (pre-epilogue) and keep it going.
Summary: Lavender Brown: gossip, fashion queen, boy crazy. But she also weaves bracelets from thread. Bracelets that let her forget gossip, that make her fashionable, and that save her from the pain of boys... and everything else.
I loved the beginning of this story, because I think it really exemplified the point of the whole story - people may seem one way, but there's usually a lot more going on underneath. The thing I loved about this story is that you didn't try to make Lavender different than she is in canon - and all those things you listed that "everyone" knows about her at the beginning are probably true of her, but you go beyond that and show the other side of her.
I loved the repetitions in the last bit - showing everything she could no longer do after Greyback's attack. I think by using your own earlier words it really emphasised this contrast and made it all the more painful for the reader (in a good way!).
The last few lines were such a wonderful way of showing the importance of friendship and just so well-written.
Anyway, this was a lovely idea for a story about Lavender and I really enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
There's something Lily's been waiting to hear since Harry said his first word.
Written in anticipation for Deathly Hallows, part two.
Nominated for the 2011 Best Dark/Angsty QSQ. Thank you, Maple!
This was a wonderful read, and I think 'bittersweet' is the perfect word to describe it. Choosing the scene with the Mirror of Erised to finish this story was perfect, because I think that is the moment at which Harry really starts his own life despite the lack of his parents in his life (if that makes sense).
I loved the use of second person. I love writing in that perspective (three of my stories are in second person) and it's fantastic to read, particularly when it's been pulled off as effortlessly as you have in this story.
The banter between Lily and James was just perfect, particularly when contrasted with Lily's thoughts about being stuck in the house, eg trying to shake off the feeling that you’ll never leave this house again, that this war will never end. Lines like that just fit into this story seamlessly. I think it's very likely that James and Lily would have tried their best not to think/talk about the war and to be happy that they had each other and Harry.
The short scene with Petunia I think might be the best in the whole story. This line He can’t hear it. nearly brought me to tears. The neglect Harry suffered at the hands of the Dursleys just really hit me, and it must have been so heartbreaking for Lily not to be able to comfort her son.
I think what this story really captures is the beautiful connection between mother and child, and how heartbreaking it is when this is torn apart.
A beautiful and extremely well-written story.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you thought the second person effortless, I worked hard on it. ;D Thank you for that wonderful review, Katrina!
Summary: I could say I that I hated my sister. I really could. But I would be lying. I didn't really hate her. I hated the fact that she was always first. Petunia only wants a normal life with a normal man who puts her first. So why is her sister always ahead?
I'm quite surprised this fic has no reviews yet... I read it a few days ago and thought that by now someone would have left you a note to tell you how great it is.
You made Petunia so believable in this. And you really showed her mixture of love/affection and jealousy for Lily, and somehow the idea of her going to Lily's graves, which I never would have believed before, just works perfectly in this story. When you described their school years and showed how little their parents cared for Petunia, I actually felt sorry for her.
I've always assumed that Petunia married Vernon because she wanted someone normal, but I liked your idea that he was just a man who would put her first, and who was naturally disposed to like her better than her 'abnormal' sister.
Just a little thing - when Lily was Head Girl, Petunia would have left school a few years before as she's a few years older, and you suggested that she was still at school then.
Anyway, your writing was fabulous in this, and you really grasped Petunia's character in such a short story. Considering there was no dialogue and direct action, you moved the plot along quickly and it was a very enjoyable read.
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. Petunia's relationship with Lily is partly based off the relationship I have with my own sister, if a little exaggerated. I always felt that there had to be more to the Dursley's relationship than just being normal. I'm sorry about the dates-- I thought that I conveyed that Petunia was an average girl while at school and felt a little aftermath that Lily was perfect. Thanks again! Julie.
Summary: Thousands of years before the Boy Who Lived fought He Who Must Not Be Named, a young boy gets by in a small farming village, until the magical day when a Wizard comes to town. The Wizard's tutelage begins a journey that will change them both, and alter the course of magic forever.
This was an interesting story, and certainly very creative. The idea of the 'time stop' spell was a new idea, and while it's not quite compatible with JKR's world (if it was, everyone would use it rather than making philosopher's stones etc), it did work in this story.
Ollie/Ollivander was an interesting character, and I could really see how you drew from the books in creating him. There are a few times when it seems that Ollivander finds great power fascinating in canon - for example when he says the idea of Voldemort with the Elder Wand is "formidable", and he doesn't really seem to fear it, but seems more excited about this possibility. His obsessive nature in this story really fits with that, particularly when his work in wandlore took over from any sort of personal relationships. In the books, it's hard to imagine Ollivander having any kind of friend - I'm sure he has aquaintances, but probably more on a professional basis - in canon. His selfishness at the beginning about the difficulty of his family fitted in with this - for some reason it reminded me of Ron, who always complained about Scabbers until he died. Anyway, that's a bit of a tangent.
Malazed was a wonderful character - I think it's interesting how a simple line such as You’re a wizard, Ollie – you can do whatever you want! completely changed Ollie's life. I also loved his line about being the sword - that was an excellent metaphor for magic.
The idea that Ollivander first came up with the idea of using wands is very interesting too, and I thought you put a lot of thought into the process of him figuring out how wands function best and creating them. I also liked the conflict it brought up between him and Malazed, who initially seems to be the perfect tutor and father figure.
Ilia was a wonderful character too. In the dialogue at the beginning, you really showed how what she loved about Ollie was his personality, not his magic or any of his abilities, but those things were more important to him, which is what drew them apart.
I loved the final scene - I thought it was a great choice to include Albus and I loved the parallels you drew between Ollivander and Albus. After all, Albus did confess that the hallow which most attracted him was the Elder Wand. The last line was also excellent.
I found that you often repeated lines in this story, for example you often introduced Ilia as the breadmaker's daughter - you only need to do this once, at the beginning - the reader won't forget who she is. There were other times when you repeated words or ideas. I also think some of your longer paragraphs could be cut down a bit - I think you fell into the trap of telling, not showing.
Anyway, I think this was a great idea for a story, but it would be even better if you edited this a bit and fixed up some of your writing.
Author's Response: i may edit it at some point, it was written in a hurry. Some of the descriptors are repetitive and perhaps I do tell when I should show. while i do like repeating words/phrases to recall details for the audience, i've found that not everyone does, so i will be careful about that in the future... i must politely disagree about the Rowlingability of the Time Stop - after all, there were many time-turners in the ministry at one point and not everyone used those. Plus, the Time Stop had dire consequences - everyone outside the room aged and died while time was frozen inside, so not everyone would be so quick to use it (and Malazed says in the story that it was not meant to be used for more than a few minutes). And really, I had intended that the magic that Ollie was using was old and lost to time - these are ancient spells, I worked carefully to make sure no modern JKR spells would be used. I wanted to get across that the wizards of old were MORE powerful than modern wizards, because we as a people had gotten soft and lazy. anyway, thanks for reading! i am taking your criticisms to heart whilst i prepare my second tale...
Summary: We all know Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger met at Hogwarts, became best friends, saved the world, fell in love, and got married.
But did they really meet for the very first time on the Hogwarts Express, or was there perhaps another moment in time, long forgotten by the time they turned eleven?
This was a very creative idea, and I think you really nailed both of them as little children. I really liked that it was from Ron's perspective, and you managed second person really well, because people often write Ron as a bit of an idiot, and you did a great job at getting inside his head and showing what was really going on, even though he was a bit mean to her at the beginning. (wow that was a really long sentence...)
I also thought it was interesting that Ron was the last to show magical ability in his family - it made me think of Neville, whose family thought he was a Squib - and I think that connection really worked, because both Ron and Neville have little or no self belief and it takes them some time to find their courage. I think throughout canon, Ron struggles to see his own self worth in comparison to all his siblings, so it was great that you showed that right at the beginning.
I loved the idea of Ron being at home and looking after the kids in the last scene, that was really well done. Also Hermione's characterisation, particularly at the beginning, was excellent - I smiled when she said “You just wait! Someday, you are going to be BEST FRIENDS with a girl, and you’ll be eating your words!” because I could just imagine her saying that. As Carole said in her review, I found it a little unlikely that Hermione would have forgotten the whole thing, but other than that, this was an enjoyable read.
Summary: Whew, those thirteen years were nasty, but Voldemort's back and better than ever. He's got plenty to do, consolidating a power base, punishing traitors, and not letting the haters get him down, but he's spared some time to look over the custody agreement he signed fourteen years ago...
Annabel Curry wanted to spend the summer getting a tan, perfecting her Cheering Charms, and ensnaring Terry Boot. Instead, she's spending it with her dad the mass murderer and his unshaven goons. Oh yeah, and the shower doesn't work, AND NO ONE BUT HER SEEMS TO CARE.
First dates. Sparkly nail polish. Magical plumbing fiascos. Some heartwarming father-daughter moments. And some not-so-heartwarming ones.
I clicked on this story simply because of the absurdity of the idea... and with reassurance from the fact that it was in the humour category that you wouldn't try and take this seriously. And I'm glad I did, because this was both funny and cleverly written.
I loved how you characterised the Dursleys - I really smiled at “I hope they’re not expecting us to pay any medical bills.”. Actually every line including them was good. Also Ernie's Dad was quite like Ernie and Lucius was well-written.
There's just something wonderful about Voldemort announcing to everyone - "I AM SIMPLY HERE TO COLLECT MY DAUGHTER. PLEASE RESPECT MY FAMILY'S PRIVACY AND LET US HAVE OUR MOMENT IN PEACE. THANK YOU." - because it couldn't really ever happen.
Anyway, this chapter made me laugh and I'm intrigued to see how you continue it.
Summary: I cannot see their bodies, buried beneath the ruins of their life together, but I know they are there. I can imagine their green and hazel eyes, staring into the dark emptiness. It is all I can do to stay upright, filled with equal parts rage and grief as I gaze unseeing at the heartbreaking scene.
How did it come to this?
How can you show a character going through so many emotions in less than 1000 words? You have such a wonderful grasp of Sirius' character, and what James and Lily really meant to him. I loved the line I cannot fail my friend in this one last duty, when I have failed him in all else. I think that's just so Sirius.
I loved the few one-line paragraphs you used - they really stand out and amongst all the other paragraphs it's very effective. I also liked that you didn't write any of the dialogue - even though obviously Sirius and Hagrid actually would talk, the way you wrote it sort of showed Sirius' numbness and attempt to put everything together in his mind.
Excellent story, Gina!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Katrina. You know, it never occurred to me to write dialogue. I don't know why, it just didn't. It just wouldn't fit the style I set out with when I first drabbled this piece. I'm glad you liked the one-line paragraphs, sometimes those can be as obstructive as they are meaningful. I really appreciate your lovely review. Thank you so much for reading this story! ~Gina :)
Summary: Since the Battle, Parvati struggles to feel.
Since the Battle, Harry feels too much.
Can a chance meeting help them heal?
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, so don't bug me about Pottermore!
This story is for Ariana (lucca4) because she set the prompt in SBBC and she's one of the most talented writers on the site.
This was excellently written, as usual, Carole. I particularly loved the first part, from Parvati's point of view. You just really capture exactly what she would be feeling in a situation like that.
Nothing can take away that last image of her sister, the face mashed to pulp. Now when Parvati looks in the mirror, she wonders how her own face remained intact. Those two sentences are just beautiful - the idea of Padma being trampled on and her face mashed is so heart-breaking, and the next sentence just really shows how Parvati feels. I also loved the flashback to the DA meeting and Parvati's guilt about that, as well as this line But Parvati had been laughing as her opponent reeled backwards, exhilarated that she’d defeated the older witch., because it shows Parvati feeling like she wasn't as close to Padma as she should have been or something like that.
Harry's section was very short, but in thinking about that it makes sense, because we know what he thought/felt during the battle, and I think you really capture how lonely he is in this fragment. I think it's also very believable that he would retreat like that, and I loved how you repeated the line "He has ____, but...".
The last section I have mixed reactions to. It's certainly well written, in fact, it's perfectly written. But I still find it a little hard to believe. If I had no prior knowledge of the characters, only the first two fragments you'd written, I would find it very believable, but somehow I can't really see Harry doing this... but I suppose even during it, Harry finds it hard to believe that he's doing it... if that makes any sense. And that's probably just my interpretation of him anyway. And, as I said, the writing is really wonderful. Particularly from the line "This is not love" until the end.
Author's Response: Hi there, thanks for the review. The prompt for the drabble that this is based on was 'Harry/Parvati' and a doomed relationship. As I couldn;t really see them getting together at Hogwarts and also while he was married, I thought this was the best chance of them ever getting together when both are suffering. I also think harry probably went off the rails a bit after being so strong and responsible. I do take on board what you say, though, because it is hard to see Harry acting like that, although - technically - in my mind, he's not with Ginny as a boyfriend at that moment and just needs something unconnected to everything ... if that makes sense.
Thank you again for the review, it made my day. And you liked the lines I liked best as well - so YAY! ~Carole~
Summary: Various characters throughout generations learn of the importance of names.
This was a well-written story, and each of the characters came across really well, which is difficult considering how short each section was. I'll go through and write a bit about each part now.
James/Lily: Your James was just ridiculously adorable! I liked how you had Lily noticing the change in him, and how that culminated with him calling her by her first name. It was a really sweet section and a great opening for this story.
Luna/Anthony: For most of this section, I thought you really nailed Luna, and she's a difficult character to write without her being entirely spacey or too normal.
The girls looked at each other and giggled nervously. Luna waited patiently for them to tell her what was so funny. She loved laughing, she was always much happier when she was laughing than when she wasn't. But it didn't work simply to laugh to try to be happier. She had tried it. Laughing without something to laugh about wasn't quite the same. This was a great paragraph, and it felt really IC for Luna - I also loved the line about it being terrible when someone forgets your birthday.
I have to say, I found her reaction to Anthony helping her was a little bit over the top, or something. I don't think Luna would really think that they'd be friends just after him helping her... although I suppose she would get helped so rarely. I don't know, that bit just didn't quite sit right with me. It was great that he called her by her real name though.
Remus/Tonks: A drunk Remus, nice one! Tonks is an interesting character to pick in a story about names. I liked the way you ended with him calling her Dora. It provided a nice explanation for why he does in canon, when everyone else (except her Dad I think) calls her Tonks. It was also rather amusing to see him drunk.
George: This part was interesting, because most of this story is quite humorous and light-hearted, and this part was just heart-wrenching. You really captured his pain and his loneliness and this was just such a great characterisation of George in such a short section.
At times, he wished he could, but all it took was a look in the mirror. That line was just so sad and really showed what it's like to be George after Fred's death.
Harry/Molly: (That looks weird lol but it's not meant as a pairing...) I've always found it strange that Harry still calls her Mrs Weasley, even when he's practically an adult and has stayed with them so often, so I enjoyed you showing the first time he calls her Molly, and I loved the idea that she would walk down the aisle with him. This whole scene was heart-warming but also funny - particularly Ron's reaction about Ginny already being pregnant. You got the trio really well in character.
Hannah/Neville: You have a knack of making the guys in this story absolutely adorable... actually Hannah was pretty adorable in this part too. It was a really well-written part and just really cute.
James: This one really made me smile, I particularly liked how you incorporated quotes relating to Harry and James in canon. It worked very nicely. Your James junior was really how I imagine Harry's Dad to have been at that age. Anyway, this was a lovely scene, Albus and Severus were also really in character. I smiled at the chocolate frog cards thing.
Anyway, this was a great read and a really well-written story.
Author's Response: Thank you for the fabulous review! Yes, I didn't want the entire thing to end up in a pairings sort of thing, and I wanted to get a different mood in each section which is why I included the George one. Luna's was the hardest to write, I see what you're saying about her over-reacting, I kind of thought it out beforehand that she was maybe in her second year but that doesn't really work if Anthony's a prefect. Ah, well. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
Summary: After her brother's Potter-assisting activities are discovered by Death Eaters, Ginny's Easter holiday take a bit of a sour turn.A missing moment from Deathly Hallows I'm not J.K. Rowling, which should be obvious as soon as you being reading. Haha.
I'll begin by agreeing with Neil... this story is certainly not pointless. In fact, it's wonderful. You just get into Ginny's head so well - I loved the way you started off with her noticing all those details about the posters. It captures what she's thinking and feeling at that moment much better than if you'd said "Ginny was feeling distraught..." or something.
I loved Fred and George in this, because to the exterior they always try to make the best of things. And I loved Ginny's little bit of jealousy - And, of course, they always had each other, didn’t they?. Somehow that line was just really sad.
Bill's characterisation was spot on, and I loved the way you set up their relationship - it was as if they'd always been close, but right now Ginny just wants her space... I particularly loved the paragraph you wrote about their hug.
I also loved the ending. It just summed this piece up nicely as she entered another safe place with her family. In a way, I agree with a few other reviewers that more would have been great, but at the same time, you've reallyu captured a moment in this short one-shot and I think it's great just the way it is.
Author's Response: Hugs to you, Katrina. :) I actually sighed a little happy sigh when I saw you had read and reviewed this. Hehe. I'm so glad you liked it and felt the characterization worked, particularly Ginny, who I've been writing a bit more of but still find very persnickity to write well. I adore writing Bill, and always see him as almost a parental figure (thought cooler, of course) to Ginny and Ron.
In the Great Hall, the crowd is celebrating Reconstruction. Here, in this cupboard, things have just begun to fall apart.
I've read this story twice now, and I still find it a little hard to have a handle on it... in a good way, because your writing is so lush and rich, and I think I could read this several more times and pick up more details in each one.
I'm generally not much of a Harry/Hermione fan, I don't think that it's really likely based on their characters and their relationship in canon, but I found this very believable, because I think at this moment, Harry really needs a girl who understands, and Hermione can provide that, if only a little bit.
I liked that he was in a broom cupboard, because it was somehow cyclical and brought me back to the eleven-year-old boy we first meet in PS.
Your wealth of detail and description in this is really wonderful, and at no point does it take over from the characters or feel long and boring. For example, this opening paragraph - The even tock, tock, tock grows louder, and then stops. My toes scrunch around the seam of my socks, and my shoulders draw up tight as I watch the slow twisting of the knob. My eyes close, and I breathe in as the high notes of a far-away melody spill in through the opening door. I wait for the assault of gardenia to overtake the cold, mineral smell of stones and mortar, but it never comes. - that's just beautiful description, and I really felt like I was inside Harry's head.
So certainly flowers from me!
I am glad you liked it, even though you aren't a H/Hr fan. I did have the fleeting thought, writing this, that I might offend the sensibilities of the canon shippers (not that you seem offended, or are, indeed, a canon shipper), but I would ask them to look a bit closer. I won't go into the back-story in my head, but I will say that this is not as much about two people coming together as it is about their inevitable seperation. Perhaps this is why you found it believable.
Like Akay said earlier, the descriptions are the story, here, and I am pleased you found them effective.
Thank you for joining my short journey into Harry's head, and for reviewing!
Summary: Allow the infamous Mrs Zabini to give you a peek into her mind.Adapted from my drabble, Her First Kill, written for Brawl Round 4. DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K.Rowling.
I read this a few days ago and wasn't really sure what to think about it... so I came back today to read it again and write this review.
I think what stands out to me is your amazing ability to get into character - as I read this, I forgot I was reading something written by an author whose work I've read before... it felt like I was reading something written by Sesen Zabini. It was almost like she was speaking to me, maybe flicking her hair over he shoulder or looking at her nails... (well that's how I imagined it anyway).
I liked how you compared fact and fiction in this, for example. Remember that this is a factual declaration.
For years, I have been the subject of much speculation, gossip and rumour on account of these statistics. That's a great juxtaposition, and I think it works well in this fic, because at no point do we as readers know how much Sesen is telling the truth.
I loved how you really delved into this character and considered why she might be how she is... Demeke was the boy who taught me something about men which I’ve put to use so many times in my life. Men find it hard to resist the temptation offered by a welcoming, beautiful woman; when that woman is me, it is impossible to do so. My name is, after all, Sesen – desire. I think it's really amazing how you gave such a sense of her childhood and how little she was accepted, and then the incident with Demeke, in so few words, and yet it was so powerful.
This was very well-written, Natalie, and a great read.
Author's Response: Katrinaaa!
Ron is trapped in his grief for Hermione, killed on the Horcrux hunt so many years ago. His memories take over as he goes through the same repetitive motions until he is lost in his emotions.
Post DH, AU, implied R/Hr. Character death.
Nominated in the 2012 Quicksilver Quills for Best Alternate Universe
This is a very interesting and well-written story, and in general I think you have a great grasp of Ron's character. I liked how he noticed details about her - for example how he recognised her wand so easily - because I think that's definitely a part of his character, and in fanfiction people often seem to write him as rather insensitive (which he can be, but that's not the total sum).
I cannot go even an hour without opening my mouth to tell her something before I remember. That's a really heart-breaking line... for some reason it made me think of what George's life must be like without Fred, and I think that Ron without Hermione would be sort of similar, and you've really evoked that emotion.
I don't think there's a single paragraph in this story which doesn't say 'her' or refer to Hermione is Ron's dialogue, and that really shows the last line I quoted, because he really just can't stop thinking of her.
I loved the ending, because throughout the story you show that Ron's life is all about his memory of her, and stating that at the end really finishes the story off well.
I don't know that Ron would really desert Harry like that - the first time he walked out, he regretted it instantly, although I suppose that could have been more about Hermione than Harry, and obviously the depression he'd sink into after Hermione's death would be far worse than the locket, but I think after leaving that first time, Ron really learnt something about the value of friendship.
Anyway, I know you can't really change it because it's the premise of your story, and it is sort of believable.
I thought your use of present tense was very effective, because the reader is in that moment with Ron the whole way through, and I think you did a great job at really getting inside his head.
One small thing - you've written Even if Harry had chased me it wouldn’t have made a difference. I still would have run. Because I failed him. Failed you. - now I think that's a great line, but I would make it "I failed you" at the end, because I think the "I" just adds to Ron's feeling of guilty and responsibility for her death. Just a little thing.
Lovely story, and I checked on your author page and saw that this was your first one. Really great job!
Wow, Katrina, thanks for such a fantastic in-depth review. I agree that Ron in fanfiction is often written shallowly, but he is human after all and humans are complex beings. I'm glad you think I managed to get good characterisation of him.
I thought through his desertion of Harry for a good while and rewrote that section several times because you're right, he would be reluctant to abandon Harry again. I think he might eventually try and make contact with him again, it's just that witnessing first hand Hermione's death had such a huge emotional impact which he's only just getting his head around it. The pain he felt would have prevented him from fully realising what he was doing. When he did realise I think he would face a dilemma going back, feeling embarrassed and guilty but after time, he would probably return. But yeah, I knew I was kind of stretching things a lot even with that explanation.
Thanks for the suggestion about improving that line, I went and changed it.
A thousand more thanks for such great feedback!
Summary: Oliver Wood has just destroyed dinner and begs his Muggle neighbor for help. She's a natural in the kitchen, and Oliver is attracted to both her culinary skills and her quick wit. When he reveals a bit more than he had planned, he in turns gets a bit more than he could have ever imagined. Is his pretty Muggle chef all she seems—or something else entirely?
That is a great cliffhanger, Gina... if I had read this a week ago when it first appeared, I might have been throwing things at the screen by now... but anyway, I thought I'd give you a review of what I think sofar before I continue.
I may be a bit gullible, but I thought for a while that this was just a romance story that was a bit different, although once Oliver started performing magic and Julia didn't really seem to react enough, I was a bit suspicious... but I thought perhaps she was a witch who lived with Muggles or a Squib or a Muggle related to a wizard/witch or something... I certainly wasn't expecting the ending. And I think that is probably testament to your writing.
I liked your characterisation of Oliver - he did seem a little drunk in this, but in general he seems quite level-headed and adorable, and it still seems like Quidditch is quite a focus in his life.
The more I think about it, the more I can see the hints that Julia certainly isn't who she appears to be - she prompts Oliver about what he does/who he is in a way that doesn't just seem curious, like the line "Although you still haven't told me what you play, you know.".
I like the idea that Oliver thinks she might be scared of him, when in fact she's playing him the whole time and he ends up being scared of her.
Anyway, sorry for this slightly nonsensical review... it's a great story sofar, Gina, and certainly not mental.
WHAT??? You're not telling us??? How is this a conclusion??? This is probably going to bug me for ages... which is actually a compliment to you, because your story is original and well-written and memorable.
Well personally I think she must be a banshee or something, with that ending, but you really had me second-guessing it earlier in the story, and along with Oliver, I started to believe it was just a dream.
Julia is a great character - she seems very sweet and lovely and helpful, but she's also extremely manipulative and knows exactly how to play Oliver.
She laughed again, and the sound was infectiously cheerful. He was slowly starting to believe that her red eyes, the evil cackle, the piercing scream were all a dream. I really like how you explore the idea of believing what you want to believe, rather than what you think is necessarily true, and you culminate this idea with he didn't want to know at the end - it also juxtaposes really well with the idea of "No secrets" - because Oliver no longer cares about hers. (That was a long sentence...)
This was a very enjoyable read, there was plenty of humour and romance in it and it was certainly original and memorable as well.
Summary: Arthur Weasley, as he has no shame in admitting, is prone to taking his work home with him. How, then, do a couple of enchanted storybooks confiscated by the Ministry, lead to a night where he realizes that his daughter may be pursuing her own happy ending? And how, exactly, does he take to this information?
This was a very sweet story and I think you did a great job with Arthur. I think you're right, people do sometimes view him as a bit slow, but I think he's just different to Molly, and I think he intuitively understands his children - particularly his sons - in a way she doesn't always. And that really came through here, but there was enough of the sweet, Muggle-loving man as well.
I liked how you wandered back and forth in time through this story - as in, occasionally you'd return to the present, and then go back again - it worked really well for a reflective story like this.
I think Ginny is very much Daddy's little princess, and I think she knows it, and that really came across in this, particularly in how Arthur didn't want to tell Molly or anyone about the storybook. He couldn’t help but feel slightly left out as he considered that it was not his secret to share. I think this line really highlighted what it's like for Arthur to lose his little girl to someone else.
I also loved that Arthur changed the hair colour of the princess' hair to be red.
It seems, however, that Ginny had made sure that there was no question that the forgotten princess’s hair was still a shade of fiery red. That was a beautiful finish, although I would delete the "forgotten", because it seems quite clear that neither the story nor the special relationship they shared have been forgotten.
This was sweet and well-written, enjoyable story. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you! Looking back, I think the 'forgotten' was referring more to the story of Rapunzel than the relationship, but since the meaning doesn't come across clearly in that context, I'll edit that part to make it fit. Thanks for pointing it out! :]