Hi! I'm Katrina and I am not J.K. Rowling (just to avoid any confusion there).
I've been writing on MNFF since about 2010, but up until a few months ago had not written anything for quite some time. So I am trying to get back into writing, and have quite a few stories percolating in my head, but I just need to find the time to write them.
I basically only write one-shots (I have one three chaptered story), and they're usually character explorations and snapshots rather than long plots, but I've written about a variety of characters, so hopefully there's something you'll enjoy. I like experimenting a bit with form too.
Anyway if you have stumbled here by accident, I do hope you enjoy something.
Summary: There are many who hate her, even the person writing her epitaph has mixed feelings towards her, so what will be written on the tombstone of a mad-woman?
This was very different to your other Epitaph stories - after all, Harry is a hero and Snape is at least a hero of sorts. Whereas Bellatrix is a character I truly detest - as in, I would detest her if I ever met her (in literary terms, she's a fantastic character). Considering that hardly anyone really mourns her death, I thought you wrote this very well, and despite my dislike of her, I felt some sort of emotion at the end.
Just a few questions - why didn't Narcissa write the epitaph? You say she would have been Bellatrix's choice, but you don't say why she wasn't chosen. Also, has Rodolphus died? I can't remember his death being mentioned in canon, but I've just assumed that in this story, he is dead.
Anyway. I liked the way you drew similarities between Andromeda and Bella, rather than Bella and Narcissa. Because I think you're right, they both defied tradition in a way. Bella is the only female Death Eater we ever read about - Narcissa supported them, but never actually received the mark. Bella definitely shows the kind of strength Andromeda does when she leaves her family for Ted.
I loved this line. Isn’t it ironic that after all of the time he spent with her, assuming that you and I were the safe ones, the sensible girls who would do as they’re told, isn’t it ironic that we did nothing he told us to do?
That really demonstrates the relationship between Bella and Andromeda, but also all three sisters.
I loved how you used "sister" instead of the name Bellatrix, because a name is loaded with all of her crimes, whereas there is something sweet about 'sister'. It worked nicely with Narcissa too, and I got a clear sense that by writing those words on Bella's tomb, Andromeda was forgiving Narcissa.
It was interesting that you brought Molly into this story, although I think it unlikely that she was offered to write Bella's epitaph. Anyway, she provided an interesting comparison.
I think it's a little strange that you wrote "Bellatrix Black-Lestrange" - throughout canon, she is only referred to as "Bellatrix Lestrange". Although I suppose I see where you're coming from - she is a strong woman with a will - there is a part of her which loves a slavish kind of devotion to others. We see this in her response to Voldemort, and while I don't think she revered her husband in that way, I still think that she would only take his name.
Oh yeah, one more thing, I loved the "moons" and "insanity" in the first line - nice connection there.
This was excellently written and you were spot on with the characters. An enjoyable and thought-provoking read.
Author's Response: Wow, this is a massively long review. I'm gonna work through all of your questions in the order you typed them, but if I miss any, I apologise.
Narcissa didn't write the epitaph as I imagine her to be going through a trial process, and the Ministry would not want a (possible) criminal to 'host' a funeral. The same logic holds with Rodolphus - at this point he's either dead (you're right, his death isn't mentioned in canon), or in Azkaban, or had the Dementor's Kiss.
I brought Molly into the story, partly because I originally had Molly writing the entire epitaph - it read quite differently at that point, and there were some phrases and feelings that I just couldn't let go of.
I wrote her as Bellatrix Black-Lestrange partly to give her a more tangible connection to her sister, and partly to show that she wasn't defined by her husband (after all, who could define Bellatrix?).
Thank you for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed so much of it :)
The Pencil Portrait Problem: A Theodore Nott Mystery by Northumbrian
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 13]
Summary: An incredibly valuable item has gone missing, and everybody is completely stumped. There is no way a stranger could have entered the room! How was the crime committed? More importantly, whodunit? Were those blue beads on the floor before? What about those two mugs on the table? Why is Pansy sitting on Blaiseâ€™s lap?
Theodore Nott investigates.
This is Northumbrian of Ravenclaw house writing for the 2011 Mysterious May Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt #1 â€“ The Amateur Sleuth.
I loved this story. It was well-written as a mystery/whodunit story, but I liked the fact that the criminal wasn't caught and that it was a 'good' person.
Your presentation of the characters was both amusing and very interesting. Theo was probably my favourite character in this. He was exactly how I imagined him, and I particularly liked his memory of his conversation with his father. I think there's something very - "Slytherin" - about playing both sides and waiting to see who's the winner... it shows slyness and cunning. And yet even though he seems to be staying neutral simply for his own sake, there's something very likeable about his character.
Pansy - spot on job with her, particularly with the way she craves Draco's attention. It fits very well with canon. Genereally, I don't like Pansy, but you made me feel at least some empathy for her.
Blaise - you created a wonderful character here. I loved his sense of humour (I was talking to three girls, Draco. You should try it; it’s fun) and his comments such as Draco loves only one person, and that person is Draco. Also loved his comment about paying attention in Transfiguration. It really shows that particularly he and Theo play roles amongst their comrades, rather than being themselves. I hope I'm making sense here... anyway, Blaise was wonderfully characterised.
The way Draco strutted and had his own "Head Boy" room seems a little hyperbolic... but I suppose with Snape as Headmaster and (he believes) Hogwarts in the palm of his hand, Draco could become even more arrogant.
Susan - very interesting. I didn't suspect her, but then I'm rather terrible at figuring mysteries out. Anyway. I loved her interaction with Blaise, it was so well-written and rather amusing.
I don't think I've phrased it in the best way in this review, but I think your characterisations are really, really impressive in this story - there are small comments all through it which just add to the dynamics between the characters. Plus it was a gripping and well-paced and well-written story.
Thanks for the review.
Theodore Nott has appeared (off stage) in Aurors and Schoolgirls and this story goes some way to explaining Susan’s attitude towards him in A&S (and also some of Susan’s thoughts in “Tales”). I suspect that little Theodore will continue to make appearances in my stories now that I’ve figured him out. I think that he’s one of those people who is out for themselves, but while Draco is “out of my way, Mudblood! (shove)” Theodore is “I’m sorry, but you’re in my way. Please step aside as I don’t want to push you.” Theodore knows which side to be on – the winning side.
Pansy will continue to get a hard time in my stories and now that I’ve figured out Blaise I really must rewrite “Secret Diary”.
I hate stories where the Head Boy and Head Girl share accommodation, it’s a preposterous idea, and canon shows that there was no such thing. This was deliberately hyperbolic.
I was fairly vague in giving out possibilities for the culprit, but there were four girls named in the library (Lavender, the Patil twins and Susan) plus the unnamed Slytherin girl, my very own Fenella.
This could have been longer, but time was pressing.
Summary: BREAKING NEWS: Major Breakthrough In The Blood and Roses Case
Rose Weasley, newly appointed member of the Magical Law Enforcement Office and niece of Harry Potter, is now in custody after being arrested on suspicion of murdering her cousin, Dominique Wood (née Weasley). Miss Weasley’s wand was found at the scene, clearly indicating that it had been used to perform three Killing Curses on her cousin, cousin-in-law, and their three-year-old child, Ophélie. Auror Scorpius Malfoy has confirmed that an investigation is underway, although neither Auror Potter nor the rest of the Weasley-Potter family is available for comment.
This is babewithbrains of Ravenclaw writing for the 2011 Mysterious May Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt Two. COMPLETE
Blood and Roses has been nominated for the 2011 Quicksilver Quills: Best General. Thank you muchly!
This is a great beginning, Soraya. The first paragraph really sets up the characters - particularly Scorpius, but also his relationship with Harry, and in a way, the way he fits in in the wizarding world. I loved the paragraph about discrimination, and the sarcastic comment But, yes, respect was apparently the key.. I think that really gives Draco a nice characterisation too, even though he doesn't appear in the chapter. I think it's very realistic that he would "do the right thing" in teaching his son to respect others, but still want him to stick to purebloods when it came to personal relationships.
And, being you, of course you had to end it on a cliffie - I have to say, I wasn't entirely surprised - it was obvious that Scorpius knew Dominique extremely well.
The whole "Blood and Roses" idea is really good and something different and definitely creepy - but I'm sure someone's done something more creepy. Usually true crime is harder to believe than fiction... anyway. It's a great premise for a story.
And just a question - is it that likely that two best friends in the same year out of Hogwarts would be accepted as Aurors? I always had the impression that some years only one, maybe two Hogwarts school leavers would get in... but I'm not sure if that's every clearly stated, and Harry may have changed things anyway.
I'm looking forward to how this continues,
Author's Response: Yay!!! You read Blood and Roses and left FOUR lovely reviews for me!! Thanks a lot, Katrina -- they mean a lot. Firstly, Scorpius -- he's one difficult character, especially as we know practically nothing about him and the Next Gen gang are, to all intents and purposes, OCs. And you think Draco was well-characterised? No way!!! There's a reason I don't have too many Slytherins in my fics. Because I don't write them very well. Thanks, though.
If you look at the end notes of the last chapter, which you probably already have done, you'll see that I got the inspiration from The Mentalist. Re your question... hmm. I've never considered that before. But this story could only really make sense with them as Aurors, so I don't think I could change it. Besides, I'm sticking to your explanation -- that Harry must've changed things. Thanks for the review as always. Lastly, congratulations on the QSQ nomination for Not Alone. Well done!!! And you have Carole to thank for that!
I have to say, I don't like Rose much either. But I could be being unfair - after all, she's hardly in a desirable situation. But she was particularly annoying when she jumped on Harry for knowing about her and Matt...
I thought Harry was very in character here - even though his family is highly involved in the case now, it's typical that he doesn't want to step down from running it. You wrote his dialogue excellently - although I do wonder about the swearing. I mean, I know he does occasionally in canon (although JKR always masks it with "he swore" or something like that), and I know he has a temper, but it just seemed a bit out of character to me.
You write dialogue excellently. Throughout this chapter, it really keeps the pace up and you portray a sense of character so well by using it. The choppy style of the interview between Harry and Rose was particularly good.
I wondered why you included the part when Ron and Hermione (and Hugo) find out - it didn't seem to add much to the story, other than that Harry had also notified Bill and that Fleur was dead (which by the way is an interesting twist), but I think you could have communicated that in another part of the story. Anyway, not that it was a bad section, but I just wondered about its importance.
Rose refuses to take Veritaserum... interesting... but Harry (and Rose, for that matter) should know that it's not infallible... and since Rose is presumably an intelligent witch, she could probably find a way of fooling it.
Anyway, no matter how much I dislike Rose's character, she is believable and I really like that you've gone against the stereotype, because people seem to love to write her as a carbon-copy of Hermione in her first year, which I think is unlikely.
Author's Response: I don't think I've ever liked Rose very much as a character. At least you sympathised with her :) Re Harry... okay, look. He isn't a kid anymore. He's gone through so much, and I don't just mean the war. And he's what, fifty-odd years old? Of course he's going to swear. You've got to think of the situation he was in, right, because it can't have been easy. His niece dying and his other niece being accused of killing her -- it's difficult, and I don't know about you, but I swear when things are difficult and I think he would too. I agree it was a little OOC but think it was plausible given his situation.
I'm glad you liked the dialogue. And yeah, I know I didn't really need to include that but wanted a way to break the tension a bit. And to show the reaction of the other members of the Weasley family to avoid ignoring them completely. Fleur being dead has its own story and as soon as Jess/ToBeEtc has beta'd it for me, I'll post it. Rose is to be disliked but I think she has a right to be disliked, if that makes sense. I don't know why other fanfic cliches are like that, tbh. That's just not believable in the slightest, that Rose would be like Hermione. Thanks for another review, and although I didn't entirely agree with you about swearing!Harry, I'm glad you brought it up -- I'll try and bear that in mind in the future if I can remember.
Haha I know, I don't think I've ever met a doctor with neat handwriting either... I'm seeing a lot of kids of Slytherins who were in Harry's year... Scorpius, Adam, Gabriella and possibly Maira... well at least I'd suspect she's related to Pansy. Interesting.
This chapter was very well-written, and you've really kept up the pace of the story. You're constantly revealing new information about the plot and character and if this were a book, I wouldn't be able to put it down.
Hmm... so if Rose has known about the affair for three years... why didn't she go to work? Her lies in the previous chapter definitely make her suspicious, but I don't think she did it. I think she's upto something else - possibly illegal - but I don't think she killed Dominique, Matthew and Ophelie. Plus, the roses would be a little bit obvious...
Ron's protectiveness of his daughter was very in character, and I liked the fact that the usually calm and collected Bill lost his temper - I think it's something Fleur would have done, had she been there. Hermione is also very in character, except for this one line:
“Died a couple of years ago, Blaise did,” Hermione supplied. I don't think Hermione's the sort phrase it like that... I think she would say "Blaise died a couple of years ago." I know it's a small thing, but it just stood out to me as I was reading.
Anyway, sorry that this review hasn't been as detailed and coherent as usual... great chapter and I'm looking forward to nearly reaching the end.
Author's Response: I worked in a medical centre for my work experience and not one of the docs there had nice handwriting! And I know, I did use a lot of Slyths in this chapter. But they were -- not necessary, I could've used Gryffs or Puffs or Claws -- but I wanted to emphasise that the Slyths Harry knew did go on and have kids and they weren't all thrown into Azkaban or whatever. I'm really glad you like the story and wow, what a compliment! I'm blushing, honest :)
I know you've already come to the end of the story, LOL, so I can't really tease you or anything about that, haha. I was quite happy with Ron's characterisation. Bill was OOC but I hope it worked. And Hermione... sorry. I think I might change that. Thanks for pointing that out -- this is what I get for submitting a story without sending it back to my beta(s) the second time round. This review was lovely, detailed and coherent -- don't you worry! Now...*runs to the next review*
I was right! Well... at least I guessed that it wasn't Rose. As much as I didn't really like Rose when she first appeared, I have come to like her as the story went on. I suppose I can understand her feeling awkward about her parents knowing everything that she knew and that had happened.
I was very shocked when Bill died. I have to say, I was also shocked when Bill, Oliver and Scorpius used Avada Kedavra... but I suppose Harry used Unforgivables at times (though never this one) and certainly wanted to kill people.
The story behind the crime(s) is very plausible - love is certainly one of the most common murder motives (at least in crime fiction it is). Also I think it's clever that you made Gabriella a Zabini - after what her grandmother did - that was a nice connection.
The ending of this story was just beautiful, and it really showed that the investigation may be over (and I assume Gabriella was found), but 11 innocent people have still died, and that is going to continue to have a huge impact on those who cared for them.
Once again, your dialogue is absolutely fantastic and I can't believe how well you managed to resolve this in one chapter! When I saw that this was the last chapter, I was a little surprised because it seemed like there were a lot of ends to tie up... but you did it really well. I'm glad you showed the flashback, it really cleared things up. That night in December 2023 was certainly fateful...
Sorry that this is short, but I have to go now - this was a wonderful story, probably my favourite of yours. Your writing was fantastic and your characterisations were excellent and it was just an all-round great read.
Author's Response: I still don't like Rose, so the fact that you've grown to like her is a really, really good thing :) And I shocked you? Yay me :P Bill was always going to die -- I plotted his death when I did Fleur's. And Bill, Oliver and Scorpius all had motive to kill Gabriella -- retribution. Revenge for their respective daughters' deaths. So I'm glad you got that, ditto the love motive. I was worried it wasn't going to be plausible or something.
Gabriella was not found. Her story will continue, sooner or later -- basically whenever RL calms down and I can sit down and write a story without worrying about anything. I'm glad you thought I tied things up properly -- again, I was worried I would leave something out. Don't ever apologise for leaving a "short" review, though; your reviews always brighten my day and what's better is that they're not even oneliners or anything. And this is your favourite? That's funny -- Alex said the same thing. I think you two are more than a little barmy for liking my work, but, as Jess once said, my ego thanks you :) Hugs and squishes to you for your wonderful reviews! And I don't think I've told you, but I have nominated a story of yours for the QSQs as well -- Curiosity. That's two nominations you've got now! Nice one!
Wow. This story is very impressive, Jess, although rather bleak as well.
I liked the fact that Michael is essentially good. He sacrificed himself for other people and fought bravely etc and he had qualms about using the Cruciatus Curse.
But as Michael looked down at his hands through a blur of tears, his murderous hands, what he truly wanted was entirely different. He truly understood what Unforgivable meant. I loved this part. For some reason it reminded me of Shakespeare - in both Macbeth and Hamlet (through Claudius) he shows guilt through hands... anyway, I could be reading too much into it, but whether or not it was like Shakespeare, it was a fantastic paragraph. It just summed this whole story up so well.
I liked that Michael used all three Unforgivables. I find that whole concept rather interesting... after all, Harry uses two Unforgivables (although I don't think he really does any harm with Crucio), and particularly when he uses the Imperius Curse, he doesn't seem to regret it. I also wonder how Molly killed Bellatrix. Anyway, I'm getting off track. The interesting thing about how Michael used the spells, though, particularly Crucio and Avada Kedavra, was that they were entirely unnecessary. Miles was not hurting him at those times. Neither was the Death Eater whom he continued to kick. I loved how you described the feeling of power it gave him.
I'm sure there's a lot more to say about this fabulous story, but I can't think of anything more right now... this story nearly had me in tears. It was very well-written.
P.S. Happy Birthday to Hannah and to you!!
I believe that times of trial are when people are either at their best or at their worst. Harry killed the most evil wizard of all time; Ron used quick wits to destroy a Horcrux; Neville pwned Nagini; Michael did none of those. He fought becuase he felt like he had to, like there was no option, and he even made Lisa think she would be a lesser person if she didn't, as well. But when the battle started, he quickly realised that he wasn't meant to be a fighter, and he wasn't half as brave or level-headed as he'd thought.
Miles was added because he knew how to push all of Michael's buttons. They had known one another for ages, and hated each other for nearly as long. It wouldn't take much for Miles to know how to turn the screw. But one thing that Miles had not counted on was the idea that MIchael would go that far, being a goody-goody and all. It shows a bit of both of their borderline childish naivete. Had they been anywhere else and Miles had said all of those things, Michael probably would've cursed him with a Stinging Jinx in the crotch and left him alone, but nothing could've prepared Michael for the amount of hate, outrage, and injustice that Michael felt in those moments of weakness. Miles ended up paying for it dearly.
Anywho, I'm glad you liked it, and I'm sure Hannah will be thrilled with the bday wish. I'm so glad you visited, and thank you for the happy birthday. It's been amazing so far. :D
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy is celebrating the end of seventh year when he runs into a former girlfriend. She brings him over to the Gryffindor table, where he finally interacts with someone he's been watching for a while, someone he thinks about far too often. Their interaction and future plans give him hope, but the night ends with a crushing reminder that he wants someone he cannot have.
Firstly, I loved the T.O.A.D.s - it makes sense that wizards have some form of tertiary education and that abbreviation was in keeping with OWLs and NEWTs.
This story was very well-written, Gina. I liked how you didn't explicitly say who it was that Scorpius liked at the beginning - although knowing that it was for Jess helped me figure it out.
I loved your characterisation of Scorpius. He was used to it, to watching from a distance, always wanting what he couldn't have. That was wonderful, plus it linked really well to the title.
His father had issues with the Weasleys and the Potters; Scorpius even had a few himself. Instead of letting it really bother him or turn him into a snarky, jealous git, he simply kept his thoughts to himself and stayed quiet, always observing from the side, alone. I also loved that idea that he's quiet and keeps his thoughts to himself - I find that sometimes Scorpius is written as a carbon copy if his father at that age, and I believe that Draco would change after the war and that Scorpius would be different. So (if this makes any sense) I really loved your charcterisation of him. And there was also enough Malfoy in him, too.
I also liked that you didn't have an unrealistically soppy ending, but rather left it with some hope for the future.
Roxanne was an interesting character, too, because of how much she still wants Scorpius and yet also wants what's best for him. That last line was just beautiful. It was interesting how she used her 'personality' to hide her true feelings and to me, when she said "You'll be fine, though. You'll find someone, some beautiful Italian witch—or wizard, if you like—to snog on the beach. It'll be amazing. I'm envious." that she was speaking for herself as well, trying to convince herself that everything would be okay.
Anyway, lovely story Gina.
Also Happy Birthday Jess!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Katrina! I really appreciate the compliments on characterization, since sometimes the character's character (haha) seems obvious to me but who knows if it comes out in the story. I'm so glad it did. I'm really glad you liked it. I was writing another story and toyed with the idea of Roxanne and Scorpius hooking up, so I might have to come back to them. And as for the TOADs, that was Hannah's suggestion when I was looking for something both more British and less Muggle, hee hee. Thanks again! ~Gina :)
Summary: On the run for nine months, Dean spent his time deliberately not thinking of his friends as he struggled to survive, but he could not control his thoughts at night.
In his final year, Seamus longed for release from the daily torture of the Carrows' regime.
In her room, Parvati had made a list of all the things she wished to do if she survived, but wasn’t sure she could carry it through.
After the Battle, the three of them relax by the lake.
Who knew their thoughts had been so intertwined?
Disclaimer: I am no JKR, JFK, J-Lo or whatever initials are famous.
Jess (ToBeOrNotToHaveTheLongestUserNameOnTheBoard), this is for you. Happy Birthday, mate.
Ta, lots, Gina, for the speedy beta job and Emma for the Irish help.
This story was beautifully written, Carole, although I'm not quite sure what to think about the ending. The characters were very believable and I could empathise to an extent with each of them (obviously not completely... seeing as I've never been involved in a battle).
I really loved the awkwardness between Seamus and Dean at first, and how they came out bluntly that they'd missed each other. (Sorry, that's a terribly phrased sentence.) Anyway, it just felt very realistic and I could really sense their friendship.
The conversation between the three of them about being scared to go to sleep etc was also really well-written.
As for the ending - Parvati said that she didn't want to ruin things between Dean and Seamus, but to me it seems that choosing not to decide will actually make that worse... if that makes any sense. Could she choose? Did she have to? Did they survive this year just so one – or all – of them would be miserable?
Hmm. Anyway. This story was very well-written but above all I loved your characterisations.
Author's Response: Hey, Katrina, thanks for the review. This is deliberately ambiguous, but I wanted a different type of relationship between the three of them than the Trios that also defies the norm. It's also written for Jess, who likes a pairing(s) with a different slant. Glad you liked the characterisation. I think I enjoy writing boys' banter far more than girls - hee hee. Thanks again. ~Carole~
A year ago, two damaged people found they made each other whole.
Little did they know that the fault lines were still there, waiting for the right moment to break apart once more.
A companion to â€˜Not Broken.â€™
Nominated for a 2011 QSQ - Best Non-Canon Romance
Nominated for a 2012 QSQ - Best Dark/Angsty Story
This is a birthday present for the absolutely fabulous Jess/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor.
I owe an indefinite amount of thanks to my super speedy and gorgeously amazing beta Elenï¿½ for making this story readable.
And while we're here I should probably mention that I'm not JKR
This was wonderful, Ariana. Even with that first line, you just know how to create tone and mood. He could still feel the faded, crescent-shaped indentations from her fingernails on his back. That just tells so much about what he's feeling and even a bit of the history of their relationship.
I re-read "Not Broken" before reading this, and you've kept the characters so well from that, it flowed on wonderfully.
It was interesting how in a way the baby tore them apart, but it seemed like their relationship wasn't exactly going that well before that. You've done a great job at showing two broken people. “I think sometimes it’s possible for people to lose so much that they begin to lose themselves.” That was just a fantastic line - it really showed Susan's emotions.
I think it was interesting that you wrote this one from Theo's perspective, since the last one was from Susan's - it worked really well, because we got to see more of Theo and his character and his reactions to situations in this story.
You have a wonderful way with words. The characters jump right off the page, the dialogue is fantastic, the story well-paced, the images perfect.
I really wanted them to be together in the end, but I think the way you've written it is actually better - in a way, Susan does have to sort herself out before she can be herself with Theo, if that makes any sense. Part of him realised that maybe he didn’t have to fix her. Together, they had picked up the pieces and tried to mend what could not be mended. All he could do now was wait. It's a beautiful ending, and really quite full of hope. After this they have somewhere to go.
Anyway, sorry this review hasn't been really coherent... but I really loved this story and I don't know why it has so few reviews.
Author's Response: Katrina, thanks so much for the review! I'm so happy you liked it, and thought the characters still maintained their characterization from 'Not Broken.' It makes me smile to read that you liked the lines…I tried to make a few sentimental points without sounding like a cheese-ball :). I wanted to write this from Theo's perspective because I see him as a very private, mysterious and reserved person, and I wanted to ensure he came off dimensional in their story.
As for the ending… I want them to be together, too. And I think they have a real chance of working out, but the way they were going -- with the basis of their relationship being to sustain each other from the aftermath of the battle -- I don't think it would have worked out. They need the space, and then…we'll see :).
I think I said this earlier, but I really want to thank you for this review! It was definitely coherent and lovely to read :). xx Ariana
Louis Weasley had always assumed that the worst of his problems had been falling for someone he wasn't supposed to. This was, however, until that very someone turns up missing from one the biggest societal events of the century.
He was willing to break every rule and taboo to find her, but could he succeed where the entire might of the Ministry's Magical Law Enforcement Department failed?
This is a great start to a story, Jess... I have to admit, initially I was a bit squeamish about Louis and Lucy, but once I got over that, it was a great story.
For a start, I like that you're writing about these two... I don't think I've read a story yet in which Louis is a main character. And you've really made him a great main character.
I also like Lucy - she seems quite enigmatic now (what is her 'condition'?) and I'm intrigued by her fear of being in large crowds, and also exactly how she feels about Louis.
And then on top of all this you've added a mystery to it... I can only guess that it may be to do with Percy (who I agree will eventually become Minister of Magic), but I'm pretty hopeless at guessing mystery stories, so I'll just wait til you reveal it.
The flashback worked really well in this chapter - sometimes I find they slow down the pace, but this one didn't at all and it flowed really naturally.
And in response to your last response to one of my reviews- yes I am back. I hadn't actually read any fanfic for about a month until a few days ago, but I'm a lot less busy now and have finally got back to doing some of my own writing...
Anyway, back to your story, I'm very intrigued and mystified and looking forward to more.
Yay, I'm glad you liked the beginning of the story. There is one more chapter after this one, and a few more to come before the story wraps up. I think that a lot of what bonds Lucy and Louis is indeed her 'condition', which you'll find out about in the next chapter. Louis feels not only a sense of responsibility to make sure she's okay, but it also causes him to focus on her more intently than he normally would've done. And when coupled with a young boy's normal changes in the early to late teen years, it's not hard to see him falling for the person he feels responsibility to protect.
The flashback is meant to show the shift in their relationship from cousins to something more. They're almost like memories in a way, misty and idyllic.
Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope you enjoy subsequent chapters. :) I'm glad you're back, because you are such a brilliant reviewer and should be told that loads of times for the sake of justice.
Summary: On the morning of Hermioneâ€™s 18th birthday, Ron hunts as Harry gathers. One boy is successful, while the other is not. At the end of an hour, who is to blame?
This story has been nominated for the 2012 Quick Silver Quills: Best Dark/ Angst Fic
This was wonderfully written and I really think you captured the trio's dynamics, at least from Ron's perpsective. I think you really nailed Ron's lack of self esteem - and not just about whether he or Harry would get Hermione, even though that's the focus of the piece. The line I am a piss-poor excuse for a man really showed this.
I think what this showed above all is what a difference perspective can make, because we know that Harry and Hermione have no feelings but friendship for each other and I don't think Harry purposefully went and did something for Hermione's birthday, hoping that Ron hadn't - I'm sure he just found it and wanted to give it to her because she's his friend. I think it shows, though, that Ron underneath believes what he wants to believe, which is that he's not good enough.
I loved your attention to detail - right from the beginning with tucking in Hermione's foot and throughout the story you really maintained that and it gave such an idea of setting and character.
This is probably my favourite line. “If you had green eyes, you’d have been stew,” I think it really sums up what Ron's feeling at this moment.
I have always wondered about Hermione's birthday, because there's never any mention of it in canon (as in, I've known the date for ages, but it always seemed strange that Ron and Harry never did anything). Although I suppose it fits that Hermione would just 'quietly suffer', because she's not the type to complain.
The imagery of the hangman and the locket as a noose worked really effectively. I also loved your use of present tense - it's sometimes hard not to make that sound clunky and this sotry just has a beautiful flow.
I'm very glad I chose to read this, you've really just nailed Ron's feelings during this period and probably the sort of thing that he's been feeling for years, too.
I'm glad you chose to read this, too. I thank you.
I believe Ron has had difficulty all his life establishing himself as a person with his own identity. Take all his frustration from that, put him a bubble, as it were, with the person who has always cast the largest shadow, the person who also happens to be the best friend of the girl he loves, and he's bound to start obsessing about his own inadequacies, real or imagined. I don't think he can help how he feels, though, and that's the angle with which I approached this story.
I'm pleased that you found my noose imagery effective. I found it quite sad that this locket made him feel and think the things it did and yet he was forced to put it on with his own two hands every other day. The title also refers to Ron's innate tendency to sabotage himself at every turn.
Again, I thank you for reading and for the thoughtful review. I am glad you enjoyed my story.
Summary: Passing a few hours in each other's company while waiting for their mates to escape detention, Sirius and Remus embarked on a good, old-fashioned game of Truth or Dare. But which one had the most potential for tension between the two: honesty, or the courage to do something that had thus far only occurred in his wildest imaginings?
This was an interesting story, Jess. Considering you don't write a lot of Marauder Era, you completely nailed the characters. I loved all the dialogue - it was just so wonderfully in character. I loved how it was from Sirius' perspective and we really got a glimpse of how vulnerable he was being and how difficult he found that, and yet simultaneously how much he wanted to.
This is a ship that I've neither particularly liked nor disliked before... but you've made me really like it. You just made it so believable. I loved that it was Sirius who'd thought about it for years and Remus who decided on the spot, because people tend to write Remus as extremely controlled and Sirius as impulsive, so I loved that you broke the cliche with that.
The premise of the story - meaning the game truth or dare - was very believable for a pair of Marauders at a loose end. Also your title was excellent and really fitted in with this.
Anyway, I'm getting to the rambly stage here and I think I must have missed a lot of the good points about this story... there really were a lot.
You know, I'm actually surprised you wanted to read this, for all its non-canon-ness. This story is pretty much case in point as to why I don't write Marauder Era. Here and there, I can conjure up some in-character prose and make it work, but anything regular, and I would so be one of those cliched, smoking rubble authors that we both know lurk in that category, hehe.
I wrote this in a banter-y tone because I don't often write dialogue heavy stories. And I had like a day to write it (it was for a SPEW prompt), and since dialogue is quicker to write... I am found out!
Anyway, thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Summary: Your trade is what some may call a contemptible one, but here and there, you do something decent for someone else. No one will ever thank you for it, instead dwelling upon the less than savoury aspects of your line of work. But you know what you did for one fellow, and that's what counts, isn't it?
This was a very interesting story, Jess. As you said, it's an extreme way that George could have dealt with his trauma, and personally I don't think it would have happened that way but it was still an interesting read, and very well written (not that I expected anything different from you).
I loved the use of second person - it's one of my favourite perspectives to read and to write (I've used it in three of my stories). It works wonderfully in this story, because I almost felt like I was that character in that situation having to make that decision.
I liked how you used the drug dealer as the focalising character, but the story was really about George through this character's perspective. I thought that worked really well, and in a way it's more tragic to watch George's demise (not sure that's the right word... anyway) from the outside, rather than from inside his head.
I loved the repetition of the first paragraph at the end - it gave the story a cyclical feeling, or the idea that George is only one case and that this situation will repeat itself for many other people.
Right from the beginning of the story, you wove in a sort of inevitability. In the line It was always going to happen it was more obvious, but even before that I had a sense of... impending doom? (I don't think that's the best way of phrasing that either...).
Just one little thing - second last paragraph, you wrote "You feel good about the decision you, because this George...." - I think you're missing "made" after the you.
I think you caught the essence of what I was going for exactly. It was supposed to be a sort of outside view that gave us a foreboding of someone we DO know and care about succumbing to the evils of temptation. Drug dealers would almost have to have an... adjusted sense of right and wrong in order to be able to continue with their line of work, so in selling to people, they're not screwing up lives; they're meeting a demand -- no more, no less. In a way, I think I wanted the 'narrator' to be a neutral party, and George be a primary focus.
Not going to lie, I am not a fan of second person. Done wrong or overlong, it's almost taxing on the brain, so I don't think I could've made this fic any longer, despite my best go at making it over 1000 words. It's really hard to sustain the flow and not overload the 'you's and 'your's. I think I did fairly well for my first go at this POV.
Anyway, thanks for the review. Honestly, I half expected my first review for this to be something like, 'How depressinggggg!' (I get that a lot, lol). Also, thanks for pointing out that typo. Ironically, I think I accidentally chopped it out while proofreading. :/
Summary: It's a full moon tonight, and you're waiting for a human to walk by. A human to bite.
Wonderful. I think the most amazing thing about this story is how you got inside Greyback's head. I loved the idea that he had been 'different' and already savage before he was bitten, because I think that's more believable than saying he just became that way.
I loved the idea that he wanted to breed a pack, in a way. And the way he sees himself almost as a father figure who guides them. And I got a sense that he almost feels protective for this pack, which was an interesting contrast in his character.
Author's Response: Thank you. I knew that he couldn't just change his nature-- Remus didn't. And the idea of protecting his pack seemed natural. After all, nobody's all bad.
I'm not really sure what happened with my last review... because it was about twice as long as it appears... so I'll try to remember what I wrote.
You're right, if Remus' nature doesn't change, why should anyone else's?
Someday, your world will be built, a world run by your species. A world where lesser humans don’t control you, where you are the king.
Or at least not hunted. Not hated. I loved those lines, because it conrasted his desire for power and control with a simple human desire simply to be accepted as you are.
I loved the use of second person - it's one of my favourite perspectives to write/read - and you really pulled it off here. Greyback is a character with whom I don't exactly empathise and so by using this perspective you really made me feel what it was like to be him.
Your writing was fantastic - as usual - particularly the ending. Your use of short sentences was really effective - it somehow really fitted Greyback's character and they seemed to get shorter as the action built up.
Excellent story, though a little creepy.
Author's Response: Thank you again. I really like to look at different perspectives in fanfiction, and Greyback's in too often overlooked. A villain's mind is just as complex as a hero's. I've never attempted full second-person before-- it was mostly an experience. i'm glad you think so much of my storytelling. Julie
It has been said that we can only see angels when we are children. At some point we outgrow this ability, but what happens to our angels then? Are they still there watching over us or do they move on?
Your writing is wonderful and the whole idea of this story is just breathtaking. I can't think of a story that embodies what Dumbledore (at least I think it's him) says in one of the books... something along the lines of 'those who we love never leave us'. Well that's probably quoted wrong, but anyway, this story had a really strong sense of that.
I loved how it drifted from her memories of when she was alive into her death seemlessly, because this story is really about a mother and her son. Some of the ideas in this story almost seemed a bit cliched, for example the line You will go to the ends of the earth and defy all that you can to keep your child safe from harm. But it didn't feel at all cliched or sentimental - it almost made me want to cry and it felt like you were tapping into a really deep emotion. (If that makes any sense.)
Your writing and imagery and just the way you express yourself is really beautiful - there's almost something poetic about it and I had such a vivid image of everything you described in this story. The idea of the flower collector was beautiful, and the last line of the story really tied in that and just summarised the tone and feel of the whole story.
I just noticed - in the third last paragraph you've written "his once bulky frame barley makes..." instead of "barely".
I think you really grasped Tonks in this story - particularly in these two lines.
We would sit on his bed at night talking until his grandmother would call out to be quiet. We would giggle together knowing that she wasn’t really mad. and
I would reassure him that it was okay to be different, that the world would be boring if everyone were the same.
I think those line really show her character from canon - slightly mischievous and always determined to be different.
Thank you Katrina (I went and fixed that typo ;~) .....This was orginally written about 4 years ago and was up as part of a competition but I can't even remember what it was. My son is 12 now :~0...but the story still fits. When I write something that I have knowledge of it makes it flow much better. I have another one written in a similar style but it didn't get very forable reviews because it shows Hermione at a low point in her life and thats all the readers looked at. Im slowly adding all my stories back to the site after taken them down for a while. I look forward to sitting down and reading your stories too.
Summary: Elaine Carrick is an apprentice to a magical art restorer. When she is given her first assignment without supervision, things go further awry than she could have guessed: the portrait is stolen right from under her nose. None of the other paintings were touched, and the thief was in and out in a matter of seconds.
Who could possibly have got past both Elaine and the locking spells on the studio undetected?
This story was written for Prompt 1 in the Mysterious May challenge, and it won first place in that category! It was also nominated for two QSQs in 2012 (Best General story and Best OC).
This is a lovely story - I'm impressed that you went through all that effort to research art restoration for this fic, and all that detail really added to the story. In fact, this story was just packed with details in general - the fast food and the fact that Elaine had Muggle money, the disposable cups, the argument at the beginning - which make it a really good mystery story.
Elaine was a very likeable and believable main character. She is very observant and knows her craft well, which makes her a good detective, and yet she also had that feel of an apprentice who's really trying to prove herself.
You painted a wonderful picture (excuse the pun) of an old Pureblood family in the Selwyns. You wrote the house-elf really well (I know she's not a main character, but she came across so believably without being a copy of Dobby, Kreacher or Winky.) Even the stepson secretly selling the old paintings because he's too lazy to get a job really fits into the way JKR represents the Purebloods in canon.
I very much enjoyed this story, and it was very well-written.
Author's Response: Haha. As any of the various friends I talk to over AIM will tell you, I am *addicted* to research. Details I'm good with...packing them into the story, not so much! Good to hear you think it worked for the mystery, though.
I think Elaine's not really qualified to be a detective-detective - too much running, for one thing! - so she's very much an apprentice wanting to prove herself who just happens to do a little detective work because she loves her craft and something is just not right here. I'm definitely glad you liked her. =)
Hahaha that old cliche does fit quite well here. The house-elf I didn't really think too much about except the mannerism with the blinking suddenly popped into my head and I thought that sounded unnerving but something a house-elf would do. And haha yes the stepson is definitely a lazy, rich manchild. I wasn't really thinking of canon so much as old-fashioned stuff, though, to be honest...I'd just come off reading a silly Georgian-era historical romance/mystery. -rolls eyes at self- But then, I do picture pureblood society as very Austenesque...
I'm glad you liked the story! I'm blushing, thank you so much for the review. =)
Summary: Percy has always put his trust in the Ministry, to the detriment of all else. But when does "trust" become "turning a blind eye"?
As the war progresses, Percy begins to have doubts - doubts that will, eventually, lead him back towards his family.
You do like writing about the Selwyns, don't you? (Or maybe that's because I only just read "An Artful Dodge"... anyway.)
I think this was a lovely story, and you really showed another side of Percy and why he acted the way he did. You really showed his pride and ambition but also his strong sense of right and wrong (although the first two sometimes overshadow this) and the times he really longs for his family.
Including Penelope was a wonderful idea. Percy has chosen to believe in the Ministry, which cost him his family, but also means that he can hide from reality and seeing her and the unfairness of how she's treated really conflicts him all over again. (I hope that sentence made sense.) You've really shown that he believes what he wants to believe, and obviously he likes believing in the Ministry - who doesn't want to believe that the authority is right. Anyway, sorry for that long rant, but I really think you've nailed Percy's character in this.
The one thing I question about this story is Aberforth. It's a while since I've read DH, but I thought Aberforth was quite hopeless about the war (which you have shown), and that he therefore encouraged people to keep themselves out of danger and get out of the country. But I suppose Percy chose not to put himself in danger, and Aberforth understood that. So it's not really a big thing, it just clashed a little the first time I read it.
At the same time, I think Aberforth understands that what Percy really wants is unrelated to the war, he really wants to redeem himself with his family and Aberforth knows he can help him to do that.
I think my favourite scene was possibly when Percy and Aberforth ate together - it was a really small moment in the story but really significant for Percy and really well written.
Wonderful story, and particularly good characterisation of Percy.
Author's Response: Ooh, busted. The Selwyns are my go-to not-obviously-one-side-or-the-other pureblood family. I should find a few new ones, or at least make one up next time. xD
I think with this story I was trying to reconcile the Percy who sent that awful letter to Ron in OOTP with a boy brought up in the Weasley family - and maybe also a little of why he was a Gryffindor, finally finding the courage to stand up for what's right. I'm glad you thought it worked out.
I'm not sure why I decided to include Penny - I think Carole mentioned her being Muggleborn and how Percy's list would have an impact on her and this confrontation sort of was a reality check for him as well as a demonstration of the consequences of his actions. So yeah, your sentence totally makes sense and is what I was going for.
Ab was quite hopeless when Harry saw him, but it was early days yet when Percy went to see him - September, only a month after the Ministry takeover. The narrative skipped quite a few months between the bit where Ab invites Percy to dinner and the night of the battle. And I think it's also different circumstances - Percy has admitted that he feels he needs to make up for helping bad things to happen and I think maybe Ab can understand that. Which you have mentioned in the next paragraph.
I think the scene with dinner in Ab's rooms is also my favorite. It is small, but I think it's something Percy desperately needed. He's been very, very alone in all this, and it's good that he has someone to turn to. I didn't originally plan for this scene to take place, but when I re-read the bit of DH with Ab in it couldn't help but like him...and maybe think he would understand that that's what Percy needs right then.
Thank you so much for reading and leaving me this lovely review, and I'm glad you liked the characterization of Percy. He is a bit hard for me to understand at times, so it was hard writing this story, and I think without my friends to talk it over with I might have butchered it utterly.
Summary: When George thinks of her, he thinks of Fred.
So, he tries not to think at all.
Nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award in Best Dark/Angsty, Best Canon Romance, and Best Post Hogwarts.
Wow! It's hard to know what to write here... it seems like I can't possibly add to what everyone else has written. Like Lori said, I would write out my favourite phrases, but it would be the whole story...
What really stands out to me is that you've written about a topic which a lot of people write about - how George copes without Fred and the fact that Angelina was Fred's and now he loves her. But your writing is just incredible. I really wanted this story to just keep going and going, it was just wonderful to read.
I think the part with Luna was my favourite - you just nailed her! I think she is one of the most original characters in canon, and it's so hard to write her without her just being crazy, but you just got her right.
I loved this line.
And for the first time since he held his brother’s head in his lap, while the Great Hall erupted into chaos around him, all George remembers is Fred at his best, his most brilliant, his star shining bright enough to crack the sky. I just loved the idea of Fred being like a star and that this is how George is finally able to both remember and move on.
I loved this repeated image. He thought of a boy’s laugh, and a girl tilting her head towards the light. It's a really vivid image and I could just see it in my mind's eye every time you used it.
He closes his eyes and tries so very hard not to think of Fred. Fred and her and him and her and Fred and… oh God, he can’t think. He can’t think about anything. I loved the repetitions in this line (and in the whole story). You just really capture George's feelings and emotion so well in that.
I can't really think of a way of describing this story other than perfection.
Author's Response: Hi Katrina! Thank you so much :) When I began to expand the drabble, I had this very clear image of Fred, George, and Angelina sitting on the banks of the lake at Hogwarts. I'm glad you liked that imagery and that it stood out for you. Also, That line about Fred and the stars is definitely one of my favourites, too. It was one of the first things I added when I began to expand the drabble and one of the only things I didn't tweak at all along the editing process. I'm glad you liked it. Again, thanks for such a lovely review xD - Julia.