Hi! I'm Katrina and I am not J.K. Rowling (just to avoid any confusion there).
I've been writing on MNFF since about 2010, but up until a few months ago had not written anything for quite some time. So I am trying to get back into writing, and have quite a few stories percolating in my head, but I just need to find the time to write them.
I basically only write one-shots (I have one three chaptered story), and they're usually character explorations and snapshots rather than long plots, but I've written about a variety of characters, so hopefully there's something you'll enjoy. I like experimenting a bit with form too.
Anyway if you have stumbled here by accident, I do hope you enjoy something.
A war is raging across the country. Colin Creevey is ready to fight, while his brother Dennis is in hiding with other Muggleborn refugees in the London Underground. Both are ready to play their part in a war that will forever change the history of the Wizarding world.
One will not survive. The other will have his life forever changed by the tragedy that befalls his brother.
But this is not a story about death or loss. This is a tale about brotherhood.
Much, much thanks to the absolutely amazing Elené for beta-ing this. Without her, this story would not be. Disclaimer: I don't own any of JKR's stuff.
Ariana, I was nearly in tears at the end of this chapter. This was just beautifully written.
I loved this line It occurred to him that he was becoming more and more like an older brother to Will, and he’d never been good at being the older one. It's a lovely line which really shows Dennis' character, and how much of him is connected to being the younger brother of Colin. It was also a lovely connection to the idea of brotherhood which is central to this story.
I loved the flashback scene and the way it showed how Colin takes the lead. I tend to still think of him as how he was in his first year, and I loved you showing him as having matured and being the leader. I think in some ways Colin is quite like Harry and Neville, in that he has something to prove and has to find his bravery, but when does, he has it in spades. If he had gone to Hogwarts, I'm sure he would have been there with Neville and Ginny right from the beginning.
Anyway, I digress. I loved how Colin sprung it on Dennis that they were leaving and didn't tell him that they wouldn't be together until the end, because Dennis would have argued and tried to convince him otherwise if he head.
No one understands that.” Not even Colin. I loved this line, because it sets up an experience that for once Dennis and Colin can't share.
and he was nothing more than an empty shell of the person he had once been. I think this would sound more effective if it were "and he was nothing more than an empty shell of a person".
Otherwise this was a lovely beginning.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for leaving a review! I'm happy you liked the chapter--I think this one is probably my favorite. I'm also glad you thought the dynamics of Colin and Dennis's relationship were well-done. I didn't want to write Colin as the boy he was in book two, because he's only eleven then and of course he's going to change. Your review was so wonderful to read, I didn't know more people were actually reading this story. I really appreciate all your comments, both compliments and crit :). xx Ariana
I really liked the way you showed the relationships between the three boys and the roles they play - Justin seems to have taken on the role of the leader, as Colin looks to him to see what they'll do. Colin is loyal to both of them and possibly has the most courage and Henry almost seems like an over-enthusiastic child who has to be kept in check. Well that's my interpretation of them anyway. Colin seems to be the glue between the others in a way. It's interesting, too, that you've picked three boys, because even though they've known each other for less time, they have become like brothers.
â€śButâ€¦â€ť He was drowning in his own argument, unable to keep his mind from recognising the truth in Justinâ€™s words. I couldâ€™ve stayed with Dennis, he thought bitterly. It wouldâ€™ve been the same thing. And now that he let himself think about it, he realised that there was no way the three of them could have survived for so long if they had truly been engaged in the war. This was just heartbreaking, because Colin so obvoiusly has always wanted to be involved and play his part. It's interesting because he probably felt so mature and adult when he first went off without Dennis - with a sense that he could actually change things - and this shows him feeling like a child. It's a nice comparison.
A little nitpick - Justinâ€™s coat was now completely drenched, though Colin knew that didnâ€™t matter him now. It should say "matter to him now". Also, you've used now in the next sentence (Henry's eyes were closed now). The repetition is a bit jarring and I think the second sentence would be more effective without the now anyway.
I loved the last line, it gave a lovely sense of Colin realising that some things are worth fighting for, and tied this chapter in very well with the previous one.
I'm looking forward to the last chapter!
Author's Response: Yay, thanks for leaving another review! Writing the three boys is my favorite. You're right in your assessments of them. I think Justin was more the leader maturity-wise, but Colin led them both with his courage and determination. Henry is Henry :) . I loved writing him, he's a true Gryffindor at heart, maybe more of a daredevil then a fighter, but a good man all the same. Thank you so much for pointing out the typos/lack of flow with sentences, I just got done from fixing them. xx Ariana
This chapter nearly had me in tears again.
He never knew living could hurt this much. I really loved this line. It summed up exactly how Dennis was feeling, and I like the fact that you didn't say "maybe life wasn't worth living" or something like that, because that's done so often and I think what you wrote is probably more realistic.
There are some wonderful details in this story. Colin had always wanted a scar like Harry’s, a mark that he had done something to make the world a better place. I was so glad you included that - it just adds so much to Colin's character and, as I said in my first review, I do see a connection between Colin and Harry. I think Colin would have died to save the wizarding world with as little hesitation as Harry.
It felt as though a part of him was being buried too, as though he could never quite be whole without Colin. I loved this line, too. It's a little cliched, but it worked really well in your story because you had already established how much of Dennis' identity was formed by being Colin's brother in the first chapter.
“Everyone needed a reason to fight, Dennis. And you were Colin’s.” What a beautiful way to finish the story. It connects so wonderfully with the title and the end of the previous chapter.
Sometimes Henry's dialogue didn't quite flow to me or seem quite realistic... particularly the line The three of us tried to do our part for the war together, and we did well most of the time. I can't quite put my finger on what doesn't seem right, sorry, but it just didn't seem quite realistic.
Also, why would Dennis never see Will again? Presumably they would both be at Hogwarts together. The only reason I can think of is that Will's parents would want to keep him away from magic after the pain it caused him, but if that's the case, I think it would be better if you explained that.
Anyway, this is a fantastic story and you've really managed to get an emotional response from the reader and you've portrayed the characters so well.
Author's Response: It means so much that you've reviewed all chapters of this story. I'm so happy you liked the details of this. I was worried that the epilogue wasn't good enough to submit as part of this story, because I wrote it some time after I had already finished the other two. I'll have a look at Henry's dialogue, it might be a bit too formal for him. Regarding Dennis and Will…he might *see* him again, literally, but he realizes that they're going to lose the brotherhood bond they shared. Will isn't going to be a second-year, since he didn't even do one year of schooling, so he'll be six years behind Dennis. They won't be in the same House, because sadly Will is more of a Claw (well, not sadly, Ravenclaw is a wonderful House). He'll make new friends, because in the end what they shared was their being hidden when they both wished so desperately otherwise. The don't have a 'friendship', per se, more of a brotherhood, so in a way Dennis has lost two brothers. Sorry for that long, complicated, and probably incomprehensible response :). As always, thank you so so much for your lovely review! xx Ariana
Hannah Abbott was up to her eyeballs in a business she scarcely knew how to run. Out of money and sleep deprived, all she could do was grind out day after day, but she couldn't last forever that way.
And then Neville walked into her pub and into her life. Things might've started looking up, after all.
I really can't believe how quickly you write new stories... I just checked, this is your fourth story on the most recent page... 4 stories in 7 days... you're insane lol.
This was a lovely story. I loved Hannah, particularly the way you wrote her exhaustion at the beginning and compared her to how she used to be (as in with her nails and that sort of thing). I had a really clear picture of her.
Neville was great, too. I liked how their relationship was lovely and innocent for most of the fic - Hannah's excitement to show Neville what she'd done around the place and Neville's excitement to see her, and the way he absent-mindedly touched her cheek or her hair... it just had this lovely youthful innocence to it, which just really suited these characters. Plus it was juxtaposed nicely with Hannah looking at her reflection and seeing an old woman.
I loved the idea that Hannah would set up business in Hogsmeade, and that's how she would get around the problem of Neville being in Scotland for most of the year, and her in London.
Lovely story, once again, Jess.
P.S. Happy Birthday Lori!
Hehe, I think I had five on the Most Recent last week. :D
I like me a bit of awkward advances. I think Neville was subconsciously doing that when he was unintentionally feeling her up -- thinking about doing it and not realising that his hands sort of went there on their own, lol.
And in my brain universe, since Hannah left before the end of her sixth-year, she doesn't know how to Apparate properly yet. She will learn later, but at this point, she hadn't had the time yet. It would've required that she Floo to Hogsmeade to see Neville, but if she was there all the time, he could sneak out at the weekend and see her.
Glad you liked it, and I shall make sure Lori gets your message. :)
Summary: It is the Easter holiday at Hogwarts and Charlie Weasley has decided to stay at school instead of going home. He told his mother that he needed to study, but Charlie has something, or rather someone, on his mind.
Maybe this year a certain Metamorphmagus will become more than a friend?
Thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this story.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. She is far richer, far taller and is far more talented.
Happy Easter, MNFF'ers.
This was a lovely fic. I was a little surprised initially, because I know Remus and Tonks are your favourite characters and you write excellent Remus/Tonks stories.
Having said that, I really enjoyed this story, and it doesn't necessarily negate Remus/Tonks, because at this stage she hadn't met him yet.
I loved the title and the ending, because somehow that idea made this more original and less cliched. It made me smile, too.
I loved the flashback scenes, they really showed the friendship that these two have and how comfortable they are with each other. I thought it was a nice touch that she didn't call him Charlie once, and yet he called her Nymphadora, although in the narrative he always refers to her as Tonks.
One thing though - do you think their housemates would really scorn them for having friends in other houses? I mean, I think Gryffindors would if you were friends with a Slytherin, but because it's a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff... I mean, their housemates would be surprised, but scorn just didn't seem right to me.
Anyway. Excellent writing - of course. I don't think I've read anything bad written by you. Or anything that wasn't very good.
And I'm rambling here now too...
Author's Response: Thank you. I do write a bit of Charlie/Tonks in my chaptered fic Apparently Asleep because I see him as the forerunner to Remus. They were the same school year so I like to imagine that they're friends. You could be righr about the word 'scorn', it is a bit harsh although I tempered it with 'faint'. I will think about something else, but I do think there's a lot of condescension towards the Hufflepuffs, ao Charlie forming such a strong friendship with one would have been noted with surprise. After the Battle of Hogwarts, of course, things would have been very different. Ernie was such a hero - :-). Thank you very much for the review, Katrina.
Summary: Coming home late from an Auror assignment, Ron faces a conversation he didn't expect... at least, not for a few more years.
Just a fun little one-shot, dedicated to Lori (WeasleyMom), the Queen of all things Romione.
I really enjoyed this. Your characterisation of Ron was excellent, I just had a sense of him right from the beginning. but the last of the original Death Eaters to have eluded capture was turning out to be, well… Elusive. I can just imagine Ron saying that. (Although I don't think elusive needs a capital.)
I loved how you built up a bit of suspense when Hermione wasn't in bed - the line All it met with was air. had me suddenly worried about Hermione, and wondering if it would tie in with Rodolphus Lestrange somehow... so great job on the suspense.
I think Hermione's nightmare was very realistic, and you wrote it so well. I had such a sense of Hermione's character in her dialogue - in pain from the memories, worried about her children and about Ron. I liked the connection between Hermione's helplessness in her dream and Ron's helplessness when it actually happened.
Ron's joke about Percy was so typical of him - trying to lighten the mood, which with Hermione can always be a bit too serious. And I loved the way Hermione broke the news to him.
My favourite part was this: Then he saw, with a shiver of dread, his son’s life without a father. Family is so important for Ron, and this line just really embodies that. In a way, I think it would have been great if you'd elaborated a bit and described his son's life without a father... and yet at the same time, that single line is stark in comparison to the previous paragraph, so I can't really decide. Sorry, that wasn't very helpful.
Anyway, I think you characterised Ron and Hermione very well, and this was a fantastic story.
Author's Response: Thank you for this amazing review! It really made my day. =D I think I agree with you about the capitalization of elusive. I'll go back and change it soon. I'm glad you enjoyed this story. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Summary: Lee Jordan loves radio, loves reporting, and loves interviewing famous and important people.
I think this is a really different and original story, and I enjoyed it. You portrayed Lee so well, you gave him a very believable personality which complied with everything we see of him in the books. I like the distinction you've made between him and other journalists, particularly (Rita) Skeeter, because I think Lee is the kind of journalist who looks for truth, not what will make the best article or interview. I think you're right too that Harry would only give an interview to Lee, and not til many years after the Battle, for that very reason. Because Harry knows that he won't have a repeat of Rita I'll-publish-whatever-makes-me-sound-good Skeeter. Anyway. Getting a bit off topic here...
I liked the fragments and how they showed the progression of his career and how much the public enjoyed him. I really loved the last few sentences, they just encapsulated the whole story so well.
There were a few times when you're writing didn't seem to flow that well.
The war was still painful to him, even after all this time. Out of all the people who had been at Hogwarts that night, Lee had probably lost the least. The only loss he had suffered was the loss of Fred Weasley. Fred had been one of his best friends, but not family. Lee had known some of the others, but he hadn’t been as deeply affected as some. But it still hurt. It still burned in his memory. I really liked the idea in this paragraph, and the last two sentences were great, but it just seemed a little wordy and... I'm not quite sure how to explain this, but it just didn't sound as good as it could have, in my opinion.
Also, you've missed closing the quotation marks at the end of the second part. And would Kingsley know Lee by name at the beginning, if Lee had only been at WZRD for two weeks? Just a thought.
Anyway, I hope you haven't found this review negative, because I really did enjoy story. It was different and refreshing.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. The part about the war was awkward for me, but I couldn't think of how else to say it. And I think that Lee's thoughts on the war would be a little disorganized. Of course Kingsley knew Lee. They were on Potterwatch together. I appreciate all criticism, good or bad. Thank you for reading. Julie
Woops, I forgot Kingsley did Potterwatch too... and I suppose you're right that Lee wasn't clear about his experiences in the war. Anyway. It was a great fic :).
Summary: For Remus Lupin, Easter has always been his favourite time of year. It has nothing to do with chocolate, he tells his friends, and everything to do with timing...
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling or the Easter Bunny, but here's a little Easter gift for everyone at MNFF.
Thank you Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this story and for being all round a ... a ... amazing.
This was lovely, Carole. I'd never thought about the significance of Easter for Remus - that was really clever.
I loved the scene at the beginning, and how well you showed all the Marauders and Lily. In that space you really showed their characters and how they interact.
I wonder if you're a bit harsh on James and Sirius here - James and Sirius had very fleeting interest in things that didn’t concern them. I think you're probably right that they wouldn't remember his 'puzzle' or try to work it out, but saying that they didn't care about things that didn't concern them just sounds a bit too selfish. I think it's more that they tend to look to the immediate future, and they couldn't find an immediate solution to the puzzle, so they forgot about it. Anyway, I'm getting off track here, that's just a small thing.
I loved the scene with Tonks. The dialogue you gave her was just so realistic for her giving birth... it made me smile, but it was also very realistic. I loved how you included Remus' fears about his son being a werewolf, and that Tonks figured out why Easter was important to her husband. It shows their closeness and how well they know each other.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I probably was a little harsh on James and Sirius but it was more that they were teenage boys and both rather big-headed at the time and I get the feeling that if something doesn't come easily to them, the they tend to dismiss it. They obviously matured, but here they're both only 14 (and 14 year old boys can be annoying). Glad you thought the childbirth scene realistic., I've had three kids, so I would hope I could write that -LOL. Thanks again for the review - Carole~
Summary: Narcissa Malfoy lives in a dazzling world, full of glittering social events and fawning admirers. But there is always something more, a hint of darkness to her otherwise bright life. A deep, ominous... but beautiful darkness. A darkness that no-one has ever cared about.
This was something wonderful and beautiful. And so original, too. Right from the beginning, you captured Narcissa so well. I loved the routine of brushing her hair, the idea of her finding a grey hair. It showed to the reader what she shows to the rest of the world, and then you delved more inside her.
I loved that the flashback was in present tense - it gave that whole scen an immediacy and urgency which really fitted. Your Rodolphus was a breath of fresh air - so often he seems to be immasculated by Bella, just a toy she plays with, so to show this side of him was fascinating.
I just have a few little nitpicks - you wrote whatever that was supposed entailed. It either has to be "whatever that was supposed to entail" or "whatever that supposedly entailed".
Also, personally I think the ending would have been more effective if you'd swapped the "I don't love you." with the last paragraph. I think "I don't love you" would have been a great ending for the story, and to me it has more punch than what you have.
Anyway, they're just small things. I really loved your attention to detail in terms of appearances and Narcissa's actions as well as your characterisations.
Summary: They were returning to a life full of hope and dreams, but they never got there.Originally written for the TTB Brawl:Round 3. Inspired by the quote ""When we get home, Frank, then there'll be kisses, kisses with dreams in them. Kisses that come from life, not death." - The Postman Always Rings Twice Nominated for a QSQ in the Best General Category.
This is just beautiful... beautiful and tragic. The contrast between the two sections is so well done. It was almost painful reading the first part, because I knew what was going to happen to Alice.
Maybe, this kiss marks the beginning of our release. Maybe, there is nothing more to fear now. Maybe, this kiss is the affirmation of a future that is filled with normalcy and free from the insanity of the past few years. I loved this bit. Your word choice ("normalcy", "future", "insanity") was great... it was heart-breaking. Although the commas after maybe interrupted the flow for me a bit.
And the second part. Wow. I'm always impressed by people who can write from the perspective of a mad person, because even though it may seem illogical and random, there's usually some link or part of logic through it. (If that makes sense.) And you just nailed it. I can't say anything more than that it was haunting and beautiful and tragic and just so well-written... I think this is one of my favourites of your stories, which are all fantastic, so that's saying something.
Author's Response: Katrina!
Summary: Life is never smooth between lovers, especially when you wake up with them everyday.A tiny and fun one-shot featuring Scorpius/Hugo. This is for you, Lea. I really hope you like it! Thanks to Kara for being my eternal beta-reader. :D DISCLAIMER: I am not JK Rowling.
I think you really must have converted me, Natalie, because here I am reading another Scorpius/Hugo story... anyway. I have to admit that I rather enjoyed this. As Jess said in her review, it just shows the normalcy of life so well... when I saw this, I expected it to be about them as teenagers, because that seems to be the most common thing for people to write. But this was just a lovely insight into two peoples' adult lives, not at all dramatic, just normal.
Oh yeah, I loved the "Equally Weird Brothers". That definitely made me smile.
And of course, as usual, your writing was perfect for this story, it flowed well and was just generally amazing.
That didn’t, however, mean that it was a nice thing to live with a moody lover for hours at end. - I always thought the expression was "hours on end", but that could just be me lol. It just sounded a bit odd to me so I thought I'd mention it.
Anyway. Great story again :),
Author's Response: Katrina!
Summary: Not everyone recovers from the Battle.
A poem about loss and the tragedy for those left alive.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I doubt I would have had the courage to kill so many.
Nominated for a 2011 QSQ for Best Poetry, Thank you
This brought tears to my eyes, Carole. Generally I'm not a huge poetry fan and I don't have a lot to say about rhyme/rhythm... but this was just really beautiful. The whole thing just flowed so well and you can really capture emotions in so few words.
I think my favourite line was "She still weeps". It just really shows the unending grief that continues despite life going on. Having said that, I could quote the whole poem back and say they were all my favourite lines.
Just a really fabulous poem.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I don;t know much about poetry either - certainly not all the different forms, but sometimes like experimenting with using fewer words to tell a story or express an emotion. I don;t think Molly and Arthur would ever have fully recovered from Fred'd death. *sigh* ~Carole~
Summary: When Lily Potter is humiliated by her brother, she sees her chances of a date with the lush Greg Cadwallader disintegrate. But rather than hide away in the kitchens, she decides this time that James has gone too far. She wants revenge, but how does she get the punishment to fit the crime?
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling or have any drop of Weasley pranking blood in me.
This story is for Olivia (Apollonius) who likes a certain ship as much as I do, and has written the odd prank in her time. Happy Birthday!
Loved this story, Carole. You pulled off the typical sibling rivalry story but with something that made it quite different. I was surprised when I saw "Greg Cadwallader" instead of "Scorpius Malfoy" in the summary lol so I can't say I was really surprised when she ended up deciding that Greg wasn't for her. But it was a lovely way to end the story, because you didn't follow the cliche of 'she gets the guy' kind of thing.
I loved the James/Lily story... very creative and in character and also very fitting to this story.
I also enjoyed the connections to "High" (you really couldn't resist throwing Scorpius in there, could you?), and I think what was amazing about this was that your writing was so similar to in "High", that it really could have been another chapter of that.
Author's Response: Hey, Katrina, thank you for the review. This ended up as a sort of High prequel, I guess. And the nods to my Lily were always present (apple loving). The green beret, btw, is a Natalie inspiration because she drew Lily with a hat knitted by her grandma/ randomness. Thanks again and glad you liked the story. ~Carole~
The funeral of Andromeda Tonks was a strange affair, thought Lily Potter. It was hard to understand how so many people could send her off into the next life yet seem to mourn her so little. Or maybe it was just a stark reminder of what it truly meant to die.
But someone understood how she really felt, if only just a little.
This fic is a sort of sequel to one of my other stories, All the Time in the World. It's not necessary to read it, but allusions to events do occur.
And how about a Happy Birthday to Olivia/Apollonious! :D
Lovely writing, Jess. It was simply too much for Lily to process at the moment. Halted just on the perimeter of the gathering, she choked back a sob or two before she didn’t have it in her to fight it anymore. She missed Teddy. She wanted him to come back to mourn his gran like they all should’ve been doing. She didn’t want to be mourned by hollow men with even more hollow respect for her life and experiences. That just really summed up this story for me, and you wrote that hollow feeling so well throughout the fic.
It was so sad that the most important thing to people was keeping up appearances. You wrote this so well in all the interactions between the characters. The scene between Harry and Lily was wonderfully written.
I think I'm probably always going to disagree with you about Harry and Ginny... the way you write them isn't how I envision them, but at the same time, I can see how your creations come from canon. So they're not OC, just different. It connected very well to "All The Time in the World" (although it's a fair while since I read that, so I don't remember it really well). I hope this paragraph makes sense...
Anyway. Wonderfully written and wonderfully characterised, Jess.
I suppose my goal in writing this was to show that little part of all of us who think of ourselves more than we think about others. I theorise that part of Lily's breakdown was that she saw she was doing just that very thing and it disgusted her. No one wants to think that they're selfish and inconsiderate.
The interaction with Scorpius is actually bit hard to explain in the story. I am hoping that my intention was clear and that he and Lily were experiencing the same sense of surreal detachment to the funereal process and hoping that their own passings were not so nondescript and unmarked. It would be just plain depressing, which was why he was so inattentive in slamming into Lily. He was so deep in thought about certain things that trifles like looking where he was going and/or apologising for mowing someone over didn't really occur to him. And then what happened after that was basically a genetic takeover with Lily getting him back and then their subsequent pissing contest outside. Of course, I try to add these sorts of subtleties into stories with the faint glimmer that someone might notice or not mind listening to me ramble about it in reviews. You're really lovely about listening to my rambles. :D
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the story and connected with the themes I wanted to put across. You are so lovely a reviewer. And I'll keep telling you that until the cows come home.
Summary: There is more than one kind of ghost. There are actual physical ghosts, the imprints of departed souls who wander between worlds. There are photographs and portraits that show dead people, faint imitations of what they were in life. Then there are the less obvious ghosts. The little reminders we get every day, the things we can't forget. Can two people constantly haunted by the ghost of their best friend be happy... especially if they are the ghosts?
Julie, this was just a lovely story.
The opening/summary was gripping, interesting and thoughtful, and just so perfect for these two characters. I think George and Angelina's relationship is interesting, because she did go out with Fred at one point... though in canon it's never quite clear how serious that was. Anyway. The way you interpreted it was beautiful and at the same time heart-breaking.
The style of writing was really new and different. You developed both their voices so distinctly and I could always tell which one was 'speaking'.
This was beautifully written and a great, though heart-breaking, story.
Author's Response: Katrina, I'm glad you enjoyed this story. I thought that, regardless of how "serious" Angelina's romantic attachment to Fred was, it would still be sad to be married to his twin. Thank you for the compliment on style. Many thanks for reviewing. Julie
Hermione never left Harry's side...
...But that doesn't mean she never thought about it.
As you know, I'm not a huge poetry fan, but this looked interesting and I knew it would be good as it was written by you, so I clicked. (I also wrote a story just a few weeks ago with the same title... but getting off track here.)
You captured Hermione so wonderfully here. Of course she would have thought about leaving or wanted to leave at certain times, and yet the last line is so perfect, too, because for that reason she never would have. (If that makes sense.)
You created the setting of the tent and both Hermione and Harry's moods in so few words and so well.
You know, I don't know if I ever could've written an entire fic about Hermione angsting over whether to leave Harry like Ron had, but poetry was the perfect medium for it. As you noticed, it's a very emotional decision, and emotions lend themselves so well to poetry that I couldn't have picked anything else more perfect to display her internal struggle.
I know you don't consider yourself a poetry aficionado (truth be told, I'm the furthest thing from that myself), but you do well in the way you pick up themes and feelings. Hopefully the poets of MNFF can increase your enjoyment of this particular genre. :)
Thanks for reading and reviewing as always!
Summary: "It's really rather tooth and claw. Most things want to bite or sting or kill you," Gloria Greengrass tells Winston Flint, as they walk through the woods together after Lucius and Narcissa Malfoyâ€™s wedding.
Shortly afterwards Gloria is found murdered. As the Auror Fabian Prewett begins to question the suspects, he finds himself asking who would want to kill a fifteen-year-old girl?
This is welshdevondragon of Gryffindor writing for the 2011 Mysterious May Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt number two
Due to the current MNFF glitch, I have changed the rating to 3rd-5th years BUT this is a 6th-7th years story, and therefore should be read as such.
I can't believe how quickly you've updated this - and "A Darkling Plain" as well (I haven't got past the first chapter on that one yet though...). Anyway. This was a wonderful beginning to a story.
I love Gloria as a character - there's something almost Luna-ish about her and yet she's also quite different. She had just turned fifteen and therefore only recently been allowed to drink wine, and she was feeling slightly giddy. I loved this line, because it gave good background details on her but also shows that she tends to follow rules and that the idea of growing up fascinates her. I do hope you don't kill her off. But she does seem like the perfect victim.
Winston Flint was also portrayed very realistically - you really showed him as a teenaged boy who's not quite sure what he should think. He had a similar sort of innocence to Gloria, I thought, which was nicely contrasted with Florence's infidelity.
I'm very much looking forward to reading the rest of this - you've set up an interesting scene.
Author's Response: Ironically it's when I don't really have the time to write that I write the most- although the D/A queue is moving very quickly at the moment, which is part of the reason ADP is going up so fast.
I'm pleased you like Gloria. She is Luna-ish, but I'm pleased she's different. I really like her, but I know some people, in later chapters, thought she was a bit gruesome. She is interesting.
Honestly Winston Flint is one of my OCs whose given me the hardest time, so it's nice you think he's realistic and has the right teenage innocence whilst wanting to grow up, I hope he continues to be realistic. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoy the rest! Alex
I've loved this whole story, Alex. I'm glad you included the Epilogue, because things wrapped up very quickly at the end of the last chapter and the Epilogue was so well-written and such a wonderful read.
I had been suspecting Regulus since chapter 3. You just did such a wonderful job of characterising him - I liked how you showed his disgust but how he managed to make everything sort of academic and not think about it. As I said before, the Epilogue was so well-written, you captured his character - something of a tortured soul - so well. I don't really know how to describe it.
Bellatrix was also wonderfully written. I could really see her as the Bellatrix of Thin Red Lines as well. Rodolphus' reaction to her was the most vivid image, I think, but throughout she was chillingly cold and emotionless and manipulative.
I wasn't quite sure why the Marauders (assuming that the wolf, dog and stag were them) appeared in the story - I mean, I know Remus killed the fox, which helped develop Gloria's character and showed what happened then, but it just seemed a little... random to me.
I don't think Gloria is morbid or gruesome - I see her more as very honest and simultaneously aware of the lies and deceit which surround her, and not quite sure what to make of it so she retreats to nature, which she understands. Well, that's how I see her anyway (I hope it's at least partly in line with what you meant).
Humans always had a choice, no matter how horrific it seemed. I loved that line, because it connected this story really well to canon and it shows that Regulus understands what Voldemort never did.
Nothing could ever be proven. This is a fantastic way to end a mystery, because it's usually the kind of story which promises justice and a solution.
I liked Florence's characterisation in this - it linked really well to that one-shot you wrote about her (sorry, can't remember the name) and you wrote her desperation so well.
I did like the ending, and I'm glad you changed it so it wasn't AU, partially because I prefer canon-compliant, and partially because what you have written just works so well.
Another excellent story, Alex.
Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it :) It's lovely that you read so much of my stuff- it makes me feel really happy that you think it's good enough to read more of, and not just one story. I'm also really pleased you thought the Epilogue was good- I really enjoyed writing it, though the genius of the idea has to go to Soraya.
I'm also pleased that you had your suspicions but still enjoyed it. If I guess whodunnit then I normally get annoyed with the author for not being cleverer than me- :)
The Marauders- I hadn't intended on having them. And they were a bit random but, honestly, I couldn't resist the possibility of including them. I had the image of the fox first and then realised I could have Remus responsible for it. I have tried and failed at writing the Marauders well so this seemed my only opportunity to write about them.
You've got Gloria perfectly––nature is black and white, whereas our lives aren't and growing up scares and excites her (as it does most people I think) but she retreats more than most. I think Viv says something similar about nature in ADP.
I found ending this story really difficult, so it's nice you liked that ending. I do find murder mysteries where everything is tied up neatly really irritating. Crimes in RL are more jagged then that so I don't see why in TV it should be any different. And, despite some minor canon errors in nearly every story, I am ideally a canon girl too. Anyway thank you so much for the lovely review-I'm really happy that you enjoyed it. Alex
Summary: Florence Delaine thought that all she needed in life was a wealthy husband. When she marries the violent Edgar Parkinson, she discovers that money cannot buy her happiness and determines to thwart her husband in the few ways she can.
Florence is a very minor character in my story Thin Red Lines and a more important one in another story of mine, Tooth and Claw. This one-shot takes place before Tooth and Claw.
Nominated for a best dark/ angsty story Quicksilver Quill. Thank you!
Due to the current MNFF glitch, I have changed the rating to 3rd-5th years BUT this is a 6th-7th years story, and therefore should be read as such.
Alex, you just blew me away with this... I'm speechless. It's disturbing and frightening to know that there are people like this. I don't know how you managed to get into Florence's character so well, but that's what amazes me about your writing - all your stories feel slightly different. So in my mind, Florence wrote this, not Alex.
I loved how you showed Florence's desperation to justify herself. Don’t judge me. Please, please don’t judge me. To me, that's what this story really is. Her trying to prove to herself that what she's done is okay, or good.
I wanted to feel bad for Florence, and yet at the same time it was hard. Lines like It takes someone stronger than me to get a job and I hated the idea of working. made her just seem weak and whingy... and yet I still didn't feel like I could wholly blame her for what she chose.
I loved the contradictions in this. For example, Florence says this right at the beginning: Which, in hindsight, was a bad decision. Not necessarily marrying, but marrying him., and yet she seems to be trying to prove that it was a good decision. I think this really showed her character. I also loved how you showed that in the last line. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I was eighteen, it’s that money can buy anything. Well, nearly anything. That 'well, nearly anything' just adds sooo much to this story.
Also I loved how this fits in with your other stories - it always impresses me when people not only fit stories in with the vasts amounts of canon, but also more new things they've created themselves.
I think it sad how many people say the Hogwarts years are the happiest of their lives. You get to eighteen and it’s all downhill from there. Or, at least, it was for me. I love the opening line, but the next sentence doesn't quite make sense to me. I thought she was saying 'I hate it when people say that because it's not true for this reason...' so it didn't quite make sense to me.
Anyway. This was just amazing.
Author's Response: I don't really know how I wrote this/ where it came from. Well, kind of since I've always been interested in how pre-normalising of divorce/ gender equality women deal with being in a marriage where they are automatically at a disadvantage. But of course with Florence she's chosen it for money. So I'm glad you got the duality of that- that she has to some extent chosen this- because I agree with you. I find it hard to sympathise with her, so I'm pleased you think I've pulled off her voice.
And also, particularly with the first person, I really hope that my characters sound different so you saying that this didn't feel like I wrote it but like Florence writing it made me really happy :)
I see what you mean about that first sentence. It kind of builds up to a contradiction and then there isn't one. But I quite like that. Anyway thanks for the review. I'm slightly in shock that you thought so highly of it, but thank you :) Alex