Penname: The_Real_Hermione [Contact]
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Member Since: 07/14/10
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Bio:
Hi! I'm Katrina and I am not J.K. Rowling (just to avoid any confusion there).

I've been writing on MNFF since about 2010, but up until a few months ago had not written anything for quite some time. So I am trying to get back into writing, and have quite a few stories percolating in my head, but I just need to find the time to write them.

I basically only write one-shots (I have one three chaptered story), and they're usually character explorations and snapshots rather than long plots, but I've written about a variety of characters, so hopefully there's something you'll enjoy. I like experimenting a bit with form too.

Anyway if you have stumbled here by accident, I do hope you enjoy something.
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Reviews by The_Real_Hermione
 

Ready by Gmariam
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 22]

Summary: Ron decides to leave the Ministry, and the reasons catch Hermione by surprise.

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1594 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/14/11 Updated: 04/14/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/14/11 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

Gina, I really do love your dialogue-only fics. I am completely in awe of how you manage to give away so much setting and tell the plot simply through dialogue... and you just nailed these two characters and this scene. I mean, after those opening lines, how could you go wrong? "Hermione, I've been thinking." / "Is that why you've been eating so much lately?" That's a fantastic opening.

I loved how Ron proposed... I can imagine him trying to take her for a walk and do something romantic and then end up just blurting it out at the breakfast table. And it is very sweet of Ron to want to give up the job he loves for Hermione... it really shows how he's matured particularly since earlier canon.

So really I have nothing more to say other than that this is just perfect for these two characters... excellent job!

~Katrina

(Happy Birthday Lori - I love your Ron/Hermione fics too!)

Author's Response: Thanks, Katrina! I'm glad you liked the opening - Ron and his food, right? ;) And I'm very happy you found them in character, even with no narrative. I like writing this way sometimes, it's fun. And I'm so glad when people enjoy it because I worry the dialogue only thing will turn some readers off. I'm glad it worked for you. Thanks so much for the amazing review!! ~Gina :)

 

In The Stars by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: A year after divorcing the impossible Draco Malfoy, Astoria Greengrass is preparing for her perfect wedding to the perfect Roger Davies. The only possible thing that could mar her day is the need to accommodate a journalist and a photographer from The Prophet

Then her sister turns up with her ex in tow, and Astoria realises her day is not going to be quite so 'yar' after all.

This story has been written for Lori (Weasley Mom) who is a big fan of the film The Philadelphia Story.This story has been inspired by that film. If you haven't seen the film, then you should because it's a classic.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, Philip Barry or Katherine Hepburn.

Thank you, Natalie, for the beta work.

** - indicates a line from the film High Society.

Categories: Draco/Other Character Genre: Warnings: Strong Profanity

Word count: 5968 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/14/11 Updated: 04/14/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/15/11 Title: Chapter 1: What a Swell Party this is

This was a very interesting story, Carole. I haven't seen that movie, so I don't know how much of this is its plot... but wherever the idea came from, this is well-written and a great read.

I loved how you managed to intertwine several storylines - Roger/Astoria/Draco, Daphne/Anthony (this might have been my favourite, it was so sad), Dean/Lisa, the Greengrass family dynamics... and yet this story flows well and doesn't feel overwhelming.

I was expecting Astoria and Draco to get back together... after all, you tend to be a canon-stickler, but I was intrigued as to how it would happen. I loved how you wrote it.

I'm curious... was Draco trying to be obnoxiously funny when talking to Dean about Seamus? Because he struck me as over-the-top if he was just behaving normally... but that's just my opinion.

I loved Calliope. The way children tend to just say what they think was very effective in this story.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thank you very much. Um, Draco was deliberately being obnoxious in the same way that Astoria pretended not to remember who Lisa was. I think they're made for each other - ha ha. The film, btw, is amazing and there's also a musical version called High Society. (stops plugging the films) Thanks again ~Carole~

 
Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/16/11 Title: Chapter 1: What a Swell Party this is

Sometimes I should probably think a bit more before reviewing stories... after I got your response, I re-read this story and it seemed rather obvious that Draco was being purposefully obnoxious, just as Astoria was. You're right, they really are perfect for each other.

~Katrina

Author's Response: That's okay, I frequently review and then think ... 'Oh, she did write that.' Thanks again ~Carole~

 

Anchored by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Past Featured StoryThis day, he is worried, scared and numb. His loved ones cannot do anything about it, but someone comes along by chance and brings him back.

This is hestiajones of Hufflepuff writing for the Great Hall April Fools Challenge, Lonely List: Next Generation. It actually won! :D Nathan even swept the floor with the Extra Credit Award. Thank you, Lea, for beta-reading this at such short notice.

Nominated for a QSQ in the Same Sex Pairing category.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Slash, Strong Profanity

Word count: 3719 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/14/11 Updated: 04/16/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/16/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Beautiful. That's the first thing that comes to mind about this story... your writing is excellent, you really had me in this story, I was really worried you were going to kill Scorpius or something, so I guess that's what it would have been like for Hugo. And I can't believe you killed Andrew! He's such a wonderful character!

This had a nice mixture of fun, pain, love, tension... just everything. Nathan being turned into a broom really made me smile, and Rosemary was a lovely character. It's weird thinking of Nathan as older... in my mind he's still the innocent Nathan we see in Becoming Rita... anyway...

I liked the way you explored the idea of words. It added something really different to this story.

The first time I read this, Ron's dialogue at the beginning seemed to me a bit more like Harry than Ron, but I didn't notice it so much when I re-read it... so I'm not sure. I can't really explain why, but it just didn't quite feel like Ron. (Sorry, that's not very constructive...)

Now the ending of this story is simply amazing. My last coherent thought before drifting off to sleep is this: tomorrow, I’m for the world and I’ll mourn with it, but tonight, let me stay drunk with life. Just wow. Really. How on earth do you come up with lines like this?

Oh yes, one more thing, I loved what you did with Draco, and the shift in his relationship with Hugo between the beginning and the end.

I'm not the biggest Scorpius/Hugo fan, but your excellent writing really made that relationship believable as well, although it wasn't really the main part of this story.

I loved the idea of a bomb, too. That was something really creative and different, I don't think I've ever read a fic which features a Muggle bomb before.

I had sort of hoped that you'd somehow resolve Hugo's relationship with his father... although I suppose you kind of do in the second last paragraph, or at least you say that he will try and resolve it. It's just that everything else sort of felt resolved, except for that.

I really really really (need I say it again?) loved this story... it was just so well-written and so emotional and really creative as well.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Katrina!

I was so excited to see you had reviewed, as I don't think you read Scorpius/Hugo in general. YAY! I'll consider it a victory. :D

I did think of resolving the scene with Ron, but it felt out of place for the events of that night. :( And speaking of Ron, it might just be the fact that I can't write him (or Harry). However, I tried to keep the character in character by retaining in doggedness. Perhaps, Ron does grow strict with time.

I'm super happy you liked the fic. I wrote it on an impulse; I was dying to write something. It's nice to hear it worked. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

~Natalie

 

One Last Run by Gmariam
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: As his relationship with Lily Evans picks up, James is forced to confront an equally important bond with one of his best friends and the future they face together.

Categories: Same-Sex Pairings Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Slash

Word count: 1761 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/17/11 Updated: 04/17/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/18/11 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

Wow! Generally I'm not much of a James/Sirius fan, so I was a little tentative about this story... but I had no need to be. Often to me James/Sirius stories don't really stick to canon and their characterisation, but this story did perfectly.

There was just so much vulnerability in both of them here, and fragility. I liked how you built up a sense of excitement at the beginning, particularly in Sirius, but by also having James' dream about Lily interrupted it shows a reluctance on James' part, which jars with that excitement. That usually meant…well, James tried not to think about that quite yet. That just shows what James is thinking and feeling so well.

“But what?” asked Sirius. “Don’t apologize, Prongs. I’m not going to be offended.” I think this really shows what you explore a bit later - that Sirius always knew it would end, and perhaps James did, too, and now they just have to accept it.

"Still friends?" he finally asked, terrified of the answer. He refused to think that his relationship with Lily would cost him his friendship with Sirius; he did not know if he would accept that. That shows such a vulnerability in James, and I really liked how you showed that he is truly afraid that Sirius would withdraw his friendship.

Sirius ruffled his hair, and James was sure his friend was wearing a smile that masked the underlying sadness he often hid from rest of the world. Wow. What a perfect way of showing Sirius' character. This is an aspect of him I completely agree with - underneath I think he misses his family... or misses the family he wished he had... and feels a lot more pain than other people, but he masks it all with a casual smile or a joke... and I think you're right, only James can really see through this.

A sudden lump formed in his throat, but James swallowed it away, determined not to let Sirius see his regret. I think this is an interesting line, because it shows how they have lost something in their relationship, in that James doesn't want Sirius to see his regret - therefore they are no longer as close.

I liked the joking cameraderie between them at the end - I think at this stage both of them are hiding their sadness, and yet it shows that they both accept it and want to make their friendship work despite the fact that it's so different now.

Anyway... this was a very long review, but I think you may have converted me to ship James/Sirius...

~Katrina

Author's Response: I've converted someone! Yay! You know, I hadn't really given much thought to James/Sirius until I wrote this, and now I love it, more than any of the other Marauder ships. There are just so many dimensions to explore, from their vulnerability to their closeness to their reluctance to part. I'm so glad you gave this story a chance and ended up enjoying it. As always, thank you so much for the lovely review!! ~Gina :)

 

Looking Forward by Gmariam
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Lily Potter is getting ready for her last year at Hogwarts, shopping with her cousin in Diagon Alley. She is not particularly excited for the coming year until a chance encounter with a friend from her childhood changes her outlook. Suddenly, seventh year doesn't look so bad.

This is Gmariam of Ravenclaw writing for the 2011 Aprils Fools' Day Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt 3, Next Generation.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 3883 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/17/11 Updated: 04/17/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/17/11 Title: Chapter 1: One Shot

Hi Gina,

This was another enjoyable story. I really liked your characterisation of Lily - often in fanfiction she seems to be written as a younger version of Ginny - popular, fiery, good at Quidditch, naturally talented but not necessarily hard-working etc, and you showed someone different, who was entirely her own person. Of course, I can see a fair bit of Harry and a little of Ginny in her, but I think you did a great job of creating someone new and interesting.

Brian was a great character, too - I'm glad you divulged his last name at the end, I was wondering how come he'd been a family friend... okay I probably could have guessed when you said he went into Hufflepuff "following in his mother's footsteps, not his father's", but I didn't. So glad you put that in. I loved the way he stood up for Lily and how he could get so excited about broomstick regulations. Even though he didn't like broomsticks. He seems like a very believable OC to me, and really perfect for your interpretation of Lily.

Just a few small things - Being in both different houses and different years at Hogwarts had meant her and Brian saw less and less of each other. - I'm pretty sure it should be "she and Brian", not "her and Brian".

Also, you wrote "American" instead of "America".

Before I finish, I loved Ginny in this, although I was surprised that Harry didn't say something like "what are you talking about, Ginny? We planned to meet here..." because Harry doesn't seem to have very much tact. Perhaps his wife has taught him some over twenty or something years of marriage.

~Katrina

Author's Response: A very belated thank you for the lovely review, Katrina! I'm glad you enjoyed the story and really appreciate the comment about Brian as a character because until recently I haven't written many stories with OCs in them. Now all of a sudden I'm juggling quite a few, although they are all minor. Good point about Harry, but lets just say he's learned after so many years, lol. Thanks again! ~Gina :)

 

Their Last Chance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: After the battle, Hermione had settled into the role of working herself to the bone in order to forget what she'd seen and experienced. But when Viktor Krum showed up, wanting to know how she was after nearly a year of no correspondence, Hermione was forced to contemplate some of her choices and what -- or who -- she really wanted.

Categories: Hermione/Other Character Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 4891 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/18/11 Updated: 04/18/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/18/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This was something really different and original and I really enjoyed it. You completely nailed Hermione's characterisation - I smiled when she was expecting to be remonstrated by Madam Pomfrey for falling asleep, it was so typical of her. I think you show a real strength of character in her, too, because the idea of Viktor - someone who would do anything for her and is so attentive and in many ways "perfect" - would be very tempting, particularly because it would be something to hold onto when she's going through so much. I wasn't sure what you were going to do with that scene, particularly when they were in the forest together and Hermione was still so unsure of what Ron felt for her. I really liked the way you solved it.

I do feel a bit bad for Viktor, though, because he does seem to genuinely care for her. I think it's great that you explored this a bit more, because in canon we're never given a definitive ending to this relationship.

Ron was just so... Ron in that last scene. He doesn't say things in the same gentlemanly chilvalrous way that Viktor does, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. You got his dialogue just perfect there.

You handled Viktor's accent really well - it didn't break up the flow of the story at all. I liked how each character's dialogue sounded different - you wrote Hagrid's really well, and there were just mannerisms in each person's dialogue that made it clear who was talking.

One thing - near the end you wrote "It's like a plank with a blanked sewn on" - I assume you meant blanket?

~Katrina

Author's Response:

Hehe, yeah, it was supposed to be 'blanket'. In my defence, it was 2am, I'd been up for nearly 24 hours, and that deadline (the same one as Petunia's story) was looming big time. I skimmed it, but not well enough, lol. Thank you for pointing that out. :D

What I wanted was for Viktor to have a bit of a disillusioned view of what had been between them. He thought that she wanted what he did and that the only reason it never worked between them was the age gap, which would've been less important, since Hermione was only a few months away from turning 19. He didn't realise that what she'd actually been doing when she was with him during fourth year was jerking Ron around for not asking her to the Yule Ball, which is an appropriately immature action for a fifteen year old. He just never saw her as the hurt little girl that she was at the time. And when she never dissuaded him of that notion by keeping in contact, he kept holding out hope that the next step would come. He was even willing to move across the world for her. I wanted to hug him when she said no.

And as for being in the woods, Viktor was sort of angling for something along those lines. It wasn't that he felt it was his due, but more that she felt the same about him as he did her. He never knew that he just didn't have a chance with her, not when she'd always had a thing for Ron.

I tried to make them true to their canon characters, but still a bit of what I personaly picture. While I'm not sure that Hermione ever thought twice about furthering things with Viktor, I wanted him to make it hard to say no. She'd never truly had her own personal hero before, but he'd have spent every waking moment trying to be that for her. That's why I wanted her to falter, if only for a moment.

Hagrid makes me aggravated when I listen to him talk in the movies. I'm a proponent for clear, concise speech, and he makes my English hurt, hehe. I'm glad I could bring forth his Devon-ish accent without butchering it, lol.

Thanks for the lovely review. You understood where I wanted to go with the story and even made me a bit more confident that I did it well. I heart you for that. :D

~Jess 

 

Burning Question by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Petunia had asked Vernon over to breakfast with her parents for one reason -- angling for that coveted marriage proposal. But was the one she wanted the one she got?

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1319 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/18/11 Updated: 04/18/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/18/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Right from the first sentence this was just so perfectly in character... Petunia's anxiety to impress was excellent, and I loved this part - He grunted and stalked past Petunia when she gestured for him to enter their house, which she had cleaned from top to bottom for just this occasion. That single sentence shows so much of their characters and their relationship... just wow.

Her parents were quite amusing in their attempts to make things work for her.

I have to say, I actually felt bad for Petunia at the end... I wonder if anyone's ever written Vernon proposing to her? I can't imagine it... Anyway, his actual question was also very in character, as was her response.

So I'm going on a bit here... but this was just amazing characterisation.

~Katrina

Author's Response:

You know, in a way, I feel bad for Petunia. For years, she spent her entire life thinking what Vernon thought because she felt like it was her duty as his wife to do that. And on top of that, she had an inferiority complex about Lily's magical ability and her own lack thereof, I think it really, along with her submissive personality, really diminished her sense of self worth. A person with a decent self image would never have bothered with a jerk like Vernon, but in a way, he was what she needed. He removed her need to grow out of her rivalry with her sister and then something else to work for.

Anywho, rambling. Glad you liked it. I may or may not have written it in under an hour against a looming deadline, which I made by only five minutes. o.O

~Jess

 

Welcome to the Black Parade by Jaggy
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 1]

Summary: "We’ve got to make them think we think we’re good enough and maybe they can’t see our flaws."

A mission turned to a fight for life makes Sirius remember much of what he once had too readily forgotten.

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 3431 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/18/11 Updated: 04/29/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/29/11 Title: Chapter 1: Paint it Black

Hi Rain,

I really enjoyed this fic. I think Sirius is a very interesting character, particularly in relation to his family vs the family he made for himself (ie the Marauders). I think you've really shown the man underneath the confidence and arrogance here, a man who perhaps wishes he could have had a loving family, or at least that he could have kept his brother. I liked the fact that Sirius felt guilty about Regulus, and felt that he should have been able to do something, that's a very typical sibling reaction.

I liked how you mingled past scenes with present scenes. Particularly the first two past scenes were fantastic.“I understand Reggie, I do, I just learned to pretend that I’m perfect for them, so will you. We’ve got to make them think we think we’re good enough and maybe they can’t see our flaws.” That's such a beautiful line.

You also showed a great sense of war in this fic, particularly in Sirius' distrust of Remus, who has been a close friend for years. James' injuries added to this, too. There was just a sense of things falling apart and dying, which was well done.

Just a few nitpicks - I thought the boldened words interrupted the flow a bit. I know they were important words, but it sort of detracted a bit for me.

Also, you misspelt Kreacher and Apparated (you wrote Kretcher and Apperated).

One more thing, which is that you talking about the Death Eater as "it" just seemed a bit strange to me. I suppose you were trying to animalise/objectify the cruelty of Death Eaters, but that doesn't really make sense to me, because Dumbledore values all human life, and I think that's what he would have taught the OotP. If you used it because of gender ambiguity, I think the only female Death Eater ever mentioned in canon is Bella (we know for example that Narcissa isn't one, though she sympathises with them), so it would be natural for Sirius to assume that the Death Eater was male.

Anyway, those were just a few small things which didn't quite feel right in this story, otherwise I really enjoyed it. I hope you submit more stories soon.

Oh, one last thing, I think you characterised Dumbledore very well, he felt very believable. As did Lily.

~Katrina

 

My Brother's Keeper by lucca4
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary:

A war is raging across the country. Colin Creevey is ready to fight, while his brother Dennis is in hiding with other Muggleborn refugees in the London Underground. Both are ready to play their part in a war that will forever change the history of the Wizarding world.

One will not survive. The other will have his life forever changed by the tragedy that befalls his brother.

But this is not a story about death or loss. This is a tale about brotherhood.

Much, much thanks to the absolutely amazing Elené for beta-ing this. Without her, this story would not be. Disclaimer: I don't own any of JKR's stuff.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 5006 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/19/11 Updated: 05/23/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 05/27/11 Title: Chapter 1: Nothing is the Same

Ariana, I was nearly in tears at the end of this chapter. This was just beautifully written.

I loved this line It occurred to him that he was becoming more and more like an older brother to Will, and he’d never been good at being the older one. It's a lovely line which really shows Dennis' character, and how much of him is connected to being the younger brother of Colin. It was also a lovely connection to the idea of brotherhood which is central to this story.

I loved the flashback scene and the way it showed how Colin takes the lead. I tend to still think of him as how he was in his first year, and I loved you showing him as having matured and being the leader. I think in some ways Colin is quite like Harry and Neville, in that he has something to prove and has to find his bravery, but when does, he has it in spades. If he had gone to Hogwarts, I'm sure he would have been there with Neville and Ginny right from the beginning.

Anyway, I digress. I loved how Colin sprung it on Dennis that they were leaving and didn't tell him that they wouldn't be together until the end, because Dennis would have argued and tried to convince him otherwise if he head.

No one understands that.” Not even Colin. I loved this line, because it sets up an experience that for once Dennis and Colin can't share.

and he was nothing more than an empty shell of the person he had once been. I think this would sound more effective if it were "and he was nothing more than an empty shell of a person".

Otherwise this was a lovely beginning.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thank you so much for leaving a review! I'm happy you liked the chapter--I think this one is probably my favorite. I'm also glad you thought the dynamics of Colin and Dennis's relationship were well-done. I didn't want to write Colin as the boy he was in book two, because he's only eleven then and of course he's going to change. Your review was so wonderful to read, I didn't know more people were actually reading this story. I really appreciate all your comments, both compliments and crit :). xx Ariana

 
Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 05/27/11 Title: Chapter 2: The Fight

I really liked the way you showed the relationships between the three boys and the roles they play - Justin seems to have taken on the role of the leader, as Colin looks to him to see what they'll do. Colin is loyal to both of them and possibly has the most courage and Henry almost seems like an over-enthusiastic child who has to be kept in check. Well that's my interpretation of them anyway. Colin seems to be the glue between the others in a way. It's interesting, too, that you've picked three boys, because even though they've known each other for less time, they have become like brothers.

“But…” He was drowning in his own argument, unable to keep his mind from recognising the truth in Justin’s words. I could’ve stayed with Dennis, he thought bitterly. It would’ve been the same thing. And now that he let himself think about it, he realised that there was no way the three of them could have survived for so long if they had truly been engaged in the war. This was just heartbreaking, because Colin so obvoiusly has always wanted to be involved and play his part. It's interesting because he probably felt so mature and adult when he first went off without Dennis - with a sense that he could actually change things - and this shows him feeling like a child. It's a nice comparison.

A little nitpick - Justin’s coat was now completely drenched, though Colin knew that didn’t matter him now. It should say "matter to him now". Also, you've used now in the next sentence (Henry's eyes were closed now). The repetition is a bit jarring and I think the second sentence would be more effective without the now anyway.

I loved the last line, it gave a lovely sense of Colin realising that some things are worth fighting for, and tied this chapter in very well with the previous one.

I'm looking forward to the last chapter!

~Katrina

Author's Response: Yay, thanks for leaving another review! Writing the three boys is my favorite. You're right in your assessments of them. I think Justin was more the leader maturity-wise, but Colin led them both with his courage and determination. Henry is Henry :) . I loved writing him, he's a true Gryffindor at heart, maybe more of a daredevil then a fighter, but a good man all the same. Thank you so much for pointing out the typos/lack of flow with sentences, I just got done from fixing them. xx Ariana

 
Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 05/27/11 Title: Chapter 3: Epilogue: The End, and a New Beginning

This chapter nearly had me in tears again.

He never knew living could hurt this much. I really loved this line. It summed up exactly how Dennis was feeling, and I like the fact that you didn't say "maybe life wasn't worth living" or something like that, because that's done so often and I think what you wrote is probably more realistic.

There are some wonderful details in this story. Colin had always wanted a scar like Harry’s, a mark that he had done something to make the world a better place. I was so glad you included that - it just adds so much to Colin's character and, as I said in my first review, I do see a connection between Colin and Harry. I think Colin would have died to save the wizarding world with as little hesitation as Harry.

It felt as though a part of him was being buried too, as though he could never quite be whole without Colin. I loved this line, too. It's a little cliched, but it worked really well in your story because you had already established how much of Dennis' identity was formed by being Colin's brother in the first chapter.

“Everyone needed a reason to fight, Dennis. And you were Colin’s.” What a beautiful way to finish the story. It connects so wonderfully with the title and the end of the previous chapter.

Sometimes Henry's dialogue didn't quite flow to me or seem quite realistic... particularly the line The three of us tried to do our part for the war together, and we did well most of the time. I can't quite put my finger on what doesn't seem right, sorry, but it just didn't seem quite realistic.

Also, why would Dennis never see Will again? Presumably they would both be at Hogwarts together. The only reason I can think of is that Will's parents would want to keep him away from magic after the pain it caused him, but if that's the case, I think it would be better if you explained that.

Anyway, this is a fantastic story and you've really managed to get an emotional response from the reader and you've portrayed the characters so well.

~Katrina

Author's Response: It means so much that you've reviewed all chapters of this story. I'm so happy you liked the details of this. I was worried that the epilogue wasn't good enough to submit as part of this story, because I wrote it some time after I had already finished the other two. I'll have a look at Henry's dialogue, it might be a bit too formal for him. Regarding Dennis and Will…he might *see* him again, literally, but he realizes that they're going to lose the brotherhood bond they shared. Will isn't going to be a second-year, since he didn't even do one year of schooling, so he'll be six years behind Dennis. They won't be in the same House, because sadly Will is more of a Claw (well, not sadly, Ravenclaw is a wonderful House). He'll make new friends, because in the end what they shared was their being hidden when they both wished so desperately otherwise. The don't have a 'friendship', per se, more of a brotherhood, so in a way Dennis has lost two brothers. Sorry for that long, complicated, and probably incomprehensible response :). As always, thank you so so much for your lovely review! xx Ariana

 

Strictly Business by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary:

Hannah Abbott was up to her eyeballs in a business she scarcely knew how to run. Out of money and sleep deprived, all she could do was grind out day after day, but she couldn't last forever that way.

And then Neville walked into her pub and into her life. Things might've started looking up, after all.



Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3952 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/21/11 Updated: 04/21/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/21/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hi Jess,

I really can't believe how quickly you write new stories... I just checked, this is your fourth story on the most recent page... 4 stories in 7 days... you're insane lol.

This was a lovely story. I loved Hannah, particularly the way you wrote her exhaustion at the beginning and compared her to how she used to be (as in with her nails and that sort of thing). I had a really clear picture of her.

Neville was great, too. I liked how their relationship was lovely and innocent for most of the fic - Hannah's excitement to show Neville what she'd done around the place and Neville's excitement to see her, and the way he absent-mindedly touched her cheek or her hair... it just had this lovely youthful innocence to it, which just really suited these characters. Plus it was juxtaposed nicely with Hannah looking at her reflection and seeing an old woman.

I loved the idea that Hannah would set up business in Hogsmeade, and that's how she would get around the problem of Neville being in Scotland for most of the year, and her in London.

Lovely story, once again, Jess.

~Katrina

P.S. Happy Birthday Lori!

Author's Response:

Hehe, I think I had five on the Most Recent last week. :D

I like me a bit of awkward advances. I think Neville was subconsciously doing that when he was unintentionally feeling her up -- thinking about doing it and not realising that his hands sort of went there on their own, lol.

And in my brain universe, since Hannah left before the end of her sixth-year, she doesn't know how to Apparate properly yet. She will learn later, but at this point, she hadn't had the time yet. It would've required that she Floo to Hogsmeade to see Neville, but if she was there all the time, he could sneak out at the weekend and see her. 

Glad you liked it, and I shall make sure Lori gets your message. :)

~Jess

 

Better than Chocolate by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: It is the Easter holiday at Hogwarts and Charlie Weasley has decided to stay at school instead of going home. He told his mother that he needed to study, but Charlie has something, or rather someone, on his mind.

Maybe this year a certain Metamorphmagus will become more than a friend?

Thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this story.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. She is far richer, far taller and is far more talented.

Happy Easter, MNFF'ers.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1093 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/21/11 Updated: 04/21/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/21/11 Title: Chapter 1: Better than Chocolate

Hi Carole,

This was a lovely fic. I was a little surprised initially, because I know Remus and Tonks are your favourite characters and you write excellent Remus/Tonks stories.

Having said that, I really enjoyed this story, and it doesn't necessarily negate Remus/Tonks, because at this stage she hadn't met him yet.

I loved the title and the ending, because somehow that idea made this more original and less cliched. It made me smile, too.

I loved the flashback scenes, they really showed the friendship that these two have and how comfortable they are with each other. I thought it was a nice touch that she didn't call him Charlie once, and yet he called her Nymphadora, although in the narrative he always refers to her as Tonks.

One thing though - do you think their housemates would really scorn them for having friends in other houses? I mean, I think Gryffindors would if you were friends with a Slytherin, but because it's a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff... I mean, their housemates would be surprised, but scorn just didn't seem right to me.

Anyway. Excellent writing - of course. I don't think I've read anything bad written by you. Or anything that wasn't very good.

And I'm rambling here now too...

Happy Easter!

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thank you. I do write a bit of Charlie/Tonks in my chaptered fic Apparently Asleep because I see him as the forerunner to Remus. They were the same school year so I like to imagine that they're friends. You could be righr about the word 'scorn', it is a bit harsh although I tempered it with 'faint'. I will think about something else, but I do think there's a lot of condescension towards the Hufflepuffs, ao Charlie forming such a strong friendship with one would have been noted with surprise. After the Battle of Hogwarts, of course, things would have been very different. Ernie was such a hero - :-). Thank you very much for the review, Katrina.

 

For Them by hogwartsbookworm
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary: Coming home late from an Auror assignment, Ron faces a conversation he didn't expect... at least, not for a few more years.

Just a fun little one-shot, dedicated to Lori (WeasleyMom), the Queen of all things Romione.

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1673 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/22/11 Updated: 04/23/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/26/11 Title: Chapter 1: Romione

I really enjoyed this. Your characterisation of Ron was excellent, I just had a sense of him right from the beginning. but the last of the original Death Eaters to have eluded capture was turning out to be, well… Elusive. I can just imagine Ron saying that. (Although I don't think elusive needs a capital.)

I loved how you built up a bit of suspense when Hermione wasn't in bed - the line All it met with was air. had me suddenly worried about Hermione, and wondering if it would tie in with Rodolphus Lestrange somehow... so great job on the suspense.

I think Hermione's nightmare was very realistic, and you wrote it so well. I had such a sense of Hermione's character in her dialogue - in pain from the memories, worried about her children and about Ron. I liked the connection between Hermione's helplessness in her dream and Ron's helplessness when it actually happened.

Ron's joke about Percy was so typical of him - trying to lighten the mood, which with Hermione can always be a bit too serious. And I loved the way Hermione broke the news to him.

My favourite part was this: Then he saw, with a shiver of dread, his son’s life without a father. Family is so important for Ron, and this line just really embodies that. In a way, I think it would have been great if you'd elaborated a bit and described his son's life without a father... and yet at the same time, that single line is stark in comparison to the previous paragraph, so I can't really decide. Sorry, that wasn't very helpful.

Anyway, I think you characterised Ron and Hermione very well, and this was a fantastic story.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thank you for this amazing review! It really made my day. =D I think I agree with you about the capitalization of elusive. I'll go back and change it soon. I'm glad you enjoyed this story. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

 

Jordan by armagod679
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Lee Jordan loves radio, loves reporting, and loves interviewing famous and important people.

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1287 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/23/11 Updated: 04/27/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/28/11 Title: Chapter 1: WZRD

Hi,

I think this is a really different and original story, and I enjoyed it. You portrayed Lee so well, you gave him a very believable personality which complied with everything we see of him in the books. I like the distinction you've made between him and other journalists, particularly (Rita) Skeeter, because I think Lee is the kind of journalist who looks for truth, not what will make the best article or interview. I think you're right too that Harry would only give an interview to Lee, and not til many years after the Battle, for that very reason. Because Harry knows that he won't have a repeat of Rita I'll-publish-whatever-makes-me-sound-good Skeeter. Anyway. Getting a bit off topic here...

I liked the fragments and how they showed the progression of his career and how much the public enjoyed him. I really loved the last few sentences, they just encapsulated the whole story so well.

There were a few times when you're writing didn't seem to flow that well.

The war was still painful to him, even after all this time. Out of all the people who had been at Hogwarts that night, Lee had probably lost the least. The only loss he had suffered was the loss of Fred Weasley. Fred had been one of his best friends, but not family. Lee had known some of the others, but he hadn’t been as deeply affected as some. But it still hurt. It still burned in his memory. I really liked the idea in this paragraph, and the last two sentences were great, but it just seemed a little wordy and... I'm not quite sure how to explain this, but it just didn't sound as good as it could have, in my opinion.

Also, you've missed closing the quotation marks at the end of the second part. And would Kingsley know Lee by name at the beginning, if Lee had only been at WZRD for two weeks? Just a thought.

Anyway, I hope you haven't found this review negative, because I really did enjoy story. It was different and refreshing.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. The part about the war was awkward for me, but I couldn't think of how else to say it. And I think that Lee's thoughts on the war would be a little disorganized. Of course Kingsley knew Lee. They were on Potterwatch together. I appreciate all criticism, good or bad. Thank you for reading. Julie

 
Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/28/11 Title: Chapter 1: WZRD

Woops, I forgot Kingsley did Potterwatch too... and I suppose you're right that Lee wasn't clear about his experiences in the war. Anyway. It was a great fic :).

~Katrina

 

Timing by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: For Remus Lupin, Easter has always been his favourite time of year. It has nothing to do with chocolate, he tells his friends, and everything to do with timing...

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling or the Easter Bunny, but here's a little Easter gift for everyone at MNFF.

Thank you Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this story and for being all round a ... a ... amazing.



Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1177 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/24/11 Updated: 04/24/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/26/11 Title: Chapter 1: Timing

This was lovely, Carole. I'd never thought about the significance of Easter for Remus - that was really clever.

I loved the scene at the beginning, and how well you showed all the Marauders and Lily. In that space you really showed their characters and how they interact.

I wonder if you're a bit harsh on James and Sirius here - James and Sirius had very fleeting interest in things that didn’t concern them. I think you're probably right that they wouldn't remember his 'puzzle' or try to work it out, but saying that they didn't care about things that didn't concern them just sounds a bit too selfish. I think it's more that they tend to look to the immediate future, and they couldn't find an immediate solution to the puzzle, so they forgot about it. Anyway, I'm getting off track here, that's just a small thing.

I loved the scene with Tonks. The dialogue you gave her was just so realistic for her giving birth... it made me smile, but it was also very realistic. I loved how you included Remus' fears about his son being a werewolf, and that Tonks figured out why Easter was important to her husband. It shows their closeness and how well they know each other.

Lovely story.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I probably was a little harsh on James and Sirius but it was more that they were teenage boys and both rather big-headed at the time and I get the feeling that if something doesn't come easily to them, the they tend to dismiss it. They obviously matured, but here they're both only 14 (and 14 year old boys can be annoying). Glad you thought the childbirth scene realistic., I've had three kids, so I would hope I could write that -LOL. Thanks again for the review - Carole~

 

Summary: Narcissa Malfoy lives in a dazzling world, full of glittering social events and fawning admirers. But there is always something more, a hint of darkness to her otherwise bright life. A deep, ominous... but beautiful darkness. A darkness that no-one has ever cared about.

Except Rodolphus.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 2219 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/24/11 Updated: 04/29/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/29/11 Title: Chapter 1: Beautiful Darkness

This was something wonderful and beautiful. And so original, too. Right from the beginning, you captured Narcissa so well. I loved the routine of brushing her hair, the idea of her finding a grey hair. It showed to the reader what she shows to the rest of the world, and then you delved more inside her.

I loved that the flashback was in present tense - it gave that whole scen an immediacy and urgency which really fitted. Your Rodolphus was a breath of fresh air - so often he seems to be immasculated by Bella, just a toy she plays with, so to show this side of him was fascinating.

I just have a few little nitpicks - you wrote whatever that was supposed entailed. It either has to be "whatever that was supposed to entail" or "whatever that supposedly entailed".

Also, personally I think the ending would have been more effective if you'd swapped the "I don't love you." with the last paragraph. I think "I don't love you" would have been a great ending for the story, and to me it has more punch than what you have.

Anyway, they're just small things. I really loved your attention to detail in terms of appearances and Narcissa's actions as well as your characterisations.

~Katrina

 

Him, Alice and Me by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: They were returning to a life full of hope and dreams, but they never got there.

Originally written for the TTB Brawl:Round 3. Inspired by the quote ""When we get home, Frank, then there'll be kisses, kisses with dreams in them. Kisses that come from life, not death." - The Postman Always Rings Twice

Nominated for a QSQ in the Best General Category.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Mental Disorders

Word count: 1056 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/26/11 Updated: 04/26/11


Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione Signed
Date: 04/26/11 Title: Chapter 1: Kisses from Life

This is just beautiful... beautiful and tragic. The contrast between the two sections is so well done. It was almost painful reading the first part, because I knew what was going to happen to Alice.

Maybe, this kiss marks the beginning of our release. Maybe, there is nothing more to fear now. Maybe, this kiss is the affirmation of a future that is filled with normalcy and free from the insanity of the past few years. I loved this bit. Your word choice ("normalcy", "future", "insanity") was great... it was heart-breaking. Although the commas after maybe interrupted the flow for me a bit.

And the second part. Wow. I'm always impressed by people who can write from the perspective of a mad person, because even though it may seem illogical and random, there's usually some link or part of logic through it. (If that makes sense.) And you just nailed it. I can't say anything more than that it was haunting and beautiful and tragic and just so well-written... I think this is one of my favourites of your stories, which are all fantastic, so that's saying something.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Katrina!

Hmmm...I may have to reread the part which you quoted. I didn't read it out while writing and I guess I must have missed something. I chose the word deliberately, and I am glad you noticed them. I'm also thrilled you liked the second part; I worried people might not warm to it. Thank you for such a lovely review! It makes my day when I receive a review from you. :)

~Natalie

 
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