Hi! I'm Katrina and I am not J.K. Rowling (just to avoid any confusion there).
I've been writing on MNFF since about 2010, but up until a few months ago had not written anything for quite some time. So I am trying to get back into writing, and have quite a few stories percolating in my head, but I just need to find the time to write them.
I basically only write one-shots (I have one three chaptered story), and they're usually character explorations and snapshots rather than long plots, but I've written about a variety of characters, so hopefully there's something you'll enjoy. I like experimenting a bit with form too.
Anyway if you have stumbled here by accident, I do hope you enjoy something.
Summary: Molly had always wanted to be a Healer. So why did she run away when she had the chance?Many, many thanks to the opaleye and Equinox Chick for their help and inputs! I love Molly Weasley and side-eye people who see her only as a baby-producing machine. If you're one of those people, this might not be the fic for you. DISCLAIMER: No, JKRowling is definitely not me.
This was beautiful, Natalie, as usual. I loved your characterisation of Molly, she was just so realistic. This reminded me of the scene in OotP when she was trying to get rid of the boggart and kept seeing her family members dead. I guess in canon it's easy to forget how much Molly has already suffered in losing her brothers and her parents.
I loved your exploration of healing - as in healing not only saved human lives but required you to be inhuman yourselves. I think that's a really interesting idea, it definitely had me thinking, as it does seem to be a common thing for people to say 'I want to help people, I'll be a doctor'. I loved how you show that you have to distance yourself to actually save people.
I really liked the ending, particularly "they ran away, even if they didn't have to". I think that's very fitting. I do wonder though if you need the last sentence ("finally, she was content.") - to me the story would end better without that line, I think that's sort of obvious to a reader.
Anyway, loved the fic :)
Author's Response: Healing and being inhuman. My dad's a doctor, so I should know. :D I've seen him checking up on people and he's just so disconnected. It always made me wonder. I do think it is true, that you need to detach yourself from feeling scared or sorry or worried and just get your emotions out of the way. I just don't think someone like Molly, especially when she's in the state where I have put her in this fic, would be capable of doing that.
The harsh realities of life separated them, but the even harsher realities of death brought them back together. But could an apology bring back the loss of innocence?
A companion piece to Hollow Soldiers.
This story has been nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Dark/Angst Story.
Firstly, congrats on your 50th fic!! That's pretty impressive for something like two years of writing.
Anyway, great fic. This was really well written and very realistic. I thought your characterisations of everyone were great, particularly Padma and Michael. I guess this story has things in it that we'd rather no think about, but happen anyway.
Your writing really impressed me, you have such an ability to show human emotions, particularly pain, and yet somehow show hope as well. Lisa's death worked really well as a backdrop, and it made me curious too about why she was in a coma.
The scene outside her hospital room, with Anthony, Michael, Padma and Terry at the end was perfectly tense and it really showed how friendships can be torn apart (after all, in canon, Michael, Terry and Anthony seem fairly close). I especially loved that part.
Although I have to admit, I thought the idea of Ron being at Lisa's deathbed was a little unlikely... surely there were a lot of people who knew Lisa better than him?
Anyway, loved the story. Oh yeah, one more thing, I loved references to the Battle, like "his battle-scarred face austere". I imagine for these people that the Battle remains a constant backdrop to their lives, and I think that worked really well.
What I wanted from this story was to tell a tale of people who might not have had the picture perfect Epilogue that the series' main characters did. I know Harry and friends had their fair share of trials, and I've written about them quite a bit, but our Ravenclaw friends go ignored so often. Also, not everyone has the strong moral compass that the usual protagonists have. For instance, Michael was overwrought by job stress and just being damaged by what he'd seen in the Battle and even a few of the things he'd done. How all that happened will end up being another story altogether, but the short of it was that Lisa was cursed in the Battle. She hadn't wanted to stay behind for the fight, but her friends who had been in the DA told her that it was the right thing to do. In the end, she was the one who had died for it. That's why they were all so screwed up.
And about Ron... I need to fix that part. Originally, I had more DA members there, but the paragraph got long and rambly, so I cut it. He is there with Hermione, who would've felt obligated to come, and Ron would've come with her. However, Padma would've noticed Ron's presence before Hermione's due to the date disaster. I need to add a couple more sentences explaining that, so thanks for pointing that out.
So, I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thank you as always for reviewing. :D
Summary: Three brides rise with the sun on their special day, all with different perspectives and feelings about their big day
Hi Jess (again lol),
So I don't usually read poetry... but this looked interesting, and since everything else of yours that I've read has been good, I thought I'd give it a go.
The first one... someone materialistic, who sees getting married as a pretty white dress and a comfortable future. Narcissa? I wondered about Bella too, although I can't actually imagine what she'd be like on her wedding day... it's bizarre thinking about someone to whom love means so little getting married...hence glorifying love. Anyway. I don't really think it's her, I think it's Narcissa.
The second one - I'm thinking perhaps Molly? You have a focus on family here, and I can completely imagine her in a homemade gown. It's a nice contrast to Narcissa. But if it's Molly, I wonder, what are the "obstacles that never cease"? Is it perhaps to do with the first war?
The third one seems to be someone who's been through a lot of hardship and battle... first people that come to mind are Lily or Ginny, I suppose Hermione, but someone it didn't really seem like her. But I can't decide between Lily and Ginny.
Anyway, I think you've done a great job at showing what marriage means to different people, and how their views can vary, but they are all linked by the fact that they will become a bride. I think using that line at the end of each stanza really showed that link.
So to me, even though you say you had a specific person in mind for each stanza, I think they're all representative of different perspectives in general to marriage. If that makes any sense...
As I've said, I'm not a great expert on poetry... but your rhyming and rhythm flowed really well when I read this.
I have to say, your instincts are good. I did, indeed, have Narcissa, Molly, and Ginny in mind. To me, they're all pretty much completely different. As you mentioned, Narcissa thinks of shallow things and of how her marriage would improve her lifestyle. Molly was a product of the First War political climate and was rather poor, much like she and Arthur were. Her 'obstacles' were worrying about Arthur getting involved with the war effort, as well as trying to put together a nice wedding on a shoestring budget and possibly, just maybe, having a bun in the oven. :D And then there's Ginny, who was, to be blunt, tired as hell from everything. It was her chance at a normal life for the first time since she was ten. There were no more Chamber of Secrets or diaries or Umbridges or dead professors or Death Eaters. It was relief, crammed into 64 syllables, lol.
Gahhhh, the rhyme scheme! *headdesk* It fought me like a bear with an attitude problem! The format is a ballade, which is very rigidly structured. Plus, there are very few words that rhyme with 'peace', which I never would've guessed had I not run out of ideas not derived from RhymeZone halfway in, lol. I guess you live, you learn, and you move on, hehe.
Anyway, welcome to the experience of being in my head. Strange things going on in here. :D
Summary: One special bride-to-be is a bit worried on the day of her wedding. Wars can be scarring, on the inside and out.
Generally I think this was a good story. Your characterisation of Hermione was good - I think she would be ashamed of her scars and it would be hard for her to move past them. I wonder if perhaps you could have included a bit of how mentally she was coping? As in, something like mentioning how it's painful to remember or something like that. Anyway, that's not important. You pick up on a good point that we often forget what the rest of the characters went through while the trio were off Horcrux hunting. Personally I suspect that Ginny would have a fair few scars too from her 6th year at Hogwarts.
I liked the interaction between Hermione and Luna. I think in canon they're sort of opposites, in the way that Hermione requires everything to be logical and to be proved and Luna will accept anything, so I thought it was nice to tie them in together. I really liked your perspective, that people being tortured was a distraction from killing other people. I think that's very fitting, especially for these characters, as they both sacrificed so much for others.
To me this line Hermione, in her self-centered greif, didn't remember that she was not the only one ever to suffer. didn't quite fir the tone of this piece, as mostly you were writing from inside Hermione's head, and this is very definitely a comment from an omniscient narrator. I also think it's self-evident from your previous sentences. (Also, it's grief not greif.)
Another nitpick - when writing dialogue, if you start a new paragraph you should put a quotation mark at the start of it, even if it's a continuation from the previous paragraph.
I wondered about how Luna laughs at Hermione's outburst - I can't really see that. I think it would be more in character if she were to smile serenely in her sort of way... but laughing didn't seem right.
The door clicked, and Hermione turned away from Ginny’s mirror. She didn’t need to see her face. I really liked this sentence, it worked really well as an idea for the story.
The scene at the end with Ron was well-written too, especially the last line, although I wonder if putting this in Ron/Hermione category is really the right place? After all, to me it's not really a romance between them... yes I know it's set on their wedding day, but the focus is more about moving on after the war. Perhaps Post-Hogwarts would be a better category.
Anyway... sorry I have gone on rather a lot in this review, I think this is a great story, particularly for your first fic :).
Author's Response: Don't be sorry, I really appreciate the constructive critizism. Thanks especially for the spelling help. (I need way more help than a pointer). I wrote almost the whole thing in Word, and only added grief as a second thought when submitting. The line about Hermione from an omniscient narrator, I actually was trying to write it in third Person, and it's not supposed to be 'in her head', it's more supposed to be from an omniscent narrator. Apparently that didn't work out so well.... I do think, however, that the story does belong in Ron/Hermione, because the whole time she's worrying about what Ron will think when he sees her scars, she's afraid he'll dump her. About Ginny having scars, I do think she would have scars, but Hogwarts had Madam Pomfrey, and I think Madam Pomfrey would have fixed her up. About Luna's laughing tendency, I think that she could have smiled, or she could have laughed. She almost died laughing about Goyle looking like a 'baboon's backside'. However, I know that Hermione and Luna's relationship is touchy at best, and I had Luna laugh because I wanted the readers to remember that they are very different. In other words, I knew it wouldn't be Hermione upset without some screaming. I didn't even notice I made a dialouge mistake, (oops!) because dialouge is not my thing. I can't write dialouge that well, because I don't know the other characters beside my main one that well. Sorry if I make any more dialouge mistakes, because apparently it wasn't so atrocoius that the mod wouldn't submit it. Thanks for all your nitpicks though, I'm kinda new to writing fanfiction. Thanks for what you thought of it, and don't worry, I have way too many stories coming soon....
Summary: A poem of a bride's thoughts on her wedding day- I'll let you guess who it is!
It seems to be the time to write poetry about brides... I read another one just a few days ago... anyway, loved this poem. I'm 99% sure the character's Hermione - near the beginning, I could tell it was someone who'd survived the Battle, and then your reference to "flaming hair" on the train when they first met and the tent made it clear.
The imagery of winter for the war and spring being a time of healing and something new growing was well done. Also your references to a white rose worked well, as it is a wedding and white is the traditional colour and symbolises purity.
I think this poem really shows that life can go on after something like hte war they've survived. Beautifully written.
I wonder though if you need to put in the quote at the end of the author's note? It didn't particularly add to the story of the poem to me, as you'd focussed on Hermione's perspective, plus it made it pretty obvious who the character was... anyway, that's just my opinion.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for your lovely, thought-filled review! I believe I read the same one about brides that you did, and it was part of the inspiration. Thank you so much for your thoughts and compliments, it really means so much to a writer with low self-esteem. I don't really know why I put the quote there- I guess you'd have to be really thick or Potter-ignorant not to realize it was Hermione. I just love all of J.K. Rowling's words, and they give me such inspiration. Thank you again for reading my poem, it really helps a LOT. I'm glad you enjoyed it!!!
Summary: It’s April Fools’ Day. Lily Evans wants nothing more than to escape, but she's caught off guard by someone she'd prefer to forget.
This is PoeticallyIrritating of Ravenclaw writing for the 2011 Aprils Fools' Day Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt 3(A).
I think this is an interesting idea for a story. I'm rather inclined to agree with you that Lily had feelings for Severus, (as in more than friendship), but her own beliefs became too important for her. Your descriptions of emotion and character were very good, I thought you really portrayed Lily, Sev and the Marauders well. It was nice to see a fic focussing on Lily and not James for once, although I noticed the hints of their future relationship.
As Carole pointed out in her review below, I think you have a timing issue here - JKR never explicitly states that Sev hadn't called Lily a Mudblood before the incident at the lake after the DADA OWL, but given Lily's reaction and the way she ends her friendship with Snape after that event, I don't think it likely. Perhaps you could set this in their sixth year, so they'd both be 17, and it would be nearly a year since they'd stopped being friends, but Lily still had lingering feelings?
The last line of this fic is just brilliant. It was just so poignant and well-written - not overdone, just a simple finishing line. Perfect way for this to end.
Some of Sev's dialogue didn't sound natural to me... like the line "Sorry. I know it's creepy." It just sounds a little too... obviously nervous or something for him. Personally I don't think he ever really let his guard down, even with Lily. I think it would have worked better just to leave it at "I followed you." I suppose that's just my opinion though.
Anyway, I hope you don't find this review too negative or anything... that's totally not the point, I really did enjoy your insight into Lily's mind. (I loved the idea about the prank - or lack thereof - too. Very clever.)
Author's Response: Ahaha, yes. I did debate that line, and honestly I don't have a very good reason as to why I kept it in, except for the fact that "I followed you" did in fact sound massively creepy. Thank you so much for the review!
This was the year. This was the year that Puddlemere United and Keeper Roxanne Weasley were going all the way.
One problem: her brother Fred might have something to say about that... while playing for the opposition.
Another great fic! You showed Roxanne and Fred's relationship so well - the rivalry and yet the underlying admiration and love was very realistic. I loved the idea that Roxanne thanked Fred in her speech and later refuted that she meant it... it really fit her characterisation here.
Your detail in describing the Quidditch match was also great, I really felt like I was inside Roxanne's head watching everything that happened. It had just the right amount of detail and action so it was exciting rather than boring.
I also liked the idea of starting off with Ginny's news article and then focussing on the trophy, rather than just writing about the actual match - it really added to the characters, and the newspaper article added to the sense of excitement. You wrote it really well. If it wasn't about a fictitious sport, I would have believed that it was real.
So, once again you've produced another impressive story... I really don't know how you turn them out so quickly and with such quality!
I decided, when writing this story, that I would focus on things know about. I know all about sibling rivalry (we were rather wicked), sports, and that surreal feeling surrounding a championship. It's exciting, but at the same time, it's almost like it's happening to someone else and you're watching it on TV. There wasn't too much description of the match because, well, in writing the actual gameplay, I was struggling to keep my own attention. It's so difficult to write Quidditch, which is why all my other fics with Quidditch in it usually work around the actual games.
I thought that the article was a good way to get the reader into what was going on without spoiling future events. It was supposed to be like an, "Ooh, how does this come out?" moment. And the scene in the shop was supposed to both introduce the competitive nature of both Roxy and Fred, plus introduce the object of their desire. I think they sort of assumed that they would win the championship, focusing instead on winning the MVP. In this, they're both still young athletes and susceptible to incorrect focus, but they're more entertaining this way. :D
I'm glad you like the story. It was rather difficult to write, but in the end, it was worth it. Thank you as always for your visit!
I thought this was a really sweet fic, particularly as we as the reader know what happens to them. I loved the idea of mixing traditions with a modern world... as in they sort of followed the traditions, but already after they were married and she pregnant.
There's something bittersweet about it. Sweet, because it's nice to know that they had some opportunity to enjoy each other, particularly Remus as he'd lived such a hard life, but bitter because such good people deserve so much more...
Your characterisations were great, particularly of Andromeda. I really liked how she fitted in. I loved Remus' (hence your) creativity in following the steps too, it really fit his character.
So all in all, loved this fic :)
Author's Response: Thank you, Katrina. I also hate the fact that Remus and Tonks had so little time as a couple so I try and write some good times for them. Thank you for your compliments on the characterisation because these are characters I love writing and am very fond of, so it's good to know that someone shares my view. ~Carole~
Megan Jones had managed to successfully dodge all the normal pitfalls of adulthood: marriage, children, and the need to impress anyone. She didn't understand why everyone insisted that she was miserable, when she was, in fact, enjoying her current lifestyle.
Who would've thought one night could change everything?
Jess, your ability to take rare characters in canon and write them so beautifully continues to astound me. After all, we know nothing about Megan except that she was in Harry's year and Hufflepuff, and really not that much about Charlie either... except what he does, but we see little of him as a person.
I really liked the beginning, when Megan felt annoyed about how other people pitied her for a life that she actually quite liked... I think it the fact that it bothers her shows that there is an underlying part of her that agrees with them. But that could just be me.
As a few other people have said in reviews, I'm really intrigued by this and very keen for you to explore this relationship/these characters more. I wonder why Charlie doesn't want to go home, and why he's become like this... Plus I'm curious. Does Megan go to Romania? I hope so.
I like rare characters for the very reason that they have little or no prior history. It's like creating an OC, but using a canon name so people will actually read the story. Yes, I am that pathetic, hehe. Plus, every character has a story, and it feels like the duty of fan fiction writers to make them into something more than a name and a paragraph on the HP Wiki. Not everyone is the ideal protagonist, and I think Megan is one of those.
Does Megan go to Romania? Well, of course she does, lol. Why she goes, she doesn't even know, but really, there was no reason not to for her. No one was going to miss her if she left. And Charlie presented a unique challenge for her.
Anyway, thank you for reading yet again. It makes me feel like I have a fan club, hehe. :D
Summary: In the midst of battle, and after that kiss, Ron knew he loved Hermione. He'd never said the words, but she knew.
This story was inspired by a song called Forces of Nature by the Backstreet Boys. This pairing and that group are the favourites of Amanda (ahattab) who is celebrating her birthday today.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling and have never even seen a backstreet boy.
Thank you, Natalie, (hestiajones) for the quick beta job.
Sorry about that last review... I'd written something rather long and for some reason it just disappeared... I'll try to remember what I was saying...
So my favourite line was He should be thinking about death, about Colin Creevy and the countless others that had died that night, but looking at Hermione as she bit her trembling lower lip, all Ron could think about was life and love. I think this tied in really well with Hermione's comment that they needed to live, not just exist. There was a beautiful sense of healing and life continuing despite loss in the story, which you managed to show really well because there is an emphasis both on grieving for the dead and moving on... I'm not sure if I'm making sense now...
The connection you drew between Colin and Hermione and the way his father reacted, never really understanding why Colin had died and what/who he'd been fighting was really insightful and creative.
There was something a little sad about Hermione using those particular spells... like while they were moving on, what they'd been through would remain with them forever.
So sorry that this didn't all appear in the first review... I'm hoping it works this time.
Author's Response: Thank you for coming back :-). I always think the Muggle borns have a special connection because Hogwarts is so alien to them, but finally it's a place where they find acceptance. Then, of course, in year seven, it's a place of danger. So the idea of Hermione mourning Colin came from that really. ~Carole~
What a lovely Ron/Hermione fic. Your characterisation is just... perfect, particularly of Ron.
This was my favourite line
Author's Response: Hopefully your favourite line wasn't 'The End' - LOL. Thanks for the review Katrina, much appreciated. ~Carole~
From Hear to Here: The Battle through Different Eyes by Zack
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]
Summary: Michael Owens never wanted to participate in the Battle of Hogwarts on that night in early May. He had just fallen asleep in his four poster bed in his Ravenclaw dormitory, trying to forget about the harsh realities of life under Snape, when he is awoken and made to meet in the Great Hall.
When battle ensues, Michael must make a fateful choice when his best friend sneaks back after evacuation--does he return to save his friend, or save himself?
I think this is an interesting start for a story. I like the idea of showing the Battle from the perspective of a younger student, who isn't at all connected to the DA and isn't necessarily aware of what is going on in the wider wizarding community.
Somehow I didn't feel that you quite captured the terror of the Carrows - you often mentioned words such as "terrified", but you don't show much how they affected the students. Perhaps you could have focussed more on Bailey's cut and how it affects her emotionally/mentally.
I think you conveyed the mixture of anticipation and fear that Michael felt at the end, when he was told to get up. That part was written well.
Also, another small thing - it seemed a little odd that Michael only referred to Bailey by name (of the students), and others were described as "the curly haired boy" or something like that - I imagine that after 3 years in the Ravenclaw dormitory, he would know the names of some others, and just that would add something I think.
Anyway, I hope you don't think I've been too negative in this review, that's not what I intended, because I think you have a great idea here which could just be a bit better.
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the great review! I will definately fix those little errors, and try to improve the emotions of the next chapter. Again, thanks so much! ~Zack
Summary: Though the trials of war are behind them, life will always include difficulties that must be faced.I am thrilled beyond reason to announce that this fic won the 2011 Quicksilver Quill in the category Best Canon Romance, one-shot. Thank you so much! :)
This is a very interesting story, Lori. Firstly - I absolutely loved your characterisations. Ron was still Ron, still threw in a humorous comment, yet he was so caring and aware of Hermione's feelings (which showed how he had matured... he wasn't exactly the most sensitive boy in canon). I really liked the ending, it showed that their life continues and they'll just keep trying and moving through life together.
I think this is an interesting topic... I've always wondered, too, why Ron and Hermione didn't have a child earlier... to me it seemed like they'd be ready for a family earlier than Harry and Ginny. I've written a story about this in which Ron and Hermione lose a child, but I think the events in your story are almost more poignant, and more difficult for them, because, as you said, there's always that question of what if they can't.
I really liked the way you described their reactions to Ginny's pregnancy, and how they will struggle to be happy for their friends but they will be nonetheless because their friendship is important.
So all in all, I really liked this story, you dealt with the topic really well, your writing and dialogue were great and your characterisation spot on.
Author's Response: Hi Katrina. Thanks so much for leaving me such a thoughtful review. I think it's interesting that so many others seem to have wondered at them not having children earlier, just like did. If you imagine them marrying later on, it's not so strange, but I personally think they would have married pretty quickly... so yeah, you wonder. Thank you so much for what you said about the characterization. I care a great deal about that and it is rewarding when any reviewer thinks it rings true to canon.
When the magical world meets the Muggle world, who do the Auror Office call on?
Nominated for: Best Post-Hogwarts (One-Shot) story – Quicksilver Quills 2011
This was a really interesting concept for a story - I don't think I've ever thought about how wizards would take over an investigation from Muggles.
Characterisations were, as usual, brilliant. As I've said in reviews for other stories, I really love what you've done with Lavender, and this story is no exception. I felt so bad for her in that segment at the end... it makes me think, too. Do people really judge others so much by appearance? I think they do. Still something interesting to think about.
I liked the conversation between Bobbie and Lavender about the latter being a werewolf, and Bobbie's attitude to that, that was a really nice idea.
I liked the contrast of Lavender and Susan - a great due to pick for a team. I think it was particularly interesting because I've read a number of your stories, in some of which these two appear and seem to have an interesting relationship.
Even though he didn't actually appear, Harry was so in character in this - I really can see him wanting to make sure no deaths go 'under the radar'.
So all in all, another interesting piece. Loved it.
Author's Response: ~Katrina
Thanks for the review.
I suspect that, before the war, the Ministry would have simply retrieved the body and Obliviated everyone involved. As you observed, Harry will want more than simply a cover up.
People do still judge others by appearance, and in my opinion far too many people want to be judged that way. Some people pay a lot of money to become “more beautiful”. I think that “my” Lavender not only judges others by their appearance, but also dresses attract, making her a little guilty too.
I’m guilty of having a future history plotted and dipping into it randomly. The stories of how Bobbie joins that Auror Office, when Lavender gets bitten, and Susan’s future remain in my head. The Lavender/Susan relationship is really great to write, I had so much fun writing their bickering that I’m already planning another M.I.T. story. -N-
Summary: At ten years old, Lily and Severus are already best friends. One day Lily goes over to his house to play and hears his dad drunk. She decides to confront him about it.
I thought this was a very well-written snippet of Lily and Severus' friendship. Lily was perfect - both sensitive and caring and always desperate to find a solution. I liked the line where she thought that Severus lied very easily... it's a nice bit of foreshadowing.
Severus was such a broken boy, both innocent and someone who had lived through too much. I really liked the concern he showed for his mother... I have also always imagined that the only two people Severus every loved were his mother and Lily. Having them both in this story really drew that connection.
I loved the ending, but I wonder if perhaps you could cut out the "he agreed" tag at the end of Sev's dialogue, I think it would have more of an impression if you just ended with "Forever."
Anyway, that's a small thing. Good work in this fic :),
Firstly - you write such brilliant summaries. I've thought that about your stories before, but this one was just exceptional. Even from a visual perspective, the first thing I saw was "Death" at the top and "Life" at the bottom, so perfectly juxtaposed.
Anyway, I loved the story, too. Percy's characterisation was just amazing.
He is good at this, he’s been doing it all his life. This time, though, it’s different. This time, he’s not thinking about how these projects will affect his career, if he’s associating with the right people, if he’s on the fastest track for a promotion, how much recognition he’ll get from them. This time, he’s hiding from the ghouls in his attic. That just says so much about Percy and how he's changed, it's a wonderful paragraph.
I like the idea that you picked Ernie to come up to him, because Ernie really is a little like Percy - pompous, a bit self-important etc. So I loved that connection.
The scars on his face seem to fade—they don’t disappear completely and probably never will, but they tell of old stories instead of fresh wounds. That's such a lovely distinction, and even though at this stage Percy's not in the frame of mind to move on, it does show hope for the future.
The interaction between George and Percy was perfectly timed and I could just feel the tension in that room.
A few little nitpicks - The first thing Percy sees when he opens his eyes in a broomstick. Odd, thinks Percy, but he doesn’t really care. He’s only ever first once and has no desire to do so again. Yet another reminder he doesn’t fit in with his family. I didn't understand this - are you missing something in the middle sentence? Or am I just not seeing the obvious...?
"Drink this,” orders a horse voice it should be "hoarse".
(who were practically Weasleys anyway) - I think it would flow better if this was in present tense, too.
Percy starts at him, - Should this be stares? It's not grammatically incorrect as you've written it, but stares would make more sense to me.
Anyway, you really are a fantastic writer and you've captured Percy so well here. Very impressive.
Author's Response: Ahh, thank you! I agonize a lot over my summaries and I know they're a bit different from the status quo, so it's good to know that someone likes them! :) Thank you for those nitpicks. While I was correcting them, I actually caught a few more. >.> Just shows that there's no such thing as too much editing I guess. haha. Thank you for your comments. That line about the scars that you picked out is one of my favourites. :D This is my first time writing Percy, so I was a bit unsure of how it would work out. I can't tell you how happy I am that you thought it was good. Thank you so much for this wonderful review! <3Mere
Summary: Severus Snape is dead, but who is to write the epitaph for his tombstone, and what is there to say?
Well after that end note, I just have to review... and give you some carrots? lol.
I do enjoy your "Epitaph" fics (I'm pretty sure I've reviewed HJP, if I haven't, I've definitely read it). I think it's just such a creative idea, and well done for coming up with something great in the end, because I think I would be stumped.
I'm glad that Harry couldn't bring himself to like Severus, because I don't think he could be IC and do that. I think after learning what Snape did, he learns to respect him (although I never knew quite why he named his son after him...), although it doesn't take away how cruel Snape was to Harry. I know a few other reviewers have had queries about you saying "Hermione actually liked him. She respected him.", but I think that's valid, because from Harry's POV it probably seemed like that.
Sometimes your writing seemed a little... colloquial, I suppose. I know you're writing inside Harry's head, but lines like "Yay for Muggle graves. Yay for..." just didn't sit right with me. They didn't seem really Harry either. I wouldn't write "â€˜cause" either, I'd write "because" - usually you stick to colloquialisms just in dialogue... but it's no big deal.
I loved the actual epitaph, and some of the others made me laugh. I liked the fact that the Malfoys actually cared, but Severus being Draco's godfather? I don't know... I suppose it's possible, but I can't imagine that Severus had that good a reputation with Voldemort when Draco was born - he was only a few years out of school, and Lucius was four years older...
Anyway, I did really like this story, although maybe not as much as HJP.
Author's Response: Yes, the carrots confused me too, however I'll just take it as Fred reincarnated :). I'm really glad you enjoyed this fic, and the Harry one too. I do have to tell you though, I absolutely love you for your comment about Hermione - the arguments are fun but it's always nice to have someone on your side. I completely get your point about Harry's colloquialisms, they don't quite work with the Harry that we see throughout canon. However, I'd like to point out that JK really doesn't explore Harry post-war. I can see him feeling a little more dark - even if only just for a little while. Nobody goes through war without being affected. Ah well, onto Severus. I see your point that Severus may not have had such a good reputation with Voldemort, however, if Severus had joined up as soon as he left school - in the summer of 1978, Draco wasn't born until summer 1980. Severus would have been a Death Eater for two years, long enough to gain a reputation. If you choose not to believe this, then think that perhaps Lucius is as perceptive as he thinks himself to be. Severus is a powerful wizard, and that much would have been obvious to Lucius, so why should he not bind his son, and his family to such a powerful wizard, who would likely then be more inclined to do things for them. Overall, I'm glad you liked it, thanks for the review!
Summary: When Sirius's plans for Hogsmeade backfire, he ends up taking Lily Evans to Madam Puddifoot's instead, only to find James is not at all happy to see them sharing a tart. And when James's date kisses Sirius, Lily storms off as well, leaving him on the floor covered in chocolate. Yet things are even more complicated than they seem…
This is Gmariam of Ravenclaw writing for the 2011 Aprils Fools' Day Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt 3, Marauder Era.
This fic really made me laugh, it was just fantastic. The whole idea for the plot avoided cliches, was clever and very funny. Funniest bit - when Lily wiped the chocolate crumbs of Sirius' face... oh how I would have loved to have seen that...
I really liked the use of first person here - it really helped to build up the suspense. Throughout the fic you wrote lines about how Sirius should have seen it coming or should have known what was going on, which tells the reader that something weird indeed is going on, but we're left guessing just as much as Sirius.
I also liked how you characterised Sirius in this - often in fanfiction people seem to write him as a complete womaniser who has no respect for women, though he is loyal to his friends. I liked how you made him almost sweet in this, and how Lily and Victoria's behaviour bothered him. (I hope this made sense.)
In canon, it says the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang are the other major wizarding schools in Europe, which I never quite understood as I wondered where students from other countries went, if they couldn't speak those languages. I suppose there's other smaller schools around, like the one in Northern Italy in this fic. (Sorry, rambling here.) Anyway, I do wonder about the exchange in this - in canon, there's no mention of exchanges... though it doesn't necessarily mean they don't happen. Also, Victoria seems to have an exceptionally good command of English, and from my experience, even a very good student of another language who has been learning it for a long time would still make mistakes with phrases and mispronounce words. So I guess that would just add more authenticity to her character.
Anyway, I'm getting very off topic here... that's really only a very minor thing. Loved the story, Gina.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Katrina. You're reviews are always so lovely. I just love receiving them. I'm so glad you laughed, because I laughed while I was writing this! So I'm happy the humour I was thinking and feeling came through. There are a few moments I would like to see myself in this. I'm also glad the first person with Sirius worked. I tried to write him once before and just couldn't get it right. Now I think that story was just not his story - this one was. It was fun. As for the exchange student - I see no reason why there can't be other schools besides the two we've seen in canon. Europe is a big place, after all. ;) But I definitely see your point about Victoria's English! And that's where I confess that I believe the original idea was that she was American, only I thought that was a little cliche so I gave her some of my Italian heritage. Only I have no idea how to write an Italian accent. Fail, lol! I do appreciate you pointing it out, though, so next time I write a foreign character I can think about the language/accent more. I'm glad she didn't distract you too much. Thanks again for the amazing review, I really appreciate it! ~Gina :)
I don't think I've ever read such a comprehensive story about Peter's descent into betrayal... using the seasons was a beautiful idea and shows that this was a gradual process - he didn't just decide to become a Death Eater one day without reason.
I really liked how you used small scenes to show this change, rather than having a long inner monologue from Peter, so we as readers really get to see why he feels left out amongst his friends.
I think Peter stories always have that tragic element, because we already know his fate, and you really wrote this well by creating empathy and (dare I say it) almost a liking for Peter, which makes his betrayal all the more sad (because if no-one cared about Peter, there wouldn't be any tragedy).
What comes across to me in this story is the idea about choice (although that could be because it's my personal belief and I see it in a lot of stories...). As in, there is a reason that Peter did what he did, but he could have chosen not to do it. He always believed that he was left out, but that's partially his attitude and if you have that attitude, it will always feel like you're left out. I think this idea is something that JKR explores a lot in canon, as Harry and Voldemort are set up having similar and terrible childhoods, and yet they become so opposite. Anyway, I hope I'm not just rambling here and I make sense...
The last line of this story was just haunting... it made me want to reach out to Peter, which is an achievement, because I think what he did was abominable. So that shows that you're an excellent author. Well done :).
Author's Response: Thank you for such a wonderful review! I was trying to create some empathy for Peter and I'm so glad it worked. I definitely agree with you about choice. It is something that JKR really spends time exploring--"It is our choices, Harry, far more than our abilities that determine who we really are"? I was also hoping that that theme would come across in this story. Peter chose to have a certain attitude and that affected what happened to his life. Ahh, you've made me blush. Thank you so much again. <3Mere
Summary: Humiliated in front of the entire school by the purple-faced Pomona Sprout, Gilderoy Lockhart plots a grand revenge. His weapon of choice - a goblet full to the brim with steaming cocoa.
But has he underestimated the redoubtable Head of Hufflepuff House?
This is Gmariam of Ravenclaw and Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff writing for the 2011 Aprils Fools' Day Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt 2 - Don't You Dare Prank Me!.
Disclaimer: We are not JK Rowling. If we had been, then there'd be far more stories about the Marauders in print.
This story is dedicated to our flist - especially the lovely Natalie (hestiajones). Enjoy!
Thanks for the on-the-hoof beta job, hestiajones.
Giddling madly, our story has been nominated for a 2011 QSQ for 'Best Darn Story Ever On The Archives' - okay, I mean Best HumoUr.
My first thought when I saw this was if both Gina and Carole have written it, it must be amazing. And I certainly wasn't disappointed. You're two of my favourite authors on Mugglenet, so I'm really glad you collaborated on something.
I loved the characterisation of both Pomona and Gilderoy (or Dick). It was fitting that Pomona got so upset about a plant being ruined, and I liked the idea that she had been his teacher and remembered what he had been like at school. The awkwardness of them once having had a student/teacher relationship and now beeing peers was interesting. On one hand I can't quite imagine Professor Sprout being as unprofessional as to shout at Lockhart in front of the whole school... but at the same time, it's about plants and Lockhart... so maybe she's allowed some room.
Gilderoy was written so well - particularly lines like He would get her back for this, or his name wasn’t ‘Gilderoy Lockhart.’ Just genius. His arrogance was hilarious and very in character. I loved the part when the potion worked on him and he was throwing himself at Severus...
The other teachers, particularly Minerva, were done so well (particularly her comments at the end). Although I wonder about Severus saying "Good Godric"...
Anyway, not only were your characterisations great, this was just a hilarious story, I couldn't stop laughing. Particularly at Gilderoy's attempts to recover some dignity, because he believes he has a reputation to maintain, when in fact he doesn't because everyone already dislikes him.
Good job with the Weasley twins, too. And that situation in class with Angelina and Alicia.
Throughout the story, I couldn't tell that this was written by two different authors - your really managed to mesh your styles together very well and the story was very fluid.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. Gina and I had a great time with this story and spent many a long email giggling over 'Dick' so I'm pleased you liked it too. As far as our styles go, Gina wrote the classy bits, I wrote the silliness. ~Carole~