Hi! I'm Katrina and I am not J.K. Rowling (just to avoid any confusion there).
I've been writing on MNFF since about 2010, but up until a few months ago had not written anything for quite some time. So I am trying to get back into writing, and have quite a few stories percolating in my head, but I just need to find the time to write them.
I basically only write one-shots (I have one three chaptered story), and they're usually character explorations and snapshots rather than long plots, but I've written about a variety of characters, so hopefully there's something you'll enjoy. I like experimenting a bit with form too.
Anyway if you have stumbled here by accident, I do hope you enjoy something.
This was really unique, firstly, and also really well written. I loved how you explored Charity's character - her loneliness, her feelings of how she'd aged - it made a lot of sense and you depicted her really well in this short snapshot. I also thought the ending was great - you didn't go for the fluffy happily-ever-after, but it still had a nice conclusion.
I also loved the song... I assume you wrote the lyrics? It was really fitting and brought the story together really well. I also loved how you made small references to canon characters, such as the fourth-year Gryffindors or Fred, George and Angelina, which seemed very fitting for a teacher.
So yeah... I really loved this fic. I don't think I've read a lot of your stories, although I've seen your name around before, so I'll probably be back writing more reviews soon, if this is anything to go by.
Just a small typo I noticed, near the end you've written "A one night stand, a moments pleasure..." when it should say "a moment's pleasure".
Anyway, great fic!!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review (and for pointing out the typo which I shall fix forthwith). This is a companion piece to one I wrote called Mere Wisps of Light which is about Draco really, but features Charity. I did write the lyrics, but that was relatively simple because I only had to write that one verse.
Thanks again for the review and I'm pleased you enjoyed the story. ~Carole~
I really enjoyed this fic! I know it was written a while ago, but I was on your author page and it caught my eye. The ending was quite unexpected!
There were a lot of things I liked about this. Firstly, I loved your Teddy. There was a lot of Remus' giving nature and Tonks' creativity and bubbliness in him, yet he remained his own person. I loved the excitement you showed in the fic too, and Teddy's enthusiasm was almost catching.
Great job with Harry's kids too, I loved Lily particularly - she's at that wonderful stage where anything is believeable. Albus acted like a typical middle child - wanting to be 'grown up' like his older brother, but still wanting to share in the fun of toys like his little sister. And I just loved the dialogue between James and Teddy - you almost had me convinced there!
Just a little note - one time you wrote "Domonique" when it should be "Dominique".
I loved the idea that you made Father Christmas real in this fic, particularly as you started out with Teddy pretending. It was a nice twist to the fic. And I can totally imagine Teddy becoming a future Father Christmas; he's so selfless and sweet.
I think something else I loved about this is that you showed the Potter/Weasley clan having fun together. To be honest, I get a little bit sick of the stories in which their family is falling apart - I mean, I know it's not realistic that they live 'happily ever after', but I'm sure there were moments like this when everyone was perfectly happy.
Anyway, I will refrain from going on too much... loved the story :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much Katrina! I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. This is not the first time I've written about Father Christmas as a wizard, because I quite like the idea. I'm glad you enjoyed the fluff factor, since it is a bit fluffy but yes, there are a number of stories out there where the next generation does fall apart. It makes for good drama, I think. No worries, I have a plot bunny that tortures them too, lol. ;) Thanks so much for reading this holiday story and leaving such a lovely review! ~Gina :)
The irony does not escape Severus Snape as he seeks to gain the favour of the Dark Lord on, of all nights, Christmas. The spectres of days dead and gone spur him on to complete his mission, but can the fond memories stop him from committing an unspeakable act?
This story has been nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Marauder Era Story.
Wow!! This was so good... Your characterisation of Severus was really good, and I liked that you showed a really loathsome side to him (so often people write Snape pity stories, and while they're not necessarily bad, it was nice to see another side of him, which must have existed). First person was perfect for this story, because it is very introspective and very much about Snape's entire character, not just this short part of his life.
I thought your portrayal of Voldemort was also very interesting. I liked the fact that he respected Snape's abilities and didn't probe fully into his mind when he possibly coud have. I think that really sets up the relationship that we see in HBP and DH.
So yeah... I can't think of anything bad to say, this was soooo amazing!!!
I will tell you, writing an entire story inside Snape's head is daunting. Writing his mannerisms and dialogue is difficult enough, but to think as he thinks was a complete bear. I'm just happy I finished it on time, because it turned out to be even more challenging than I'd projected. I'm glad you enjoyed that aspect of it.
To me, Voldemort was the prototypical spawn of Slytherin. Yes, he values blood purity, loyalty, and cunning, but he also admires excellence and skill. He is also the consummate manipulator, making his subjects bend to his will and conform to his agenda without them even realising it, and few ever do (namely Regulus). It was interesting to work with a mind like that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for reading/reviewing. :D
Great story!! Firstly, I think you did an amazing job of Ludo's character - everything he did/said could have come straight out of canon. I also thought your Oliver was great - it seemed very IC that he wouldn't have thought of any other path in life other than Quidditch and that things might come crashing down if that didn't work out.
Once again, your writing was really good. I absolutely loved the first line - it gave such a sense of character, setting and mood really efficiently.
From reading the summary, I sort of expected a romance kind of story (especially knowing that you're fond of Katie/Oliver), so it was really different to write what you did.
I think, with all the sports that are in the peak of their seasons at this time of year, I was sort of inspired by that and how so many college football players bank on their all-encompassing 'Communications' major instead of taking real classes to build a career, fooling themselves into thinking that they wlll make it big. I sort of had Oliver pegged as that type, more concerned with Quaffles than study. This was just a 'it could have happened' type deal. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks as always for reading and reviewing,
Nearly eighty years have passed since the Battle of Hogwarts, yet Padma Patil cannot banish the string of tragic memories from her mind. A part of her still holds onto them as a way to see the faces of those she has lost once more.
Her memories tell the story of a young woman too afraid to fight against Voldemort’s regime. Throughout her final year at Hogwarts, Padma had been forced to choose between defying the Death Eaters and keeping her loved ones safe. Her decision is one that will ultimately haunt her for the rest of her life.
Nominated for a 2011 QSQ - Best Dark/Angsty Story
I am lucca4 of Gryffindor and this is my final for the Missing Moments class on the MNFF Beta Boards.
** indicates a line taken directly from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pages 659-660
This was a really interesting story. Your characterisation of Padma was really great - from what little we see of her in the books, she really fitted that and you added to her. I really liked the perspective - as in, not wanting to fight, just wanting to survive - as we don't see that in canon ever really (it's not as if Harry was every not going to fight...). Anyway. The ending was beautifully sad. I also liked how you didn't make the romance the centre of this story, but instead used it to develop her character more and that sort of thing. It was definitely an interesting twist to have Padma end up blind, I thought that was very interesting.
Just a query about your opening - you talk about her remembering the "golden years of her past", and even though you then go on to explain that they often cause her pain, it didn't really sit quite right with me...
Anyway, great fic, it was a good portrayal of a different perspective! And also very tragic, especially the part that Padma never managed to move on.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review this story :). I'm glad you thought Padma was alright, and that you didn't think the ending was too horribly sad. As horrible as it sounds, I think that part was the easiest for me to write. About the openingÖthe "golden years" that Padma remembers cause her pain because although they symbolize everything wonderful that happened in her life, they are also a reminder that everything has changed, and she has lost everything of meaning to her. Again, thanks so much for this review! xx Ariana
I thought this was a really sweet one-shot... I was so into it, I sort of wished that it was longer!
Some of my favourite things about it were that James' attraction to Lily happened gradually and wasn't simply a physical thing, and that they were actually 'friends' of sorts when they were younger. I think that's quite realistic.
I also liked how you delved into James' character - the idea that he only really became arrogant after a Quidditch victory at the end of fourth year and then exacerbated the effect by trying to impress Lily, and then having it become a habit which he could hide behind was nice and unique. You've shown a mature side to James, without making him at all out of character.
I also liked that it was Lily who gave James a kiss on the cheek, and that at that point James didn't suddenly sweep her into a big romantic kiss... somehow it's much sweeter and more realistic this way. And I think it shows their emotional/mental connection, rather than just the physical side, which a lot of fanfictions tend to get caught up in.
So anyway, this was a nice fluffy one-shot but also with some nice characterisation and something a bit different. Oh yeah, good job with the other Marauders too!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for the review! You've picked up on everything I hoped to convey, which is really great. I'm currently writing a chaptered fic that carries on where the first part of this fic left off and continues throughout their fifth year, which hopefully will explore the deteriation of their relationship a bit more, so it does continue. Sort of! Once, again, thank you so much for reviewing. Sarah x
This was a very sweet story, and I thought you did a pretty good job of characterising Lily and James, especially Lily. I liked how it took her longer to mature than James, because she's always thought she was the mature one.
I also thought that having their best friends start dating was a good idea, however I would have liked to have seen more of Lily and Pilar's relationship. Although the narrator explained that their differences had never caused them a problem, it seemed to me that Pilar irritated Lily a bit and they didn't seem really close.
I also thought the last sentence was a little superfluous - I know it tied back in with the title and the main idea, but you had already made that point through James' dialogue, and I would have preferred the previous line as the last one (although that's just my opinion!).
I liked that Lily overheard Lacey and Alice's conversation, that was a great plot device, but Alice didn't sit quite right with me. I know she never appears in canon (well at least, not properly), but as she was Neville's mum, this kind of gossipy side didn't quite fit, I thought. But obviously it's possible that she matured a bit later or something.
So anyway, great job, especially for your first fic :).
Author's Response: Do you know, the points you bring up are things I considered; Pilar didn't irritate Lily because she was very sweet, and Lily was fond of her, an almost mothering tendency I'd gleaned about Lily's character. However, you're right, Pilar did annoy LIly a little. I did think the story was long enough without putting additional scenes with Pilar and Lily, though. I had so many issues deciding on the last line! You're quite right, the second last would have worked quite as well. I went with the one I had because it tied back to the title, although you're right, it does sound superfluous seeing as it is in James' dialogue. I was trying to feature an Alice that was a teenaged girl, so yes she was a little bit gossipy, although I tried to counter that by making her seem like she was genuinely happy for her friend. Lacey was supposed to be rather dislikeable, but if Alice was as nice and loyal as I pictured her, she wouldn't spot that. Since Lily had always seemed to hate James, Alice wouldn't have thought it was hurting her. Lacey was jealous of James' attention on Lily, so she would have had a vindictive pleasure that James might be interested in Lacey and not Lily. Thank you for your review, it's quite helpful ! It is my first fic after all, so I'm glad you think I did a good job. -Maddy
I'm assuming that I is Rodolphus, she is Bellatrix, he is Voldemort and it is her dark mark. The only thing is... I always thought Bellatrix had wild hair, not silky soft hair (although that could just be the movies... Helena Bonham Carter's portrayal of Bellatrix isn't exactly forgettable...). And I did find it a little weird that at some point Voldemort shared Rodolphus & Bellatrix's bed, not because Bellatrix wouldn't want it, but because I can't imagine Voldemort wanting that sort of contact with people.
Anyway, I loved this fic!! Your writing was beautiful, and you captured Rodolphus so well. It must have been hard being married to Bellatrix when clearly her whole life was poured into Voldemort. So great job there!!
Author's Response: Go you for getting the people :) And yes, in the films Bellatrix does have wild hair, but I'm pretty sure her hair isn't mentioned in the books. Personally, I've always thought of her as stunningly beautiful, but with a completely warped mind, so it would be impossible to tell her insanity until she said, or did something odd. And anyway, she's supposed to be a perfect pureblood wife, like her sister Narcissa, so it wouldn't be a huge stretch of the imagination that she would be expected to be beautiful. As for the bed sharing, I would imagine for that to have been in Voldemort's first rise to power, when he was Tom Riddle. In this time period, he would still have an attractive body, because let's face it, if you looked like the film Voldemort, wouldn't you have low self confidence? Much thanks for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :)
I think this is a great idea for a fic, and I loved the scene in the middle between Tonks and Moody - it really showed a beginning for the relationship between them that we see in canon.
I think you have a canon error - at the beginning, you said that "If Tonks had just been one year younger, he would have been her teacher". This isn't technically correct - Tonks was in the same year as Charlie, who graduated before Harry started, so she would have had to have been 3 years younger to have been taught by Remus. I also found it a little strange that you never used Remus' first name. I know often in canon he is referred to by his last name, but that is because the books are basically Harry's perspective and for him Remus is a former teacher.
Those are just small things though, I really did enjoy this. "They had all known this might happen, and they were all willing to die in order to defeat Voldemort. But when Tonks thought about Moody, and the kind of man he was – he shouldn’t have died like that. He should have died where everyone could have seen and applauded him – not where his death would have to be covered up. Not where the Order had to go and rescue his body to stop the Death Eaters taking it." - I really loved that paragraph and how it showed both Moody's and Tonks' characters.
The only other thing is that I wish it had been a little longer. Perhaps you could have showed us more interaction between Tonks and Moody or something?
Anyway, great fic, I really enjoyed this :).
Sorry that it's taken me so long to read more of this story. I also only got your response from my last review today, as my inbox decided to put it in my junk folder, which I don't check regularly. Anyway.
A few points from your response - I agree, I don't think Harry would make a connection between Rose and himself, but I would be surprised if Hermione didn't, but I suppose with school and everything Harry gets up to I suppose she's rather busy.
Also Snape - I think in a way he is a bit of a tragic hero, and people often view him in that way, but at the same time he did treat Harry terribly and refused to see anything other than his father in him. I read the other day that Potter fans have voted him their favourite character, which I suppose makes sense, since he's probably the character with the most depth in the series. Anyway, I digress. I think it's interesting that Rose is blind to how Sev acts, such as the line Honestly, it wasn't favoritism; Sev was above that sort of thing.... I think this is interesting, because it really highlights how two peoples' perspectives on one person and their actions can vary greatly. For example, Snape sees Harry as arrogant and mediocre because it's what he expects, other teachers see something different. It makes you wonder how accurate Harry's presentation of all the characters in canon is...
I liked the awkwardness between Rose and Sev when she left his house - as in that they're both awkward with showing emotion.
I think it's interesting every time you write the words "my brother", because in a way, there's so much more to being siblings than biological relationship, and I get a feeling of sadness for Rose, particularly with that scene at the end, that she's never been able to talk to her brother and share her life with him.
I also liked how you sort of paralleled Rose and Harry's experiences with Apparition - both going Side-Along with Dumbledore and having a similar feeling afterwards.
Author's Response: YAY! I'm so glad you're back reviewing me again, I'm loving the super-long in depth stuff you're telling me! It's like Author Heaven... Yeah, I was counting on Hermione being too busy with Harry to pay much attention to Rose. As for the Snape-Rose relationship, again, that's exactly what I was going for. Rose turns a blind eye to Severus as much as she can- and who can blame her? The man raised her, after all. Keep in mind that that makes Rose about as biased as Harry's presentation is. That's why she's so clueless about Snape as a villain. Awkward Moments are my specialty, having participated in several over the course of my fifteen years. :) Again, with the "my brother" thing- spot on! And I put in Side-Along Apparition as a bit of comic relief. :) Glad you're liking this!
Even though this story is essentially another perspective on the events of HBP (well sofar, anyway), I think you do really well at not making it repetitive, because Rose's perspective is so different. I like the way she pre-empts things that Harry does (eg shout when Dumbledore announces Snape as DADA teacher), because from her side it's almost as if he's a friend, but he doesn't particularly know who she is.
Valentine seems to be an interesting character - she makes me think a little of Theodore Nott, the other Slytherin loner. She's not technically on the class list, but that's not really canon and obviously you're not using anyway because neither Rose nor Sammy are on it. Anyway.
I didn't really like the ending of this chapter, for a few reasons - firstly, I thought it unlikely that Rose and Sammy would have been leaving the village at precisely that time, and secondly they didn't seem very affected by what happened. She screamed and moaned and writhed, but Hagrid picked her up and carried her off, and the other four students trailed after him. I don't think this really describes what it would have been like to watch this event, even from a distance... I think it would have been more terrifying.
Also, Sammy clearly doesn't know who brought Rose up - but surely Rose must have told her something...
I couldn't change what Sev brought upon himself. I thought this was an interesting line, because sofar in this fic Rose has completely defended Sev, so it's interesting that her attitude has changed somewhat.
Rose's comments about Hermione also make me smile, and I think they're true.
Author's Response: "From her side, it's almost as if he's a friend, but he doesn't particularly know who she is." ~You have been paying attention! I like to picture Rose watching from the sidelines all through school, cheering Harry on through everything that happens to him. She's been watching him- hopefully not in a creepy way, hee hee. Valentine was almost a total accident. She built more and more as I wrote the story, and she's become one of my favorites. As for the whole thing with the locket, you have to keep in mind that A) I'm still learning a lot about writing, and B) this was one of the chapters I wrote at one o' clock in the morning (I'm a slave to inspiration...). But you're absolutely right, I did skim over book six Moments almost too much. I just wanted to get through the repeat and get on with Year Seven. Also- yeah, she told Sammy something, it just wasn't necessarily the truth. I think it's mentioned a bit later... Pay attention to Rose's thoughts on Snape, you're on the right track there. And Rose's comments about Hermione are pretty much the same as mine. Remember, Rose is basically me, only tweaked a bit. :) Review again soon!!
This is an intriguing and interesting beginning to a story. I was a little sceptical when I read the summary, because while I don't mind a bit of AU here and there, I really prefer canon. But you've really made this concept work - it's obvious that you've thought it out.
Rose jumped off the page as a character - particularly when Sev told her who her parents were, I really got a sense of Lily (or at least, how I imagine Lily) when she asked if he'd killed anyone and when she said "You're not bad!". I liked how she talked about Snape as "Sev" - it immediately highlighted that while he acted as a father figure, he wasn't her father and it gives them a sort of friendship/cameraderie which works quite well.
I have to say, I found your Snape a bit OOC. Particularly when he told her who her parents were. I mean, from the way Snape reacts to Sirius in OotP, I really don't think he could be so blase about James. And the way he treats Harry shows it too - I mean, I know he sacrificed a lot for Harry, but he still can't seem to divorce him from his father. I suppose Rose being a girl and looking more like Lily would help, though. And I did like the bit when he said "that doesn't mean I haven't done bad things". That felt in character, particularly when he talked about Voldemort going after "you and your mother" and completely ignored Harry and James.
A few other small things - Peter was the Potters' secret keeper, so surely he would have known about their daughter? Also, if Rose has her mother's hair and eyes, surely Harry would have noticed it? Or Hermione, at least? Particularly the eyes - after all, there's a lot of redheads around, but almond-shaped bright green eyes are more unique. Anyway. That's just a small thing.
I also had to disagree with Rose's comment about Snape's behaviour towards Gryffindors - yes I know canon is presented from Harry's perspective, hence he's more likely to think Snape unfair, but I don't think McGonagall treats Slytherins the same way that Snape treats Gryffindors. In PoS, she takes 150 points from Gryffindor, and I can't think of a time when Snape takes more than 10 from Slytherin. I do understand your point - that people are quicker to punish the opposing team - but it just didn't feel right here. Anyway, sorry I just went on a lot about a small thing.
I think what you're trying to do is highlight Snape's redeeming features - and I think there are plenty of them - but when it goes against "truth" (or canon truth anyway) it feels like Rose is looking for ways to defend him or something.
Anyway, I hope you don't feel like this is a negative review, because I think this is an interesting and well-thought out plot and I'll certainly be reading on.
Author's Response: A) I don't think this is negative at all. In fact, it's awesome! This is the most anybody has said to me about my story, and I LOVE this kind of feedback, which I mostly salvage from my dad (who is also a writer, though not really in the fanfiction variety...) So just the length is enough to get me excited. Nobody else has really critiqued me that much. After fifty "THIS IS AWESOME"s, reviews like yours are refreshing. :) B) You were spot on with the allusions to Lily, and the Rose calls Snape "Sev". That was exactly my intention. I tried writing it with the word "Dad," and it immediately felt wrong. Nobody in a million years would ever call Snape Dad, or Daddy. It just isn't done. C) Snape is definitely out of character here. Part of the reason for that is, even though I posted the story a long time after the seventh book came out, I started writing this in middle school after I finished the seventh book. Snape's death and his memories gave me such a paradigm shift that I immediately started treating more like a tragic hero than a double agent, something my friends and I still argue about. The idea was that he skimmed over bashing Harry and James because he was sort of trying to protect Rose, although that doesn't make much sense now. I just figured he would want to get that part over with REALLY fast... D) I didn't even think about Peter until jut now- that's been happening a lot. I'll reread parts of my story and I'll think, "Oh, I could have done this!" Well spotted, you've been paying attention. As far as Harry goes, like I've said before, I don't set much store by Harry's intelligence. And Rose doesn't generally hang with Harry and Co, although I did think about Hermione figuring everything out at one point. In the end I decided not to. Mostly I'm relying on her being so caught up in Harry's adventures that she chalks up Rose's appearance to mere coincidence. E) As far as Rose's descriptions of Snape, you're absolutely right. I wanted her to ignore his faults, or at least to justify them, because I thought that would make her reaction to Dumbledore's murder so much bigger. I did that on purpose, even though I had qualms about it. I kept picturing her rolling her eyes and looking the other way whenever Snape took points from Gryffindor. I'm glad you think this is well thought out, and please feel free to review again (if you haven't already- I'm only just now catching up...)
Wow!! That was really impressive. Dialogue-only fics must be really hard to write... and yet this was just fantastic. Sirius' characterisation was spot on, and I loved your interpretation of Lily. You managed to put so much of their characters and the setting into the dialogue... it was really amazing.
My favourite part was probably just after Sirius and Lily had 'broken up' and Lily tells Sirius that's he's a good person. It really showed development in both their characters and was written so well.
Just one small thing - a couple of times you've written "Juliannaa" instead of "Julianna".
Anyway, I'm totally in love with this fic!! It was very unique and your writing was brilliant.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! In some ways, dialogue only can be tricky, but I heard this so clearly in my head it was not that hard. I'm thrilled to hear the characterization came through just through their dialogue, because I could also see them saying this, but that descriptive narrative element is obviously missing and unable to contribute to the overall effect. Thanks for pointing out my typo, I think I've fixed them all. :) And thank you so much for reading this, I really appreciate the amazing review for something I was a bit worried about! ~Gina :)
For someone who 'missed the screaming', Argus Filch was in his element the day the Carrows set foot into Hogwarts. Who knew that his kindred spirit had been walking the halls of the school for years already?
And it wasn't even Mrs Norris.
Thanks for such a quick response to my last review, I'm glad you like receiving them.
This is another fic of yours I read a while ago and didn't get to review... I think I wasn't quite sure what to think after my first reading of it. It is certainly disturbing and macabre... to the level that I usually expect Tom Riddle stories or something like that to be.
You have certainly done something fantastic with your characterisations here... and even though both Irma and Argus appear cruel and horrid, somehow you created a strange sort of empathy for them. I suppose I've felt that for Filch since we found out he was a Squib, and Madam Pince seems to be a rather lonely woman. Somehow I felt bad for them. Which is something really impressive to do as an author... because their behaviour in this fic is absolutely despicable. I suppose you're working on the theme that no-one is truly evil or truly good... that we all have both parts in us and sometimes circumstances can affect how we are.
The juxtaposition of them drinking tea - something that seems old-fashioned and friendly - with them listening to torture is just brilliant, particularly as it gives insight into their tortured minds.
Anyway, great fic, though certainly disturbing...
Hmm, this story was a dark, twisted baby, born of a rather hideous prompt for a fic exchange. I can't think of a pairing that I would want to write less than this one that doesn't involve Snape, so yeah... it is disturbing in that manner, as well.
The thing I've always thought about Filch and Pince is that they are rather pathetic people Filch gets walked over for a living by little bastards like Fred and George (which begs the question of whether the Marauders drove Apollyon Pringle to early retirement). Dumbledore seems to grant him some respect, but the bitterness about being surrounded by magic yet never being able to cast so much as a single spell would definitely eat at him. Plus, he probably wasn't all that nice to begin with. :/
And with Irma, I pictured her as a rather plain woman, likely not all that different from Snape's mother, Eileen. She is bookish and not very pretty and probably a bit standoffish. We havea pretty good idea, having been in school ourselves, what that does to one's social life. And when she chose a career that, whilst dealing with her true love in life, was essentially doing the same thing over and over -- putting back books that students mistreat and never return to their shelves -- it isn't unlikely that it would make her a bit... cross. And compile years of that and the stress of constant staff changes (and subsequent changes in curriculum, hence needing new stock for one thing or another) in the current school environs, I can see how she could take a llittle bit of pleasure out of one of the little rats that had made her job harder than it needed to be getting what was coming (in her view, not mine!).
And there you have now two not so nice people sip tea over the sound of a teenager being tortured. It was macabre, and not at all pleasant to write, but I was actualy surprised how un-sickened I was by the final product.
Thanks for dropping in again. I fear I may run out of stories for you to review soon, though. Venturing deep into my older fics is a dangerous business. I don't even do that, lol.
Well, anyway, ta for now!
I can't believe you managed to sum up the tragedy of the Marauders in less than 1000 words!! This was such an amazing piece of writing and characterisation... I can only say wow. At the very beginning, I found the writing style a little difficult, but then I got into it and it was so perfect for this fic.
Your characterisation of Peter was particularly stand-out, I think, especially as people tend to leave him out a bit in their fics.
Anyway... this was really amazing and I don't really have anything else to say... so I'll stop rambling...
Author's Response: Thanks very much for reviewing! I've been getting a lot of complements on Peter in particular, which is strange because I don't even like him myself...*random thoughts* Anyway, thank you so much again for taking the time to review.
So original! I'd never thought about translating the motto... although that might just be me. Anyway, I thought you characterised the founders really well (although, as some others have said, where was Helga?), especially Gryffindor, you showed him really well. I also thought you coped very well with the old-fashioned language - it didn't disrupt the flow at all and really added to the setting and characters. A very amusing and enjoyable read!
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I didn't actually translate the motto-- the Mugglenet main site did. I tried to make the characterization real-- that's something I pride myself on. And as for the language, my mom's an English teacher, so I've studied a lot of Shakespeare. Again, thank you for reviewing!
This was really beautifully written! You captured Tom so well and your word choice and imagery was just perfect.
When my monster rises to glory,
My hatred fires my heart,
Thirst suffuses my soul. I think this was my favourite part - the way you showed a part of the Tom --> Voldemort transformation.
Initially I wasn't really sure who the woman was - I had to check the reviews to see if I was right! Anyway, Minerva was a really good choice and I can see how their characters would work together. It's very sad that he takes her memories at the end, but also so typical of Tom - I'm sure he wouldn't want anyone to know that he'd succumbed to the "weakness" of love.
As another reviewer said, sometimes I found the repetition a little too much... but otherwise this was a beautiful poem!!
Author's Response: Hello Katrina!
I'm really enjoying this story (as usual). Jacqui works well as a neighbour, as she is nosey but also kind and caring. It's interesting to present Harry and Ginny (and their family) from an "unknowing" perspective (meaning that the narrator doesn't know that they're wizards). It's a difficult topic to write, because there are just so many small things that we as readers are used to from canon, which to Jacqui seem strange, and I think you're handling it very well.
I'm very curious to see what happens next... I suspect Mary won't know what's hit her.
My favourite line in this chapter was Ginny's quick correction of "Flooed" to "Flew". It made me smile.
Sorry this isn't as long/detailed as my reviews usually are... I have to go now, but I'm sure I'll be back reviewing this rather soon.
Thanks for the review.
Itís confession time. When I planned this story, the ďmainĒ plot was going to be the werewolf murders, and Jacqui was going to be comic relief. I wrote the first two chapters from Jacquiís (first person) perspective simply to give an outsiders view of the Potters. Then the kids (particularly James and Henryówho, together, are trouble) got more involved, and I was enjoying myself, so I then wrote the third andÖ
Now Iíve got myself into the position where my narrator has no idea whatís really going on and Iím juggling the story to keep her perspective, while moving the werewolf plot forwards.
Itís fun throwing in the little oddities Jacqui notices, like the lack of electricity (and flooed), and Ginny almost saying Knutless instead of penniless. Next, Jacqui finds out what Harryís job really is!
Nevertheless, in the interests of the plot (unless I have a brainwave) there will have to be one or two third person chapters where Jacqui is absent. -N-
Wonderful chapter, Neil. I think I'm enjoying this story because although there's references to darker things (the werewolf, obviously), this story is really about Harry and Ginny and how they work as a family and how they're accepted into a community. I think you said in a previous response that there was meant to be more focus on the werewolf? This is just me, but I'm actually really enjoying what has happened, and I love Jacqui as a narrator. I loved all the speculation about Harry's job and "a nora".
Your characterisations are, of course, excellent, and I love the idea that Harry and Ginny behave like a young couple, not the parents of three children. I think that's very them. After all, they lost so much time together early on...
‘Do you think he’s a spy?’
‘James Bond, with glasses.’ That made me laugh. Okay, a lot of this chapter did. Very well-written and you handled the wizard/Muggle relations very well.
Thanks for the review Katrina
I originally intended that there would be more focus on the darker side of this story. Retaining Jacqui as a narrator has made that difficult. Iíve been busy re-planning this story to take into account the limitations and (I think) about one chapter in eight or nine will be third person Harry pov. Just to allow me to explain a few thinks that Jacqui canít possibly know. Iím a little worried that this might be a clunky mechanism, but I canít think of another way to do it.
James probably thought everyone knew that his daddy is a Nora.
I think that Harry and Ginny simply appreciate what they have. Iíve seen several stories where Harry is distracted from Ginny by work and I canít see that happening. Heíll learn to juggle and delegate. And, after all, he thought about Ginny constantly during the Horcrux hunt.
This chapter was supposed to make you laugh. I hope that the next one will, too. In it, Mike will learn the answer to a very important question. Does the redhead have a bikini?
After all your lovely reviews, I think it's time I owe you one!
This story was really well-written, I especially loved your characterisation of Tonks. Her dialogue, particularly when she arrived at the battle and talked about saving Remus, was perfect for her.
I think you also did a good job with Remus - his feelings towards Tonks in this are typical, it shows how he's desperate to hang on to her as he has lost everything/one else in his life. Sometimes his dialogue didn't quite fit, though, such as calling Dolohov "Death Eater" and the line "I merely wish for you to stay safe" - this seems a little formal and thought out, I would have expected something more like "I want/need you to stay safe!"
The description of Remus holding Tonks' dead body was absolutely beautiful, and the idea that in the end, Remus welcomes death fits too, though he would never suicide, I think when he recognises the inevitable, he is no longer scared. I also loved how the ending line about the Marauders matched up with the memories at the beginning.
Great fic, Maddy,
Author's Response: Hello, Katrina!
Thank you so much for the high praise! Several people have pointed out the dialogue to me; I should have gone over it more carefully before submitting it since it's been two years since I've wrote it. A note on its unexpected formality - Remus has a difficult time recognizing his emotions (or so I believe from Jo's characterization of him). When he feels alone, frustrated, miserable, frightened, or simply desperate, I feel as if he has a very difficult time knowing what to say. But! I do completely agree with you that sometimes it just does not seem to fit.
With regards to his death - indeed, that is what I was attempting to show. One thing Remus is not short on is courage, and if he must die, then he will embrace with open arms. Everything he loved and lived for seems to precede him; when you don't have very much to live for, you won't suicide (as you said) but you will explore the life's next challenge, death.
Thank you so much for your comments and feedback, it feels lovely to receive such praise :). If I ever have the time, I plan to go back to this and edit the dialogue, because now that I'm really thinking about it, it sounds rather naÔve, since I was younger at the time. Again, I can't thank you enough! I simply hope that my writing can be as lovely as yours:).