Penname: Evora [Contact]
Real name: Dinny
Member Since: 04/08/10
Website:
Beta-reader: No
Status: Member
Bio:
My name's Dinny and I'm a hardcore Gryffindor! Hee hee. I am open to any ship at all though I don't read much slash. I have two OTPs: Draco/Hermione and Rose/Scorpius.

My favourite authors in here are: (you should probably check out their stories, too) MagEd, ron lover, Kerichi, Equinox Chick, lucca4, hestiajones, the opaleye, and ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor.

I hope you enjoy my stories! After many hardships, I manage to publish at least one that entertains :D
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Reviews by Evora
 

Anywhere Else But Here by Liandrin
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 26]

Summary: Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. Sparks fly. Dreadfully romantic, wouldn’t you agree? Well, that depends on your definition of ‘sparks’ - or the boy and girl involved. No, I’m afraid this isn’t one of your typical clichéd romances; it’s the other one. So take a seat and get comfortable. You’re in for quite a ride.

Categories: Draco/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 28469 Chapters: 9 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/23/10 Updated: 11/26/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 08/10/10 Title: Chapter 4: Mobility Issues

ARGHHHH. The site ate up my review! So now I'll have to make do another one.. :(

I missed out chapter three, but anyway, this was another funny chapter (I think everything is..) You should seriously write some humour fics. The plot seems to be moving slow, but I think you'll do it justice. I was totally engrossed with your 4th chapter, considering I'm quite honesly intimidated by the length of your story. How do you do it? How do write these details? How many years did it take you to finish the story?! (you said the whole fic's been written already).

I have to go to sleep now, so.. thanks for the entertainment! :)

Author's Response: Lol! Poor you and damn those review goblins who eat up reviews! ^_^

This will be one of my shorter chaptered stories, actually. You might not want to read my other ones, which are 50, 75, 100, and 200K! ^_~ This story, which I already completed months ago, took me almost two weeks to write. I actually do quite well writing with a deadline. Shades of Grey, which is much longer, was written in two weeks as well. ^_^ Plan B took a couple of months, but Prelude to an Affair took much longer. Plus, I need to update it. The first book is complete, but I have yet to post the last two chapters. *guilty look*

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Have a good sleep. ^_^

 
Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 08/23/10 Title: Chapter 5: Unexpected Guests

AHHHH!! Harry's there?! What a superb cliff hanger!

Ginny's meal, the head of a fish, that's what I eat, and most of my countrymen, too. Fish eyes are a delicacy, and also fish heads. The only difference is that ours is cooked XD

I've got nothing else to say, really, just, GAH. Update! What's Harry doing there?! What would he say about Draco and Ginny sleeping together? I mean, you know, just in the same bed.. nothing like.. fornication.

Good chapter! Sorry this review is fangirl-y. There isn't much to criticise here :)

Author's Response: Hehe, well, I'm not sure how Harry would feel knowing that Draco and Ginny fell asleep on the sofa together. He might not be impressed, but I don't Ginny's going to tell him--if she even remembers. ^_~

As for the next chapter, I submitted it a week ago, so it should be up soon (hopefully). ^^ I like fangirly reviews. ^__^

 

The Boys are Back in Town by ringobeatlesfan4
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 1]

Summary:

The Marauders are the most popular boys in the school, admired by younger and older students alike. Their O.W.L.s are finished, and they’ve all passed and are ready to begin sixth year. James has decided on the career path of an Auror and is trying as hard as he can to succeed. Sirius has followed James into Auror classes, and although he’s not entirely sure if that’s what he wants to do, he figures that it‘s worth it to spend time with his best friend. Remus is all set to begin the crusade for werewolf rights, despite what people may say. Peter is pursuing the profession of a healer. The four best friends are as close as ever, now that they’ve been split up for the first time in six years, and are trying harder than ever to make school fun as they run into problems like girls, grades, and a certain Slytherin. Along the way, they’ll learn that there’s more to life than just being a Marauder.

Meanwhile, Lily Evans has been considering whether or not it’s worthwhile to continuously turn James down; she knows she doesn’t want a boyfriend, but she thinks she could really use a friend. Jackie Carter cruised through all of her classes for the past five years, but keeping up with N.E.W.T. level classes is proving harder than she expected. Mary Macdonald has been having troubling nightmares and needs to find someone to talk to. Angela Hunter is realising that her father getting re-married will benefit her family more than she thought. The four girls need each other this year more than ever as they begin N.E.W.T lessons, and the impending graduation is getting closer than ever. Together, they’ll face the drama of being a teenage girl…coupled with the feelings of love and friendship. It’s a year that no one will be able to forget.

Title taken from the Thin Lizzy song of the same name.



Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 4105 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
07/28/10 Updated: 08/10/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 08/23/10 Title: Chapter 1: The Hogwarts Express

You’ve written the Marauders as the immature children they are, that’s great! :D

The opening of the chapter was fantastic; the description of the scene was very vivid that I could imagine the scene exactly in my mind. The line, ”Birds chirped happily as they flew by outside the window, and the occasional butterfly appeared beside the glass pane” gives the scene a somehow utopian air, and the perfection of it gives off a signal to a fluffy scene so I was surprised when it wasn’t.

The banter between Sirius and James about the owl quill was great, it made me laugh. I didn’t expect Sirius to be the type to waste money in something so trivial, but I guess being part of a wealthy pureblood family was a factor to it. That was awesome :)

The list of plans to woo Lily is rather a clich thing to do, I’m sorry to say. It’s just that there have been many James/Lily fics that concern lists. :( It is fun to do in some parts of the story, but to start with it isn’t really a good idea… but don’t be discouraged! It’s only the first chapter, and I’m sure you’d come up with more ways to produce scenes that doesn’t involve lists.

“You two are scary,” Peter commented. “You practically share a brain; that can’t be normal.”

Haha, that was really funny XD And the sentence where James wonders why Peter always go out instead of staying in the compartment to change was a good way to portray his insecurity. That’s so much like Peter to me, good job! James and Sirius were really IC throughout the whole chapter, however, I didn’t expect Remus to be that harsh when he was telling James to grow up. It’s rather a Lily thing to say. He also ripped the paper which is particularly harsh considering Remus was kind of like a softie when it comes to his dear friends. Peter agreeing with him, “Took you long enough,” when James declared he was a prat isn’t a Peter thing to say, too. Peter idolizes James, so I wouldn’t think he would think badly of his idol.

I’m done with my not-so-negative remarks, and I hope you don’t get discouraged! I’ll continue now with my favourite parts of the story.

“Care to close that?” Peter inquired. “The Slytherins followed us up here one year, and we’d rather not relive that.”

Fantastic move there, Becca! Of course, we couldn’t forget that those four boys are against the whole Slytherin House and vice-versa. Very nice detail! :)
I must say, Remus having a female enemy in the same house? Wow. That’s a first, and that’s what I call original. I wonder if they would end up together… XD When James said that he was going to stop asking Lily out already, and Lily replying that she doesn’t believe him, I felt the sting of her words. Poor James, Lily really doesn’t know when to stop hurting you, does she? So James stopped the courting now, what’s going to happen next? Your OC, Jackie, is funny, too. I wonder if she had an ulterior motive when she was convincing Lily to consider James’ proposal (No, not the marriage proposal), or did she just felt bad for James?

Continue writing, and I hope to see a fast update soon! :)

Author's Response: So I get home from getting two teeth pulled out (not nearly as bad as I anticipated, haha) and find this review, and it totally made my day better. Dinny, you are fabulous! I think we discussed a bit of this on AIM yesterday, but I'll just readdress it all because it made my day so much better. I'm stoked that you liked that bit of description; I had a discussion with my mother about how I'm not a very visual writer, and she said that to give a fantastic vision of a scene you don't need to use fancy adjectives, just write what you see in your mind, which is what I did for this :) I'm pleased that you thought it gave it a utopian air; I think that, to some students, Hogwarts WAS in fact a utopia, that it was home. And what can I say about the Sirius-James bantering? XD I find intelligent sniping rather amusing, and it's so fun to write! As for the list... I definitely do believe it was a cliche. I've got it turned into a bit of a recurring joke in later chapters, something to fuel the sarcastic dialogue between James and Sirius, so I don't really want to edit it out at this point. As for Remus's reaction to the list, and Peter's comment, in my mind I thought they were a bit justified. I see Remus as being the closest to Lily out of all of them, and being exasperated that James is still so immature that he thinks something like a list will win Lily's heart. As for Peter, I saw him as being a bit distracted throughout that scene, poring over schoolbooks, not really aware of what he was saying. If I got rid of that description while editing, that's my fault and I fail XD Well of course we can't forget the Slytherin rivalry! Thank you very much for the compliment on that line, though, I didn't feel like it particularly stood out when I wrote it :) As for Remus and Angela's animosity... Ah, we'll find out a bit later if there's more than academic reasons to that one, won't we? ;) Jackie is a dear to write, she's fabulous. Thank you so very much for this fantabulous review! I'll definitely try to update soon! Becca:D

 

If You Change Your Mind by Sagen
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: 'If you change your mind, I'm the first in line. Honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me.'


They say that your last year of school is supposed to be your best. Too bad that isn’t true for Lily Evans and James Potter. Who knew that everything can be ruined in a week? First an over-the-top crush, then two friendships. Can you fix everything by someone changing their mind or is it too late once it’s over?

Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Self Injury, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 5436 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
08/07/10 Updated: 12/28/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 08/10/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: A Book Filled With Rubbish

Hello, Gen!

I must say, I was laughing like a maniac while I read this. Very entertaining! :) To be honest, I was surprise to see the name "Paul" being used. I don't know, but it seemed very American rather than British. Just saying! The line "I'd rather go with Black than you" and James's reaction to it made me laugh out really loud. Laura is a very interesting character, and I'd like to know more about her, but why weren't Lily's friends introduced in the chapter? Hiding something, hmm? Anyway, I completely love this, and I hope to see fast updates from this soon!

Wait.. this is a sequel?! I must read that.. Oh wait, I already read that XD

Goodluck, Gen! That was an enjoyable chapter!

Author's Response: Dinny! Thanks :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. Chapter two is with the betas now, so it should be up in a week or so. :D

 

The Choices We Make by emck_21
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Lia Thompson is a sixteen-year-old Australian girl about to enter her fifth year at The Glenvale College of Magical Arts. But the Wizarding World is at war, and although Lia may think she's far away from trouble, she's about to learn exactly how wrong she is.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Substance Abuse, Violence

Word count: 4920 Chapters: 3 Completed: No
Published:
08/22/10 Updated: 01/28/11


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 09/03/10 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter One: Downtown

My first impression after reading this chapter was how magical you wrote it! I was worried that I would end up reading a fic that resembles almost nothing of the Wizarding world, but then I am obviously impressed by how much detail concerning magic you’ve put into this! The Owl’s Chronicle was a good name for a Wizarding newspaper, but you really got me wondering what Wizarding prison Australia has. Describing Azkaban as ‘much, much worse’ than the local prison also made me think if Dementors were widely used in prisons or not. Hm.. do you have magical beasts guarding the Australian prison instead? Hope you get more into those points as you continue your story :)

It’s curious to know why you put Lia’s father as an editor/writer in the newspaper, because that would mean that he might get influenced by the Ministry of Magic (in Australia, obviously), which might get infiltrated by the Dark Lord’s followers; Lia’s family would get affected. . . and possibly, her personal life. Again, really interesting. I’ll definitely be checking this fic out for updates.

I love how Lia acts so real. She’s quite shy to admit it to her friends that she has a thing for Tristan, but I’m pretty sure that she’s easily subjected to jealousy, if ever. You’ve really got your main OC fleshed out :) About the other characters, I’m again curious to know their true colors – their ‘innate’ personality. To be honest, OC’s appear more real once I see what they truly are during moments of pressure and adrenalin rush, and fighting one’s friends, etc. You know, hard times.

They served everything from Muggle food like chicken and chips to exotic, magical meals like crumbed Hippogriff with potatoes. I’ve always had issues with the idea of eating something we learned about in Care of Magical creatures, but apparently I’m the only one.

Excellent detail! :D Lia’s thoughts of ‘what if’s’ were really a fantastic way to both shaping her character, and the story’s solidness. I can see that you’ve done a lot of hard work into this. The little things should never be ignored, and I’m happy that you did what a good Harry Potter fan fiction author would do.

“It’s not a shed,” I said, annoyed. “It’s an...unfurnished granny flat.”

I just wanted you to know that I laughed out loud with that. Let’s not forget the humour, shall we?

Alas, the ending! A sweet and not typically-fluffy way to put their budding romance into action! I enjoyed reading this and I hope you update soon. :)

Author's Response: Um...yeah. So I like, love you, just so you know. Seriously, I'm freaking out as I type :) Ah! I love reviews! Also, I am so glad that you thought the chap was 'magical' enough, 'cause that's what one of my biggest worries was writing it :) Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

 

Being by Rosehh
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: There was always the possibility that he'd created a monster.

But they couldn't be sure.

Not until now. Sexual situations warning is for description of childbirth.

Categories: Remus/Tonks Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1088 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/26/10 Updated: 08/29/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 09/01/10 Title: Chapter 1: Scared?

A creative scene to write about Tonks giving birth :) I have feedbacks for you exploding in my mind, but not all of them are quite positive and not quite negative either, but I hope you don’t get discouraged! I’ll just be pointing some things that might improve your writing. :)

The garden came up well this year, he decides.

I think it would have been better if you took out ‘he decides.’ The phrase seemed to be acting like a clutter. The whole opening paragraph was very lovely – the descriptive way you wrote it was simple yet vibrant in the sense of being graceful.

. . . each one gently holding its poise before beginning to dance when the summer came in a few months.

THAT is my favourite line. It was so artistic and at the same time, very poetic of you to base the petals of a flower as a dancer! But then, I got confused.

This is his escape.

Escape from what? From his wife?

Remus contemplating on the numerous colors of the flowers then having sentiments push through him gave him his ‘air’. What I mean is that adding thoughts about his wife made him more solid, thus becoming IC (in-character). Tonks’s shout being compared to a portkey was again, very creative! I’ve never thought of cries for help as a portkey, but it made so much sense and the line also says how Remus was by his wife’s side in a blink of an eye.

I can’t help but smile at the part where Remus didn’t know what to do. It’s all just so typical male, don’t you think? Even male wizards don’t know how to deal with that. His anxiousness and ‘what am I going to do?’ attitude was evident though he didn’t say it. I love how you wrote Remus as someone who looks at Tonks like she’s fragile (which she was at the moment). I can picture the scene in my head: Tonks’s body sprawled around the bed with pain governing her. The questions he asks himself about fear contributes to the fact that he’s about to be a father; a very nice detail :)

When he’s satisfied of her comfort, or the closest that he believes she can call comfort currently, he reaches over her shoulders and feels the hard, unnatural thing that was to be inside her for just a few hours longer.

I was disturbed at the mention of the ‘hard, unnatural thing.’ Even Remus as a werewolf wouldn’t think of his child like that, no matter if the child would come out as human or not. That may just be me though.

It’s the uncertainty that causes his feelings of dread to equal his feelings of concern for his wife, who smiles weakly at his touch, and there’s something else there, something he can’t, through all the confusion, place his finger on.

This made me go ‘aww.’ That was sweet. :) I can almost imagine his face as his feelings collide. The mention of a feeling he can’t quite figure out what it was made it all the more real. However, the phrase ‘through all the confusion’ gives a sense of a past tense so I think it would be better to say ‘with all the confusion.’

She whispers to him in incoherent fragments, her voice ebbing in and out, the irresolute tide gracing the shores of strength.

Good galloping gargoyles, the irresolute tide gracing the shores of strength? Incredibly poetic! I’m beginning to see you have a talent for this kind of narration. You should write some poetry – I know I would read it.

Andromeda being unsure to what should be done is another excellent detail. Some authors would miss how the wet nurse, or in this case, a mother, think in this particular situation. I think the lines describing that were one of my favourites in this fic, too. :D

Just another nitpick:
The rare skirt she is wearing is folded over, onto her stomach.

You don’t need the comma there after ‘over.’

I just love the last part. I think your writing there was yet again, brilliant. I’m going to say it again because I can’t keep from using it: your lines are so poetic, so artistic. The scene of the baby coming out was beautiful. Basing it by the feel of the child rather than visualizing it was fantastic. You put it so gracefully.

I think the ending deserved more than what it is. A sentence describing his love and joy for his family would be better than leaving it with ‘spreading the news.’ Over all, it was a lovely read. I’m serious about the poetry – you should really write one. I hope you wouldn’t be discouraged to my remarks! I enjoyed reading your story, and I hope you write more! Goodluck! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate all the time and effort that you must have put into that! I understand what you mean about the ending - as I said above to another review, I've tried to write it many times and not got it quite right yet, and I'll edit it as soon as I can get something better. You've given me some fantastic feedback that'll be really helpful, so thank you again!

 

The Bookshop Owner's Gift by h_vic
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 14]

Summary: Past Featured StoryScorpius Malfoy never expected the brief visit to his bookshop of a rude woman with no interest in books to give him so much to think about.



This story won the 2011 Next Generation one shot QSQ

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 6533 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/04/10 Updated: 09/10/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 10/02/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hannah, I’m so glad you wrote a story about my favourite pairing! It wasn’t only original, but the characters also stayed consistent all throughout the story, and wonderfully so.

I was really surprised to read that you’ve put Scorpius in that kind of occupation. It seemed a too simple goal for someone born from a family that had a high standard of living, and just too different for a Malfoy, but I don’t see it as a problem—in fact, it all added up to my curiosity as a reader. Then there was the mention of his Aunt Daphne. Really, that mere mention of her made me want to know more. Barnaby, an employee of the shop, was also pointed out to be a boyhood friend from schooldays. I wondered how that happened, and how they both interacted each other during Scorpius’ years in Hogwarts. I’m pretty sure he’s a bit different from what you write him as now, so the growth of a character always interests me.

In a general view, I’m just dying to say that your writing is fabulous. Your descriptions make your sentences stand out, and show how much detail you’ve created in your mind. The one about Rose’s first appearance was simply fantastic. I can’t really say how much I absolutely adore that scene. Her entrance to the shop gave her an air of arrogant confidence—it immediately gave her a flaw and. . . you know, I’m can barely keep a lid on my fangirl-ness right now. Your characterization on Rose was very wanting and new that I was unsatisfied that you wrote just a one-shot about them. Their personality worked so well with each other!

Nitpick:

He pushed his wet hair back out of his eyes, and this seemed to alert her to the fact that he was standing in the rain. She shuffled sideways a little to let him share her meagre shelter.

Meagre – meager.

I love how Scorpius was so attracted to her even if he didn’t entirely see her as beautiful. She was enigmatic, and I could totally understand that. The scene where he sees her faltering bravado – a very nice scene for them both. It was very much like Ron for her to be so upset like that and end up smoking or drinking, but she was her own person nevertheless, and I could see that plain and clear.

He didn't want to think about Death Eaters; it was all just a little too close to home. He had spent his life trying to prove what he wasn't.

I’d like to go ‘no way, I so super duper love that’ but Jen would kick my butt, and I rather treasure my current SPEW standing (which is just a new member). Those were two outstanding sentences! It hit the core, the bull’s eye, the target, whatever you would like to call it. It was an excellent sneak peek to his past, present and future. I half expected something of the likes of that, but it was just excellently put.

Rose’s bike – I would think that either James or Ted would have a go with it, but I never saw it as Rose’s possession. If you keep surprising me like this, Hannah, I would literally buzz you on AIM to write a chaptered Next-Gen fic. It was an unexpected, delightful surprise to mere little me. I’m a big fan of the Marauders and to see one of their possessions—almost like a piece of their legacy—to be handed down after two generations, I can’t even explain my over-exaggerating excitement.

To be honest, I thought it was a bit OOC for Rose not to like books. Yes, it’s stereotypical since her mum is Hermione Granger but really, you kept me bouncing on the edge. I thought it would lessen their chemistry, but then more surprises came and instead, that difference sparked something I’ve obviously underestimated (side note: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – is that real? It seems like something I would read).

Onto Scorpius’ character – what in Merlin’s beard? Are you a passionate bookshop owner as well? He was so very into his job and especially during his quest for the book for Rose, and as what you’ve written, he was ‘in his element here’. You’ve really got your medal on when you write about Scorpius, and maybe, he’s the one character for you. Ever thought of that? I was starting to think he was gay, then his male characteristics went out and he started noticing Rose’s body (I was kidding about the gay part – just trying to state my point. . . my point about your awesome writing skills).

His night at Rose’s flat – again, they stayed consistent even in an intimate situation as that. How Rose was aggressive in their kiss showed just that. Besides the rated scene (which I’m probably not allowed to read, but then again, who’s to say I’m not mature enough? No, don’t tell that to my mom), I found the morning after completely surprising (ooh, there’s that word again!). I did wonder what’s going to happen next and how would Rose act, but her Weasley gene, the hotheadedness, came out and it was the perfect way too keep the reader going with as much interest as there was at the beginning.

Scorpius stared at her, the hatred in her wild eyes burning holes in him, and felt the fierce cold of sadness, betrayal, anger and frustration at the things he couldn't ever change wash over him.

That is one of the best one-liners I’ve ever read.

But you already know that, I’m sure. Gone With The Wind – forgive me for saying that I haven’t read that yet. I’ve been meaning to for a long time, but it’s not happening. I’ll borrow from the library and come straight for you to let you know that I’ve read Rose’s favourite book. :D

Overall, this was an entertaining and exciting read. I can’t believe that you don’t have a chaptered fic up yet since it looks like you’re quite good with writing suspense and unique romances. Next-Gen characters are close to OC’s but you’ve ingrained in them some of their family’s tendencies and I find that I’m close to crying and begging for you to write more Next-Gen stories. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading this particular one-shot of yours because your writing is (again) excellent, fabulous, fantastic and well-defined. I can see your style beneath the stories, and I feel like I’ve unearthed a gold mine. It’s high praise, and I know that maybe you won’t believe me, and that it would be quite hard to digest but you should never forget how good of an author you are already. Great, great job, Hannah! Cheers!

 

All That I've Got by J Raven
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary:

Tom Riddle was always the perfect student, right?

Wrong

There was one spell he never could get right

A spell that required the one thing he couldn’t have

A happy memory

It’s hard to be the best when what you need is just out of reach



Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Violence

Word count: 2633 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/08/10 Updated: 09/08/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 09/09/10 Title: Chapter 1: Everyone Else Has A Memory

Congratulations on your first fic! This one-shot is one of the few treats concerning Tom Riddle. He stayed very much in character all throughout the story, so good work on that! :)

It is a canon statement that almost everyone in the Dark Lord’s circle cannot produce a patronus, and writing a story about Voldemort himself and his patronus problem and setting it during his year in Hogwarts was a brilliant idea. The way he thinks negatively of everyone and enjoying himself while he cause other people pain and humiliation was Tom Riddle down to the core. However, there are some things that didn’t quite suit me.

Tom keeping his diary in his pocket – now, that seems a bit childish, don’t you think? He’s very well-known to be good in finding excellent hiding places (i.e. Horcruxes), and keeping it with him everywhere he goes doesn’t fit well to his character. The story didn’t state that he brings it with him always, but I would have wanted to know why it was with him during his Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

‘Get a grip, you can do this. Everyone else has a memory. Everyone else...’

Riddle went to Hogwarts around the late 1930’s, I’m not too keen to accept that the phrase, ‘get a grip on yourself’, was used during that time. Another reason is that it doesn’t seem like what a proud, arrogant villain would say to himself. Don’t get me wrong, I do approve of Tom keeping his spirits up, but the phrase isn’t good enough for his character. Maybe try to rephrase it?

“Professor, I've just remembered, I was supposed the meet with Headmaster Dippet ten minutes ago. May I be excused?” Tom feigned.

Wonderful detail! Dumbledore was the one who got him from the orphanage but it wasn’t till Riddle was out of Hogwarts that Dumbledore became the Headmaster. Good to see that you have stayed in the realms of canon!

Failure was for Mudbloods and Squibs!

Another wonderful detail! Too see in Riddle’s mind, we mustn’t forget that he despised those who does not pure of blood (other than himself, of course). This was really a great detail.

The Flashback – that was really a creative scene to write. You based the problem to Tom’s ability to speak to snakes, and you progressed it with the use of his anger and spite. I do love the way you wrote how his mind works. His hate for the cries of little girls, and his pleasure for causing mayhem. I have to tell you that though it was said that he had an unnaturally excellent control over his magic, stopping his and the two other children’s fall is too powerful, even for the child Riddle, but I may be wrong. . .

“Thank you.” Tom lifted his foot off Dennis’s hand and swept out of the cave, leaving the younger children alone in the dark.

As a child, he was a very naughty boy that others feared. I think Tom saying ‘thank you’ is a bit far-off. I mean, he can be quite charming when he needs to, but this happened before Dumbledore came to tell him he was a wizard. Another thing is that I don’t see him mocking (I’m assuming he was mocking when he said that) by using polite responses as a child. But don’t get discouraged! I love how you wrote the whole story, and I’m merely pointing out the tiny bits that might help you on your way to being a more grasping author. I would also like to add that when incorporating flashbacks, it’s best to put it italicized so that it doesn’t get confusing (no, your story wasn’t confusing, don’t worry).

Just two more nitpicks:

“Get up” Tom snapped and he looked around him for an idea of what to do next.
“No, you’re insane” Dennis spat.

You need to place a comma right after the last word of each of their quotation.

My favourite would have to be the last part. Seeing himself disarrayed unnerved him, and it was such a fantastic detail for you to add the mirror. He got mad at himself for appearing so weak, and I think cursing the mirror was just a great, great way to show his depth. When you described the students having never felt such raw power radiating from a person, I was really impressed. That was a simple yet firm description of his entrance to the classroom. I imagined him looking smug, but handsomely so. Now, his patronus trick was just plain ingenious! That was absolutely Tom Riddle, the Slytherin heir! I just love that part, and of course, he would pick a snake to represent him. Again, that was amazingly in-character. Excellent job! I hope you keep writing, goodluck!

Author's Response: Hi Dinny I told you I would reply eventually. Sorry it took so long, I was writing a huge reply (though not a long as your review! Thanks ;)) Tom keeping his diary in his pocket now, that seems a bit childish, dont you think? Hes very well-known to be good in finding excellent hiding places (i.e. Horcruxes), and keeping it with him everywhere he goes doesnt fit well to his character. The story didnt state that he brings it with him always, but I would have wanted to know why it was with him during his Defense Against the Dark Arts class. I agree that Tom was very good at finding hiding places but I also think it would be hard for him to hide anything while still at school. In Slughorns memory, Harry notes that Tom is wearing the ring and has therefore already killed his father. If we assume that Tom Riddle Snr was the murder to create the ring horcrux then he had no problem keeping it on his person. Also Tom was a thief when he as younger, I assume that he would therefore have a distrust for others as they might want to steal from him (especially after four years of living with Slytherins). My little brother steals my pens (sad, right) and I have found that keeping them with me most of the time is the best way to keep them safe. I doubt Tom would trust the magic of the Head Boys room to keep his most prized possessions safe, especially with Dumbledore being a teacher and presumably knowing all the passwords. Riddle went to Hogwarts around the late 1930s, Im not too keen to accept that the phrase, get a grip on yourself, was used during that time. Another reason is that it doesnt seem like what a proud, arrogant villain would say to himself. Dont get me wrong, I do approve of Tom keeping his spirits up, but the phrase isnt good enough for his character. Now that I look back, I defiantly agree. I suck at different time periods. Do you think the Ministry would let me have a time turner for fanfic research purposes? Lol I have to tell you that though it was said that he had an unnaturally excellent control over his magic, stopping his and the two other childrens fall is too powerful, even for the child Riddle, but I may be wrong. . . Hmmm, I think youre right. Ive changed that a bit now, thanks I think Tom saying thank you is a bit far-off. I mean, he can be quite charming when he needs to, but this happened before Dumbledore came to tell him he was a wizard. Another thing is that I dont see him mocking (Im assuming he was mocking when he said that) by using polite responses as a child. True, i never thought about that but youre right, it is out of character. Ill change it, thanks. You need to place a comma right after the last word of each of their quotation. Ah commas, the bane of my existence lol. I either put too many, not enough or use them to cause massive run on sentences. Thanks for the tip. Finally, thank you for the amazingly long review. You made some wonderful points and helped me a lot. Im really glad you enjoyed my story and I cant wait to read more of yours. Also thanks for ghosting me :) Jess

 

On the Wings of Scarlet and Gold by lucca4
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 15]

Summary:

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

A war is brewing in the Wizarding world. Hogwarts is not the safe haven it used to be. Students are beginning to consider the unthinkable, desperate to save those they love. The corridors are filled with eager spies who are too young to realise the severity of their decisions.

In the midst of it all, the Marauders are closing in on their last year of schooling. James is learning that letting go is sometimes the only way to move forward. Lily discovers that what she was looking for all along is right in front of her, while Sirius and Remus struggle to keep the group together, each in their own way. And Peter begins to realise that he can be more than a tiny piece of a large puzzle, perhaps the most dangerous epiphany of all.

Sides must be taken, a war must be fought, and prices must be paid—some higher than others. Choices are made that will undoubtedly change the course of the future. And from this darkness, the phoenix must rise.



Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse, Violence

Word count: 7329 Chapters: 3 Completed: No
Published:
09/09/10 Updated: 10/28/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 10/03/10 Title: Chapter 2: Confusing Conversations

OMG SHE'S GOING TO DIE?! NO FREAKING WAY!!

Okay, like, I fangirl your story right now. I can't resist typing that so I guess my SPEW skillz just went out of the window. I absolutely love the characterisation of the new professor, Professor McKinnon. I think it's very original though it somehow reminded me of Umbridge (which I think that you meant that to happen). Lily's boyfriend seem okay, but I wonder what kind of person he really is. Anyway, I'm obviously going to knock you off your knickers as I will bother you so much to submit the next chapter. SO PLEASE, KEEP GOING! I hope RL isn't eating you up; I really do wish for the next chapter to be up soon.

In your mercy of awesome author skillz,
Darth Dinny or Dorksville.

Author's Response: Yes, Dinny, she's going to die!! Because this is totally an AU fic :D . Yay! You don't know how happy I am that you fangirl this story (or that you let your SPEW skillz fly out the window ^.^). Seriously though, thank you so much for saying that! Professor McKinnon...we'll see about her. There's not too much about her in the next two chapters, but I promise she'll prove to be a...complex character. There'll definitely be more of Matthew, though! I'm sorry to say that RL is kind of knocking the wind out of me, and Chapter 3 won't be up for a while :( . I will get it up as soon as I can...expect it as a Halloween present, though. You make my day by reviewing, by the way :) Just sayin'. xx Ariana

 
Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 11/02/10 Title: Chapter 3: Perfection

Aww, poor Peter. I would pity him for more than just a second, but then I would have to forgive him for killing James and Lily, and sentencing SIrius to a lifetime imprisonment soo. . . . yeah. XD I LOVE the last part, Ariana. It had a fishy-smell to it, one that draws you in curiously. It was written very gently, yet it's like you have a very firm control of it. I'm excited to see what you've been brewing in that lovely-smelling cauldron of yours! Next chapter please! :D

Author's Response: Yeah. Making people (including myself) feel bad for Peter is very hard for me to do, but I'm working on it :). And I'm so glad that you liked the ending! I was worried I'd gone a little overboard with that...I really love how you described it, by the way. Gently written and with a fishy smell, that made me smile. Thank you so, so much for reviewing! And next chapter is being written with the speed of a thousand Hippogriffs ^.^ ~ Ariana

 
Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 09/19/10 Title: Chapter 1: The Final Return

First of all, congratulations on your first fic! I extremely enjoyed reading the first chapter and I hope the next one is already in queu :)

In the opening paragraph, your description of the scene was written very beautifully. The short, simple sentences were so vivid, and grasping to the mind and the senses. I especially love the phrase ‘Rain and the everlasting English fog hung heavily in the sky.’ I thought it was both poetic and literal; strange combination, but wonderful result.

The scene of Remus and Sirius’s conversation was thoroughly IC, more so with the added detail of ‘the teasing of Manly McHill.’ It just seems so childish and boyish, so it was very much like our beloved Marauders. I find Peter’s sudden girlfriend intriguing for the story plot, but I thought that he was also IC by the look of his appearance when he entered the compartment.

As always, you wrote Sirius just the way he is. He was so funny here, and the sense of his borderline stupidity was evident! His whines and crave for attention fit him well, you did a really good job, Ariana :)

One of my favourites in this chapter is Remus’s metaphor about James’s situation. You were very clever to come up with that creative metaphor, and I could totally see Remus saying that with a hint of worry. I highly approve James’s reaction to it and Remus being put out by the waste of his effort. Again, all very IC!

Sirius being mad at James because of Lily – underneath that manly surface, it shows that he does care for his best mate deeply that he would go to the extent of going forward to him about giving up on Lily. It’s not the typical ‘boy best-mates reaction’, but seeing as Sirius and James were quite a different pair to begin with, it explains a lot when they truly care for each other’s emotional welfare.

I laughed when I reached the ‘Trolley Lady’ incident. I love how you don’t forget other minor characters and involve as much as canon characters, no matter how small their role is in the series.

I really, really love the detail of James’s enthusiasm for new Gryffindors and House spirit. Considering that he is an over-enthusiastic boy with a great big ego that is being fed by many a Quidditch wins, his behaviour during the sorting fitted so well! I know that the Marauders may be annoying, but they’re just adorable that way – and I think that making Lily see that little by little is a great Marauder Era fic to get it going with (as most Marauder Era fics should).

Lily being overly defensive about her current boyfriend – I don’t know why but sometimes, I hate Lily. She gets very self-centered at times, in my opinion—but that’s a good thing for an author! For a reader to acquire emotions while reading your story, it’s an excellent accomplished! :D

I was a bit confused as to why James used his ‘I’m serious and very business-like now’ attitude in front of Lily to remind her of their duties. It was an abrupt change in character, and I wondered why you don’t have explanation for it. Besides that, I absolutely love your characterization of Dumbledore! Most authors, I think, find it hard to portray him as he was in the books. He’s a very complex character and you wrote him convincingly! He was, at the same time, formal and. . . peculiar.

Over all, I’m very excited to see the next update, as I know you have a good, enjoyable plot to entertain me with. Good luck writing, Ariana! I’m very, very proud of you, and I hope you continue to excel in writing, school, and in life. :)

To use your phrase, ‘great, amazing, stupendous job, my friend!’ GO ARIANA! :D

p.s. Me, a genius? You must be off your rocker :p though I’m glad you love your title! I, too, love it!

Author's Response: Dinny Dinny Dinny! Firstly, thank you for the uber-long detailed review, I really wish my response would turn out to be just as long and just as amazing, but I don't think that's going to happen! :) I'm glad you liked the Marauder's camaraderie and Sirius--it's my favorite part of ALL to write! I'm so happy I could do it justice, at least in your eyes. I usually end up hating Lily in Marauder-era fics, too, at least in the beginning. I think it's because it's so easy to portray James's blatant love for her, but it's not always as easy to show her feelings behind the whole thing. I hope in the next chapter (which is in the queue as we speak!) she's a little easier to feel sympathetic to. James's "businessy" attitude wasn't so much "businessy," but more of his emerging sense of responsibility. He doesn't slack-off anymore (well, all right, he does, but not as much! ^.^) but he comes across as "Business/Serious" to Lily because she's not used to seeing this side of him. She has a set perception of him, and when it changes even slightly the whole thing is thrown out of whack in her mind :). Thank you, so, so much for reading and reviewing!! And thank you immensely for the title :D.

 

My Black Brother by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: He realises his brother was right.



Winner of Stage 2: Free Verse the Second Annual October Triathlon at Poetry Anyone. Nominated for a QSQ for Best Poetry.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 123 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/24/10 Updated: 10/25/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 08/26/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Natalie,

Truthfully, I don’t know where to begin. I’ve already expressed to you via AIM how much I loved this poem; so much that I printed it and taped it on my wall (where all things beautiful are on). I actually showed it to my sister and my mom, but I forgot that they’re not big fans of Potter and so they asked how I came to like such a racist poem. Also, they aren’t big fans of poetry either. Anyway, when I first opened the chapter, I knew that it would be another gorgeous poem, either about Regulus or Sirius. As I read through it, each line gave me chills. It raised goose bumps on my skin. This is, by far, my favourite poem from you.

I love how, in the beginning, it immediately referenced to the other brother. It made the poem focused and very much straight to the point. There wasn’t any “the wind was cold, the night was dark.” What I mean is that you introduced the reader to the point of the matter without any obstructions. I love how you began the poem by writing the expectations of them being born into a strict pureblood family and how their whole life has already been planned. Even with someone who isn’t familiar with how the Black family held their household, your words are very clear-cut and enlightening (to that someone). I’ve always admired those poems that despite being a riddle itself, it’s still strong and prominent. Yours is obviously one of those. I find the whole first stanza to be one of the most beautiful parts, especially these lines: “we were born into hate/ fed the victual of rancor/ blindfolded/ and poisoned.” Like I said, clear-cut and strong. It told me how they were raised. They grew up in a home where the most negative things to expose a child to was the most prevalent.

But then, we hear Regulus’ perspective. Although he denied nothing of what Sirius said, he stood by the name of his family and didn’t turn his back to it, unlike what Sirius had done. In four lines, you were able to summarize Regulus’ belief: that despite how wrong they are, blood is thicker than water. Knowing that by then, Sirius had left his family, I felt how Regulus understood this action as the birthright transferring to him. Besides not wanting to disappoint his parents, he really did want to see the family flourish. His pride for being a Black made him overlook the fact that this wasn’t how children was supposed to grow up to; he still recognized his house as his home. Maybe it’s just me and how I’m sentimental.

Then, oh my goodness, the next stanza is just amazing. “You, the black sheep –/ cheapened by your dare/ to be different,” I love how Regulus not only saw Sirius as the permanently rebellious sibling, but a Gryffindor. It’s like he saw it that he lived in a whole other universe. I think being sorted into Gryffindor really pushed Sirius into the direction his mind was already going to: pureblood supremacy is WRONG. Because of that, I think Regulus saw it as the last push that made Sirius pull away from his family – from Regulus. I loved the “you became nothing/ But a hole in the wall.” Despite that being actually literal, I loved the sentiment of it. ‘A hole in the wall’ is rather an apt description of someone who is very noticeable, and at times, an annoyance. I think Sirius fit the description very well (in my sentimental view). :D (Noticeable because I hear he’s very attractive).

“Yet, as I stand by this lake/ As I fragment,” I really love the ‘as I fragment’ line. I really, really love it. It’s sort of a goodbye. There was a certain tone to it that I believe he felt calm in accepting his end. My artistic~ mind actually imagined him literally fragmenting into the air. “Drinking in my faults/ My fallacies/ I see the truth.” Again with the acceptance. ‘Drinking in my faults’ is such a heartfelt line. It felt like he was drunk with the capacity of it, of how much he realized were his mistakes.

The last stanza is my favourite, most especially the last line. As Regulus finally saw the big picture, he saw his own person as well and how it wasn’t an existence worth living again. “This was my existence/ Passionless and colourless.” Okay, honestly, I could cry from that. His mind was so ingrained into raising his family into the ranks of society and saving his skin from making Voldemort mad that he didn’t get to live the life of a seventeen-year-old at all. His life was such a contrast to his brother’s. Where Sirius was very much alive and laughing, he was dead and quiet. The way you wrote his epiphany is wholly beautiful. “Verily I submerge to my end/ Blacker than you.” Like with your “Dreams of Green” poem, you couldn’t have ended this better. I mean, the last line was like that of a time bomb’s reaching its last second. I honestly don’t know what else to say but how I felt fully connected with Regulus here. “Blacker than you,” felt like the most important goodbye in the whole poem. It felt like he was saying that he still looked up to Sirius, forth-comings and all. He still loved him as his brother, because blood is thicker than water. It also felt like an apology. So there; an apology, a goodbye. I said earlier that there’s a tone to the poem. It felt much like how whispered wishes float along the riverbank – quiet, resigned, and humbling.

With your poems, I never seem to notice that it’s free verse until after I look through it (after reading the whole thing). There’s a certain beat to it; a novelty of your poems, I’m sure. As usual, the flow is stunning. I’d like to say it’s almost palpable. The beauty of the concept of your poems, not to mention the lyrical composition, will always be something I will be in pursuit with. Thank you for writing such a lovely, inspiring, beautiful poem, Natalie. Keep writing! :-)

-Dinny

Author's Response: DIINNNNNNYYY!

Racist poem! EEK! D: I didn’t mean it that way! I hope they listened to you when you explained lol.

Uhm. I truly don’t know how to respond to the rest of your review – one reason why I have been putting it off for ages. It makes me giddy with happiness because you have caught everything I was hoping the readers would catch. It’s the biggest compliment anyone could get. Your compliment about my free verse also makes me feel rather light-headed. : ) Although I don’t do rhymes, I do try and put some rhythm in there, so it’s wonderful to hear I succeeded. I love you very much, for this review and for everything else.

 

Promise Me by Sagen
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Andromeda Black has everything she has ever wanted; she is in love and soon to be married to Ted Tonks. However, her new-found happiness comes with a price, and she can’t help but wonder if she has made the right choice in leaving her family behind. As she starts her new life with Ted, will the future be a fairytale or the biggest mistake she has ever made?

A sequel to my story Stay With Me.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3613 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/02/10 Updated: 11/08/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 11/08/10 Title: Chapter 1: Promise Me

How sweet! Too fluffy for my taste, but sweet indeed, it was :) What a lovely story you've written here, Gen! Sorry I can't leave a much longer review - homework is finally burying me. Anyway, nice job! :D

Author's Response: It was a bit sweet wasn't, Dinny? But, I think we can get away with it. :P I'm very glad you like it!

 

Forever Entwined by lucca4
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary:

“Love and hate are such strong words, they also cause so much pain.”

From the first time Rose Weasley saw Scorpius Malfoy on the Hogwarts Express, she knew they were fated to be enemies. At least, that was the plan. But as the years went on, she found that it was easier said than done. The gap between who she was and who her family wanted her to be was always widening. Her life becomes a tangled web of mistakes and regrets as she finds herself drawn to the one boy she was told to hate, until finally she makes a choice. A choice that might have just lost her the only one who had always been there for her…

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 4091 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/02/10 Updated: 11/07/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 11/07/10 Title: Chapter 1: Forever Entwined

Dearest Ariana,

Do you how much I literally 'squee-ed' when I saw this? Here I was, innocently doing my essay homework that was assigned a month ago and due tomorrow, then I suddenly saw this - imagine my utter surprise (and ultimate delight, of course). Oh, friend, this was heart-achingly lovely. Bittersweet 'twas defined/ how beautiful like when the stars aligned! (I just said a poem, cor!) Anyway, I'm sorry I can't leave a very coherent review, and a SPEW-worthy one, but you see, if I would, my membership qualification would be questioned.

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. I like how Rose isn't sappy (it makes me feel like I'm her), and I LOOOOVE how Scorpius is shy and timid at first but kind. Then he all went opposite of it, but still kept that side of him. Then he went and became a Healer - which I think is sexy. Oh bleeding, sodding hell, I love this.

Thank you so much! I wish it wasn't so bittersweet, but then if it weren't, I probably wouldn't have loved it as much. A million and one thanks, Ariana (and a box of your favourite doughnuts, too).

One more thing: I LOVE THIS.

Author's Response: Dinny! Thank you for reviewing! :) Your review means so much to me. I am so, so glad that you ended up liking it--I had no idea how it was going to turn out, considering I've never written Scorpius/Rose before. I was afraid of making it too fluffy (though it sort of already is :D) if there was completely sweet and romantic and lacked the bitterness. I'm so happy you liked it anyway! And don't worry about ever leaving me a SPEW review--this one works just fine! xx Ariana

 

Doubt by lucca4
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Past Featured Story

In the midst of the war, the Marauders and Lily have joined the Order, resolute in their decision to fight for justice. But times are hard, and soon, even the strongest of loyalties begin to wear thin.

This is lucca4 of Gryffindor writing for the final in the MWPP class on the Beta Boards.

Nominated for a 2011 QSQ - Best Marauder era Story


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity

Word count: 3742 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/20/10 Updated: 12/20/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 03/09/11 Title: Chapter 1: Doubt

There isn’t much left to say that hasn’t been already said. Soraya, Bine, and Jess have mentioned more than adequately the effect your story had on your readers. So you should know that despite the not-so-flattering amount of reviews or reads you have, you have amazing, appreciative, very articulate, and intelligent readers (in which I hope I’m counted in that category :D).

Your characterization is ace. I bet you got an A++ in that MWPP finals. Sirius had that swaggering, careless attitude, but we all know that he’s a big softie which you made sure to show in those little snippets of him trying to cheer up Remus. Remus was a tired man (which he really is – most of the scenes in HBP involves him like that). He had that careful, calculating stance and he was still vulnerable to Sirius’s charm. I don’t mean it in a slash-y way, but in that close-friends way. He couldn’t not be cheered up by Sirius’s silly comebacks and answers. Peter was just. . . I really felt bad for him. That’s saying something since I can’t help but hate him without any second thoughts most of the time. It was especially depressing to know that he lost his girlfriend. I wonder if that ultimately broke his heart enough that it made his mind go in the other direction. James and Lily were sweet. They were so. . . I don’t know the right word to describe it. It’s just so them. It wasn’t merely James and Lily, but ‘James and Lily.’ Pretty vague, yes, but it’s hard to describe something close to perfection. Wouldn’t you agree?

I loved the scenes where they were each offered a place in the Voldemort’s circle. I think you chose the right Death Eaters to convince the Marauders and the right take of conversation between them. Rodolphus was undeniably smooth and offered it quite irresistibly. A gentleman by nature, but we all know he’s sadistic and twisted just like the most of them. The werewolf (I wonder if it was actually Greyback, but I doubt it) had the right amount of evasiveness for Remus; Enough to lure and enough information given. I think it shows that in the Dark Lord’s side, werewolves are put into their proper place as to how Voldemort sees it. A win-win situation for him—they eat as much as they like and they don’t get to live wizards. Severus was pretty convincing. I felt like he was a bit hostile at first since he never liked Peter (being the weak coward that he was), but I guess when dealing with Death Eater business, he has to deal with it accordingly. All of the Death Eaters were, I felt, very much in-character. Their actions fitted them well. I can’t say much of James an Lily’s Death Eaters but I like that there was at least a bit of action. :D

Overall, the whole concept was. . . intelligent. A story of one of the many troubles the Marauders and Lily faced in the war. The last paragraph was perfect – ending the story with realizations that made a friend guilty. Another lovely story. Great job, Ariana, keep writing some more! :)

Peace out.

-Dinny.

Author's Response: It was so nice to get this review from you, Dinny! I've missed our chats :). Thank you so much for taking the time to review this story. And it makes me so happy that you enjoyed it! I'm glad you liked the characterization, I was especially worried about Snape and Peter as they've always been a struggle to write. And yay for James *and* LilyI get what you mean, and I'm happy I could portray them as a couple like that. I'm glad you liked the overall concept, as well. Thanks so much, again! xx Ariana

 

Not Broken by lucca4
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary:

It’s Christmas 1998, but Susan Bones doesn’t feel like celebrating. The loss of both her best friend and her favorite aunt have created wounds that might never heal. But with the help from a most unlikely person, she may be able mend what has broken, and gain a little Christmas spirit as well.

This story is for Gen/Sagen for the Gryffindor Christmas Craziness Secret Swap! Have a wonderful Christmas, Gen!

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Situations

Word count: 1869 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/21/10 Updated: 12/21/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 03/06/11 Title: Chapter 1: Not Broken

Hello, Ariana!

At first, I thought the story would go into these little snippets where a smile and a quote basically changes their relationship. Then I found out it was just a light-hearted, sweet story. Which was good, because then I wouldn’t have to ask for more. . . which is a lie. Please write some more. D:

Susan was such a Hufflepuff – generous and kind. Well, not until a certain Slytherin passed her way, but that doesn’t count since it was just after the war and even a Hufflepuff isn’t that nave. She was convinced easily though. I mean, she quickly went to befriending from accusing and suspicious. Very unlike the usual I’ve read (code for Gryffindors), and that, my friend, is good. Her qualities are distinguished, clearly distinct from those of the other Houses. Her loss was nicely written, but I felt like it wasn’t enough in the following scenes. It was like she switched to a different world when she went out to buy trees. Or maybe that was the effect you were going for? Anyway, I loved her character – the way she was written, she was endearing, easy to love.

Theodore is a. . . mystery. I can’t honestly say what I think of him. He seems sort of detached at first, then passionate, then. . . I don’t know. . . fun? He seemed fun to be with. The story didn’t give away much about him. You meant the story to be light and gentle, and that was exactly how it went. The story was flowed naturally (I’m basing this on their character), and I loved their search for the perfect tree. I absolutely loved Susan’s admiration for imperfection – it reminded me of myself and my paintings. Theodore’s remarks obviously give off the ‘you’re-adorable’ look. I like how they just went with the flow and took advantage of the chance to be happy, even for a moment. Their kiss made me smile – it was fluffy, I admit, but sometimes I need that. It was a nice read. :)

But since you already started a story with a wonderful base, why not continue? I’m excited to know what else you would have come up with if it weren’t for pressure and limited time. You still have Theodore free in the fields and already have Susan in a cage. Now, you just have to find your bunny! :D This was a fun story; I enjoyed it along with all your stories. I hope you write more of this pairing!

-Dinny

Author's Response: DInny! Thank you so much for your review :). It makes me so happy to hear that you liked the story. I wasn't sure how it would turn out, since Gen's request was the first time I'd ever considered Susan and Theo together. I'm glad you liked Susan's character about the tree scene: the reason she fell for Theo that quickly and trusted him more easily than another character would have is that a) she likes to see the best in people, and b) he made her forget everything bad that had happened. He took away all that had hurt her and left her with nothing more than Christmas wishes, and that's the main reason she was so attracted to him and changed so much in that scene. I'd like to write them again in the future, but I've been busy and it's not really at the top of my priorities. Hopefully I'll have time this summer :). Thanks again! xx Ariana

 

Realisation by Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: In the midst of the falling snow and and bleak starry night, Hermione ponders Dumbledore's mission, Ron, and her heart. There's something lurking in the back of her mind, and it's high time she faced it.

Categories: Harry/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1733 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/21/10 Updated: 12/26/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 03/10/11 Title: Chapter 1: Realization

Hello there, Tina!

This was such a lovely story. I think the cold, rainy weather I’m having right now makes me more emotional so I really felt connected with Hermione. I love how this was written – a girl realizing how it was the other best friend she was in love with all along. Harry was perfectly oblivious and the state he was in was, I think, perfect. “Hermione knew that he had broken his heart to save Ginny, and that watching her dot was his way of making sure that she was okay, that he hadn’t broken his heart, or hers, for nothing. It was his temporary relief for all the hurt.”I completely adore those lines. It was just so very Harry, the quiet lover.

Hermione’s letter was beautiful. It was full of emotion, understanding, and hope. Her sentiments stayed true to her character. All in all, I just loved the whole story. I wished that there were more memories that you went back to, and more instances where it might have led her epiphany to be a bit more profound. It felt like there wasn’t enough for a reader to be convinced (I wasn’t convinced, sadly). But I enjoyed reading this, and I hope you continue to write more. Your writing deserves to shine through the site. You just need more plot bunnies to drive you there. :D Absolutely adored your story, Tina, and you should know that I don’t ship Harmony. I could probably count how many times I tried to read Harmony by my fingers.

Good luck!
-Dinny.

Author's Response: Hey there, Dinny! :) Thanks for the review, I'm really glad that you think it is a lovely story. I'm really glad that you like those lines, those were actually some of my most favourite in the entire story, as well, I"m glad that you like how they portrayed Harry. I'm also happy that you felt that Hermione's letter was true to her character, as that was one of the hardest things to do. Believe it or not, I went back and I read Realization again, and I totally get what you mean. There could have been more memories in the story to make it more realistic. While I am very proud of her logic, her memories could have been more developed. Your last little bit really made my day! I have never been exceptionally proud of my writing, and your words made me feel really great about it, and actually inspired me to work on a one-shot that has been in the works since September. As for the plot bunnies, they are there, but I need the time :P And I don't ship Harmony either, I hadn't read ANY until I wrote this :P Thanks so much for your review! ~TinaMaple

 

Of Weasleys and Malfoys by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Four moments from their life that brought them together.

This is Dinny's Christmas present for the 2010 Gryffindor Swap. And this is not what J.K.Rowling has been working on, no.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 3824 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/25/10 Updated: 12/27/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 12/28/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Okay, my review got cut :'( I'll start again.

Dearest Nat, thanks so much for writing this. I loved it! LOVED. IT. The characters acted as how I would have imagined them to, and the mini-plot flowed really well. This was such a lovely, sweet, and sexy (because Scorpius is sexy, yesss) read. Thoroughly enjoyed it, I did. And I'm not just saying that because it's christmas. Seriously.

Still can't believe this was written for me. Thank you so much :) Definitely one of my favourite christmas presents this year. Expect me to bother you soon about writing more Scorpius/Rose fics :D

*adds to favourites*

Author's Response: Dinny!

Did you have to try submitting this review nine times? Lol! I must have got at least 10 notifications. MNFF can get cranky.

I am happy you liked it. :) When I found out it was you and that it was your prompt, I just had to jump in, even though I am not a Gryff. I really do like writing this pairing, though, I am going the Scugo way now. D:

Hope you had a great Christmas, and wish you a Happy New Year!

~Natalie

 

Defiance by lucca4
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Past Featured Story

Nearly eighty years have passed since the Battle of Hogwarts, yet Padma Patil cannot banish the string of tragic memories from her mind. A part of her still holds onto them as a way to see the faces of those she has lost once more.

Her memories tell the story of a young woman too afraid to fight against Voldemort’s regime. Throughout her final year at Hogwarts, Padma had been forced to choose between defying the Death Eaters and keeping her loved ones safe. Her decision is one that will ultimately haunt her for the rest of her life.

Nominated for a 2011 QSQ - Best Dark/Angsty Story

I am lucca4 of Gryffindor and this is my final for the Missing Moments class on the MNFF Beta Boards.

** indicates a line taken directly from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pages 659-660

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 8656 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/26/10 Updated: 12/28/10


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 03/06/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hi there, Ariana! I’ve been meaning to leave a review for this story. Now I finally found the time to do it! :D So first of all, the introduction was a very nice opening. A theatrics of sorts, like how a movie opens in Hollywood norm, but I really did not expect Padma to sit through most of her life reliving that fateful May day. It just seems so heartbreaking.

Second, I thought it was simply perfect for you to pick the Patil sisters as your choice of main characters. Having almost the same ethnic background as them (‘almost’ because I’m not entirely sure which “clan” you belong to), it would be easy to channel your own culture to their story. But since I didn’t see much of that cultural side, I guess I could say I was only a tad bit disappointed.

Onto the first scene: It was great how you set up the atmosphere of it; the current thoughts going through Padma’s head and how the latest events affected her. It draws the reader in if not for the opening. The difference between the twins was already clearly seen: Padma being pragmatic Ravenclaw and Parvati being the headstrong Gryffindor. (Side note: Okay, I just remembered the movie doing them injustice. i.e. the twins being both in Gryffindor). Anyway, back to the story, Padma’s stress is. . . palpable. I’m sympathetic for her and I think that’s one of the reasons I found this story engaging. Terry’s visit was interesting – a first look at his character from your point of view. So he’s with the Gryffindors and is trying to convince Padma to join. Not much of depth, but it is only the first scene. The entrance to Hogwarts was heartbreaking, too. I can’t imagine a grown man looking at an 11 year old girl with enough malice that makes one’s neck grow cold. It illustrates the horrible situations of war.

Second scene: Still stressful, I see. It’s hard not to when the Carrows want you to write such an essay. It was a believable topic. I liked the situation in which Padma’s relationship with Mandy is. It keeps the environment of ‘school-and-the-problems-it-brings.’ It was something to balance the war that was going on, and added the reality of being a teenager. I thought the last part – the words she wrote in her essay – was brilliant. “—those who were strong enough to survive without magic.” Most adequate reason I’ve ever read to describe why a certain kind of wizards and witches hate muggles.

Third scene: Oh, that was a nice show of characterization for Padma. It was like backing down from a promise one makes when he was drunk and just utterly careless and free. And her realization of Terry’s small victory was a lovely addition. It was a simple sentence showing her insight about it. It was almost like she was envious of not having that sort of feeling when you win – when you make yourself proud.

So the story goes with more pressure coming from her housemates. About that scene with Terry in the common room, I thought it was a bit strange. I mean, they dated (or perhaps just tried one date?), they broke it off, and reaching that topic was. . . uncomfortable. I didn’t feel like Padma was uncomfortable with it so I guessed she was truly over it. . . or she was just really relaxed. I’m confusing myself. What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t get a clear reaction from Padma about what she thought about her conversation with Terry. And that made the interpretation to be rather ambiguous for me. Adding to the suspense, maybe?

When Parvati left Padma with ‘take care,’ I felt goosebumps. I mean, I’d feel terrified if my sister left to hide somewhere in the castle without any understanding of how it was going to be for her. I liked how Parvati’s acts continually revert back to Padma’s – she keeps on berating herself on how she could never be as brave. It showed admiration between sisters.

The stunt with Carrow – a nice description would be: ‘one of Padma’s drunken moments.’ A bold move, that one. Can’t pretend I was impressed and expected it at the same time.

And now to the Battle Scene! Desperation was there, all right, and the thoughts of ‘who would it be’ running through every mind. Parvati’s insistence of going away was heartbreaking (yes, that word again). Even I can sense there was something wrong, and you kept the suspense going. And then I find out Terry’s dead. (At this point, I really want to go caps and say ‘how could you?!’ with never-ending exclamation points) Casualties of war – I hate that.

I really didn’t want to cry. It’s just not my thing, but that resolve broke down when I reached the ending. Her sadness, her ache, it was. . . inspiring. To hope for life to just end to see the people you love, it’s touching but I felt like I wanted to hit her on the head. I mean, no one bothered to even poke her to no end about moving on? Padma hid behind the darkness that she could now only see, and the thought of that with those bittersweet memories lurking in her mind. . . it’s beautiful. Sort of twisted to say, maybe, but emotions are like the splattered colors on a palette, and the right mixtures always move an art admirer to somewhere the painter has been. It was a lovely read, Ariana, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thank you for writing this story, and I hope you get a move on with your marauder fic. :D

Peace out.

-Dinny.

Author's Response: Yay for epically long reviews! Thank you so much for reviewing this, Dinny! :) I'm glad you liked it, overall. I didn't mean for this to turn out to be such a sad story, but it just sort of unfolded that way if you know what I mean. I would have added more cultural-ness, but to be honest I don't feel confident that I would get everything right, and I was just too scared I would mess something up and that would take away from the story. Her conversation with Terry wasn't uncomfortable because underneath their relationship was a really deep friendshipI think it's important for friendship to be the root of many romantic relationships because it seems to give depth to it. Anyway, they were both still comfortable around each other (when Terry wasn't trying to "convert" her :)), because of the underlying friendship. I'm so, so happy you liked it, Dinny! It means so much to me. I've written another chapter of the Marauder fic but I'm trying to write more so I can bank up on them before I post :). xx Ariana PS, thank you for the gorgeously beautiful banner for this story!

 

Honest to the Bone by minnabird
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Now that Susan has left Hogwarts for good, her mother thinks it’s time that she reconnected with the Muggle relatives whom she has neglected since she started school. Susan decides that her favorite cousin from her childhood, Georgy, is the best place to start.

At first, Susan is nervous and uncertain, but things begin to seem the same as ever, even though it’s been years since the two girls have met up. However, there are still many things that Georgy doesn’t know about Susan’s life.

For once, Susan decides to tell the truth.

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity

Word count: 2772 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/01/11 Updated: 03/07/11


Reviewer: Evora Signed
Date: 03/07/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hey Minna!

How you wrote Susan’s nervousness, I expected Georgy to be a secret follower of Voldemort. It was that nicely written. Overall, I enjoyed reading the story since I’ve always been interested in ‘I’m-going-to-tell-them-about-magic’ situations, but I’ve got a few crits to say. :D

Characterisation – Susan was there, but I didn’t really felt like she was in there. She was present in the whole story and practically dominated it, but as the plot went to introduce Georgy physically, there was something missing. It seemed like Susan was. . . a bit numb. Not entirely, of course, but there wasn’t enough thoughts from her to describe how she truly felt. I mean, speaking about events you first-handedly experience upfront, it’s hard not to pass through some of those moments when you talk about it. Don’t get me wrong – I liked Susan’s characterization; it was just that at some parts, there wasn’t enough from her.

I loved Georgy and her little quirks and peeves. It made her more realistic. The way she acted was of pure ‘ignorance is bliss.’ Sometimes, I thought how Susan wasn’t jealous of that – but then I remembered Susan was a hardcore Hufflepuff (at least, from what I see in her here). Georgy was a lovely character. I would have loved the story to continue on after she got hot chocolate, just to know more about her life. She’s genuinely charismatic and very polite. Also, I like those remarks pertaining to Susan’s mum. It tells us about Susan’s relationship with her and how the family goes. Too bad Dad wasn’t mentioned.

Susan laughed suddenly. “I missed this,” she confessed. “It’s been – Merlin, how many years since we did this? Three? Four? And it’s the same as ever, somehow.” Georgy narrowed her eyes meaningfully, not to be distracted by Susan’s change of subject, sincere as it had been.

A wee bit nitpick: she used the ‘Merlin!’ phrase, and I just thought how it was a bit weird that Georgy wasn’t suspicious of Susan’s choice of words.

All the time I was reading this, I wondered where you were going with the story. I honestly didn’t know how you were going to end it. But I liked the ending – a bond between cousins, whom you have spent your early lives with, which will last against man’s greatest enemy: time. The easy, comfortable aura between them was familiar – even to me, and not just because Susan felt it. However, I think the story would have been polished if there were more details added. Like more thoughts from Susan about the war, or memories with Georgy from her childhood. Maybe a sentence or two about Susan’s friends.

But like I said, I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for writing this, and goodluck, Minna! :D

-Dinny

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. You're totally right with your crits, Dinny. Characterization - I definitely agree Susan was a bit numb here. I should probably work on that in the future, lol. Georgy was fun to write though - she's one of the few characters I've ever written that just burst into the story fully formed and probably stolen the show. And I think Susa n is a bit jealous of her, but it just sort of underscores the difference between their lives. And I really should mention Susan's dad at some point, lol. Definitely in Weird and Wonderful Facts I will. On "Merlin" - I think I argued with Lauren because I originally used God there and neither of us even thought that with it changed to Merlin Georgy would totally comment. -headdesk- And I seem to be having trouble in my Susan fics with adding all the details I want to. I want to include all the people in her life, but somehow I don't have room or something. I need to work on that, too. I'm glad that for all its faults you enjoyed this in the end, and thanks so much for your comments, Dinny.

 
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