ouch...:( You've created powerful image here, and in a way I'm kind of glad that they didn't end up together. I love the idea of Tonks + Remus scratched into the wood as well...A really well written one-shot. I'll check out the song too!
*waves sheepishly at Chloe* I’m so sorry! I should have reviewed this *ages* ago! *hides*
This first chapter was fantastic; I love your characterisation of Draco – you’ve portrayed his views about Dumbledore and confusion of events that have happened, really clearly and well.
The fool had sweetened up his words, confusing him. He would have done it. He just needed more time.
I like his tone here, as if he’s trying to convince himself that he WOULD have done it, though I think deep down even Draco probably realises that he wouldn’t have. I think that this part is extremely IC and ties in so well with the bit we know in HBP where Draco is convincing himself (on the tower) that he has Dumbledore at his mercy and is a ‘killer’.
The face of Bellatrix Lestrange stared back at Draco, eyes clouded over with death. This line is so deadly – it’s almost as if Bellatrix herself represents death; which in a way, I suppose she does! The context that its positioned really gives eeriness to the scene. Well done.
I loved the way that Draco thought “Bloody Hell” on being nearly-avadaed. It made me laugh and it sounds like the cynical sort of thing that he’d say.
I must be the luckiest person alive, thought Draco. He hit a butterfly with that curse and not me. Play dead, play dead, play dead.
This idea was simply – wow – amazing. Using something as tiny as a butterfly as the example emphasises just how lucky Draco is. I like how Draco at first tries to move/get up, but then realises what has happened. The repetition of ‘play’ dead, I felt, was very effective. It almost sounded like a mantra that Draco was whispering in his head to calm himself down, breathe slowly, lie still, play dead etc.
Anyway, fantastic first chapter!
Ooh this was quite a surprising chapter to read – very different from the last one, but I suppose it keeps the suspense going about Draco. I love the flashbacks here, they’re all very relevant (as insights into how events link into the story), very realistic and very vivid.
The descriptions of Harry are rather shocking, but no less than how we’d expect Harry to react really. After a while Harry got so worried he started to avoid life. He stayed up well into the night working on the tiniest of leads, barely ate, and adopted a melancholy, far away disposition.
This part about Harry avoiding ‘life’ sums it all up really. It sounds like Harry is doing absolutely everything that he possibly can to win the war, but in doing so he is losing touch a bit with reality. The part after this, comparing Harry to a ghost, was chilling.
Did you hear me? Harry gave up Quidditch,” said Ron, enunciating every syllable
Your ‘comparisons’, like the one about the butterfly in chapter 1, are wonderful. This line really brought home exactly how much Harry had changed. Even at Hogwarts he always made time for Quidditch. Quidditch was his passion and something that kept him sane. Giving up Quidditch really allows us to see how desperate Harry is. Wow.
That said, I also like the way that some things haven’t changed (or don’t seem to have changed…) For example, Luna seems just as ‘random’ as she was before, which is a good thing! It’s nice to keep some lightheartedness here as well – I wonder where Luna is taking Hermione…hmm.
“He won’t die. Not before he sees the truth.”
Wow. That line – wow. I’m not sure if it’s hopeful or not, but it says a lot. It’s not ensuring that Harry won’t die or anything, so Hermione isn’t ensuing any false hope, but she’s ensuring that Ginny will have another chance with Harry. And I hope that she’s right.
This fic is fantastic so far, very intriguing and I’m really looking forward to reading more. *hopes that the writer’s block will go away soon*
teeheehee...this is really good! Hope you write more equally amusing stuff! :p
Author's Response: I\'m working on writing more but I don\'t know if I\'ll have any more comedies for a while. The other ones seem to be going off in other directions. Glad you liked this one! Thanks much- Daisy
This poem is wonderfully written; really powerful and emotional. It brings across its message well. *sniff* Well done :)
Wow! A really original idea, and you've told the story really well! *awws for Harry and Ginny* I love the fluff most of all!
It's strange that it took Dave so long to catch on about Molly being Ginny..the clues were rather obvious :p Though then again, he was in shock...
A great story!
Author's Response: Yeah, the clues were really obvious, but if I was in that position, I don\'t think I\'d believe it either. I\'d be absolutely certain that it was all a prank of some sort, so I had to make him a little slow to believe. Anyway, thank you for the kind review. I love fluff too, by the way!
Wow! Great first chapter! I love where this is going, and it was a really great idea to bring in Luna's mum too...keep going and update soon!
*squees* *huggles* *sprays HURRAH mist* :D
I really like the little details that you've added to this, especially the ending. I felt that Peter's character was a lot more realistic, and the whole situation even more 'anger-filled' and 'fiery' (pun unintended lol) than before.
Keep up the good work!!! :D
*comes in and apologises to everyone as she takes so long to beta*
*keeps fingers and toes crossed*
Woo Hurrah for Pondering!! Great chapter...
Can't wait to beta more :p
Your crazy beta Suzie xox
Author's Response: Thanks for your help. :)
*fingers crossed* please please please...
Author's Response: *crosses her fingers and chants in time*
...and so do I... *ponders to Pondering about her beta skills*
Yay it's up! I love the second part of this chapter, the mysterious imagery is really good! *looks forward to next chapter...*
Author's Response: Glad you liked the second part. :) I love writing about the veil, it\'s easier to write, than say, battle scenes, hehe.
Awww this is such a cute fic. I only really understod it right at the end, but it was so beautiful all the way through. I loved the descirption you but in, it created a really soft and calming atmosphere. And the best parts were th 'for what its worth...' *sniff*
Wow... congratulations on being nominated for QSQs...and I think you really deserve it!
The story so far is incredibly chilling and draws the reader in more and more with every development.
I like the way that you have moved the plot along, as well as slowly allowing the reader to find out more about what has happened to the Trio etc.
A couple of nitpicks... about 3/4 way through: “What the hell are doing, Potter?”
I think "you" should be between the 'are' and 'doing'.
Another thing, be careful about Americanisms in the text, especially spelling. British spellings should be things like "colour" instead of color. You can set the dictionary to British Spelling if you are typing using Word.
Update soon, this is looking really good! :D
And sadly, I do not ship Voldemort/Harry.
*disappointed pout* Oh.....lol
I loved this fic! Very original and very funny, especially the bits about Voldemort's birthday presents! A great humor fic.
Author's Response: Thank you! I think my muse was drunk when she came up with this one!
Omigosh! I LOVED 'Message in a bottle'...and hadn't realised that there was a prequel at all! *feels stupid*
Tis is a great 'starting' chapter. I like the way that Petunia is portrayed, she still seems moderately nice in this, though you've foreshadowed the growing distance between her and Lily very well. I also like Malfoy's character a lot; exactly an older Draco!
And *confuzzled slightly* I've seen this in a lot of fics, is Remus' father ACTUALLY a healer in canon do we know?
Author's Response: I\'m glad that you found my sequel :). I had totally forgotten that I had said that Mr. Lupin was a healer, and actually contradicted myself later on, so I have changed him to just plain \'Mr.\' And anyway, the great thing about fanfic is that if Rowling doesn\'t tell us what profession a person has, we can make it up! So the Lupins and the Potters and anyone else we want to add can be whoever we want them to.... to some extent.
I am LOVING Sirius! The way that he is written is great!!!
I'm not sure about James, he's made out to be a bit 'Slytherin'ish isn't he? I wonder why that is... *goes to read more*
Author's Response: I\'m glad you like Sirius! I like to think of him as a very playful guy so that\'s the point I want to get across. ....As to James. I am basing this story a little bit off of Pride and Prejudice. So if you know that story it will help out a bit. James is a snooty brat at the beginning and he thinks that just because he is a Potter he should get special treatment. He does not however look down on muggleblood. I wanted to convey a distinct difference between James\' view and those of a Slytherin, which is why I added Peter\'s comments (not that he is a Slytherin, but his questions showed what James meant.) Anyway, if you\'ve seen/read Pride and Prejudice you should know that everyone hates Darcy at the beginning because he is being a total snob.... but if you aren\'t madly in love with him by the end there is something seriously wrong with you :)
Great end to the chapter! :) And I really like Alice, I wonder which house you're going to put her in!
Am curious about Mcgonagall too, how come James knows her?
Author's Response: As to Alice, I suppose you have that figured out already. The whole McGonagall thing is nothing really special. She just visited James\' parents at the manor so she has met James and Sirius on several occasions.
Well done in being nominated for QSQs! :)
I really like the way that the two parts of this poe interact. It's almost like reading a double poem. The underlying situation passes gradually and yet is noticeable. The last lines in particular are really effective.
This is an interesting way of portraying Snape, and I really enjoyed reading it. :)
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I am quite anxious for the winners to be announced in the coming weeks. I am so glad you enjoyed reading this. My favorite part was coming up with the underlying emotions. Choosing the right words to go along with the actions in the stanzas was difficult at times. Thanks for taking the time to review! I appreciate it!