That was very different to anything else that I've read! Very refreshing too! I love the way that it starts off my allowing us to believe that the two of them actually hate each other. My favourite part is –
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Poetry is annoying,
And so are you."
It seems so childish and yet so “Malfoy” at the same time. Great poem! I’ll be sure to check out your other stuff!
Author's Response: Thanks! As a devoted D/Hr shipper, I think I had more fun writing this than just about anything else- I love it when they bicker like six year olds. *grins sheepishly* And that really is my favorite part too. Thanks again!
Aww thats really nice! This is the first Hermione/Krum thing I've read and its really good!
Author's Response: I\'m really glad you liked it; I have one more work in progress that you might like to view sometime - Intriguing. this one is handy, though, and thank you for the review.
Yay! Thanks for updating so soon! Can't wait to read this chapter....*squee!!!*
Author's Response: dont thank me, thank my beta! *squee*
*hopes chapter is validated sooon...* :D
Don't know why reading that chapter title just made me go (in my head, obviously) "Turn and face the strange ch-ch-changes, Don't want to be a richer man...Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes"
*wanders off humming*
Author's Response: LMFAO!! I am so trying not to laugh out loud. Its gone midnight, the parents are trying to sleep... Anyway. I hope it gets up too! I have two beautiful betas who do wonders with my obsession with commas, so *hopefully* this chapter isn\'t in too bad.
This is the first of your work that I've read and I'm so glad I stopped to read it!
This first chapter sounds really promising, and I can't wait to read the rest!
It sounds like a really good intro, and I really enjoyed the way that you've portrayed each character. It's very JK-ish! Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: WOW! Thank you! JK-ish? i dont know about that but thanks!!!! *Squee*
Cool chapter yet again...will go read the rest. I hope we find out more about Voldemort and the Order in the next chapter!
Author's Response: thank you!
I really like this version of the story! I hope it continues this way! :D
I'm really glad that Harry has told Remus now, and I also think that you've gotten Remus' character spot on. I loved the bit where Harry saw that Remus had confidence in him..awww
One of my fave lines in this chappy has got to be 'he looked strangely like a red headed, freckled fish out of water' ...made me laugh!!
There was just a little bit near the start where they are having breakfast that I thought got a bit to repetitive...but the rest of it was great! :D (and I love the idea of Bill's present..)
Author's Response: I think I came up with that line when I was on a suger high or something....lol. I have to admit I had loads of help with all the preasents, so that was all me.
Wooo! Brilliant chapter! *grin* Can't wait to find out more about Asher, and again, I tink you've got the balance between humour/romance and darker plot progressions just right. Off to read the next chapter now!
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'m glad I got the balance right, I was starting to think things were getting too fluffy! Lisa xxx
*sniff* A beautiful chapter! Probably the best so far. I loved the description and the lead-up to Harry seeing the house. Like I keep saying, its kind of JK-ish!
Author's Response: JK-ish? Well, I really don\'t know about that...but thanks anyway! Ahhh, descriptions...my favourite part of writing...Lisa xxx
Lisa! *huggles* Sorry it’s taken me so long to get round to reviewing! *mumbles comprehendible excuses*
Now, *puts on reviewing hat* This chapter, like all your chapters, was fabulously written. The smooth flow between scenes and the exceptional characterisation stood out to me.
I love Asher more and more in each chapter, and I’ve really seen her develop in these past chapters (and in How Long) into a character with a lot more depth to her to include her past. I like her fiery temper, and also her nice sides; you’ve contrasted the two well. One of my favourite parts about her is her attitude towards Charlie. I really like where that’s going!
They, in an odd sort of way, reminded him of Ron and Hermione in an argument. *giggle* I think this is hinting at something, is it not? And also with the part of Molly watching the two of them argue but treating it like a joke…You’ve made the arguments quite plausible and the atmospheres in them are always so intense. I love Charlie’s character; it’s a shame we don’t see much of him in canon…I don’t know why but I’ve always loved Charlie!!
I love the little hints that you dropped about Asher. I have to admit, I sneaked a peek at your reviews for the next chapter by mistake, so it kind of spoiled the story for me! *pout* But I think I would have guessed from the hints…good job!
Tonks also, is very well characterised. You’ve defined a clear balance between Serious!Tonks and Jokey!Tonks. Harry shook his head inwardly at how she could change from serious Auror-Tonks to the Tonks that falls over umbrella stands in so little time. I really like this little comparison, it shows how different the two parts of Tonks are – almost in a contradictory way, as Aurors shouldn’t really be knocking over umbrella stands, but obviously, Tonks can!
I love the way that Remus (as a joke) calls Tonks “Nymphy”. It sounds so random and funny!! You make me sound like a…a fairy! *giggles* When I first read this, I misread it and thought that it was Remus speaking. So I was in hysterics. But Tonks saying it is just as funny! It’s so good to see humour in a serious story. :)
Well, that’s what the Minister thinks, anyway, and unfortunately, when you have that much power under your belt, what you say goes. It makes sense that the Ministry under Scrimgeour would be more stringent than the Ministry under Fudge. It’s nice to see that you’ve incorporated some of this in here, and in doing so, showing that not every event in a story can favour the protagonist. It makes the plot so much more interesting. Now, I wonder why Harry needs so much information? It wouldn’t help him with the Horcrux search, would it?
The world needs to stay positive at times like these. Keep up the Marauders name; make your dad and Sirius proud.” What a lovely and thoughtful thing for Remus to say! Remus is probably one of the only people that Harry would listen to on subjects like this, and I’m glad that he’s taken the opportunity to talk to Harry. I hope we see some more jokes and stuff when Harry’s at Hogwarts, and that they DO stay positive!
“And keep your hands to yourself,” added Charlie. To refrain from using text language…. *Suzie falls off her chair and rolls on the floor laughing out loud*. Brilliant line. Heh.
“Oh, how pathetic; it seems the Ferret has been replaced already,” shot Ginny, with contemptuous eyes….
Blaise surveyed him with distasteful eyes for a long minute. “At least I’ll get out of it alive.”
You’ve followed up the first sentence really well with the next part. It was more or less exactly what I was thinking! It’s quite sad really that the status thing at Hogwarts is more or less one messy circle. Draco has gone, but straight away Blaise has stepped in to fill his shoes. It’s as if the enmity between the houses can never end, and is too strong a hatred to break. The “At least I’ll get out of it alive” was really chilling to me. Like a sort of ominous warning, as if Blaise knows more than the Trio of who lives/dies. I think that in a way, Blaise must be feeling quite lucky that he isn’t Harry at this moment; he isn’t a target. Great line anyway. :)
Now for some concrit and nitpickingness:-
Molly rushed up to them. “Now, are you sure you have everything, dears — all your robes, books, and equipment? Have you got clean underwear, Ginny?” As much as this line made me laugh, I don’t think it’s really IC for Molly to say. Although she can be an embarrassing mother sometimes, I don’t think she would ever subject her only daughter so this humiliation. Possibly to Ron or somebody, in reference to socks, etc., but talking about girls’ underwear seems a bit too intrusive and personal.
“Ron and Hermione have already got a compartment. They’re sharing with another girl, Luna I think he name was.” The last part should be “…the name was…” :)
By going against You-Know-Who, you’ve made some serious enemies. You shouldn’t have taken sides… I felt that this line was a bit of a contradiction for Blaise. Blaise has just indicated that: “Malfoy was an idiot to get himself caught up in that Death Eater crap” and now he taunting Harry for going against Voldemort. Are you trying to say that Blaise isn’t taking sides, so is technically neutral in the war? If so, I think that this should be made a bit clearer, maybe by balancing out the argument a bit. I.e. Blaise isn’t going against Voldemort OR the Order, he’s just staying out of it completely.
Apart from that, fantastic chapter dear! *hugs* I loved the last line too… A Hogwarts without Albus Dumbledore. So many capitals in one short sentence, sounds so *sob* final.
I’m going to go off and revise now but will be back to R&R the next chapter soon! ~Suzie xx
Ohmygosh *dies* What a review! That has to be the most thought out and LONG reviews I have ever seen *squees*. Thank you!
Okay. First off, you have no idea how much it makes me happy when people mention that characterisation is good. Its one thing I really worry about, and I get to hyper when I get a review that makes me think “Yeah…maybe I did get this right!”
Yay, she likes Asher! Asher does have an awful lot of back-story, and it’s so weird, because I got it all so stuck into my head all that I know about her, what her childhood, Hogwarts and post-Hogwarts day were like, I kind of forget that other people don’t know all that, you know? Lol. Kinda bad thing for an Author to say “Whoops, forgot to tell you about that, I thought you knew!” but there you are.
I’ve always been curious about Charlie. I mean, we haven’t seen much of him, have we? So I thought I’d bring him more into this story, though that didn’t exactly work seeing this will be a mostly Harry-POV story and there are only a certain amount of time Harry can spent with Charlie in a year. Lol. Hyeh hyeh hyeh. *innocent face* of course that doesn’t MEAN anything.
Tonks, Tonks, Tonks…well, I was never sure that I got her very cannon, but I like how she came out in this story. And anyway, you don’t really get a HUGE amout of detail about her, as she’s only erally in the first half of OotP, and then is all depressed!Tonks for most of HBP.
Hahaha. I thought of the “nymphy” thing after I get a review off someone saying they didn’t think that Remus wouldn’t appreciate being called “Remey”, and that he would probably tell her to stop (in a polite way, of course). Lol. And Remus is, of course, a Marauder at heart! *howls with laughter* You have no idea how much I laughed when you said you miss-read the “like-a-fairy” thing.
Scrimgeour was once Head Auror, or something of the sort, so I don’t think he’d ever let Voldemort take away his ministry without a good fight. Well…Harry can’t have everything g his way, now can he? Well, he could, but that wouldn’t be very interesting. The story would just go BAM! Horcruxes gone. BAM! Voldie gone. BAM! Lets have a party!
Ahem. Hmmmm…Horcruxes, you say? Uh…maybe? :D
Haha! What can I say? I have a soft spot for ol’ Moony! He really comes across as a father figure to me, and a potentially very close friend of Harry’s, so…yeah. I had to have him say that! It just seemed right for that moment ;)
*snort* couldn’t resist having the Weasley brothers having one last…ahem…”Talk” with Harry before they left!
Hogwarts “House Unity” is something that really got me thinking, and it will come up several times in this story. Theres a clue near the end of this chapter, after a certain Characters arrival (not saying which one, could be OC, could be cannon hehe). It really got me interested in how other houses work with eachother, how they’d handle things if they had to work together. Weather prejudices could be put aside for a while.
Blaise is a strange one. He seems to be the usual Slytherin material, but doesn’t seem to like Draco in any sort of way. He isn’t what you could call a friend (from what I can tell), He never seemed to admire Draco. He just hung around with Slytherins his own age because…that’s what was expected of him? I don’t know. But he’s a very interesting character.
On to the nitpicks!
HAHAHA. I had so totally forgotten about that line. Yes…I see what you mean… bit too personal for her to say in front of everyone. Now…who would get some serious enjoyment from taking the mickey out of Ginny, in front of Harry Potter no less…hmmm…
Well Blaise was supposed to come across as neutral…maybe that didn’t come across as much as I thought it did. I’ll re write parts of that conversation ASAP to make it clearer. But Blaise, being the typical Slytherin he is, wouldn’t really care if Harry got hurt. By saying those things to Harry, he’s just trying to scare him, trying to make him nervous about the danger he is in.
Thank you again for such a fantastic review, Suzie! It means so much!
Omigosh a cliffiie! Please update soon!
I love the little ideas in this chapter, especially the thing about enchanted falmes; it would explain a lot about how Dumbledore injured his hand. The emotion shown by Harry in this chapter is also extremely realistic, as going back to places that he had suffered must be very difficult.
Loved Lily and James' rings too...*cute*
Author's Response: When I was writing this chapter, I has hardly planned it, especially the enchanted flames. I just got a picture of the house of gaunt in my head and for some reason the frieplace just stood out for me. So, thats just what...happened. LOL. I will update, as soon as my beta is done *checks email for sixtieth time* Thanks for the review! *waves* Lisa xxx
Don't have a fave quote this time, as I've only read the chapter once, but have a fave 'bit', where you're describing the dawn, thought that was really warm and beautiful! Kind of shows that even though Voldy-poo's back, the sky doesn't suddenly go dark...woo!
There are quite a few spelling mistakes/grammatical errors in the first part of the chapter that you might want to correct....I won't list, as you won't be able to find them anyway...
I'm off to read the next few chappys, can't wait to find out more about the woman that Harry helped...was she L/J's friend? And does she have something to hide?
Nice to see subtle progressions in the Harry/Ginny field too! Woooo!
Great story...keep going! :D
Author's Response: Wow, this must be he only thing I have ever done that is subtle... and I\'ll would go check those errors, but I am going away this evening, so I dont have time :(
I'm SO glad the next chapter is up! I would have screamed if it wasn't lol...clifffiiiieeee
Me wonders if the woman is Remus' ex, or same woman as Diagon Alley woman or something...though Harry would have recognised her if that was the case...*gets confuzzled*
And...lets out massive AWWWWWWWW for HARRY AND GINNY !! WOOOO!!! *whups, got overexcited again* It was so cute though...and Tonks was really funny for trying to get them together. I love that song, 'Things I'll never say'...not heard of the other two but will probably check them out.
ooh before I forget: fave quote: 'I don’t care how long it takes, a week, a month, a year, twenty years. I’ll wait. '
Thought that was especially cute.
Will now go read the next chappy, coz I can't wait! This story is brill!
Author's Response: LOL, sorry to drop it on you, but the next chapter isnt up...sorry! haha. AWW I know, i just had to go all fluffy...ahwell. And DO check out those songs, especially (sp?) Lifehouse...THEY ROCK! hehe...
Author's Response: hmm...a little help for your theory .... \"Harry had seen this woman before; she was the woman who had been trapped under a beam in Diagon Ally. The woman who said she used to know his parents…he would have to talk to her later\" ...hmm...and about the remus thing...well, he did know her very well. Thats all I\'m saying. *clamps mouth shut*
noooo...there was me reading through the whole story and thinking this chapter was up too...:( I hope it gets moderated soon...can't wait to see what happens!
Author's Response: HAHAHAH! told you...lol. And than for this reviewing every chapter- i love it!
Really good chapter! And an interesting bit by Hermione at the end. I too, think that there is a lot more to the 'why Dumbledore trusts Snape' theory than it seems and this appears to be a really well thought out theory....and quite probably too..hmm lol Off to read the next chappy!
Author's Response: Thank you for keeping up with me!
This is my absolute \"pet theory\", and I believe I can back this up with canon from all six books *and* interviews with Jo. :P If you\'re interested in hearing the debate, hit me over on my LJ. :)
Is this finished? I hope not...*hopes to see some kind of Harry/Snape reconciliation* Though I think I'm hoping too much there!
Some really good ideas here though, I like the way Harry is getting facts from the portrait, though knowing DD he'd probably speak in riddles more and get Harry to think for himself!
Hope you keep writing anyway! :)
Author's Response: I just uploaded chapters 3 and 4, which are a combined chapter on MNFF due to length requirements. But after the end of chpater 4, this particular story is over. ;)
However, never fear, I am actually writing a MUCH longer WIP which has most of the original scene (Snape at GH) from Snape\'s POV. Although it is nearly indistinguishable. I\'m a dork. :P \"Trust\" is basically an AU of a chapter of my own fic, how\'s that?! haha
You have a very strong point about Dumbledore, however, he was fairly straightforward in HBP. I think he gave up on Harry thinking for himself, since Harry seems to do so little of that sometimes. *sigh*
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
*has a rather strange story*
I came across this whilst browsing the Slyth master ficlist, and thought I'd read it... got to the end of chapter 1 and experienced the weirdest sense of deja vu. Went to the reviews for C1 and C2 to find 2 reviews by myself from yonks ago..lol
Just as before, I really like this story, and this theory; especially that little memory about "Pier".
I don't think I'd read the last chapter(s) but I think C4 is probably my favourite out of the lot. I really like the way that you've sort of brought Snape and Harry together; and yet at the same time emphasised their differences. I also like the little bits of dry humour here and there, they seemed both appropriate and funny!
Does this have a sequel?
Author's Response: Heh. I\'m glad you liked the story. I liked the \"Pier\" thing, too - and Snape totally didn\'t catch it. :P There\'s not a sequel, per se, but this snippet will be told from Snape\'s POV in my Epic WIP O\' Doom (tm). This is actually an AU offshoot of my own WIP (how much of a dork am *I*?) because in the \"regular\" story, they don\'t actually meet up.
ouch...:( You've created powerful image here, and in a way I'm kind of glad that they didn't end up together. I love the idea of Tonks + Remus scratched into the wood as well...A really well written one-shot. I'll check out the song too!
*waves sheepishly at Chloe* I’m so sorry! I should have reviewed this *ages* ago! *hides*
This first chapter was fantastic; I love your characterisation of Draco – you’ve portrayed his views about Dumbledore and confusion of events that have happened, really clearly and well.
The fool had sweetened up his words, confusing him. He would have done it. He just needed more time.
I like his tone here, as if he’s trying to convince himself that he WOULD have done it, though I think deep down even Draco probably realises that he wouldn’t have. I think that this part is extremely IC and ties in so well with the bit we know in HBP where Draco is convincing himself (on the tower) that he has Dumbledore at his mercy and is a ‘killer’.
The face of Bellatrix Lestrange stared back at Draco, eyes clouded over with death. This line is so deadly – it’s almost as if Bellatrix herself represents death; which in a way, I suppose she does! The context that its positioned really gives eeriness to the scene. Well done.
I loved the way that Draco thought “Bloody Hell” on being nearly-avadaed. It made me laugh and it sounds like the cynical sort of thing that he’d say.
I must be the luckiest person alive, thought Draco. He hit a butterfly with that curse and not me. Play dead, play dead, play dead.
This idea was simply – wow – amazing. Using something as tiny as a butterfly as the example emphasises just how lucky Draco is. I like how Draco at first tries to move/get up, but then realises what has happened. The repetition of ‘play’ dead, I felt, was very effective. It almost sounded like a mantra that Draco was whispering in his head to calm himself down, breathe slowly, lie still, play dead etc.
Anyway, fantastic first chapter!
Ooh this was quite a surprising chapter to read – very different from the last one, but I suppose it keeps the suspense going about Draco. I love the flashbacks here, they’re all very relevant (as insights into how events link into the story), very realistic and very vivid.
The descriptions of Harry are rather shocking, but no less than how we’d expect Harry to react really. After a while Harry got so worried he started to avoid life. He stayed up well into the night working on the tiniest of leads, barely ate, and adopted a melancholy, far away disposition.
This part about Harry avoiding ‘life’ sums it all up really. It sounds like Harry is doing absolutely everything that he possibly can to win the war, but in doing so he is losing touch a bit with reality. The part after this, comparing Harry to a ghost, was chilling.
Did you hear me? Harry gave up Quidditch,” said Ron, enunciating every syllable
Your ‘comparisons’, like the one about the butterfly in chapter 1, are wonderful. This line really brought home exactly how much Harry had changed. Even at Hogwarts he always made time for Quidditch. Quidditch was his passion and something that kept him sane. Giving up Quidditch really allows us to see how desperate Harry is. Wow.
That said, I also like the way that some things haven’t changed (or don’t seem to have changed…) For example, Luna seems just as ‘random’ as she was before, which is a good thing! It’s nice to keep some lightheartedness here as well – I wonder where Luna is taking Hermione…hmm.
“He won’t die. Not before he sees the truth.”
Wow. That line – wow. I’m not sure if it’s hopeful or not, but it says a lot. It’s not ensuring that Harry won’t die or anything, so Hermione isn’t ensuing any false hope, but she’s ensuring that Ginny will have another chance with Harry. And I hope that she’s right.
This fic is fantastic so far, very intriguing and I’m really looking forward to reading more. *hopes that the writer’s block will go away soon*