- between the ages of 0 and 21.
- an American
- a girl
- married to Teddy Lupin
- afraid of commas
I am not:
- JK Rowling
- tired of Harry Potter
- a moose (or any other forest animal)
- divorcing any time soon
Check out my stories - if you dare :).
Summary: We knew, though she’d not said a word, that even the best of love must die, and had been savagely undone. - W.B. Yeats
Well hello there,
I used to peruse the Marauder category a lot, but I can honestly say that I have never come across a fic quite like yours. The writing style is very unique, and you have successfully avoided most of the clichés that tend to bombard stories within the category. So first and foremost, I praise you for that. For your first story submitted to this category, you have done a fantastic job.
Throughout the chapter, I really enjoyed your distinct style of writing. The sentence structure is simple, yet so much is conveyed in so few words. No time is wasted with detail; the story here is told in a very deliberate way. In all honesty I wasn’t completely sure of how this would work for a full chapter, but my worries were soon put to rest. It was very effective here. It unfurled like a storybook, and had an almost fable-type feel to it, which is incredibly unique in this category of fan fiction.
I found it interesting that the majority of this fic – not just this chapter – is told from Peter’s third-person perspective. I really like how you’ve characterized him, also. He’s not the wimpy, brainless idiot often seen in fics of his teenage years, but there’s an obvious disparity between how he views the world and how the other Marauders view the world. I loved this line: Peter was thrilled to realize the potential for his Animagus, being small enough to disappear into the shadows would prove to be a valuable asset. It really encompasses both his value to the group, but also his desire to be accepted by them. You had several lines that I felt really nailed the complex character that Peter is, and this was one of them. I also thought it was really neat that Peter was the one who, in the end, figured out the spell to show the names on the Marauders Map.
The only thing I was worried about in this chapter was the portrayal of Remus. In the other chapter he was fairly well-rounded, and I think that probably comes from a portion of the chapter being told from his point of view. However I felt that here, he was leaning a little toward the cliché ‘brains’ of the group, so to speak. It is mentioned that Remus was smart, but in the books it’s almost inferred that James and Sirius were even more so without having to study. Just the way he was the one casting all the spells for the map made me think this way, but as I said before, it might just be because that portion wasn’t from his point of view.
Finally, the story itself – the creation of the Marauder’s Map – was well-told. It has been the focus of many, many one-shots or chaptered stories, yet somehow you managed to make it a refreshing tale. Maybe this was because of the interesting style used, but I feel it had more to do with the way you showed them really collaborating, working as a group to create it. Through this one instance you gave insight to the dynamic of their friendship and how they worked together. Even the way they came up with each other’s nicknames was really clever. I liked how it didn’t seem as though one particular person was the ‘leader’ of the group, so to speak – although you very clearly showed that Peter did not consider himself one. It made the friendship seem more plausible overall, and I think you did a very good job with it.
I look forward to reading more of this story. Great job so far!
Summary: Since the Battle, Parvati struggles to feel.
Since the Battle, Harry feels too much.
Can a chance meeting help them heal?
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, so don't bug me about Pottermore!
This story is for Ariana (lucca4) because she set the prompt in SBBC and she's one of the most talented writers on the site.
Okay so I’ve promised myself to make this a SPEW-length review because this story deserves this and more, but it’s not going to be one of my SPEW reviews as there’s far too much squee-ing and repetition of punctuation marks :). (Plus little smilies added for emphasis).
I read this when it was just a drabble, and I thought it was wonderful. I loved your rendition of the prompt and how you set the entire story after the Battle when they were both hurting (because that kind of romance makes for the best, doesn’t it? :P) and how they needed each other. Maybe one of my favoUrite lines in this story puts it better than I can: This is not love. This is not comfort. This is lust and need and greed and base desire. Just absolutely gorgeous writing right there, and it also weaves neatly into canon in that Parvati and Harry probably won’t stay together (well...maybe a few affairs along the way because I like the way they’re written here so much :D) but they needed each other in that moment above anything else.
So this was supposed to flow nicely as a review but apparently that’s not going to happen. What I was going to say here was that I thought the drabble was wonderful but after reading the full-length fic, I think this one-shot is amazinglysplendidlyperfect. I love it I love it I love it so so much and it’s some of the most gorgeous writing I’ve ever read. I love how Harry and Parvati fit together perfectly because he feels too much and she feels too little and the heat between them is breath-taking. I love that they have no one to turn to but each other.
Did I mention that I love this so much? Because I doooooooooo!! And okay maybe this isn’t becoming a SPEW-length review but it’s close, right? Because I’m running out of words to describe how beautiful this piece of writing is and how much I love it without being redundant.
And I have to thank you, so very ver much for writing this for me. I’ve never had a story written for me before outside of SPEW and it was so surprising and lovely of you to do this. You were the very first author I read on this site and loved, so it means so much that you would say that. Considering your story updates make my day, this probably made my entire month :).
You are so fabulous.
Author's Response: Thank you for the prompt! I was so down about drabbling until I tried this and then had to massacre it for the SBBC - ha ha. Anyway, I was still fretting over it and especially three certain lines which YAY you pulled out as your favourites - hee hee.
I kind of like Harry and Parvati now, although in my canon head she's having a lot more fun with Dean and Seamus - LOL. Might come back to this. Might decided Harry can't live totally without her. *ponders*
Thanks for the review ~Carole~
Summary: Allow the infamous Mrs Zabini to give you a peek into her mind.Adapted from my drabble, Her First Kill, written for Brawl Round 4. DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K.Rowling.
I must say, I really did enjoy this story – as dark as it may be. I remember really enjoying this when it was in its infant drabble form during the brawl. Mrs. Zabini is an extremely interesting character, and the way you’ve characterized her makes her even more shrouded in mystery. I feel like the true feat of this story, however, is the way you’ve made her into a more dimensional character by giving her a trauma behind her actions. This was perhaps the crux of the story, as it showed the reason this young, lonely girl suddenly turned so violent.
The narration of this story was well-written. It was different, not as telling as a confessing tone yet more personal than a simple first-person narrative. I felt like this was really established in this line: You may think what you wish; I cannot stop you from drawing your own conclusions. Here, as the reader I was able to get the sense that Mrs. Zabini wasn’t going to be telling the entire story, that it would be left up to the reader to string together the insinuations. I thought the line after the one above was a little redundant, in that it didn’t add any new information, making it the slightest bit confusing. However I don’t feel like this detracted from the story and pointing it out is a little harsh, so I won’t dwell on that. The tone and style you have developed from the chosen narration was effective in that it flowed like a conversation, yet was silent about just enough to keep the reader intrigued. When writing a story, I sometimes feel that the style of narration just happens and isn’t necessarily chosen, and that’s what it seemed like here – this narration is just so fitting for Mrs. Zabini. The uniqueness was there but not overbearing, subtly folded in the mysterious story of Sesen Zabini.
What a character you have filled out! In the beginning, she sounds calculating and teasing, as though she has no regrets over killing her husbands – that is, if she did kill them – and wants to keep the readers guessing. At first she is simply lonely, telling the audience just enough to keep them interested in her and only her for the duration of the story. Then, as though she’s striving for some sort of deeper connection with someone – anyone – she tells the story of Demeke. Through your writing in that section, we learn so much more about Sesen than she probably wants us to know. She was unloved, or loved less so than her sisters. It’s suggested that her parents didn’t have a happy marriage through the mention of her half-brothers; perhaps, she never expected that any marriage could be happy and therefore has no qualms over the murder of her husbands because she expects their brief happiness won’t last anyway. Briefly, you give the reader so many hints as to the troubled girl she must have been, before building up to the event that pushed her over the edge and eventually caused her to be the person she is at the time of narration.
Assault is always something that should be treated delicately, because it is something that is so easily over-the-top or mishandled. I thought you did this very well; the scene had the proper amount of disgust and violation without Sesen getting out of character and telling too much detail. Your way of describing her feelings was just wonderful, particularly in these lines: I still remember what it had really felt like – a mass of blubbery flesh forcing itself against my mouth. It made me feel ugly and alien. If the reader didn’t feel sympathy towards Sesen Zabini’s loneliness as a child, they certainly would feel it here. It makes it all the more tragic when you’re able to realize that she had no one to turn to except herself, which definitely gives her the motive for taking matters into her own hands.
The entire story was written so carefully and so well. Though the reader gets the heavy impression that Mrs. Zabini has killed all of her husbands – and you’ve given her proper motive to do so – it is never stated directly. She never even says directly that she killed Demeke, though I think that is the one murder that she is willing to let the audience know about. You’ve made such an interesting, dangerous, and intimidating character, but she is still someone we can sympathize with at least partially for the misfortune in her early childhood.
This was a thoroughly enjoyable read, Natalie. You really are a brilliant writer.
Author's Response: Will you ever forgive me for this? :/
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy is the Seeker for Slytherin. Not only that, he's the best Seeker at Hogwarts, and it's his catches that win matches. But this year things are different; Albus Potter has switched to Chaser and the new Gryffindor Seeker is his annoying little sister.
This is the story of how one match and one missed catch can change your life.
This story was accidentally deleted, so is being resubmitted ... very very quickly.
SQUEEEEE! High won the Best Next Generation QSQ award. Thank you so much for the everyone who has helped, either by beta'ing or encouraging me.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I'm not sure who I am at the moment, but there must be some Arthur Weasley blood in me.
Thank you Natalie (hestiajones) for doing the vast majority of the beta work on this, and Apurva for work on the early chapters
Squish for Natalie, Jess, Kara and Bob for helping me sort this out.
Due to an archive hissy fit regarding any story with a rating about 3rd-5th, I have temporarily lowered the rating on this story. However, I have NOT changed the content. This story is still a 6th-7th. You click at your own risk.
There are never any words for Teddy Lupin :D. I do like him and Victoire together by the way - she's the second best option, and they are one of my OTPs after all…
This chapter was lovely; I love the line about how Scorpius and Andromeda are kind of alike, and that's why she's helping him out. And I love watching the rest of the Potter/Weasley family bonding with Scorpius with Quidditch, and Molly's hugging him was such a fantastic scene.
Author's Response: Thank youuuuuuuuuu. I think I'm starting to fall for him more and more. I am pleased you liked Molly hugging him. I think that although she can be a bit prejudiced at times, she has a very soft heart and loves mothering waifs and strays. I was a bit worried about that bit, though, but kept it in 'cause I liked it. ta again. ~Carole~
I remember when I first read this chapter. It's an absolutely gorgeous start to the most refreshing Lily/Scorp I have ever read. I am eternally grateful you did not keep this as a one-shot because I would have cried.
Author's Response: Looking back, I wonder how I could have thought about keeping this as a oneshot. It's obsessed me as much as Lavender, blue did - and that's saying something. Thank you for the review and I'm glad you liked it enough to continue. ~Carole~
I heart Teddy in this chapter. Really, I want to marry him the way you write him. Anyways, aside from that -- I really like the fail of a guise that the Cootes thing turns out to be. It was a great way to show what kind of person Teddy is, with how quickly he accepts Scorpius and Lily's relationship. Okay I'll stop now. Everything I say is going to turn back to Teddy in some way.
Author's Response: Teddy is cool. I love him - especially with black hair. *sigh*
I know that canonically Astoria is only two years younger than Malfoy but I want to accept your way as the *real* canon because the way you write them is darling. Especially Astoria, I still dislike Draco (even though, GASP, we're in the same house..).
And even though Scorpius is a bit rude at the end I still love that scene. I love how important Lily is to him now.
Author's Response: I'd always had this idea that she was a lot younger and not at school with them all because I kind of wanted Draco to know what love was. Not sure why, he's still a ferret - ha ha. He is a bit rude at the end - mwahahahahaha - he's not a Malfoy for nothing. ~Carole~
Dang. I want Scorpius as my tutor ;).
I remember reading this chapter and being so mad at Harry for pointing out Scorpius's Auror application and so angry with Lily for believing him. That is one heck of a cliff-hanger.
Off to read the next one…even though I know what happens next. I can't seem to leave this little issue unresolved.
Author's Response: hee hee. Thank you very much for all your reviews. I don;t think Scorpius would tutor anyone but Lily, mond you. ~Carole~
I love Scorpius because he says exactly what the b!tchy part of me wants him to say, even though I know Lily being angry with him isn't her fault.
I love Teddy because he listens (plus he's hot).
And I LOVE Lavender and Blaise because before High, Lavender Blue was my absolute favorite fic of yours and I love seeing them together years and years later.
So, I've come to the conclusion that you write characters extremely well and bring them to life so they feel like real people and not like random letters clumped together on a page.
Author's Response: I love you. Thank you, thatnk you, thank you, for this review. I think High has a very similar feel to Lavender, blue which is why it is one of my personal favourites. Plus I've nearly finished and I can't get my head around that. Nooooooo. Scorpius/Lily FTW! Oh, and Teddy, yeah, totally hot.
Heloise makes me disgusted and Albus makes me angry.
I love Lavender in the beginning, haha - the way she deals out relationship advice is hilarious but so true. I'm so happy to see more of her and Blaise.
The ending of this chapter is so wonderful, even though it's not entirely wonderful because Cootes is a git. But Lily's stubbornness has finally worn off, at least in this instance.
Lovely chapter, Carole. I'd forgotten how much I loved this story.
Author's Response: Heloise is a bit like an early version of Lavender - ha ha - perhaps I should salvage her, as well. Actually, I dislike her. She's annoying. Cootes is ... ugh ... a twat. I didlkie him as well, but I suppose he thought Lily had ... nah, no excuse. Hex him! Thank you ~Carole~
Oooh another cliffhanger!
This is one of my favorite chapters. I love the interactions between Scorpius and Professor Goldstein and Hugo and Lily…just wonderful. And the writing is amazing as well, but that's usual for you :)
Author's Response: I like Goldstein too. Well I like writing him. I think I share Lily's opinion that he's a waffler and I wouldn;t be able to understand him. ~Carole~
I have to admit I never noticed the Hyperion/Luna allusion until I read this chapter (the first time of course, not today :)). It cements the Scorpius/Lily pairing in my head even more strongly. They really were meant to be together…
I also think you've created a masterpiece with your characterization of Ariadne. She's so wonderfully hate-able. I don't see her as much in the later chapters so it's a great refresher to realize just how horrible she is. :)
Author's Response: She is vile. I dislike Ariadne, but there is a reason behind her nastiness - it's not a justification, but just so you know, there is a reason. Mwahahahahahaha - I don't think even Nat has read that yet. Thank you for reviewing. Oh, yeah, Luna/Hyperion - another reason why they are meant to be. ~Carole~
Oh, Benedict is such a darling.
I think I said this before but in the other reviews that were deleted so I'll say it again because I think it's a good point: What I think really attests to your amazing writing skill is that you make me actually, thoroughly dislike the Potter boys in this chapter. I think it goes down to your ability to write the whole character and not just one side of them, and here you've written the side that most people (including me) tend to forget...
Author's Response: Thank you for this review. Of course, the Potters and Weasleys are seen through Scorpius' eyes, and he is prejudiced, but in the books I do think the Weasley's (except Arthur) are a pretty prejudiced bunch. They come round eventually, but they still have a lot of preconceptions. I also hope that Lily's feelings about her family show that they're not such a horrid bunch! ~Carole~
Aw, a sweet moment between the two future brother-in-laws. How cute!
Guess what I loved most about this chapter? I'll give you a hint, his name starts with a T and ends in an -eddy. That's all I'm mentioning of that lovely boy here because otherwise it will take up the entire review.
Anyways, stupid Narcissa. And extra stupid Ariadne. She is so, so superbly awful. She's my favorite character to hate in this fic.
Author's Response: TEDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I like him with black hair best :)
Oooh and the plot thickens!
I love the Slytherin winning game and I love Scorpius's inspirational speech. Vaisey is growing on me, but not by much. I do feel sorry he has to put up with Ariadne all day (whoops I just typed in 'Ariana' and had to change that…I wonder what that saying?!).
Haha, anyway lovely chapter and I'm off to read the next because I can :)
Author's Response: Youlove Slytherin because you are one now. Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Ha ha - I hope you aren;t like Ariadne. As Scorpius says 'she's vile'
I love the Lavender/Blaise subplot just as much as I love the actual Scorpius/Lily relationship. And I'm so happy they're finally getting their baby, yay!
I do not like Ginny. Yes, I know she has actual reasons for hating Scorpius's grandfather but I'm not good at seeing things from other people's perspective. And poor Scorpius when he finds out…I'm scared to read the next chapter. EEP! But I will anyway.
Author's Response: BABY ZABINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. He/she is on its way (yay). Ha, I know you know the sex of the baby, but you don;t know the name yet. Mwahahahahahahahaha (I know this is going to be a huge disappointment when it's finally revealed *sigh*) Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Scorpius had better give in to his base-urges soon … please?
I thought this was going to be the chapter where he goes and talks to his grandfather but it's the next one…shows just how chronologically challenged I am :).
Author's Response: Ummmmmm.................... few more chapters and then he might give in. Mwahahahahahaha
Poor Scorpius :(. I really really hate Draco, and I'm thanking god for Astoria. She's the only sane one in that house of madmen (and women, as Narcissa is a cow).
I love how Lily comforts him in this chapter, instead of vice versa as it was with Cootes many chapters back. I just love their relationship and the way you write it is spectacularly breathtakingly gorgeous .
Author's Response: I like Astoria, but um ... OOh I won;t spoil. Mwahahahahahaha. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Poor Scorp is used and abused in this chapter. Reading it the first time I worried that this was going to end up causing another stalemate in his and Lily's relationship so the ending of this chapter made me smile. It did this time, too :)
Author's Response: I didn't want to cause too many rifts in their relationship because otherwise it gets a bit samey. There is a rift but it's a small one, and Scorp gets some sense knocked into him. Thank you for reviewing. ~Carole~
He was Seamus for a good half an hour, but then Professor Zabini walked in, and that name never appeared again
My favorite line of the story, lol. It definitely made me laugh.
Despite what that ninny Narcissa says, I liked Scorpius's speech very much. I think it was the most honest thing he could have said, especially because of what had happened as of late.
Andromeda is a dear. Teddy is…geez, I heart that man so much.
Author's Response: Teddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Yes, I think he's rapidly climbing up my fictional bf list. Thank youuuu ~Carole~