I am a recent member of the Harry Potter fandom, but I have always had a passion for the written word, and I hope to fulfill it here. I live in a relatively boring corner of Idaho, and I like Kokanee and a good book!
So, I suppose you're wondering what's up with my username. Even if you're not, this is how that happened. No, I was not aspiring to be a Gryffindor. I can't think of any house to which I would belong less than Gryffindor, in fact. It was a moment of clarity that I got while I was battling with myself about whether I should want to be Sorted into Gryffindor to be like Harry or to be Sorted elsewhere and follow my own path. I thought it to be much like the contemplative scene in Hamlet when he weighed taking his own life. I'm not trying to be melodramatic. That's simply is what popped into my head when I was trying to sign up to leave a review. :D
Any questions or comments about my work? Please shoot me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org — I'd love to hear from you!
Summary: Long before there was Severus Snape, children the world over enjoyed the antics of a different, green-faced sourpuss. In parody and tribute, a melding of the two just in time for the holidays. Wishing all the participants at Mugglenet a very merry Christmas.
SPOILER ALERT for anyone who is not aware of the true identity of the Half-Blood Prince.
~~Nominated for 2011 Quicksilver Quills, Best Humor Story~~
I just... I have no words. I simply cannot grasp how you were able to harness the wonder and simplicity of Seuss and still make it so undeniably Potter. I am just completely gobsmacked by how well you did with this. I don't favorite one-shots often, but this one is going on the list. Very well done, Divine Miss L. :D
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the gushing compliments. I’m gobsmacked in return. Seuss and Potter aren’t really that far apart when you consider that they’re both fantasies. I just didn’t coin any original words like Seuss did; I had JKR to do that for me.
In the midst of the war, the Marauders and Lily have joined the Order, resolute in their decision to fight for justice. But times are hard, and soon, even the strongest of loyalties begin to wear thin.
This is lucca4 of Gryffindor writing for the final in the MWPP class on the Beta Boards.
Nominated for a 2011 QSQ - Best Marauder era Story
Hmm, I feel like I’ve read this story somewhere before... :P
There are many fascinating facets of this story, amongst which are characterisation, structure, and style. I find them all brilliant, as I did when I betaed this fic in the first place, but I thought the first review for this story should be one to let you know just how well done it is and that it’s really a shame that it doesn’t have more reviews and reads.
I found the choice of having Remus purposely separating himself from his mates to be both interesting and apt. To me, there has always been a sort of Cloud Nine effect on him because he had the benefit of very few knowing about his affliction, but when he set out into the real world and couldn’t seek employment anywhere without saying directly that he was a werewolf, it would cause him no end of troubles finding a job as well as anyone who would consider him as anything more than a monster. It has always struck me as something that would weigh heavily on him and his self-esteem and his ultimate need to be liked, causing him to withdraw from his previous social relationships once he deemed himself unworthy to be their friend. The way he pushed away Sirius is very telling of that, and very well characterised.
And Sirius... boy, do I love me some snark! His verbal sparring in both the Remus segments as well as the Rodolphus segments was wonderful and charming, but not over the top, as can happen. I think you portrayed him as a good reflection of who he probably was somewhere between the boy whose boredom could only be alleviated by humiliating Snape and the man who would escape prison to exact vengeance on the man who pretended to be his friend and sold out the Order to Voldemort. Sirius was always a man whose moral compass didn’t point due north, but he was always on the right side in the end. I think you did a good job in making it feel like he was refusing Rodolphus because of this and not because he was trying to ‘stick it’ to his family.
I can’t say enough about Peter in this story. I think he’s the true victory in terms of characterisation. As a reader, I can see how he has always been loyal to his friends, but his feelings started to change with Lily’s introduction into their group, whom he never considered as one of his mates and more of a rival for James’s attention. I think it’s a very apt and well-conceived piece of work, right down to his rather halting defence of his friends.
I have to make a note about your portrayal of Snape. He was truly excellent in this story. He’s not yet the embittered old man who is horrible to children, but he’s still the sharpened manipulator that he’d always been, only to a different end. His voice and actions and methods were simply so well done.
The differences between James and Lily were so understated, yet they were perfect. James is so focused on his duties with the Order and so loyal to the cause that he doesn’t realise that Lily might be having second thoughts about dedicating herself to the same things. It almost seems like, at this point, the fact that he had to think about being a father before a warrior hasn’t occurred to him yet, it hasn’t sunk in thus far, whereas Lily spent every second of every day, feeling this new life growing inside of her, a constant reminder of the danger they all faced. The way you illustrated this by having James not think twice about telling Lucius to go to hell but having Lily actually consider the offer before realising what it entailed was great.
Lily’s fears felt palpable and very realistic. Her borderline resentment of her lot in life and how it robbed her of simple things like going to sleep at night and not worrying about waking to news of someone she cares about being dead or worse at the hand of maniacs, it makes so much sense. Even something as simple as not getting to celebrate Valentine’s Day on the actual day it’s supposed to be niggled at her, which in itself isn’t a big deal, but the constant stress of war took missing a minor holiday, despite James’s obvious effort to make her feel better about it, sort of blew things out of proportion for her and made big deals out of things that really weren’t. Maybe even pregnancy hormones did a good bit to cause this for her, as well. I think you incorporated much of this so subliminally and so very nicely.
I’m glad I talked you into adding the end with the Order meeting. The way the members bantered back and forth was really good, plus it gave you a chance to tie all of these events together in some other way besides them being about the Marauders. It was just so clever to use events that weren’t technically canon but had the feel like they were the sort of events that could very well have been the harsh reality of the Order members during wartime.
In retrospect, I probably should have suggested that you blend together the first two segments, as they were both about Remus and there wasn’t enough of a difference between the events in the first part and the second to warrant a division between them. But besides that, I like the way you structured the story, especially not sticking Peter at the end of the Marauders’ segments, which would have given it an ‘oh, yeah, and then there’s Peter, because he’s the bad guy’ feel. Instead, you found a way to cast doubt on all of them, but still clearly show which ones overcame those doubts in the end and who didn’t.
One thing that really struck me when I first read this story is how your writing is so unreflective of your age. Most younger writers stray toward purple prose and contrived plots, but you haven’t done that here, which speaks well to the writer you will be in the future should you choose to continue developing your skills. Even though your prose is good and your mechanics are strong, I think you can be even better than this down the line, and I look forward to seeing you grow as an author. The sky’s the limit, kiddo. :D
That’s all from me at the moment. It’s been a pleasure to work with you in the past few weeks, and here’s to future collaboration!
Summary: They move in a circle. She goes one way, he the other. It is a punishment neither deserves nor wants, and yet she holds the power to stop it.
Nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award in Best Non-Canon Romance.
Well hello, Madam Julia!
There is something sad and heart-breaking about this fic, and it’s not that my heart bleeds for the ship itself. I think there is something dark and twisted about torturing oneself by watching the object of your desire flirt with someone else — especially if they know you know and do it anyway. But I think Hermione deals with it quite well. I smiled at her borderline cattiness at saying ‘So Not His Type’.
She felt in-character to me throughout. It is a bit strange that she ends up with Draco after Harry is dead, and I’m assuming Ron is, as well, but after reading, I felt like it was almost like she was punishing herself by forcing herself into his affections and accidentally fell for him a little bit herself. But her persistence in not admitting her feelings for him, it almost felt to me like she was fighting like hell not to let go to her loved ones and that she would’ve been doing so in giving into Draco.
Draco felt in-character, as well. I can see him wanting to make her suffer by watching him feel up another girl. I think he would’ve done even if he and Hermione hadn’t had a thing going on, but it seemed like a true and correct act of pettiness to take every jab at her heart that he could and when he could. It was just so very Draco.
The idea of Hermione getting drunk and stumbling home breaks my heart. When she seemed relieved to even have made it via the Floo just conjures a pathetic picture of someone accidentally bouncing out into someone’s living room or kitchen, or maybe she hoped she would never come out at all. It makes me wonder how much the ever strong Hermione Granger can take before her resolve cracks and she turns into this mournful, shell of a person that she is in the fic. You really must write that sometime. :D
I got the shivers as she waited for Draco to come, almost glad of the distraction of the bickering neighbours downstairs. I knew he would be coming and for her sake, I hoped that he wouldn’t so she could finally let go. I didn’t care that she loved him; she needed to be freeeeee. DX And when he did come, it actually made a knot form in my stomach because of what I knew would happen.
Hermione stripping almost robotically was both potent and disgusting all at once. It made her look like a sad excuse of the woman she should’ve been and little more than his kept woman. Then and there I wanted to chop his bits off and make him suffer, but then he spoke and changed my perspective of everything.
He was tired of being punished.
She was leading him on. :O I never would’ve guessed that was coming, but she was making him pay for deaths he probably had nothing to do with. This makes me think that he did genuinely care for her in his own way but had lost the patience for her games, instead jerking her around by flaunting other women and trying to goad her into saying what he wants to hear, even if he himself isn’t able to say it.
All in all, this story, this game of affections between them, is so well drawn. You managed to make me sympathise with both of them, which I didn’t expect would happen with Draco. I remember the initial drabble, and the additions that you made to make it a one-shot really filled out the story and gave it so much more depth of character which is just… ridiculous for a 1200 word fic.
Your writing style is just so engaging, and it really wraps me up in the story. Once again, you managed to master the art of using sentence length to make the emotions of the fic move along at such a carefully measured pace. It felt like you orchestrated this on a stage, composing the score to elicit all the right reactions in all the right places in the story line. It was utterly stunning, and I’m glad I chose to read it today.
Hm, and while I say I'm glad Draco riled you up, I'm also glad you were able to sympathise with him after the slight twist. They're both playing games with each other and their stubbornness (which they both share) won't let them give in. I liked building up that dynamic because I think it fits certain aspects of their characters rather well.
I do have a back story in my mind as to how they ended up in this mess together and maybe one day I'll write it down but for this particular one-shot I really just wanted to explore a moment in time and the complexities of their relationship. Thank you so much for this wonderful review, Jess! It makes me smile to know that something I wrote could evoke such a response, especially from someone who does not like this ship! Keep on being awesome xD
Summary: Charlie isn't a shopkeeper, and minding Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes for his brother bores him witless, until a very familiar saleswoman turns up to irritate him.
Gah, I still wanna know who was at the dooooooor! I've been trying to speculate for ages, and I simply can't stand it anymore!
I love how you edited this from its original smut version. It's still steamy and hot, yet in the realm of acceptability. :D
Yay to smut!
Always yay to smut!
Yeah, the original was nowhere near the realm of acceptability really, was it.
How about a deal: I'll tell you who was at the door if you tell me who the father of Hermione's baby is? :op
Summary: A poem for Harry/Hermione.Thanks to Jess for encouraging me to publish this. I wrote this, not J.K.Rowling; she doesn't ship Harmony. :P
Yay, Harmony. I sort of already squeed over this poem, so I'll just leave a short message, since reviews are love and all.
My favourite part about this poem is that it does carry on that air of ambiguity, which allows the reader to really see what they want to see, but since it was written for Megan, it does hint toward Harmony. But since I like weird pairings, I could easily see Draco/Katie or Theo/Susan or nearly anything. It's just set up to mean a lot of different things if you want. That makes it even awesome-er!
Heart ya, Bestia. :)
They cannot keep doing this; it is only a matter of whose resolve will break first. They may have grown distant, their friendship may never mend, but something else has begun. Similarly to the sultry dance so reminiscent of their stolen kisses, drifting apart is only the beginning.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling and I definitely don't own her world.
Winner for 2011 QSQ - Best Same Sex Pairing, along with Equinox Chick's Monochrome, one of the most beautiful stories on this site. Thank you immensely for nominating/voting!
Huge, huge thank you to Natalie/hestiajones for beta-ing this.
I have always believed that there is a time in every writer’s development when either a large step is taken toward great things, or said writer is left behind with everyone else. Only a gifted few ever do the former, and the rest of us typically fall into the latter category. When I read a story of yours for the first time, which I *believe* was Doubt, I had such high hopes for you as an aspiring creative writer. Defiance added to that, and stepping outside of the box and writing a pairing you’d never before considered with Susan/Theo was yet another step in the right direction.
And then there was this story.
There are so many lovely parts in this story that I could practically write a one-shot worth of praise for it, but I’m sure neither of us have that sort of time. So, I’m going to touch upon a few of the reasons why this is definitely a ‘breakthrough’ fic and what I believe makes it so.
The ability to write a non-canon event with canon conviction — that is to say, making it fit into canon and just have that feeling that it really did happen — is not something that can be taught. It can be directed and given certain sets of criteria, but writing to add to a pre-existing dimension yet still making it your own in a fabulous trait to have as a writer. The way you drew from what we know of Parvati and Lavender in this story, yet still selling me on an idea that had truly never crossed my mind until I read this story, is a gift of talent. From beginning to end, I couldn’t help but feel like I was in Jo’s world and just reading a small file she’d tucked into her buckets of notes, something scripted that didn’t make the final draft. Those are my absolute favourite kinds of stories, and I love that you were able to do that here.
Writing about one’s battles with homosexuality is not an easy feat. It’s something that I know from experience, and it’s difficult not to sound patronising or make the character out to be homophobic or just wangsty, but I thought you handled the girls’ respective identity crises very well. I think the most unique thing about how you did it was that they weren’t both mirrors of one another in terms of reaction to their first kiss. They were two distinct individuals who acted far differently, and their trains of thought, while somewhat similar, had their own unique sets of factors and feelings involved.
It was interesting that, of the two, Parvati seems to be the more sexually open one. One would think that it would be the other way around, since Lavender has the reputation in fanon as liking boys more than normal (which seems like a misconception, considering that, as far as we know, she’d only gone to the Yule Ball with Seamus and dated Ron). But you so expertly drew on canon and made your alternate theory fit and seem even more plausible than what many assume to know about these two.
I thought it was fitting that Parvati would worry far more about how her mother would react than anyone else. It speaks a lot of her heritage and her cultural differences. I’m assuming you would know more about Hindi culture than me, but from what I’ve heard, it seems like something that would push some buttons in the family. It fit that you touched upon this as a deciding factor, but also that you made Parvati her own person and Gryffindor enough to decide what is right for herself.
Lavender seemed to have far more issue with her feelings for Parvati than the other way around. In her youthful lack of knowledge, she assumed that all girls who liked other girls have to be lesbians and that all lesbians had to be like her aunt — short hair, no makeup, and smelling like cigarettes. It humanises her in a very strong way, because I’m sure we’ve all had a wildly off-base assumption about someone of a different culture, creed, sexuality, or race, only to find out later that we were so very, very wrong. For instance, I used to think, before I’d ever actually met a gay person, that gay men were all well groomed and dressed nice. Hahahahahahaha… no. So wrong. Things like these that make someone identify on a personal level are what separate good characterisation from great characterisation.
Neville’s appearance was a bit of a squee part. I liked how you managed to show how the other DA members accepted the shift of leadership from Harry to Neville and that the latter had grown into a role of respect where he had formerly been the house spaz. The way he showed genuine concern for his flock was touching and felt right.
And as for the war, it felt almost like it was in the background, barely ascertainable, but in a way, at least for me, it worked better that way. I believe I’ve mentioned this before, but the bad parts about Hogwarts almost couldn’t have been non-stop. First of all, I don’t think Snape would’ve allowed things to get so bad as per Dumbledore’s final instructions for him, nor would the other teachers. So a lull in the Carrow fiasco (likely after the first round of torturing when everyone is on their best behaviour and trying to keep out of trouble) is not an unreasonable thing to assume. So the lack of it in the forefront is not a bad thing, I believe.
What I would call the only drawback of this story is the insertion of Lavender’s mum and how the next time It came up was because someone else mentioned it. I do think that Lavender would use her emotional struggle from the kiss to think about something else besides her mother being in danger, but her reaction when Parvati brought it up didn’t seem quite right. I don’t know how she could possibly not think about it for that length of time. If you have thoughts on this, then feel free to share, but I am a bit dubious on a girl who seems to love her mother being able to push something out of her mind for that long. Perhaps if she had said something like she’d been trying not to think about it, it would’ve rang a bit more true. Just something to think about.
The heart to heart at the end was so touching and raw. It was as if they’d decided that pretext was over and they had to be honest with one another. For Lavender to admit that she was apprehensive about being judged took guts, and for Parvati to initiate the conversation in the first place, even though she said she didn’t want to do it, either, also took a bit of courage. In the end, though, how much the girls cared for one another and the fortitude that stood them well in the Battle really shined through.
All in all, I think this is your best story thus far. I’ve not got a chance to read your chaptered story yet, but knowing your usual quality of writing, I have no doubt that it’ll be just as good, possibly even better, than everything else I’ve read from you. So bravissima! The story is fabulous; you are fabulous.
I've been reading the SBBC discussions (*cough* more like stalking*cough*) on this, and both the SBBC-lings and you pointed out the Lavender's-concern-over-her-mum thing, which I really hadn't noticed before. I'm glad you all pointed it out, because when I read it it was more of a Lavender-is-trying-to-distract-herself-from-her-mum thing (which is why she is so invested in solving this relationship and why I don't think the relationship itself will last). But now that I read it over, she sounds a little callous. I think I'll take your advice and change the line a bit, as now reading it just makes me wince.
Thank you, so very, very much for reviewing this story. Your comments are always so eloquently put and it makes me happy to think that someone actually put the time into thinking so deeply about something I typed up :). xx Ariana
Summary: In the dead of winter, two friends continue their hunt for something they may never find.
Nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award in Best General Story.
I’d like to first say that you and I are in the minority that enjoyed the dance in the tent scene in the movie, so I knew right away that this would be a brand new extension of your fabulousness. However, I have to confess that I’m rather torn, because even though I adore the movie scene in question, honestly, your version makes much more sense. XD
One of your shining qualities as an author has always been your ability to not only keep a character true to canon, but to supersede that underlying basis and add a new, equally plausible dimension. For example, we know the dance never happened in canon or that there is no evidence that it did, but you wove so many gorgeous canon details, such as Harry trying to imagine that his fingers were stroking red hair, not brown, and feeling Quidditch robes and not rough, serviceable fabric. At first, I will admit that I wasn’t sure if Book!Harry would ever have the jewels to ask (well, demand) Hermione to dance with him, but once the sequence proceeded, I felt his need to alter their cold reality — change the facts, as it were — and the song gave him inspiration.
I think the song, too, was a brilliant addition. Normally, at least from my experience, song fics often suffer from lyric overload, but the few interwoven lines just seemed to come at the right time and the right place to add just that little bit to the story. The lyrics were just so well-suited to the mood and theme to the song that I decided to YouTube it and listen to the song whilst reading. It was, of course, a great idea. The song’s rich melodies and auras match up well with the emotive properties of the story. You make your selections well. Well done, you!
The amount of description that you put into such a short piece was phenomenal. In one paragraph, you managed to paint a vivid scene and set up a metaphor for later in the story. I could have been watching this scene happening in my head and it wasn’t lacking in the slightest in sensory information. How you did this is a mystery to me, and I am so in awe of your ability to do so with such brevity and fluidity. In particular, this part was striking:
She stares at him, her eyes half-closed, before sniffing softly and taking his out-stretched hand. Harry picks the wireless up from the armchair and carefully places it on the side table before pulling her close against him. She lets out a huff of breath and their eyes meet.
In three sentences, you convey Hermione’s feelings at the time, as well as what Harry is doing, all while not missing a beat. It seems like a random point in the fic, but it’s indicative of how you do it so gracefully. I don’t have to ‘read between the lines’ or interpret things; you set up everything, and all one has to do is let one’s mind absorb the subliminal details and not even realise that it’s happening.
I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t start reading this with the preconception that this was a Harmony piece and would be one of our favourite things — a pocket of non-canon/what could have been encased in canon. It was that, but not what I’d expected. There was not that overt shippy undertone that made me think that there was anything but grief and wishing things had gone differently between them, and in a way, it’s far more beautiful as such. It’s not something written to spite canon and to show that certain ‘delusions’ could have happened; instead, there is a peace, or ironically enough, a harmony, between the two, where Harry was daydreaming about Ginny, and Hermione finally said that she missed Ron, indicated that she cared about him on a different level. It was just so lovely.
All in all, if I had known that all that kept you from submitting this story was the lack of a title, I would’ve beat down your door and made one for you so I would have got to read this before now. Thank you so much for your fabulous work and letting the rest of us be a part of it. I look forward to future submissions from you. Simply splendid.
What an epic review! My jaw literally dropped when I opened this up. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me this. It was such a pleasure to read. And yes, I did squee out loud. Please don't hold that against me xD
First of all, yes, I think we are a minority. Although, my friend Bronwyn LOVES than scene and she is a canon shipper. My mum is a total Harmony shipper like me so she loved it, too. LOL. I remember when I saw the film for the first time, I was really surprised that my version was so close to it. I think you get the same feeling of loss and abandonment and that longing for lost innocence. I love that you can take it either way, though. You can see it as something more than friendship if you want, or you can take it as a platonic moment of shared friendship. This fic is more the latter but I'm glad you still enjoyed it as such! Thank you :)
As for the song, I deliberately went through songs that were released around the time the Trio were on the run and as soon as I saw Eye I knew that it would be perfect and not just because I'm a huge Smashing Pumpkins fan. There is something about that song that really matches the melancholic feeling I imagine Harry and Hermione to feel. Also, when I wrote this, I tried to match the pacing to the song in real time. Of course, it sort of ran away from me but I'm glad that you were still able to see that structure as you read. When it comes to songfics, I believe that the lyrics should be there to add to rather than distract from the fic so it's good to know that they worked here. Again, like the structure of the melody, I tried to incorporate them within the prose to match the pacing and atmosphere.
As I said to Lori, I never set out to write a romance with this. I deliberately wanted to show a tender and platonic moment between Harry and Hermione. For me, they are as much of a pleasure to read as any good Harmony romance. Of course, people are able to interpret it as such but I like that a canon-carder can read this and still like it. I love how you describe the 'harmony' between the two. I really enjoy exploring that bond between the two of them that is sometimes ignored in fear of coming across as delusional. Whether there is a possibility of romance, Harry and Hermione are still really close friends and they have some great moments together in canon. This is more of a missing canon moment. Something that could have happened without taking anything away from Ron or Ginny.
Thank you so much for this review. It really made my day :) It means a lot to me that you liked this fic and that you took the time to write me that whopper is even more special. Sorry if this reply is a little convoluted and incoherent at times. I'm a little giddy from grinning so much. Now, I'm going to brush my teeth, wash my face, get into my pyjamas, and curl up on the couch and read some Katie/Oliver. Perfect plan!
Summary: Writer’s block is to stress as Dragon Pox is to sickness. And banter is to romance as Draco is to Ginny. Or something like that. I dunno. Put down something witty and then tell everyone I wrote it.
I'd be more coherent now, but I'm tired. You've been warned.
This is absolutely clever. I don't know how you did it, but you've taken a completely ridiculous circumstance and made it utterly riveting. I want to watch this movie, read the book, and buy the DVD. It makes me lol very much.
The way you wrote it is slightly madcap and florid, but it works so well that way. It adds to the overall predicament.
Oh, and I love that it was in Draco's POV. That is a great place to be. :D
Wonderful fic. Me likey.
Summary: A lonely figure walks down the street, long auburn hair trailing behind her in the blustery wind. She pulls a red wool coat snug around her, gloved hands tucked into pockets as she wanders the sidewalk, glancing up at the shop fronts. She is young, but her face is lined with sadness, as if searching for something she has lost. Her green eyes long for answers.
Across the way a young man stops and stares at the woman in the red coat, hardly daring to believe it might be her. And yet as she turns and walks back up the street, he knows it is, and his heart stops beating for a moment. He blinks, just to see if she will disappear from his life once more, like she did over a year ago.
I couldn't take it anymore. I've been putting off reading this because I knew I'd love it and didn't want to wait for updates, and woehdvhdskfjh, I was right.
This story is fab. This is just so fresh and inspired, which could only come from someoen who's written James/Lily in more ways than is imaginable. I'm using this story as a warm-up, as well as One to Remember, to finally tackle Things Change. Even though canon isn't my thing, YOU are most definitely good at what you do. If I am to sugar my brain, only the best will do.
See you next chapter!
Yay, action! And Sirius has such a potty mouth. It pleases me. :D
I really admire how you've skimmed over the less important parts and kept the structure of the story limited to important events. It really allows me to stay immersed in the story (and jonesing for me, damn you) and stay in James's head.
I love James in this. He's contrite, and he's also a gentleman. His 17 year old self would probably not have been so honourable, but he was lovely. He wanted her to be her before anything happened (if that makes any sense at all), or it would have invariably ruined their relationship had her memory somehow returned.
I adored the flashes of the old Lily when confronted with Snape. It was rather reminiscentof SWM with the fire she showed.
Anyway, you will get a better review from me upon further updates. Gorgeous story, Twin!
I could've sworn I'd read the final chapter, but when I went to recommend this for discussion, I rightly couldn't remember how it ended. D'oh!
Oh, James... so bold, yet so unsure. And the way you've kept Lily as Lily, despite her never recovering her memories. You, Twin, are fabulous. :)
At the beginning of the chapter, I was fully expecting Lily to confess that she was pregnant, hence why she wouldn't get on a broom, but the idea that she was in a bit of shock over everything she'd absorbed over the past weeks makes just as much sense. Cramming years of knowledge into a short time WOULD fritz out anyone's brain, and you illustrated that so well.
I wanted to facepalm at James's proposal. 'Too soon! Too soon!' I said to myself. But yay, Lily didn't dump him flat on his face. I didn't like the James we knew from SWM, the prankster Marauder, but you truly made me like this James who got a second chance at a first impression.
Lovely fic, Twin! Good luck in the QSQs.
Summary: It's three in the morning and one nightmare just melts into another.
Good (does some sleuthing) afternoon, Julie!
Your author page was recommended to me by hestiajones, so I decided that I’d pop in when I saw your rather compelling summary pop up on the Most Recent list.
I have to say, I wasn’t expecting this particular characterisation of Neville. Not many focus on his less-than-Gryffindor moments during Year Seven, but I really appreciate that you did the focus on Neville’s apprehension about being in a room that used to have ambient noises but no longer does. It’s sort of like being used to falling asleep with the telly on and then sleeping over at someone else’s place — someone who requires quiet. You took one of those tiny little details about being in a strange place and made it work for this all-too-familiar situation. These are the types of things that really help me identify with a character and with a scene, and you did it well.
The idea of a bell going off is sort of strange, since most clock towers and regular clocks don’t ring after ten, but I’m guessing it’s a part of the dream rather than reality. Anything could happen in dreams. Did the bell ring in the dream? I’m curious, now. I also hesitated on the bit where Neville thinks that Harry is better off, because he would know that wasn’t true. By that point, Harry would’ve already been Undesirable No. 1, which would make him a fugitive from the Ministry. I’m not sure anyone would call the constant terror and running as being better off. Maybe if Neville hoped that Harry was doing better, it would have been more in-character.
Neville going to the common room to feel less lonely does strike me as sort of strange, since it’s a cavernous room with no one else but him in it rather than a smaller space where he isn’t actually by himself. I get that he’s imagining he’s with people that formerly occupied the room, hence the allusion to Hermione, but I’m not entirely certain it would help him in that situation. It might be a personal preference, but I thought I’d point it out just the same.
I really like the interaction with Seamus. They commune on one of the deepest level because of what they endured together. I never really considered that Seamus and Neville would become more than mere roommates during Year Seven, but the way you present it makes so much sense. They went from being two guys who happened to share a room to being brothers in arms. Even the bit about fancying Ginny a bit was an interesting detail, since even Blaise Zabini carried a bit of a torch for her. It just adds to the very nice picture of camaraderie and understanding between the two boys.
I do have one minor nitpick about spelling/usage, and it’s here:
McGonagall would gauge out her eyes with her own wand before helping the Carrows.
‘Gauge’ is a completely different word. The appropriate term would be ‘gouge’.
The way you painted Neville’s nightmare, about him being in his cot as Bellatrix essentially took away his parents’ humanity is both horrific and striking. You did it delicately, since it is a rather touchy subject, but you also made it portray the necessary intensity to both touch the reader and tie it into the scene. It was so well done, and I can’t help but think that it did happen that way in canon. Those are my favourite types of stories, the ones that add to what we know of canon and bring a new dimension to it.
Your writing is very easy to read. There are times when an author will lack in variety and put out ‘noun + predicate + comma + repeat’ sentences over and over, but you don’t do that. It allows the actual narration voice to take a backseat to the story itself so the reader can be vested in the characters instead of the prose. Plus, my personal pet peeve is starting two paragraphs in a row with the same world. I could hug you for avoiding that, because things like that can ruin a story. Actually, the opposite is true for your fic, because your attentive writing in essence blends itself out of the picture. It’s hard to explain, but it really makes the story stand out in that certain aspects of it don’t stand out.
The end is just… love. Pure love. In particular, the last line just ties your fic into canon so very well. There had to be some point where Neville decided that he was going to fight the war inside the walls, and I think you picked a good moment. They’d had their small rebellions and pushed the Carrows’ buttons a little bit, but something had to necessitate that the entire DA go into hiding in the Room of Requirement. Now, I’ll forever think of it as a bad night’s sleep for Neville and a declaration that his nightmare would pale in comparison to the one that he’d make for Carrow. It’s a very fist-pumping moment, like it’s Score One for the coming out party of Neville’s bravado.
In conclusion, this is an excellent story. There were a couple bumps, which I pointed out, but they’re rather subjective and you may feel free to ignore me. I think you’re a talented writer, and I hope to read more of your work soon. Thanks for writing such a good piece, and I’m glad I picked it to read.
Take care and happy writing,~Jess
Summary: He loves his wife, but that other girl will never leave his heart.Written as a birthday present for the vivacious coolcatelly/Elene. This poem was inspired by Equinox Chick's Shrouds. If you haven't read it yet, and if you ARE a Dramione fan, then shame on you! I mean, hey, it nearly converted me. DISCLAIMER: J.K.Rowling is not me. HA!
Love poems are some of the most sultry and evocative of all. Some writers can mould their words into sculptures of image so rich in the mind with only a few syllables, and others can turn them into marching soldiers, carrying on with staccato hearts pumping in unison. I’m just baffled as to who you had to bribe in the talent department to be able to do both!
The theme of infidelity and forbidden longing is almost a guarantee of sexy description, and you do deliver in spades, Natalie. I think this says it all:
There was that brazen brown hair,
Its heady scent filling up the air.
It was his daily disquiet,
From it there was no respite.
It just feels so very Hermione to me. Just this little nugget of characterisation is great, since I can rightly imagine that Hermione would love passionately and wouldn’t be quiet in a relationship. The Draco canon in this poem shows that he prefers the quiet, but he can’t give up the addictive noise that Hermione makes in his life. I find this detail to both be in character and to be a fabulous little detail that just proves everything I said in the first paragraph.
Tied to him for ever,
A tie he wouldn’t sever.
This does make me curious about how Draco views his relationship with Astoria. Had you used ‘couldn’t’, that would imply that he wanted Hermione more, but instead, the use of ‘wouldn’t’ makes me think that he does care for Hermione and desires her, but Astoria is and always will be the first woman in his heart. I wonder if this is what you intended or if I’m reading far too much into your word choice (also a possibility).
There was his Hermione,
His eternal agony,
Forbidden to him forever,
An absent endeavour.
If I could pick your brain for a moment, I have a hypothesis here. In Astoria’s paragraph, you didn’t italicise ‘his’, yet in Hermione’s you did. I conjecture that you’re implying a sort of ownership over Hermione, whereas Astoria is simply there and officially his. I would love to hear your thoughts on this choice of yours.
All in all, this poem was just so stunning and well-characterised, even as a poem for a non-canon romance. You managed to lend it plausibility and a richness that melts into silky smooth flow and vivid imagery. I cannot honestly think of anything that I would change, and I am still mildly jealous of your mad poeting skills.
Until we meet again, Madam Jones!
Summary: "Remember Cedric. Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Cedric Diggory." ***
The night Cedric died, four people reacted in very different ways. Here are their stories.
This is Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff writing for the 2011 Aprils Fools' Day Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt # 3 - Trio Era.
IT WON ITS SECTION _ YAY!!!!!!
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I doubt I could write anything as moving as Cedric's death.
A HUGE thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) and Gina (gmariam) who have beta'd this into submission. This really would not have made it without their help.
** indicates a line taken from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Nominated for two QSQ's in Dark/Angsty and Best General Story in 2011. Thank you very much.
Ooh, Carole, this story is so interesting! Somehow, you managed to take four characters and paint four completely different and completely unique reactions to the death of Hogwarts ‘Golden Boy’. I thought the way you set up the story, as well as the character choice, was inspired. Each of the voices were clearly defined.
For Pomona, I suppose I never really thought about her being a person of faith. I don’t know if I even considered how the ‘Fat Friar’ became a friar in the first place. I love how you consider details like this in your writing and fill in the gaps, so to speak. I adored how you have her that one commonality with her House’s ghost, where not many would’ve been able to share Christianity with others at a school full of magical people who probably don’t share that belief.
I did pause at her being a Muggle-born, though. It has nothing to do with her characterisation so much as if she had been a Muggle-born, she never would’ve been allowed to teach at Hogwarts during Year Seven, just as no students were allowed to attend. I suppose it’s subjective, but it is something to consider. Personally, I like her in the story just the way she is; her story makes sense and just reeks of raw humanity.
The end part of her segment was just… *sniff*. It made me want to hug her when she felt so guilty for praying for a Triwizard victory when she felt she should’ve been praying for the safety of the participants. Would it have changed the outcome? No, but her faith would’ve given her comfort in that time of grief, but instead, it stood as a testament of how it had let her down.
The Fat Friar was another victory in this part. He was given a life, not just a name and the title of the Hufflepuff House ghost. He was emotive and honest, and his background felt so fitting for both the supporting role as well as for a Hufflepuff in general. I think he really made this segment one of my favourites.
There was something base and rudimentary about Seamus and Lavender in this. Not everyone deals with grief in the same way or for the same reasons, and having these two right after Pomona illustrates this point so well. While Sprout chose to blame herself, Seamus decided that a bit of denial was in order, and physical grief was Lavender’s choice.
By all rights, Seamus and Lavender barely knew Cedric at all, but having been that same age and lost a classmate, I know how it affects people. Everywhere you go, you notice something that you can associate with that person, even if it’s someone you hardly ever talked to. You might even hear a joke and wonder if said person would’ve laughed at it or thought it was stupid. I even remember being in JC Penney’s and seeing a message T-shirt that reminded me of the boy who died. I think you captured the relative… weirdness that it brings quite accurately, as well as the mental funk that surrounds the time when you find out about it. There’s the disbelief, then the confusion, and then the angst.
When they had sex, I felt bad for both of them. It was not a good idea at all, and you showed that when Lavender later dumped Seamus, but they didn’t know how to feel. Right then, neither of them wanted to think about Cedric lying on the ground mere feet away, knowing very well that, if Voldemort had indeed returned, that body could someday be them, taken in some dark place and brought back by a screaming bystander.
Overall, this segment was poignant in the sense of lost innocence. They hadn’t known death until this point — not really. Now they understood heartache, grief, and shame, and they started to become the Gryffindors that proudly signed their names on the Dumbledore’s Army roster.
I think Theo was the most heart-breaking of all. In a way, he has it worse than Cho in terms of losing the object of his affection. He never got to touch Cedric or to taste the lips that peppered his dreams. Theo never got to laugh at a joke or smile at something Cedric said. He never got that dance. Cho had memories, but all Theo would have was bitterness. I wanted to hug him tightly and point him in the direction of another of Cedric’s mourning admirers *coughOlivercough*.
It just wasn’t fair, and the way you had him listening in disgust at Seamus and Lavender’s lovemaking, convincing himself he was angry that they weren’t honouring Cedric properly and not that he was hurting because no one cared about him like that and he didn’t think anyone would. And when I read ‘No one ever did’, I wanted to steal him away and mother him, poor lad.
Hagrid, as we discussed in SBBC, is a very difficult character to get right, but I thought you did brilliantly. There was something so simple and earthy about him, about how he dealt with the tragedy and the imminence of Voldemort’s return. From the feelings of guilt he had over having created the maze to the simple act of tearing up the shrubs one by one. It was such an appropriate gesture for him, because it was one of the few things he could do to take his mind off of everything.
His brief bond with Flitwick felt right, as well. There are far fewer commonalities between the two than differences, yet they understood each other for that one moment. And them working together to erase the maze so no one else had to see it the next day and think of Cedric’s death, that the pitch could go back to its more innocent purpose as a place of fun and House unity. It was a major *eep* moment, as well as a cruel irony, when they finished and all they’d accomplished was to create a desolate expanse that mirrored the world that Cedric’s death had changed and the darker realm that his murder was going to bring with it.
Overall, this was an excellent story, and if you don’t win the challenge, I will abstain from chocolate for an entire month. This was so well written, with your signature style of fluid prose and touching characterisation. This fic was gorgeous and a great distraction from the bajillion other things I should be doing but don’t want to.
Oh, and good morning. :D
During the second war, many must leave their homes and run for their lives. What must they feel, forced to hide from a government that hates their very existence?Nominated for Best Poem in the 2011 Quicksilver Quill Awards.
Oh my Merlin, this poem is just so many fabulous things all in one. Each stanza, even the repeating ones, stands for a different emotion by the narrative voice, and they're so well-defined. Awareness. Terror. Wistfulness. Regret. Desolation. Hope. Confidence. Will. It really shows the darkness, coupled with the joy of having someone to stand next to against that darkness.
My only critique would be that, in order to better suit your set rhythm, perhaps the last stanza should be italicised as well, but other than that, it is utterly fabulous. I think my favourite part was the refrain, but that it only repeated the first two lines. It showed that continual fear, that neverending need to run, but it also allowed for the stanza to work with the changing emotions before and after, bridging them together very fluidly.
Such a beautiful poem, Minna, and it well deserved to win first place. Now I know what Julia meant when she squeed over it. I confess that I didn't properly read the other entries past skimming them to make sure we weren't using the same music or writing the same thing. Now I feel like a dunce, because I could've read this ages ago and enjoyed it then!
Summary: It's 2012 and for Charlie Weasley, life in Romania with his dragons is good. Okay, his mum doesn't stop nagging him about his love-life, but at least she's not attacking his hair with scissors. The only cloud is the Ministry of Magic's threat to slash their funding. What Charlie needs to do is charm the visiting Ministry official. Unfortunately, he hadn't expected it to be his brother's prim ex-girlfriend.
Will she slash his budget? Or can he make her change her mind?
This is Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff and this is my entry in the April Fool's Challenge ~ Prompt #3 Next Gen.
A huge thank you to Sarah (SapphireatDawn) for beta'ing this at record speed.
Inspiration for this pairing came from Julia - she features in the fic ... sort of ...
Disclaimer: You must know by now that I'm not JK Rowling.
Gah, I am so in love with their banter. Put a few drinks in her, and Penelope is a whole other person, comprised of everything she denies herself for the sake of her career. And I love the note of wistfulness in Charlie's tone, especially the nod to his lost love (who is not permitted to be anyone but Tonks).
On to the next chapter!
This story is just stupidly good. How dare you write such an ultra-rare rarepair and make it so demmed sexy! I can't believe how much I just know about both characters, not only from their shared stories, but even in how they thought and how they shagged. Simply splendid.
I really wanted to strangle Charlie when he read Penelope's 'report' on the desk. I had a feeling of dread (as you likely recall), and when he turned all cold on her, I wanted to shout at him that she was just doing her job. I wasn't sure what was going to happen in the last part during the meeting, but I was hoping to hell that he was overreacting and that Penelope wouldn't do that. It made my day when she simply pointed out that Nico was hosing them.
She's going back! Yes yes yes yes YES! Lots more Charlope smut just waiting to pepper the senses! Gah, what a fabulous story! Wow, what a lot of exclamation points!
Summary: It is the Easter holiday at Hogwarts and Charlie Weasley has decided to stay at school instead of going home. He told his mother that he needed to study, but Charlie has something, or rather someone, on his mind.
Maybe this year a certain Metamorphmagus will become more than a friend?
Thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this story.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. She is far richer, far taller and is far more talented.
Happy Easter, MNFF'ers.
I know you said this was fluffy, but I like this sort of fluffy rumination. I always got the vibe from Tonks that she was a special sort of girl who could break the heart of a discerning wizard or two who could appreciate her brand of individuality. I always wanted Charlie to be that guy. And it overjoys me that SHE was the one who decided that she wasn't going to wait for him to wear the pants and take the initiative.
But I think my favourite part is actually this:
And they’d stood in line together and tried to predict who would get Sorted into which House. Tonks, he remembered, had been particularly bad at the game. When she was Sorted into Hufflepuff, the eleven-year-old Charlie Weasley had felt rather sad at losing his new friend because he knew he’d be a Gryffindor like his brother. However, after the Feast, she’d walked across the Great Hall and had whispered in his ear that she still wanted to be friends.
It shows that quirky and loyal side to Tonks that not only identifies her as a true Hufflepuff, but as a girl worthy to steal the heart of a sex god like Charlie. :D
Nice little piece!
Summary: For Remus Lupin, Easter has always been his favourite time of year. It has nothing to do with chocolate, he tells his friends, and everything to do with timing...
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling or the Easter Bunny, but here's a little Easter gift for everyone at MNFF.
Thank you Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this story and for being all round a ... a ... amazing.
Aww, I love that there was one thing — besides the obvious — that Remus could share with Tonks that no one else could, not even his best mates. I think it gives them a really touching moment as a couple, and that's not even considering the baby being born. Pieces like these are what make me believe in ships like Remus/Tonks.
Summary: Life is never smooth between lovers, especially when you wake up with them everyday.A tiny and fun one-shot featuring Scorpius/Hugo. This is for you, Lea. I really hope you like it! Thanks to Kara for being my eternal beta-reader. :D DISCLAIMER: I am not JK Rowling.
There are just so many wonderful things about this story that make it beautiful. I think what struck me was the normalcy of it. No one writes about domestic pettiness that often, but the way you've painted it is so realistic and well done. Relationships aren't about great love and all that junk; they're about overcoming stupid obstacles that no one ever thinks about but tend to topple the best of lovers. My brother's marriage actually ended over him not taking out the trash. Sure, that wasn't the whole story, but it was the tipping point.
My breath caught in my throat when Hugo rolled over clean-shaven. He is the ultimate piss-taker, and that he didn't let Scorpius have his way right away was giggly and perfect. It means that he knows and understands Scorpius's bitchy stread but loves him anyway and is prepared to deal with it.
You write these two so well, and I'm glad you cranked out this little tidbit of snazziness in the middle of the night. :D