Penname: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor [Contact]
Real name: Jessica
Member Since: 08/29/09
Website:
Beta-reader: Yes
Status: Administrator
Bio:

I am a recent member of the Harry Potter fandom, but I have always had a passion for the written word, and I hope to fulfill it here. I live in a relatively boring corner of Idaho, and I like Kokanee and a good book!

So, I suppose you're wondering what's up with my username. Even if you're not, this is how that happened. No, I was not aspiring to be a Gryffindor. I can't think of any house to which I would belong less than Gryffindor, in fact. It was a moment of clarity that I got while I was battling with myself about whether I should want to be Sorted into Gryffindor to be like Harry or to be Sorted elsewhere and follow my own path. I thought it to be much like the contemplative scene in Hamlet when he weighed taking his own life. I'm not trying to be melodramatic. That's simply is what popped into my head when I was trying to sign up to leave a review. :D

Any questions or comments about my work? Please shoot me an email at: tobeornottobeagryffindor@mugglenet.com — I'd love to hear from you!


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Reviews by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
 

Too Much; Too Young by h_vic
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: The Daily Prophet offers Severus shocking news and an unwelcome reminder of his past with Marlene McKinnon.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 1294 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/15/10 Updated: 08/20/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/27/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I suppose I'm of two minds with this story. On one hand, there is your beautifully tragic story of a 'thing' that was stupid and ill-advised. They loved in a time when 'til death do us part' wasn't such an impossiblity, which added to its sadness.

And on the other, the lack of any traces of Lily sort of bothers me. I know this story isn't about her and Severus, but it's almost unreal to expect his next relationship to not be coloured by how his relationship with Lily had ended. I won't say I don't believe in Severus/Marlene, because I adore the melancholy of it all, but it seemed like it needed at least some mention of Lily.

That's really all the crit I have. It was a lovely story. Off I go!

~Jess



Author's Response: The lack of Lily was quite deliberate in that everything I write about Severus ends up coloured by his love for Lily and for once I just wanted to write something utterly different, and also I think that there is an element of Severus not wanting to equate Marlene and Lily in anyway because Marlene wasn't supposed to mean anything (I think had she not fallen pregnant, he would have always passed it off to himself as a meaningless fling even if there was more to it than he's willing to admit to himself), whereas Lily means everything so to him any mental link between them acts to cheapen what he feels for Lily, if that makes sense. I think at some point I may go back and expand on that a little more in the story as you've got me thinking now. Thanks for yet another lovely review, dear.

 

Non-Pompous by h_vic
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Katie Bell discovers the perils of not knowing what (or whom) she wants and taking a close friend for granted.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 1894 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/22/10 Updated: 08/25/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/27/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Katie/Percy, eh? Considering my current Katie fixation, that is rather prepostorous to think that she loves anyone but our sex-on-a-stick Oliver. That aside, I love the sex in this story. it's a shame it had to be butchered for the masses. I really must hunt this one down and ogle the unadulterated sex in it. 

Heart the story, and it isn't all smut. And you thought you couldn't balance story with sex...busted, girl. Thou art busted.

~Jess



Author's Response: You are beyond awesome, my dear. Seriously, you utterly and completely made my day with all these reviews. My God though, woman, you are a reviewing machine! Oh, but of course Katie really only loves the incredibly sexy Mr Wood - she is just dallying with these other lesser boys! It was so hard to hack the smut out of this one because I stupidly laced plot and character development through it. And I'm glad you think it is more than just smut. Hehe.

 

Summary:

We are all influenced by the actions or inactions of our parents. The same is true of Scorpius Malfoy; he has been raised by an overly protective mother and a father who is still coming to grips with the mess that his own father made of his life. Scorpius knows that he will be judged at Hogwarts by what others know or think they know about his father and grandfather.

At Hogwarts Scorpius will meet:

Albus Potter the middle child of ‘The Great Harry Potter’ and Quidditch star Ginny Weasley Potter. A boy who not only has things to live up to but an older brother ready to remind him of who’s boss.

Rose Weasley, Albus’ surrogate sister/first cousin, struggling in her own way, not her mother’s way, to succeed.

Kaitlin Jones, daughter of Tornados player Owain Jones and favorite niece of Gwenog Jones, who is at home on a broom and lost almost everywhere else.

Jimber Dokes recent immigrant from the West Indies trying to fit his own magical heritage Vardoo with the Western style of magic taught at the school

Thad Vance, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, his grandfather and all of his uncles and aunts were killed by Death Eaters, maybe Lucius Malfoy

Meanwhile in London, Draco and Astoria Malfoy try to build a new life and legacy by betting all they own on a Potions Shop in Diagon Alley.

Beta Reader - Apurva Patel Chapters 1-3

Carol Paquette Chapter 1

Hogwartsbookworm Chapter 4-15

In memory of my Father Horace McConnell 1934-2010



Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 44992 Chapters: 15 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/25/10 Updated: 06/18/11


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/05/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Encounters on the Platform

Hello there. :D

I'm Jess and the resident lurker. I just saw your story in the Most Recent list and decided, after reading your fantastic summary, that I just had to check it out.

I myself have delved into the realm of Next-Generation quite extensively, so it's interesting to see where others see our favourite characters ending up. Your Draco is case in point. 

I like his voice. The way you have structured and worded his thoughts was very well-done. Traditionally, Draco is a judgmental little jerk, and it's good to see that you didn't leave that out completely. The best example is when he first encounters the Dokes, his first thought was 'Mudbloods' and how much he really wished they wouldn't come too near him. Now, I don't think Draco would really feel this way still after all this time, but it wouild end up being more of  a reflex than anything. I thought that part was very well done.

Inversely, in that opening scene, there were a few things I wasn't too sure about. First off, you have Astoria meeting Draco as a first-year and a fifth-year respectively, but, canonically, Astoria is only two years Draco's junior. It's not a big deal or anything, but you may want to make a note of it in case other canon drum beaters (you know...like me :D ) bring it up. The second part of that very same paragraph is more of what I wanted to bring up. Draco held Astoria's hand and smiled at her. As far as I can tell, Draco at Hogwarts would have never, ever, ever, ever, ever done anything of the sort, especially if the person was younger that him and therefore of no use to him. I know it doesn't sound like much, but attention to this sort of detail is what sets apart a good fic from a great fic. The story you have set up has the makings of greatness, especially with the characters you've crafted in your summary alone. It would be awesome for this story to do well.

Another qualm that I had that isn't so minor is the overall narrative voice. There were times during the opening of the chapter that I truly had no idea whose head we were in. 'Head hopping', more affectionately known as Third Person Omniscient is generally considered a no-no, but in this story, it's actually fitting. The problem lies with clearly defining whose head you're in, who's thinking. Several paragraphs, no matter how many times I read them, I truly had no idea. The most glaring example was this: 

 Dokes smiled. Draco stopped, caught his breath and in a soft voice added, “However, I must warn you that Draco’s grandfather was a criminal who has paid his debt, as they say. Yet some will not easily forgive. If your son were to travel with my son, he might get painted with the same brush.”

I think this is Draco's narrative voice, but I'm not sure. I'm not saying that you should, by any means, go back and rip it all apart and re-write it, but perhaps, in the future, you might want to be wary of confusing the reader. 

I'm also a little bit put off by the use of substitutes for a person's name in writing. For instance, in the second to last paragraph, in reference to Professor Longbottom, he was termed as 'the man', 'the teacher', 'the professor', and 'Longbottom. This is somewhat of a device for us writers to employ in order to avoid repetitiveness, but instead of gaining the desired result, it just looks sort of sloppy. Using this method here and there is fine, but that many usages in one paragraph pushes on the extreme and is offputting to readers. It's like using terms like 'the Slytherin', 'the blonde', and 'Malfoy' instead of Draco. There are a good number of Malfoys, even more Slytherins, and definitely more blondes. It's just makes for better habits to refer to characters by their names. Getting creative to avoid rampant repetitiveness in other ways is a good challenge.

Another thing. In the beginning, Scorpius is wearing black silk robes, yet Draco had only two Galleons to send to school with his son. I know appearances have and always will matter to Draco, but that seems to be slightly on the realm of impractical. I know it's a matter of my own personal preference, but I don't see Draco's need to keep up appearances extending that far. If they were just plain black robes like everyone else's, the thought would have never occurred to me. 

Okay, so, by now, you're probably like, "Who is this person and what is she on about?" I'm just trying to impart some lessons that I had learnt the hard way by receiving some rather unsavory reviews and harsh comments on my work. They've shaped me into a much better writer, and I want to share that experience with everyone, but without the sting that such things can bring along with them. I'm an open book in that regard.

Now, after that bit of crit (rhyming not intentional), I would love to get back to the fun stuff--talking Malfoy!

I really like the way you've portrayed Scorpius. He doesn't seem as judgmental as Draco, which speaks volumes of how much Draco has tried to better himself as a human being and the amount of growing up that he had done before having a child. I also like that he sees his father as his source of everything important. Several times, he had brought up in his personal narrative something that Draco had told him to watch for, and he, the dutiful son, did so. It shows how, no matter how much Draco tried to stray from Lucius's example of fatherhood, that mark of respect for the father figure still remained in the Malfoy family. It really speaks of reality to me, which is something that these wizarding families that people portray in their fan fiction sometimes lack for me as a reader. 

Jimber is also a interesting character. He owns this open, bald honesty that is shocking to Scorpius, like when he was discussing how badly Hagrid's dog stank and about a similarly-smelling dog in his homeland. It's obvious that Jimber is proud of this memory, which leads me to believe that his upbringing is not unlike Scorpius's and that there might be a very good reason why the Dokes are no longer in their native country and are in London instead. I can't wait to find out.

I also am anxious to see more of your Rose. I always had her pegged as much more outspoken, but she seems more like a young Ginny to me--quiet but quick to defend her hero. I'm curious to see which direction you take with her.

All in all, you have a fantastic start to this story, and I will definitely be checking out any further updates you produce, plus possibly visiting your author page to check out your Luna stories. Thank you for reading this far, and have a lovely day!

~Jess



Author's Response: Thanks for you comments. My POV confusion and misuse of commas has driven multiple beta-readers crazy and one into retirement. I did not find the information about Astoria's age until after I'd submitted the story. I've adjusted the paragraph in this chapter and a future reference in an upcoming chapter between Astoria and the Dokes. As for Rose, I've always had trouble with finding Hermione's voice. It wasn't until I wrote a chapter in my unpublished story Gwenog Jones and the Seduction of Ginevra Weasley(my fourth story attempt) did I find my inner Hermione. Granger was an only child. Rose is the older child of her family and is also surrounded a sea by Weasley cousins. She grew up going from reading books recommended by her mother to playing in the rough and tumble games of Quidditch at family get-togethers. I see Rose as a very reflective and more socially attune Hermione with a touch of Weasley sass. If you follow the story, you will find Draco mentally praising Rose's goal keeper skills while at the same time downgrading her father's skill. (Writing Draco can be such fun) Thanks for you comments, my second chapter is under review and my third chapter just got returned by my beta-reader .+.HjMc+.+

 

The Bookshop Owner's Gift by h_vic
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 14]

Summary: Past Featured StoryScorpius Malfoy never expected the brief visit to his bookshop of a rude woman with no interest in books to give him so much to think about.



This story won the 2011 Next Generation one shot QSQ

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 6533 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/04/10 Updated: 09/10/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/15/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oh, je t'adore, Madam Hannah. You simply have the gift of wrapping someone up in a story and making me wish it was a novel so it wouldn't have to end. I so very much love your portrayal of Rose and Scorpius both. They're not what I expect, and considering how much Next-Gen I read, that's so fantastic. I don't feel like I already know them out of the gate because they're just like everyone else's characters. They were brand new to me and I got to learn about them and learn to love them all over again.

Now I really want to read the smut version of it. :D

Lovely to see you as usual,

~Jess



Author's Response: You made me grin so much with this review, Jess! I did really want to do something different with them here, and I'm so glad it came across as original and that you still loved the characters despite them not being what you expected. If you haven't found the smut version yet, it's on my writing LJ, but really the only change is the presence of a single gratuitously unnecessary and reasonably explicit scene.

 

He Left by h_vic
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Past Featured StoryHe left. Katie Bell has moved on; she loves someone else, but it's not enough – she can't let go of him. When they meet for a drink one night, it can only bring back memories and pain.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Substance Abuse

Word count: 1053 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/06/10 Updated: 09/12/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/15/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Ooh, I love love love this ever so much. I have to admit that I've had conversations with people who weren't actually there while drinking a bit too much. I so get now why the bartender was looking at her with concern...he thinks she's freaking crackers.

I like the realism and sheer possibility of this story, and while I still ship Draco/Katie in my heart, this odd, posthumous pairing is wonderful to contemplate.

Off I go now to read The Bookshop Owner's Gift. Rated Professors? Goody. :D

~Jess



Author's Response: I've already told you that you made my evening with these reviews, my dear, but thank you again. I think it's probably something we've all done - I know I have. Actually, the whole concept stemmed from the beginning of a potential mental conversation with someone who wasn't there. I'm so glad that you picked up on the barman thinking she's lost it, because I wasn't sure if that was really clear enough, and I was trying to lay hints that something wasn't entirely normal. That's the thing, in my heart Katie/Oliver will always be my OTP, and yet my muse merrily and frequently pairs Katie with anyone and everyone in the vicinity (Fred, Charlie, Percy, Seamus, Dean and counting). I think I do need to explore Katie/Draco though.

 

Frozen Silence by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: A poem (nay, a tritina!) written about the last moments of Sirius Black's death.

Disclaimer: Although I may want to own Sirius Black (and often claim he's my husband), he does in fact belong to JK Rowling.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 112 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/15/10 Updated: 09/15/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/15/10 Title: Chapter 1: Frozen Silence

Ah, such a lovely poem with awesome flow. I like how you have crafted the Veil to be a living, breathing entity that almost feeds on its victims.

Very well done, EQ. I tried to submit mine, but I was like 17 words short. I may have to fluff the word count a little by 'explaining' the tritina. :D

*hugs*

~Jessssssss



Author's Response: Thank you 2B *giggles*. Yes, I had to explain my tritina and pay tribute to Natalie and Julia in the content because I was 35 words short *sigh* ~Carole~

 

What Lies Behind by C_A_Campbell
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 28]

Summary: Past Featured StoryWinner of the 2011 QSQ Award for Best Dark/Angsty One-shot! It is true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes just before you die. As Theodore Nott, Death Eater like his father before him, stands on the battlefield in what is surely Hogwarts and his final hours, he remembers all that lays behind him: his father, the Dark Lord, the one girl he ever loved, and the thing he has forced himself to forget.

But you remember, don't you, Theodore?

Please tell me you remember me.


Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 9871 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/15/10 Updated: 09/17/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/19/10 Title: Chapter 1: Do you remember?

Greetings!

Oh, I do so adore fics that give a life and a story to characters that slip through the cracks. There are few characters that are more on a nonentity in Harry’s Hogwarts class than Theo Nott and Lisa Turpin. Now, I’ve always had my own ideas about them, but for the moment, I’m going to focus on this brilliant little world that you’ve created for the two of them.

I get Theo. I don’t mean that I see him and understand what he’s like; I truly can commiserate with the sort of person he was during school. I suppose that’s why your characterisation of him is so powerful to me, for he holds the power of nothing. The fact that he is so very unapologetically so is just so striking. It’s a brave move to make your protagonist someone that one shouldn’t notice and/or care about, but you did and it was brilliant.

One thing that was odd was the sequence through which you flashed back in his life. However, the order of the memories had to be the way they were for the ending not to be all…’yeah, I knew that was coming’. Hmm…that made more sense in my head. I guess what I mean is that generally, non-chronological flashbacks are generally a no-no, but in this case, it was perfect. Okay, that is more what I meant to say, lol.

Lisa. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I liked that she was nerdy and extremely average-looking. She instantly became every boy’s first real crush, that nerdy girl that loved chess club too much. She wasn’t the brave, fiery Gryffindor girl who spat in the face of anyone who wore green and silver; she was quiet and unassuming, not unlike Theo. It is these qualities that make her such a rich and valuable character for your story and the way it plays out. You took naught but a name and gave her an identity, and that is so fantastic how you did it.

Theodore Sr…man, what a bastard. I truly hated the man from the first couple of paragraphs. I wanted him to die a horrible death, because I knew he had something to do with how damaged Theo was. To think that you could elicit such a reaction from me—and I don’t get that way often—speaks of the level of care and precision that you must have taken while writing this story. His sheer evil and selfishness toward is own end just made him the perfect villain. Voldemort is what he is, and everyone knows that. He hides nothing. But Theodore…he is the true face of what evil means, couching his own agenda in his supposed fatherly love and care. For that, he may rot in hell with Bellatrix and Milli Vanilli. I hope that in your personal canon for this story, someone eventually shot him in the face with a Blasting Curse or something vile.

And last but not least, Evelyn. Nothing on this planet surpasses the amount of love she held for her precious little boy. I had a feeling that the subtle questions throughout the story were from her, and I was pleased to see that I was right. Had it been his ‘conscience’, it might have ruined the potency of the story, but you did beautifully. So very much so. She wasn’t some spineless pushover, even though she tried to be one for Theo’s sake, but in the end, she knew that Theo needed her to be strong and take him away. The fact that she didn’t succeed doesn’t lessen this, either. In fact, it strengthens it.

In the end, though, I think Theo learnt to be strong from his mother. He knew that Voldy was going to kill him, and he didn’t care. He didn’t beg for his life like Draco would have done, and he didn’t give the Dark Lord the satisfaction of his pain. He put on his best ‘screw you’ face and let them do their worst. And for that, you’ve just made him one of my most favourite characters in fan fiction.

Plodding along, I shall address one more thing. I will freely admit that, when I first opened the story, I was intimidated by the idea of reading an almost 10K word fic in second person. In fact, I have a hard time making myself read a 1K word fic in second person, as it is probably my least favourite perspective. That being said, as I was chatting with Elené pretty much the entire time she was betaing this story, I was on the front lines of how much she completely raved about this story. Now, I didn’t know it was in second person, but that thought didn’t leave me as I told myself, “You can do this.”

I don’t think I’ve read any of your stuff before, so I was a bit…unsure about delving into second person of this magnitude, but I am so very glad I did. Your power to evoke emotional responses with what you write is so good that it’s almost orgasmic. I mean, you expect this sort of thing from non-fiction writing about people who saved the world with a ball of string and a prayer or something like that; but you did it telling the story of someone who was in a void throughout much of his life. That brings me to the conclusion of: holy crap, you’re good.

That’s all from me. This story was brilliant and a half, and I will endeavour to remember this far down the line when it comes time to nominate for next year’s QSQs, because this story is completely capable of winning one. Thanks for making it this far, and I hope my air raid bombing of ‘squee’ didn’t send you ducking under a couch somewhere…I hear there’s a hippogriff under there that will peck at your face. :D

Take care and happy writing,

~Jess

P.S. — Go Eagles!


Author's Response: I too adore minor characters and stories focused around them. It just feels that Harry, Ron, Hermione and people like them have already had their stories told, and I love writing the untold stories. I would love to hear your opinions on Theo and Lisa, and I'm glad you enjoyed my characterization of them so well. About the order of the memories. I have a tendency to be a bit of a rebel when it comes to writing rules (well that ones that aren't about grammar and Mary-Sues and such -- I'm a big supporter of them). So though I know flashbacks are supposed to go in order, I ignored it. Not just because of the impact on the story but because I don't believe that's the way PEOPLE think of memories.People's minds are always filled with random thoughts and strange emotions and memories that generally don't follow a proper timeline. People are messy; sometimes writing should be too. (I hope that made sense, lol. But it probably didn't.) Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, hm? I never really gave much thought to her before I chose to put her into this story. I chose her because all we knew about her was that she was a Ravenclaw. And I liked the idea of placing Theodore with someone smart, as honestly I don't think he would have patience or be captivated by someone who was less intelligent, like he was with her. Her personality stemmed from wanting to avoid as many cliches as possible. As you said, the fiery Gryffindor. It seems that the only girls with any real romance were these girls. (Lily, Ginny, even Hermione). It would say these are the typical girls you see in most romance books, even outside of Harry Potter and especially in the fanfiction world. Maybe it's just me, but I get tired of those sort of characters. Not to mention I avoid cliches at all cost. I wanted Lisa to be kind and non-overbearing, and very very smart, if a bit shy. Theodore being the hesitant person he is would be able to be drawn to her, without being intimidated like he would have with a fiery Gryffindor. Besides, her character wasn't too difficult for me to create. She sort of just stepped onto the page and said, "This is who I am; write me" while twirling that piece of hair. It seems most of the characters I work with do that, and I do my best to stay out of their way. Concerning Nott Sr, I agree with absolutely everything you said. If it hadn't been for him and the pressure he placed upon Theodore, can you imagine what Theodore might have become? I say in the story Theodore had his choice, and he did, but he would never have been forced into such a horrible decision if it hadn't been for his father. As for my personal canon, I know in this story I left it where he didn't die, and though it would be sweet justice if he was killed or at least thrown into Azkaban (though even that would be too merciful for the likes of him) I'm not the sort of person who believes in happy endings. As you might tell in the way this story ended, with so much death (though Theo did find the peace he couldn't have in life in the next). I don't believe evil is ever completely vanquished. Theodore Sr. deserves to die, but too often true evil gets away, wearing its mask of sheep's clothing. And Theodore was indeed that wolf. But one day, I'm sure he got his just reward. Maybe not at that battle or in his life, but certainly in the next. Can you imagine? Him seeing his wife and son and that "Mudblood" all living happily, while he is left a broken and withering soul and is taken to a place where there is no mercy for the wicked, and no mask that can save him. And THAT would be much sweeter vengeance. As for Evelyn being the voice, I just couldn't have it being Theodore's conscience. It would seem out of character for him, seeing as he silenced his conscience for so long, but he could never silence his mother, whispering to him from the other side where she waited for him. Yes, she did indeed love him, and I'm glad you picked up the person she was and I wanted her to be. And you're perfectly right that Theodore learned his strength from his mother. Theodore wasn't his father's son; he was his mother's through and through. About second person. I think this and the tiny drabble it started is the only thing I've written in second perspective, but I like testing myself and trying new styles. I realize it is the least common, and I probably would have run the other way if I had seen so long of a fic written like this. But I'm so glad you didn't. And Elene had high praise for me, certainly, but I had no idea she was raving about it. I'm truly flattered. Really. By her and by everything you've said. Really I cannot say thank you enough for all your wonderful compliments. I am certainly not hiding under the couch by your squee, though I'm sure it would be a nice place. I personally would have loved a stuffed animal like Feathers. Thank you again. So very much. Happy writing to you as well, fellow Claw! Chante'

 
Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/19/10 Title: Chapter 1: Do you remember?

Oh! I realised one thing that jolted me out of a sound sleep in its intensity.

 “This is what you plan to do, Evelyn?” he asks, his voice vicious. “Stun me and leave with my son.”

and

Your father begins to climb to his feet, but your spell is quick. “Stupefy!

 

This parallel is just...ahhhhhhh! Made of win! Theo's mother thought that she could just stun Theodore Sr. and leave, and Theo thought that he could just Stun him and leave. Neither succeeded. Wow, that is a wonderful little nugget to plant in there. :D

I'm tired and probably not making any sense, so I'll just shut up now. *Iugs*

~Jess

 

Ariana by inspirations
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: Who killed Ariana Dumbledore? This is about the pain, the guilt, the not knowing.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Violence

Word count: 174 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/17/10 Updated: 09/19/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/19/10 Title: Chapter 1: Ariana

Hello there.

Yeah, um...wow. Just...wow. If ever repetition was unnoticeable, this is it. I read through it, in awe the entire time, and I completely forgot that it was a tritina until I read yoru chapter notes. That is how much you rock.

I have no idea how I won that challenge, because your poem is pure grace and elegance. Gah, this review is turning out stupid and rambly, but I love this poem so much. I'm also excited to be its first read and review. :D

Take care and happy writing, 

~Jess



Author's Response: LOL, thanks Jess. -squishes- And don't put your poem down, because it definitely deserved first place! :D xx

 

A Clock on the Face of Hell by IdSayWhyNot
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Fate was sealed that night. I was to live and fight, to breathe and conquer. The night I died and lived England celebrated the end of the nightmare that had yet to begin and praised the baby they would later fear and hate. I am Harry Potter. I am legend.

Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Book 7 Disregarded, Character Death, Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 11411 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
09/18/10 Updated: 10/03/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 10/08/10 Title: Chapter 2: The Devil and the Clock

I put this story on my reading list the moment the prologue came through the queue because it was just too off-the-wall not to. Sometimes, it's cool to step into the realm of the strange and unusual to see what might have been, and though it seems cruel of me, I think I like seeing this mirror into a parallel universe where all was not well.

There are several fascinating implements in this story, starting with the idea of a sort of giant time turner, and ending with the bizarre magic that made it work.

There were times that Harry's characterisation seemed off, but then I had to stop and think that this is simply a different kind of story that required a different viewpoint, one that commiserated with a lost and broken Harry who had been too jaded by the world to be 'just Harry' anymore. 

I am curious, though...why Flitwick? Was his presence picked for a significant purpose, or did he just pop into your mind as someone you wanted to use? It by no means affects my view on the story, but I do admit to wondering.

All in all, despite being wildly different than anything that I've ever read before, this fic is really interesting, and I shall continue to read updates. Normally, I would go into more detail as to my kudos and qualms, but it's half three in the morning, and I can't be arsed to review properly at this juncture. Do forgive me. :D

Cheers and happy writing!

~Jess

 

What We Lost in the War by solemnlyswear_x
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Susan Bones reflects on coming home.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1070 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/19/10 Updated: 09/19/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/20/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

What is this? Melissa's back on the Most Recent Page?

Okay, I'll shut up now. I really like the tone of this story. It's not like a narration so much as Susan's streaming thoughts. The way you brougth that about with the little notes in parentheses seems to me like these losses and changes were sparked by a reminder and hence inserted there. That adds to the way the perspective suits the story.

I think my favourite line is when she tells Justin to not be a fatass and pass the pudding. She probably wouldn't have said that a year prior, which adds tothe meaning of your last parenthetical part about gaining some things despite what they've lost. 

I really appreciate the flow with which the story reads. You put a lot of meaning into 1000 words, and that sort of brevity is something that still escapes me (as you've no doubt noticed). 

Cheers and happy writing. I look forward to further appearances on the MR list. :D

~Jesssssss (masquerading as a Slytherin because my House members are embarrassing us in the Reference Desk; now taking open applications to be abducted into another house...oh, and I'll shut up now XD )

 

A Friendship Broken by mudbloodproud
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: *”Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter,” said Lupin. “I assume that’s why you didn’t tell me, Sirius?” he said casually over Pettigrew’s head.

“Forgive me, Remus,” said Black.

“Not at all, Padfoot, old friend,” said Lupin, who was now rolling up his sleeves. “And will you, in turn, forgive me for thinking you were the spy?”

“Of course,” said Black, and the ghost of a grin flitted across his gaunt face…*



Those words, spoken between two old friends, lead one to wonder why two friends could have ever suspected each other of being a traitor. What could have happened once they left school to make them distrust each other?


**Quote is directly from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – Chapter 19 – The Servant of Lord Voldemort - page 273


Everything you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am just thankful to be able to play in her world for a little while.


This story is dedicated to Carole. She gave me the prompt to inspire my muse again and without her, I think my muse would still be in hiding. Carole, thank you for bring back the voices in my head. And your invaluable Brit-picking.

I must also thank Bine for doing a quick and valuable beta job for me on this. Muse wasn’t interested in making sure it was all correct, she just wanted to write.



Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 8560 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
09/26/10 Updated: 10/10/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 10/08/10 Title: Chapter 1: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

Ooh, Terri, what a wonderful coincidence!

Hehe. :D This is a very nice example of positing a scenario that has very good opportunity to be true. I think Sirius's distrust of Remus was well-explained, and the natural leap for him was to suspect Remus after he left so suddenly. The others didn't agree because they never truly believed that there was a traitor in the first place, let alone that it could be Remus. 

I think you did a fabulous job making Peter nondescript and unassuming. He seems the bumbling idiot sometimes in fanon, but anyone who is capable of hoodwinking the entire Order for a year is definitely not an idiot. The bit where he was the first to ask how they were going to go about protecting the Potters was excellent foreshadowing of how the events ended up occurring canonically.

My only real nitpick is that there are times in the dialogue when common contractions aren't used, which make the characters' speech sound more robotic than fluid and natural. It's nothing big, but I'd be a complete fail of a reviewer if I didn't point out things that bothered me, as well as what I liked.

All in all, this is an excellent story, and I can't wait for your muse to gift us with the other half. And what the hell was Remus doing with the werewolves?!

Ta and wonderful story. :D

~Jess



Author's Response: Jess,

Thank you for your review. Ah, contractions... I am so careful when I write Dumbledore to never use them, that other characters tend to suffer for a lack of them. Though I detest Peter, writing him as an idiot or just comic relief would not be true to the whole Marauder characterisation. So, I do always spend time putting little things in that make him seem more Marauderish. {is that even a real word? LOL}

Muse has Remus' half done, but my poor beta isn't feeling well, so it is delayed in coming back. But now muse has an idea for a final chapter, so I guess I will be writing a third chapter to this.

Thanks again.

Terri

 

Summary: Hermione returns from Australia to finish her education only to discover one fatal error she made in her absence. She missed Snape's funeral. She has a reason, but she isn't sure it will be accepted.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity

Word count: 1683 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/02/10 Updated: 10/05/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 10/07/10 Title: Chapter 1: I Sent a Letter Saying I Approved

Hi, Molly. I noticed your story in the Most Recent list, as well as your banner request, so I decided to take a look.

As much as I really don't want to say this, you could have done much better in this story. The characterisation wasn't so much Hermione as it seemed like your own personal feelings about Snape imprinted on her. I know Hermione is your favourite character, so it's rather disappointing that you let this fic fall short of the potential it possesses. 

Ron was great. He was adequately cowed my Hermione's bitchy attitude, and he was more in keeping with the Ron that pulled Harry out of that frozen pond than anything, which was excellently done.

I just wish that Hermione had been more like herself. The rampant swearing is case in point. In all the books, she never used the words 'damn' and 'hell', let alone the words 'bastard' -- and especially -- 'bullshit'. The beginning was in keeping with her character, but the further into profanity she delved, the more she departed from the true Hermione Granger.

There were also several glaring punctuation mistakes, such as no question marks after interrogative sentences and misused semicolons. I suggest that you find yourself a third beta who is stronger on punctuation (in that regard, Apurva is definitely the best) to correct these errors for you. I know the story is already validated, but I'm guessing you want your fics to be a reflection on you as a writer, which entails a certain pedigree of excellence.

I hope you don't think I'm picking on you, but you can do much better than this. I hope that, if I check on this story down the line, that you've possibly taken a bit of this to heart.

Have a good evening,

~Jess



Author's Response: Don't worry about any hard feelings. I'm a big girl, and I know you just want to help make this the best story it can be. I actually am thinking about sending this around for a third round of betaing, but sadly, Apruva is not available. But there are other PIs.

 

My Black Brother by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: He realises his brother was right.



Winner of Stage 2: Free Verse the Second Annual October Triathlon at Poetry Anyone. Nominated for a QSQ for Best Poetry.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 123 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/24/10 Updated: 10/25/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 10/25/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Ooh, how very dark and awesome. :D

I like to think that failure to question the status quo is something only idiots do, but we both know that Regulus wasn't an idiot.I'd like to amend that to 'oblivious to the alternative', because that seems to fit better. You illustrate that so well. It's angsty, but not emo-ish, which makes it sparkle so very much. 

I think my favourite part is the entire last stanza. It says so much about how much Regulus regrets not having the bollocks to find his own way instead of living the life that was mapped out for him before he was born.

Gah, you so rock, and so does this poem, Madame Greengrass. I heart you!

~Jess



Author's Response: Hello!



:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Yep, you're so right. He was oblivious to the alternative, but he'd want to think that he didn't really know how to question it. ;) The last stanza is my favourite as well. I'm actually quite proud of this poem, if I may say so.



Thanks for reading and reviewing, Jess! I <3 you too!



~Natalie

 

Juggling by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 19]

Summary: Lily Evans wasn’t the only Gryffindor with a childhood friend. Whilst she was meeting the boy who would introduce her to the magical world, someone else was learning how to mix with Muggles.

This is not, however, a story about Lily Evans. This is a tale about James Potter and the Muggle girl that he never quite forgot.

This story is for Natalie (hestiajones) who makes me laugh more than most people and has been a very supportive friend, despite our separate continents. Happy Birthday, mate!

I’m indebted to Gina (Gmariam) who kindly offered to beta this short one-shot, and then didn’t complain when it mushroomed into a chaptered fic.

Because of an archive gliitch, this fic has been temporarily put down a rating. the content remains the same and it is still a 6th-7th. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. If I had been, then Sirius, Remus, James, Lily and Tonks would not have died. Peter, however would have died in an icky manner

OMMPP! Juggling won 2 QSQ's for Best Chaptered Marauder and Dita won Best Original Character. Seriously pleased and shocked here. Thank you.

The chapter titles are all from Keane songs.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 16283 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/29/10 Updated: 11/13/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 10/29/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - On a Day Like Today

This is so totally an 'awwww' story. I just adore the fact that James is so like himself, but you still managed to make him not so fat-headed. That subsequently leads me to believe that he learnt it from that nasty Black boy. :D

Darling story, and I can't wait for the thrilling conclusion... *in best TV narrator voice*

 

~Jess



Author's Response: You mean that 'nasty Black boy' that I adore - ha ha. Thank you, Jess, it gets a bit darker and less fluffy in the other chapters. But actually, I hope you'll see the change between James and Sirius because there's a small part of that coming up. Thanks for the review. ~Carole~

 

It Could Never Be by Gmariam
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: A poem about all those couples whose love was never meant to be.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 211 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/29/10 Updated: 10/29/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 10/29/10 Title: Chapter 1: It Could Never Be

I know you still have your doubts and all that about it, but this really is a fantastic poem. The iambic pentameter is absolutely flawless, and it beautifully escapes the trap of sacrificing content for structure. It flows so perfectly, and every syllable is just right to set up a steady rhythm, which in itself lends even more to the concept of the poem.

A kiss destroys, chaste feelings all undone:
Lips crash, cry out a frantic song of lust.
They quickly join their burning flesh as one,
Their consummation sealed by one last thrust.

This is without a doubt my favourite part. It is just so real and emotive, and I can't help but feel like I'm there (in that non-creepy, non-voyeur way, of course). There is just so much bang packed into that verse, and it's it serves almost as a climax, leaving the last two lines to be that feeling of floating back down to earth and landing in a puffy little pile of denial, like prior restriction just doesn't exist for them, the couple of the reader's choice. Then again, I think you know who came into my mind. :D

Awesome, fantastic, and gorgeous sonnet, dear, and I'm so glad you posted it so I could praise it in public. You are truly gifted in the art of structural poetry.

~Jess



Author's Response: Wow, Jess, thanks so much! What an amazing review. I'm actually pretty happy with how this turned out--it's just not much compared to some of the other stuff out there today. I really enjoy writing poems with such strict rhythm, at least when I actually get the inspiration to write poetry. For some reason, I was inspired to write this poem and it came really quickly. Thanks for the suggestion on that one line, it's perfect. And thanks for the great review! ~Gina :)

 

In His Hollow Eyes by h_vic
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Past Featured StoryWhen Harry died to defeat Voldemort, it damaged him. Some indefinable part of Harry was left behind, leaving him dark and empty. Hermione has done what she could to shelter him, but perhaps there are some things from which there is just no coming back.

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Mental Disorders, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 2229 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/05/10 Updated: 11/07/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 11/09/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I would hereby like to formally squee over this fic. Yayayayay, I can finally say, "HA! I knew it was you." XD

I just adored the utter darkness of this story. I do love me a damaged!Harry fic, and it was as if you took the darkest of darkness and moulded me a story with all of my favourite things in it: death, violence, sex, and madness. You are my hero (won't say 'heroine' because it sounds too drugg-y) for writing such a haunting, beautiful story.

Good morning, by the way. When I get caught up on my NaNo word count and finish up my Katie/Oliver (almost done!), I'll stop being so lurky. 

Heart you. 

~Jess



Author's Response: Oh I love the concept of formal squeeing! You are hereby formally thanked. I figured there wasn't a chance in hell that you wouldn't spot I'd written this (who else would write you messed up, dark smut after all?). I loved being able to write death, violence, sex and madness (given that they are my favourites too) and know that you'd enjoy it (for rather than in spite of its oddness). I'm so glad you liked it, dear!

 

Rise And Fall by pattybuns_hpf
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 1]

Summary: A piece of poetry that describes the rise and fall of Tom Marvolo Riddle or Lord Voldemort for the matter.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 160 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/19/10 Updated: 11/23/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 02/17/11 Title: Chapter 1: Rise And Fall

Hi, Patty!

My name is Jess. I noticed that your poem has no reviews, so today, I shall endeavour to give you helpful and constructive advice, as well as some deserved praise, for your poem.

The first thing I noticed is that the opening stanza reminds me greatly of how Merope would have felt once she stopped dosing Tom Riddle Sr with the love potion. It parallels well with ‘the light falling’, or essentially the end of her happiness, and then she is poor and without prospects, waiting for her baby to arrive. I do wonder whether this was your intent, but it is a gorgeous start to the story you’re telling in this poem

This theme for me carried over for me to the second stanza, especially with the disease and the screaming (her in labour). I recall in the memories shared with Harry in HBP that there was something unsettling about Merope’s very presence at the orphanage, as well as with baby Tom. It’s a remarkable correlation, and quite well done.

But then I got to the third stanza and the line ‘He killed them all’. I will admit, it threw me a bit. There was this gorgeous buildup of the sad, destructive circumstances that started Tom’s descent into what he was when we first met him, and then he ‘killed them all’; it almost feels too rushed. There wasn’t a mention of the disillusion he felt about finding his true parentage, which is what fuelled his rage and pushed him over the edge. Perhaps if there had been a transitional stanza, or at least a line acknowledging this, it would have made this the best stanza of the whole poem.

The fourth stanza is gorgeous. It emphasises how Tom got a taste for killing, revenge, and the assertion of his power. I really like how you outlined his lack of conscience after having committed murder. There was no frilly language — just matter of fact, just like his intent. In fact, the only thing about the whole stanza that doesn’t quite fit well is the word ‘cower’, and when dealing with such heavy themes, it’s easy to go overboard.

There are aspects of the fifth and sixth paragraphs that are slightly redundant, which dilutes the intensity that was built in the previous stanzas. One simple way around that is to blend them together, which would greatly assist the flow and unintended repetition, and it would have the potential to act like a crescendo instead of a long transition.

I have to admit, when I first read the ending stanza, I was confused. It seems like each line says the same thing but phrased in a different way. Reading it over a few more times, it doesn’t feel as much like this is the case, but I didn’t find it as poignant of satisfying as the other segments. The point of view seems to switch to less of a dispassionate narrative and more of a single person’s judgment of Voldemort, which is rather obvious in the last line. I don’t know if I have any suggestions to fix it, but perhaps looking at it from that perspective might give you an insight into the stanza that you hadn’t considered before.

All in all, your command of punctuation to regulate flow is really good. The semicolon is one of the most misused and abused keys on the keyboard, so it makes me happy to see it used well in this poem, which deals with one of my favourite subjects. You have a mostly gorgeous poem, and I truly believe that, with a little bit of tweaking and revision, it could be even better. I read in your profile that you don’t consider yourself a writer, but your writing begs to differ. Poetry is difficult, time-consuming, and has the highest risk of failure of almost any form of writing at all, but you have done well, both with this and your other poem posted on this site. I’d hereby like to encourage you to keep pursuing it. Look up different poem structures and try some brand new things, and you’ll be surprised how rewarding it can be to see that you’ve risen to the challenge.

I hope that I was able to offer you some pertinent and valuable advice in order to hone both this poem and your skills as a writer. You have good talent, and only trying, trying, and more trying will build your abilities until you find yourself the peer of the authors you love to follow. I hope to see you on the Most Recent list in the near future!

 

Take care and happy writing,

~Jess

 

Over A Mug of Tea by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: I think of her as a sister.

The words rang clearly, loudly in his mind.

I think of her as a sister.

But did he?

Happy Birthday, Julia! You know you're one of the only two people on earth I'd do this for. :D

Thank you, Carole, for looking it over. And I am so not J.K.Rowling.

Nominated for a QSQ in the General Category.

Categories: Harry/Hermione Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 2086 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/19/10 Updated: 11/21/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 11/22/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Ooh, this is absolutely stellar. It was so sweet and innocent, hardly even a blip on the radar, but it changed everything for Harry. It's unbelievable how well you've spun this perfect little tale, woven in and out of canon, and the characters are unmistakably themselves.

I suppose this is a story about people changing, which is the entire premise of why I love Harmony so much. I never believed that they were attracted to one another during the books, though there were times that it was possible, but as people move on later in life, as we both know, things that mattered to us before don't matter anymore, and things that had never crossed are mind are coming to the forefront. The very idea of Harmony for me is based upon this idea of people changing. 

Very, very lovely fic, dear Natalie. Heart heart, favorited.

~Jess



Author's Response: I suppose this is a story about people changing

exactly! I wanted the story to be less about what happened that night, than what it meant for Harry as a person, and what it meant for his relationship with Hermione. It is something that happened without any planning, and I think that was what scared him the most.

Possibilities, eh? ;)

Thanks for such a lovely review. I shall now bask in the glory of my success, as both you and Julia have given this fic your seals of approval.

~Natalie

 

Shattered by Gmariam
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 19]

Summary: Past Featured StoryThe Boy Who Lived discovers that he may not have escaped the Final Battle unscathed after all.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Mental Disorders

Word count: 2864 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/21/10 Updated: 11/21/10


Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 01/04/11 Title: Chapter 1: Shattered

Can you believe it’s taken me this long to get around to reading not only angsty, screwed up, post-war Harry, but one that you wrote? Jess fails in that regard, Twin. For that, I can only apologise. Oh, and leave you a much better review. :D

It’s so difficult to put into words how I feel about this story. It would seem weird if I said it was lovely or fantastic, because that would make me seem a bit sadistic, deriving enjoyment from someone slowly losing his mind in the worst way possible, but I do love it — so very, very much — because of these things.

As you know, I have always held that there is no earthly way that Harry could walk out of the Battle thinking of sandwiches and kittens and rainbows. I think he woke up from that nap in a completely different state of mind. This story is almost a realisation of the most extreme instance of how things could have turned out: dark, diseased, destitute, and damned.

At first, I thought that the ‘you’ was Ron, since he was the closest Weasley to Harry (despite what those ebil canon shippers say), but I actually found it a pleasant surprise to be wrong. I mean, it sounded like Ron, but there was something a bit off about it, almost too reverent toward Harry and their past together. Ginny was far more apt in this role, and I’m glad you chose her.

One detail that almost slipped by me is when you said ‘even George’. I’m glad you share my views on post-war George being rather detached and screwed up, almost like how Harry was in my mind. It’s scary when we commiserate on our characterisation views and find so many commonalities in them and how we think such and such characters turned out, and George is a perfect example of that. And all of that dark speculating fits so marvellously well into this fic, which is almost an incarnation of the worst case scenario past wondering about Kreacher bringing Harry a sandwich.

During the fic, I hypothesised that maybe when Harry had come back from King’s Cross, he was so singularly focussed on his mission that when that was over, something in his brain snapped, like a robot awaiting its orders but doesn’t get any, sending it into ‘TILT’ mode. I was far more impressed with your version, though. What a clever way to construct this scenario, taking something that happened in canon but adding a new twist to it to create your alternate reality.

What an insidious device, this spell. There is a reason that there are two other spells which are ‘Unforgivable’ that aren’t the most blatant one (murder), and it’s because they both involve the mind. The Imperius is obvious in its connotations with the brain, and also the Cruciatus in how it can evoke madness in excess; spells which affect the mind are the worst sort, because they can take away something even more precious than the life force which does little more than plunge blood through veins. It violates what people are that makes them who they are, the ultimate wrong-doing, the most heinous attack. It escapes me how this inspired idea could surprise me, since I know how brilliant you are, but you constructed the perfect prison for Harry’s mind and by far the most sinister. Well done, you!

 

Using second person was a rather intrepid move. The same story could have easily been written in first person, but the masterful sustaining of the second person voice in this gave it the level of intimacy necessary to really put oneself into Ginny’s shoes and feel what she felt, hurt when she hurt, be angry when she was. I just really got the feeling of being there in the story, watching everything that made Harry the character I adore wither and die and, as you so aptly described, shatter.

I knew Harry was going to ultimately die, but when it happened, it felt cold and clinical to me, like waiting for an older relative to kick off after a long time, but when the grieving time is supposed to come, it sort of doesn’t, like I’ve made my peace with it already and the event itself is just the full stop at the end. I really like how you did that and covet it enormously. You took that scenario, that inevitability, and grafted such a potent sense of realism onto it. Go you!

In conclusion, after gushing this much, I honestly haven’t found anything that gave me pause or lessened my enjoyment of this story in the slightest. Every single detail, every plot point, was airtight and fabulous, and if it wasn’t past five in the morning, I’d go back and read it again. I hope this story gets podcasted at some point, because it would be brilliant to put this into my iPod and enjoy it on the go.

Thank you, Twin, for writing such a wondrous story. You are an inspiring author, and I know 2.0 will come soon!

~Jess

 


Author's Response: SQUUUEEEEEEE!! Thank you so much for the amazing review, Jess. Like, wow. First of all, I'm so glad you came by to read one of my stories, and I'm so so so glad it was this one! This was so different for me, writing a second-person AU fic like this. I definitely had my doubts. I really can't remember where I got the specific idea, except from the vague prompt for the PP challenge. I originally wanted to write the epic of doom for this prompt, but that's still going nowhere almost a year later. So I decided on a character death and ran with it from there. It came fast and quick and easy, really. It was definitely one of those stories that I just transcribed from the muses. I'm glad I brought the angst enough for you, since you are a master of angst yourself. And to think I wrote this in the middle of all sorts of J/L fluff - maybe that's why, lol. I can't believe you don't have any concrit. Ah well, I'll take the gushing. Thanks for the SBBC recommendation, as well. And once again, thanks for coming by to read this one, it means alot to me, twin! ~Gina :)

 
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