I am a recent member of the Harry Potter fandom, but I have always had a passion for the written word, and I hope to fulfill it here. I live in a relatively boring corner of Idaho, and I like Kokanee and a good book!
So, I suppose you're wondering what's up with my username. Even if you're not, this is how that happened. No, I was not aspiring to be a Gryffindor. I can't think of any house to which I would belong less than Gryffindor, in fact. It was a moment of clarity that I got while I was battling with myself about whether I should want to be Sorted into Gryffindor to be like Harry or to be Sorted elsewhere and follow my own path. I thought it to be much like the contemplative scene in Hamlet when he weighed taking his own life. I'm not trying to be melodramatic. That's simply is what popped into my head when I was trying to sign up to leave a review. :D
Any questions or comments about my work? Please shoot me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org — I'd love to hear from you!
Hmmm, I'm worried for Tracey, because Smith has always been a shady git, and if he hurts her, I'll kick him in his e-giblets!
Okay, enough of that, lol. How like Blaise and Draco to bet with people's feelings. I'm just glad that she found another date so it didn't make her look pathetic or anything. I may be reverting to my prior ill feelings toward Roger, but in that sense, I am mostly at your mercy!
Author's Response: Dear Jess, ~ Save your kicks; there's nothing more about Z Smith because he is definitely the wrong man for Tracey! ~ The full story of Draco and Blaise's bet is told in "Turning the Corner", which was the first HP novella I ever wrote. You can read there how many girls accepted Blaise's offer, and who finally won the Galleons. ~ Everything is against Tracey at this point: Roger, her fellow Slytherins and her own immaturity. So hold on for a steep slide down the moral precipice while we ask the all-important question: Can Tracey be redeemed? ~ Thanks for your support. Tracey will thank you if she grows up. Best wishes, GhV
Argh, poor Tracey. Her desire to stay in with the Slytherins is finally catching up to her, even forcing her to talk to Roger. It was good of him not to take the mickey out of her for even knowing about it.
Awesome chapter! Good work, and I eagerly await the rest.
Author's Response: Dear Jess, ~ Yes, Roger believes better safe than sorry where Voldy is concerned, but Tracey isn't quite ready to appreciate him for it. ~ He is completely desensitised to how she feels about him. A line that didn't make it to the final draft of this story is when Roger tells his friends, "Tracey's a little grouch but she wouldn't hurt a fly." And Tracey fumes that she could hurt twenty thousand flies if she felt like it but she doesn't usually feel like it because she's all sunshine when Roger isn't around to spoil things... ~ Anyway, she can't possibly want to stay in Slytherin at this stage... Can she...? ~ Thanks for reviewing, GhV
Ah, I love how you portray Tom Riddle in this light. The way you show his inner doubts about himself and his distaste for all things emotional is quite telling of a character that committed the ultimate acts of evil. The last line was so poignant to that effect.
In terms of grammar, etc (since this is a homework assignment):
"rawing out strength and praying on weakness" It should be 'preying'
"gifted with magical gifts beyond contemplation" You may want to change one of the uses of 'gift'.
I loved your intermittent use of second person. It made it seem, at least to me, that Tom was talking about himself, but he refused to openly contemplate love in a manner so personal as the first person. I don't know if you were going for that, but I got a little of that from it.
All in all, excellence abounds and it's definitely on par with your regular work, and I loved reading more about the ever-fascinating Tom Riddle.
PS-I loved the latent reference to Keeds, btw. :D
Author's Response: Can't have Tom without Keeds ;-)
She stares out across the great expanse of water.
He watches her longing gaze.
My final task for the 'Watching the Mirror' class on the beta boards.
Nominated in the 2010 Quicksilver Quill Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance.
Holy Hippogriffs, your imagery was so potent and passionate! I totally felt like I was there! There aren't quite the words in my vocabulary to describe the emotional upheaval I experienced while reading this piece. I'm not sure if you intended to do so, but wow (yep, that's the best word I can come up with)..
I have to confess, in the end, I was a little disappointed that Ginny ended up with Harry, because I always harbored the secret desire to see Hermione with him and not Ron. I guess it's because they complement each other rather than raise one another's hackles. I would probably have even preferred that he end up with a completely different girl, but every delicious fantasy cast Hermione as his leading lady. I confess myself almost scared to defy canon and put him with someone else, but you are braver than I, Miss Julia.
PS-"His thoughts became focussed again." Should be one 's'.
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Jess! While I don't mind Ginny with Harry, I always loved the idea of Harry/Hermione. I, too, was a little scared to attempt a Harry/Hermione fic but I've always loved reading them (and there aren't that many written anymore) and thought that I'd throw all caution to the wind and just go with it. There's something so deliciously dangerous and non-canon about the pairing! Thank you for the review and for the little pointer there. I'm going to fix that up right away!
This is a delightful story. I always pictured Narcissa suffering in silent angst during Voldemort's extended stay in their home, as well as her being forced to conform to the carnal advances of those above her in the Dark Lord's favor.
I like how Lucius is caring about his wife, yet he still maintained his sense of being a PC Death Eater. It realizes my vision of him caring, just not enough to stop the madness before it started.
All in all, I think this is a fantastic imagery-based story, one I'll probably read again in the future.
PS-Just a small nitpick, because I'm just like that: 'Warming Charm' should be capitalized, I believe.
Author's Response: Hi Jess. Thank you for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it because I've never written about the Malfoys as a couple - and never sympathetically. I shall look into Warming Charm because I'm not sure myself if it's a real spell. ~Carole~
Hmmm, interesting story. I've never really read Hr/D before, so this shall be a new experience for me. I would definitely be interested in the course of events during the war that have led them to this point. I shall stay tuned.
As for style and syntax, I find your word selection and structure to be excellent. It is almost as if we were in Hermione's head, feeling every blow, every sensation along with her. I appreciate that quality that is not often present, so thank you and happy writing!
Hmm, I am curious to whether we will be privy at some point of the backstory between Draco and Hermione. Do I think Draco meant any of those 'I love you's, no, but I do believe that Hermione thought they were sincere.
So far, great suspense going on here, and your language lends itself greatly to that. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, and I think there may be additional Hr/D stories read my me, for I believe you changed my mind about the ship.
Ouch! I have to say, what a way to begin a story! Poor Hermione, she doesn't deserve such treatment. I hope everything turns out okay in the end, mostly because I'm a fluff shipper, lol.
I will definitely be on the lookout for more chapters. I shall stay tuned. Good beginning to your story.
"So many people say that they were pushed off that cliff; that they fell, or never saw it coming. I've been sitting here my entire life, taking pictures of the rocks I could hit on the way down. I suppose it's always been a choice and I've just been teetering here, waiting to decide. Turn around or jump?"
[dark one shot feat. Draco Malfoy]
Ooh, I heart D/A + Draco. It's like a keg of good beer that someone gives to you; you can't wait to tap it!
The imagery is so...real! It's like following Draco throughout the worst part of his life as we know it. I'm sure not only he amongst the Malfoys has considered hurling themselves off a cliff after the battle was lost. Not to mention, it's probably the only way to erase the life debt he owes to Harry, which I'm sure rankled to no end.
Your diction is very poignant and carefully chosen, and it shows. Ari is a lucky girl to get such a gift. :D
Great work and happy writing!
PS-Just noticed this, thought I'd point it out. I'm assuming it's supposed to be 'sand and', but not quite sure.
"As you push yourself up, the ground seems to be covered with and and stones"
Tough challenge indeed! I'm glad to see you had the good sense not to write a bloody novel, like I did.
As I know the bastard nature of these prompts, let me say that this is very well thought out - much more so than most of the rest, I'm sure. Finding a cure for lycanthropy is awesome, of course, but the journey itself was bitchin'. :D
I really loved how Teddy talked to him mum's picture and the flashbacks that showed why Lily was in such dire straits. It flowed pretty good (especially for a Gauntlet piece, hehe), and I really enjoyed reading it.
I hope one of us wins. Your story is pretty friggin good. :)
I really like this characterization of Pansy, because we, as fans, treat her rather mercilessly for trying to sell out Harry; even JKR is guilty of bastardizing the Slytherins to us by only outlining all of their mistakes.
It's easy to see how Pansy could be the way she was in the books with a beast of a mother like that. It makes a lot of sense, at least to me, that she would radiate these qualities, no matter how much she hated her mum. In a way, you actually characterized her mother as much as you did Pansy, but that works very well here, because in essence, Pansy started out like her mother until she took a good look into the mirror and realized that she was exactly what she hated in her mother. It's just a shame it took so long for her to notice.
I can see how Pansy could care for Draco, because I imagine he was only a mean little git to non-Slytherins, so he was most likely pretty good to her. She should have known, though, that the Dark Mark on his arm would spell the end for them as a couple, but truthfully, she's probably so worried about keeping up appearances that she didn't really stop to think about it until it was too late.
Well, anyhow, I really like this piece, and I hope Teacher gives you a gold star. Good luck! :)
Take care and happy writing,
Note: I spotted a couple typos, and since this is for a class, I figured you'd want to know. :)
I was sure that Mother could hear me, and this made ___ cry even more,
Missing a 'me,' I assume.
She nodded. "I still don't understand...it is hideous," she" said rudely.
Author's Response: Well i'm glad that you took to my characterization of Pansy, it was a worry because we know so little about her. You really seemed to get what i was trying to portray, especially the Draco situation. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thank you for your comment- believe it or not the comments are the best bit. Lauren :)
Though I've already read this (a few times, actually), I thought I should leave a review, just as a congratulatory present, as well as a thank you gift for teaching me the finer points of the 'Track Changes' function.
I really liked your premise for the story, though it would have been awesome times twelve if I knew how Bill met/got in contact with Beatriz in the first place, but I'm sure you'll share. :)
One of the parts that I enjoyed the most was the attack of Bill's conscience, which was a gigantic factor in this story. Without it, none of it would have ever happened. Not only would his parents still feel rotten about not being able to give him the gift of a trip to Brasil, he would have never made amends with his former penpal/first crush, which would have, IMO, thrown him out of character.
I always saw Bill as edgy, but a bit of all right. He cares deeply for his family, but just like every kid his age when he got his last letter from Beatriz, he says/does stupid and insensitive things. Those of us who love our characters tend to (and wrongly so) skip those traits in favor of more admirable ones, but I love that you didn't.
Yay for Portuguese being so similar to Spanish! I could read through all the Portuguese sequences without missing a beat, and not just because I already knew what they said, lol. I like her mama a lot, especially her derision at Beatriz cursing Bill.
Well, that's all for now, and I should SO not still be awake. So consider this my official *squee*, and I look forward to your next piece.
Luv ya bunches, and as always, happy writing!
Author's Response: Lol to the Track Changes part.
Yes, ahem, about how Bill and Beatriz met - I have no effing clue as of now. I didn't think much of it because it really wasn't important to my one-shot, but I knew I'd have to deal with it later on.
Bill seemed too perfect for me (though I am not pointing fingers at Rowling), but that incident always nagged me. How do you think a teenager would receive an incident like that? I've been one, and shortage of money can be a bit daunting when you're of any age, but somehow it cuts you deeper when you're a teenager. So, yes, that was why I chose that topic over others for the final task.
Apart from that, Bill seemed to understand Ron so well. Something had to be there. Plus, how could I end it without him making up with Beatriz? hehe.
I have to thank you again for the Portuguese, though. I mean, if you hadn't noticed that mishap with BabelFish, I'd have had been murdered by a real Portuguese.
Love ya lots!
I've been meaning to read this for a while now, and I adore how you utilized the prompts. Instead of thinking of anything so clever, I drug poor James across the whole planet, but you, ever the Draco expert, made him go to exotic places without even setting foot in a single one! I LOVE the ending...it's so very Malfoy.
Harry is so freaking gullible, it's great. He was even starting to warm to Draco (which, I admit, gives me warm fuzzies), but it was all a neatly-crafted, very in character, Malfoy fabrication.
Very well done. Good luck in the judging. :)
I've been meaning to read this for a while, but with my current logjam of things I have yet to write, it sort of slipped by the wayside.
Wow! I mean, this is a very intense story. The themes and concepts are new and terrible (not the bad kind, well, yeah, the bad kind... >.> you know what I mean), but they're not implausible. People do hideous things to one another without magic; imagine what they can do with the assistance of magic. The possibilities are startling.
I have to admit that it's not easy to swallow Goyle doing that at first. Sure, he has just been traumatized and will probably go to prison for what he did while at Hogwarts, but it was marked in the Fiendfyre scene that it was Crabbe who was the cruel and violent one. Personally, I always thought that Crabbe and Goyle were a 'thing', so the death of his best 'friend' could send him over the edge. What saved it for me was him describing the Fiendfyre eating at his flesh. That he believed her responsible, even though it was his own dumbass friend that cast the curse, could definitely drive him to violate her magically and physically.
I read all the other reviews before I read the story, and I don't see how it could seem at all implausible that she could bash him over the head and kill him in a primal way. Obviously, whoever thinks that it's not possible has never been attacked by anyone before. It's not fun, and it's terrifying. Would I kill someone with a rock like she did in that situation? Fuck yeah, I would. No hesitation. And profanity for an exclamation point!
The scene with Draco was interesting. At this point, I'm sure that Draco is not half the entitled bastard that he was pre-HBP. I sort of picture him rolling up his sleeve to expose his Dark Mark and say something like, "You don't believe I would do anything for my family? This is what I'll do for family!" I suppose I drink the Reformed!Draco kool-aid, but if he was really that desperate to not go to prison (and face it, who wouldn't be?), I do see him crossing one last line to get what he wants. Yet again, I had questions at first, but you answered them further in the story. Well done.
And the last part is probably the best. Hermione was so happy with herself in that split second, but it hit her that she had just done something terrible and covered it up by doing something nearly as reprehensible. And it all had happened in a few minutes. It's a trap (title reference...yeah!) into which anyone could fall, and Hermione is deliciously imperfect. I don't begrudge her at all what she did, as I probably would have killed Goyle, burnt the body, toasted marshmallows over the flames and pissed on the ashes. But she's of a different moral ilk than me, so her guilt and shame was extraordinarily fitting. She was supposed to be one of the good guys, but...awesome!
Great read, and shame on me for not reading it sooner! Take care and happy writing,
Normally, I steer (very) clear of poetry, as I don't particularly understand its appeal or the hidden meanings that are supposed to be in it (Emily Dickenson be damned, nothing but the original EMO chick). But, as YOU wrote this, I read it anyway, and I have to say, I actually like it. It may have something to do with knowing what it's actually about and not some vague subject that nobody can figure out, but yeah...
The imagery of Harry's internal struggles is pretty powerful, which concisely outlines the way he takes everyone's pain, everyone's suffering, on himself, as if it was somehow his fault, all the while battling the growing intensity of the connection with Voldemort's conscious mind. The way you captured the burdens of his mind is pretty wicked.
Yay for you, writing a poem that I like. :D
Author's Response: Thank you very much, Jess. I've only just got back into writing poetry having written some truly dreadful love poetry in the past. Glad you enjoyed it.
Er, I don't know how I never noticed this story in the queue when it came out, considering I normally watch for Harmony like a hawk.
Lyss, this was lovely. You managed to take canon events and give them a slight, what-if-this-happened-instead push, thus creating a little pocket of AU inside of established events. It's a lovely idea, one which I would have adored, had it happened in the series, but it was nice to see such a neat little snippet of what might have been.
I don't hide the fact that second person really isn't my thing, mainly because of the overload of the word 'you', just as the word 'I' drives me nuts about first person, butyou do well with it. Most novice 2nd person writers will begin every.damned.sentence. with 'you', but you thankfully keep it fresh and enticing. The focus is on the story, not the pronouns. Thank you for that. :)
All in all, this was a wonderful drabble-come-one-shot. I'm glad I decided to stalk the SBBCer story thread, because that led me to this story. :D
Take care and happy writing,
I laughed throughout this entire thing, I hope you know. At every turn, Hermione was finding out that she had done something ridiculously uncharacteristic, each one of which was more outrageous than the next.
The use of a cursed book is a stroke of creativity that I personally adore. To take something that is unique to Hermione amongst her friends (books) and turn it into her downfall is excellent.
And McLaggen. I mean...seriously, in his underpants? Freaking hysterical - so much so that I'm still laughing periodically at the mental image. I love you for that. :D
George nodded solemnly. “That’s all there was to it, Hermione.”
She grinned at him. “Oh, thank goodness for that. I was afraid I’d done something really awful.” She stopped and blushed again. “Not that being with you would be at all awful, George. I’m sure you’re very ... um...”
He laughed. “Yes, Hermione, I’m very ... ‘um’.’”
This. Part. Is. Classic. It just seems like such a George thing to say, not to mention a very Hermione attempt to remove her foot from her mouth. :D
Until we meet YET again (no, I'm not done),
Ah, so now, I finally get around to reviewing...I fail, lol.
Of course, as you know, the thought, research, and care you put into this was stupendous. Andrew seems to come to life, as if he's reading this to us and we're not just reading it out of the Prophet.
Florean was another stroke of brilliance on your part; taking this small role from canon and making it a much larger part of the DH picture. There are so many unexplored facets in the tangled web of that book, so it's great to see one of them explored so beautifully.
Well, get well soon (thought maybe a review would cheer you up), and I shall bump into thee at a later time.
Haha, now I'm going to leave you a less crappy review than I did on LJ!
Just as the other reviewers pointed out, I really like how you characterised Teddy. He seemed like he was in such a state, and his emotions and doubts were so real for me as a reader. I really don't think I've read a better rendition of him during my time in fan fiction (I haven't read Teddy/Victoire as a pairing, but I've read them as separate characters). He is just so genuine and human, it really adds so much to your story.
Victoire was good for as much facetime as she got. Though Teddy was the main focus of the fic, Victoire was a huge part of this, and I really loved how you had her lie to Teddy. Imperfect people make perfect stories to me, and the way both she and Teddy were imperfect, flawed human beings really added so much to their believability.
Your Harry made me laugh. He's so much like the Harry I know in my head. He was a star, covering for Teddy, even against he fearsome flock of redheaded Weasley women. That takes some stones, hehe. He didn't judge, but he was understanding. Contrary to popular belief, Harry had a lot of growing up to do after DH, and learning to accept mistakes and so forth was part of that. You showed an appropriate amount of insight into his personality, and since he's my favourite major character, I really love that about this piece.
Your meticulous work with the timeline was... I have no words. There was not one canon mistake. Not a single one. I can't even describe the number of times that I've read Next-Gen stories and figuratively - and sometimes literally - beat my head on my desk, frustrated because a simple fact in canon, easily accessed through the Lexicon, was missed because the author couldn't be arsed to look it up.
The fact that you got everyone's age right, the characters in general, and it was well-written makes this an awesome fic - one which I intend to put in the recommendation thread on the Beta Boards for this category. You made me smile the first time I read it, and I loved it just as much the second time around.
The pacing and flow of the story were spectacular. There were no dead moments in the story, and there were none that were too overloaded with information or drama. It was structured just so beautifully for readability and enjoyability. It is a gift among writers (and one that I do not have, I'm afraid) for ease in reading their work. Enjoy this gift, and don't you dare waste it!
I hope you love this fic as much as I do, because you've really done a stellar piece of characterisation for Teddy. Total win for you!
Well, that's all for now, so take care and happy writing. I am, of course, on the lookout for new chapters of The Torment Bred in the Race. ^_^
The aftermath of the Battle marked some of the darkest hours for Charlie Weasley and his family. But just when he can't possibly think of how to find happiness again, a chance encounter might light the way.
This is Karaley Dargen from Gryffindor, writing for the Winter Snows ’09 prompt Stirring.
From the prompt: “Stirring (a column with a self-stirring cauldron as an icon) is the Sunday edition’s main feature. In it, readers can contribute their own inspiring anecdotes.”
Thank you, Emma (Amortentia x), for betaing this story for me :)
Also, I'm not JKR. GASP!
Hmm, Charlie/Oliver. I'm definitely interested. :-D
Charlie is, without a doubt, the most overlooked Weasley in the Potterverse, and every time I read something about him, I learn a bit about him and what I think he's like, as well as the author's POV.
I really like the way you portrayed him, uncomfortable with a 'day job,' confined by a desk, when what he really wanted was open air and activity. When a person is grieving, the last thing he needs is to have too much time to sit on his duff and think about what he's lost, but the change of career was perfect for him.
Very kind of Carole to lend you Oliver, because I believe that he works extremely well here. Catching up with an old friend after many years, only to find that your feelings have changed about them, is a great way to move on from a tragedy. Friends have that unique ability.
Your style really fulfilled my own personal notions of Charlie - not a big talker, but when he does, he's very well-spoken. The way you wrote it made him seem real, and that was powerful in itself without the story. The story, though, is a complete gem.
All right, I think that's enough out of me. My brain refuses to spit out anything more coherent than this at this point in time, so I shall check in with you again when the second part comes through the queue. Happy writing, and good luck with the Challenge!
P.S. - I noticed a couple of odd bits that might need fixing. Feel free to ignore me if I'm completely wrong (it happens...a lot).
I, in turn, told him about my new colleagues and my boss: Frank Alderton, and the Roman Rampart, an Italian Quidditch team Frank and I were going to meet at the end of the week.
The colon looks sort of wonky used this way. Maybe a plain old comma would fit more. And just a question...was 'Rampart' intentionally unpluralised, or was that a typo? I have no idea, so...(this is the part where you are more than free to ignore me, lol)