Hi there! I’m Soraya. I’m seventeen years old and am a proud Muslim British Bangladeshi. I live in East London and have loved reading and writing from a young age. I’m rather obsessed with Harry Potter (aren’t we all?), tea (not a surprise considering I’m a Brit) and good grammar. Recently, I've also got into the Supernatural fandom. After watching the first episode, I had already fallen head over heels in love with Sam Winchester, so it's no surprise that I am now a huge SPN fangirl as well as a Potterhead.
My writing has changed quite a bit over the years, and I think you'll probably notice that, the further down my author page you go, the more the quality seems to drop :P I started posting stories on here at the age of fourteen, and at nearly eighteen, I can see how much my writing has improved since those Dark Ages. So, for that reason, I would advise you stick to the more recent stuff, if you choose to read anything of mine.
Just so you know, these are posted firstly according to what kind of pairing, if any, is in the story, and then in chronological order in accordance to my own canon, not necessarily the order in which they were posted.
My first chaptered fic. It’s terribly written, but I still have a place in my heart for it because of how much fun it was to write. This story has now been deleted on MNFF, but if you really, really want to read it, you can still find it on FF.net and HPFF. (I advise you don't, though :P)
Second Childishness and Mere Oblivion (James/Lily)
Written for Round One (Major Characters) of Madam Pomfrey’s Character Clinic Triathlon, this one-shot is about James and Lily’s relationship getting rockier and rockier after they left Hogwarts, especially when Lily is faced with the trials of being a wife and motherhood. A little smutty.
My Love is Always Here (James/Lily)
This was a belated birthday present for the wonderful Gina/Gmariam, aka the queen of James/Lily. This is mostly about Lily dealing with becoming a mother for the first time and the problems (as well as the joys) that come with that.
There's an Answer (Remus/Tonks)
Written for Sophie/The owl for SPEW Summer Swap IV. Tonks is sent on an interesting baby Auror assignment to do with werewolves. Remus and a dangerous Muggle are thrown into the mix, with interesting results.
Left Behind (Remus/Tonks)
An expanded version of one of my LoveNotes, written for SPEW. It's a missing moment set between OOTP and HBP, where in my head canon Remus and Tonks have been together, in secret, for a few weeks already and Remus is then told to go on his werewolf mission. Slightly smutty.
One and Only (Remus/Tonks)
Written for the lovely Alex/Ithinkrabis2people in the Ravenclaw Christmas Drabble Exchange. This is a missing moment set just after Tonks’s outburst to Remus in the hospital wing at the end of HBP.
Out of My Life (Harry/Ginny)
My only AU (kind of). I tweaked a small part of canon in this -- basically, Harry actually said goodbye to Ginny properly when he broke up with her. Very angsty, and this is only up for sentimental reasons, as I wrote it during The Dark Ages (aka when I was fourteen).
A Different Kind of Magic (Harry/Ginny)
Written for the You’re Having My Baby challenge at SIYE. Ginny finds out she’s pregnant, but Harry receives the news before her and therefore has to tell his wife. This was my first ever story at MNFF. It was written when I was thirteen, and it definitely shows.
A Different Kind of Magic 2: Parenthood (Harry/Ginny)
A sequel, obviously, to A Different Kind of Magic. Ginny goes into labour, and both Harry and Ginny realise what it means to be parents. Again, this was written from Back in the Days.
The Caustic Ticking of the Clock (Rowena/Helga)
Written for the Great Hall Cotillion, this story is my only Founders story so far, and it’s about Rowena and Helga’s secret relationship. I am proud of this one, which doesn’t usually happen :)
Catching Fire (James/Sirius)
This was written for SPEW 007. My prompt was “Embers”, and it’s set just after Remus’s second transformation with the Marauders. James is badly injured, and he and Sirius realise, inadvertently, that they might just have feelings for each other. I like the pairing but still think the story needs work. One day I will go back and edit.
Flicker and Fail (Katie/Leanne)
This was written forSecret SPEW, and my recipient was the absolutely fabulous Alex/welshdevondragon. It’s my take on Leanne and Katie’s relationship from way before they were even at Hogwarts as well as what eventually happens to Katie in HBP, when she was cursed.
Skinny Love (Louis/Lily)
Written for the 2013 Great Hall Cotillion. Set during Teddy and Victoire's wedding, Louis helps Lily come to terms with her bulimia. This one was pretty difficult to write.
Blood and Roses (Scorpius/Rose, Scorpius/Dominique, Dominique/OC)
Written for the Great Hall Mysterious Maychallenge, this was my first Next Generation fic about Scorpius, mostly, and the trials he faces after his daughter is murdered.
Broken Glass (Louis/Lily)
This is the story of when Loulily really began. After the deaths of his immediate family, Louis is finding it hard to cope, even six months later. Lily somehow helps. It’s a little smutty. I’m proud of this one, too :)
The Highway of Regret (Scorpius/Lily, Scorpius/Rose, Louis/Lily)
Also written for the Great Hall Cotillion. It’s my one and only Scily. This is all about secret relationships and mistakes people make. Lily’s angry at Louis, and Scorpius has just broken up with Rose; when Lily gets drunk in the pub, things... happen. :P
I Will Lay Down My Heart (Albus/Rose, Scorpius/Rose)
Written for Round Two (Minor Characters) of Madam Pomfrey’s Character Clinic Triathlon. Albus has been in love with Rose for years, but what happened with them when they were younger has put a dent in their relationship. It doesn’t help that Rose is actually in love with Scorpius, either. This is smutty too.
One More Night (Albus/Rose, Rose/Scorpius)
Companion piece to I Will Lay Down My Heart. This goes into more detail about Rose and Albus's changing relationship as well as the aftermath of the events in said companion story. Probably the smuttiest thing on my page. :D Written for the Great Hall Cotillion 2013.
This was written for the Great Hall-iday challenge for the Operation: Mistletoe prompt, and this was where my love for Loulily began.
This is about how five men in Potterverse dealt with remorse in different ways.
This poem is about how Remus feels about Sirius (not slashy, btw).
Written for the Magic in Music challenge over inPoetry, Anyone? This was set to the track “Obliviate” in DH1 and is about Hermione modifying her parents’ memories.
Written for the Goodbyechallenge in Poetry, Anyone? This was about saying goodbye, and how difficult it could be.
After All This Time
Written for the Deathly Hallows challenge inPoetry, Anyone?. I ship unrequited Snape/Lily, and this is probably the only time Snape will be on my author page, lol.
Written for the MC Kreacher challenge inPoetry, Anyone? This was written from the POV of Bill Weasley after his wife’s death.
Written for the Great Bannermakers’ Hallchallenge. The banner I picked had Merope Gaunt on it, and it’s probably my darkest story; it’s definitely the only one to have a dubious consent warning. It’s about, as you might guess, the abuse Merope suffered from her father and brother.
In Care (Marlene/OC)
Marlene McKinnon, as a care kid, eventually falls in love with another care kid, Jamal Olawumi. But he's a Muggle, and keeping her world secret proves difficult. This is definitely a story I would like to revisit and tidy up.
Just Across the Bar (Sirius/Rosmerta)
Sirius is just about of age, but obviously Rosmerta has misgivings about having feelings for Sirius, who is still a student. Written for the 2013 Great Hall Cotillion and also smutty.
Written for SPEW 007. My prompt was “Juggling”, and it’s just a silly piece of dialogue-only banter between Remus and Sirius. Sirius realises Remus likes Tonks, and he tries to persuade Remus to act on his feelings.
Hanging by a Thread (Katie/Oliver)
Written for the lovely Jess/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor for Secret SPEW VII. Katie is grieving and drowning her sorrows in alcohol and Oliver is trying his best to save Muggles, while trying also to bury feelings for Katie that he thought he had long since forgotten about. There is also, surprise surprise, some smut in this.
And that’s it! Along with being a moderator, I’m also a member of SPEWand SBBC. I hope to see you around on the forums; feel free to contact me via PM or review if you have any questions or comments about my stories!
Hi Pooja :)
Well, I’ve been meaning to read something by you for a while now, so when this story was featured, I thought it was about time I read and reviewed it. And I was so glad I did, because I was very moved by this story for so many reasons, particularly your excellent handling of what are some very, very sensitive issues, as well as great characterisation throughout.
First off, your title is a fabulous one. There’s something lovely and simple about the wording of it, but at the same time, it speaks volumes of what the story is about. I thought you made brilliant use of the way Albus resembled Harry in such a way and yet felt so different from him; I can really see why Albus would view himself like that, and of course he would feel maimed after being raped. And I have to say, you treated the topic of rape very delicately, and I really appreciate how well you handled it. It’s far from easy to write what would be a very upsetting thing to read, so well done there. While I can’t say I enjoyed reading that section in particular, I thought it was great that you didn't have to make it explicit and yet it was clear exactly what was happening. I think what is important with difficult issues is that you have to address it properly, and I certainly thought that was the case here. Similarly, the issues of bulimia and self-injury were painful for me to read, but that was because of how real and raw the emotion was. The actual writing was heartrending to read, especially the way in which Albus would undergo the daily ritual of making himself vomit as well as the three times he had cut himself.
I think the style of the writing was what made it so very powerful. I liked, for example, the way the flashbacks were in third person and the main body of the narrative was in first. I felt an intimacy with Albus’s character and thought you really got to the heart of the story, and his emotions, with first person, because I could feel his self-loathing and his pain. Third person was certainly the right choice for the flashbacks, especially when Albus was raped, because that showed rather than told the story, which I think can sometimes be an issue for that choice of PoV. Here, I think it worked perfectly, because I got to see for myself how horrific Albus’s experiences were, and the immediacy of present tense added to the tension, too. One thing I did notice, though, was that there were quite a few paragraphs beginning with “I”. Perhaps this is something to bear in mind in the future -- even though it definitely didn’t significantly detract from the story, I did find that certain parts didn't flow quite so well at times.
Ultimately, I think this story is a character study and an intense one at that. I loved the characterisation of Albus; his self-hate is so understandable, and I think the details you added emphasised that so much -- not just his bulimia and self-harm, but also him not eating, not sleeping, not even going to the toilet properly. It’s an understatement to say my heart went out for him, and what I liked best was that not once was Albus melodramatic about what had happened to him, but at the same time, I could see just how badly affected Albus was by being raped. I felt such a numbness in his narration, and there was something incredibly systematic about his voice. And though I wasn’t sure if this was done on purpose, I did smile when I saw what could be an allusion to AlRose. Even if it wasn’t, just the fact that Albus had lost his closest cousin and could not talk to anyone about being raped makes the story all the more poignant.
I must say, at one point, I thought Albus would be saved. Perhaps it was when I read the heading of “Meanwhile”, with the far more optimistic side to the story, or maybe just the fact that I had this expectation of Harry to save Albus somehow. And again, I think the fact that Albus’s voice is so resonant for me is what makes the events in the story so much more touching, because perhaps even Albus expected that of his father. I think that’s why seeing Harry attempt to revive his son was so difficult to read -- not, of course, because it was written badly, but because I could really see the disastrous consequences of Albus being raped on his whole family. On that note, however, I think the ending was perhaps a little too easily resolved. While I understood the significance of the 31st July and know that that was part of the challenge, I wasn’t sure that only a year later, Harry would have captured his son’s rapists and simply locked them away. I can’t help but think that it would take longer than a year, and Harry doing so on his birthday exactly a year later seems too neat to me. If you expanded it a bit, in a sequel maybe, it might be explained more, because I think that was what was missing for me, so perhaps consider writing a follow-up one-shot? I would definitely read it if you wrote it, anyway. :)
This was a great story, Pooja. I thought it was an excellent read, and I can definitely see what you mean by you hacking Albus to this many pieces! At any rate, the issues were addressed with due respect and the writing really touched my heart. I will have to read more of your stories someday :)
Author's Response: Hey Soraya!
Sorry, it took long for me to respond, but you do know my exam situation. :) Anyway, I'm so glad that you took time to read this, and that you liked it because this was very difficult for me to write-- it was stressful and emotionally draining and there were times that I'd want to give up, or put it away, but then I'm glad I stuck to it. :)
The title actually was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I was filling out a Beta form and instead of writing 'untitles right now', I just wrote this down. I feel Albus and Harry are similar, and different. Albus would have a lot of insecurities, and a lot of issues, I guess, I don't know-- but I've always felt this way about him. And I'm tired of how sometimes Albus is entirely like Harry, so I turned this around and made him different from Harry on a very important point. As for the rape and self-injury, these emotions were what I derived from reading a few psychological papers and articles that spoke about male rape. It seems to have such a different effect on men-- but I think the emotions here are easier to capture than female rape. The bulimia wasn't bulimia-- it was something even more crude, which I really couldn't mention here. You can poke me sometime, if you want to know what it really was. :)
I agree with you on the first-person imagery problem. It is very difficult to 'show' the entire... the events, when it's in first-person format and the 'I' just keeps repeating. I'm also not very used to this format, as most of my stories are in third person, which I'm most comfortable with. That way, the emotions and the gestures are easier to show and the bond between the reader and the character are easier to create. But I will remember your wonderful suggestions and keep this in mind the next time I write from such a PoV (in fact, I'm writing it just now) and it is very wonderful on your part to share this honest opinion with me! :)
Yes, this was a character study-- because I'd written it for the Triathlon, I guess. I wanted to explore a darker side in a person's mind and I chose Albus for my sacrificial lamb. Like I said, all his actions were based on a psychological study of male rape-- it's sad to know that these things happen out there and people go through these very emotions. No one would want to live in hell like this, it's distressing. And sometimes in life, the grief and the distress is so much-- the agony is so intense that a person becomes numb. This is a stage beyond pain and agony-- it's pure torture and suffering that a person goes through when the pain is so bad, they can't bear it anymore. And hah, the AlRose! I didn't write this keeping that in mind, but it's open for interpretation. Maybe they were in love and just didn't know it yet. You never know. ;)
At the point where you thought Albus might be saved, I was honestly about to save him. I was ready to rebel against my original plan to off him and I thought that maybe he could live and talk to someone about it-- and maybe they'd find the rapists like that. I felt bad for Harry too-- he's lost so many people in his life, this would have been horrible. And about the ending-- I must admit, at the time that I wrote this, I didn't think it would matter how they found the rapists, really. But I guess it does, and I promise I'll try and write a sequel to this, once I can plot it well enough. Ha, I've closed my own doors here by making Harry solve it in just a year... but well, I'll try to write a sequel, and am flattered that you'll be around to read it! :)
I see why you won the best reviewer QSQ, Soraya, because you really deserved it! This review made my month, and I was so sad that I couldn't reply right away! Anyway, thank you very much and I'm really glad you liked this story! *huggles*
Awwww baby Harry ;) And Remus! GIna, this was lovely. I think you're one of the very few people who can pull off first person Marauder, and I think you did a great job here.
I never really thought about how Remus must've been feeling during that train journey. You really captured that feeling of nostalgia and the sadness Remus must have felt while his friend's son was in the same compartment as him. And I love the banteryness of the Marauders even before they become Marauders, lol.
The ending was fab, especially the line "I have not come to Hogwarts for a job, nor have I really come to teach. I have come for Harry, so that Sirius cannot." I just feel like yelling at Remus that he's wrong, hahahahaha. Oh, but I did think it was a little rushed towards the end, when Harry collapsed, as I would have liked to see more of teh dialogue before Harry had woken up, etc, but I do understand that there was a word limit, so I suppose that's why.
All in all, Gina, this was a nice story that I enjoyed :) I will defnitely be back, if not on Eid, then the day after XD
Author's Response: Thank youuuuu, Soraya! I really appreciate the review and all your lovely comments. Yes, if I could have included a bit more when it came time for the Dementors to show up, I probably would have, but there was that word limit. Jess mentioned expanding it for the archives but I never really considered it. If I had, that's probably something I would have added, plus a bit more at the end. Ah well. I'm still happy with the way the memories turned out. Thanks for the compliment on the Marauders. I do love them, you know! Thanks againnnnnn! ~Gina :)
Hello, Gina :)
What a wonderful story! I must say, after reading Raindrops, I’ve been curious about Arlienne and Sirius’s relationship, so I'm really glad you wrote this. Even though it was a minor subplot in Raindrops, it was always something I wanted to see more of. You showed a really different side to Sirius here, and I think you explored his character even more thoroughly here than you did in Raindrops. It’s a real shame this doesn’t have more reviews, because it certainly deserves far more.
I think Arlienne is a great character -- she’s sharp and really quite witty, which makes her a match for Sirius, unlike the usual American exchange student OC that Sirius is often paired with in fanfic. She was really well-fleshed out; I like that she wasn’t willing to let Sirius’s rather crude comment just slide like that, as it was a great way to bring them together. I also think your backstory for her is really interesting; the fact that she is a Lestrange and therefore has protective brothers kind of made the ending of the story inevitable :( And yet I can see her flaws, too -- like the fact that she suggested to Sirius to go back to his family and renounce Gryffindor, the way she thought Sirius’s family might take him back if he was with her... it’s all really sad.
On a brighter note, I liked Sirius’s sense of humour, and it was great to see he still had that same fighting spirit within him that really shows his true Gryffindor colours. He is obviously very brave and self-righteous, and I saw this when he tells Arlienne that he wants to fight as well as when she asks him why he didn’t just go back to his family. I also thought, even though he isn’t the major character in this, that Regulus was really well done, too. It was a refreshing change to see Regulus actually friends with someone Sirius is going out with, and it was nice that Regulus at least warned Arlienne about Mulciber and Avery finding out.
The story flowed excellently from beginning to end. The setup of it -- the way the story began and then went backwards in time to tell the story of how Arlienne and Sirius eventually got together -- was all very well done. It was never confusing, which I know can often be a problem for flashbacks without italics, but you pulled it off without any problems. On a more stylistic note, though, I noticed that you used the words “murmur”, “whisper” and “softly” quite a bit, and sometimes, I think perhaps simpler words would suffice. It’s something that caught my attention in some of your other stories, too, so I thought I’d point it out. :)
I particularly loved the line Charms kept them warm, though she much preferred his arms -- it added some wonderful chemistry between them, and it was also rather endearing to read because I could feel their closeness, which was lovely. I do, however, think that it would have been more effective to actually write out some of Sirius and Arlienne’s “verbal sparring”, because I think there was something missing in the library scene. It wasn’t quite a scene, as such; I mean, I was told how they got together, how their relationship progressed to the stage it was at at the beginning, but I didn’t see it, and I would have liked to see it.
The ending was so bittersweet and beautiful -- you created a really strong image of them meeting up for the last time before they would go their separate ways, and I think you summed it up perfectly in this line: "But I'll always be fighting my feelings." It just made me sad to know that they broke up and didn’t get back together in the end, all because of Arlienne’s brothers and the prejudices they had against Sirius and Gryffindors generally. What I liked the best, though, was that the war was at the forefront of everything, which makes the most sense given it was set in Marauder Era, and that that was partly why they had to split up in the end.
Overall, I think you did a fabulous job on the story; it was very well-written, as per usual, and on a deeper level, it spoke volumes of the injustices in the wizarding world.
Hello, Carole :)
Wow, what a fabulous story! I really have not been reading much outside of QSQs, and I am so glad I chose to read this one of yours, because I very much enjoyed reading it. All the characters, both original and canon, were fully-realised, which I think is important for what is quite a character-driven piece. I thought it was exceptionally well-written, too, with quite a different feel compared to most of your other stories -- as Natalie said, it could convert into OF quite easily since it’s a mostly OC cast, so maybe that’s something to think about.
I’ve found that one of the biggest challenges in writing OCs is making them normal. So often, OCs have tragic backstories or amazing superpowers, and it was lovely to see such ordinary characters in this story and yet with each of them having such distinctive characteristics. Danny was so likeable and confident, and I found his nonchalance and detachment when it came to the people he had flings with on the beach fascinating. Details like that really made him stand out, and I felt so sad for him when he seemed to dismiss commitment so quickly with Oliver. And it was great how you slowly unpeeled layers of Danny’s character: though, to begin with, he was confident, by the end, it was clear Danny was actually really insecure, and even though he was comfortable with his own sexuality, obviously certain other people weren’t, like Mike. The complexity of the characterisation really was what made the story enjoyable for me.
I also found it interesting that Danny was the one who made a move on Oliver, as I’m so used to seeing Oliver being quite domineering and a lot stronger in the books, whereas here, Oliver seemed a lot more vulnerable. I think you explored that rather different side to Oliver wonderfully, particularly at the beginning with the cricket match when Oliver seemed quite shy at first, but then his competitive streak got the better of him. I really liked how you showed so much of Oliver’s character -- through Danny’s eyes -- with the cricket match, the way Oliver was obviously very skilled at the game despite never having played it before. And you did a great job with the awkwardness of the sex; Oliver’s inexperience was so endearing to read about, and given he was just coming to terms with his sexuality, it makes perfect sense that that was something he wouldn’t know much about. However, I did think that, at times, the sexual situations were a bit much for the 6th-7th rating (especially with the use of “cock”), so perhaps consider pushing the rating up to Professors?
The other more minor characters, like Kay and Mike, were really well fleshed out. I particularly liked Kay, and I found it amusing that she and her brother were chasing after the same guy. Kay provided some welcome comic relief to the story, I think, and though I found Mike annoying, again, he was characterised excellently. So were Oliver’s parents -- having known Oliver’s father’s abusive backstory, I still found the scene when he found Oliver and Danny shocking and heartrending to read, but at the same time, I think you dealt with the subject sensitively. I was so glad to see Oliver’s mother come to the rescue, although I wasn’t entirely sure of her character. At first, she seemed really likeable, especially when she was helping Danny get to the hospital, but when she was with Danny and she told him Oliver wouldn’t be seeing him again, I thought there was something dubious about her. Why was she so mean to Danny? I have a feeling she might have been homophobic, but I'm not really sure. Hmm. That isn’t criticism, as such -- I would just like to read more of her, because she is certainly a fascinating character. :)
Your use of first person was expertly done -- I loved how well you captured Danny’s voice, because it really established the foundations of his character, which is so important for an OC-centric story. I know it’s not always your favourite POV to write, but I definitely think it was the right decision here. It made the story so much more personal, and never was it stilted or did it break the flow. Instead, I felt I really got to know Danny throughout the story and was a lot closer to his emotions, and I think that’s what made the romance and Danny’s attraction to Oliver so convincing. And after reading Drowning, Not Waving, I feel that events are put into perspective so much more, seeing Danny’s side to things. I especially liked the use of words like “grockle”; using local dialect always helps add that extra bit of authenticity to the narrative, and it added to the realism of the story.
Even though this story was mostly driven on by characterisation, I thought the little details were excellent, particularly the Muggles’ suspicions about what went on in Tinworth. I liked how this fits into canon perfectly, with the mentions of the war later on and the fact that Penelope Clearwater went to the same school as Danny. I really liked how you could make those connections with canon and yet not make it seem shoehorned in. The fact that the story was written from the point of view of a Muggle just makes that even more impressive :)
On another note, I thought the ending was a little rushed. The story seemed to wrap up too quickly for my liking, and I would have liked to know how things went with Oliver and Danny and why Oliver decided to return when he did, but I appreciate that you had a word count restriction because of the challenge. Nevertheless, I did like the fact that Danny became a writer, since, as a writer myself, I really do understand why Danny essentially self-inserted in his novel. And Danny wrote supernatural novels! That made me smile, because I can see that happening for sure, given Oliver’s mother did magic in front of him and everything -- it makes sense that Danny would be intrigued by magic and would want to write about it. That was yet another wonderful touch to the story, and it said so much about Danny as a Muggle: the fact that he didn’t seem scared by it but was fascinated by it was such a refreshing change from what I normally read about Muggles discovering magic.
Carole, I have to say, this is one of my favourite stories by you. I enjoyed it greatly. Good luck in the challenge, and I will try to remember to nominate it for the QSQs next year!
Author's Response: Flailing at the SPEW review. Thank you so much, Soraya, this means such a great deal to me because I did work at this story. It's been in the process of being written for well over a year, so when I finally set down to write it, it was with some trepidation.
I'm pleased you picked up on Danny's insecurity, largely covered by his dismissive attitude. I do think, that in spite of our much more liberal times, that some people are always going to be very uncomfortable around homosexuality, or they just take the pee the whole time. Mike, whilst I'm sure he'd say he's fine, is so unrelaxed by it, and although I don't think he'd ever be overtly prejudiced, he's never going to condone Danny's lifestyle.
Hmm, interesting what you said about Oliver's mum. In DNW, she is far more sympathetic, but Oliver is eighteen in that story, and here he's sixteen and this is the first time she's realised that her son might be gay. I don't think she's prejudiced, but she is very protective and knows what her husband could do to Oliver. Yes, she's not at all nice to Danny, (although she gives him Skele-Gro) but there's a part of her that is also protecting him. If there's any prejudice in her, it's a slight prejudice against Muggles because she's seen their reactions towards witches and wizards. Danny is one of those Muggles who is always going to be aware of magic, bit like a Squib (although he's not) and I think Selena is wary of that. When I eventually finish Riptide (the DNW sequel) you will see a little more of Selene and Robert Wood which I hope will hel;p slot this and her actions into place.
Gah, so much else I really should say after such a wonderful review, but I can't put it into words. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. ~Carole~
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood are what remain after the flowers die off, far overshadowing the few months when they splay their gaudy plumage to the summer sun. They’re nice sometimes; for the most part, though, they are sharp and vindictive and unworthy of the attention they receive.
No, Rose thinks. Roses are ugly.
This story has been nominated for a 2013 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Next Generation Story.
OH EM SQUEEEEEEE I LOVED THIS JESS YOU ARE AMAZING :D
Hehehehehehe. Okay, proper review time now, since you are rather scary when you want to be, Jess, and I don't want to incur the wrath of the SPEW Queen with a spammy review.
I loved this. Albus is adorable in his characterisation, and I like how all the AlbusRose stories I've read so far have the whole unrequited love thing going. It makes it beautifully angsty, but not wangsty, thankfully. I just wanted to hug poor Albus, especially because it was clear that Rose didn't love him back :(
And I loved how you used what is actually an overused motif for stories featuring Rose and made it your own. They always think it’s clever because of her name, but she is a person, not a plant. That is so true. And I really like how you also commented on Albus's namesake, because ngl I did kind of groan when I saw what Harry had named his kids.
This pairing is just so beautiful, at least to me, and you have made it even more so, so well done :) I kind of doubt that Albus and Rose would actually be okay with each other ever again, though :(
Fab fic, Jessssssss!
I think the thing about angsty AlRose is that, just like any other crush from the teenage years, it has just as much potential to be one-sided as any other. The only difference here is that they had a great relationship before this and, as you said, might not do so after this. It's almost sadder to me than them not getting together.
The rose motif was carefully chosen. Rose's dislike of her namesake is one of the reasons I'm glad I wasn't named after a flower, because themed gifts would piss me off, too. But Albus didn't do it because he couldn't think outside the box; he merely liked the flowers because they made him think of her and because they are beautiful. As Rose points out, they are sharp and vindictive out of season, but they are still the most popular and sought-out flowers for all occasions. Maybe no one likes a perfect, docile bloom that doesn't have anything to say for itself. Or, maybe that's what Albus loves about her.
Will they be 'all right' after this? Oh, I think they will be eventually. One cannot count the number of friendships that get scuttled when one party falls for the other and the feeling is not mutual. Some recover; some don't. I personally think they will, because in the end, Rose loves Al, albeit in a different way than Al would like, and I think she would do whatever it took not to lose her friend and cousin to this. And maybe she did feel something for him and wasn't prepared to admit it, but I don't know if it's enough to work with for them. Here's hoping. :)
Thanks for the review and listening to me ramble in return. <3
Wow. This story truly took my breath away, to the point that I have reread it several times, and each time, I notice something I didn’t see before and appreciate the story even more. Your exploration of Sirius’s psyche during such a dark time in his life was so expertly done here. I could really feel Sirius’s claustrophobia and his loneliness in this story. What’s more, you pulled off Sirius’s voice so well that I was pretty sure I could hear his voice in my head, and that made this tale so much more vivid and realistic, for me.
One of my favourite aspects of this story was the use of first person, which I thought was the perfect choice for this style, and you got into Sirius’s head so incredibly well throughout, especially by Sirius seemingly talking to himself at the beginning of the story. I really understood, as a reader, the way Sirius was driven so close to insanity as a result of being in Azkaban. The fact that Sirius called himself a “mangy dog” was heartrending to read, not just because he was clearly going crazy, but also because Sirius’s own self-loathing was evident. Most importantly, though, I thought Sirius’s internal monologue sounded completely natural, exactly how I would have imagined his voice, which in turn made his mindset easy to empathise with.
Another stylistic strength of yours was rather unconventional storytelling. The use of long sentences, for instance, was something I found really built up the tension felt during the scene when Sirius asks Fudge for the newspaper. I felt there was so much pent-up emotion in that one sentence, especially because of the lack of commas, and that really reflected the endlessness of time that Sirius was feeling while in Azkaban. Similarly, I liked your use of other technical details that truly reflected the turbulence of Sirius’s emotions while in his cell — the use of capital letters, for example, as well as question and exclamation marks, were all used so effectively. I also appreciated the fact that these techniques were used sparingly, as I think this kind of experimentation is easy to overuse.
There is so much to love about this story in terms of characterisation, as well, because I could see so many sides of Sirius’s character in what is quite a short one-shot. Most noticeably, I could see Sirius’s loneliness as a result of being surrounded by the Dementors through your description of Azkaban and Sirius’s description of himself. I could really feel how oppressive the atmosphere was in prison, especially by how Sirius was bombarded with the sounds of the inmates, the Dementors and even nature. In the same way, I liked how you used smell to paint such a vivid picture of how overwhelming Azkaban was for Sirius as a character.
I thought you showed Sirius’s intelligence, despite his incarceration, really well through his eloquence in the narrative. There were so many beautifully written lines in this (my favourite being “I don’t have a lot of words to spare, when thought itself comes in brief spurts”) that juxtaposed perfectly with profanity, and I felt that Sirius, however angry, would remain well-spoken, something I really appreciated. On that note, upon first reading, I will admit that I found the part when Sirius asks Fudge for the newspaper a little too polite, considering his mindset throughout. But then I thought about it, and it actually makes sense, bearing in mind his upbringing, because I have a feeling Sirius probably had manners forced upon him by his parents.
Though this was clearly character-driven, I loved that this had a plot to it, too. The flashbacks with James were so touching and well-chosen. I particularly liked the one in which James asks Sirius to stay with him over the summer, because I can imagine Sirius would cling so much to his memories of James to keep away the Dementors. I did find the non-linearity confusing, at times, but in a good way, because I could also see how it was a good reflection of Sirius’s mind, which would have felt that confusion keenly all the time.
Finally, I thought you handled the issue of self-injury with its due sensitivity. It made sense, considering how badly he was affected by Dementors, that feeling pain was the only way for him to have more clarity. Those moments stayed with me long after I had finished the story, and I applaud you for exploring the topic so well, without it ever becoming gratuitous.
As I'm sure you can tell, Natalie, this was such a beautiful read and definitely one of my favourites by you. Your story touched me and made me even more attached to Sirius than I already was. Keep up the fabulous work!
Author's Response: SORAYA!
GINA! Omg I love this! I've read so many of your marauder stories, and yet you still manage to get all of them spot on in terms of characterisation, and your j/l plots are always so beautifully original. I... can't remember reading another chance, but I followed this just fine. Poor James! I wanted to hug him. But I get why Lily might have said no to him -- I did always think they rushed into things too quickly, tbh.
I LOVED the little tribute to James/sirius too! :D even if it amounted to nothing, lol. But I think one of the biggest strengths of the story was how realistic the Order's business seemed. I know you had some issues with it, but I seriously didn't notice at all because of the ease of your writing :)
Apologies for capitalisation errors/typos. I'm in form class (that's homeroom for you I think) so I haven't had time to look over it or anything. Anyway, this was a fabulous start. I look forward to reading more, and this story deserves wayyyyyyyy more reviews.
Author's Response: Thank you, Soraya!!! Is it really original? Because sometimes I think - hm, not really. But then I don't necessarily let myself be too bothered because I do love this couple SO FREAKING MUCH. Haha, James/Sirius FTW! Can't you just picture them waking up drunk though? That was such fun. So glad the Order came off well, I felt like I was writing around it a lot, lol. And I'm glad you like it, hope you enjoy the rest!! Thanks again! ~Gina :)
Awwwww, they are so adorably awkward together, lol. And yet I just want them to get back togetherrrrrrr.
This is a very short review because I really want to see where things are going, Gina, but rest assured I am loving it so far :D
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Soraya! I'm glad you are enjoying it so far and hope you enjoy the rest. It'll be short. More awkwardness to come. ;) Thank youuuuuu~ Gina :)
The plot thickens! OMG, Gina, this is great! I really liked this, and I think, again, you captured the whole badass Order thing perfectly. I loved the definite awkwardness between James and Lily in this, and I also think the tension regarding the Death Eater attack was really well-written.
I... have no crit whatsoever! Fabbity fab fab. :D I can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you for the Order comment. This one wasn't bothering me as much as trying to give Frank and Alice an assignment. That totally tanked. *sigh* I'm glad I could build up the tension well enough, now onto the attack. No crit, really? Wow. So glad you enjoyed it, hope I live up in the rest, lol! ~Gina :)
What a great story! After receiving so many lovely reviews from you, I thought it was about time I returned the favour, and I must say, this story is up there with your best. Your exploration of Ron’s character was spot-on, both in terms of his mannerisms and actions, but also his deeper characteristics, like how his Boggart had changed over time. I also liked your portrayal of Ron and Hermione’s relationship. Ultimately, though, I thought it was Ron’s compelling characterisation that stood out to me and really drove your story forward.
Ron’s maturity and change in priorities in Deathly Hallows really showed in what his Boggart was. I admire how you dug into Ron’s psyche here, because I could see Ron changing and becoming tougher as he grew older, just as his Boggart was becoming more serious than simply a spider. As another reviewer mentioned, you demonstrated that some Boggarts are harder to overcome than others. I really liked the subtlety of Ron’s fear here -- perhaps the Boggart being Hermione’s dead body was expected, but I liked how you extended that, as he also had the dilemma in how to confront the Boggart. I myself don’t know how he could have made Hermione’s dead body funny or destroy it in any way, apart from by saving her, so I really connected with Ron during that moment. It reminded me of Molly’s Boggart in OotP, and I thought you emphasised how helpless Ron felt at not being able to help Hermione.
Hermione’s characterisation was wonderful, too. I liked that she still bossed Ron around and bickered with him, as that brought things back to canon and showed that their relationship hadn’t really changed much from when they were at school. I also thought it was interesting that Hermione overcame Ron’s Boggart for him. I really appreciated seeing their dependence on each other in this way, especially when Hermione admitted that she had depended on Ron, too, when she was being tortured by Bellatrix and Ron’s voice was the only thing keeping her going. Not only did you highlight Ron’s helplessness at the idea of Hermione’s death, but also, I think you really brought out how strong Ron’s feelings for Hermione were.
Style-wise, I felt your story really got to the bare bones of Ron’s character by the simple, pared down writing. I don’t think I would have identified with Ron nearly as strongly without that simplicity, and considering Ron’s worst fear is the focus of the story, it was fitting that the emotions were so powerfully felt, both in the present and past. I thought you incorporated the flashback of the events of Malfoy Manor effectively and in a way that was never confusing, which I know from experience isn’t always easy. I did think the shift to Hermione’s point of view was a little abrupt, as the story had been in Ron’s perspective up until that point. Perhaps it might have been better to use a paragraph break to show the change in viewpoint, for clarity’s sake. However, on the whole, I thought the narrative flowed smoothly, particularly the flashback.
When I first read this story, I’ll admit I did pause at the idea of Ron and Hermione only discussing what happened in Malfoy Manor several years after the fact. But when I thought about it, it makes sense, because being tortured isn’t exactly easy to talk about, and the events of Malfoy Manor happened so quickly, so I'm guessing they never really got the chance to sit down and talk about it properly. And I also got the impression that perhaps the two of them had some communication problems as a result not just of Malfoy Manor but also the Battle of Hogwarts, Fred’s death and so on. I could see how that affected both of them in this story. I’m glad you included such imperfections in their relationship, because that is what made this all the more real and believable to read.
Overall, Nadia, I really enjoyed this story. It was a fabulous character study of Ron, while also showing a fresh take of Romione as a pairing. And as I've been out of the HP loop for a while, this was a great story to get me back into it. Good job, and keep it up!
Alex, this was fabbity fabbbbb! I remember reading the original Rest in the Bed, and I was rather sad to see it go, so it was so nice to read this. I felt a lot of the questions I had regarding Scorpius/Lily were answered.
ZOMG, I loved it so much that I even forgave you for making Louis gay, lolol. Although you might have got the idea from that joke Lily made, hehehehehe :P No, seriously, I did like the fact that you had Louis and Lily as friends, at least, because I love any kind of relationship between them, and I think it was done fabulously, especially since it's clear they understood each other well.
Scorpius is a silly boy for choosing that Tanya bitch over Lily, though. O.o Still, he's hot :P I squeed so hard when you included the shower scene. I... for some reason, I had a thing for them, and though I'm over that now, I am so glad I kind of dared you to write it on AIM haha. And the shoehorn... lolololol. Like I didn't even know such a thing existed -- I had no idea a shoehorn was used as a noun.
And what I loved the most about this fic? It's just so simple in terms of plot, but the emotions felt by Lily and Scorpius are so much more complicated than that. Like I should have been mad at Scorpius for leaving Lily, but I couldn't be, because like Lily, I can't blame him for falling in love with someone else. (Given I am channelling Lily, this should come to no surprise :) )
Know that you are fabulous and that I don't deserve such loveliness. Heart youuuuuuu!
A birthday present for the ever wonderful Soraya, whose praises I have sung so many times I have run out of words. Happy Birthday, Soraya - have a good cry. :P
So I think this will be an entirely flaily review that is written in a stream of consciousness. Fair warning, lol.
Awwwww cute James/Lily is always cute. And I love how you manage to capture that ever-familiar feeling of dread because of the war -- Marauder Era is so your thing! You really should write it more often. I feel you really caught the mood in a realistic manner for people of their age, only just leaving school. And it makes me so sad to see Lily and James hoped to have children, plural, but were never able to have more than one :( On another note, it was lovely to see that whole thing of being scared of adulthood -- I so get what they mean. Because me... seventeen... just no, ha.
AND DOUBLE AWWWWWW. So Remus and Sirius are already together? Yayyyy. I love Sirius. He is adorable, especially when he’s blushing lol. And James’s “Oh” is perfect. Just perfect. And Sirius -- squeeeee! “I want to live with this one” -- like I said, perfection :D
Yussssss to Lily helping get Sirius and Remus together in the end :D I always thought she would have something to do with it. And awww it was like Sirius proposed to Remus, in a way, haha.
EEEEEP how terse! Oh, you have really got me emotional now with that situation *just* before James and Lily’s deaths. And I so get why Sirius would suspect Remus during such a difficult time, too. That ending “Love you” is wonderfully placed, as well :D and so so heartbreaking.
I want to hug Remus so much when seeing him in so much pain emotionally. As well as other things, but I won’t go into that here, lol.
That final scene -- I LOVE the nostalgia of them as former lovers and all those years not seeing each other and that mutual decision to try again. That last line in particular just broke my heart, though: "I'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for lost time." CRYYYYYYYY!
Overall, Jamie, you should be well aware of how amazing you are and how much this means to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH and I heart you lots!
YAYYYYYYY JIRIUS! :D
Gina, I LOVED this! (Not that that’s any surprise, lol.) It’s rather different from your James/Lily, which is the last thing of yours I read, and I think there’s something so much more beautifully angsty about this story which is made even more heartbreaking because I know they don’t end happily, at least not on Sirius’s part. :(
Drunk!Sirius is a bit scary, ngl. And yet it is completely in character for him, I think, given he was so depressed in OOTP and likely bordering on becoming an alcoholic, too, which makes me rather sad. :( But that’s what makes this fic so powerful -- the fact that James being with Lily could set him off like that just proves that he really was in love with James all along, and I refuse to believe otherwise at least in my own head canon. :D
Awwww he gets so jealous! Poor Sirius. And he even admits he’s trying to be happy for James but can’t and that just makes it so much sadder. And then he tries not to say anything, and I can’t help but want to scream at James to just understand already, lol.
I wish James returned Sirius’s feelings! They are so hot together -- but I see why they didn’t end up together. After all, James loves Lily, and I think the way you set it up is so, so IC of James -- and, of course, you know James inside out, so I’m glad things played out the way they did, even if Sirius ended up worst off.
Oh, typical of Sirius to blame the drink. Sigh. AND THEN JAMES SAYS I LOVE YOU TO SIRIUS AND OH I AM JUST FLAILING SO HARD SQUEEEEE.
You are Siriusly amazingly fantabulous, Gina. I am so glad to call you a friend, and I really do not deserve such fabness from you, honestly. I heart you!
Author's Response: So glad you liked it, dear! It was a thrill to write! Remember when we were chatting and you mentioned your SPEW prompts? I may or may not have stalked those a bit. I had this drabble and when I saw James/Sirius and saw unrequited I was like OH OH OH! And it just literally wrote itself. But, to put it in perspective, I also beta-ed Jamie's piece, wrote Sirius's boggart, and that battle you did for me. Hence the angssssssst! But, it could have gone like this - like you said, in this story, I tried to keep in iC and have it make sense in the end. Poor Sirius. Can you imagine? Bit like that moment in Monochrome between him and Remus *sigh* However, I must agree on the hot thing because MERLIN can I picture this, lol! Anyway, that's rambly enough. A tremendous thank you for the review and yet another HAPPY BIRTHDAY! So glad you liked it, you deserve it! ~Gina :)
Let me begin with apologies. The stupid archives ate my review ages ago, and I’ve been meaning to review this pile of utter gorgeousness for weeks now, but school has been so busy D: that I haven’t had time. Sorry! And I was going to review it for SPEW, but then I remembered how fabulous it was and realised I would collapse into a wibbling heap of flailiness, so to make sure I’m not kicked out of SPEW, lol, prepare for another terrible stream-of-consciousness review, only, well, three weeks late?
Now, I don’t know the song, but I am listening to it now, and... hmmmm. Interesting! I think I like this one more than the other one you and Lily recced to me a while back.
And awwwwwww poor Sirius! D: I feel so sorry for him, being stuck in that prison cell for so long. And I totally get why he would suspect Remus of being the traitor -- I think you conveyed the paranoia of that time period so well, and the guilt that Sirius feels just breaks my heart. Aaaahhhh.
Also, this line:
I put my trust in a rat rather than the person who set my blood on fire with a glance or a mere sigh.
*FLAILLLLLLLLLLLL* I looove that. Fabulously put, my dear Jess. I may or may not be nominating that for the quotations thing :)
And then he’s off! Ugh I wish Sirius had killed Peter. And then he and Remus could’ve lived happily ever after and neither of them would have died :( :( :(
What makes me so sad is that Sirius and Remus don't have a chance in the end. But at the same time, I can see why that happened, with their romance having burned out when they were young. The way you have it, it’s so heartbreaking but also realistic.
AND THEN HE DIEEEEES NOOOOOO! :( Ha, I knew that would happen, obviously, but it still makes me weep every time I read it in fanfic. Also, I love that you continued the story into the afterlife -- I find that stuff so interesting. :D
Awww, I love the whole section of Remus/Tonks. This bit in particular:
She can fix him. I’m more certain about this than anything, either in life or death. I know this because of the way she holds him: not like he will break at any moment, but reverently, as if he were the most precious thing in the world.
was beautiful, and I love how you didn't undermine the canon pairing, but if anything, you beautified it. and I squeed when I read “colourful baby boy” because that just sounds so cute.
OOOOOH THE BATTLE. That was written so well, Jess! And then Remus dies :( OH but then they kiss and James and Lily are there, lololol. :D It reminds me a bit of Sophie’s fic (the one she wrote for my birthday), actually -- and I think, for someone who says Marauders aren’t her strong suit, this story proves otherwise, because your characterisation of James and Lily and Sirius is fabulous.
Yayayayayayayay a serious/Sirius joke xD I do love those things. And I love how this ended so happily, too.
All in all, if you don't know that you are amazing and fabulous and a bloody brilliant writer... well, you do now. :D THANK YOUUUU for writing such a gorgeous story for me -- it means so much. Know that I heart you lots and fangirl you even more.
I have no excuses. None at all. Well, except for how bloody busy I’ve been lately which has meant I haven’t got round to reviewing your lovely, lovely pile of loveliness until now D: I am sooo sorry. But here I am, only, um, three weeks late! Just so you know, this will be an awful, nowhere-near-SPEW-worthy, stream-of-consciousness review.
I love the set up of this story! I think it’s so light-hearted and written in such a... what’s the word... bouncy way, almost, and I love how fun the banter is between James and Lily. That kind of Marauder dialogue never ever gets old, at least not for me. And I giggled so much about how they were speculating over Remus and Sirius’s relationship (I so agree with Lily -- they are hot together) and the tickling, hehehehehe.
And then I get to see my gorgeous boys together! :D I love how you managed to suggest so much but never make it explicit, because while I am partial to smut, I also think that the people who can make something that’s 3rd-5th sexy still have some serious (sorry, lol) talent. So much of what happens between Remus and Sirius is implied, and I definitely think the less is more approach worked perfectly here. I also love how you switched scenes quite a few times in the story and yet how they were always connected in some way. Beautifully done, my dear. :)
“You’re so adorable when you’re helpless on the floor,” he explained.
Aaaaaahhhhh! Such a James line! :D :D :D Oh they are so lovely and witty, the pair of them. Sophie, you write James so well. I think you deserve to have him in his Hogwarts years at least just for that line. And I giggled at this:
James’s hands were too busy elsewhere to worry about little things like doors.
and then that last line was priceless, when, hahahahahahahaa, they found Remus and Sirius together, lolol:
“Sorry to interrupt, guys,” she called happily.
I love how you made Lily so carefree in this. Seriously (sorry, ha, I can’t help it), I think you do so well in veering completely away from the clichés and really making Lily your own as a character.
Well, I think that’s it! I am soooo sorry for taking an age to review this, but school and RL in general have been byotches. Sorry about that. This story is fabulous. So are you. I heart you lots, and I hope you write more of both pairings in the future, because I think you did a wonderful job of it. :D
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you for such a lovely review, Soraya. You don't have to make excuses for anything. I've been awful at replying to you!
Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this, and, well you know you say it was bouncy? I think I was bouncing a little bit as I wrote. These characters just fill me with squee. I'm glad I managed to convince you of Sirius & Remus's hotness together -- they're certainly that way in my head :p I'm no good at writing explicit smut, but I do like making implications, haha.
The scene switches... Well, I think they pretty much happened when I was struggling to figure out what should come next with one pairing. It wasn't planned; the connections just sort of reflect my thought process at the time. I'm so glad you thought it worked. And my Lily and James too. I'm so bad at thinking things through as I write, so it's fabulous to hear that you liked them. I can't believe you just offered to give me James, though! Natalie won't be pleased :p
That's all I can think of to say right now, except thank you, thank you, thank you again. You don't need to apologise for anything because this review makes me soooo happy! I heart you lots too <3
Having thoroughly enjoyed modding your chaptered Romione story, Seven Simple Years, I thought it was about time I visited your author page, and I am so glad I did, because this story was so powerful and well-written. It’s a shame it only has two reviews, really, because it certainly deserves more than that. You write angst beautifully, and there’s a real honesty and lyricism to your writing style that shone in this story.
As the central character of the story, I think you nailed Ron here during two moments in his life when I’m sure he felt the worst. The first, when he left Harry and Hermione in the tent, was so emotionally explosive: the guilt, desperation and the voices of doubt inside his head were all done very well. I could see how deeply Ron regretted doubting Harry and ignoring Hermione, especially when he was crying, something I can barely remember him doing in canon and yet something that fitted in perfectly in that moment. And the second, after they returned from Malfoy Manor, was also packed with emotion, but I could see the difference between the two sections -- there was far more hope in the latter section, and I think you showed Ron’s transformation perfectly. He was still scared, yes, but that fear was for Hermione, and there was no guilt this time, and the change in Ron’s character was so subtle and yet so effective.
When I read your author’s notes, I was a little unsure, I’ll admit, about the plot, mostly because I’ve never read a Ron fic where he contemplates suicide. I wasn’t sure how in character it would be, but I needn’t have doubted, because I think you did a fabulous job of exploring Ron’s emotions and yet always retaining his characterisation. The backdrop of the war is never forgotten in this fic; I like how it’s not just the thought of Hermione, or Harry, that stops Ron from killing himself; it’s more about Ron himself and what he meant to his family, too particularly in this line: “People cared about him. People missed him. Above all, he knew he could be better than what he was currently. He may be beaten, lost and barely recognisable now, but the real him and the person he could be, were still there somewhere.” I felt like I really identified with Ron there, and I understood why he was thinking about suicide, because he doubted his own loyalty so much. But I also understood why he stopped himself: for his own self-worth and for the people he loved. I thought you dealt with what is a very sensitive subject with due respect, in that it was realistically handled, justified and never glorified, which is what I think is of utmost importance with D/A fics.
Even though the story wasn’t particularly plotty, I was engrossed from beginning to end because of your style, which was poetic with some great turns of phrase. The one that stayed with me the longest was “The sibilance could have been from a hot iron, branding words like 'failure' and 'traitor' into his skin where they belonged”, because again, I sympathised so much with Ron in that moment. I did think, at times, that the use of “thirty hours” was a little too repetitive, even if it is the title. The symmetry of it is good, and I liked how this motif in the story linked the two scenes together, but perhaps it would have been more effective if it was used slightly more sparingly (so instead of using the phrase in the first three paragraphs, it might have been more effective if the phrase was only repeated in one paragraph). However, this is quite a minor point, and in no way did it hinder my enjoyment of the story, especially as the simplicity and lyricism of your writing style is what brought the story alive.
In terms of structure, I thought the length was perfect for a concise, well-told story, and the full-circle elements -- the fact that he was at the cliff during both sections -- really helped in proving what a u-turn Ron as a character had made. And while I generally like stories with dialogue in it, I barely noticed the lack of dialogue in this story, because it read almost like Ron’s internal monologue. The fact that it was all narrative intensified the tension of Ron’s situation as well as highlighted the fact that Ron was alone, at least in the first part. The absence of speech also made the story so much more introspective, which worked really well in exploring Ron’s emotions. Hermione’s two sole words of speech, therefore, were so full of optimism and hope, and I liked that you retained that introspective feel of the story by italicising speech instead of using speech marks.
Above all, I thought both sections were great missing moments in really showing what Ron felt, because that was one side of the story that I didn’t really see so much in DH. I enjoyed reading it especially because of the new material you brought in, rather than just rehashing what we already know in canon; the missing moment was brought alive and the story carried forward by your lovely writing style and, ultimately, your excellent characterisation.
Keep up the good work, and I hope to read more from you soon!
Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for reading, reviewing and modding SSY as well - it is all very much appreciated :) Ron crying is always a hard thing to put into a story because he only cries about three times in canon, but I'm really glad that you think it worked here. I was trying to show how much he had changed, as well as that although they were stood in the same place, Ron and Hermione felt very different things. The first moment is definitely the low point in the books for Ron and I think I just took that idea and ran with it. Despite all this though, he still a strong person so I felt it was important to have him not go through with it for himself. I was really worried about that line about the branding so it's nice to hear that it worked. This whole story started because I wanted to write something without dialogue actually. I thought those two words being italicised would be cheating! Anyway, thank you so much for this detailed review :)
Ooooooooh, Gina, this is really interesting! This will be a short review because I'm really intrigued now, but just to say that I haven't read much fanfic outside of the queue (and lj...) for a while, so I thought this story would be a good starting point. You've characterised Frank and Alice nicely, and I think the set up of it is done really well. I can see that them having a past is likely a recipe for disaster, lol -- I can't wait to see how they get together. Also, your dialogue is fabulous and bantery. :D
Anyway, enough from me. See you at the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for coming to read this story! I'm glad you enjoyed the beginning! Yay for banter! I was worried it might not work outside of my J/L universe, lol. Thank you for the review!! ~Gina :)
OOOOOOOOOOH, the plot thickens! :D This is a great chapter, Gina. I think you did well in creating chemistry between Alice and Frank, and you've done a fabulous job of having a pretty tense atmosphere in the Auror Office. And the inclusion of John Lupin is just so intriguing -- this story reads like a crime book, to me, and that's my favouritest genre to read, so yay to that.
Also, Frank is so endearing as a character -- I love how serious he is and how Alice has managed to loosen him up at least a little. I can see why he would be uptight, with a mother like Augusta, lol. I am loving Alice's characterisation, too: she's feisty and pretty damn badass.
Off to chapter three (yes, I will probably finish reading what's up today... I'm just too engrossed right now to stop!)
Author's Response: Thank youuuu! I did think, just a bit, that if I played it right, this could have gone into the mystery category, which I've never done, but in the end it's more about them than what's going on around them. I'm glad you like the characterization. They really came to life for me, which was good because I live with the Marauders in my head so often, lol. Thanks again!! ~Gina :)
Ooooh I like John. I can see Remus in him, although I'm wondering what happened to Remus's mother... hmm, I wonder if she'll turn up later on.
I also really admire how determined Frank is to get to the bottom of things. He's an amazingly dedicated person, and I think you put that across really well. You know, reading this makes me sad because we know how they end up :( although this is of course a good thing. I noticed at the beginning that there was something very JKRish about this story. I can't quite put my finger on what it is -- perhaps your style is a little bit more formal? Anyway, I love your attention to detail and the way you can so easily put forward important information (in this case, the issues with the werewolf community) without making it an infodump.
I also loved the inclusion of the Marauders, even if they are only by name, as well as the very evident backdrop of war throughout this story so far. Oh, and finally, I think it's great that you're really not rushing the romance. Like, I can see they're both at least vaguely attracted to each other (but I know that anyway because they marry and all that, lol), but I like that you're taking your time with things rather than rushing their romance, if you know what I mean.
Great job! :D
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed John Lupin's appearance. It came to me months ago but I just didn't think it would work. And the Marauders themselves will make more concrete appearances as well. And I'm glad it doesn't seem rushed, I hope that doesn't change, lol. Thanks so much for all the reviews!! ~Gina :)
Wowowowow, Gina, that was intense! :D You write action so well, and I think you fleshed out the Death Eaters really well too. I guess Alice probably thought she cocked that up, but I'm glad Frank thought she was good in the field. Yay to that :)
I have to say, reading about them being undercover was rather lulzy, even though that cover was quickly blown. Like I said, I think this has a great cop show feel to it, somehow, and I love it :D
AND THEN OMG THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER. What happened to John? DDDD: I neeeeed the next chapter. Update soon, and know you are amazing ;)
Author's Response: This was such fun to write! Yes, it does have that cop show/spy caper feel to it, hee hee. But then the end - dun dun dun! I love cliffhangers. So glad for your reaction. ;) Thank you for the compliment. I'm not all that but I'm so glad you are enjoying the story! Thanks!! ~Gina :)