Hi there! I’m Soraya. I’m seventeen years old and am a proud Muslim British Bangladeshi. I live in East London and have loved reading and writing from a young age. I’m rather obsessed with Harry Potter (aren’t we all, lol?), tea (not a surprise considering I’m a Brit) and good grammar. School eats me up most of the time, but the last year or so has been made far, far more bearable because of MNFF and all the wonderful, fabulous friends I’ve made here.
Some of those friends are, in no particular order: Alex, Jess, Carole, Gina, Natalie, Kara, Hannah!Bob, Lori, Pooja, Nadia, Julia, Minna, Maple, Emma, the Ebil One, Sophie, Ellie, Lily, Lovisa, Ariana, Jamie, Meg, Lisa, Sarah and Dinny. You guys are amazing and you all rock!
Just so you know, these are posted firstly according to what kind of pairing, if any, is in the story, and then in chronological order in accordance to my own canon, not necessarily the order in which they were posted.
My first chaptered fic. This is rather dark James/Lily, despite its many clichés, lol. It’s terribly written, but I still have a place in my heart for it because of how much fun it was to write. This story has now been deleted, but if you really, really want to read it, you can still find it on FF.net and HPFF. (I advise you don't, though :P)
Second Childishness and Mere Oblivion (James/Lily)
Written for Round One (Major Characters) of Madam Pomfrey’s Character Clinic Triathlon, this one-shot is about James and Lily’s relationship getting rockier and rockier after they left Hogwarts, especially when Lily is faced with the trials of being a wife and motherhood. This has a bit of smut in it, hehe.
My Love is Always Here (James/Lily)
This was a belated birthday present for the wonderful Gina/Gmariam, aka the queen of James/Lily. Motherhood is getting to Lily, and Harry is being a pain.
One and Only (Remus/Tonks)
Written for the lovely Alex/Ithinkrabis2people in the Ravenclaw Christmas Drabble Exchange. This is a missing moment set just after Tonks’s outburst to Remus in the hospital wing at the end of HBP.
Out of My Life (Harry/Ginny)
My only AU. I tweaked a small part of canon in this -- basically, Harry actually said goodbye to Ginny properly when he broke up with her. Very angsty, and this is only up for sentimental reasons.
A Different Kind of Magic (Harry/Ginny)
Written for the You’re Having My Baby challenge at SIYE. Ginny finds out she’s pregnant, but Harry receives the news before her and therefore has to tell his wife. This was my first ever story at MNFF. It was written when I was thirteen, and it definitely shows, so it would not be wise to read it, lol. I was, however, thrilled with the reception it got, which is something :)
A Different Kind of Magic 2: Parenthood (Harry/Ginny)
A sequel, obviously, to A Different Kind of Magic. Ginny goes into labour, and both Harry and Ginny realise what it means to be parents. Again, this was written from Back in the Days and is hence not worth your time, hehe.
The Caustic Ticking of the Clock (Rowena/Helga)
Written for the Great Hall Cotillion, this story is my only Founders story so far, and it’s about Rowena and Helga’s secret relationship. I am proud of this one, which doesn’t usually happen :)
Catching Fire (James/Sirius)
This was written for SPEW 007. My prompt was “Embers”, and it’s set just after Remus’s second transformation with the Marauders. James is badly injured, and he and Sirius realise, inadvertently, that they might just have feelings for each other.
Flicker and Fail (Katie/Leanne)
This was written for Secret SPEW, and my recipient was the absolutely fabulous Alex/welshdevondragon. It’s my take on Leanne and Katie’s relationship from way before they were even at Hogwarts as well as what eventually happens to Katie in HBP, when she was cursed.
Blood and Roses (Scorpius/Rose, Scorpius/Dominique, Dominique/OC)
Written for the Great Hall Mysterious May challenge, this was my first Next Generation fic about Scorpius, mostly, and the trials he faces after his daughter is murdered.
Broken Glass (Louis/Lily)
This is the story of when Loulily really began. After the deaths of his immediate family, Louis is finding it hard to cope, even six months later. Lily somehow helps. It’s a little smutty. I’m proud of this one, too :)
The Highway of Regret (Scorpius/Lily, Scorpius/Rose, Louis/Lily)
Also written for the Great Hall Cotillion. It’s my one and only Scily. This is all about secret relationships and mistakes people make. Lily’s angry at Louis, and Scorpius has just broken up with Rose; when Lily gets drunk in the pub, things... happen. :P
I Will Lay Down My Heart (Albus/Rose, Scorpius/Rose)
Written for Round Two (Minor Characters) of Madam Pomfrey’s Character Clinic Triathlon. Albus has been in love with Rose for years, but what happened with them when they were younger has put a dent in their relationship. It doesn’t help that Rose is actually in love with Scorpius, either. This is smutty too.
This was written for the Great Hall-iday challenge for the Operation: Mistletoe prompt, and this was where my love for Loulily began.
This is about how five men in Potterverse dealt with remorse in different ways.
This poem is about how Remus feels about Sirius (not slashy, btw).
Written for the Magic in Music challenge over in Poetry, Anyone? This was set to the track “Obliviate” in DH1 and is about Hermione modifying her parents’ memories.
Written for the Goodbye challenge in Poetry, Anyone? This was about saying goodbye, and how difficult it could be.
After All This Time
Written for the Deathly Hallows challenge in Poetry, Anyone?. I ship unrequited Snape/Lily, and this is probably the only time Snape will be on my author page, lol.
Written for the MC Kreacher challenge in Poetry, Anyone? This was written from the POV of Bill Weasley after his wife’s death.
Written for the Great Bannermakers’ Hall challenge. The banner I picked had Merope Gaunt on it, and it’s probably my darkest story; it’s definitely the only one to have a dubious consent warning. It’s about, as you might guess, the abuse Merope suffered from her father and brother.
Written for SPEW 007. My prompt was “Juggling”, and it’s just a silly piece of dialogue-only banter between Remus and Sirius. Sirius realises Remus likes Tonks, and he tries to persuade Remus to act on his feelings.
And that’s it! Along with being a moderator, I’m also a member of SPEW and SBBC. I hope to see you around on the forums; feel free to contact me via PM or review if you have any questions or comments about my stories!
Summary: I have an ominous feeling that trouble is brewing. Call it whatever you want—foresight into the future or a Slytherin’s sense of self-preservation. Either way, I know something is going to happen tonight and it’s not going to be good.
Peer into the mind of Daphne Greengrass on the night of the Battle at Hogwarts
At last! I really like the last sentence--particularly as you had a lot of problems with it and everything--and I also really love the title. It was lovely beta'ing your work and I'd love to do it again.
One thing, though: isn't it complete already? Because the status on Mugglenet says that it's a WIP. Not that I mind--I can't wait to read more if there is more. And if there isn't, well done on a very well written oneshot.
Author's Response: Thank you and I was so glad to finally settle on a last sentence that I was ok with!! Well, I decided to make it a WIP because I started writing another one shot that I think would go really great with this one. Thanks again.
Summary: A tribute to Harry and Hermione's friendship.
Nominated for the 2011 Best Poetry QSQ! Thanks, Gina/Gmariam!
Aw, that was great. Heartbreaking, sweet, descriptive, fabulously written--it's definitely a favourite for me. What I like the most about this poem is how you can put so much into it with so little words. When I write poetry I tend to be so verbose that sometimes I end up spoiling the rhythm of the whole thing, but you've captured it perfectly. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks, Soraya! I'm glad you liked it.
Summary: Severus Snape fell off his broom the first time he tried to fly. He had no natural talent, not like the loathsome Potter, and couldn't really see the point at all in Quidditch.
But then he saw Lily watching a certain Chaser play and suddenly flying becomes very important.
I am not JK Rowling and I know nothing about flying on a broomstick. This is all made up.
Thank you Natalie (thelastolympian) for beta'ing this story in its original form a whole year ago.
This is a really interesting and believable piece. I would imagine that it would be in DH, in Snape's memories. It was written very well, as per usual, Carole, and what I liked about this the most is that you tweaked something that got rejected the first time round and actually used the critique to change things. I have to admit, though, I never thought Snape was that good a flyer, but I can understand why you think so and it is very Snape-like to start flying only because Lily was impressed with James' flying. This was a fab oneshot, so well done!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The point about Snape is not only was he able to fly well enough to referee Harry's matches in the first year (and being the referee means you have to be able to keep up with all the action), but he was also able to fly sufficiently well in the Seven Potters scene, unlike, say, Hermione or Fleur. What the Mod was trying to impress upon me was that I shouldn't have just dismissed Snape's flying as 'dreadful'. I did amend that chapter to Lily saying something like 'He's not as bad now, he practised.' This story isn't compliant with Lions at all, by the way.
Anyway, that's a long-winded response, but thank you for the review ~Carole~
Summary: For and about all the Harry Potter characters who made choices, for good or ill, according to what they thought, rather than what was expected from them because of their house, blood status, etc.
Wow! This was great! I really enjoyed reading this--you're a great poet. The rhyme scheme was unique and I loved the way you ended each stanza with the last two lines of the last stanza (if that makes any sense!). The rhythm was very good, the pace not too slow or fast. What Dumbledore said is very true as well. You did his words justice. Thank you very much for writing this poem as I simply adored it (as I do all deep poems like this one).
Author's Response: Thank you, Soraya! The rhyme scheme is unique, I agree - I definitely didn't come up with it; I had never even heard of it before they introduced it in this month's challenge in Poetry Anyone.
The pattern is A1, b, A2; a, b, A2; a, b, A1; a, b, A2; a, b, A1, A2. Rather confusing. Basically, you repeat the sentences A1 and A2 exactly, and the a sentences just need to rhyme with them, and the b sentences with each other. I hope you can't tell that I quite labored over this poem to make sure it met the pattern correctly. =P
Summary: A poem about Draco Malfoy and his steady downward path to Death Eater-dom.
Caught on the slide, he can't help remembering the words of Professor Dumbledore.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, Dylan Thomas or Sylvia Plath. But I'd like their talent.
I'd also like Julia's (theopaleye) talent with words. She is a poet extraordinaire who always sets us incredibly tough challenges on the boards for Poetry, Anyone?
This is brilliant! I'm a big fan of poems like this--someone else's that I reviewed (I think it was one of Gmariam's) was with this rhyme scheme too. The flow and word choice are great and I really enjoyed reading this. I think it's true, that Voldemort did enslave Draco's soul. Well done on a fab, fab poem!
Author's Response: Thank you very much. It was hard to write but very satisfying when I'd completed it. ~Carole~
Summary: Hermione and Lavender weren't particular friends. It was true they shared a dormitory, but for much of their school time they lived parallel and separate lives. Then Lavender helped Hermione get ready for the Yule Ball and that set off a chain of events that left both girls confused.
This story was inspired by a suggestion from Gina (Gmariam) and a drabble written for Natalie (hestiajones). This story is in no way 'caron -compliant' with Lavender, blue - a Gryffindor true.
Thank you Natalie for beta'ing this story.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, her lawyers agree, so don't confuse us. Lawyers for Miss Brown and Miss Granger were unavailable for comment.
Hi Carole! I seem to be getting into femmeslash lately, which is why my two SPEW reviews will be for slash stories — yours and Jess’s. I have to say, I loved this story. I mean, I love all your stories (there are only a few I haven’t read, and I will get round to reading them once exams are over) but this one is a special favourite. The best thing about it is that it fits in flawlessly with canon; it’s in character and it’s written so very well.
I'm never a fan of stories that start with dialogue. I don't know, I think I prefer description instead, and more importantly, most people tend to overdo dialogue beginnings or just do it completely wrong. But this one’s an exception, definitely, because there was just something really nice about how it started, with the dialogue, and how even though you mentioned the pairing in the summary, I was still wondering who the speakers were.
I'm also generally not a fan of stories set in GoF. But this was written so well, if I didn't know any better, I would’ve thought that this was actual canon, written by JKR herself. The fact that Hermione remained secretive about it was IC, as well as Lavender helping her with her hair. I've always thought one of the reasons Hermione’s hair is described as bushy is because she doesn’t really care about it or doesn’t know how to handle it, LOL. So I liked that it all started off with Lavender helping Hermione with her hair, especially as a thank-you.
I've never liked Lavender/Seamus. It’s always been so clichéd, and I really like how you turned that pairing around. (By the way, what on earth is a corsage? It was mentioned in a song in HSM3, but I don't know what it is :D) And the way you gave little hints of Lavender feeling attracted to Hermione, right from the beginning when Lavender liked the feeling of her hair, was really good. The way Hermione confided in Lavender about her first kiss was great — it was a nice parallel, having them both have their first kiss on the same night, and the backstory of Parvati with Hilaire was amusing in how clichéd Parvati seemed to describe her relationship as. Or, at least, how perfect it seemed. And I loved how Hermione’s girly side was explored in this, with the whole hair thing, and then the makeup thing. I mean, I hate makeup so I do know how Hermione must have felt, but even I wouldn’t mind someone putting makeup on me, and it would be nice to be taught how to as well :) And I would definitely be told not to take it up for a living, haha.
My favourite line, by far, was when Lavender found the lipstick on her cheek after kissing Hermione: “Don’t take this up for a living, Hermione.” That was just classic. And I liked how she referred to Pansy — I hate her too! I loved the reference to The Golden Boy, because I do think that the students would have been affected by Cedric’s death, and it was interesting that Lavender slept with Seamus as a way of drowning their sorrows and whatever. I have to say, I was mentally cheering when I read that Lavender broke up with Seamus.
If you don't mind me saying, I do think that the story is well-paced generally, but I think the middle section when you covered the events of OOTP were kind of brief. But I understand why — because of the plot. It didn't take anything away from the story, though. I just think you could have covered more in that time, maybe say something about Parvati’s backstory? I don't know, just it seemed the middle bit could do with a bit more. At the same time, I suppose there probably wasn’t much else to say.
The use of the Patronuses lesson was a great way to show how unhappy Lavender was, without saying it outright. I really liked that Lavender’s happiest memory was kissing Hermione, but even that wasn’t happy enough, because Lavender couldn’t be with her or anything. And I loved the little interlude in the hospital wing. Lavender showed she was considerate and everything, but I was wondering why Parvati didn't come along? Surely both of them cared about Hermione? Okay, obviously for Lavender it was to a bigger extent, but still, I think Parvati would want to visit her too. Just my opinion, of course.
I love the way the relationship develops. Hermione suddenly found that she needed Lavender, and I think that that was a great way to bring them closer after being pretty distant for most of the year. And I kind of feel like Hermione wasn’t lying when she said that Lavender was just there. I mean, she was attracted to her and vice versa, but I don't think Hermione would have been the one to initiate the kiss if she wasn’t feeling so vulnerable.
Finally, the best bit about this is that Lavender’s behaviour suddenly makes more sense. All this time, I thought she actually really liked Ron, but if it was a sneaky way of making Hermione jealous... I have to say, that is just genius. I'm not sure who to congratulate — you or Lavender! LOL. As a Romione shipper, while I do like this ship, I was glad that you stuck to canon until the very end, Carole, because I think Hermione probably isn’t gay, even in your story. I think it’s possible for her to just have been attracted to Lavender, and her attraction to Ron was stronger, I reckon. But that’s just the canon monster coming out :)
I really loved this story, Carole, and I’d like to see a sequel. Then again, you have so many WIPs at the moment that perhaps now’s not a great time to request? Thanks for writing, as always, because your stuff’s always brilliant to read in revision breaks.
Author's Response: Soraya, thank you for the lovely review.
Okay, a corsage is a flower like an orchid or something that the girl pins on her dress or wears around her wrist when she goes to a dance or prom type thing. The boy is supposed to buy it for her.
It's funny what you say about stories opening with dialogue because it is a style I probably overuse. I like it because it lands the reader directly into the action and I'm also not a huge fan of chunks of description at the beginning and tend to skip it (I am a very lazy reader)
I also quite like Seamus/Lavender but not as a happy-ever-after. It's more that I like the possibility of writing about young teenagers having some innocent fun. Although the fun here isn't innocent towards the end. Have you read The Golden Boy. Seamus side of that night is explored and it might make you feel a bit sadder for him. I wouldn;t want you to think that he in any way forced Lavender because it wasn't like that at all.
As far as a sequel goes, I really doubt it. In my canon, Lavender is with Blaise Zabini. She got together with him in their seventh year and they're still together when he's teaching at Hogwarts. I wrote this because Gina suggested the pairing when I was asking for a rare pair. Although I like the reasoning behind this because it stops Lavender being quite such a mush head over Ron, the relationship really doesn't work with my other stories so a sequel doesn't feature in my plans - Sorry. On the whole I do stick to canon - even with pairings that seem AU because I like tweaking Jo Rowlings world but not breaking it.
I didn't think about Parvati visiting Hermione in hospital, but my reasoning was that Lavender wanted to go alone and that it was a fairly impulsive thing. She brought her that rather ridiculous book, after all, whereas if she'd thought about it, she would have brought her something far more Hermione-ish.
Thank you very much for such a comprehensive review. I really do appreciate it. ~Carole~
Oops. Sorry, Carole, I should've made myself clearer -- I don't like how fanony the Seamus/Lavender pairing has become, that's what I meant. You did write it well and I did read Golden Boy. Jess wrote you a review on it and I was reviewing it for SPEW, so I thought it would be good to read the story too so that I could get a better idea on it. It was really good, The Golden Boy, and I didn't mean to insult Seamus. I know it wasn't a forced thing :) Sorry for not making myself clear on that.
Author's Response: Oh, no that's fine. I wasn't sure what you meant, that's all because Seamus in this story does come over as rather insensitive. I tend not to like Seamus/Lavender in fanon because they always seem to end up together and it seems unlikely. But I love both of them separately. I remember your review of Jess's review, now you mention it. ~Carole~
Summary: On her first night of patrol, Molly Weasley was armed with the basic rules of how to be a prefect, but one guideline had been woefully omitted from the list: what to do when a handsome delinquent robbed her of her ability to think.
I really liked this! I usually hate Scorpius/Anyone but Rose but this, like Dust In The Wind, won me over, so kudos to you for that, Jess!
The thing I love about writing Scorpius is that, because Draco is his father, he can be characterised in a variety of ways. He could be an entitled git like Draco, a rebellious child because everyone hates his family, or the product of Draco wanting his son to be suited to the new world and hence not a bigoted wanker. Since I hardly ever do the first option, I decided to sic him on poor Molly, lol.
Thanks for reading and reviewing, and have a good day/night/whatever. :)
On the day of Draco Malfoy's post-war trial for the conspiracy to murder Albus Dumbledore, one Harry James Potter offered to give testimony. But what did Draco's oldest enemy have to say about the boy who had caused him nothing but grief for seven years?
This story has been nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best General Story.
This was ludicrously well-written as per usual. I really like how you pointed out their similarities and everything because I've never noticed these similarities myself. What I thought was most effective was the fact that Draco and Harry didn't become best friends, which is one of those fanfiction cliches that I really hate. Harry is quite the speech-maker, isn't he? Nice one, Jess!
Well, when Harry ditched the dry, boring speech he'd memorised, he did far better, lol. Then again, it wasn't hard for him to list the things he hated about Draco Malfoy, since it's a long list.
I really think that Draco and Harry could find points of commonality and become more than civil some day, but not this quickly. Harry would still feel entitled to a bit of vengeance for seven years of douchebaggery on Draco's part, but he also felt like he owed Draco to keep him out of prison.
Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I'm glad you appreciated its irony. :)
Summary: The times we've shared, the sacrifices we've made, and the love we've given each other are about to carry us through the most terrifying battle we have ever fought:
The battle to save each other, even though we know we will die together.
I really liked the description of action in this piece. The memories at the beginning were effectively done and the end was especially emotional. However, I do think that the dialogue wasn't the best. It sounded a bit too proper, especially for Tonks, who's known for being casual generally in the way she speaks. Sometimes Remus' speech sounds a bit redundant.
I'll give you an example.
"I'm not letting Tonks come anywhere near you, Death Eater." Erm, nowhere in canon does it say anything about Remus (or anyone else for that matter) addressing a Death Eater as such. It makes it sound overly melodramatic for Remus. Also, I think by this point Remus is used to referring to Tonks as Dora (as officially I think she's Nymphadora Lupin, not Tonks). But that's not a big issue and I suppose it depends on your interpretation of their relationship.
The other thing that interested me was the use of the whole "greater good" thing. I was under the impression that only Harry and Ron and Hermione paid that much attention to Dumbledore's life when he was younger, not Tonks or Remus, and they certainly wouldn't have discussed it so...openly.
Overall, nitpicks aside, I did like this oneshot, so well done.
Author's Response: Hi Soraya! Thank you so much for your truly constructive review. I actually wrote this piece quite some time back, before I had completely polished my writing skills (and of course, there is always room for improvement). However, I can see what you mean by the redundancy present in the dialogue, and slight AU feel of it. When I wrote this around a year or two ago, I was thinking that driven by rage, Remus would tend to act in a way that we would not expect from him. Now that I look back on it, my logic seems completely flawed. As soon as I get time (which is difficult due to schoolwork), I will go back and polish the dialogue. It could be much better and I will most certainly take your advice. As for him referring to her as Tonks, well, that's how he knew her before they got married so it doesn't really seem like her maiden name.. just her name. That was just my interpretation of it:). Now, regarding the "for the greater good" usage in this story: that phrase may have resonated in Dumbledore and Grindelwald's plans, but they are not the only ones entitled to the use of this phrase, and I believe that as a general statement, it makes perfect sense to use it. After all, the greater good that they are discussing is sacrifices made for the purpose of defeating Voldemort. However, I am glad you addressed it; I was worried that it would seem rather out of place - I suppose I just couldn't help myself. Thank you once again for your really helpful review; I will refer to it whenever I get the chance to make edits. ~Maddy
Summary: Despite outward appearances, Tom Riddle has always had a certain curiosity when it comes to girls, but will curiosity drive him to lose the one thing he never thought he even had?
Katrina, this is great! I was just browsing and I clicked on your profile, only to find that my username was on there, along with so many other better authors!! That means a lot, believe me. So I just had to review another one of your fics. I intended to do so anyway, but lately I've been quite busy with revision (*glares at Physics textbook*) so I haven't had the time.
So...on to the story! Firstly, I have a tiny, tiny nitpick.
"The girl who slides into books to hide from being bullied, who won’t let the tears who until she is alone."
I think you meant this:
"The girl who slides into books to hide from being bullied, who won’t let the tears show until she is alone."
But anyway, I really liked your use of second person. In Checkmate (I don't know if you're reading it, but it's my James/Lily WIP and my baby) the entire thing is written in third person except the epilogue. I wrote that in second person, and I have to say it sounded far better than in third person. And it was fics like yours which gave me the encouragement I needed to try something a little out of my comfort zone.
But I digress. Back to YOUR story. I really liked Tom's characterisation. The stages in his and Myrtle's relationship, from him simply being curious with her to begin with, to them being library buddies, to Tom being her confidante and finally, them being romantically linked a bit. The connection, the chemistry between Tom and Myrtle was so wonderfully executed. The dismissive way Tom referred to the other Slytherin girls was interesting and well done. That's actually quite an interesting observation to make -- Voldemort, weirdly, seemed to have less respect for the few female Death Eaters than he did for the males. Bellatrix, of course, is an exception. Having said that, I can't actually remember any other female Death Eaters, although I'm sure that my memory's just a bit blurred, since the last time I read DH was a while ago.
And while through the entire story, it seems like Tom, not Myrtle, wears the trousers in their relationship -- "With a single word, you could crush her" -- at the end of it, us readers get the shock of our lives, as we realise that Myrtle stole his heart. And it's so clear that Tom is resentful towards her, for all the wrong reasons, and I think it fits perfectly with canon, despite JKR saying that Voldemort couldn't have loved. Because the first Muggleborn murder was not necessarily an act of hatred -- if you ask me, it was a crime of passion. And that makes Voldemort's actions...not justifiable, but understandable.
What I liked the best about your story is the fact that it's so short and yet it conveys such an interesting insight in Tom's mind, one that seems to make him a little more humane than I initially thought. So thank you for writing this, thank you for saying that I'm an awesome author and above all, thank you for all of your lovely reviews on my oneshots.
Author's Response: Hi Soraya, Thanks for such a lovely review! I'm glad you appreciate me listing you on my page - I do think you're a great author, you definitely deserve your place there. Thanks for the nitpick... I'll fix that up now. I'm glad you liked the second person - I was a little nervous about how that would work, because while I love writing it, I don't think that many other people do. (I will get around to reading Checkmate, haven't quite got there yet.) I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Tom - I do find him a bit hard to write because I can't empathise with him. I think he would see the other Slytherin girls disparagingly because not believing in love doesn't necessarily make him unaware... plus it would prove to him how stupid love is. As their relationship develops, Tom realises how much power he has over her in this intimate relationship... and I think it's interesting you mention Bellatrix, because I see it that he pretends to be a bit like this with her (after all, she's always on about how she's the only one he confides in) and she believes him. So I think he learns here more how to control other people. I started thinking about this idea in "The Wrong Secret" (I can't remember if you've read that), because Voldemort didn't seem to make Horcruxes from random murders, they usually meant something to him (like killing the Riddles), so in this sotry, he had to kill her because she threatened everything he wanted and believd in. Thanks again for leaving such a detailed review! ~Katrina
It was going to happen eventually: Oliver Wood had to retire. But when the decision was made for him, he allowed himself to be tricked into grooming his replacement. However, coaching proved to be a completely different animal, especially when the untried and unbridled Roxanne Weasley pushed his limits every step of the way.
This story was nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Non-Canon Romance.
Well, I know that this is more than a month overdue, but happy birthday, Carole!
In fact, speaking of Carole, when I duelled her for that 5 words duelling challenge thingy, I asked her what the wildest pairing she'd read, and she said it was Oliver/Roxanne, by you. I just had to go and read it. And I'm so glad I did. I mean, I loved that Dean/Hestia story you wrote and I thought that topped my favourite rarepair stories list, but Wild Card is joint first with it, because it was just so good and just completely unheard of (in a good way, of course).
Your characterisation of Oliver was just...lovely. Honestly. In the books, he's described as maniacal, definitely, and it's amazing how you managed to chnage that so he's matured, especially after having such a difficult childhood. You filled him with regret, regret that he took out as defensiveness and (occasional) harshness. I used to think that the characterisation of Oliver is never very well done in fanfiction, but your story proved me completely and utterly wrong, and I'm very happy for that.
So often, Oliver is shipped with Alicia or Katie or Ginny or someone in their generation, but never next gen. Kudos to you for taking on such a wonderfully bizarre pairing, this time with a much bigger age difference than Hestia and Dean. It's a commonly-used scenario and yet you gave it a fresh twist, I think, by using the characters you did.
And now...onto Roxanne. Since she's practically an OC in terms of her character, I think you did so, so well in fleshing her out. I really understand where she was coming from with the whole drink thing, and it saddened me to hear that she seduced Logan by plying him with drink. At the same time, though, I think it's realistic, because George would definitely have had to cope with Fred's death, and I suppose everyone has a coping mechanism. Plus, one thing that really, really annoys me about some Post-Hogwarts fics is when they make everyone out to be happy after the war, when in reality, so many lives had been taken that it was inevitable that there would be grief and darkness and depression. So I'm glad you addressed that, not only in this story, but in others, like VoJP. (On that subject, I've heard that it's had/going through a revamp. I might have to give it another read when my exams are over :D)
The storyline was great. I really liked the beginning bit, when Oliver was getting sort-of fired and then hired as a coach. I think he was a great coach at Hogwarts, so it's completely plausible that he would become the coach of his own team.
Now, as someone who really, really hates any kind of sport, I've never fully understood the rivalry in football, cricket, snooker, tennis, or -- more importantly -- Quidditch. But after reading this, I think I understood why playing a sport is so very important to certain people, and I reckon this story has taught me to stop complaining when my brothers are so obsessed when the footie's on telly ;)
I absolutely adored the chemistry between Oliver and Roxanne. You could see it from the very beginning, when Roxy first started training with Oliver. I don't know how I can describe it without sounding cliched, but it really seemed like there was some kind of spark between them from that moment. And it was really nice how Oliver slowly started to realise that he was more than a little attracted to her, first by taking her to dinner, then walking her home, then his jealousy when he found out that she'd slept with Logan...yeah, I think you nailed it.
This should be the point, really, Jess, when I say something to improve on, but for once, I honestly can't think of any faults. There were no grammar mistakes (I can't remember ever having to point out an error for you) and I can't think of any way for you to improve your characterisation, because it really was perfect here. So I shall bid you adieu now, after saying thank you very much for writing this wonderful, amazing, fabulous, beautiful and just-smutty-enough story, as I was definitely in the need of some good Jess-written fanfiction after revising for my exams.
Lol, where am I supposed to start?
Well, first off, how about kudos for a lovely and organised review. It's always nice to get some feedback on fics that I love, so yay for that. :)
One thing I knew when I decided over an AIM convo with Gina (we were both brainstorming ideas for Carole's bday) was that a cross-generational fic would have to be done right. I just couldn't cork plotholes with smut as most other rarepairs tend to do and call it good, since the theme is, as we've discussed this month, rather controversial.
What I wanted to get from Oliver was the underlying need to be around the game but a maturity that comes with age and 'been there, done that'. I don't know if you caught it or not, but I very subtly referenced parts of Carole's Drowning, Not Waving in this story, with both the details about Oliver's dad and his long ago love. Since that's one of those things that everyone seems to have read, I was hoping someone would catch onto it (Carole did, lol). Doing that gave him a deeper dimension and maybe a bit of explanation for his slightly maniacal behavior when it came to Quidditch.
Furthermore, what I truly needed to get across was that Oliver was more ready to move on from the sport than he realised. He just needed Roxanne to show him that at the midpoint of his life, some things just didn't matter so much as just being happy -- something Oliver had never truly allowed himself to do.
Roxanne, well... she's a pistol. She's sharp, defiant, competitive almost to a fault, and driven to be the best. More or less, she's like her mum with an understated layer of George's cheekiness. Also, she's probably the one person on the planet who could truly commiserate with Oliver with his own dad's problems, because her dad was a bit of the same. And maybe they needed each other just a bit.
I have always been and always be a complete sports nut. I love almost all sports, or at least just following them a bit. I can sit in front of the tv and watch ESPN almost any day, so I'm pretty versed in sports culture. When I do write about Quidditch (which I will fully confess that I don't particularly care to write, lol), I try to incorporate as many things as I can to make it both a genuine sports experience as well as entertaining enough to hold someone's attention who may be just skim reading the action bits. I'm glad that the gameplay was done so you as a non-sports fan could both follow and not get bored. It's a challenge sometimes.
Anyway, my response is getting rambly and all that, so I'm going to cut myself off. Wonderful review, and I'm glad you enjoyed my story and my characters. *hugs*
Barty Crouch Jr. and Regulus Black; two boys with different expectations thrust upon them.
This is the story of how their paths cross, merge and then divide, leading towards two different endings; one tragic, one heroic.
"The Death Eaters, I want to join." I stared at him. His blue eyes were steady, his mouth set. He looked resolute. He had thought this over.
And then I got it. I finally got Sirius.
Nominated for Best Dark/Angsty Story in the 2011 Quicksilver Quills and for Best Marauder Era in 2012. Thank you so much!
It's me again! Eeep, sorry I kind of died on you (review-wise, anyway). It's mainly because of Ramadan -- I've been kind of busy. Sorry sorry. Anyway, I'm back now :D
Hmmm, interesting chapter. I think this was a bit too much telling, tbh -- I mean, we did see scenes between Barty and Miranda, and obviously, you don't want it to be repetitive, but I found it less convincing at the end when Miranda told Barty that it wasn't working anymore. Maybe if they had had a proper fight or something, I would have been more convinced, but I think we were being told too much and not shown enough.
Having said that, there were some lovely character moments in this. Miranda, I think, is right in that it's not the right kind of life for him -- sleeping rough never is, tbh.
Oops, I have to dash -- family to visit and stuff. Sorry to cut this review short, but just to let you know that I am definitely still reading this, lol. see you on teh next chapter!
Ooooooh, sneaky Regulus, lying to Sirius like that about being a DE. Poor James and his family, too.
Okay, backing up a bit. The beginning of this chapter felt, to me, a bit clunky at times. I mean, I wasn't alive in the 70s, lol, but "are you for real" sounded a bit... modern. I think the flow was slightly shaky/laboured to begin with, but after that scene in History of Magic, I think it got better. I liked Reg's interaction with Avery and Mulciber; it was well-written and realistic. I also thought the part with Sirius was wonderful. It's nice to see the, er, serious side to him (no pun intended, lolol).
I also liked that you haven't rushed things so far. The pace of the story is going well -- it's good that only now, after six chapters, Regulus and Barty's lives are really beginning to intertwine.
So again, characterisation- and plot-wise, this is fab. I think the only issues I really have are to do with technical things like phrasing and punctuation. For example, I don't always think you use the semicolon correctly. Like here --
â€śNo,â€ť he said simply, then added; â€śFatherâ€™s got his hands full with work now, so thereâ€™s no point going home.â€ť
It should really be
â€śNo,â€ť he said simply, and then he added: â€śFatherâ€™s got his hands full with work now, so thereâ€™s no point going home.â€ť
Honestly, that's the only thing I can call you out on right now. Otherwise, though, this is great :) I'll see you on the next chapter!
Hahahahaha, I'm finally here! Eeep sorry it's taken me so long. Exams and everything.
This is fabbbbb. Barty is one of those characters who we have quite a bit of background on but who not many people have written about in fanfic. I think you did a great job in establishing his voice, and I was rather sad about how much his dad pressurised him with internships and stuff.
There were a few places where I think you needed commas (and it's meant to be Christmas *holiday* rather than break), but they're minor, technical things, really, and I still enjoyed reading this chapter :) I'm interested to see where this goes, so I'm off to the next chapter!
Yay Soraya! So glad you've started reading this!
It's weird because, as you might know, I started writing this aaaaages ago. So I'm a bit unsure about the first few chapters -- I'm not sure how I feel about them, because it's been so long since I wrote them. The original idea for the story and the plot has stayed the same throughout though, despite the fact that I've expanded on it very much, so I do think they still work, but my favourite chapters come later in the story (obviously). I do think this story is sort of a record of me developing as a writer but I'm very glad you like these first two chapters - even though I don't think they're my best, I am proud of them.
Barty has a weird relationship with his parents. I do honestly think the main problem is that he never objects. I think if he dared speak up and tell them that this isn't what he wants then they'd fight but afterwards things would be much easier. But he wants to please his parents too badly, which is his main flaw. I think most parents, including Barty's, want their children to be happy and that's it. Barty's father mistakes what he wanted as a young man for what Barty wants now and I think that's a common mistake parents do. There will be more on Barty Senior's background later in the story, though.
This became a rather long response, I think. I guess I'm a bit to eager to discuss this with someone who doesn't know the whole thing yet... :) Thank you so much for reading.
ooooooh. Lovisa, I love your writing style. I would pick my favourite phrase, but that's impossible, lol. The whole bit about comparing things to cancer, and the stage, and everything. It's so beautifully phrased :)
But also, your characterisation of Sirius and the other Blacks is really good. I've had a lot of trouble with Sirius lately (and he's my character for SPEW 007 -- I don't know why I chose him, lol), and you portrayed him in this effortlessly.But, more importantly, of course, given whose POV this is from, Regulus's characterisation is excellent. I love how he's so-- dangerous and kind of scary.
This is a great setup so far for the story, Lovisa! Without making it an infodump, you've given both characters great backstories :)
I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!
Oh no, I had written a response I was really pleased with and then somehow I managed to hit the back button :/ But anyway, yay, Soraya, more reviews! Thank you!
Thank you for the compliments. Phrasing is important to me and it is often the reason that it sometimes takes me ages to update this thing... I'm glad you liked it, because I do put a lot of effort into it and I think it's one of my strengths as a writer.
And thank you for commenting on the characterisation. Before I even started writing this I spent a lot of time and energy figuring out *who* Barty and Regulus were and I'm glad the effort paid off. This is a character-driven story and the decisions they make really is what the story is about. Apart from that, there's honestly not much of a plot (that would be one of my weaknessess and a writer....). This is a story about two boys growing up and struggling to come to terms with who they are and where they come from. Kind of simple, I know :PI guess Regulus is scary and dangerous, but I think it's because he's very confused. As the youngest in my family, I sometimes found it very hard to balance the influence of my two great role models- my parents and my sisters. Sirius did leave Regulus and I can see how that must have felt like a betrayal to him... He's only fifteen and his brother leaving the family puts him in a difficult situation. How can he continue to love his brother if he still loves his parents, who have denounced him? I hope this makes any sense. While writing FM, Regulus has really become one of my favourtie characters in the potterverse. Thank you, again, for reading and reviewing!
This was a nice filler chapter :) I would have liked to see what happened to Barty when he came home -- exactly what his father said to him, etc. But I did like the fact that Barty appreciated Regulus's beauty. That was a fab point, and I suppose it makes sense since Sirius was hot, too, lol.
I do think that, again, certain things were *told* rather than shown. I would have liked to see more Barty/Regulus conversation to develop their relationship rather than just having it in narrative.
Eeep, I sound really nitpicky here D: This was a nice chapter, probably not one of your strongest, but still a good chapter nevertheless. I enjoyed it, at any rate :)
I love Miranda. She's an excellently well-rounded character, and I love how rebellious she is but also her fragility. I mean, she tries to put on a front, with the dyed hair, etc., and yet it's easy to see through that and understand how vulnerable she really is. fab fab fab.
What I like the most is Barty's and Miranda's chemistry -- they are an interesting couple, and I'd like to see where things go from there. And eeeeep. I'm sure there will be problems with Miranda leaving/Barty joining her, etc.
Oh, and I read your response to my first review -- I so get what you mean about being unsure about the first chapters of something when you've spent a long time writing it. But really, the only thing which I could criticise you on is something technical: you could do with some commas. Like here:
That night we fell asleep on the couch in the common room.
There should be a comma after "night". But that is very minor, and it definitely hasn't prevented me from enjoying the story or anything. I just wanted to point out that that is really the only thing I can think of that could be improved at this stage. I'd love to see where things go from here :)
MIranda originally started out as a plot device, intended to propel Barty in a certain way, though I am now very fond of her. I think there's both strength and fragility to her character, hopefully you'll see what I mean about the strength in the next chapter.
In manhy ways, I think Miranda is more mature then Barty. She is more experienced and she knows how the *real world* works. He is very much a dreamer, while she's a realist, which is, I think what draws her to him. Because the one thing she is very immature about is herself. She has no clue about how to "tackle" herself and her demons and she thinks far worse of herself then what is actually true. I think Hogwarts must have been a rather close-minded place and it must have been nice to have someone who didn't put her down. On the other hand, and I think this goes for many first loves, I don't think Barty is in love with her only because of who she is, but what she represents to him, and that is freedom. I think it's common at that age to fall in love more with an idea than a real person.
Aaah, comme placement. Honestly, I've never really learned "the rules", mainly because I think there are different views on how to teach in Sweden and I think the teachers I had didn't think it was important. I do recall one of them saying; "Put them where you feel a need for a natural break!" which isn't very helpful. I actually learned more about comma placement from studying German than I did from studying Swedish and even less English. That may be because Swedish German teachers are generally old ladies with firm grammatical beliefs. Which I like in a teacher. God, I'm rambling, sorry. But thank you so much for these reviews - they are so lovely and they make me re-experience writing these early chapters. Thank you.
I love your Sirius. He's jokey and cocky and could pretty much be canon. And I can see how fond Regulus was of him and everything -- it makes me sad that he doesn't talk to him anymore :( It's also nice to see some lightheartedness, despite the clearly dark tone of the story as a whole. It's difficult to have the funny bits among the dark bits because a joke might seem out of place, but you pulled it off flawlessly, so well done :)
And ZOMG I love your Bella. (I've had so, so much trouble with her lately -- *sigh*) Anyway, I think the dynamics between the Black family are excellently portrayed, especially between Bella and Regulus, but also, now, Lucius. I so loled at the comment about his hair, hahahahaha. And I loved the bit about "to be honest" -- I never thought about it like that.
I'm off to eat some noodles (woooot) but I shall return, and soon, so expect more spamming from me later. :)
Thank you, again, for all these wonderful reviews! I'm glad you like my Sirius- in this story I try to write him from the eyes of a little brother i.e. with admiration but also (later) resentment and bottled up, unexpressed emotion. I think that if I wrote from Sirius's perspective he would be different- probably darker.
Haha, writing Bella comes easy for me. I don't know what that says about me as a person. But it's weird actually, because I do struggle to *get* sometimes. In canon, she's portrayed like such a monster that I find it hard to write/read her as anything else... I honestly think she is one of the few characters JKR failed to flesh out and give both good and bad traits.
Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying the story, it makes it worth writing. And the so-called spamming makes my day, really, so if you want to leave more than I'd of course be very happy. But if you won't then I'm grateful for these four (!) you've already written. Thank you.
Summary: "Remember Cedric. Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Cedric Diggory." ***
The night Cedric died, four people reacted in very different ways. Here are their stories.
This is Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff writing for the 2011 Aprils Fools' Day Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt # 3 - Trio Era.
IT WON ITS SECTION _ YAY!!!!!!
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I doubt I could write anything as moving as Cedric's death.
A HUGE thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) and Gina (gmariam) who have beta'd this into submission. This really would not have made it without their help.
** indicates a line taken from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Nominated for two QSQ's in Dark/Angsty and Best General Story in 2011. Thank you very much.
Carole, this just blew me away the first time I read it, and when I decided to reread it because it was so good, I was again almost heartbroken. Wow. Just wow. Your stories have always been excellent but I think The Golden Boy really brought out your amazingness. The fact that it only has four reviews does annoy me, though, because it's a truly wonderful and amazing and fabulous and moving and touching (and every other synonym you can think of) story and it deserves way more reviews than it has at the moment. I mean, two of the reviews are SPEW ones, which sort of compensates, but still!
You really deserved first place in the challenge. This was just wow in so many different ways and it's stories like these that I love the most because it was just so poignant and unique and lovely. I'm sorry I can't be more coherent than that but I really really loved it and I'd love to know what Oliver's reaction to Cedric's death was. Is that what Riptide is about?
~Soraya, who really should be revising~
Author's Response: Hi Soraya, thank you very much for the review. I'm rather fond of this story because I thought it was different from my usual style and it made me sad, too. Riptide, when I get the courage to write it, will be about Cedric and Oliver, but will be from Cedric's POV (mainly). It will pick up from where Drowning, not Waving, left off, so that's GOF onwards. ~Carole~