Hi there! I’m Soraya. I’m seventeen years old and am a proud Muslim British Bangladeshi. I live in East London and have loved reading and writing from a young age. I’m rather obsessed with Harry Potter (aren’t we all?), tea (not a surprise considering I’m a Brit) and good grammar. Recently, I've also got into the Supernatural fandom. After watching the first episode, I had already fallen head over heels in love with Sam Winchester, so it's no surprise that I am now a huge SPN fangirl as well as a Potterhead.
My writing has changed quite a bit over the years, and I think you'll probably notice that, the further down my author page you go, the more the quality seems to drop :P I started posting stories on here at the age of fourteen, and at nearly eighteen, I can see how much my writing has improved since those Dark Ages. So, for that reason, I would advise you stick to the more recent stuff, if you choose to read anything of mine.
Just so you know, these are posted firstly according to what kind of pairing, if any, is in the story, and then in chronological order in accordance to my own canon, not necessarily the order in which they were posted.
My first chaptered fic. It’s terribly written, but I still have a place in my heart for it because of how much fun it was to write. This story has now been deleted on MNFF, but if you really, really want to read it, you can still find it on FF.net and HPFF. (I advise you don't, though :P)
Second Childishness and Mere Oblivion (James/Lily)
Written for Round One (Major Characters) of Madam Pomfrey’s Character Clinic Triathlon, this one-shot is about James and Lily’s relationship getting rockier and rockier after they left Hogwarts, especially when Lily is faced with the trials of being a wife and motherhood. A little smutty.
My Love is Always Here (James/Lily)
This was a belated birthday present for the wonderful Gina/Gmariam, aka the queen of James/Lily. This is mostly about Lily dealing with becoming a mother for the first time and the problems (as well as the joys) that come with that.
There's an Answer (Remus/Tonks)
Written for Sophie/The owl for SPEW Summer Swap IV. Tonks is sent on an interesting baby Auror assignment to do with werewolves. Remus and a dangerous Muggle are thrown into the mix, with interesting results.
Left Behind (Remus/Tonks)
An expanded version of one of my LoveNotes, written for SPEW. It's a missing moment set between OOTP and HBP, where in my head canon Remus and Tonks have been together, in secret, for a few weeks already and Remus is then told to go on his werewolf mission. Slightly smutty.
One and Only (Remus/Tonks)
Written for the lovely Alex/Ithinkrabis2people in the Ravenclaw Christmas Drabble Exchange. This is a missing moment set just after Tonks’s outburst to Remus in the hospital wing at the end of HBP.
Out of My Life (Harry/Ginny)
My only AU (kind of). I tweaked a small part of canon in this -- basically, Harry actually said goodbye to Ginny properly when he broke up with her. Very angsty, and this is only up for sentimental reasons, as I wrote it during The Dark Ages (aka when I was fourteen).
A Different Kind of Magic (Harry/Ginny)
Written for the You’re Having My Baby challenge at SIYE. Ginny finds out she’s pregnant, but Harry receives the news before her and therefore has to tell his wife. This was my first ever story at MNFF. It was written when I was thirteen, and it definitely shows.
A Different Kind of Magic 2: Parenthood (Harry/Ginny)
A sequel, obviously, to A Different Kind of Magic. Ginny goes into labour, and both Harry and Ginny realise what it means to be parents. Again, this was written from Back in the Days.
The Caustic Ticking of the Clock (Rowena/Helga)
Written for the Great Hall Cotillion, this story is my only Founders story so far, and it’s about Rowena and Helga’s secret relationship. I am proud of this one, which doesn’t usually happen :)
Catching Fire (James/Sirius)
This was written for SPEW 007. My prompt was “Embers”, and it’s set just after Remus’s second transformation with the Marauders. James is badly injured, and he and Sirius realise, inadvertently, that they might just have feelings for each other. I like the pairing but still think the story needs work. One day I will go back and edit.
Flicker and Fail (Katie/Leanne)
This was written forSecret SPEW, and my recipient was the absolutely fabulous Alex/welshdevondragon. It’s my take on Leanne and Katie’s relationship from way before they were even at Hogwarts as well as what eventually happens to Katie in HBP, when she was cursed.
Skinny Love (Louis/Lily)
Written for the 2013 Great Hall Cotillion. Set during Teddy and Victoire's wedding, Louis helps Lily come to terms with her bulimia. This one was pretty difficult to write.
Blood and Roses (Scorpius/Rose, Scorpius/Dominique, Dominique/OC)
Written for the Great Hall Mysterious Maychallenge, this was my first Next Generation fic about Scorpius, mostly, and the trials he faces after his daughter is murdered.
Broken Glass (Louis/Lily)
This is the story of when Loulily really began. After the deaths of his immediate family, Louis is finding it hard to cope, even six months later. Lily somehow helps. It’s a little smutty. I’m proud of this one, too :)
The Highway of Regret (Scorpius/Lily, Scorpius/Rose, Louis/Lily)
Also written for the Great Hall Cotillion. It’s my one and only Scily. This is all about secret relationships and mistakes people make. Lily’s angry at Louis, and Scorpius has just broken up with Rose; when Lily gets drunk in the pub, things... happen. :P
I Will Lay Down My Heart (Albus/Rose, Scorpius/Rose)
Written for Round Two (Minor Characters) of Madam Pomfrey’s Character Clinic Triathlon. Albus has been in love with Rose for years, but what happened with them when they were younger has put a dent in their relationship. It doesn’t help that Rose is actually in love with Scorpius, either. This is smutty too.
One More Night (Albus/Rose, Rose/Scorpius)
Companion piece to I Will Lay Down My Heart. This goes into more detail about Rose and Albus's changing relationship as well as the aftermath of the events in said companion story. Probably the smuttiest thing on my page. :D Written for the Great Hall Cotillion 2013.
This was written for the Great Hall-iday challenge for the Operation: Mistletoe prompt, and this was where my love for Loulily began.
This is about how five men in Potterverse dealt with remorse in different ways.
This poem is about how Remus feels about Sirius (not slashy, btw).
Written for the Magic in Music challenge over inPoetry, Anyone? This was set to the track “Obliviate” in DH1 and is about Hermione modifying her parents’ memories.
Written for the Goodbyechallenge in Poetry, Anyone? This was about saying goodbye, and how difficult it could be.
After All This Time
Written for the Deathly Hallows challenge inPoetry, Anyone?. I ship unrequited Snape/Lily, and this is probably the only time Snape will be on my author page, lol.
Written for the MC Kreacher challenge inPoetry, Anyone? This was written from the POV of Bill Weasley after his wife’s death.
Written for the Great Bannermakers’ Hallchallenge. The banner I picked had Merope Gaunt on it, and it’s probably my darkest story; it’s definitely the only one to have a dubious consent warning. It’s about, as you might guess, the abuse Merope suffered from her father and brother.
In Care (Marlene/OC)
Marlene McKinnon, as a care kid, eventually falls in love with another care kid, Jamal Olawumi. But he's a Muggle, and keeping her world secret proves difficult. This is definitely a story I would like to revisit and tidy up.
Just Across the Bar (Sirius/Rosmerta)
Sirius is just about of age, but obviously Rosmerta has misgivings about having feelings for Sirius, who is still a student. Written for the 2013 Great Hall Cotillion and also smutty.
Written for SPEW 007. My prompt was “Juggling”, and it’s just a silly piece of dialogue-only banter between Remus and Sirius. Sirius realises Remus likes Tonks, and he tries to persuade Remus to act on his feelings.
Hanging by a Thread (Katie/Oliver)
Written for the lovely Jess/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor for Secret SPEW VII. Katie is grieving and drowning her sorrows in alcohol and Oliver is trying his best to save Muggles, while trying also to bury feelings for Katie that he thought he had long since forgotten about. There is also, surprise surprise, some smut in this.
And that’s it! Along with being a moderator, I’m also a member of SPEWand SBBC. I hope to see you around on the forums; feel free to contact me via PM or review if you have any questions or comments about my stories!
Arthur Weasley has an obsession. He can’t keep it off his mind. It tinges every thought in his head and consumes his dreams. He can’t concentrate on anything else. His friends, the ones who haven’t given him up as a bad job, tell him he’s crazy and he knows they’re probably right. But that’s not even the worst part. Do you know what the worst part is?
She’s completely oblivious.
…And you thought it was Muggle Studies he was obsessed with.
Chapter 6: Quidditch and Kids is up!
I liked Arthur's musing here. It was an interesting insight into his mind, something we never get to see in the books. I'm glad you updated after a long while, and I really enjoyed this chapter.
But (and there's usually a but) I did have an issue with the word "alright". Usually the mods refuse any fic point-blank with the word, so I have no idea how you managed to get that, but anyway, technically -- and, I think, grammatically -- it should really be "all right". Sorry, it's just that you did this about three times so I couldn't help but notice. :D
Oh, the other thing is the use of the word "ok". I think (but am not entirely sure) that it should either be "OK" -- capitalised -- or "okay". Apologies if I haven't noticed this earlier on in the story.
The chapter was a bit on the short side but it was a quality one, I'll give you that. I hope you alleviate the gloominess in the next (hopefully longer) chapter, because I'm really looking forward to it!
Author's Response: Haha, it was actually the second longest chapter yet. It just felt short because there was so little dialogue. =)
I'll take care of the 'alright's and 'ok's soon. Thanks for pointing those out. I'm glad you liked the chapter, Soraya. Don't worry, the next chapter will have... quite a few developments. *grins*
I really like this story!! I just haven't had time to read it before but now I'll definitely find some time because it's really good! I love the little insertion of all the old characters, like Andromeda and Hagrid and Dorcas Meadowes and Dirk Cresswell. And the characterisation of seventeen-year-old Arthur Weasley is so good. Molly too - she's got just enough Ginny in her yet retaining the vestiges of her own character - and it takes real skill to be able to do that, so well done. The only thing that I would change is when Molly says “Some kind of Scarlet Woman?” You don't really need to capitalise "scarlet woman" because JKR never did in canon, so you know... Sorry, I'm just a bit nitpicky with this kind of stuff, I just think it looks a bit strange, that's all.
Apart from that, I can't wait for the next chapter!!
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading! I'll be sure to fix the Scarlet Woman thing. =P I'm glad you are liking it. =D Thank you for the review!
The hallmark of Dumbledore's Army was their refusal to give in to the darkness that was slowly but surely emcompassing their world. As long as there was a hope, the DA would live on. This is a warning, an invitation, a promise, to one and all that they will not back down until the battle is won.
This poem placed third in the Last Line Standing Challenge in Poetry Anyone. The last words of each line are from a non-HP poem (Robert Frost, but the name of the poem escapes me), but we were to build a new poem around it.
That was a really thought-provoking poem. I like the slightly old-fashionedness (using apostrophes and stuff). It really lives up to its title. Well done!
Thank you much. :)
I am not a poetess by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought that the DA deserved a few words to landmark their bravery. I'm glad I did them some justice.
Take care and happy reading,
He cannot bring himself to think the name. There is a glimpse of red. A laugh. A fumbled apology. A friendship.
How a death may change a life or two.
Winner of Best Non-Canon Romance in the Quick Silver Quill Awards 2010
Julia, I am ashamed to say that I have never read this before. I've always been put off with the EWE warning. But I finally decided to read it, and woooooow, was I pleased I did!
This is one of your best pieces, this and Waiting. It was AMAZING! It actually brought tears to my eyes. There's just something so hauntingly beautiful and honest about your writing style, and as you can tell, I loved it. I don't quite know how to describe it, but it's artistic and poetic, and I know you are both, judging by the beauty of your banners and poetry.
You've convinced me of Harmony. I never, ever thought I'd say that, being an ardent Harry/Ginny shipper, but even the most passionate Harry/Ginny shipper would not be able to deny the sheer beauty of this. This was absolutely amazingly fantabulous in every way and curse me for not reading more of your work! I shall have to rectify that soon.
Author's Response: Hi Soraya! Thanks so much for your lovely review. I always find it such a compliment if something I wrote evoked such an emotional response. So I really, truly appreciate this :) And to convince a canon shipper of Harmony... well, that's the best news of all! Harmony is a controversial ship but I'm so glad you found my portrayal of their relationship realistic. Again, thank you so much for this review. It brought a smile to my face :) - Julia x
This was very good. Just a couple of nitpicks--"Weasley's" doesn't need the apostrophe to pluralise it, so it should be "Weasleys". I liked your characterisation of Luna's mum and dad. I think only Luna's dad could've passed off leaving his daughter behind to be with his wife.
That said, I do have a bit of an issue with how you ended it, because I think you left it a bit too open if you know what I mean. You left the ends too loose. And usually it's not much of a problem and adds suspense as a cliffhanger or whatever, but...hmm. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it, but I just think you could have ended it a bit better. As well as that, you didn't exactly explain why Luna has been out of contact with Harry and co since Ron and Hermione's wedding, because they seemed pretty good friends and it would be quite strange for them not to at least stay in touch, you know? Anyway, that's all from me. I just think I owed you a couple of reviews after all your lovely ones, but it was only now that I had the time, so apologies that it was so overdue. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks for another review of one of my fics! Just by the way... your reviews are really nice and quite detailed and I find them really helpful. Thanks for the apostrophe nitpick... I'll fix that straight away. And I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Luna's parents. When I started this fic it was going to mostly be about Luna's mum, because I thought that wasn't talked about much in the books, but it sort of ended up going somewhere else. As to the ending - I can see why you think it's a bit open ended - endings are something I often struggle with a little, and I really wanted it to focus on her re-gaining her friendship with the trio and co. I might have a look at it, but I don't know that I'll change it much... to be honest I wrote this a while ago and I think I'll focus more on newer stuff. As to why Luna didn't keep up with the trio - I know I didn't explain it enough in the fic, I did try to put it in a bit but it didn't work so well. Basically it was that Luna's way of dealing with her grief from the Battle was initially to suppress it and then later just to run away from it, so she became absorbed in her travels with her dad for The Quibbler and left everything else behind. Anyway, thanks for the review, it was really helpful and I'll have a look at some of those things you mentioned.
When I asked Jess for story recommendations the other day, she described this story as â€śflailficâ€ť, and after reading it, I must say I certainly agree with her :) There are so many things about this story that make you shine as an author. I love your lyrical writing style as well as the effortless way in which you have managed to make this pairing, the rarest of rarepairs, work so naturally.
First person worked beautifully here in establishing Rabastanâ€™s voice. I felt so close to him as a character, and that really intensified the emotions he felt from the outset. This, I think, is even more important because so much of this story is driven by the characters themselves and what they say, rather than the plot, and it was due to the style of the story that I was gripped, right from the beginning: Truth, when it comes to human emotions, is such an odd thing. Can you put a finger on it? No, you cannot. I loved how you managed to convey so much of Rabastanâ€™s character through how he seemed to play with his own thoughts. Usually, I think the exploration of quite abstract concepts normally only work in poetry, but here, it is such a joy to read because it really is like Iâ€™m in his head and I can see him question himself, making me really understand Rabastan. Given heâ€™s a minor character in canon with little to no lines in the books, I think you built on what you knew about him -- being a Lestrange, his brother being married to Bellatrix, his allegiance to Voldemort -- excellently and also added in some intriguing character traits that made his characterisation unique.
Rabastanâ€™s view of Regulus is intriguing to read, not just of his attraction to Regulus but also his eventual regret for initiating him into Voldemortâ€™s circle. I feel there is a lot more humanity in Rabastan through that, and itâ€™s so interesting seeing Regulus through Rabastanâ€™s eyes, because Regulus seems like the only person who can see through him. I love Regulusâ€™s brutal honesty, too; his willingness to tell Rabastan the truth is admirable and makes him such a likeable character, especially when he says, â€śYou arenâ€™t calm or composed; youâ€™re passive and callous and cynical.â€ť. And by making both the characters so well-rounded, it adds so much to the chemistry between them and therefore made their kiss seem like the only logical thing, even if they were both on weed at the time.
That said, I do think that, at times, the space of a few months in only a couple of paragraphs meant the story was going a bit too fast, so perhaps bear in mind for the future (assuming youâ€™re going to continue this story -- I hope you do!) how a lot of their backstory seems to have been told rather than shown. For example, I feel I would have been a little more convinced if there was an actual interaction before their first kiss so Rabastanâ€™s attraction to Regulus could be shown in a clearer way, rather than simply being told that Rabastan is attracted to Regulus. But thatâ€™s quite minor, particularly as that chemistry quickly picks up, after the changing room scene. On another note, I really liked the use of italics when Rabastan and Regulus were meeting up. I know itâ€™s something you use quite often in your fics, but it works really well here, especially because of the introspective nature of the story.
Also, I really liked how Regulus bought Rabastan a ring -- thatâ€™s a really romantic gesture, but also, I loved the use of Protego and the line Last time I checked, Slytherins could love, because I think that is a really valid point considering the usual stereotypes regarding Slytherin being the supposedly â€śbadâ€ť house and so on. The use of Protego also linked it nicely to canon, as did, of course, the mentions of Death Eaters and the entrance of James, too. I can see how Regulus and Rabastanâ€™s exchange in chapter one might have been misconstrued by James, and I think that whole exchange was really tersely written; even though he only appeared for a moment, Jamesâ€™ characterisation was spot on, especially through Rabastanâ€™s eyes.
Overall, I think this was an amazing start to the story. Iâ€™m not sure if it will be updated, Natalie, but I hope it will, because I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and am eager to read more. :)
Author's Response: Soraya!!!!
Oh, how I loved beta'ing this fic! I can't wait for James and Lily to get together!
Author's Response: Well I greatly appreciated your editing! Seriously, you made the story a lot better. And I can't wait either, but I feel that it would be a bit of a letdown if I didn't include a legitimate plot xD
That was such a great angsty fic. I usually hate them, I'll be honest - but this one is so well written, with the characters that I love the most (Tonks and Remus and Teddy) - that it was brilliant all the same. The characterisation of Tonks as a loving mother and Andromeda was absolutely fabulous and I loved the 2nd person POV. It was spectacular in every way and I'm going to look at your other stories right now. :)
Author's Response: WOW. Thank you so so so much for all of your absolutely lovely words! You've really made me happy :)
Thanks for taking the time to read and review, and I hope you enjoy my other stories :)
Aw. You're right. That was short and sweet, just how I like it. I never knew that Lils was such a rude nickname! I've read a lot of stories, not all HPFF, with characters called Lily and nicknamed Lils.
I really liked Veils, so this was a good prequel to it. Well done, and keep it up!
Author's Response: It's an old slang term for boobs, especially for the Marauder era. I added it here, because I've read so many stories where James calls her Lils and I couldn't work out why she didn't hex him - ha ha.Thanks for reading ~Carole~
That was really funny. I think that it should be in the Humor Fics rather than General because it's such a hilarious piece. It was cleverly written and fabulously characterised.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review! You know, I thought about putting it in the Humor category but just wasn't sure since I wanted it to come across as sort of subtle. Guess it's not, lol. I'll keep thinking about it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the compliments, I really appreciate it! ~Gina :D
This is a really interesting oneshot. I've never read anything quite like this, although I blame that on my ignorance :) Anyway, it was fascinating, how you explored Myrtle and Riddle's relationship. I always did wonder why Riddle wanted to kill Myrtle--although I put it down to Riddle just wanting the school not to have Muggleborns in it. It took me a while to guess, but I did when you mentioned Olive Hornby.
Your writing style is good and it flows quite well. You did a great job of writing in second person, something that I have never been able to master. Also, your characterisation of Myrtle as being boring and sad as well as nerdy was intriguing, because it never occurred to be that Myrtle would be as studious as you depicted her, although as always with fanfiction there's room for interpretation there. Anyway, overall, great job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I think this might be the longest review I've ever received... thanks for all the great comments. Originally when I had the idea for this fic, it was just going to be about someone who loved Tom, and then I realised I could use Myrtle and it would work out really well with why he killed her and that sort of thing. Plus it gives a better reason for Myrtle sticking around as a ghost than just to annoy Olive Hornby. And I thought in a way their characters could be quite attracted to each other... With Myrtle I also had quite an opportunity to expand her to my own liking, as her character isn't explored that much in the books. Thanks for commending my use of second person... I wasn't really sure that I'd pulled that off, but I really wanted to use it because it gives the feeling that from the start Myrtle is defending her choices by trying to put the reader in her situation. Anyway... this response has gone on quite a bit... but thanks so much for reviewing :)!
That was really, really deep! I love anything about souls, and I liked the repetition. When JKR wrote that killing rips the soul apart, I thought it was really true. Because, really, at the end of the day, if you die, what's left is your soul, and if that's torn apart.. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. Just want to say, though, that your poem really touched my heart :D
Author's Response: I love the rambling because I completely agree with you! Your soul is your tie to the world and if it remains untainted, then I guess that means you're a positive force. I'm really glad that my poem meant something to you! Getting reviews like yours keeps me writting. Thank you so much, ~Thestral
All Teddy Lupin had ever wanted was to be the kind of man his godfather was. He even followed in Harry's footsteps and became an Auror.
Harry wanted nothing more than to be the father that Teddy would never have, but work and obligations always seemed to get in the way. Before he knew it, Teddy was all grown up. How had he missed all those precious moments? He knew he had to make up for it somehow.
After all, they had all the time in the world, right?
This fic WON a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Post-Hogwarts Story
Oh. My. God. How on earth could you do such a thing?????
I guess it's fitting, in a way. His parents died and he died tragically, in order to save someone else. Still, I didn't expect that. It's so sad. What doesn't make sense is why no one ever mentions Teddy. Surely even if he was dead, in one of your stories he would be mentioned? (That is, I haven't read all your stories so I can't be sure.)
I have to admit, your ideas are most definitely one of a kind. I'm in the middle of The Vindication of James Potter at the moment and the whole concept is so unique, I wish I could've thought of it and wrote it myself. It's the same with Teddy's story, really. I wouldn't have ever dreamed of killing Teddy off like that yet it works, unbelievably.
So...all in all, great job. Keep it up and I hope you update Written In The Stars soon!
I appreciate the review. I know it's hard to read a story that is this heartbreaking, but I assure you it was much harder to write it than to read it. I've always had this idea in my head, and each time I was looking to put Teddy in my fics, I stopped and thought about this tragic future that I had planned.
I'm working on Written in the Stars, but it was always meant to be a backburner project. Then again, I did leave Albus plummeting to the earth off a broom, so I should really rescue the poor boy before he dies, lol.
Thanks for your visit, and I hope to see you around again,
So I’ve been meaning to read this for a while, ever since What Lies Behind was nominated for a QSQ and ever since I read (and beta’d) Say. I’m not normally into stories featuring Slytherins, particularly minor Slytherins who have virtually no characterisation in canon, because what it normally creates is an almost-OC, and most OCs are just Mary-Sues/Gary-Stus. Your Theodore Nott was NOT like that (sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun :P) and I really enjoyed reading the backstory you created for him. I shall go through this section by section, since this is a rather long oneshot, although it didn’t drag or anything.
The use of second person in this story was very effective. I’ve become a big fan of second person lately; it gives me a personal insight into the main character’s mind, yet it doesn’t feel too personal, which first person can sometimes do, or too detached, like third person often feels. So yes, good choice of POV — it really worked here.
I love how you began this. The battle of Hogwarts — I felt like screaming at Pansy when she said she wanted to go, and when the Slytherins “evacuated” and then some of them returned to fight on Voldemort’s side. You displayed Theo’s uncertainty of loyalty here very well, especially by the references to how things were before the battle started in Hogwarts. The use of description in this first section is very well done, as is the comparison of life, of right and wrong, and of chess. I loved the chess reference especially because wizard chess is definitely a big thing in Potterverse, so it makes sense to have linked them.
As I read on to the next section, I have to say, your transition into flashback was very, very smoothly done.
Perhaps it is true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes before you die, because as you walk down the hall, you remember things you swore you never would.
The use of this paragraph was a very good idea, because then it made the flashback fit into the story well, and not seem sudden or anything. I love how the entire premise of the story is this thing of life flashing before your eyes when you know you might die — it’s so simple yet very original too, and I applaud you for that.
The first flashback is intriguing. Firstly, it made me understand partly why you wrote this in second person — a two-year-old’s first person POV must be really difficult to write, pretty much impossible since a two-year-old doesn’t have very developed thinking. Yet the way you painted his father here, Theo’s, already made me feel sorry for him. His father is horrible — all two-year-olds cry! Your portrayal of him as a not-quite-so-faithful Death Eater was really accurate, particularly because we only get a glimpse of how the Death Eaters gave up on Voldemort in the books. I think you wrote this part very well, and the mentions of the perfume and flowers make me think that the person holding Theo at the end of the section is his mum.
The next segment, when you went back to present (and again, the transition here was immaculately done) was intriguing and thought-provoking. I suppose to Death Eaters, jobs are meaningless, and you really brought that out here, especially in this line: your father wanted you to be nothing more than a Death Eater, wanted nothing more than for you to be a betrayer, torturer, murderer.
Those words really rang true for me — you emphasised the fact that at the end of the day, that’s what Death Eaters are, and the bluntness with which it is put gives the story a raw, real feel. As well as that, I wasn’t altogether surprised to see that Theo was named after his father — after all, he sounds like one of those guys who would do that.
The next flashback, at the end of Theo’s fourth year, was well-written, but I did think that there was an abrupt jump from Theo being two to being... fifteen? I thought it was rather sudden, and it might have been better to have another section in between here, because it made me wonder what went on in those thirteen years. That said, I do think that this point, Voldemort returning, was an important point of Theodore Nott Senior’s life, so I’m glad you did touch on that.
I liked the next section, about running away. It seems like a reasonable thing to do, given Theo’s circumstances, although as a reader, at this point, I didn’t know exactly what his family circumstances are. I’m guessing his mum is dead, or has ran away from his dad. I shall see as I read on.
I’ll admit it — I squee’d when I read that Theo was disappointed at Voldemort’s appearance, and that he thought Voldemort was worth mocking. This, I think, is a very realistic view of Voldemort, and the incredulity in this part was very well-conveyed, especially considering it’s in second person. I felt really sorry for Theo when he had to bow to Voldemort — it must have been difficult, considering he wanted to laugh at him just before. And then he swore his allegiance to Voldemort, and I really did feel for him there. I have always wondered how much it would hurt to have the Dark Mark burned onto your skin, and I think your use of description here showed this very well, while keeping Theo perfectly in character. I particularly liked the last sentence of this bit: And you are a slave.
I liked how you focused on the romance aspect of his life next. The fact that he obeyed pretty much every rule in the pureblood/Death Eater book was very, very good of him, particularly the pureblood girl rule — that must have been difficult. I liked how you moved on to the flashback again, starting with a game of chess — again, I’m loving the chess references here. And the girl was a Ravenclaw? Wow. This pairing, Lisa/Theo, is pretty unique. I’m a big fan of rarepairs, so I loved how you took two characters who are barely mentioned in the books and hardly characterised (definitely not, in the case of Lisa Turpin) and made them fully fleshed out characters in their own right, and then created a rarepair which I know I’ll love.
I loved how chess kind of bonded them together — that was really rather sweet, and romantic, but in a more unconventional way, which I really liked. And then when Lisa asks Theo the question I’ve been wondering... And I think I was right, considering Lisa’s comments about Thestrals. I loved how in character and Slytherin Theo remains throughout — the Mudblood comment is definitely Slythish, and by doing so, you stayed true to canon.
I do think it was a bit confusing, how you seemed to go back and forth in time, because I had to reread it. I think that’s just me, though, because I find it difficult to comprehend things since I am a bit sow sometimes.
I liked you portrayal of Draco here as well. It was in character and he stayed as selfish as he was in Potterverse, which I appreciated. And wow, I loved the elf’s dialogue too! That sounded like it was straight out of the book, so kudos to you for that.
And then the interaction between Lisa and Theo is so very believable. You’ve done a great job developing them as characters, so much so that I’m starting to think this is all canon. The same goes for Theo’s mum — she’s a perfect and solid OC, and I applaud you for making her so likeable, despite me only having a small glimpse of her in this story, in that flashback.
The whole premise of masks, too, was expertly interweaved into the story, and I thought it was a great, simple concept which you wrote incredibly well here. And then the confrontation between Theo and his dad... wow. Him wanting to protect Lisa, his hatred of his dad, all that was painted so believably, and I thought it was very emotional. And the flashback was amazing — it really explained Theo’s hatred of his dad, and why he missed his mum so much. I also loved the action scene that came after, and the little taste of romance I got as well. Very well done there.
And the last segment just blew me away! I loved how this was actually written entirely from Theo’s mum’s POV — that was ingenious, I tell you.
I did notice a few grammar errors here and there. They were nothing major, and in no way detracted how lovely this story was, but perhaps another read-through would iron those errors out? Also, there are a few Americanisms in this story, like “pants” being used instead of “trousers” (because “pants” in British English is underpants) so maybe you might want to find a Britpicker. As I say, though, they are only minor things, and overall, this story was stellar. Well done.
In her seventh year, Katie Bell knew what it was like to fear death. A year later, she learnt what it was like to see it in front of her. Nothing she had ever experienced had prepared her to deal with the aftermath of that. And then he came.
Caught in a whirlwind of Quidditch, heartbreak, and a rivalry, Katie struggled with her jumbled mess of feelings, one of which she hadn't expected but was growing certain that she could never live without.
Oh my freaking Salazar! This story WON TWO 2011 Quicksilver Quill Awards: Best Post-Hogwarts Story and Best Non-Canon Romance Story. *flail*
This (late) update was brought to you by the (belated) birthday of the ever-lovely Hannah / h_vic. She is a star and an excellent friend!
OMG OMG OMG
JESS YOU ARE AMAZING
Seriously. I love this. I somehow powered through it instead of doing my homework when ny sis stole the laptop and I LOVE IT. The olikatie dynamics are just very hot, and I think the story line is effing brilliant. Leanne is fab too -- I love the little inclusion of katie/leanne there, and think she is such a beautifully well rounded individual. And the bit where katie cut herself with the glass was so painful to read.
I'm in my phone, so sorry for typos. Please please please update soon! The ending of this chapter is such an evil clffhanger. I will be nagging you on AIM to update asap, jsyk.
Jessssssss! Okay, so you probably haven't seen on AIM, but I started reading this on the bus on the way home today, and I was so engrossed that I totally missed my stop, lol. And then I was waiting for another bus and reading the smut and giggling like mad because there were people around me and some little kid sitting next to me and all sorts, hehehehe.
Anyway. I think you've done a wonderful job here! Katie is such a lovely, well-rounded character. I love the details of her parents -- it hadn't occurred to me that she could be Muggleborn, but I guess that's my headcanon interefering :P I think you gave her a great backstory but without it ever becoming overwhelming. Also, I think it's good you had Katie have some issues herself, not only with the wider world and the problems she had as a Muggleborn, but also her body image. As you know, that's something very close to home, and I loved Oliver's insistence that she was beautiful. Oh and I loled so hard when Oliver said Katie eating the pizza was hot. You killed me there, seriously.
Okay, I do think that, at the beginning of the first chapter, there were parts that lacked emotion. I just... think the bit where Fred died was missing something -- maybe it would've been better to have some dialogue, show the actual scene instead. But I've mentioned this to you before, that you sometimes have the show/tell problem, so I won't go on about it, lol, especially as it wasn't a huge issue or anything, just something I noticed. On the whole, I liked how you jumped straight into the action, and I squeed at Oliver's rather spontaneous kiss.
Hmmm, I want to know what's happening next! I probably won't be able to review regularly, but rest assured I will be reading the rest during bus journeys :D Fab story, Jess, and I so get why this won not just one, but TWO QSQs. OliKatie ftw!
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
-E. E. Cummings
September 2012: HEY guess what I couldn't wait, and the third installment, "World Enough," is UP NOW under James/Lily. Or just under my name. Or at this link: http://fanfiction.mugglenet.com/viewstory.php?sid=92131. Yay! :D
Wow. I love how comfortable you made Lily with Sirius - it reminds me how good Lily's friendship was with Sirius back in Trickster. It's really funny how you made Lily not tell James about becoming Head Girl yet. I'm sure he's going to be in for a surprise when he finds out, lol. I really like how you've written the whole train ride and everything.
The one criticism I could make is that I don't think James would've snogged her straight off. I mean, yeah, you got the awkwardness just right, but...what does that mean? Does it mean that Lily and James are suddenly gf/bf now? It's a bit soon, a bit sudden, I think. But that's just my personal opinion.
Overall, I really liked this chapter and I'm intrigued to find out what happens next. Keep it up!
I'd like to first say that it was a pleasant surprise to find a sequel to Trickster so soon. It was a really good story so I'm really glad that you decided to continue it. I liked your first chapter, even though it was a bit on the short side, and it made me quite sad to see that Petunia hadn't changed much. I mean, I know that was going to happen anyway, but still, it wasn't nice, what she said.
I loved the characterisation of Lily, and how, even now, she's still trying to be friends with her sister. I do think that Lily might've said something back, though. Still, it's your story, not mine!
Overall, a good start, and I hope that this story is just as brilliant as Trickster!
Author's Response: Haha don't worry, Lily can't be patient with Petunia forever ;) And these chapters may be a little shorter than Trickster's...but it's just so I can get them up faster! I'm glad you're enjoying it!!
Another great chapter, keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks! The next one is in queue.
That was great! Apologies for not reviewing the last few chapters -- RL has been so hectic recently, as has writing my own chaptered James/Lily fic. I have been following the story; I just haven't had the time to review them as I've been reading it on the go before school and in between revision and stuff.
I really like how you set up the scene in the Hogwarts Express, and how Leda saved Lily's life like that. It sort of forces the reader to like her, if you know what I mean, no matter how annoying she is. It was a very clever thing to do and I applaud you for that.
Two questiosn: how long will this story be and is "Leda" Leda's real name or is it an abbreviated form of another name? Sorry, just curious. :D
Last, last thing, I'd just like to point out some typos.
"I was like, um, duh, he’s clearly hyst trying" 'hyst' should be 'just', I think.
"Well I cane to yell at you" 'cane' should be 'came'.
"If its meant to be, it’s meant to be" 'its' should be 'it's'.
“now what to we do?” 'to' should be 'do'.
However, nitpicks aside, I loved this chapter, particularly the ending. I hope Leda's OK with it, but I know that even if she isn't, James and Lily will still be together. :D