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Reviews by Karaley Dargen

Always...But Not Who You Think by hestiajones

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Severus waits alone in a park to make the ultimate choice - Voldemort or Love? But, of course, Severus can decide only when he gets there first.

I thank my LJ pals for their love, support and sense of humour.

DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K.Rowling; she would be mortified if she read this.
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 03/17/10 Title: Chapter 1: Always...

Aaah you got this validated - I'm going to cry now, tears of... I don't even know of what. Despair, at the pairing, laughter, at the hilariousness this is written in, or joy, at your fabulous writing - even if I SHUDDER and twitch at the mere thought...

I'm glad you put it up here :D

Hm, short review... but what else can I say about this... Well done, especially taking into account the eh peculiarity of your starting point.

I wonder what Sirius thinks about this...

Author's Response: Hahaha!

Well, the feedback from you guys gave me the strength to commit this horrendous act. :D Reviews of any length are appreciated :D. And poor Sirius would be totally pissed. Then again, if the real James and Severus were to read this...*shudders*


Ain't Love the Sweetest Thing by hestiajones

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: He had been meandering though the distance for ages, unsure of what she would say in the final moment.

Song lyrics taken from U2’s The Sweetest Thing. And I am not J.K.Rowling.
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 03/13/10 Title: Chapter 1: And she said Yes.

Oh Natalie, this was absolutely beautiful! I loved everything about this. The way you draw the line from the beginning to the end (Lily walking to James and not the other way round), and your description... That paragraph about her smile was just wonderful, I can't even find the words for it. Also, James' language seems so... fitting for his character.

This is absolutely brilliant. I love your Lily - when she talks about breaking rules but not telling people about it, I actually had to grin because it's so great of you not to have her as such a "good girl" character.

I would love to read a longer James/Lily at some point... your characterisation of the two, but especially your description of emotion is just.. brilliant.

Author's Response: :D:D:D:D:D

I am so, so, so glad that you liked Lily. If you MWPP experts loved it so much, I must have done something right. That part about the smile is my favourite para, too. It is special to James. I would love to write more James/Lily in future, but I get scared when I even think of writing them because they are a fiercely popular pairing, and certainly my OTP of all time. I get scared that I may not be able to do well. But after this, I'm feeling a bit more confident. :D

Thanks muchly for the review.



Sixth Time's the Charm by Equinox Chick

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: James Potter had asked her before for a date, several times, although not always for himself. Now, as Lily Evans gazes at her reflection in the mirror, she wonders why he keeps asking her and just why she's finally said yes.

I am Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff and this story has been written for the first round of the Character Clinic Triathlon over at the MNFF beta boards. Prompt: First Kiss.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. Her lawyers agree, so don't get them riled by confusing us.

Thank you very much to Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this fic for me. I need to also add that Natalie may be a Hufflepuff, but she does not have fluffy hair and in no way resembles the Hestia Jones that appears in this story. Finally, you may recognise some OC's from my fic Lions of Gryffindor. This isn't exactly 'caron' compliant with that story, but it kinda fits ... in parts ... sort of.


Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 03/21/10 Title: Chapter 1: Sixth Time's the Charm

Oooh I really loved this. It ties in with your personal Marauder canon so well... but then I do hope you're going to give us another first kiss just so that I can read more of Carole!fluff (because I just LOVE it! :D)

I was going to start this sentence with "I particularly liked..." but there are too many things I particularly liked...

First, there's the fact that you took the "James asks Lily on a date"-situation and gave it a nice twist - six times. I thought this was extraordinarily brilliant writing. We get reasons why James asks her out, and we get reasons (a lot) why Lily says no. None of them is just stubborn, you actually put a good story behind the half-clich, and that makes it so wonderful here.

Second, your characterisation. If I could have any MNFF-writer's strength, it would be the way you write those characters just so very... strongly. It all just fits, and they seem so real.

Remus here is, of course (since this is your story), an extreme wow. He doesn't play a huge part, but I love the bit where he tells her about Hector Jones (and forgets for a moment it was Lily), and the way the two of them interact. It feels very natural, the way you portrayed the two as friends.

And then Lilyyyy I'm so in love with your Lily I don't even mind her getting James. She practised the look in front of the mirror - because she's not so perfect and witty all the time that she can just come up with something like that on the spot. She's upset about James having a girlfriend, because she's not that secure. (and the fact that she worries about not having brushed her teeth properly - haha) She's a nice average girl – but average in a good way. It just all works, perfectly, as always in your stories.

And then the third thing I need to comment on: the kiss. I'm just glad I'm not writing for that prompt because there's just no way to top this – not for me, and not for anyone else. The lines leading up to the kiss and the kiss itself were so so well described, I NEED to kiss someone myself now... It just pulled me in, and warmed my heart in a fuzzy coat of sugary fluff.

All of James' lines in that scene were absolutely perfect. There was no other way to write this scene in this context. You just... made it perfect.

I do wish though that you wrote a bit about James' and Hestia's relationship in a different story. I see so much potential there... And that Hestia Jones *coughscoughs* sounds like quite the nasty/difficult girlfriend, doesn't she... haha. I would love to see James torn between affection (to her and her looks) and longing for simpler times...
Perhaps she is a lovely person though, and I'm just plain jealous! But who could blame me...

This was another wonderful story. No concrit here, at all. Probably never in any reviews I leave you...

Author's Response: Mmm, I know what you mean. I find myself wanting to write more about Hestia and james. Unfortunately she doesn't fit into Lions ... not really ... I have other plans for James. Oh well, we'll see. I'm pleased you enjoyed the story and that you liked Lily. I like the idea of her being averageish in looks - gives the rest of us hope - LOL. Thank you for reviewing ~Carole~

A Carefree Dance by TheGoldenTrio

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Missing moment from Deathy Hallows. Ron and Hermione share a shining moment of happiness while at Bill and Fleur's wedding.
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 07/17/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I really like this – of course, it's only a brief snapshot, but it works wonderfully as that. It's such a nice moment for them – Ron finally does things right romantically, even if he's still Ron and needs some time to sort of warm up. I love that you kept him so well in character. After all, the Ron we have in the books isn't a charmer at this point, even if he has learnt some tricks from that book. The title of your story fits perfectly, too, because this is the one moment of calm that they have together between the planning and the Horcrux-hunting. And yet it isn't exactly calm, but rather very lively – carefree. You've done a really great job with this story, and I hope you write more R/Hr. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a thoughtful review! Made my night :)

Lacuna Mentis by hestiajones

Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: There were blind spots in his mind. They said he might recover the lost memories; they also said there was a high possibility he might not. Along came a girl, and everything changed.

Warning: This story is originally rated Professors, for the bunch of warning tags applicable to it. The rating has been changed temporarily only because we're having some technical problem with stories that have higher ratings. So, please click at your own discretion.

This story is written for ToBeOrNot..../Jess, my close friend and one of the most gifted writers I know. O Believer of Rarepairs, this is my fluff-free, dark and angsty present for you.

Winner of this year's QSQ Best Dark/Angsty and nominated for Best General!

DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K.Rowling. I highly doubt she ships this ship.

PLEASE DO NOT READ THE REVIEWS before reading the fic.
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 07/21/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I just realised that I never left you a review, and this story more than deserves it.

For most of it, I've repeatedly told you what I think about it, but I don't think I've commented on the ending at all yet (since here was the first time that I read that, you horrible tease).

This was... shattering. The last bits multiply the tragedy of this story. Theo's past is, of course, so sad that that alone would have been enough to make me seriously bite my lips and swallow very hard. But then the very ending – Padma will never know what really happened, and if she did, it would crush her. Part of me thinks that this is the best for Padma, because she would only have wondered if she could have helped her sister, and would probably be unable to comprehend the suicide. This way, it seems unfair to her, random, maddeningly out of her control – but at least she doesn't feel guilty. I wonder what might have happened with Theo if this had ended differently. But I don't want it to end differently, because it's so perfect this way. It's... just whole. It's such a whole story.

I know how long you worked on this, and yet it's still impressive that you came up with this in a relatively small amount of time.

If I ever get close to this, I'll be happy. You're an amazing writer, and this is definitely one of your best. But the most impressive thing about this is that I don't think that this is your ultimate best yet. You have this great talent to build stories in a way that just makes so much sense, and that makes them incredibly intense and powerful...

I love you, Natatat. This is beautiful, and will always be. I haven't been able to really get it out of my head for days.

Author's Response: Hey Kara!

All I can say is, no matter how much brainwork I put into it, it wouldn't have worked without your constant encouragement! I still can't believe I managed to pull it off. :) Part of me really just wanted to love a tragic love story, and part of me wanted to add so much more.

I agree about Padma. I think she'd have gone a bit unhinged herself if she'd found out Parvati killed herself. Apart from feeling miserable over not having been there for her sister, what would all her efforts have come to? Her sacrifices? Plus, what about Theo? The theory I have about Theo is that he didn't have the strength to kill himself. (Well, I am not sure if it is strength or weakness that makes a person commit suicide, but he opted to erase his memory earlier. If Padma didn't kill him, I think he'd have ultimately gone insane for real.

Thank you for all the amazing compliments, Kara. It was quite a week, writing this.

Whispers in the Night by lucca4

Rated: 6th-7th Years • Past Featured Story

"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell."

It's a secret, and it haunts you but you won't tell.

You promised.

This is lucca4 of Gryffindor writing for The Great Bannermakers' Hall Challenge.

It won …and I am still shocked!

Thank you, thank you, to my beta Alex/welshdevondragon, who has beta-ed this in the blink of an eye. She is amazing.

Also, thank you to Julia/the opaleye for the gorgeous, eye-dropping banner that inspired the story.

Nominated for a 2012 Quicksilver Quill Award - Best Dark/Angsty Story.
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 09/15/11 Title: Chapter 1: (Whispers)

Wow. I've rarely (maybe never) read a oneshot that wowed me this much. I don't even have a lot of words for it... Uhm. I didn't notice the second person at all – it just all flowed so smoothly! And oh the topic. So painfully believable! I quite like the Narcissa you show here. It's all so... real. Can you tell I'm lost for words? This is excellent. Really, really great.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm so very happy that you liked this oneshot, and that the second person was barely noticeable (I probably got a few grey hairs worrying about that last one). Thank you for this lovely review, Kara! It means so much coming from my Head of House :). xx Ariana

Desire And a Half by hestiajones

Rated: 6th-7th Years • Past Featured Story
The room is vast and furnished only by the massive, thickly red bed, the billowing white curtains and a tall mirror. Dusk flows in through the windows and paints the white walls in pink and orange. The only sound that can be heard is the strong breeze disturbing the trees outside.

The stage is set just as I like it.

This is hestiajones' final entry for the Inaugural GH Cotillion Challenge, but you never know. She might pop up again. However, she assures you that she is not J.K.Rowling.

My heartfelt thanks to my fellow elf, the opaleye/Julia/Wise One of the Pear and Unicorn Wand, whose crit helped me turn this fic into something more worthwhile :)
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/25/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I had to open your story in two windows so that I could give you a proper "as I go along" review... because I feel like my mind is going to be blown too much to remember everything by the time I finish reading.

"I am, in all honesty, a peddler of carnal longing, not a sampler, never a victim." - I love LOVE this line, and everything it expresses about her character!

And then how she meets Fleur ... I was wondering how you'd actually get them to cross paths. It could have happened at the Triwizard final, but then you'd have had the student/grownup thing going on, and that would obviously have changed the whole dynamic. They still aren't equal -- Mrs Zabini is rich, only checking just exactly how rich she is, though she actually already knows that; Fleur is being refused a work position. And the whole Gringotts setting reinforces the idea of buying/selling, and THEN you bring in the mirror, that ultimate symbol of a person's appearance! aaaaaaaeeeee! I've merely dipped my toes into your story and am already so much in awe.

OH and then there is the Goblin, who is all about money, and doesn't put anything into Fleur's good looks... so many money/body-things!

oooh Fleur obviously isn't very polite, right... Because she would have had anything handed to her in life, and people would have overlooked a lot of character flaws. She never really was polite before she got engaged to Bill. And woah what a reversal of roles...the young, beautiful witch, and the older, rich, influential one...

The inspection of Fleur is a bit like Sesen pruning her as an apprentice of some sort. Or comparing her to herself. I don't know. But it's beautiful. No dialogue required.

And oh, the tiny foreshadowings! You genius woman.

Hmm on to the dinner now... So intriguing. And also interesting that she's staying over night... Hm, I wonder where Fleur usually stayed at that time. And also whether she was already aiming at getting Bill when she applied for the job, and that is why she "needs" this one?

"I’m possessed by an impulsive yearning to kill her, to not let another human being have her this way" --- OH I love this line. wow. This is oozing with feelings tugging them this way and that. That whole para is so so intriguing.

Ah, Sesen has daddy issues... which now reenter her bedroom life. Oooh and her daddy issues contain her whole true self. I see... Why does she have a second wand? OH I see. That would be very useful, yes...

That murder scene is just brilliant. Really really really brilliant. I'd love to read more about her because she seriously has a burning rage inside of her that comes out very... noticeably. Like a second personality.

I wonder if she remarries now...

This somehow gave me a very Dorian Gray vibe... She finds Fleur, who resembles her so much, but is a younger version of her, and a whole version, one that hasn't been mistreated by any men, not her father, not any husbands or boyfriends (at least not that we know of). Fleur draws strength from love -- not from rage. And when Sesen realises that Fleur is NOT like her, and will never be, she also realises that she won't ever really be with her. And then everything that makes her life unlike that of Fleur (and the way she saw herself in the mirror that night) reenters her private chambers -- including the husband that she married as a result of all these issues in her life. And then she loses it. Woah.

Sorry for the incoherent review. It really probably doesn't make a lot of sense... I loved the story a lot. And you.

Author's Response: Stream of Consciousness review! Oh, how I love thee. :D

The money/body dichotomy, and the act of buying/selling is something I wanted to play around with in the fic. It's how Sesen got this far, and I liked to see her on the other side, because this sort of proposition would be so natural for her. And mirrors! Mirrors feature prominently in most of my fics. I find them fascinating, the meanings they imply. Also, in a fic that toys with narcissism, how could I not include them?

Your Dorian Gray comparison is really apt. Sesen's love for Fleur is not simple; I think she sees in her what she missed out on, which triggers the final murder. She has been mistreated by a lot of men in her life, becoming hardened and unfeeling in the procees, and Fleur is like ... all the chances she lost. Youth. Innocence.

Thank you for this beautiful review, K-Vitamin! :) I love you like ten thousand ice-creams.

In The Heat Of The Morning by welshdevondragon

Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: Summary: In the heat of the morning, Katie and Leanne lie in the grounds of Hogwarts, enjoying the sunlight of the new, war-free world.

This is for Soraya/babewithbrains, originally in the 2012 SPEW Lovenotes, but this is an expanded version. The title is from the wonderful David Bowie song In The Heat Of The Morning.

Nominated for Best SSP in the 2012 Quicksilver Quills.
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

That was very short, but so so sweet. It works quite well in its brevity, even if of course the story behind it could have been stretched out far longer. I like it a lot as it is, with the "present" framing this quick summary of their recent past. You also manage to sprinkle in a LOT of details about both of these characters. It's a wonderfully smooth oneshot :)

Author's Response: Hello Kara!!! Thank you for dropping by :) I think if I hadn't written this as a drabble, then it would have been longer--I'm rather glad it isn't, and that you think the brevity of it worked, and that there was detail without it seeming like an info-dump :) Thanks for reading, reviewing and for your kind words! Alex

Truth or Dare by Equinox Chick

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Cormac McLaggen, a sports journalist for The Daily Prophet is looking for a scoop to make his name.

Zacharias Smith, Chaser for the Falmouth Falcons is looking for acceptance and respect.

Will a game of 'Truth or Dare' get both of them what they want? Or will this collision of two colossal egos leave both licking their wounds?

This is Equinox Chick writing for The Inaugural Great Hall Cotillion Challenge.
This story is dedicated to Ariana (lucca4) because she dared me.
Thanks to Natalie (hestiajones) for betaing this story and also to ma flist for encouraging the impossible.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I hope she doesn't mind what I've done to two of her 'most-loved' characters.

Completely and utterly overjoyed that this won the award for the Best SSP One-shot in the 2012 QSQ's. I suspect my pairing will grab the glory, which is as it should be ;)
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/22/12 Title: Chapter 1: Truth or Dare


It almost didn't let me sign in to review. Shock.

I'm only halfway through, but I have to leave you some thoughts before I go on reading and forget my initial impression (especially since I have to leave soon, eek).

Wowow. I love how you give Cormac this job at the Prophet, and make it work with his character. He reminds me a bit of some guys from TV shows (like the waterpolo players - haha). It's such a great idea, giving him a family connection, so it doesn't actually matter whether he's any good. AND the fact that he has this job is the perfect excuse to want to get closer to Smith. He's 'obsessing' over the kiss because it's important for a potential story... when really, he's OBVIOUSLY just pondering the kiss for the kiss itself.

It's just completely amazing how you manage to tie it together with a backstory - even something like this. I don't think there's one character/situation combo that you couldn't come up with a good explanation for.

I'm just a bit scared of reading on because I REALLY feel like this is going to redeem Zach Smith and I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on the hate yet... and I know that if you write him redeemingly, I won't have a choice but to feel sorry for him!

Really really reaaaally love this so far. The Quidditch angle is so good.

I'll be back with another review for the rest!

Author's Response: Oooh, two reviews - hee hee hee. Glad you're enjoying the story so far. Um, you might change your mind a little about Zach, but I hope he and Cormac are still recognisable as the gits from the books - ha ha.

The hook for this story was the bet which made Cormac snog Smith in the first place. I'm glad you picked up on him obsessing over the kiss because I'd put the bit in about him touching his lips and then scrubbing at his mouth, as a sort of pointer but wasn't sure if anyone would see that.

Hope you enjoy(ed) the rest of the story. ~Carole~

Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/26/12 Title: Chapter 1: Truth or Dare

I'm baaaack woot woot woot.

This will be incoherent and very stream-of-consciousness as I read along, so I hope there is some sense in it anyway.

"“And she’s a right sort,” Cormac muttered. “He has to be a fruit if he’s not gagging to get in her knickers.”" -- HAH that line. I love how Cormac thinks that everyone's default mode is "I'd tap that". And also love the phrasing. That's very very in character.

OH I want more about the Falcon's Nest. It sounds totally intriguing.

"And something else occurred to him. This wasn’t the Zacharias Smith he remembered from school." ..... there you go, about to redeem him. CURSE YOU.

"Even as Cormac was thinking ‘screw it’, he’d already risen to his feet and was following Smith out the pub." -- HAH your subconscious directs your feet, Cormac. Resistance is futile. You want those lips back.

"Nothing I do will ever change a fucking thing, so just leave me alone." -- noooooooooooooo not the hopeless bitterness. I already feel a bit sorry for him, because all the things we loathe him for are things he did when he was a teenager at school, and everyone made mistakes then...

OH and now Cormac sees this too, and touch a touch a touches him... I wonder if he would have done that if he hadn't kissed him before, offered to just listen as a person, and went after him like that - I bet not.

Wow, you write Cormac well. Even if he is somewhat more likeable here than I would have thought, we never REALLY see him as a terrible person in the books - only self absorbed. And that is what you show so brilliantly here. To Cormac, the only conceivable problem here is Zach being gay, because that is HIS deeply lingering problem. Cormac is so... beautifully ignorant of the world and the people around him, and a bit slow.

And Zach now... mmhm. I don't want to say that what he did was right, and you said that it's not etc. But I ... I get him more as a grown up person. He was scared, when he was a teenager, for his life. And suddenly no one else seemed to be scared anymore. But the thing is that this was IT. There's not going to be another battle for him to prove himself in. And it's not fair to judge anyone by their actions at school for the rest of their lives.

'“Screw what they think of you. Go out next week and play the game you want to play.” He paused and licked his lips, then poked at Smith with his foot.' -- Oh wow. What a parallel. With the pause, and the lips, and the physical contact again, and the tie back to the dare... "play the game you want to play" sounds like advice Cormac should listen to himself. If he went back into his own head properly for a moment, he'd have to realise...

'“Your star is on the ascendant, Smith,” Cormac replied sarcastically. “It would be stupid not to hitch a ride.”' -- heh, I love this line. It fits Cormac and the situation very well, and is just... one of those things that stand out.

It's a great detail that they go to a Muggle pub near where he grew up. This is remote from the wizarding world, away from people that know him - both of them actually. It's just so... simple. I wonder though how Cormac is going to pay for the drinks...

"When he returned, carrying two more beers and two shots of whisky on a tray" -- hahaha now he's the barmaid who gets hit on and groped. Go Cormac!

'"Just as you don’t fancy every female you see, do you.”

Cormac smirked. “I wouldn’t say that.”' - SNORT!

“Some people don’t even know it themselves, until they find the right person.” --- so right. Like Cormac.

Haha, it's always nice to read other characters' POVs about the books' main characters.. like with the Weasleys here.

Ooooh Cormac getting scared when Zach finds his eyes interesting.. how sweet, hahaha.

Oh wow, there's the dare again. And Cormac gets furious, because he almost gave in... ooh intriguing. AND they're home alone.. hmmm. NOOOO I just realised that the story is almost over!

Omp, Cormac's secret... That ties all those parallels together even better. And meeting Zach and talking to him must have made Cormac realise this all the more.

I love the ending, with the interview, too. Your story is so well built. It's amazing how you have these undercurrents that go through the story almost unnoticeably, but they're still always there all the same, and tie it all together. And I don't feel like they've been entirely redeemed, but I also feel that as adults, they should be forgiven, so we're still good, haha.

Your grown up Cormac works perfectly, with all the blokes and the girls and the drinking and the careless fun, and the slightly slow naïvety. Zach is... so appropriately bitter. Him not having friends really is logical, because he wouldn't have them out of Hogwarts, and he doesn't strike me as a person who makes friends easily.

This is so well crafted, and, as always, so so believable.

Author's Response: How do I respond to this stream of conscious review? Thank you so much for the in depth analysis here, Kara. It really is appreciated, and this response is going to fall far far short of your gloriousness.

Few replies for you. the 'star is on the ascendent' line was Nat's favourite, too. I liked it because I needed Cormac to have a continuing reason to want to be with Zach. I think there's a part of him telling the truth though because after that match, Zach is going to be more recognised.

Cormac's secret :( Okay, I had that idea after watching csi ny. One of the characters, Adam, confessed to another colleague that on the day of 9/11 he was in bed sleeping off a hangover and didn't know anything about it until much later. This struck me as quite sad and I know it's a fictional anecdote, but there must have been people who did miss it and can;t recount where they were when ... Cormac's regret would always be not fighting. he is the embodiment of the reckless and brave Gryffindor and I think it must eat at him that he wasn't there. Anyone less Gryff would probably ahve told people and explained how bad they felt, but he can't confess because it feels wrong.

UGHH, I really really want to write a sequel to this now.

Thank you, Kara, for such a lovely review :D ~Carole~

Two Negatives by hestiajones

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Marcus Flint and Millicent Bulstrode.

Love sometimes thrives in the unlikeliest quarters, and between the unlikeliest souls.

This is hestiajones of Hufflepuff submitting her eighth entry for the GH Cotillion Challenge. Thank you, Lea, for reading the chapter and giving me confidence! I am not J.K.Rowling. And thank you, Kara, for your ninja betaing skills and all the giggles!

(I know this pairing sounds kind of dire, but please give them a chance. Lol. The story is not as dark as the warnings are making it sound like :D)
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hey yo, here I go!

I figured I might as well leave you a review if I'm reading this anyway!

Your Millicent is very... real. I always wonder what kind of power Pansy has over everyone. Millicent COULD easily break her thin neck, and yet Pansy manages to make her shake when she speaks to her.

And still there's that incredibly power hungry Slyth inside of her as well...

Hahah oh dear, on to Marcus' teeth... I like the detail you put in here, with magic not being able to fix everything.

OMP who is Bilistiche Blishwick??

The way Marcus' world seems to work is... so easy. There are rules, like in a game, and these rules obviously must apply to everyone. He's a pureblood and popular, so of course Bilistiche must like him.

You write the Weasley twins well here, but man, they can be cruel.

Power is... a very very strange and terrible thing, and what it does to people is just... I don't know. Millicent's issues just take her to that other level at which she compensates her body image by instilling fear in others. The fact that Amycus plays on that body image, complementing her when he must know she doesn't get compliments elsewhere, makes it just more horrible still.

" You need to show us all you can do it, by hook or by crook" --- that doesn't sound sinister at all...

Oh Millicent... I know that it's good that she didn't stay, but... I wish she was strong enough to make her own decisions.

Hahaha spa in Diagon Alley?

That Blishwick girl, always that Blishwick girl!

Yikes. What Millicent's mother is doing must be bordering on illegality and physical abuse...

Ah, Truman the perfect Puff, I see...

EEK SHUDDERS the foreshadowing! The crashing glass in slo mo!

" the powerful arms and the mind-boggling breasts" -- hahahah oh dear. poor Marcus...

DUDE cliffhanger, what! I'm glad I can read on rn :3

I like Marcus' sudden leap (in every sense of the word). Maybe it's just the disappointment speaking, thinking that settling is better than nothing at all, but still, it's a great moment.

Author's Response: I quite like Bilistiche Blishwick :D The thing about Pansy is, she's got that horrible popular bitch syndrome. From what I read about her in the books, she seemed to be a typical popular girl, and no matter how much I loathe writing stereotypes, there wasn't a space for much character development as far as she was concerned. However, I did try to show that not everyone was impressed. Millicent, a loner, might not have much of a choice. Thanks for the review, Kararara!

Where We Started From by Equinox Chick

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Dean Thomas slaves hard in the Department of Magical Sports and Games (or rather he doodles on his blotter and ignores his ever expanding in tray). But the work is deathly dull, until one day his boss hands him a pair of tickets for the Appleby Arrows V Holyhead Harpies game.

He's delighted to be going until he realises that Ginny Weasley will be flying.

For although she's now single, Dean isn't sure they can ever go back.

Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling. For one thing I've disregarded her epilogue - ooopsie
Thank you, thank you, to mah flist, especially Kara who has listened to me moan, Natalie who urged me to write Dean!Smut, Alex for commiserating with spiralling word counts, Emmah for 'langered' and Jess for cheerleading.
This is that annoying Equinox person writing her eighth story for the GH Cotillion thingie. *wibble*

To my utter delight and complete surprise, this story won Best Chaptered Story in the 2012 QSQ's ~ Non-Canon Romance.
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/28/12 Title: Chapter 1: Flying in the Sun

Ooooh I've been aching to read this!

Hahaha I love Dean at his job “ and also the magic you put into the drawing thing (with Krum). It's such a detail, but adds a ton of third dimension to the story.

Eek, Gloria sounds vicious :x

Yikes, sexual harassment at the work place! RUUUN DEAN RUUUUUUN! Hahaha I love how you're writing her though. I can picture the scene so well, with her leaning over and being very suggestive. I'm sure she's one of those "I always get what I set my mind to" women. Poor Dean, haha. They should have sent Cormac there... Since your last story, I always somehow think of Cormac a bit like Luke in OC, and then this woman sounds like Julie - hahahaha.

"“Sure we do. Ginny was in our house at Hogwarts. Dean knows-”

“Her brother better,” " --- I loooove this dialogue, haha.

“Isn’t he just the best? So handsome.” -Yes isn't he just a total DREAAAAAAAAAAAAAMBOAT! hahaha. Oh heavens, groupies!

OH the flashbacks start! *sits back* yayay was hoping for one of those! I'm glad that you picked that fight as a scene. I always was wondering what Ginny's problem was there. Though I suppose in combination with other things, it could set her off, but still “ poor Dean.

'“The what-de-what?” Seamus gabbled.' -- glad you're so articulate, Seamus! haha

"Krum might have been the main attraction, but Seamus was making sure that he was a memorable sideshow." “ YAY :D

I have to admit though, I still always want Seamus to end up with Lavender...

Gigglesnort “ for some reason Desiree Tavistock looks (and talks) like Joey's agent from Friends in my mind.

Noooooo Ginny, where is your fire! Bite back! Bite her hair off! Whatever!

'She stopped speaking and angrily thwacked her wand on her hand sending a sheaf of sparks through the air. “I’d like to get my hands on the spotty faced clerk who they bribed to hurry that application through.”' ““ Oooops, hahaha.

This is a great kind of subplot “ this thing about foreign players 'invading' British teams and the kind of unhappiness it causes amongst players.

Desiree sounds like a very rough team owner... Must be hard being one of the Harpies :x all that pressure!

Aw, I wish you'd posted another chapter before heading out... This is a lot of fun to read, and I'm glad you didn't scrap it all. I can't wait for the next one!

Author's Response: Thank youuuuuuu. When I think of the Seamus dialogue I cut *sigh*. I have it somewhere and will post on LJ, perhaps, but it took the story in a different direction so it had to go :(. I'm pleased you liked the story and found the pairing plausible. Obviously Ginny and Dean have some chemistry, they went out for about a year, after all, it was whether I could break up Harry and Ginny. I used one reason in the Katry I wrote, but wanted something else in this one.
Joey, it's Desiree! *snigger*

My response doesn;t do your review justice *sorry* Thanks again ~Carole~

Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Flying in the Sun

Wooooot new chapter!

... how is my review still the only one? o.O

AW Dean helping his family out with his compensation money, that is just so... I don't even know what to say. It's very touching.

HAHAHA Seamus is a Butterbeer salesman... no wonder he's so cheerful all the time.

Noo I feel so sorry for Ginny :( She's just not the same this way. But hahaha i love the drunk convo.

I'm trying to imagine Ginny talking to the barmaid about the Floo network... omp, haha

EEEEEEEE drunk kissing... can that be a good idea for those two? Oh good, Dean agrees with me... At least he's thinking about it.

Oh heavens. Dean on the run, with Ted and Dirk and all that, sounds so... gripping, and horribly sad.

And Ginny dreaming about others getting hurt instead of her is very... Well, it's very Gryffindor, but also very Ginny. I think she has this in common with Harry somewhat, this urge to be heroic and save others rather than herself. At any rate, she definitely wouldn't want others suffering for her.

"Ginny winked at him and he grinned back. She looked remarkably perky, considering the night they’d had, whereas his head was pounding." --- Ah yes, Molly's good anti-hangover genes... haha

Wow. Their conversation when they're sitting in front of the TV... That's just brilliant dialogue, the way you manage to weave it form one topic to the next so naturally. It's really amazing, and so real!

Oh and Ginny's explanation about her and Harry makes so so much sense.

AW man! I love the two of them together. I mean, it'd definitely be awkward when she first brings him around home and Harry's there, too, but a w w w w w. I'm so so so glad you chose this pairing, because I love how easily I can believe it.

Author's Response: giggglyyyyyyyyyyy. I love your reviews, they always make me smile and giggle and sigh - hee hee.

Ah yes, Molly's good anti-hangover genes... haha

I had you in mind when I wrote that part.

Kara, I can't possibly do justice to this GLORIOUS review, but I am so pleased you liked this. I wanted to write something about Dean or Seamus. The Irish laddie had gone, so I decided on Dean and then thought about Ginny. You KNOW how hard I've found this story, so thank you for keeping faith.

Thanks for the compliment on the dialogue. I do like writing it, so pleased it comes over as natural.

EEEP cooking duties call - byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ~Carole~

Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/29/12 Title: Chapter 3: Thinking of the Roar

Hahaha aww Ginny talking about Muggle football is cool and adorable at the same time. I'm glad to see that Dean is having some sort of influence on her, because that shows that she's actually interested in him.

Oh Dean, you procrastinator...

AW man, I can see the OC reference sneaking up! :D YAY that was GLORIOUS. I could totally picture Ginny, and heard Summer's voice, haha.

YESYESYES! I desperately want Dean to pursue some sort of career that lets him be creative!

I never pegged Puddifoot's to be a very erotic place - hahaha. Makes a lot of things stand in a new light, hmmm... Oh poor Dean! haha

OH there's smut! I wasn't sure when/whether it was going to appear... and so good! Though in broad daylight... I'm glad it wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend for the students!

Nooooooo Ginny! Don't get mad at him for the drawings! It's okay even if he does see you this way! And anyway, hormonal teenage boys...

Aw I love the moving sketch thing. And that Dean has something up his sleeve to make Ginny forget that idealised image from before.

OMP is she going to suggest that he draw a comic -- I love love love this chapter. HAHAHA and for the Quibbler! This is brilliant.

Haha I love how Gloria tries that one last desperate time to remind him that he can come back to her... AS IF.

Oh Carole, this ending is so perfect and sweet. I love everything about this story. I think out of all the male characters you've written, I find Dean the most appealing. And Dean and Ginny just have SO much chemistry! And you totally made it work. I'm so, so glad that you didn't abandon this story, because it has so many things that I love, and I'm sure a ton of others will as well. This isn't drawing the AU as far as Harmony, which makes it so appealing to me. I can very much see Harry/Ginny not working out, and Deaaaaan is just perfect. I love you so much.

Author's Response: OH there's smut! I wasn't sure when/whether it was going to appear... and so good! Though in broad daylight... I'm glad it wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend for the students!

hahahaha - I have actually added a line or two to this, so it wasn't quite so out of the blue. They did also find somewhere quite secluded - *snigger* but Ginny shouldn;t be so naughty!

Thank you for liking this story. I did love writing Dean, he'a a character I like because he's a football fan and a Londoner - heh heh - so I find myself thinking we'd be able to have a good chat :).

Californiaaaa .... Californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Heh hehehe - the OC really did inspire this. You know the episode I'm thinking of, although Summer's reaction was much better than Ginny's. Thing was, Ginny had split with Harry because of the 'ideal' and she didn't want Dean and her to go the same way.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you - for being my fan. :) ~Croll~

If Only You Knew by hestiajones

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Their greatest gain was the existence of hope; their biggest loss was the pain of ignorance.

This is hestiajones ... yeah. Her millionth entry for the GH Cotillion Challenge.

Thanks, Kara, for the pairing! And I'm not J.K.Rowling
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 03/01/12 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue


This sounds tragically beautiful, with her memories.

And the.... mysterious child *sniggers* sounds a lot like i'd imagine him at a younger age! So mystified by the simple things.

Poor Eileen. Poor girl.

Author's Response: All I have to say is, thank you for the pairing lol. :D I'm going to enjoy writing the rest.

The Flowering by hestiajones

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: On his way out, when she makes the mistake of glancing up, he looks at her directly and grins. She immediately returns to her parchment. Stupid, stupid Cissy.

After a while, she’s forgotten him.

He hasn’t forgotten her.

Pretty, pretty Narcissa, he thinks with a smile.

This is hestiajones'... lol. Yes, this is another entry for the GH Cotillion. Please blame Kara/Karaley Dargen, whom I love. I am not J.K.Rowling.
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

OMGGG This is a beautiful start! I can't wait to read more -- hope you keep your promise with the week! I already love this so much. I can relate to an extent with Narcissa's social behaviour.

Aaah this is going to be good. Love you like ten thousand ice creams.

Author's Response: I shall finish it quickly! Your wish is my command :)

The Hat That Thinks It is a Chair (but is really a reindeer) by Equinox Chick

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: In April 2011, Justin Finch-Fletchley is attending a very important event in the Muggle social calender. Usually he loathes the formality of these occasions, but now he has someone to share them with, he starts to relax and have fun.

Ten months ago, a plucky band of flisters from all over the world logged onto AIM to watch and discuss a certain event. This story is dedicated to all of you. ♥ forever.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling and I don't expect any garden party invitations in the near future. A spell in the Tower might well be in order.

This is Equinox Chick and this is positively my last entry into the Inaugural Great Hall Challenge. So long and thanks for all the flist!
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 02/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: That Darned Hat

Hahahaha that was so much fun. I'll never forget that hat.

I like the backstory you have for Justin, and the decision he makes about the villagers never accepting him anyway. Well, who cares - what are they going to do about it! Good for them!

I can totally picture the two living on this large estate. I like that Justin's a proper lord, haha. And I love love love the framing you used! :D

Author's Response: I just remember that day with such fondness because we all laughed so much about the hat. Hahahahahah Anyway, glad you liked the story. Perhaps if I wasn't in so much of a hurry, I'd have given it depth, but then again, I might not have written about that hat - so HA! Swings and roundabouts.

Thank you, Karador. You have been an amazing cheerleader and friend. ~Carole~

In the Deeps by minnabird

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: Buried beneath the floors of the Ministry lies the Department of Mysteries, engaged in its 'unspeakable' activities.

One man discovers the truth of this descriptor, to his horror.

This poem was inspired by the song 'Severus and Lily' from the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II soundtrack.

Nominated for Best Poem in the 2012 Quicksilver Quill Awards
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 03/08/12 Title: Chapter 1: Below, below

OMP Minna. I have to admit that I scrolled right down to the third part, the one I didn't know yet, because I had to know how you'd work the plot into this.

But I went back up to read the rest, and you've done this just beautifully. I know nothing of poetic techniques, but whatever you've used here for rhyming/meter, it makes this all seem so appropriately mysterious. It's really impossible to stop reading at any point.

You've done such a great job conveying the images and the plot idea... of course it's vague, it's a poem, but you give it just enough detail to get my mind working, and those details just reinforce the horror of what went on down there.

I love this!

Author's Response: Thank you, Kara. <33 (Honestly the rhyming is a semi-random every-other-line rhyme scheme and the meter was...trying to make it flow? Yay freeverse~)

Discovery by Gmariam

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A loose sonnet about two people coming together at Hogwarts one night.
And no, they are not James Potter and Lily Evans. Shocking, I know.
Written for Carole/EquinoxChick because she's so awe…inspiring. Happy Birthday, my dear!
Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 03/20/12 Title: Chapter 1: Discovery

I just read in Carole's review that you're not a PA member -- that stuns me a bit. This is absolutely beautiful. It flows so so so nicely, really. I don't have a lot of words for it, actually, because I'm just so filled up with the beauty of this poem. It's really fantastic.

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Kara! I'm glad you liked it! As for PA *cough* I just don't think I could produce a poem on command once a month. I've done two in the last six months and I'm exhausted, lol. Thanks again! ~Gina :)

Shamrock by Equinox Chick

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: In the space of five months, Seamus Finnigan found himself out of one relationship and home, and safely ensconced with the rapacious Romilda Vane.

About to get married and move to Paris, he couldn't be happier.

But his friends have other ideas.

Disclaimer: I most definitely am not JK Rowling.

Another Disclaimer: All the chapter titles are named after films. I didn't star, write or direct any of them. And there's a good few I haven't even seen.

Reviewer: Karaley Dargen Signed
Date: 05/08/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 -The Wedding Planner

AEEEEK What is going OOOON? I love the idea you had with the organiser. It's a very Potterverse thing with the shrieking, and it fits Romilda somehow (not because of the shrieking but because she wants to plan Seamus' life). I'm still a bit confused about the various relationships at work here and when everything happened, so can't wait for more chapters!

Author's Response: I hope the various relationships become clearer. I was trying out a slightly different style by not presenting it all chronologically, but didn't want it to appear as flashbacks, exactly.

Glad you like the organiser. I had Hermione's homework planner in mind as I wrote it - ha ha.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. This is a bit of an indulgence of mine, so I'm not really expecting much love from readers ~~Carole~