Russia needs to update her Bio.
/I'll get back to you.
Well...I thoight he was dead a the beginning..But i got a hint of it about half way through! Its always nice when someone who you think is dead is actaully alive! That was a really clever idea and i was totally crying by the time i reached Ginny's name in the letter:P
Awwwww! And I could add like a few hundred more 'w's onto that! That wa sa great story, so short and yet so well written. You had just the right amount of humour and funny humour at that. Sirius character is really perfect, you capture his jokes about Remus really well. Your characterisation is perfect and the interaction between that characters is so well done! *adds to faves* Thankyou for a lovely read and making me go "aww!"
Author's Response: Awww! You're too kind! :) I love banter between Sirius and Remus and, honestly, I don't think I can write anything without a few lighthearted moments. I want Sirius to have had a little bit of fun at Grimmauld Place. His life was so miserable otherwise! Thanks for the compliments on the characterisation and the humour and interactions. I appreciate it all so very, very much!
Sorry I don't have time for a long review, but I thought I's leave you a short one anyways.
This was a really good fic, I was surprised how much you got into such few words! Obviously the summary is correct, so much can be said by silence!
The emotion was wonderful and the characterisation seemed perfect, which is always hard to do with slash. Well done! It was excellent.
Awww! Indigo! That was adorable! Neville and Luna are just adorable together! You had both characters bang on. Luna's explanation of the musical instruments was brilliant and Neville's lack of bravery was so... it was just an amazing story Indigo!
A few teensy nit-picks:
"Neville grabbed her hand and ran towards the dysfunctional toilet." I think here it would be better to say "Luna's hand" otherwise it kinda sounds like he grabs Mrs Norris' hand :-p
"Moments later, in a cubical with scorch marks on wall." I think you mean "Scorch marks on the wall."
"No side excursions, right?" Maybe: "No outside excursions"?
Apart from those very nit-picky things, the story was fantastic and totally adorable! Well done! *hugs*
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you! You are bang right on the first two. On the last point... I did mean "side excursions" as opposed to "outside excursions". A side excursion would be Luna going off an unrelated corridor to look for some fabulous beast she thought she saw... it could also be outside, but not necessarily. I don't really think that Neville lacked bravery, though. I think *he* thought he wasn't brave. After all, he was doing these very dangerous things, even though he was scared. To me that is the epitome of bravery - doing something you are afraid of because you think its the right thing. I'm so glad you liked it! *hugs back*
Madam Caroleee! I told you I would read it! And I thought it was only fair to leave you a review! Tee-hee it was LOVELY! It must have been so hard to write, but it fits to the tune so well! Anyhow, Just popping by avec some spammy praise. *hugs* Your writing ROCKS duuude!
Author's Response: Ta, Russiaaaaaaaa!. Singing it was the best bit YAY!
How can a boy protect his best friend from things he can’t even see?
I really liked this fic. it was unusual but well thought out. Your description at the beginning of James' feelings was beautiful, I just wanted to reach out and hug them both! It was really sweet, and it just all flowed so well. Your characters were really good and just so darn sweet! I really liked it, well done!
Author's Response: Thanks, Russia! It was so different to what I usually write, but fun all the same, so I'm glad you liked it.
Sorry, no time for a long review, so i will just leave a quick note. The feelings in this fic were so intense and well written, it was amazing. You made such an unlikely couple seem so believable! It was really well written, well done.
Author's Response: I'm so sorry about not replying earlier! My notifications stopped working. Brief note or not, thank you for the feedback. I appreciate it so much.
Aww! Draco and Luna..My two favourite characters what a bizzare match...but you managed to make ti work so well!
Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed my story. :) I have to try to fit in a bit of logic, or I just can't keep a story going. :)
Loved the poem, first one i have read on here i an like it very much indeed, scares me a bit...But i am sooo glad he killed the snake in the end!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Hmm, I didn't really mean it to be frightening. Anyway, thanks for the review!
Lily Evans - soon to be Potter - hasn't spoken to Severus Snape for years, and is both surprised and wary to receive from him an urgent note requesting that they meet to talk. Unsure of what to expect, she complies - and is utterly shocked when she finds out the reason that he wanted to speak to her.
A very short "missing moment" ficlet.
I really enjoyed this fic. This is the first Sev/Lily that I have read and I liked it alot, it has alwasy been a partnership that I have been curious about, but as of yet I have never ventured into the Sev/Lily catagory. I can asure you that I will be returning!
I see that it was written for a "I challenge thee" activity but I am a little confused of the timings. When Sevarus says: "The Dark Lord wants you dead..." was this meant before the prophacy? If not then wern't James and Lily already married when they had Harry? If this meeting was meant before the prophacy and that Voldemort only wants them dead because they were in the Order then I understand.
I thought this fic was excellent as a "Missing moment" and I can truly believe that it happened. I thought your characterization was very good, and you caught Sevarus's desperation and awkwardness very welel when he was proposing to Lily. Well done! Keep writing!
Hey Holly, I really loved this chapter, I think you captured Lisa's essence of her love really well. And god you write Cedric well! Looking forward to the next chapter, keep up the good work!
Very good! :) I liked the cliff hanger type ending. Could she possibly? Who wouldn't!
Author's Response: Aww thank you! Keep reading :)
I think there are some real Gems in this story. Some small bits that just make me go "aww!" or smile, that part about the fireworks at Fred's funeral and the friendly banter from Fred about Harry.
Other bits though, I wasn't so crazy on. There were quite a few Americanisms "Picture" referring to "film" you have film later on, and the use of the word "Picture" confused me, at first I thought you meant photograph. Toward the beginning there is a "realize" which was a 'z' instead if an 's' ( A little nitpicky I know, sorry!) But one of my pet hates, is the Americanism "Write me" To me it doesn’t make any sense. It should definitely be "write to me".
Well that is all the technical things sorted, but I'm not all too crazy about the plot. Some of it was really good, like I said before, gems. I just think you rushed some things. I appreciate that this was a one-shot, and a long one at that! But I think it might be better as chaptered, just some of the scenes like the funerals, it doesn't seem right that you describe having to go to her brothers funeral as "dreary" That just isn’t the right word at all. And Harry's Auror training? I didn’t like that bit about "Kingsley wanted him to be an Auror straight away with no training" I find this very unlikely. Being an Auror is a highly skilled job; I doubt anyone could do it with no training, even if you were Harry Potter. I’m not too mad about the condensed Auror training either, I know he fought the dark lord, but it doesn’t really qualify him as an Auror. I am glad you decided to give him some training though, and because you tied in his Auror training with Ginny’s school, it did actually flow quite nicely.
There were other parts that I felt were rushed too, the year that Ginny spent playing Quidditch, and especially the time she spent waiting over his training in France. I thought it was completely OOC for Ginny to blow up like that and write him an angry letter, she was supposed to love him, I understand her being mad, but it wasn’t his fault and she knew that. You say a lot that she had “grown up” and yet this seems like a very childish thing to do.
I am sorry if that seemed a little harsh, I did actually like this story. Surprisingly I loved the eloping part at the end. I thought that was very Ginny, and so sweet! It was a lovely concept for a story, the little dictionary definitions, a very nice touch. I just think it could do with a little tweaking here and there. Overall, well done!
Author's Response: Thanks very much for such a long, detailed review! I'll have to fix those Americanisms, which will eventually be the death of me in the Harry Potter fandom! I understand what you mean about it being rushed at parts, and numerous scenes probably would have been better had they gotten a whole chapter for themselves. However, there are plenty of stories out there that do go in to full elaboration of the time after the war for Harry/Ginny, and this was meant more to give a general feeling than go into detail. I'm glad you liked bits and pieces of it, though!
Hey, Spire =D
I really liked this fic. I usually don’t like second person a great deal, but I think you handled it really well. You used second person very effectively to involve the reader in the story.
The emotion in this fic is just... wow. The beginning was so powerful,
“The cellar is dark, and you look up at your parents in horror. Their eyes are wide, their expressions pained.”
That is such a great angsty opening. Immediately the reader wonders why the MC is in the cellar and why his parents aren’t helping him. It grabs the reader’s attention and makes them read on!
I liked this story because, although short, it seemed to give a deep insight to the character and his situation. The part of the story in italics is very well thought out, it was so interesting to read, and it was a really good idea. Your wording rocks, Spire, it really does. “It is black. It is pitch black in the cellar.” repeating the word black makes this sentence so powerful.
Your characterisation of Remus was really good, you conveyed his fear really well.
“All around the snarls echo, and it feels as if something is slashing into your body. No creature seems to be with you, though; you can see nothing but red.”
The way you word things makes them sound to powerful, you have a talent for angst writing, I can tell =p I couldn’t find much wrong with this fic to be honest, you fitted a lot into a small number of words, and it was very effective.
Overall this was a very powerful story which conveyed its meaning and messages really well. I look forward to reading more of your stories, Spire.
Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, Russia! :D xx
(If this review gets cut in half, I’ll PM the rest of it to you. MNFF review boxes hate me >.>)
Weeeell. I loved this fic. It was really well written for your first tear-jerker it certainly brought tears to my eyes! The emotion portrayed in this fic is just .>
The emotion portrayed in this fic is just so believable and wonderful. The description you use is very effective; it is very detailed without being too much. And that last line=
Author's Response: I got the rest of your review in PM. Mucho love, Rush <3
I really liked the plot of this story, it was a cleverly thought out missing moment, and I think you wrote it very well. I liked your use of flashbacks as well, and think this definitely brought more feeling into the story. I think you captured the essence of Lockhart perfectly, and I think how the first bit was written without direct speech really brought an extra element to the story. However, there was one bit I found that had me a bit confused. When does the girl fall over the cliff? You say: “falling at least five feet away from the cliff.” Now after re-reading this a few times, I think you mean, “Falling at least five feet over the cliff”? To me when I first read this, I read it as she fell near to the cliff, not over. I think a small change would make this a lot clearer.
Lockhart’s characterisation was excellent. In the original books, you don’t find out about Lockhart's secret until the very end, and so you don’t get much time to get a feeling of remorse for what he had done. I think they way you described his feelings was perfect, exactly how I think he would have really felt. The way you said things like, “probably done the girl a tremendous favour” really brought out the Lockhart we meet in the books. The way you worded certain bits like, “It was not as though he had come to Peru with such horrid intentions” really shows that Lockhart feels remorse for what he has done, and is trying to justify it to himself. His character was really well written, well done.
Certain words and phrases you used, like, “screaming in rapid Spanish” really added feeling to the story, but I did find a few small mistakes; “tremendous favor” I think you mean “favour” Favor is the american spelling I beleive. Also “She retailed her encounter in careful, schoolgirl English.” “Retailed”, should be “Retold”
Lockhart’s characterisation in the second part equalled the Lockhart in the first. I loved how you had him suddenly remembering and feeling guilty for crimes he had committed before he lost his memory. The way the healer treated it was also realistic, and it almost made you feel sorry for Lockhart, although he had committed a dreadful crime - he does feel remorse for it.
A very well written story, and although short, it had a very good plot.
Author's Response: Wow, what a lovely review! Thank you so much, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Was this for the reviewing class?
You told me to review, and so I am doing. :-p I thought this was a really good first chapter. It was a good start to a good plot, and definitely makes me what to read the next chapter; I really want to know where they are going! The tension between Ron and Hermione really sets up for what we know is going to happen (H/Hr, category makes it obvious lol) And I loved the bit at the end, about how Harry feels about Ginny, although this doesn’t happen in the book, it could have done, and you wrote it convincingly.
I’m sorry, but Harry’s characterisation, I wasn’t wild on. I’m not sure exactly what it was, I just didn’t find the way he spoke very Harry-like. “said quite bluntly” “you guys get to tell Mrs Weasley,” I’m just not sure these sound very much like Harry. I never imagined of him talking ‘Bluntly’ To his friends, but rather to someone like Malfoy. UI also think that maybe Harry would have told Mrs Weasley? After all she was like a mother to him…
The other characterisations were really good. I really liked Hermione, I though she was very in character and very well written. One thing she said confused me slightly “I can’t believe I haven’t started!” How could she have started? She was only told that she was going five minutes ago. I’m sorry, I’m being nit-picky, but I did warn you!
I really enjoyed this chapter, and am looking forward to the next one! Make sure to tell me when it is accepted!
If you get upset, I will eat you, you promised! Lol
Author's Response: Thank you Russia. And so you know, looking back I'm sort of cringing at that line. I suppose I. My head it was more Harry joking around. But it didn't translate to that on paper. I may go back and fix that sometime soon. But right now I'm trying to get more chapters up and reply to all my reviewers. Chapter two is currently in the queue. So if you'd like to continue reading, keep an eye out for it. It should be here soon.
Hallo Kara! I told you I would get around to reading and reveiwing your fics this summer! I really enjoyed this fic, the AU twist at the beginning, I never really thought what Lily would do if Voldemort was defeated, I never even considered what she would do for a job. I like the thought of her doing something different, I think it is a very Lily thing to do! As the Dragon Empress :-P I was so impressed with your dragon breed names! I LOVE them! And I am gonna steal them for my own dragons! This was a really beliavable story, and Ioved the thing with the Norwegian Ridgeback it was really cute! Anyhow, I am off to enjoy family holiday activities... I will read your other stories later.
I am British, and this was.. erm interesting? lol it made me giggle actually! One thing though (Sorry I am a very serious Brit picker) We dont have "Call boxes" That is an americanism lol we have "phone boxes" Just to let you know, other than that a very original idea for a fic!
Author's Response: Thank you for your comments and critique! And thanks for the call vs phone boxes bit- I've heard people use both, but yeah, phone boxes is the most used. Thanks again!
This was such a powerful story, it was well written, and I loved how you dramatic and intense you made it feel. I have read the other reveiws, and I ddnt realise either that it was about Charlie, i think maybe you could make this a bit clearer. I remember now that there is a slash warning, but unless it is obvious, people tend to think non-slash, so Ginny would be the obvious choice, as the main characters name is not actually mentioned. Like I said before, this was such a powerful story, it was really well written, I expecially loved this line: "heavy as rain but silent as shadow" that was so beautiful.
I have a few tiny nitpicks, "reflection is staring back is haunting" the first is isnt needed."loved was is haunting" Is or was? “I’m not normally this soft to," I dont really understand this line.
I just want to mention again your fantastic use of words, "infiltrating a soul dark as ash" The way you structure these sentences is beautiful, you really have a way with words, and if you just proof read a little more, and watch your word order, this story could be a really fantastic.
I in awe of your wording skills!
Author's Response: Thank you! The nitpicks were helpful, by the way because I read it over and the sentence you picked out didn't make much sense to me either, and I wrote it! Yeah, people always tell me that I have a way with words and it helps bring my stories to life. Thanks so much for the review that actually gives me some real feedback.