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Reviews by expelliarmus17

Unhonoured and Unsung by wendelin_the_weird

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Days before the end of the Triwizard Tournament, a prophecy is made about the boy who will pay for his victory with his life.
Now, a bereaved Amos Diggory must battle monsters, men and fate, and in the end, make the most difficult decision of all: should he find out what was in that prophecy? Can he bear to know whether his son might have lived?

Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 02/15/09 Title: Chapter 1: (This is a one-shot)

I love the whole idea that Cedric had a prophecy that he didn't want to hear and Amos's feelings about it. Great characterization.

I liked how Macnair worked with Amos, that's a nice use of detail. And I loved the lethifold. And the oblivation. Macnair is up to something....

I'm very curious as to who A.L.P. is. Or is she just anonymous?

I have two nitpicks:You don't need quotes around the ministry letters. And 'quite nondescript' doesn't make sense because 'nondescript' means that she isn't quite anything.

Great story! Keep it up!

The Cave by Ellie4Harry

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Amy Benson was an ordinary girl living in an orphanage, the same orphanage that housed the less-than-ordinary Tom Riddle. While at the seaside Tom takes Amy and her best friend Denis Bishop down to a cave. Something happened there, but nobody knows what...
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 02/16/09 Title: Chapter 1: Love and Torture

I like this, I've never read a fic about Amy and Dennis, that's a cool idea. Tom was characterized well. I like the back story you created to the potion Dumbledore had to drink. I'm curious how Tom did it. Was it only a spell he cast on her? Or had he been planning this for a while and Amy had been poisoned or charmed over a long period of time?

A few things I'd like to point out: Tom Riddle was 10 in the 1930s, so there was no TV. And I don't think Mrs. Cole would have trusted Tom to let him go exploring with Amy and Dennis. (I'm pretty sure it's spelled with two n's.)

Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 02/16/09 Title: Chapter 2: Reminiscence

I loved Dumbledore making Tom apologize. Dumbledore's dialogue was great, he was characterized well.

Tom's characterization bothered me a bit though. A few times in this chapter, he seems more like a traditional bully (grabbing her backpack, pulling her hair, smashing her window). Tom is more sneaky than confrontational.

And, I don't think it makes sense that 'blood spurted everywhere' when the snake bit Amy, because then there would have been proof for Mrs. Cole. I think Mrs. Cole wouldn't believe her only if there was no blood. Plus, it would show Tom's use of magic if Amy didn't bleed from the bite.


Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 02/16/09 Title: Chapter 3: The Locket

Ahh! I thought Voldy killed her! I'm excited to read more.

I'm curious about Amy and Dennis's relationship, it seems a little one-dimensional so far.

Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 02/18/09 Title: Chapter 4: Return to a Nightmare

Oooh, I like this chapter. The suspense of Amy going into the cave was great, it was gory and scary and excellent.

I would have liked to learn more about Amy and Dennis, though, the conversation in the beginning of this chapter could have been expanded.

One little nitpick: "it didn't appear to have a scent." doesn't make sense because she "sniffed the contents" to see if it had a scent, she wasn't going by how it appeared.


Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 02/18/09 Title: Chapter 5: Fear Reawakened

Hmmm Voldy doesn't know she's still alive...and he bothered to come finish off Dennis...curiouser and curiouser!

Amy and Dennis are a little flat though, I would have liked to see more character development.

And, I don't really see Voldemort as saying "your worst nightmare." I think it's a little cheesy for our sophisticated villian.


Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 02/18/09 Title: Chapter 6: Midnight Attack

Oooh, Voldy's scary here....

Bellatrix and Lucius are well done, nice job.

Right before Bellatrix kills Regulus, it says "Then, out of nowhere, it happened." But I don't really think that makes sense because Regulus is expecting her to kill him, it wasn't really "out of nowhere."

Honey by cassie123

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Hermione Granger made a career out of protecting house-elves. At forty-eight, she had moved on to bigger and better things. But when asked to take leave from work, Hermione is certain this can only mean failure.

So when Ron brings home the story of Honey the house-elf, Hermione makes a decision that could alter the course of her career - and ultimately her life.

Not only does Hermione have to convince the entire Wizengamot of Honey's innocence, she must also prove it to her family. And they have become those least likely to believe her.

‘Honey,’ I said. ‘That’s an unusual name for a house-elf.’

Ron cleared his throat loudly. ‘It’s also unusual for a house-elf to commit a murder.’


Epilogue now up!
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 08/09/08 Title: Chapter 4: Part IV: The Truth

I love this story a whole bunch! Your characterization is awesome. I really liked the court scene and I like Honey and Amos Diggory was portrayed very well. I was a bit confused at times though, like I wasn't sure how much time passed between events. Oh, and Ron and Hermione's relationship problem could have been developed a bit more. Keep on writing, this fic rocks! =)

Author's Response: Thanks so much, but there's only the epilogue left. It's in the queue though :) ~ Cassie

The Morning Comes Too Early by Indigoenigma

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: One morning. One morning will change Sirius’ life forever. And it’s a morning that should have never come.

Technically, it is a companion to For Him, though it stands alone quite well.
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 08/09/08 Title: Chapter 1: Morning Has Broken

Brilliant! That was beautifully written! I especially liked "I scoot out from beneath it and inhale the fresh air. Glorious air." and "They’re dead.

“I know!” I shout into the emptiness. "

Remus and Sirius were well characterized and I like the use of present tense.

I'd just like to point out: " Remus' " in the 8th paragraph should be " Remus's " and "Secret Keepter" should be "Secret Keeper" Oh and there are some possible comma problems in the second and fourth paragraphs.

Excellent story! =)

Author's Response: Thank you for your comments.

Don't Forget the Mornings by Rhi for HP

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: A little yellow poem you might construe as you desire.
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 01/05/09 Title: Chapter 1: Don't Forget the Mornings

Nice imagery! I imagined the whole scene just bathed in yellow, haha. I liked all of the little details, they developed the imagery nicely.

I'm guessing this is Harry and Ginny, when their kids are pretty young?

My only gripe is that I feel like there could have been a better rhythm and flow to this piece. But it's still fabulous!

Author's Response: :D Thanks for reviewing another of my stories! Heehee, I wanted to write a poem about yellow mornings-- so I'm glad you thought of the color. ;) Yep, H/G was my idea, too, though it could pretty much work for any couple. Point taken on the rhythm-- I'm not a poet to save my life! XD

Better Left Unsaid by Rhi for HP

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Late at night Lucius reflects on a successful party and what words of wisdom he might pass on to his son.
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 01/05/09 Title: Chapter 1: Better Left Unsaid

Excellent! It was great to see inside Lucius's head for once. I've always liked how much the Malfoys cared about Draco.

It did make me a bit sad, how they wear 'masks'. At least the Malfoys care about each other, if they don't care about their party guests. "We were already dead to each other." =[

Also, I particularly liked the imagery in the beginning. Great story!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for a great review! :) I like how Lucius & Narcissa dote on him, too-- though, you know, I've seen in a fair amount of fics Lucius portrayed as cold and/or abusive to Draco-- I mean, yes, he had firm standards he expected his son to meet, but all parents do... Ahem. I'd better stop now before I really get going! XD

Leaving Yesterday by coolh5000

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: To Dean Thomas, it seems like the rest of the wizarding world is moving on with their post-war lives while he remains stuck in the past. But a near-terrible action shows Dean than perhaps he is not as alone as he thinks, and that with the help of the people close to him, he may eventually be able to move on.
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 06/26/10 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

I thought it was kinda rushed... I would have liked a few scenes explaining Dean's state of mind instead of just his thoughts. Some flashbacks would have been cool. I thought Luna was done very well, though and so was Neville.

Changing Faces by coolh5000

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Hermione knows Draco Malfoy - he is arrogant, mean and has been nothing but hurtful towards her ever since the first time they met. Called to testify at his trial, however, she sees something other than hatred in the face of her old nemesis and begins to wonder if there is something she has been missing all along.
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 06/26/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Lovely! Really cool idea. I liked the ending especially. I would have liked more dialogue in the beginning though. An interaction between Ron and Hermione would have been great. I thought Hermione's inner monologue was well-characterized. Awesome fic!

Author's Response: Thanks for the read and review! I'll certainly take your suggestions on board if I decide to develop this further.

Iris albicans by Lost_Robin

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: James Potter was not the only child of two older parents, as everyone thought. He had a twin sister, who fell in love with his best friend. What if Harry had a cousin, two years younger than him? Follow the story of Iris Lily Potter as she takes on her first year at Hogwarts.

And I can not thank my lovely beta, BrokenPromise, enough.
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 06/05/12 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

This prologue is great because it creates some dramatic irony for the next chapter. The reader knows a lot more than Iris does. I really liked Remus's characterization, but I would have liked to learn more about Anne. I'm curious about Anne and Sirius's relationship, and Anne and James's relationship. Maybe there will be some flashbacks in later chapters? Overall, this prologue was slightly rushed in order to give the reader a lot of information, but definitely sets the foundation for Iris's story.

Author's Response: I'm working on sort of a prequel during the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts. All will be explained then. Anne will be developed a little by little every chapter. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 06/05/12 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1

Iris is characterized well in this chapter. I think her relationship with Remus is very sweet. The parallels to Harry's first visit to Diagon Alley are clear, but this doesn't have the same excitement as his did. I would have liked to have seen more about Iris seeing the wanted posters, or somebody talking about Sirius, to add some tension to the story. Basically, each chapter should add some mystery to the plot.

Author's Response: I'm adding more Sirius every chapter. He'll pop up soon. And thank you for the compliments! Thanks for reviewing too!

The Boy WIth Dragon Pox by PhoenixFire9605

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: A young Muggle is in hospital and the doctors are looking for a
blood donor from a close relative. Harry has a plan to help. Pre Epilogue.
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 08/08/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 A Search and Introductions

This is one of the most interesting fanfics I've read in a while. I really loved all of the parts of the series set in the Muggle world, and I think you've handled the Muggle-Wizard connection well. I really like adult-Harry, he reminds me a bit of Dumbledore, which makes a lot of sense. The Dursleys were also characterized very well.

Thrice Defied by Kiara Avalon

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: As Lord Voldemort gains power, James Potter and Lily Evans join the Order of the Phoenix to make a difference. When Lily learns that the Dark Lord is seeking a relic of the late Salazar Slytherin that can mass-murder Muggle populations, it's a race against time to find and destroy it. But while defying Voldemort thrice, the two also manage to uncover a few secrets along the way...
Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 08/03/12 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Very intriguing! I look forward to reading the rest. The title implies that you'll go into detail about Lily and James's past defeats of Voldemort, which I have always been curious about. I like titles like yours, that say a lot with a little. I was slightly confused about the setting of the prologue, which I believe was intentional. However, I think a few more details would have given me a clearer picture without giving too much away. Also, there are a lot of little question mark symbols, you may want to look over the punctuation that you used.

Stolen Magic by coolh5000

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Past Featured Story

Samuel Radley is a wizard born without magic. Coming from a family with generations of witches and wizards, his brother Adrian has never really understood why Samuel has been left without, especially when there are others, with no magical blood at all, who somehow find themselves able to do magic. As he enters his fourth year at Hogwarts, it seems that the Ministry are finally starting to do something about this imbalance and Adrian couldn't be happier. All around him however, there is resistance to the new laws, and suddenly Adrian finds himself an outsider in his class and abandoned by his friends, when all he's ever done is love his family.

This is coolh5000 of Slytherin writing in the Great Hall chaptered challenge, for the Phoenix Rising prompt. I am pleased to say this story won in its section!

I am also really thrilled to say that Adrian Radley won the Chaptered QSQ for Best Original Character 2013! The story was also nominated in the Best General category.

Reviewer: expelliarmus17 Signed
Date: 08/03/12 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue - Breaking the News

Excellent! Great introduction to what is sure to be a great story. Good flow and characterization. I liked the brief point of view of the Healer. My only critique is that you explicitly say that Theia and Adrian are blaming Samuel's lack of magic on someone else, while I think it is implied enough. People aren't usually conscious of blaming other people for their problems, it is just their coping mechanism.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! The critique is very useful - I was a little concerned that I'd overdone the point of them blaming other people for Samuel's lack of magic and made it happen a little too quickly and a little too obviously, so I will go back through and edit a little bit to keep it more implied rather than explicit. Hopefully I'll have more up soon too. ~Hannah