I love the whole idea that Cedric had a prophecy that he didn't want to hear and Amos's feelings about it. Great characterization.
I liked how Macnair worked with Amos, that's a nice use of detail. And I loved the lethifold. And the oblivation. Macnair is up to something....
I'm very curious as to who A.L.P. is. Or is she just anonymous?
I have two nitpicks:You don't need quotes around the ministry letters. And 'quite nondescript' doesn't make sense because 'nondescript' means that she isn't quite anything.
Great story! Keep it up!
I like this, I've never read a fic about Amy and Dennis, that's a cool idea. Tom was characterized well. I like the back story you created to the potion Dumbledore had to drink. I'm curious how Tom did it. Was it only a spell he cast on her? Or had he been planning this for a while and Amy had been poisoned or charmed over a long period of time?
A few things I'd like to point out: Tom Riddle was 10 in the 1930s, so there was no TV. And I don't think Mrs. Cole would have trusted Tom to let him go exploring with Amy and Dennis. (I'm pretty sure it's spelled with two n's.)
I loved Dumbledore making Tom apologize. Dumbledore's dialogue was great, he was characterized well.
Tom's characterization bothered me a bit though. A few times in this chapter, he seems more like a traditional bully (grabbing her backpack, pulling her hair, smashing her window). Tom is more sneaky than confrontational.
And, I don't think it makes sense that 'blood spurted everywhere' when the snake bit Amy, because then there would have been proof for Mrs. Cole. I think Mrs. Cole wouldn't believe her only if there was no blood. Plus, it would show Tom's use of magic if Amy didn't bleed from the bite.
Ahh! I thought Voldy killed her! I'm excited to read more.
I'm curious about Amy and Dennis's relationship, it seems a little one-dimensional so far.
Oooh, I like this chapter. The suspense of Amy going into the cave was great, it was gory and scary and excellent.
I would have liked to learn more about Amy and Dennis, though, the conversation in the beginning of this chapter could have been expanded.
One little nitpick: "it didn't appear to have a scent." doesn't make sense because she "sniffed the contents" to see if it had a scent, she wasn't going by how it appeared.
Hmmm Voldy doesn't know she's still alive...and he bothered to come finish off Dennis...curiouser and curiouser!
Amy and Dennis are a little flat though, I would have liked to see more character development.
And, I don't really see Voldemort as saying "your worst nightmare." I think it's a little cheesy for our sophisticated villian.
Oooh, Voldy's scary here....
Bellatrix and Lucius are well done, nice job.
Right before Bellatrix kills Regulus, it says "Then, out of nowhere, it happened." But I don't really think that makes sense because Regulus is expecting her to kill him, it wasn't really "out of nowhere."
I love this story a whole bunch! Your characterization is awesome. I really liked the court scene and I like Honey and Amos Diggory was portrayed very well. I was a bit confused at times though, like I wasn't sure how much time passed between events. Oh, and Ron and Hermione's relationship problem could have been developed a bit more. Keep on writing, this fic rocks! =)
Author's Response: Thanks so much, but there's only the epilogue left. It's in the queue though :) ~ Cassie
Brilliant! That was beautifully written! I especially liked "I scoot out from beneath it and inhale the fresh air. Glorious air." and "They’re dead.
“I know!” I shout into the emptiness. "
Remus and Sirius were well characterized and I like the use of present tense.
I'd just like to point out: " Remus' " in the 8th paragraph should be " Remus's " and "Secret Keepter" should be "Secret Keeper" Oh and there are some possible comma problems in the second and fourth paragraphs.
Excellent story! =)
Author's Response: Thank you for your comments.
Nice imagery! I imagined the whole scene just bathed in yellow, haha. I liked all of the little details, they developed the imagery nicely.
I'm guessing this is Harry and Ginny, when their kids are pretty young?
My only gripe is that I feel like there could have been a better rhythm and flow to this piece. But it's still fabulous!
Author's Response: :D Thanks for reviewing another of my stories! Heehee, I wanted to write a poem about yellow mornings-- so I'm glad you thought of the color. ;) Yep, H/G was my idea, too, though it could pretty much work for any couple. Point taken on the rhythm-- I'm not a poet to save my life! XD
Excellent! It was great to see inside Lucius's head for once. I've always liked how much the Malfoys cared about Draco.
It did make me a bit sad, how they wear 'masks'. At least the Malfoys care about each other, if they don't care about their party guests. "We were already dead to each other." =[
Also, I particularly liked the imagery in the beginning. Great story!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for a great review! :) I like how Lucius & Narcissa dote on him, too-- though, you know, I've seen in a fair amount of fics Lucius portrayed as cold and/or abusive to Draco-- I mean, yes, he had firm standards he expected his son to meet, but all parents do... Ahem. I'd better stop now before I really get going! XD
I thought it was kinda rushed... I would have liked a few scenes explaining Dean's state of mind instead of just his thoughts. Some flashbacks would have been cool. I thought Luna was done very well, though and so was Neville.
Lovely! Really cool idea. I liked the ending especially. I would have liked more dialogue in the beginning though. An interaction between Ron and Hermione would have been great. I thought Hermione's inner monologue was well-characterized. Awesome fic!
Author's Response: Thanks for the read and review! I'll certainly take your suggestions on board if I decide to develop this further.
This prologue is great because it creates some dramatic irony for the next chapter. The reader knows a lot more than Iris does. I really liked Remus's characterization, but I would have liked to learn more about Anne. I'm curious about Anne and Sirius's relationship, and Anne and James's relationship. Maybe there will be some flashbacks in later chapters? Overall, this prologue was slightly rushed in order to give the reader a lot of information, but definitely sets the foundation for Iris's story.
Author's Response: I'm working on sort of a prequel during the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts. All will be explained then. Anne will be developed a little by little every chapter. Thanks for the review!
Iris is characterized well in this chapter. I think her relationship with Remus is very sweet. The parallels to Harry's first visit to Diagon Alley are clear, but this doesn't have the same excitement as his did. I would have liked to have seen more about Iris seeing the wanted posters, or somebody talking about Sirius, to add some tension to the story. Basically, each chapter should add some mystery to the plot.
Author's Response: I'm adding more Sirius every chapter. He'll pop up soon. And thank you for the compliments! Thanks for reviewing too!
This is one of the most interesting fanfics I've read in a while. I really loved all of the parts of the series set in the Muggle world, and I think you've handled the Muggle-Wizard connection well. I really like adult-Harry, he reminds me a bit of Dumbledore, which makes a lot of sense. The Dursleys were also characterized very well.
Very intriguing! I look forward to reading the rest. The title implies that you'll go into detail about Lily and James's past defeats of Voldemort, which I have always been curious about. I like titles like yours, that say a lot with a little. I was slightly confused about the setting of the prologue, which I believe was intentional. However, I think a few more details would have given me a clearer picture without giving too much away. Also, there are a lot of little question mark symbols, you may want to look over the punctuation that you used.
Excellent! Great introduction to what is sure to be a great story. Good flow and characterization. I liked the brief point of view of the Healer. My only critique is that you explicitly say that Theia and Adrian are blaming Samuel's lack of magic on someone else, while I think it is implied enough. People aren't usually conscious of blaming other people for their problems, it is just their coping mechanism.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! The critique is very useful - I was a little concerned that I'd overdone the point of them blaming other people for Samuel's lack of magic and made it happen a little too quickly and a little too obviously, so I will go back through and edit a little bit to keep it more implied rather than explicit. Hopefully I'll have more up soon too. ~Hannah