Summary: The final installment in the Potter’s Pentagon Trilogy. Read “The Five” and “The Truth” first, myess? Okay!
WARNING! Contains Muggle adventures in Diagon Alley, unusual eyebrows, cheesy clichés galore, psycho Ted, the not-so-lost years of Merlin, a school-wide singalong, the old potato joke, Tyrone’s Princess Bride obsession, Emma’s stubborn denial of the existence of Tyrone’s mustache, a graphic death, a joke shop product as a major plot device, hobo Jordan, Jordan hugging, Jordan pulling pranks, time travel, the Love Shack, angst, and worst of all, Professor Zabini.
It’s the sixth year for Potter’s Pentagon and company, and our heroes learn that in the wizarding world, coming of age has a somewhat weightier significance. Students are busy with an Inter-House Unity Project, Jordan is having weird dreams, Pansy and Ophidias Malfoy have been released from Azkaban, Professor Zabini has a mysterious project of his own, and almost everyone is acting strangely. Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic, a man with a vendetta against Ron Weasley is trying his hardest to get him in the biggest trouble possible. Is the only way to save him to travel into the past?
New talents are discovered, new friendships form and old ones change, pasts are dredged up, and, of course, there’s lots of good old-fashioned snogging. And one of the five kills for the first time… while another becomes a casualty of war.
Starring 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, Emma Weasley, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Post-Hogwarts Story.
, umm got into the highschool soccer shiz, and all other random freaky things. getting ready to start at the big bad highschool (though ours isn't that big. or bad) as a freshman. eep. big changes. you're gonna be a senior right? tell me bout your lifffeee
THIS TOOK WAY TOO LONG TO GET OUT. WOW. LIEEEK. REALLY? COULD YOU BE A LITTLE MORE ANNOYING, REVIEW SYSTEM? YEAH. I'D LIKE THAT. I'D LIKE IT LOADS.
Author's Response: Yes, I am going to be a senior! And so far, my summer's been pretty boring... I've done a lot of reading and writing and rehearsing for my play, and insect zoo stufffff. But I am really scared about choosing/ applying to a college. I have no idea where I want to go. But don't worry about freshman year-- I adjusted pretty much immediately. I predict you'll like it a lot. Some of my best friends were freshmen last year, and they never had trouble with older kids or insane amounts of homework.
"“Look,” Ted told her comfortingly, reaching across the table and taking her hand with one of his ridiculously long arms." way to ruin the moment with the arm description. :)
"“Thanks,” she whispered, shaking her fringe out of her eyes." IVY HAS BANGS? what what?
""“It’s a court appearance, not Godric’s Hollows’ Next Top Model,” snarled Emma, snatching a piece of candy out of Haley’s hand and eating it." i think i commented on this first time around, but hahaha. i love emma.
"His parents referred to him as the Pied Piper of Hogwarts, and insisted that he could be just as efficient an exterminator, except for the fact that he would rather eat his own liver with fava beans than kill another animal." what is it with you and fava beans? what are they even?
"Chester narrowed his protuberant, twitching eyes." um, i like chester. what a bonkers dude.
"“Good day,” Bellowes hissed in tones that strongly suggested that he would love it if Ron had an extremely bad day indeed." i love your way with words.
"Her face was deathly pale, her face tight and pinched, and her brow glistening with nervous perspiration, and her hands, too, were clammy as she clenched them together nervously." you should have ended the sentence at perspiration. it's run-on-ish, awkward, bad flow.
wow, i totally forgot how awesome the court shabang was. pansy is such a fleeping PANSY. see how i did that right there?
"“Full custody to the Potters! That’s great!” exclaimed Ted that afternoon, giving Ivy a little twirl in the air and kissing her lightly on the end of the nose." awwww. they are adorable:D
Author's Response: Well, hey, if his arms weren't ridiculously long, he couldn't have reached all the way across the table. ^_^ Yeah, Ivy has bangs-- not the kind straight across her forehead, but the wispy kind on the sides. I've obliquely mentioned it in all of the books, but it's not really important.
The fava beans thing is actually a reference to Silence of the Lambs, where Hannibal Lecter eats people's liver with fava beans apparently, but I didn't find that out for awhile. I just read a Harry Potter parody many, many years ago where Tom Riddle says, "Do you mock me, sir? A man mocked me once. I ate his liver, with a side of fava beans," and I thought it was the FUNNIEST THING EVER. Ah, well.
I like Chester, too. He was originally important to that plot, but I cut that subplot. But I couldn't cut Chester completely, because I like him, so I left his cameo. And ewww, that sentence with 'perspiration' was horribly written. Sorrya bout that. Thank you so much!
i'm waiting for you to mention a song in this chapter, because i have "i got nerve" by hannah montana in my head right now. hannah montana is an abomination to the world of music>:(
"“Looks like it!” Charybdis chirped in her small, razor-sharp voice. She, too, was small but razor-sharp, tiny with pointed features and stick-straight light brown hair." i kind of forgot what cherry looked like. i always picture her as slender and white blonde. very malfoyish. MY BAD!
"“How intelligent,” remarked Jordan, with the air of an astrophysicist forced to live in a settlement of pea-brained apes." i don't like people like this in real life. but in fiction, it's funny.
"“Whoa, relax,” Tyrone told her. “I’m just being friendly, asking a civil question… invading some civil space…” Haley knew her cousin’s expression only too well. “You probably shouldn’t put your arm around her anymore,” she suggested brightly, “or there’ll be a civil war.”" LOOOVE IT. think i commented on this the first time, too.
"Tyrone’s bizarrely expressive eyebrows tilted upward, giving him the sad look of a puppy that had just been called a bad dog. “Sorry,” he mumbled, withdrawing the offending appendage." offending appendage
Author's Response: Mahahahahaaa, I'm terribly sorry that you have a Hannah Montana song in your head. Hopefully, this will get it out: "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We pillage and plunder and rifle and loot, drink up, me hearties, yoho. We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot-- drink up, me hearties yo-ho!"
Hmmm, interesting, many people have given me extremely different descriptions of how they imagined Charybdis. It's cool to see how different people perceive the unpleasant characters. And I know what you mean about Jordan! I love him as a character, but if he were real, some of his mannerisms would probably really, really annoy me. Thanks for the review!
"“Look,” she said at last, “I don’t mind, really. It’s just, at least me be the instigator next time, okay?” And like the sun popping out from behind a cloud, Tyrone’s wide, white grin reappeared in a heartbeat. “Gotcha,” he said. “Though I can’t promise I’ll always stick to that rule.” He paused. “Oh, and by the way? I’m winning this game.”" CACACACAYYUUUUTEEE
"Ted and Ivy were among the last people to enter the Prefects’ carriage, and they felt the uncomfortably sensation of many eyes fixated upon them." uncomfortable. fix it.
"This was a change from the Ophidias that Icy had known and tried to put up with for so long, and though it was a welcome change, it was a strange one." haha i remember the icy typo! hahaha! now that i remember i'm gonna start calling ivy icy, 24/7.
"Ivy could have sworn she’d seen him mouth the word ‘sorry,’ but it had to have been simply her imagination." DID OPHIDIAS BECOME HUMAN?
"“Future Evil of England Society, more like,” Emma whispered under her breath. Haley flicked her tongue like a snake and giggled." haha i would cease to live without this humor.
"Normally, being rather tall, he had no trouble doing this, but at the moment, he was sitting behind Ted, who cramped his style somewhat in this respect." i'd never dreamed ted could cramp anyone's style.
"Her twin looked considerably less thrilled. “I loathe group assignments,” he muttered. “No one in my group ever does anything properly, and then I have to do it by myself, and the professors always get upset because no one else participated.”" i don't like group projects either. not exactly the way jordan does, but kind of like it. like, they're just so FRUSTRATING! nobody ever works fast enough. i'm one of those people who likes everything fast and quick and i dunno, it's just my nature. it's so annoying. and i'd rather just do everything myself, because it bothers me when things are just a little off, or could be done better. hmmm.
"The fire cast a warm, soft glow on her face, and gentle croaking of toads formed a comforting cadence." i love how nonchalantly you say that last bit.
OH SNAP IS MERLIN IN THE NEXT CHAPTER?
Author's Response: AWww, I forgot how much I love Tyrone. And blech, typos ahoooooy. And as for Ophidias... let's just say he plays a much bigger role in this story. I'm actually just like Jordan when it comes to group projects... I love having the best projects in the class, so when other people don't want to put as much work in as I do, I always end up doing the whole thing! And... you will see quite a lot of Merlin in this story! Hopefully, you consider that a good thing!
""Really, you’re absolutely brilliant," spoke a very tall and thin man whose pale and bony wrists and ankles protruded from his otherwise beautiful and expensive-looking green robes. His hair was sleek and dark, and a long, thin beard sprouted from his chin." i honestly never pictured slytherin was dark hair. i mean he's young here. but whenever i try and picture him with dark hair, instead of silver, he looks like some screwed up asian or something. it's weeeird
"They were a remarkably bright and clear greenish-yellow, so light that they were almost chartreuse." what's chartreuse mean D:
""You mean, ‘time is no match for him. He experiences the past, predicts the present, and remembers the future?’"" hum hum smells like jordan to me...OH I BET JORDAN IS THE REINCARNATED VERSION OF MERLIN JUST STUPIDER AND LESS AWESOME HA! I KNEW IT! HA! (haha i make myself laugh sometimes)
"The green-robed man opened his mouth to toss back a barbed retort, but he didn’t get a chance, because at that exact moment, there was a faint ‘pop’ and a hooded figure materialized on the grounds before the four friends." omg merlin:D
"It was plain that Merlin and the founders respected one another equally, and treated one another with the pleasant formality that world leaders used when holding conference with one another." i kind of thought you were gonna say 'when holding hands with one another.'
"He conjured a plate of biscuits out of thin air and popped one into his mouth, swallowing it in one bite." i thought that you couldn't, like, make food? like magically. or is that just transfiguration? my mind's all confused now.
""Are you telling us," Gryffindor said at last in a soft, deadly voice, "that one of us will betray our friends?" His yellow-green eyes smoldered as they darted between his companions." hahaha smoldered. i'm pretty sure stephenie meyer's uses that description in twilight of edward. hahaha smoldering eyes. haha edward. haha twilight FAIL
"While still light and soft, it seemed forced, overly casual. "Oh, this is completely random, but have I ever mentioned that my parents are Muggles?"" hahahaha YOU TELL HIM MERLIN:D [eyes shine with respect] what a bonkers dude. i wish i was as cool as him.
""Yes, Capshaw," agreed the boy. "Anatoly, if you like, but that’s a little informal just now."" haha i really missed anatoly! ugh. that's such an awkward name. can i call him annie?
"The air seemed unusually thick and heavy, as though trying to suffocate him, and gravity seemed to be working at twice its usual effectiveness." the gravity thing is a splendid line.
""...Maybe Zabini thinks it’s good to, I don’t know, hate everyone the same or something."" hahaha HEART! this is a great line, too. i love haley.
"Ivy was personally looking forward to working with Tabitha, but she didn’t want to lord the fact that she’d gotten a ‘good’ partner over her friends, so she elected to keep quiet, listening to them chatter about who had been paired with whom." she elected to keep quiet? should that be selected?
lovely chapter, i remember most of it. :) OOOOHH, I LOVE PETER PAN! i dressed up as him once. haha. MAN! LUCKY DUCKY! i hope you have a great show! best wishes!
you're from the nation's capital, correct? i was there the last weekend of june! ugggghhh, it was really annoying - i've been there a buttload of times, but my little cousin who's visiting us, valeria, from the DR, came down with us, and she's like eleven. it was a downright awful vacation because we spent the WHOLE TIME just trying to pack all the sightseeing we could into two days (we were there for a long weekend). it was exhausting. and no fun at all. : hahaha yeah, quinn's an awesome name. :)
"Hadrian Bellowes had hated Ron ever since he was automatically promoted to the top of the Auror heap after helping to defeat Voldemort, detested Ron after he’d killed Greyback and Lucius Malfoy in an attack on Harry’s life and was hailed as a national hero, and despised him when he’d gotten to serve as Acting Head Auror during Draco Malfoy’s escape from Azkaban." shouldn't it be deputy head auror?
"The room was full of sparkly, gaudy accessories and fluffy chintz armchairs and pouffes clumped in circles, so unlike straight, neat rows of desks that Jordan was used to." it should be 'so unlike the straight, neat rows...'
"Slave driving? Yes. Cooperating? Nope, not really." hahaha! giorgi is my faaaavee.
"He may be smart, she thought to herself, but he still has a lot to learn about people." you didn't italicize 'a' and 'lot,' but i think you should have italicized 'a'.
""Come on, I thought you said ‘yeah, I know,’ two seconds ago when I told you my name. Anatoly’s a much prettier name anyway, don’t you think?"" haha, it always makes me giggle to hear guys use the word pretty.
""Hi, Haley!" chorused Anatoly sarcastically." OHHHH EMM GIZZLE. haley and ani and jordan and giorgi should go on a double date OH JELLY BEANS that would be so EPIC. and yes. write that jordan-giorgi date. please. please. please.
awwww, teddy:( i remember what happened. i wasn't looking forward to that. ted's fleeping awesome. :( he doesn't deserve his PAIIIN. he does deserve icy though. :)
And love the drama cliff at the end - squee!
Vicki c: *who will get around to commenting on the other Potter's Pentagon fics*
Author's Response: Hehehe, I have a lot of fun with this story and the others in the series. I really love these characters. Thanks for reviewing. I like your username!
"'How could someone with such a silly name do something so mean! The Wizengamot better not put Pansy Malfoy in charge of you, or else they’ll have ME to deal with!' she [Haley] exclaimed loudly, brandishing a ceramic kitten." The ceramic kitten! Isn't that from Pride and Pre-juiced Plums?! Omgomgomg. Hahaha. "'It’s a court appearance, not Godric’s Hollows’ Next Top Model.'" I almost squee-ed outloud at this. And Hadrian Bellowes is like an Umbridge, but slightly more hateable. :o And dramarama with the Malfazizzles!
Author's Response: Whoot! 101 reviews! I should have a Dalmatian for every review I get. Yes, the ceramic kitten is from Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums, and your memory is good! I actually wrote this story looooong before Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums, but I edited that into this chapter just before I submitted it. Hadrian Bellowes is like... is like... not nice. I imagine his voice to sound like Frollo from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame!
"“Ted!” cried Ivy, jumping up at once, her hands fluttering to her mouth like a pair of albino butterflies." OH MY WORD that's a great line. i envy you
"Ivy was thinking about Ted. Namely, about how she hadn’t worried nearly enough about him up to this point." awwww, poor ivy. :( she's too hard on herself. poor girl. i know how that feels. it's like a survivor's guilt except ted's not dead. (RHYME!)anyway. i feel bad for ivy. but i'm getting really sick of her. tbh i don't think i'd deal well with a girl like her in real life.
"The sort of collective sigh of relief that never actually happens in real life occurred." just putting this in because i like it. :)
""She just doesn’t get it. I swear, I’d think he was twelve if I didn’t know any better." unless haley mysteriously went under a 5 minutes gender change without notice, he should be she.
"In fact, his stomach jolted like a roller coaster car missing a wheel." that is such a great way to explain it. i know exactly what you're talking about here. you're good.
"Dozens of entirely unrelated subjects—cows, pink lip gloss, the musical “Cats,” banana splits, goblin rebellions, ligers, Darth Vader, the rather cute boy who sat behind her in Divination, pink crystallized sprinkles—flitted through her brain whenever she tried to concentrate." honestly. you had too much fun coming up with these.
hah, i remember the drawing contest. i found those pictures while cleaning my room a week ago, and i'm surprised i even got an honorable mention. i should just stick to writing. drawing is not my thing.
WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! "Thanks again everyone for submitting to my contest, and I would like the five big winners to PM or email me and tell me their favourite song and who it’s by." I DON'T REMEMBER THIS! I DON'T THINK I EVER DID THAT! is this still legitimate? i never got a prize either. boo you <3
YAAAY. Now it's time for me to [cue dramatic music] PROVE MYSELF AS A GOOD REVIEWER. :D (Also, before I begin, I replied to the email. THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE WOOONDERFUL FEEDBACK. ^_^)
First of all, I love Merlin. He's so... un-hateable. And is Arthur, like, King Arthur? Except not King Arthur yet? Or am I trying too hard to relate things or something?
'Merlin looked straight into the boy’s eyes, focusing intensely and unblinkingly.' I KNEW THIS WAS A WORD! UNBLINKINGLY! My teacher totally got on my case last year and was all "OH VICKI VICKI VICKI VICKI VICKI unblinkingly isn't a word you inexperienced MONGOOSE' except not exactly like that. I don't think I've ever used the word 'mongoose' before.
'...and the other two Gryffindor boys were just as contentedly and soundly asleep, apparently not troubled Tyrone’s snoring.' Shouldn't it be, 'not trouble by Tyrone's snoring? :P You'll most likely say you're too lazy to change it (like with the 'Icy' thing :D ) but I felt like pointing it out anyway. And your my beta. ;)
'He mused on the fact that a few years before, he would have rather cut his own head open and rubbed it with a lemon than break such a major rule as a curfew.' Ironic. I like the description, though. :)
'I had one about myself as an adult, and one about the Hogwarts founders and Merlin, and just tonight I had another dream about Merlin and… I think King Arthur.' AHA! I knew it! King Arthur!
'"... I know that at least I used to be a logical person, but it seems like I’ve lost my mind lately.”' Lost his marbles, more like.
AWWWWWW MAHHHH GAWWWWWSSHHHHHH Jordan's a Seer! That's, like,EPIC. I knew something was wrong with him, of course, but this... Golly!
'... And then1800s, there was a man named Oliver Cromwell who…" And then in the 1800s? ;)
'I know many things, but he understands everything.' It should be 'everything"'. You forgot your end quotes, silly!
I am totally in love with Jordan's, like, internal monologue- thing.
'Cecilia threw quill at him, though she purposely missed.' Should be 'threw her'?
'"... and they’re secondary source at best."' 'and they're a'. >.>
'“What are you doing here?” Haley demanded, her voice about as shrill as the average dog whistle.' I LOVE THIS LINE.
'It was amazing how useful it could be to fake arrogance; it annoyed people so much that they didn’t bother to stop and think that it might not be genuine.' It's amazing how true this line is! I never stopped to think that. Now I'm going to be paranoid.
'He couldn’t finish his statement, because Trelawney had snatched his hand and was wearing the type of overjoyed expression that Emma usually did right after a Slytherin Quidditch player was injured grievously.' LOVE LOVE LOVE this line. :)
Also, I think that your Trelawney and my shop owner in the one-shot I sent you would go together like peanut butter and jelly.
That is all.
"...and Haley was sitting cross-legged on the floor trying to catch jelly beans in her mouth and failing rather miserably." BEEN THERE
The test went extremely well." UNBELIEVABLY IRREVOCABLY UNDENIABLY CUTE OH MY! <333333333
"Three in the morning? Ridiculous! What could have possibly possessed them to do something so stupid, on a school night, no less?
“Three in the morning?” Jordan said. “That’s ridiculous. What could have possibly possessed you to do something so stupid, on a school night, no less?”" HAH! THAT'S GREAT!
great chapter. but i hate that jordan's becoming a seer. AND YOU HAVE ME IN AWFUL DISTRESS! because i recall you saying in pride and prejuiced plums that one of the characters in the second chapter of the story is DEAD and i honest to goodness am till puzzling over this. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING. emma can't die, because she's the main character. tyrone can't because he's main supporting. ted and ivy are a subplot. haley is... side supporting i guess. maybe jordan.
BUT IT'S SO FRUSTRATING
"His mind made up, Jordan pulled a dressing gown on over his pajamas and stumbled into the bathroom to pop in his contact lenses." i don't see the point of this. go from undershirt and boxers to a dress to prevent embarrassment. hmm. i'd rethink that
"“Accio, Invisibility Cloak,” he whispered." this is weird. i find no point in the comma
after the lupin-jordan talk, it kind of struck me how old lupin is. he's literally old enough to be jordan's grandpa. that's weeeird
"“Listen, my mum loves that Divination nonsense, and she’s always talking about it. She runs the Quibbler and everything…" i'm pretty sure you messed up your facts here. remember as much as we want it that luna and neville didn't marry. or...did you have them marry in your version? whoops. hah. forget i said nuffink
"She was blinked in the last battle against Voldemort, wasn’t she?" blinked?
"One of him first victims was his own sister, as a matter of fact." his first victims.
"Ever head in the room snapped around to stare at him." every.
"“What are you doing here?” Haley demanded, her voice about as shrill as the average dog whistle." i like the dog whistle thing. i wouldn't normally point it out but mostly i like how you put in the word 'average.'
sorry. short review. but i hope you enjoy it. :)
I REVIEWED THIS
Gahhhhhh. Well, to be honest, I was pretty sure I reviewed this, like, two days after it got validated, and now if I try and review it again with all the right quotes, it won't be nearly as amusing.
So I won't. Blah blah blah Tyremma is cute blah blah blah stupid rivlary blah blah BLAH! :)
Erm. You will get a nice review next time. [pinky promises]
I'm in a terrible position to pester you after such a RUBBISH REVIEW, but... erm... Have you gotten around to reading that one-shot I sent you? Because I sent it. And you never replied. ? ... I'd at least like to know you've gotten it, it doesn't bother me too much if you haven't read it yet. :)
- Vicki [flails]
'"I always get so excited when it's time to go back to school," remarked Emma. "Then after a few weeks I'm sick of it again and I can't wait for holidays."' You know, it's exactly how I feel. That's weird how you did that. ... "Captured the feeling." That sounds cheesy, though.
'"Looks like it!" Charybdis chirped in her small, razor-sharp voice. She, too, was small but razor-sharp, tiny with pointed features and stick-straight light brown hair.' I think that's really cool how you said "razor-sharp" instead of just "sharp". Descriptive! Don't ask me why, but I loved that. '"I always get so excited when it's time to go back to school," remarked Emma. "Then after a few weeks I'm sick of it again and I can't wait for holidays." You know, it's exactly how I feel. That's weird how you did that.
'“How intelligent,” remarked Jordan, with the air of an astrophysicist forced to live in a settlement of pea-brained apes.' That is an ah-mazing description, dah-ling. Seriously! I love that! :D
'Emma’s body stiffened uncomfortably under his arm. “Nothing much,” she muttered darkly. “Only a git named Hadrian Bellowes wants to get my dad kicked out of his job, and Pansy and Ophidias Malfoy are out of Azkaban, and Ivy has to stay with them for two weekends, and you’re invading my personal space.” “Whoa, relax,” Tyrone told her. “I’m just being friendly, asking a civil question… invading some civil space…” Haley knew her cousin’s expression only too well. “You probably shouldn’t put your arm around her anymore,” she suggested brightly, “or there’ll be a civil war.”' Sorry for such a long little (I'm pretty sure that's an oxymoron) excerpt, but that made me smile! Civil civil civil! ^_^
'“Sorry,” he mumbled, withdrawing the offending appendage.' No, it can't be the offending arm or something... it's the offending... appendage. I love that.
'Her speech was cut off by the sound of the carriage door creaking open, followed by a late arrival. All heads swiveled around to stare at the young man with the solemn black robes and the bowed head covered in short bristles of pale hair. Ophidias Malfoy had entered the carriage. “Oh…” the Head Girl looked both surprised and somewhat frightened. “Er, take a seat, Malfoy… we’ve already got started.”' That's so dramatic! 'The door creaked open...'
'This was a change from the Ophidias that Icy had known and tried to put up with for so long, and though it was a welcome change, it was a strange one.' I think you meant Ivy? Instead of Icy? :D I think that's the first error I've ever found in a story of yours. Hehe.
'As he passed the doorway where Ted and Ivy were still standing and watching, he turned his head and looked them in the eye. Ivy could have sworn she’d seen him mouth the word ‘sorry,’ but it had to have been simply her imagination.' THAT IS SO... BROTHERLY! He won't redeem himself, though, will he? Because you said he's an adversary... Argh...
'“Future Evil of England Society, more like,” Emma whispered under her breath. Haley flicked her tongue like a snake and giggled.' dkfjslf;djlfk. That is so cool.
'Emma rolled her eyes and mouthed to Tyrone, “Obsessive-Compulsive Boy strikes again,” though not loud enough for her cousin to hear.' They get such good lines! Argh! Why can't I think of that stuff fast enough in life?
'That night, Haley was cozily curled up in her favourite fuzzy pink armchair in the Common Room.' There's a fuzzy pink armchair in the Common Room?! Or... Or did she just make it that way? c:
'And with that, she closed the diary, opened the door to the girls’ dormitory, and was out like an appendix, drifting into peaceful dreams.' That's awesome. You use great descriptions.
I loved this chapter! Are you still going to be responding to reviews and whatnot? And have a fun time seeing the Little Mermaid and King Triton's abs that swell to ginormous proportions. ^_^
This was a pretty long review, methinks.
PS - And I submitted this review once before, but I copied the whole story into it for one of the excerpts by accident, so I had to delete it and redo this. c:
Author's Response: VICKIIIIIIII! This is a lovely long review! LOOOOONG REVIIIIIIIEW! I really love your descriptive, specific reviews, you know. Hahahaha, Icy. That's a cute nickname. I think I need to edit that... BUT I WON'T. I'm far too lazy. I think I used "Out like an appendix" in The Dark Lord's Blog and at least one other Potter's Pentagon. I need to stop reusing my lines.
Incidentally, I totally saw "The Little Mermaid," and it was AMAZING. I have no words. The sets and costumes were a little cheesy, but the songs were great, and the cast was PERFECT. I have many, many, many musical soundtracks, and I've never heard one that I couldn't complain about at least one cast member. In Little Mermaid, everyone was AMAZING. And here's the best part... I GOT TO MEET NORM LEWIS (KIng Triton). I got his autograph and a picture, and I told him he was my favourite Javert (he's actually my second-favourite... I'm a liar), and he thanked me and I was SOOOO HAPPPPPPPY. You have no idea. I've never felt star-struck before. I also got autographs from Prince Eric (amazing voice), one of the eels (they may have been my favourite part of the show after Triton... so creepy), and the French chef (he actually made me laugh until I cried... amazing). Norm Lewis' voice was so amazing that it made my ears actually hum after he was done singing, and he had glitter on onstage, which was hilarious. Offstage, he was very, very embarrassingly attractive. I'm not one to fangirl over good-looking people normally, but I have seen many a picture of him before, and they do not do him justice. He looks so much better in real life.
Vicki is sad because she knows she's not the first reviewer without checking. Bother. SCHMERRRRRRRR-GLOW, when are we hearing about your fantabulous reader art challenge? *crosses arms and pouts* Yes. That's right. I'm a six-year-old. (It's even more pitiful that I actually do this. Well... Not really.) But I did start this review at a late hour of the night, went to bed, and woke up to keep writing the review - maybe I'll get an award for Longest Time Spent on Review. (Shut up. That IS an award. ): )
It is excerpting time. I review your stories funny.
Okay, first, how come there was no Jordan dream? *pouts more* I'm sad. I miss Merlin (though he is way out of my league). ):
' (Of course, this particular activity had come to a halt when Hadrian Bellowes walked by and made note of the fact that Ron obviously enjoyed violence, and wouldn’t that be an interesting supplement to his case.)' I like the idea of Ron liking violence. I have a sick attraction to it. (I'm not trying to be funny. Blah. It's weird. I hate wars and wrestling, but nothing feels better than tripping someone and watching them fall. Does that count as violence?)
'In his schooldays, he’d had to worry constantly about Voldemort murdering his friends and family, but things had been simpler back then. Kids had it easy.' I find Ron extremely hypocritical in this sentence. I don't know. I laughed at him. ... :D
'“Never,” said Jordan seriously, “Call me Jor-jums. Ever. And Muggle Studies happens to be my favourite subject.”' How do you say that seriously? And hasn't she called him that before?
'“Only because you’re the most dreadful flier I’ve had the misfortune to ever see.”' Sounded Snape-y. Does that make sense? I mean, like, I think Snape has said something like that before... ?
Garsh, Cecilia and Jordan get along really well, methinks. :O
'A gold necklace, a bald-headed figure slumped over on the ground, a wand, the top of a building, a pair of red eyes, Cecilia’s face frozen in a silent scream, and the phrase, “We’ve got nothing to lose,” echoed through his mind.' I'm hoping that's a premonition of a dream. It sounds dramatic. Or are you just confusing us, Schmergo? I remember in the first book, you had Malfoy send Ted those bullets in his bed (OMGRHYME!!!1!!one!!) and they said something like "THIS IS YOUR FUTURE", but bullets never showed up again. I got really confused about it. Haven't figured it out yet. ):
'“Okay, well, like I said, I’m Haley—”
“Hi, Haley!” chorused Anatoly sarcastically.
“—and I’m, ermm, a sugar-holic. No, um, anyway, I love to sing and play pranks and I have a dorky twin brother and I want Zabini to drop dead.”' THIS MADE ME GIGGLE. When Ani is just like... HI HALEY! ^_^
'Especially Zabini and Charybdis Nott, who in my opinion is basically evil incarnate with a little extra thrown in. But surely you’ve noticed?”' I find 'evil incarnate with a little extra thrown in' really funny. *shrugs*
“Nelson Blenkinsopp,” Emma proclaimed loudly at breakfast the next day, gesticulating with her fork in a rather haphazard manner, “is a disgusting little freak.”' It's really fun to gesitculate with your fork - or other utensils - because in my case, at least, people shrink away from you because they think you might try to impale them. (Impale... Haha... Impale-ER! (I'm talking about your username ^_^))
'And suddenly, his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed, crumpled on the ground.' POOR FREAKIN' TED! Everything happens to him. It's so depressing. (Not actually DEPRESSING, but it kinda makes you feel for him. ): )
This review was really bad. It's 6:45 in the morning, and I stayed up way too late last night. ): I didn't really excerpt much because I'm lazy.
And also... Vicki wanted to nominate you for a QSQ. She wanted to nominate Potter's Pentagon, BUT THAT WAS ALREADY NOMINATED, and Emma Weasley, BUT THAT WAS ALREADY NOMINATED. She couldn't think of anything better to say, and didn't want to look like an idiot. ):
VICKI! (I wanted to sign off on all-caps like Giorgi.)
SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT
shoot. i am such a failure. i am GOING TO READ THIS.
i miss reading your cheery review replies:( but i'm gonna get back to you. by the end of july! I WILL READ EVERY CHAPTER! THAT'S A PROMISE!
OH YAY! But I don't think I'm the first review. :c I'm sad. I would have reviewed earlier, but, alas, I had a grueling soccer camp (my only sport - I'm actually extremely competitive and downright scary when it comes to it) today from 9 to 12. :c We had to runs the big lap (AROUND OUR WHOLE SCHOOL PROPERTY - that's a lot) TWICE because someone cheated. Blegh. Anyway. No more about my boring life. However, before I begin my review, let me just say... I WAS THE FIRST PERSON WHO POINTED OUT THE 'ICY' THING. So THERE! Okay. I'm done. The review shall commence.
'“That’s quite all right,” Hufflepuff assure him,...' It should be assureD, young lady! Sorry, but throughout the day, I've been quite the spelling and grammar Nazi. But I thought the dream was boring. Meh. But Merlin sounds cool. Make him younger, and he would be my love. c: (That's a joke.) But it's just so weird... You know, actually calling people 'Hufflepuff' and 'Slytherin'.
'“My parents will be wanting me at home." HAHA! I know, it's not that funny, but it's cool... Merlin going home to his parents. ^_^
Why does Jordan always have weird dreams? In the first paragraph, I realised it was a dream. At least he remembers them. I'm not good with dreams. Last night... it has something to do with soccer... this little boy named Jared... and waking up really early in this sing-a-long from the 50s or something. It would be so much cooler if I remembered it. :c
'(On their first day in their first year, Haley had made a rather awful first impression by standing on her desk and announcing, “Right, well, the teacher’s never gonna show, so I’m filling in today! I’m Professor Haley-poo, and today in Potions, we’re going to mix Fizzing Whizbees and pumpkin fizz and watch it explode! You will be graded on awesomeness!”)' This, my friend, is something I never knew. I love Haley. I would have done that if I was in that position. That's so cool.
'He came to a sudden stop directly in front of Haley as he spoke these words, one eyebrow lifting slightly in a gesture that made her absolutely shudder with annoyance.' I'm with Haley on this one, again. I can't raise any eyebrow for my life. Well, no, I can raise my left one, but only about a millimeter, so it's not much. :c
'“For some of you, you will find that this class is not the right one for you. HOWEVER, I do not allow drop-outs, and I accept no excuses.”' What? Zabini makes no sense. He eats his words. Meanie. Word-eater. Oh, and I see Anotoly is in the next paragraph. Does he become Haley's partner or something? I'll read on.
And oh, yeah, Anotoly is acting really cool. Like really. Like seriously. Like... like... like yeah. (Hehe, my friends say 'like' all the time. I make fun of them. I used to say it the way some people say 'um', but I'm a LOT better now. Seriously, I'd talk like this: "Yeah, like, that was, like, so cool, because, like, I don't know, like, it was just, like, completely awesome, like, I don't know what to say. I'm, like, serious. Valley girrrl. But, like, (ugh) that didn't even sound weird, because everyone talks like that. Like, all the girls do. After typing that like-y sentence, I really want to say 'like' a lot now. Like, ARGH!) But he doesn't seem like the same Anotoly from Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums - that takes forever to type, by the way.
Oh, and about Ted, like, collapsing. I think that's because of him being a werewolf. That was my immediate suspision. I spelled that wrong. My mind has taken a blank on how to spell that word. What has happened. This is bothering me. A lot. Suspicion? Suspesion? WHAT THE FLYING NOODLE. Wait. Is it suspicion? I think I'm stupid or something.
'(Apparently, Jordan’s had merited a one hundred percent, a fact that surprised no one. Annoyingly, he hadn’t even had to look at the instructions on the board.)' What? Jordan brews Veritaserum when he gets bored?
'"Ivy Potter, you will be working with Tabitha Thomas, first year Ravenclaw.”' Aw. That's awesome.
'Emma Weasley, you will be working with Nelson Blenkinsopp, fourth year Hufflepuff.' Oh, my gosh. That is the slug man. How do you breed slugs anyway? They die, like, in a day. What's up with that. I remember I was in British Columbia with my cousins, and it rained, and there were slugs EVERYWHERE. Of course, being the tom boy I used to be with a fiery passion, I put them all on one sidewalk block and made a 'slug farm'. Mhmmm.
'—Haley could imagine him turning them up from ‘medium’ to ‘well-done.’' That's cool. I wish I thought of these things. I'll say it once, I'll say it again. Give me your spaghetti.
'She saw the corners of Zabini’s mouth twitch slightly, almost a smile, and she was filled with a sudden desire to kick the man in the teeth, or maybe another target considerably lower.' I find that funnier than it should be, growing up with boys all over the place. ^_^ I'm giggling right now.
'She would need sugar quills to get through this. Lots and lots of sugar quills.' They'll get you through anything. I just wish they sold these. Do they?
Was it just me, or was this capter REALLY SHORT compared to others. It feels short, for one, and also the scroll bar is a lot bigger than it usually is. Do you get what I mean about the scroll bar?
Oh, and about the ratfink thing from Wayside Stories over from Pride and Prunes, OH SNAP! I used to LOVE Wayside Stories. Especially the one where that boy (I forget his name :c) lost his pencil and went everywhere looking for it... and then in the end he had to try and write his name on his pencil. ^_^ We did a reenactment of it in school way back when, a couple of kids assigned to each chapter, most people with more than one. Well, the person who was Mrs G from chapter one, HE COULD ACTUALLY WIGGLE HIS EARS. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I think I was that really shy girl or something. I don't really remember, except I wore a bandana and sweatshirt and didn't talk to anyone.
GRRREAT CHAPTER. It didn't seem like much happened, though. But then, that's probably because the scroll bar is a lot bigger than usual.
PS- Again, I submitted this review twice and deleted the old one, because I'm retarded and messed the other up. Yerp.
"Although he did somewhat resembled his sister physically, he was her polar opposite personality-wise." you've probably been told this, but 'resembled' should be 'resemble'. by the way i decided to just start over reading the whole thang.
"Ted was not the only teenager at the table who occasionally transformed into an animal, though." this is a GREAT line. i just like how you put in 'occasionally.' it made me laugh. :)
wow. probably shortest review i've ever written. but you're gonna get, like, 18 more shiny new reviews, so i think it's okay, yeah? ;)
Author's Response: Thank you! And yeah, I never edit my typos, because I'm dummmmmmmmb. But I'm so happy to see you here again on MNFF!
Summary: They don't know how, but Dudley and Luna have fallen...for each other. Join them as they fight for their love.
Submission for Gauntlet Round 6: We are Sainyn Swiftfoot of Hufflepuff and go go ravenclaw of Gryffindor.
Aww! This story is so cute. I love it. There's so many time lapses! I have to keep stopping and reminding myself what's happened, c: And, how in the name of Merlin's soggy underpants did Vernon and Petunia even get to that summer house? They must be very sneaky, or else stalking Dudley and Luna... :D /joke
Summary: In the dead of the night, someone steals Harry's Marauder's Map.
Insanity, hilarity and catastrophe, of course! (This wouldn't be a humour story if it didn't, would it?)
As different people try to activate the Marauder's Map, the four infamous Marauders answer back, in their own wonderful style.
Oh, man. I love this! What a fantastically oddly amazing story. :D I can't get enough of Sirius and James talking about Harry... They cracked me up. And how James and "Ms Dun-Bar" (aka Lily c:) had a fight... on a map.
Vicki c: *who loves this story and can't wait for the next chapter*
Author's Response: Thank you thank you thank you! Your review just made my day! (Not that there's much of the day left, it's 11 pm here where I live... :P)
Again, I'm soo sorry for not updating!