I'm 19 and a college student, which means that my writing tends to be produced very sporadically. I discovered fanfiction a few years ago, and have found it to be a wonderful place to grow as a writer. I'm a member of SPEW (Society for the Promotion of proper Evaluations for Writers, by readers), which provides all kinds of writing related (and non-writing related) support.
“It’s our rule not to dredge up past things, remember?”This rule is about to be broken.
~Inspired by a worldwide beloved film.
Once again, great job of showing familial affection. The repetition of each other’s words (“don’t ‘Mo-o-o-om’ me. What have I told you about whining? It isn’t becoming.” “Don’t ‘Thalia’ me. It isn’t becoming.”) – great touch.
Little thing, but I love that Hermione is making her daughter get up early a month before Hogwarts starts, in preparation. So Hermione-like!
Nitpick: But no, it couldn’t be, because Thalia’s pair was across the channel. The use of the word ‘pair’ here felt a little strange – would twin work better? As for one bigger critique, I think the constant reminiscing about Draco was a little overdone – why should she think about him so much now, as opposed to over the last eleven years. Of course, seeing her other daughter would have been a trigger – I would have liked to see Hermione wonder where Callie is and if she will be going to Hogwarts.
It’s very interesting to compare the two families, the obvious propriety and neatness of Draco’s, the more laid-back spur of the moment of Hermione’s. Even more interesting was the way the two families talked about houses. Of course Draco had filled his daughter with ideas of Gryffindor-vanquishing and Slytherin pride, and of course Hermione’s daughter is more tolerant, prepared for the idea of being a Slytherin. Very in-character, with some nice juxtapositions – I wonder which girl will end up being in which house?
I like that both chapters are from the perspective of the parents – that’s a nice touch. I imagine we’ll get plenty of the girls’ perspectives once they’re in Hogwarts, so it’s nice to start out with Hermione and Draco’s POVs, almost as a prologue. Nice job – I’d like to read more!
Author's Response: Once again, and in one day (!), you inspired me, Nan, thank you again for this lovely review!
The sentence before the sentence you nitpicked said, \'They looked quite a pair.\' So I thought I\'d repeat it. *whispers* I\'m restraining myself from saying the word \'twin\' for now. ^_^ And yes, valid observation about Hermione. I promise to do this later. I just think she tries not to think about her other daughter. That will be a little painful.Oh, Nan! You see them all, don\'t you? Yes, I thought it funny to reverse them: you\'d expect Hermione\'s daughter to be the prim-and-proper one, right, but I\'m having fun, hehe. Of course, it fits with the appearance-conscious Malfoys, too, no? Draco was just too spoiled, and probably thought it needless to show propriety and grace to Potter and co. and his own inferior cronies.
And, again, yes, oui, I started with the parents\' POV. I thought it was a nice bait and dangle...Thanks, Nan! I\'ll update soon!