Hi! I have pruned back this page recently to show only my best work. In addition I have deleted all chaptered fics that I have no plans for finishing in the near future. I have saved all the reviews from my deleted fics -- I'm sorry if I never replied to the review you left >.> Thanks everyone! In the future I'll hopefully get Weakness finished, and a few more poems up maybe. xx
Carole! Aw, I love this song. And I never thought I'd ever see something vaguely Severus/Lily from you :)
Anyway, I rather do like this. I can feel the song interwoven in it, and you capture Severus' love for Lily perfectly. You've got the whole kinda bittersweet tone down, and I can really relate to Severus.
I really enjoyed this. Sorry I don't have time to give you a better review, but I had to comment :) Thank you xx
Author's Response: Thnaks spire. I'm glad you know the song as otherwise I don't think it works. Hmm, I do write one sided Snape/Lily, just not Au where they end up running off together - ha ha. Thank you for the review. ~Carole~
Andromeda survived the war, but she feels like a ghost.
Paige, this is a truly beautiful poem. I was looking for a poem to read and yours caught my eye -- such an intriguing title!
I love the symmetry of this poem, particularly the use of ‘b’ to begin the same two lines in each stanza. It shows Andromeda stuck in this mindset, being this ghost and her moving on simultaneously, perfectly. Is this in a particular poetic form?
I like the use of the different ghosts in chronological order, kind of capturing each stage of loss. It helps us to see how Andromeda is evolving as she comes to terms with it. In addition, I don’t know whether you purposely built it around Scrooge, but the use of the ghosts and all the negative descriptions surrounding her Christmas do give her a Scrooge-esque feel. The difference here, however, if that it is easy to sympathise with Andromeda, and understand why she is acting how she is.
The Christmas theme incorporated puts a spin on the happy feeling that Christmas supposedly represents. However if you’ve lost somebody it’s not going to be all happiness at Christmas, so the sad sort of feeling you’ve produced along with this particular season goes a long way in showing how hard things are for Andromeda, and how hard they can be for real people in this situation too.
Honestly, great poem. I’m pleased I got the chance to read it and feedback. :) xx
Spire! I'm so happy you had the urge to look for a poem to read! Not a lot of people do, and if I had a Galleon for every review that had "I don't ususually like poetry", well, I couldn't spend them, heh, but I'd have a shiny collection. :D
I read poetry, but I don't study it like I do fiction writing (somehow I got the impression poets have super-analytical math brains, and I'm the math for liberal arts type :P). I just write and work out the poem as I go. With the different ghosts making a pattern, the repetition of 'b' seemed to fit.
Yay, you caught that she was feeling Scrooge-ish, bah humbug, until time and perspective changed her heart! Sometimes when you lose someone you feel detached from all the holiday cheer, guilty if you enjoy it, and a bit resentful that everyone else seems to have moved on (which leads to more guilt).
You made my day with your feedback. Thank you!
Ah, this was so sweet. A very nice snapshot of Charlie and Tonks, and though the scene in itself is simple, the timeline, as such, of their relationship, bulked the story out that much more. The back-story gave a sense of depth to the characters that wouldn’t have been there so much if you’d just kept it to them chatting next to the lake.
I’m sure I’ve probably told you this before, but it can’t hurt to say it again. I love your characterisation of Tonks. There’s something very distinct about the voice you’ve created for her, that you keep consistent every time you write her.
A line that really stood out to me was: They had made the effort to stay friends despite their respective housemates’ surprise and faint scorn. It’s amazing how few people at Hogwarts seem to be friends, close friends, with people from other houses. It’s not until Dumbledore’s Army that Harry, etc., made friends outside of Gryffindor, and even then… That was something I’d never really thought about before, so thank you.
And finally -- poor Charlie. You did a beautiful job of building my sympathy for him, particularly through his guilt at choosing to spend Easter away from home. I almost wish this pairing was canon, and they stayed together… but I like Remus finding love more. :p
I really enjoyed this. I like the Easter chocolate theme underlying it all too. Minor aspect, but you incorporated it well. Great story. xx
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review, Spire. I'm pleased you liked the line about the surprise and faint scorn from their houses. I do think it was hard to be friends with members from other houses - Slyths and Gryffs I can understand the rivalry, but Hufflepuffs tens to get patronised so much in the books, whereas we know how amazing they are - LOL. ~Carole~
This is Acacia Carter of Hufflepuff writing for the first third of the Character Triathalon, for the "missing moment" prompt.
Many thanks to Jess for the lightning-fast beta.
This was fantastic, I really enjoyed it. I genuinely felt like it’s a bit of a missing moment from JK’s books; it was characterised well, and the events played out realistically.
First thing I’m going to comment on is the ending: I love that you’ve ended on such an intriguing piece of dialogue. It both made me think there should be more to come, but also it linked into the books, since we kind of know what happens next.
My favourite thing about this story is the house unity surrounding the Gryffindors. It really felt like they were a team, how they rallied around Neville, and that is so characteristic of the house they were put in. They’re more or less Gryffindors because each is a brave individual -- that really came across in their actions, especially since they could’ve all been punished for taking him back to the Common Room. I also like that Neville is the only one brave enough to outright stand up to Carrow: it took me back to Harry/Umbridge in OTP, and established Neville’s position as the new leader of Dumbledore’s Army by being the one to speak out.
I like the use of imagery throughout this piece. There’s a nice balance between lots of imagery when he’s being tortured, and when you’re building up the scene, and then dialogue when he’s talking at the end. It separates each passage nicely, and emphasises what Neville is going through.
Thanks for the great read!
The end of the world comes not from the hand of Lord Voldemort, but an incurable disease. When Britain falls, those that are left must keep on running.
And never stop.
Winner of the 2012 Quicksilver Quill Award for Best Alternate Universe!
I love love loved this story. I read this yesterday night, and all day it’s been popping into my head, it was that good.
The backwards structure was a really interesting approach; I don’t think I’ve seen it used before. It made the story so much more engaging than I think it would’ve been if you’d done it chronologically -- I was able to piece together what had happened to the world as we moved backwards in time, but this information was revealed gradually, so that you kept my curiosity throughout.
In addition, the build up to the beginning of the catastrophe made the ending so much more powerful in my opinion. By then, I’d seen the devastation that has been caused, and it makes it so much more devastating that it is all down to Luna (and her father) -- a character that I think you can’t help but love. This was supported by your characterisation of her, I think, as you capture her excitement and enthusiasm at finding the creature perfectly through her actions, but also her overall trust. She reaches out because Xeno believes it’s okay, and ultimately that’s her downfall. Their relationship was beautifully written, in that respect.
Elsewhere, I really enjoyed your characterisation of everyone -- particularly Ron. His bravery when he turned and shot Harry was in keeping with the bravery that Gryffindors exhibit. That scene could have easily been a show of brutality, but instead it shows how much Ron respects his best friend, by allowing him to escape the zombie-life.
Draco was also interesting. You showed his survival instinct by his willing to take Muggles into his home, but also a more sympathetic side that I don’t think we really see until the Malfoy Manor scene in the last book. It was ironic, really, that Hermione and Ron collaborated with Malfoy after years of being enemies -- it shows how dire the situation in the story is, and how they can’t afford to be enemies.
Finally, the third person present point of view is very effective. It pulled me into the story, to the point where I really believed what you were describing was happening -- and perhaps that’s why I’m still thinking about this story 24 hours after I originally read it (something that rarely happens with a short story). Alongside the dark language used, etc., each sentence is used in a way that every word is relevant to the story -- none of it is redundant. This is helped by the exclusion of the exact details like what happened to Molly and Arthur. You hint at what’s happened, but leave most of it to the imagination -- this just emphasises how alone Ron and Hermione are becoming in the world, and shows how they are doing their best to cope by not dwelling on what has happened to people they love. This keeps the focus on their fight perfectly.
Genuinely, I really enjoyed this. Thank you for the excellent read. :)
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I am flattered that this fic has stayed with you. Draco was a lot of fun to write, not just because of the snark but also because I found the dynamic between him and the situation and Ron/Hermione incredibly interesting. Like you said, it showed the direness of the situation that he was willing to live with Muggles and team up Ron and Hermione to survive. I wanted to parallel the scene in the Room of Requirement with the Fiendfyre. Anyway, thank you so, so, so much. Apologies for taking so long to reply but I was in awe of the responses I've got for this fic. This review made me smile like a maniac. Thank you.