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House-Elves Anonymous [Contact]

Hello. This is my reader's page; as of right now, i am not an author. Hmmmm...yes...next part...Personal Information!
I am an age, somewhere between 1 and 1843836294.3.
My name starts with a letter, ends with a letter, and has several letters in between. My hobbies include things i like to do. (Are you confused yet?) I live in a country, somewhere on a planet...BUT WHICH ONE?!?! (This is wasting your time) I don't like creepy stalkers who read other people's personal information (HHHHHHMMMMM) and follow them around in a black hooded cloak breathing heavily.(Yeah. I'm talking to you. You know who you are.)

*sigh*...I guess i could tell you some real stuff...

I read all of the time. My favorite books include the Artemis Fowl books, the Bartimaeus Trilogy, The Inheritance Cycle(used to be a trilogy; He added a fourth book), the Percy Jackson series, Orson Scott Card's Shadow series and Ender series, The Supernaturalists, the Shadow Children Series, the Hobbit/ Lord of the Rings series, The Thief Lord, Dragon Rider, Inkheart/Inkspell, The Seventh Tower series, The Maximum Ride series, The Leven Thumps/Foo series, The Animorphs books (there are over 50 of 'em!), and, of course, the HARRY POTTER BOOKS!!!
Oh, Twilight (and all books in that series)...Hate 'em.

Random Quote-"There are 10 types of people in the world...Those who understand binary, and those who don't"-Random guy on the computer-net thingy

Oh, yeah, by the way...

My name is Josh
I'm 15.750 (c'mon October...)
I'm American

There, it wasn't a complete waste of time, now was it?

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Reviews by House-Elves Anonymous

Harry Potter and the Eye of the Storm by jane99

Summary: My take on sixth year. More drama than anything else, and glacially slow - so if you're after lots of adventure and sappiness your best bet is to go elsewhere. Hopefully there's a shred of originality in here somewhere.
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23

Uh, Hello? I'm still reading. Could you update whenever you get time(immediately, as soon as possible, NOW!!!)

Not Only a Granger by ferporcel

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: [WIP] Post-HBP. Eleven years after the end of the war, Hermione finds herself in a delicate situation when her only son leaves for Hogwarts and threatens her most guarded secret: that he’s not only a Granger, but also a Snape! SS/HG.
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 07/19/08 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20: Feelings

Hello, Ferporcel

Great story. I love the resemblance between snape and nathan. The way snape's character slowly changes is great as well.

For you to understand this part of the review, you need to know that I listen to music on my computer while I read fanfiction. Well, it was set to random while I was reading the part about snape yelling that he was Nathan's father. There was a pause, and then the song "Father of Mine" by Everclear started to play.
...I nearly fell over laughing.

Please continue writing this story. It's quite good.


To Find the Truth by hopelesslyhopeful

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Harry and Ginny have led a happy life together that now includes their four children. But when Lily discovers a new 'talent' and old enemies combine with new, can the children of Order members and their parents unite and prevail?

To Rekindle the Flame sequel, although it's not necessary for you to read that story first to understand
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21 - Let Me Tell a Story

Please update soon!!!!! I might spontaneously combust if you don't. Do you want that on your conscience? UPDATE!!!!

Author's Response: I do not want any spontaneously combusted bodies on my conscience, that\'s for sure. A new chapter has been posted and the next one should be submitted soon. Thanks for reviewing.

Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered Soul Club Band by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Well... it's high time that I did something so completely insane that the wizards in white robes dragged me off to the closed ward in St. Mungo's.

So, I spoofed the entire album "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" by the Beatles, to be performed by your favourite Dark Lord and choice Death Eaters in the style of a rock opera. Eat your lonely hearts out!

I don't recommend this fic to those who are not at all familiar with the Beatles.

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 02/10/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 and Only

Oh my jeebus, Schmergo!

This is actually the first time I've read this! I listened to my Sgt. Pepper's cd while I read, and I lost it! Godric, this is hilarious!

Did somebody put something in your morning coffee, Schmergo? :]

By the way, I dropped you an e-mail! Enjoy!

Still laughing,


P.S.- Did you know my dad named my little brother Lennon? Yeah, his first name is Lennon!

Author's Response: Hahahaha, thank you so much! I was actually just opening up your email when I got the email letting me know that I got a review, so I decided to check this one out first! Believe it or not, I think coffee is incredibly yucky. Even coffee-flavored ice cream, or coffee with tons of whipped cream and chocolate and milk and stuff in it. I am more of a green tea kinda person myself. ^_^

Dang, my brother and sister and I all have really popular names! Lennon is such a cool name, we're all boring.

A Quest For Ice Cream by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Ever wondered why Florean Fortescue was taken by the Death Eaters?

Lord Voldemort is on the quest to find the best, evilest flavour of ice cream, and he will stop at nothing to get it.

This is a very short, very silly and quite OOC little one-shot written as consolation for the fact that "E-Journal" is on hiatus. It's based on a prompt given to me by the ridiculously talented Inigoenigma.

Nominated for Best Humour fic in the Quicksilver Quills awards!
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 02/15/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only!


Heya! I was in need of a laugh, so I thought I'd pop by. I gotta tell ya, this story made me chuckle like a crazy guy on chuckling pills watching his mother-in-law mow the lawn with a spoon. In Siberia. During December :]

Karamel Sutra has got to be the best ice cream flavor. Ever.

Also, I love getting e-mails as well, particularly from friends, so I know how you feel. Especially when I can tell that the sender is putting a whole bunch of care and thought into writing to me. That really means a lot to me. But, hey, I love receiving any e-mails! They don't gotta be fancy :] What can I say, I guess I just like the feeling of people writing to little ol' me!

Wondering how a five-ounce phone can possibly carry this one-pound review,

Then realizing I must be sending this with an African phone,

-Sir Josh-

Author's Response: BAHAHAHAAAAA... oh my... thank you so much! Honestly, the reason why I haven't sent your email back is because I've been writing about forty valentine's cards and it completely slipped my mind... aaaah, I'm so sorry, Joshamatic!

Long-Distance Extendable Ears by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: Fred is dead.

But that's just the beginning! Because one of George's ears is up in heaven, and the other is down on earth...

Oh, the possibilities!

Written for the Next Great Adventure challenge on the MNFF beta boards. I am Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff House.
Twice nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts Story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards!
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 02/11/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only

Heya Schmergo!

I wonder why I've never reviewed this? I've always loved this story! I actually read this before I really had a clue who you were!

The idea for this story is super clever! I congratulate you on that, Schmergo! I wonder what would've happened if George's ear had made it to heaven, but George was forced to bob up and down in a hallway for all eternity?

So, did I freakin' love this story, you ask? In your underwear drawer!

Oh, and I dropped you yet another stunning e-mail, Schmergotron! Enjoy!

Like Mad-Eye Moody on uppers,


Author's Response: Hey there, Joshskis! Thank you so much! This is actually my favorite story out of everything I've written (even the non-Potter related stuff), so I love getting reviews for it! As for if George was forced to bob up and down in a hallway... I have a feeling Fred would speak into the disembodied ear and tell George that he was being an idiot and that he had to fly THROUGH the window, metaphorically speaking. Though since George was pretty old by the time he died, he probably wouldn't see the corridor at Hogwarts as his 'stairway to heaven'... it'd probably be somethin' equally metaphorical, though. I have read your email, and plan on getting back to you quite soon... getting emails really means a lot to me, it's just rather difficult to actually write them, especially if the content of the one I'm responding to is really meaningful.

Potter's Pentagon: The Truth (Book Two) by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: This is book two in the "Potter's Pentagon" trilogy. Read "Potter's Pentagon: The Five" first, myesss? Cool.

WARNING: This story contains French people, an internal monologue about a blue orange, adolescent facial hair, good old-fashioned snogging, superstitious truck drivers, a portrait who calls everyone "Mavis," a zoo break-in, some very strange clothes, romantic conflict galore, and Ron Weasley's caffeine addiction. And worst of all, Professor Zabini!

Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament, and when one of the members of Potter's Pentagon is selected to represent the school, much excitement ensues. Simultaneously, elections are being held for Minister of Magic, and things are getting busy at the Ministry.

Not to mention the fact that Jordan's made a new Muggle friend without informing her of the itty-bitty fact that he's magical, Haley has found an enchanted diary of dubious origin, Ted's met a werewolf from Beauxbatons, and Emma... well, Emma's not having a good year.

And what exactly is Ivy up to, anyway?

Everyone has secrets. But in the end, the truth will have to come out.

Starring Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character Nominees Ivy Potter, Emma Weasley, Haley Potter, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards!
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 07/09/08 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13: In Which Lee Comes To Light

Hello, Schmergo

Alas, my review-referencing review will have to wait. I shall write it when the third Potter's Pentagon is posted.

I believe I have reviewed this story before, but 1 review does not do justice to the awesomeatastical-ness that is Potter's Pentagon.

"When at last their waving subsided, they felt curiously empty, as though they’d just finished reading a good book that they hadn’t wanted to end, or that they’d left a party when they still felt like dancing." Yeah, I can relate to the book part.

When is ''The Past'' gonna be up? I can't wait much longer...If it isn't posted soon, i might spontaneously combust! Oh yeah, what is Telemency?

All 258 of my multiple personalities thank you for being an awesome author! As for Foaly...he's simply amazing. I love tin-foil hats!

Random quote of the day: "there are 10 types of people in the world...those who understand binary, and those who don't"- my Bio

post Book 3 Soon!!!


Author's Response: Humorously enough, I submitted the third book less than a minute before receiving this review! Cross your fingers that it\'ll be accepted! As for Telemency, that\'s supposed to be a mystery! It\'s a major plot point of the third book, so good on you for spotting it. Whoa, 258 personalities? That\'s more than half of my subscribers! That explains a lot, actually... AND I LOVE THAT BINARY QUOTE! My friend has a t-shirt that says it. Right now, I\'m wearing a shirt that says \"PANTS.\" I like messing with people\'s heads!

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13: In Which Lee Comes To Light

This story is amazing!!!!!!! (sorry about the punctuation) My favorite OC is Jordan. Because he is awesome. My least-favorite OC is...(Drumroll) Ivy! Sorry Ivy. You're just not as awesome. As for the one I relate to the most...some sort of Jordan-Ted hybrid thing. PLEASE ADD BOOK SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See above note about punctuation.

P.S.-who is your favorite/least favorite OC? Who do you relate to the most? Why ask these questions when I could probably read the reviews and find out? I'm lazy.


Author's Response: Thank you so much! And yeah, I actually totally agree with you-- Jordan is my favourite and my least favourite is Ivy! I always thought I was a Jordan/Haley hybrid, but when I started writing \"Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums,\" which is from Emma\'s perspective, I started to realize that Emma and I have some things in common, as well.

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 07/11/08 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13: In Which Lee Comes To Light

Salutations, Schmergo

I was re-reading this story for about the 300th time(I know, I'm obsessed), and I spotted something slightly confusing...When Harry is scolding Haley for writing in L.E.E (whose identity completely surprised me; I was expecting Lee Jordan), he says:

“Haley! I can’t believe you! Did you even listen to your mother and me when we told you not to trust things that can think for themselves if you can’t see where they keep your brains? Don’t you realize how dangerous that is?”

Not to trust things when you can't see where they keep YOUR brains? This is where the confusion began. Is this a mistake or is Harry referring to the fact that when Ginny wrote in the diary(not L.E.E, Riddle), riddle was slowly draining her life force, often possessing her and forcing her to do things that later she could not recall and, in essence, KEEPING HER BRAIN.

I think too much :)

If you would clear this up, 257 of my personalities would be extremely grateful; the other one mostly just sits in my head, telling me "BRING ME A TACO!!!!!" ...He's crazy.

Oh, and speaking of us, what did u mean when you said "Whoa, 258 personalities? That explains a lot actually..." Hmmmmmmmmm? HMMMMMMM?!?

Sorry. That was my angry/paranoid personality. How he gained control of the keyboard i do not know...

Random Quote of the Day-"Dear God," someone said quietly, "Its a Musical."-Ptolemy's Gate (This was said when Makapiece announced his release of "From Wapping to Westminster," Although the quote is paraphrased a bit, as my "friend" borrowed the book during school and, despite my protests, kept it over the summer. Needless to say, I'm angry.)


Author's Response: Josh! Hey, did you get my email, or did your spaaam blocker delete it? Anyway, yes, that\'s a typo-- a couple of other reviewers pointed that out, too, but I\'m wayyy too lazy to go back and edit that. But I\'ll pretend your very thoughtful analysis was really what I was thinkng of. ^_^ Anyway, I said \"That explains a lot, actually,\" meaning that I was surprised that I have 459 subscribing readers, and if 258 of them were you, that would explain why. I LOVE THE BARTIMAEUS TRILOGY, and I love that quote. I always thought it\'d be funny if they made a Bartimaeus Trilogy musical (musical theatre is my second love after writing), and when the opening number starts, someone would yell that. But yeah, I\'m strange.

Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: A companion piece to the Potter's Pentagon trilogy... it's better if you've read the Potter's Pentagon trilogy, but you don't necessarily have to.

It's five years after Emma Weasley and her chums graduated from Hogwarts. Ted and Ivy are married, Haley is working at Madame Puddifoot's while trying desperately to break into show business, Jordan's doing whatever it is he does, and Emma is an Auror trainee working as a guard at the Chudley Cannons' stadium. The Cannons have actually been doing much better lately, due to their new star Beater, Tyrone Thomas. Unfortunately, Tyrone is Emma's ex-boyfriend. OH, THE AWKWARDNESS.

Follow Emma through her awkward adventures told in her usual insane way, as she experiences angst, hilarity, obnoxiously strange people, misadventures involving a deceptively dashing cad, Haley's wedding, the birth of Ted and Ivy's baby, and her own eventual descent into LURRRVE.

Written for the marvellous Vindictus Viridian's Pride and Prejudice NEWTs class on the Fanfiction Beta Boards, based on Jane Austen's fantastic novel, "Pride and Prejudice.".

Nominated in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance Story! And its lovely (haha) heroine, Emma Weasley, received two nominations for Best Female Original Character, while Haley Potter and Ivy Potter each received one! Thanks so much, guys!
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 07/11/08 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5: Abandoning Pregnant Wives-- A Fun Lupin Family Tradition

Greetings Schmergo

I did, in fact, get your e-mail. The question is, did you get mine? o_O

I just realized something. Emma can be a real BILLIARD CUE. Why the NIFLHEIM is my keyboard doing that? More importantly, why would Emma say those things to a PREGNANT friend who just got abandoned by the one she loved (i.e. Tedward) It just...seems wrong. Not for Emma, of course.

Patrick Wormwood's last name fits him...He's creepier than my emo/stalker personality.

Random Quote of the Day: " Okay, I'll go down there. But if i see a little red man holding a pitchfork, I'm outta there."- Marco, The Invasion (Animorphs Book 1, for those who don't know)


Author's Response: It\'s the Joshmeister again! Yeah, Emma can be a billiard cue indeed. The truth is, she is very insecure about a lot of things, and as much as she liked to make fun of Ted and IVy\'s mushiness, behind her cynical sarcastic-ness, there\'s a little hint of a romantic who saw Ted and Ivy as the couple that DIDN\"T mess everything up, unlike her and Tyrone. So when Ivy let Ted go, Emma was really mad at her, because it made her think about breaking up with Tyrone all over again. It sounds crazy, but that\'s how Emma\'s mind works. Yeah, she\'s a nutter.

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 08/16/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue: Me, Me, and Also Meeee

Ish, Schmergo

“What about that vampire that tried to kill me in the alleyway last year?”


Was his name also edward? This part, in my opinion, was amazing-ish. I almost killed myself on my spinny computer chair when I read this. I wonder if insurance covers laughter-caused injuries...

Oh, your theory about twilight was, is, and always will be the best-ish thing I have read about that book(s). I have read most of the series as well, and death would be an improvement over Edward for Bella...but at least he has Jacob!

I see you gave Tyrone a song. I guess the only word I could use to describe it is...ish. You had to have seen that coming.

Enjoying the fact that my mind is a dank, lonely cave of shadow and darkness,


P.S.... ISH!

Author's Response: Hey, Josh! Hahaha, are you going to start using the word 'ish' now? It might annoy people even more than Niflheim! So glad you liked the Twilight gags... I posted a horrific story on the website that's linked to my profile called "An Epilogue To Breaking Dawn" that my sister and I wrote. Basically, Jacob is married to a guy named John Willoughby from "Sense and Sensibility" (though Jacob thinks that Willoughby is a girl, despite the fact that they've been married for fourteen years) and Jacob is obsessed with eating babies and only pays for things with baby corpses. It is the most disgusting, terrible story ever, so naturally I'm planning on posting it in the Twilight section on fanfiction dot net in the next couple of days.

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 08/17/08 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6: He Followed Me Home, But I Don't Want To Keep Him

Its the magical Leoplurodon, Schmergo

Forgot to mention in the last review, Schmergo, that the Charlie the Unicorn reference was hilarious. I like the first one better (CANDY MOUNTAIN, CHARLIE!), but the second one is still great!

Swim away, Fuga Fish, Swim away,


Author's Response: Mwaahahaha, this is why I love getting reviews. I feel like my review page is one big happy family or something... Anyway! Yeah, I liked the first one better, too, but I liked the banana song from the second one better than the Candy Mountain Cave song in the first one. By the way, do you know what fugu fish actually are? They're, like, Japanese blowfish with an intensely, intensely, intensely poisonous liver and ovaries, so if you eat them, you die. People pay ridiculously vast sums of money to get them properly cooked and prepared so that they don't die from eating them. Yep.

Kill Bill (And Arthur) by Schmerg_The_Impaler, Nevilles Girl

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: It is a blustery day in Hogsmeade, and Arthur and Bill Weasley are minding their own business. That is, until they each receive letters instructing them to mind each other's business in a most intrusive and rather final sort of way.

But this is not just about Arthur and Bill. They happen to be a small part of a much bigger, much more ambitious scheme that they know nothing about, run by a frighteningly powerful organization. What exactly is going on, and what exactly will Arthur and Bill do?

Written as an entry for the Gauntlet, by Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff house (most of the Bill bits) and Neville's Girl of Slytherin house (most of the Arthur bits). Probably the strangest thing either of us has ever written.
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 07/09/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only

Hello again, Schmergo

Don't feel bad that you didn't know; i just found out yesterday! Eoin took forever writing it...but i guess that means its gonna be good! I'm a tiny bit obsessed; i read and write gnommish fluently(although i have a hard time spelling it in English) All credit goes to the Artemis Fowl Files!

So this isn't a spam-filled review (although i love canned spam) great job on the story! Seeing as the story is full of fanfic references, mabye i should write a review full of references to other reviews...Meh, mabye nex time...

Yes, ironically, the above remark in parenthesis is spam, as is this.

-Joshenstein-(See? I've already started! Thanks, Ankh!)

Author's Response: How come SO MANY of my reviewers are so incredibly cool? It seems like almost everyone who reviews my stories is a fun, interesting person. This is why I love MNFF!

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 07/08/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only

Hello, Schmergo! I loved this story. Especially the part about the electric eels! Oh, and Charlton (mainly his cloak) Bartholomew...if I were trying to act tough and scare people, I wouldn't tell them my alias is "Neville's Girl" That has to be really embarrassing for Neville...This story was completely and absolutely amazing! Thank you, and thank Luna as well!

Oh, and speaking of amazing books(stories, etc.), the next Artemis Fowl book (The Time Paradox) comes out in a Week! I can't wait. I miss Root, though...


Author's Response: Hello there! I\'m glad you liked the eels and Charlton\'s cloak, as they were MY invention, mwahahaha! Luna, however, invented both Bartholomew AND the names for Charlton and Bartholomew, for which I am forever in her debt. HOLY FLIPPIGEEZERS, BATMAN! Artemis Fowl comes out in a week? You\'re kidding me; I had no idea. I was just ranting yesterday about how a new Artemis Fowl hasn\'t come out in ages... I\'m a very bad Artemis Fowl fan not to know this. I miss Root, too, but on the bright side, at least there\'s Foaly! (Love that guy/centaur/what have you.)

Potter's Pentagon: The Past (Book Three) by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: The final installment in the Potter’s Pentagon Trilogy. Read “The Five” and “The Truth” first, myess? Okay!

WARNING! Contains Muggle adventures in Diagon Alley, unusual eyebrows, cheesy clichés galore, psycho Ted, the not-so-lost years of Merlin, a school-wide singalong, the old potato joke, Tyrone’s Princess Bride obsession, Emma’s stubborn denial of the existence of Tyrone’s mustache, a graphic death, a joke shop product as a major plot device, hobo Jordan, Jordan hugging, Jordan pulling pranks, time travel, the Love Shack, angst, and worst of all, Professor Zabini.

It’s the sixth year for Potter’s Pentagon and company, and our heroes learn that in the wizarding world, coming of age has a somewhat weightier significance. Students are busy with an Inter-House Unity Project, Jordan is having weird dreams, Pansy and Ophidias Malfoy have been released from Azkaban, Professor Zabini has a mysterious project of his own, and almost everyone is acting strangely. Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic, a man with a vendetta against Ron Weasley is trying his hardest to get him in the biggest trouble possible. Is the only way to save him to travel into the past?

New talents are discovered, new friendships form and old ones change, pasts are dredged up, and, of course, there’s lots of good old-fashioned snogging. And one of the five kills for the first time… while another becomes a casualty of war.

Starring 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, Emma Weasley, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for 2008 Quicksilver Quills Best Post-Hogwarts Story.
Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 01/28/10 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter : In Which Jordan is Unnecessarily Dramatic


Sorry I haven't reviewed in a few days. I got caught up trying to catch up from being absent from school for a week (long story) and when I did read, I kinda got all excited and caught up in your story, which I've never actually got to read even close to all the way through. So, I ended up reading a whole bunch of chapters and have decided to just give you a scrunched-up review!

So! I finally get to know what Telemency is! I'M EXCITED! *does a very bad 'excited' dance* I had really wondered about that for a while, and now I know! I do has a question, though. How was Voldy able to send Harry that image of Sirius being tortured in the Department of Mysteries if it's impossible to transfer visions wothout Telemency? That confused me, so I would be super happy if you cleared up mah mass o' confuzzliness!

I. Love. Anatoly. Capshaw. He's freaking awesome. He reminds me a lot of myself, actually. Long hair (minus the curls), not the most well-liked guy around, and the whole smart-but-doesn't-really-care-anymore attitude. Fits me pretty well! Probably why I lieks the character so much! Anyways, when I was younger, I also tried to make up for a sad lack of friends by being smart and working hard. Luckily, I did eventually make some friends, and lightened up a bit. And now I'm the crazy guy ya know! Woohoo for Joshistory!

I totally did not see it coming that Jordan was a Seer. I thought it was something Harry's-Scar-related or something. I must admit, it is quite awesome! It's also cool that Jordan and Haley are heirs to Merlin and Gryffindor respectively. I am kinda SLIGHTLY DYING to know what happens next! Ahhhhh!

But, before I dive back in, I was wodering if I could ask you something, Schmergo...

I've started writing my own OF. I don't really have any way to get any sorta feedback on it....I was wondering if, when I get the chance, I could send it to you and get your opinion on it so far. Don't worry, it's only the prologue and first chapter I'm sending you, and you don't have to edit it or beta it or anything.....I'd just really like an opinion on it from an awesome writer like yourself. I'm kinda self-concious when it comes to my writing, and I have no clue if it's any good or not...I'd supah appreciate it! I know how busy you are.

Anyways, thanks for being awesome and writing awesome stuff and just general awesomeness!

Let's DANCE!


Author's Response: JOSH JOSH JOSH MCJOSH, how delightful and splendid to see you again! Anyway, that is an extraordinarily clever question, but I never saw those as related-- Voldemort was taking advantage of the connection that he and Harry have due to the whole Horcrux-scar-thing, and Jordan wants to be able to replicate that connection without stickin' bits of his soul in people's bodies, savvy? Wow, I nevvvver make these things clear in my stories, do I?

You know, Josh, I was kinda excited for you to meet Ani, because you have ALWAYS reminded me of him in the rather delightfully odd way you tend to word things. I'm glad you like him! But yeah, there is a bit of me in all of my characters-- they're my Horcruxes, I guess, bwahahaha-- and yeah, there is definitely some Schmergy backstory there in the vein of Anatoly. But unlike him, I've always had a really splendiferous best friend, so I didn't get the chance to grow QUITE as bitter and twisted as this young man, fwarfwarfwarrr.

I would be THRILLED and honored to read your story! It might take awhile because I'm stupidly busy, but I will definitely do it! I just wanted to tell you, getting your reviews always brightens my day a million and six times. You're a little ray o' sunshine, ya hear! *Jams out like whoa*

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 01/28/10 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18: In Which Jordan Sits and Sulks... So What Else Is New?


Sorry for reviewing again so soon, but I've had a thought that I wanted to put into this review-box-thing!

Anatoly and Arthur. Arthur's a muggle. Anatoly's muggle-born. Both of them have curly blonde hair. Coincidence? Perhaps! But maybe not! I'm actually not sure! But maybe Capshaw is of Arthurian descent? Just a theory!

And thanks, I suppose I quite enjoy being a ray of sunshine, even if it means I'm several million degrees fahrenheit in my core.

It's sad about Jor-Jums and quidditch...although Haley has got to be my favorite commentator evah!

And I can't ever thank you enough for wanting to read my story! I'll get it to you as soon as I can, and you can take all of the time in the world to read it. I hope you like it!

Delightfully yet oddly phrasing things,


Author's Response: OoooooOOoooOOooooOoooooh! That is the most fascinating theory I've ever heard. Believe it or not, the thought has never actually come to my mind... but because you brought it up, I'm going to unofficially make it so. It will never be brought up in the story, but in my mind from now on, Anatoly will always be a descendent of Arthur. I LOVE it!

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 01/29/10 Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26: In Which Loose Ends Are Tied Up

Schmergosaurus Rex!

At last! I am caught up with this story! All 26 awesome chapters. Woohoo!

I totally love what you have here, Schmergo! I know you're doing another chapter and an epilogue, so now I'm very large quantities of curious to see what happens next. I also liked your take on the final battle. It was definitely a unique idea, and it was really really cool!

Now, for my Potter's Pentagon 'ship list!

Jordan/Giordan most definitely!
Anatoly/Haley awesomeness as well!
Heather/Carlos of course!
Ivy/Ted as always!
Emma/Tyrone as if we all didn't see that one coming!


Haley/Rookwood! They have so much in common! I mean, they're both so BOUNCY!

Ah, gods, smite me for that awful pun....even if it was fairly punny.



Author's Response: Dear Josh-o-dactyl! (Yes, this entire response is addressed to your fingers and toes.) I am utterly stunned to bits that you managed to read this whole thing in such a tremendously short period of time. Thank you so much for your reviews and for wasting so much of your time on my stories! And I am VERY pleased that you liked the Final Battle, too! As for Haley/Rookwood... well, I couldn't agree more, let me tell you!

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 01/21/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Has A Bad Experience With A Hobo


I. Am. Back.

You better be squeeing right now! *pokes*

Haha, wow. It certainly has been a while since I've posted a review. You realize we were both fifteen when I started reading(and posting abundantly weird reviews of) your stories? I'm starting to feel rather nostalgic! For some reason, quantum zombies keep popping up in my faceheadbrain. Is that healthy?

Anyways, as it's been well over a year since I've had internet on an actual computer(on a cell phone right now) I decided to re-read through your last Potter's Pentagon book, as I only got up to somewhere roundabouts chapter 7, and re-review it all!

Yes, I know, I'm excited too! ;]

Well, chapter one was, as I remember it, seriously awesomeatastical! I am glad my memory did not fail me :] Super awesome thing ya got going here, yo! *makes wild flailing-like gestures with arms and hands in a sad attempt to be "cooool"*

I can't wait to re-read chapter two next, but, as it is four in the morning and I have to get up in two hours for school, I shall hold off on that. Expect to see more random, Joshish© reviews!(Joshish© is my own copyrighted adjective! Muhwhahaha for me!)

By the way, on a side note, I missed ya


Author's Response: JOSH JOSH JOSH JOOOOOSHHH! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA! Wow, it has been far too long. And... I just realized I posted my first story here when I was thirteen. I feel old and decrepit now, dude! Thanks for that! Okay, I've missed seing your charmingly wacky words on my computer screen... and I do look forward to more tasty reviews!

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 07/19/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Has A Bad Experience With A Hobo

Hello, Schmergo

Okay, I suppose Nathaniel was a little annoying, but I think that this was only a minor flaw of character. The main problem was the fact that he wouldn't do anything that didn't benefit him or his job and standing directly. He was...extremely blinded by ambition.

Now, onto your story. I have a question. How many years ahead was the dream/prophecy? Jordan just guesses. If it is about ten years, haley looking 33 when she's 26 isn't a good thing...Of course, she also looks 13, which also would cause problems when your 26...I can imagine haley trying to get into an actress-y nightclub thing, and them not letting her in because they think shes too young...I'm sorry, haley, but that would be funny!

I shall tell my parents they picked a good name! I like it, which is a good thing. I'm sure your real name is great! At least your not named Charybdis...Your not, are you? That would be bad for me since i just said that...

May Moostafwa watch over and protect your every hamburger,


Author's Response: The dream was supposed to be ten years in the future- I was just saying that Haley's one of those people who will always be ageless because she has a really boyish sort of figure that makes it hard to determine how old she is. But the idea of her not being able to get into a nightclub is really funny... like, if she was going to perform somewhere and they wouldn't let her in 'cos they wouldn't believe her. YES, MY NAME IS CHARYBDIS, SHUT UP. (No, I'm kidding.) Thanks for the lovely words of encouragement.

Excuse me, I believe his name is *Moostawfuh*? It's okay... that's just a name I use for a lot of things. I'm impressed you remembered, actually.

Reviewer: House-Elves Anonymous Signed
Date: 08/21/08 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5: In Which Professor Zabini Hatches A Diabolical Plan

A multi-lingual greeting to you, Schmergo

I'll keep the rest of the review in english, that way people can read it!

Anatoly is awesome!...(ish) A great plan, although sadly not potato-related. If it had been, I think Zabini would be a tiny bit more angry...(by tiny, i mean BBBLLLLLLLLOOOOARNBB

Aw, poor Tedward...But I know what was wrong with him! IT WAS THE SILVER, WASN'T IT?!?! Me feel so clever! Unless, of course, I'm wrong. Then I would feel a tiny bit stupid.(By tiny, I mean...I think you know.)

Cecilia Longbottom's parents aren't all there? I suppose you mean Neville/Luna, right? What happened? Am I forgetting something?

Poor Blenkinsopp, uh, Emma...(I have a feeling that bad things are going to happen to him...Run, slug boy, RUN!!!)

MERLIN'S...um...VARIOUS INTERNAL ORGANS!!! Merlin was a Jordan! He was still in school! AWESOME!

Filling with a sudden desire to kick someone in the teeth, or maybe another target considerably lower,


P.S. Not Really...maybe

Author's Response: DUDE, IT'S THE JOSH! IIIIIT'S THE JOOOOOSH! YEAAAAH! Okay, sorry about that. I'm really hyper, having bought a chocolate-filled chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting at my school bake sale. Interesting fact: I don't actually like chocolate.

Glad you like Anatoly. I love him-- he wasn't initially in the Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums story, but I put him in because I loved him so much. In a lot of ways, he's what I wish I could be (snarking off at everyone, including teachers, and not even caring at all), and in a lot of ways, he's what I'm GLAD I'm not (no friends, totally contemptuous of everyone.)

Don't you worry, the potato thing will DEFINITELY come back. With a vengeance. But yeah, the silver was indeed part of it... but ONLY PART of it. Yeah, I'm so cool and mysterious.

Cecilia's parents are absentminded. You know, Neville's forgetful and Luna's loony. But in case you missed this (and this is not what Jordan meant by them not being all there), Neville was paralyzed in the Final Battle and Luna was blinded. THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT.

Yep! Merlin was indeed 'a Jordan'-- they had a lot in common, but... they also had a lot of differences. You'll see more of Merlin later in the story, that's all I'm gonna say.