I am 32 and Cheshlin is my twin sister. I work as a Pediatric nurse. I have been writing free form poetry since I was 16 and am now working on stories and poetry here. I have also taken to photography. Check out my pictures at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cwiddy/!!
This is a great little poem, that decribes what many feel when they look in the mirror. The power of simplicity!
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'m glad you liked it, even if it WAS short. . . . ^^;
Nice use of the quatrain format of a poem. Your rhymes are beautiful and the rhythm of this poem flows. Nice work!
Author's Response: Thanks!
The whole world has gone crazy, tipped on its side, changes happening so quickly that Harry can’t keep track of them all. He isn’t at the centre of it anymore – he’s drifting peacefully somewhere on the very outer rim, and he likes it this way, and he never wants to go back.
He has a dream one night. Soft hands lift him out of his bed. He opens his eyes and their faces are like maps of a country he’s never been to but has always wanted to go. They say they’ll take him to a place where all he has to is breathe.
He says okay.
After Voldemort's defeat, Harry struggles to come to terms with love, death, and the end of innocence. One-shot. Rated for very, very mild sexual implications.
This is a wonderful story that shows the struggles...almost of Post traumatic stress disorder. I love the way the reader can see the subtle transformation through the seasons as Harry struggles with in himself to find joy in living, to stop worrying about his safety and that of those he loves. Great word choices and emphasis on the major points of each section.
This is a well written poem and I love the visuals of Remus and Tonk's love. I can see her wanting to join him, but I'm not so sure she would give up that easily...their son was at home waiting for her...and a mother's love is stronger then that I think. Nice poem!
Wow, this really gets to the heart of funerals and teenage love. This summarizes Cedric and Cho's relationship very well. One suggestion I would make is to try to get a bit more description into your writing. It will make it even more alive.
Author's Response: Thanks! I will definitely work on adding more detail, you\'re right it really does help a person\'s writing =]
This is an interesting take on Sirius's first couple days at Hogwarts. I do think that the first years wouldn't have been quite so all knowing about things...such as what house they would go in, how the sorting was done, where the kitchens were and what not...I have to admit I always saw them finding the secrets out for themselves...with each other, of the secrets adding to their bonds of friendship.
I do have to admit that points of view on issues out of the way, this is well written.
This is a very well written story that catches the imagination. I do have to say that I have a few critiques of it. First, Charlie's family is basically Muggle...even if her mother was a witch, she would not have been allowed to go to Hogwarts that year because of being a half-blood...especially since she had been raised as a Muggle. The Death Eaters had already taken over the school and the Department of Magic enough to try to take the wands from all half-bloods and Muggle-borns.
I'm not so sure that she would know Hogwarts that little, too. She got lost way too easily to have been there the entire year. Yes, things were a bit bad at Hogwarts because of the Carrows, but the students stood beside each other and if things had gotten that bad and miserable for Charlie, I'm sure her mother would have kept her home after Christmas, or at latest Easter break. The students had even more reason to learn the secret passages, but again, especially as a 1st year half-blood witch, her life would have been in danger long before this point of the story.
Your description of her fear, dying, encounter with the Death Eater, and uncertainty about the battle were good and it was a good plot line...although I think it would have been more realistic for her to have been at least a second year because of the limitations that started just prior to that year determined by the Death Eaters.
All considered this was a great story and good job!
Wow, the power of this story fills the reader...only because of the truths that are hidden within. Are there ever true heros? History if written by the winners...and the heros are always from the winners side. How would the story be written if the other side told the story? Mix those versions of the truth and maybe you'd be close to what really happened. This was an interesting read and an interesting point of view. :)
Tom Riddle has learned the truth about his past. He doesn't like it. He's about to change it.I am leahsm2 of Slytherin and this is my entry for the Horcrux Portion of the 2008 Summer Challenge.
I came in second in a two horse race, but both horses were strong, in my opinion, so I am thrilled!
This is also my Final for Colores' Newt Level Advanced Rhetoric and Style Class for Summer Term, 2008.
Very well written story and it seems so real! I like the rhetorical additions (you can see my assignment threads in our class once I have time to review this again and have time to post it!). :)
Author's Response: Thanks, Chris! I'll be reviewing your soonest, as I skimmed it quickly!
I have to say that this was a very well written story and that it was very imaginative and connected things in great ways. Congratulations on winning the gauntlet and it was well deserved!
Hi Sis! here to offer up a review. :)
I sit here watching the world pass by,
Things are perpetually changing.
As contemplations escape with a sigh,
My thoughts are constantly exchanging.
This is a very good start. I like the rhyming and I like the ideas presented. they catch the imagination, makes the reader want to read more and see what the person is thinking about. I do think that the flow is a bit off...very broken up/staggato in nature.
Spring comes with a rush,
Winter fades with the grey.
Love causes many a blush,
As April fades into May.
Here the thoughts from the previous stanza are left behind, blurring with the seasons. I like this in a way because it helps emphasize the passing of time and the speed at which it sometimes seems to happen...but I do kinda wish that more about the thoughts of the person in the first stanza were explained.
I watch my daughter grow,
Her heart and mind expanding.
Her size could never begin to show,
What her soul is now demanding.
Here comes the thoughts and I love this...but perhaps this stanza should come before the second? Just a thought as I was expecting something more like this after the first. The flow of this stanza is great and keeps the reader going. Much more fluid the the first stanza
Now I move with the world around me,
Trying to keep up with the bedlam.
Thoughts and visions help me see,
My world is much of who I am.
I guess I got a bit lost here, not sure what bedlam means, perhaps more explaination...more stanzas? is needed to explain what thoughts and visions the person is having...what does this have to do with her daughter discussed earlier? How does this all tie into the world and who this woman/young lady is?
Overall a very well written, great rhyme scheme, and good thoughts and ideas throughout this poem...I just think that perhaps there are gaps that need filled, some incomplete ideas that need to be expanded upon.
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this. I'll look at some of your suggestions to see what I can do with them! thanks for the review, sis!
I'd like to start by saying really great idea for a sonnet! I like how you show Hermione's frustration, her hurt feelings when Ron left her and Harry. I also like how in the end a bit of humor creeps in.
I do have to say that there are a few areas that just don't seem to flow well to me.
I loved the first line. It sets up the poem. Acknowledging the vow Hermione and Ron made to Harry. The next line took a minute for me to define to myself who "He" was. Saying Harry's name there would help with that instead of being so vague.
"It's harder without the help you could lend" This line just seems a bit ackward. I know you need a rhyme for end, but perhaps re-wording this a bit would help with the flow? It just seems really broken up, stagato.
In the second stanza I like how you go into Hermione's feelings for Ron. In the second line to me rearranging it around a bit to "I thought it was obvious, but now I guess not" would flow a little bit better then starting with the harsh B at the beginning.
The last 2 lines here are just a bit disconnected, they just don't seem to totally share an idea. mentioning how it feel so wrong for him to be gone would flow better but I'm not totally sure how to word it.
I like how in the 3rd stanza she gets back on track with her current life, how she needs to be there for Harry and try not to think about Ron being gone.
I don't like the line where she says "I will never follow you" To me that just isn't quite in character. Perhaps something less harsh like "I can't follow you right now, it would be wrong." would be more in character because if Harry's need of support and her help was not more important, I think she would have followed Ron, but the world they lived in was at stake, so at that moment she couldn't, but otherwise I'm not so sure she wouldn't have followed him. "I love you, but this is where I NEED to be" might be more accurate.
I love the ending. It sums up the poem quite well and adds in a bit of humor in that time of toil and stress. Humor can be a God send in those most stressful moments and helps cope with them.
Author's Response: Cwiddy, thank you! I love the criticism and I agree! I'm glad you liked the poem. I'll take your advise and look it over; again thanks I appreciate it! ~Lexi~
First I have to say, well done! This is a very imaginative piece of work and it really seems to touch at real life issues. I love some of the side effects that you thought to include...and how witches aren't immune to feeling the clock tick and the side effects of pregnancy.
I did notice a few grammatical errors throughout this, and few misspelled words. You may just want to find someone to do a quick read through for you and see if they can see some of the mistakes you've missed! I know that when I write I see things how I meant them to be sometimes, not how they actually are written. :)
I do have to say that I find some of the characterization a bit off, especially of Neville. He is clumsy and I could easily see him racing out the gate and running into Hannah like that. I do think that he could be a bit blind to her needs sometimes, and how his business at Hogwarts that would have kept him busy some nights could be misconstrued and misinterpreted by Hannah to be lack of interest in her. I think he may have had a bigger reaction to finding out that Hannah was pregnant with his child. I think he'll be a wonderful father, very enthusiastic, and here I just find his reaction flat and out of character for him. I think he'd have had at least some shock before asking how long she's known. She may have wanted to take him somewhere else to break that news to him, too... Neville could even have fainted at the news from a mixture of shock and excitement...wanted to tell his friends/family about the news...maybe even have proposed right then and there. Just a few of the reactions that I could see coming from Neville.
I really do think this was well written over all and a great story that pulls us Muggle readers in because it is so like real life for us.
Author's Response: Thankyou so much for the review Cwiddy! I do know what you mean about Neville, but I was aiming for an older Neville than the one we know. After all, as Neville got older, he did get more confident and brave. He led the DA while Harry was away Horcrux hunting and it was he who killed Nagini. I like the idea of Neville proposing on the spot though... I am glad you liked the fic! Thankyou again for the review! Russia xxxxx
At the bottom of the lake
Where the sun doesn't shine,
Among the many weeds
And between the slime,
You can find... someone.
I have to start by saying that this is a very well written poem. Your rhyming is well done and the story you tell is a great mix of spooky and mystery.
The first 2 stanzas really stand out and it sets up the mystery that is yet to come. Theses stanzas are fun and whimsical, a nice contrast to later stanzas.
The 3rd stanza sets up the mystery that need needs to be solved, I do admit that the flow of the last line just doesn't flow well to my ear: "And between the slime," There just seems to be a word missing, perhaps give the slime a color? a one word description? That would add some icing that would help the flow here. The rhyme here of shine and slime also isn't exact, but they have similar sounds if in a bind.
The fourth stanza has good ideas and adds to the mystery that needs solved, but to me it seems awkward. maybe it is because to me a body is not someone, unless it is living. A body is what is left when the person (someone) has left it. If the ghost was still floating around there, maybe it would make more sense to my mind. So perhaps I'd feel better if you said "You can find...a body" Also underwater smell wouldn't permeate as it would in the air. It is not out in the open and our human noses wouldn't be able to detect that stench.
The 5th stanza offers more answers, and I like the ideas that are found there. Again, I find the wording a bit awkward. The flow seems broken (I guess you could have been trying for that...like the body). Not sure how a body can be patent, if its as decayed as described above...the body as a whole wouldn't still be patent, but the skeleton is.
The 6th stanza flows and asks great questions, again catching the readers attention. Who is this girl?
The last stanza answers all...but again it seems broken up with harsh sounds and lots off stagato... lots of "B" and "T" sounds.
This is an imaginative poem that tells a story and keeps the reader in suspense until the every end. While a few sections have an awkward broken up quality to my ear, that brokeness could add to the poem because it matches the brokeness of the body being described. Well done and well written.
really nice poem! Love the rhyme, form, and expression of her love.
Author's Response: thanks Sis! :) Glad that you enjoyed it. Haven't seen you on the boards in a while...you should visit. :) Cyns