What can I say. I'm a grown woman living in London but I'm obsessed with a teenage wizard and his friends. Am I mad? Probably Do I care? Hell no!
EDIT: Grown? Um, probably not
For my first foray into the realms of fanfiction I've chosen to write about the Marauders. I'll always stick fairly closely to canon as I think JK knows best. Although I've enjoyed reading about other ships I, personally, don't think I could write with conviction about Ginny/Crabbe or Hermione/Mclaggan relationships.
EDIT: ha ha ha ha ha - How I have changed! I'm now firmly in the rare-pair, SSP, and things that aren't quite conventional camp, although I still loves me some James/Lily.
My second chaptered fic (Apparently Asleep) has started a love affair with Tonks/Remus and confirmed my obsession for all things Sirius. *sigh*
I am indebted to Terri (mudbloodproud) for being a great beta and all round amazing person. If it hadn't been for her encouragement I would have thrown in the towel many months ago.
EDIT: I have made a lot of wonderful friends during my past three years on MNFF, including (in no particular order) Natalie, Kara, Hannah/Bob, Jess, Gina, Lea, Lori, Julia, Minna, Emmahhhh, and the fantabulous BB.
I hope Mugglenet and you enjoy reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Huge thank-you to my niece, Amanda, for being one of the first to catch the Harry Potter bug and nagging me into reading them.
I’ve written a variety of stories, so here is them arranged in categories. Some are cross- referenced. So a James/Lily may appear in Marauder or Canon Romance
A Second Chance
First Date Disaster
Flying, Fair Play and the Need for a Firm Hand
It Takes a Wolf to Prank a Dog
Learning to Fly
O.W.L.s, Quidditch and the Added Distraction of Sirius Black
Peace in Heaven
Ribbons, not Strings
Sixth Time's the Charm
Thank you for your time, Professor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Sum of the Whole
Who's That Girl?
Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express
'i'before 'e' (Percy/Audrey)
A Prize Above Rubies (Isla Black/Bob Hitchens)
Apparently Asleep (Remus/Tonks)
Birthday Girl (George/Angelina)
Bound in the Beating of Each Other’s Hearts (Narcissa/Lucius)
Coup de Foudre (Bill/Fleur)
Dancing Queen (James/Lily)
First Date Disaster (James/Lily)
Five weeks (Remus/Tonks)
Forces of Nature (Ron/Hermione)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
In The Stars (Draco/Astoria)
Key of the Door (Ron/Hermione)
Kissing the Joy as it Flies (Seamus/Lavender)
March Madness (James/Lily)
Not Quite Perfect (Bill/Fleur)
Sixth Time’s the Charm (James/Lily)
Snowball Fights (Teddy/Victoire)
Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part (Draco/Astoria)
You Dance Divinely (George/Angelina)
Non (or rather tweaked) Canon (apart from one story, these don’t break any canon.)
Better than Chocolate (Charlie/Tonks)
Heat of Life (Harry/Katie)
Her Tomorrows (Harry/Parvati)
Lavender, blue- A Gryffindor True (Lavender/Blaise)
Love At First Strike (Angelina/Terry)
Orphans of the Storm (Seamus/Parvati/Dean)
Passion Among the Primroses (Arthur/Mafalda)
Predictions of Love (Gilderoy/Sybil)
Ribbons, not Strings (Remus/Rosmerta)
Stars or Carousels (James/Dominique)
Summer’s Heat (Sirius/OC)
Teenage Witch (Charity/Myron Wagtail )
The Happy Couple (Harry/Ginny, Blaise/Lavender)
The Only One (Lavender/Blaise Teddy/Victoire)
The Untrodden Path (Draco/Hannah)
Where We Started From (Dean/Ginny)
Same sex Pairings
Apple-bobbing ( Lisa/Susan)
Close Your Eyes (Hermione/Lavender)
Drowning, not Waving (Oliver/Cedric)
Eyes That Know Me (Scorpius/Hugo)
Forbidden Colours (Tracey/Demelza)
The Dance We Do (Bellatrix/Amelia)
The Hat that Thinks it’s a Chair (Justin/Theo)
Truth Or Dare (Cormac/Zacharias)
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
Lockhart, Sprout and Two Smoking Goblets
Passion Among the Primroses
Predictions of Love
The Bacchus Book
Vampire - Ghost Child!
A Prize Above Rubies
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
An Outstretched Hand
Others (General, D/A, Post Hogwarts, Next Gen)
A Tangled Web (D/A)
All in the Genes (NG)
Chasing the Scoop! (Post Hogwarts)
Christmas on the Outside (General/Trio era)
Dean Thomas and the Reiver Curse (Post Hogwarts)
Diavol (Remus Trio Era)
Every Breath You Take (Post Hogwarts/Next Gen)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
Friends in Unlikely Places (Post Hog. Hermione)
Growing Old Disgracefully (Post Hog)
Lavender, blue (Trio Era)
Mere Wisps of Light (Post Hog. Draco fic)
Muggles, Magic and Misconceptions (Next Gen)
My Funny Valentine (Post Hogwarts)
Staring into the Fire (Trio Era)
The Waiting Game (D/A)
Whispers from the Past (Next Gen)
The Foolhardy Boys and Parvati, too
Who’s that Girl?
As They Watch
Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 1
Fairytale of Hogwarts
I Believed in Lily Evans
Master Barty Regrets
Queen of My Heart
The Daydream Pedlar's Song
The Labyrinth Mind
I love the imagery in this, the way the apples change colours, the description of the crisp autumn day, and Remus' fear of the wolf, are all very nicely written. His isolation from the Muggle children is rather sad, and I did wonder why the Lupins didn;t know any other wizarding families, so Lupin could meet other children, but still you wrote his loneliness very well and I did feel my heart wrench a little.
I do have a pick with the story. It's daytime and he's watching the apples, then moves to the forest. He's bitten by Greyback there, but it's not night time and thus Greyback would not have been a fully transformed werewolf. You need to make it clearer in your story that it starts at dusk and he's out at moonrise.
The other thing you may wish to tweak is him going outside to transform. Whilst I, again, loved the description of the cold night, the full moon and the way this beauty was so discordant with the change happening in him, I don't think his parents would have sent him into the garden where he'd be a danger to anyone nearby. You could remedy this by adding a line to the effect that they cast several charms on the garden so he couldn't escape.
His transformation and that ferocious howl made me so sad for Remus, and you're right: he is now cursed for the rest of his life.
Interesting story ~Carole~
Summary: Remus Lupin reflects on his past as he faces an uncertain future after the death of a close mentor.
OOOH, this is so fabulous, Gina. I was a bit concerned that you were going to put up something merely to balance your stats *snort*, but I should have realised you'd never do that - hee hee.
Where shall I start. Your description is lush, the characterisation is spot on, and your choice of flashbacks was wonderful.
I really felt for Remus in all of them. I felt his sorrow, anguish, gratitude and his joy in his friends. It was adorable.
OH - Nitpick - in your end note - It's Keane not Keene - ha ha ha. Sorry, that's is so so so so miserly of me - hee hee.
Loved James thinking about Lily at the end and discussing marriage. It really helped see him as someone more responsible and the differences between the Marauders were laid out there.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks so much Carole. I can't believe you'd think that about me, lol! Not that I wouldn't, but no, not this time. I've got other fluffy stuff saved up for that. ;) Anyway - thanks so much for the compliments. I'm always an extra bit pleased when I can get a Marauder piece by you. ;) And I realized a few mistakes last nigh in bedt but you all got to them before I could edit, drat! All fixed now, thanks. And thanks again for the amazing review! ~Gina :)
Summary: “Your happily ever after will come, Hermione.” Dad whispered to me one night when I was a little girl. “One day, you will meet him and he will love you. You’ll see. You just need to be patient.”
I never thought it would happen until now.
This is a sweet story. I'm unfamiliar with the song, but the lyrics at the beginning beautifully segued into the story and I found myself reading them again once I'd finished the story.
First person is a difficult perspective to get right, but I think you've done a great job with Hermione here. She is a character who rather lends herself to the self-analysis and introspection that first person can bring, but through her eyes you also captured Ron rather well.
I noticed a few minor errors
They had invited me but I told them that I couldn’t get work off--which was true. - I think you mean 'couldn;t get time off work' or something similar.
In another place, you've misspelled 'Apparate' - typing 'Apperate'
I did pause a little at Ron saying he'd always liked Hermione since that first day on the train because I tend to think he disliked her rather a lot until the incident with the troll. In fact, their relationship is punctuated with bouts of them absolutely loathing each other. Whilst I agree that their rows could be a cover for true feelings, perhaps a line from Hermione laughingly telling him that they didn't get on for ages, wouldn;t have gone amiss.
I love the last paragraph. I adore the sentiments about marriage and happy ever afters.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Carole! I'm sure that there are a few more errors then the ones that you pointed out. If I ever get the time to go back and fix it, I'll do it. As for the Ron thing, I like to secretly believe that he liked her a litle bit from the start like James and Lily. But that's just me. :) Thank you for such a nice review! Cheers! ~MJ
Summary: Pansy Parkinson’s carefree world was toppled when she overheard her father’s murder and caught a glimpse of the killer. Forced into hiding by the Ministry, she is compelled to co-habitate with, of all the bloody people on the planet, Harry Potter. Can these two live together in cramped quarters without there being another murder, or can they find common ground that had eluded them since they last encountered one another?
OOOOH, interestinggggg. Jess, I am so enjoying this story. I know this was for an HP/PP fest which is actually a ship I think .... um ... let's be honest implausible and dumb (eeep), but you're making this plausible. Yeah, you really are. I love Pansy in this ... or rather I love her character. She's such a biyotch especially her snarky remarks about Millicent - ha ha ha. The exchange of clothes was great. I love how Harry really didn't seem to understand her attachment to female clothes - men! *rolls eyes*
One other thing - thank you for giving this a plot. Too many ships are just that - a ship with no rudder and thus no direction drifting with no breeze. Can I get any more metaphors in here? I think not.
Look forward to the rest and the smut version ... heh heh heh. ~Croll~
Well, my bread and butter is taking ships that shouldn't work and make it happen at least to an extent. I'm not sure if I could fully support this ship, but I do think it's a bit of good fun for Harry to be railed at by a snarky b!tch. Personally, I think he enjoys the feeling of being in charge. :)
Anyway, I'm rambling rather ineffectively, so I'll shut up and get back to writing, hehe. Ta for the read/review!
WHoaaaaa! ha ha ha - YES! Pansy gets her man. And I hate the biyotch - but this is so good and Harry deserves a little bit of ... hmm, I was going to say fun, but actually I mean pure sex and lust.
Brilliant story. This is so much fun. Oh, and I was giggling when she called Hermione a beaver - hee hee.
Best line - She had never experienced this brand of passion before: wanting to hate whilst hating to want.
It was *so* hard to edit down the smut. It was full of Pansy's snark that it was almost a shame to cull it down. However, for the sake of submission, I had to, even though it was some of the better smut I'd written. I might slap up the uncensored version on LJ so it isn't wasted. :)
Helllooooo. Noooo, I don;t want this to end. But actually, it makes sense that it did end there. This has been a joy to read. Pansy was lovely, (well a b1tch but a fab one) and Harry was very IC. Decent plot too. I am guessing you've been trawling SBBC so you'll know my views in real things in the Potterverse. I won;t elaborate, except to say that whilst I found the references amusing, I'm not sure it added much to the story. It did make me giggle though and as passing references (and not the basis for a fic) then I found this quite clever. /annoying peeve of Crolls.
Thank you for a great story. ~Carole~
The only reason I chucked the TV in there is because of where they were, it's far more likely that Harry could have a TV. Plus, since he was living there as almost an act of escape, it goes without saying that a brainless activity like TV would be something he would need. And as we both know, it's easy to get sucked into ST: TNG, lol. The references to parts of the show were meant to show that, while Pansy didn't enjoy the show, exactly, but she was watching it with him and had bonded with him over something. It was just a tiny nugget to further expand on what happened between the time they arrived and the time she left.
I think my favourite part of this last chapter was when Pansy was confronted by Runcorn and couldn't stop herself from vomiting out cliche lines while trying to give Harry the time to strike.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I was worried that culling the smut would damage the story, but it worked out after all. :D
OOOH, intriguing young, Jessica DiStrange. I like this and can't wait for the next chapter. You've managed to keep Pansy perfectly in character and yet also sympathetic. Good story, too. ~Croll~
Well, naturally, the smut that had been in this story will have to be edited out, as it's a bit too explicit for MNFF, but once we get past that point, I'll so slip you a copy of the original.
Summary: A poem about Draco's feelings about becoming a Death Eater; set during HBP.
This poem packs a punch. I have to admit that I'm a bit of a sucker for Draco redemption fics/poetry so am very pleased to have chanced on this today.
You've very cleverly tracked Draco's progression down the dark path that leads him to attempt to kill Dumbledore, and his emotions here come across as very real. There's a good flow to the poem and the early stanzas with the regular rhyming scheme work effortlessly. Having said that, I also liked the change into the choppier style of the latter part of the poem. It seemed indicitive of Draco's emotions at that point when he's crumbling.
I noticed a typo.
Thos eyes, filled with tears
I think you mean 'Those'.
Great poem, well done. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate the positive feedback. I'm very proud of this little gem of mine, and I'm so very glad that you enjoyed it. :)
Summary: After Lily leaves her Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L, she writes a poem to the person she thought was her best friend for life.
I like the sentiments in this poem. It must have been so hard for Lily to finally make the break from Severus and give up their friendship, and I think you’ve caught that very nicely in this letter-poem.
As a poem, though, I’m not sure it works the way it’s formatted. The line spacing is a little distracting and the line length doesn’t aid the flow of it as it’s read. I think it might have worked better as a prose poem, with all the lines together rather than a free verse with line breaks, because some lines are over long and syllable heavy.
There are one or two typing errors. It should be ‘disagreements’ not ‘dissagreements’ and you’ve typed ‘its’ when it should be ‘it’s’. I’d also change ‘alright’ to ‘all right’, but that is very much a personal preference.
There’s a real sense of how hard it was for Lily to say goodbye, so well done for capturing that. ~Carole~
Summary: Andromeda and Ted Tonks married nearly thirty years ago, against the wishes of Andromeda’s parents. She was disowned because Ted was a Muggle-born.
In the same summer that Harry Potter went off to find Horcruxes, wizards like Ted are being hunted. He knows what he has to do now. It’s the most painful decision he’s ever had to make. But he’s going to make these precious hours count.
One-shot companion to "From Opposite Sides".
I always think that the tragedy of Andromeda Tonks is largely ignored in the books and in fanfiction. She loses her husband, daughter and son-in-law to the war, and although she is left with a grandson, the knowledge that her Black family is responsible for so much of her unhappiness must have been incredibly disturbing for her. So, I very much like the set up here, and the story you have told. It’s beautifully written and the chemistry between Ted and Andromeda is palpable. I very much enjoyed their very sensual goodbye to each other. You didn’t skirt around them very probably having sex on their last together, and you wrote it beautifully. The line about the shadows merging into one was lovely. I do find so often in fanfiction that sex is seen as the preserve of teenagers, so it was refreshing to read of two fortysomethings still finding passion together.
I think there’s an error with your timeline, though. In the books, we hear Ted say that he’s only just met up with Dean, so to me that implies that it wasn’t a pre-planned escape together, but both chanced on each other. Ted and Dean knowing each other before, meeting up and planning to run off together seems fairly unlikely, partly because their age disparity doesn’t give them much commonality to have met before.
That was a minor quibble, though, and I very much liked the story. You brought Ted and Andromeda alive, so well done. ~Carole~
Summary: Frank had hoped that his and Alice's first Christmas together would have just a little more hope and cheer than this.
Second Place Winner for the Great Hall-iday Challenge of 2011, for the prompt "Christmas at Ground Zero."
This story was recommended to me by Gina (Gmariam) and I was hesitant at first because generally i don;t like sad stories :( and also because i'm trying to write a GH challenge story myself (not this prompt though). However I was very glad I did. This is a joy to read and even though we know things don;t turn out well for Frank and Alice, it still made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
I particularly liked the passage where she's telling him she's pregnant and he's thinking of all the things he has to do to keep them safe. Frank is lovely here. He's just a name in the books but you gave him a distinct personality - and Alice, too.
One minor query ... How did she know it was a boy? She can only be two months pregnant, so is it a magical thing the Healers can do. (That's me being interested and not picking fault, btw)
Good luck in the challenge and ... uh ... Welcome to Hufflepuff. ~Carole~
Author's Response: I think I owe half my readership on MNFF to Gina. I'm glad you took her advice. :)
You are correct - in my own personal fanon, I've determined that the simple diagnostic spell that determines whether or not a witch is pregnant can also determine the sex of the baby, as well as its health.
Thanks so much for reading, and I'll have tons of fun hobnobbing with my new badger mates. :D
Summary: Before Sirius, there was another Black sheep. Who would have thought she’d bring him back into the fold?
A Christmas Day Story.
OOOH, fabulous, Alex. This is brilliant. I love the twist that it's Bella who is there and listening to him. I was, obviously, expecting Andromeda, but wow - this was superb.
Sorry, this is wildly incoherent, but I literaaly reading with my mouth open. I adore the bits with the cigarette and her crushing the snowball under foot in the grey slush.
Yes, that's it - I love it.
Author's Response: I don't mind incoherent reviews! Thank you so much Carole :) I'm pleased you enjoyed the twist, and Bella. I do think I enjoy writing Bella maybe a bit too much, but still, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for this lovely review! Alex
You’ll never know
If you never try
To forgive your past
And simply be mine
I dare you to let me be your
Your one and only*
After Tonks’s declaration of love to Remus in the hospital wing, can she win him over, or will his doubts get in the way?
*Lyrics of Adele’s One and Only.
Written for the Ravenclaw Drabble Exchange. My recipient was the lovely Alex/Ithinkrabis2people. I hope you like it :)
A very credible version of how they got together, Soraya. I like this. It's sort of how I imagine their relationship (I actually have a draught somewhere of a Christmas spent together - ha ha) and you dealt with the very 'adultness' of their relationship very well.
If I have a nit pick (and it's minor and really just my opinion), it's that I can't see Remus swearing much. Tonks, yes, she comes across as very 'earthy', but Remus is generally quite mild mannered. However ... he is in an extraordinary situation, and so I can imagine him using expletives on the odd occasion (Sirius' death is one of them). Um, that's not really a crit, it's just my interpretation.
Good story. Well Done. ~Carole~
CAROLEEEEEE. Did I mention I love you? Seriously, thank you so much for the review.
This was originally going to be a lot longer, since I wanted to cover the, um, Christmas spent together too, hehe, but then I realised I couldn't because of the word limit of 1500 words, so it had to be pretty short. Thank you for saying I dealt with the adultness of it well -- it's not really something I write about very much, and I'm only a kid, lol.
Hmm, I get what you mean about Remus. I may go back and edit some of that out, though as you said, he was in a difficult situation, with Tonks, but also Dumbledore had just died so he was bound to be rather riled up.
Thank you so much for your review. Staring at that 0 for the past few days has been rather depressing, tbh, so thank you for such a wonderful review. <3
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy and Roxanne Weasley share gumdrops over three Christmas encounters. Eight years later, Roxanne does not remember anything except the gumdrops.
Thank you for writing a happy ending. Knowing how much you like to kill characters (Don't deny it!) I thought you were going to leave me bereft.
This story is gorgeous and I can taste the gumdrops in my mouth as I drool over your writing.
Really clever idea, but a real shame it doesn;t qualify for the challenge.
I feel all hopeful now, even though this is not my OTP. :p ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, Carole! I could have easily made this Scorpius/Lily for you and then it would have qualified, but I couldn't. It would have felt false. I have my doubts about it actually working, since I'm a bit of a closet Scorpius/Albus shipper thanks to Jess (and the fic I wrote for her) but I had to stick with what I originally planned in this case. Of course it was going to have a happy ending. First of all, it's Christmas! And second of all, whilst I do sometimes kill a lot of characters (and definitely like to put them through the romantic ringer for sure), I think more of my stuff is fluff, and only a few fics really truly end badly. I should rectify that, haha. We'll see. Thanks so much for reading this, I really appreciate the review and apologize for the late response! ~Gina :)
Summary: Victory Day. A day of celebration and remembrance . For Lily, it is also a day of confusion and sadness. She wants to understand in a world that knows no terror. This year, she'll discover exactly what Victory Day means to her.
Winner of the 2012 Next-Gen QSQ Award
This is lovely, Maple. You've written such a poignant story and I love the fact that although it's from Lily's POV, you also give a very good view of how all the other people are feeling on that day.
You really manage to convey the depressing atmosphere of that day and yet you give a wonderful sense of hope towards the end when Scorpius turns up. (I ♥ you for that and have forgiven you for killing Lavender ... LOL.)
Beautiful story. Sorry this review cannot do it justice. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :) -Maple
Summary: I couldn't believe I had to chop down the school Christmas tree with Lily Evans. Little did I know she had something else in mind as well...
GAHHHHHHH, LOvely. Wow, if I'm ever in danger of forgetting that you are the Queen of J/L, well here's the evidence. This is fantastic. I love love love that you've written from James' POV. You write him so brilliantly. And then ... wowzers, Lily initiating the kiss. It's just lush and lovely, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Lovely story, Gina. Thank you ~Carole~
Over fifty brave souls perished during the fight that took down You-Know-Who’s regime. However, not all of the victims of the clash that ended just this morning set foot on the grounds of Hogwarts last night. Numerous family members and friends will be spending these next weeks not celebrating, but planning funerals while raking up the pieces of their lives and wondering where they are supposed to go from here.
One boy was lost and alone -- looking for a lifeline, crying for help. But is anyone listening?
This story was nominated for two 2012 Quicksilver Quill Awards: Best Dark/Angst Story and Best General Story.
AGHHHHHHHHHH! Shit or Sugar if MNFF bleeps that out. despite the fact that I know this song very well, I just shivered all the way through this. You have nailed Dennis here. I, too, think he'd be damaged by the loss of his brother. No idea why, it's just a feeling. *sigh*
You wove this story very well. I mean, i knew it would end badly, but wasn't sure how badly. He killed someone - noooooo. And now I feel sorry for his Dad :(
Really brilliant story, Jess. You captured the song but also the Post-Battle angst so well.
I do feel rotten for killing Dennis. This was different than killing off Teddy; Teddy was an adult who made the choice to put himself in the line of fire and paid dearly for it. Dennis was just a kid who was trying to survive, and the worst that could happen to him did. The true tragedy, at least to me, is that Dennis could've been helped, could've been saved, if someone had actually taken the time to notice not just his loss, but how he was (or rather wasn't) dealing with it. He even did what he needed to do and reach out for help, but he just chose the wrong person in Harry, as Harry tends not to be the observant or commiserative type.
This story is def more effective when one knows the vibes from Stan. It adds an extra, almost sinister, flavour to it, but instead of Dennis being an obsessed fanboy, he directed his grief in a borderline obsessive way. It makes me want to hug him. :/
At any rate, thanks for reading and reviewing. It's not a story one can say they enjoyed, as I didn't particularly enjoy writing it, but it gets its point across. Hearts, Croll of the Dungeon!
Summary: The murder of a former Hogwarts student at Christmastime leaves Andromeda Black reconsidering all she's known.
This is solemnlyswear_x of Gryffindor, writing for The Great Hall-iday Challenge 2011 (Prompt 2).
Oh, this is great. And it’s rotten that it has so few reviews because I think you’ve caught a certain moment in Andromeda’s life quite beautifully. When she left the Black household to marry Ted, it was obviously a huge event, so what I love here is the shift of her perspective and how it’s not just down to knowing Ted. The murder of a witch she barely knew plays on her mind, and then seeing ted in the street just brings that all back to her. there’s no drama, there’s no huge act of rebellion, but there is a small one, and that makes perfect sense. I’ve always felt that Sirius’s rebellion would have been a huge thing, but also one that could have been foretold, but Andromeda’s probably hit the Blacks out of the blue. And perhaps that hurt them all the more. Maybe that’s the reason Bellatrix was so determined to kill her niece.
Anyway, back to the story. I wasn’t sure about the present tense, at first. It can come across as forced, as if we have to be aware that the events are unfolding as we read, but as I got into the story, I forgot any quibbles I had because the story flowed well.
One of the things I particularly liked in the story was your characterisation. It’s very easy to go over the top with Death Eaters, their supporters and their opponents. However, you reined back on the melodrama. At the point of confrontation, only the Lestranges were quick to react, and whilst some people might have written Bellatrix as the one who would hex Ted, this portrayal was much better because she stopped any fight, and thus showed how powerful she is. I liked Ted a lot as well. He would have stood up for himself, we know that, but he was also wise enough to know that he couldn’t have taken them all on. Andromeda’s appreciation of Ted was lovely to read, this slow realisation that had started in Potions, and seemed to meld into more than mere like but into something that could lead to love, was beautifully written.
One small pick:
You’re different that I thought you’d be, you know, he said.
I think you mean ‘than’ rather than ‘that’, and because it is a pivotal line in their relationship, it is one you should look at rewording. Other than that, I very much enjoyed this. Well done. ~Carole~
Summary: Death. It is completely inevitable; we will all irrevocably meet our end, someday. Of course, there are those of us who wish to deny it. But they will be proven wrong, one day.
A poem about Voldemort, and the fear he must face, as we all do.
I was hooked on from the start by the title, but also the opening lines set up a kind of intrigue, so I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. The repetition of ‘Memento Mori’ was particularly effective because just as I was getting into the whispers and quiet of the poem, and then you hit us with:
Screamed so loudly,
Like thunder, like lighting;
Released into the black night,
It suddenly filled the poem with so much power.
Then by repeating ‘remember’ you add another dimension to the poem because it evoked feelings of sorrow and pity for the poems recipient. Before I re read the summary I thought that this was about Snape remembering Lily, but the fact that it’s Voldemort makes much more sense, and it doesn’t matter because it speaks very well of love, loss and death which are themes applicable to both. (Lost boys, as Harry called them.)
I enjoyed reading this very much. Well done. ~Carole~
Summary: One failed photograph, two halved souls, and the numerous, marvellous machinations of destiny.
This story is a multi-functional product of four days' continuous typing and lack of sleep. It serves an entry for the Inaugural Great Hall Cotillion and a standby Birthday Present for Julia/the opaleye. More importantly, it marks my return to fanfiction after two months' hiatus, because that is kind of inhumanly long.
Thanks to Kara for reading the Prologue and motivating me, and Carole for Chipping-on-the-Wye.
DISCLAIMER: J.K.Rowling, I love you for giving me the HP universe, but you are not me and you definitely did not write this.
I've just realised something. I can't actually write at all. This is so beautiful.
The thing is, you've made me really care about Eloise in such a short time. I'm raging for her for not being at Hogwarts where she should be, I feel.
And then at the end, you throw in Dennis and his dad and poor Colin who we know has gone.
This is amazing. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! :D She should be at Hogwarts. But :/