What can I say. I live in London and am obsessed with a teenage wizard and his friends. Am I mad? Probably Do I care? Hell no!
EDIT: Grown? Um, probably not
For my first foray into the realms of fanfiction I've chosen to write about the Marauders. I'll always stick fairly closely to canon as I think JK knows best. Although I've enjoyed reading about other ships I, personally, don't think I could write with conviction about Ginny/Crabbe or Hermione/Mclaggan relationships.
EDIT: ha ha ha ha ha - How I have changed! I'm now firmly in the rare-pair, SSP, and things that aren't quite conventional camp, although I still loves me some James/Lily.
My second chaptered fic (Apparently Asleep) has started a love affair with Tonks/Remus and confirmed my obsession for all things Sirius. *sigh*
I am indebted to Terri (mudbloodproud) for being a great beta and all round amazing person. If it hadn't been for her encouragement I would have thrown in the towel many months ago.
EDIT: I have made a lot of wonderful friends during my past three years on MNFF, including (in no particular order) Natalie, Kara, Hannah/Bob, Jess, Gina, Lea, Lori, Julia, Minna, Emmahhhh, and the fantabulous BB.
I hope Mugglenet and you enjoy reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Huge thank-you to my niece, Amanda, for being one of the first to catch the Harry Potter bug and nagging me into reading them.
I’ve written a variety of stories, so here is them arranged in categories. Some are cross- referenced. So a James/Lily may appear in Marauder or Canon Romance
EDIT: I haven't written much Harry Potter fanfiction for a while. It is unlikely I'll update the two chaptered fics I first started as they became a little too long and unwieldy. Sorry about that.
A Second Chance
First Date Disaster
Flying, Fair Play and the Need for a Firm Hand
It Takes a Wolf to Prank a Dog
Learning to Fly
O.W.L.s, Quidditch and the Added Distraction of Sirius Black
Peace in Heaven
Ribbons, not Strings
Sixth Time's the Charm
Thank you for your time, Professor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Sum of the Whole
Who's That Girl?
Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express
'i'before 'e' (Percy/Audrey)
A Prize Above Rubies (Isla Black/Bob Hitchens)
Apparently Asleep (Remus/Tonks)
Birthday Girl (George/Angelina)
Bound in the Beating of Each Other’s Hearts (Narcissa/Lucius)
Coup de Foudre (Bill/Fleur)
Dancing Queen (James/Lily)
First Date Disaster (James/Lily)
Five weeks (Remus/Tonks)
Forces of Nature (Ron/Hermione)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
In The Stars (Draco/Astoria)
Key of the Door (Ron/Hermione)
Kissing the Joy as it Flies (Seamus/Lavender)
March Madness (James/Lily)
Not Quite Perfect (Bill/Fleur)
Sixth Time’s the Charm (James/Lily)
Snowball Fights (Teddy/Victoire)
Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part (Draco/Astoria)
You Dance Divinely (George/Angelina)
Non (or rather tweaked) Canon (apart from one story, these don’t break any canon.)
Better than Chocolate (Charlie/Tonks)
Heat of Life (Harry/Katie)
Her Tomorrows (Harry/Parvati)
Lavender, blue- A Gryffindor True (Lavender/Blaise)
Love At First Strike (Angelina/Terry)
Orphans of the Storm (Seamus/Parvati/Dean)
Passion Among the Primroses (Arthur/Mafalda)
Predictions of Love (Gilderoy/Sybil)
Ribbons, not Strings (Remus/Rosmerta)
Stars or Carousels (James/Dominique)
Summer’s Heat (Sirius/OC)
Teenage Witch (Charity/Myron Wagtail )
The Happy Couple (Harry/Ginny, Blaise/Lavender)
The Only One (Lavender/Blaise Teddy/Victoire)
The Untrodden Path (Draco/Hannah)
Where We Started From (Dean/Ginny)
Same sex Pairings
Apple-bobbing ( Lisa/Susan)
Close Your Eyes (Hermione/Lavender)
Drowning, not Waving (Oliver/Cedric)
Eyes That Know Me (Scorpius/Hugo)
Forbidden Colours (Tracey/Demelza)
The Dance We Do (Bellatrix/Amelia)
The Hat that Thinks it’s a Chair (Justin/Theo)
Truth Or Dare (Cormac/Zacharias)
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
Lockhart, Sprout and Two Smoking Goblets
Passion Among the Primroses
Predictions of Love
The Bacchus Book
Vampire - Ghost Child!
A Prize Above Rubies
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
An Outstretched Hand
Others (General, D/A, Post Hogwarts, Next Gen)
A Tangled Web (D/A)
All in the Genes (NG)
Chasing the Scoop! (Post Hogwarts)
Christmas on the Outside (General/Trio era)
Dean Thomas and the Reiver Curse (Post Hogwarts)
Diavol (Remus Trio Era)
Every Breath You Take (Post Hogwarts/Next Gen)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
Friends in Unlikely Places (Post Hog. Hermione)
Growing Old Disgracefully (Post Hog)
Lavender, blue (Trio Era)
Mere Wisps of Light (Post Hog. Draco fic)
Muggles, Magic and Misconceptions (Next Gen)
My Funny Valentine (Post Hogwarts)
Staring into the Fire (Trio Era)
The Waiting Game (D/A)
Whispers from the Past (Next Gen)
The Foolhardy Boys and Parvati, too
Who’s that Girl?
As They Watch
Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 1
Fairytale of Hogwarts
I Believed in Lily Evans
Master Barty Regrets
Queen of My Heart
The Daydream Pedlar's Song
The Labyrinth Mind
You’ll never know
If you never try
To forgive your past
And simply be mine
I dare you to let me be your
Your one and only*
After Tonks’s declaration of love to Remus in the hospital wing, can she win him over, or will his doubts get in the way?
*Lyrics of Adele’s One and Only.
Written for the Ravenclaw Drabble Exchange. My recipient was the lovely Alex/Ithinkrabis2people. I hope you like it :)
A very credible version of how they got together, Soraya. I like this. It's sort of how I imagine their relationship (I actually have a draught somewhere of a Christmas spent together - ha ha) and you dealt with the very 'adultness' of their relationship very well.
If I have a nit pick (and it's minor and really just my opinion), it's that I can't see Remus swearing much. Tonks, yes, she comes across as very 'earthy', but Remus is generally quite mild mannered. However ... he is in an extraordinary situation, and so I can imagine him using expletives on the odd occasion (Sirius' death is one of them). Um, that's not really a crit, it's just my interpretation.
Good story. Well Done. ~Carole~
CAROLEEEEEE. Did I mention I love you? Seriously, thank you so much for the review.
This was originally going to be a lot longer, since I wanted to cover the, um, Christmas spent together too, hehe, but then I realised I couldn't because of the word limit of 1500 words, so it had to be pretty short. Thank you for saying I dealt with the adultness of it well -- it's not really something I write about very much, and I'm only a kid, lol.
Hmm, I get what you mean about Remus. I may go back and edit some of that out, though as you said, he was in a difficult situation, with Tonks, but also Dumbledore had just died so he was bound to be rather riled up.
Thank you so much for your review. Staring at that 0 for the past few days has been rather depressing, tbh, so thank you for such a wonderful review. <3
Thank you for writing a happy ending. Knowing how much you like to kill characters (Don't deny it!) I thought you were going to leave me bereft.
This story is gorgeous and I can taste the gumdrops in my mouth as I drool over your writing.
Really clever idea, but a real shame it doesn;t qualify for the challenge.
I feel all hopeful now, even though this is not my OTP. :p ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, Carole! I could have easily made this Scorpius/Lily for you and then it would have qualified, but I couldn't. It would have felt false. I have my doubts about it actually working, since I'm a bit of a closet Scorpius/Albus shipper thanks to Jess (and the fic I wrote for her) but I had to stick with what I originally planned in this case. Of course it was going to have a happy ending. First of all, it's Christmas! And second of all, whilst I do sometimes kill a lot of characters (and definitely like to put them through the romantic ringer for sure), I think more of my stuff is fluff, and only a few fics really truly end badly. I should rectify that, haha. We'll see. Thanks so much for reading this, I really appreciate the review and apologize for the late response! ~Gina :)
This is lovely, Maple. You've written such a poignant story and I love the fact that although it's from Lily's POV, you also give a very good view of how all the other people are feeling on that day.
You really manage to convey the depressing atmosphere of that day and yet you give a wonderful sense of hope towards the end when Scorpius turns up. (I ♥ you for that and have forgiven you for killing Lavender ... LOL.)
Beautiful story. Sorry this review cannot do it justice. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :) -Maple
GAHHHHHHH, LOvely. Wow, if I'm ever in danger of forgetting that you are the Queen of J/L, well here's the evidence. This is fantastic. I love love love that you've written from James' POV. You write him so brilliantly. And then ... wowzers, Lily initiating the kiss. It's just lush and lovely, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Lovely story, Gina. Thank you ~Carole~
Over fifty brave souls perished during the fight that took down You-Know-Who’s regime. However, not all of the victims of the clash that ended just this morning set foot on the grounds of Hogwarts last night. Numerous family members and friends will be spending these next weeks not celebrating, but planning funerals while raking up the pieces of their lives and wondering where they are supposed to go from here.
One boy was lost and alone -- looking for a lifeline, crying for help. But is anyone listening?
This story was nominated for two 2012 Quicksilver Quill Awards: Best Dark/Angst Story and Best General Story.
AGHHHHHHHHHH! Shit or Sugar if MNFF bleeps that out. despite the fact that I know this song very well, I just shivered all the way through this. You have nailed Dennis here. I, too, think he'd be damaged by the loss of his brother. No idea why, it's just a feeling. *sigh*
You wove this story very well. I mean, i knew it would end badly, but wasn't sure how badly. He killed someone - noooooo. And now I feel sorry for his Dad :(
Really brilliant story, Jess. You captured the song but also the Post-Battle angst so well.
I do feel rotten for killing Dennis. This was different than killing off Teddy; Teddy was an adult who made the choice to put himself in the line of fire and paid dearly for it. Dennis was just a kid who was trying to survive, and the worst that could happen to him did. The true tragedy, at least to me, is that Dennis could've been helped, could've been saved, if someone had actually taken the time to notice not just his loss, but how he was (or rather wasn't) dealing with it. He even did what he needed to do and reach out for help, but he just chose the wrong person in Harry, as Harry tends not to be the observant or commiserative type.
This story is def more effective when one knows the vibes from Stan. It adds an extra, almost sinister, flavour to it, but instead of Dennis being an obsessed fanboy, he directed his grief in a borderline obsessive way. It makes me want to hug him. :/
At any rate, thanks for reading and reviewing. It's not a story one can say they enjoyed, as I didn't particularly enjoy writing it, but it gets its point across. Hearts, Croll of the Dungeon!
Oh, this is great. And it’s rotten that it has so few reviews because I think you’ve caught a certain moment in Andromeda’s life quite beautifully. When she left the Black household to marry Ted, it was obviously a huge event, so what I love here is the shift of her perspective and how it’s not just down to knowing Ted. The murder of a witch she barely knew plays on her mind, and then seeing ted in the street just brings that all back to her. there’s no drama, there’s no huge act of rebellion, but there is a small one, and that makes perfect sense. I’ve always felt that Sirius’s rebellion would have been a huge thing, but also one that could have been foretold, but Andromeda’s probably hit the Blacks out of the blue. And perhaps that hurt them all the more. Maybe that’s the reason Bellatrix was so determined to kill her niece.
Anyway, back to the story. I wasn’t sure about the present tense, at first. It can come across as forced, as if we have to be aware that the events are unfolding as we read, but as I got into the story, I forgot any quibbles I had because the story flowed well.
One of the things I particularly liked in the story was your characterisation. It’s very easy to go over the top with Death Eaters, their supporters and their opponents. However, you reined back on the melodrama. At the point of confrontation, only the Lestranges were quick to react, and whilst some people might have written Bellatrix as the one who would hex Ted, this portrayal was much better because she stopped any fight, and thus showed how powerful she is. I liked Ted a lot as well. He would have stood up for himself, we know that, but he was also wise enough to know that he couldn’t have taken them all on. Andromeda’s appreciation of Ted was lovely to read, this slow realisation that had started in Potions, and seemed to meld into more than mere like but into something that could lead to love, was beautifully written.
One small pick:
You’re different that I thought you’d be, you know, he said.
I think you mean ‘than’ rather than ‘that’, and because it is a pivotal line in their relationship, it is one you should look at rewording. Other than that, I very much enjoyed this. Well done. ~Carole~
I was hooked on from the start by the title, but also the opening lines set up a kind of intrigue, so I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. The repetition of ‘Memento Mori’ was particularly effective because just as I was getting into the whispers and quiet of the poem, and then you hit us with:
Screamed so loudly,
Like thunder, like lighting;
Released into the black night,
It suddenly filled the poem with so much power.
Then by repeating ‘remember’ you add another dimension to the poem because it evoked feelings of sorrow and pity for the poems recipient. Before I re read the summary I thought that this was about Snape remembering Lily, but the fact that it’s Voldemort makes much more sense, and it doesn’t matter because it speaks very well of love, loss and death which are themes applicable to both. (Lost boys, as Harry called them.)
I enjoyed reading this very much. Well done. ~Carole~
I've just realised something. I can't actually write at all. This is so beautiful.
The thing is, you've made me really care about Eloise in such a short time. I'm raging for her for not being at Hogwarts where she should be, I feel.
And then at the end, you throw in Dennis and his dad and poor Colin who we know has gone.
This is amazing. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! :D She should be at Hogwarts. But :/
I love Dennis! OOOH, this is so inventive and clever - ha. His manipulation of photos reminds me of my photobucket attempts - mwahahahahahahahaha.
I'm enjoying the periphery details in this. The details of Gemma Davies' sex life made me laugh - ha ha - but poor Eloise getting her satisfaction vicariously. Sympathy ... ahhh ... yes (tell her to take a shower).
,br> Um, minor typo Till date I think you mean 'To date'.
Um, what else, what else shall I say that will get me a SPEW award. Oh, poo, I don't know, just ... this fic is lovely. It's beautifully written, has incredible characterisation, an attention to detail that I'm so envious of, and a plot that is intriguing me.
Quite brilliant, and brilliNAT. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you for catching the error! :D It has been changed. :) I'm happy that you're enjoying the story so far.
Brit here .... It's Sheffield, not Sheffields ... but apart from that I have no issue with the geography :)
Oh, now then, there's me thinking that Dennis is lovely and hot and cool, and then you say he's going to do something cruel and I was on edge. I'm not sure what he's done to the photograph, but it must be to do with the nose she accidentally hexed off. (I love the detail that she keeps touching it by the way) OHH! Hold on, ha - reread, his supposed cruelty in his mind is that he's known her all along, but she's not upset by that, but the actual photograph. (Me being a bear of very little brain, but it's late.)
I loved the scene on the beach and her slipping off her cardigan as he took photos. Somehow that really drew me in and I could see the whole scene before me. Oh, and I'm starting to detest Gemma.Smug b1tch with her perfect straight hair and model looks. UGHHHH!
Bring on the next chapter, my love. ~Carole~
P.S. This isn't a pity review, it's a promised review. There's a difference.
Author's Response: AAAARH I KNEW THAT :'( Alex Turner is from Sheffield after all. Why did my fingers betray me? :/ Hahaha! How did I know you'd dislike Gemma? :D About that last part, it shall be revealed what's happening in the next chapter. :) It might not be a very shocking reveal, mind. Lol. And thanks for the review! I know it's a promised one :)
And sorry it's taking me until now to read the rest of this.
The back story of Dennis and Colin is incredible, padfootically, this is amazing. I love the fact (well i don't love but think it's GENIUS) that Colin was cracking up and had lost it. Wow. Tell me, was that part of the Amelie story, or was this your complete invention. It doesn't matter because it's just brilliant anyway and opens up so much about the Creeveys especially Dennis decision not to go back to school and cutting himself off from that part of his life. I really like his Dad in this. He's only a brief part but you can see it tears him that Colin has gone and Dennis is now in decline. he must have been torn with wanting Dennis to stay with him but also knowing he had to return to the WW hence giving him the watch. Oh wow.
DEEEEEEEEEAAAAAANNNN!!!! yayayayaya - I love him. Okay, I am totally picturing Alfie Enoch here, but ha ha ha I don;t care, he's gorgeous and so is Dean. and he's with Daph who is one hot ball of sexiness (please finish that story so I may die happy).
OH GODDDDD! Dennis meltdown at the end. Thatw as so sad, The Girl was mortal and silly just like the rest of us :(.
Okies, I must crack on, but I have a pick.
Mr Creevey was also peering at it. “Why, I never saw her in any of Colin’s other photos.” “That’s because she didn’t take any. C’mon, Dean, you ought to-”
That, to me, makes it sound as if Eloise was taking the pictures. I think you need to tweak it so it's clear she didn't want photos taken of her.
OH!!! i loved the Harry and Ron banter. harry's line ablout Ron remembering something from school made me LOL.
OH! (I will go soon). Must mention how well the Muggle world slips into this. I usually hate mentions of Muggle things, but this makes total sense. Dean being cool and having a phone helps - ha ha.
Um, there was something else ... Oh yes. Ha ha ha - I died, DIED I tell you, when Dean slated all the people wanting to be Aurors or teachers. hee hee hee. I love this fic, and I love the way you've written it. I thought it was going to be a love story, and I knew coming from you it would have a twist, but the depth to this is incredible.
Author's Response: Thank you for catching the errors! :D I always picture Colin as somebody brave but also frail. His manic enthusiasm and hero-worshipping would build up too much expectations, and when those expectations come crashing down, I think he'd snap. Also, ALFIE ENOCH. No one else can be Dean for me.
If the people of Chipping-on-the-Wye could stomach ever-blooming pansies and inexplicable heat waves, then she was pretty sure they could live with a nose that had mysteriously gone crooked.
and just as I'm laughing, you do this to me.
Perhaps, she had been trained too well to hear the noise of other people’s lovemaking from afar; the sound of ecstatic moaning coming from the next room was unmistakable. She halted.
The lovebirds you heard were probably Dean and his girlfriend,” Yeah, sorry, we were a bit noisy.
and hahahahahhah - the smut is incredible. OOO-ER!
Sorry, incoherence reigns here. I need to ask a sensible question regarding the opening. I really liked the inventivelness of her talking to Terry - although I understand it's not actually Terry, but part of her ... um ... mind/psyche/subconscious - what have you, so ... why Terry? I loved that part a lot and I'm not questioning the subject choice but I'd love to hear your reasoning behind it.
I said inventive just now. I think this whole story is inventive and fresh and original and I hope it wins :) ~Carole~
Author's Response: The scene with Terry is a mirror of the interview scene. Eloise has shut her past up so resolutely that I imagine she'd find it hard to open up, even to herself. That is why I had her conjuring Terry's image. I also tried to make the parallel clearer with the line "begin at the beginning", which is how Terry started the interview. :)
Gemma Davies was at it again, shrieking in ecstasy as though the devil himself was about. Lucky Gemma.
Ahhh. perfect Epilogue. It ties a few things up and yet leaves me thinking about the characters long after I click away from the story. You tied it up well and Gemma had even more sex - YAY! I do like the way you've given other POVs here, so everyone gets an ending of sorts.
Ah, you've taken two characters that I really didn;t think much about before and given them life. Thank you.
Lovely story and now going to favourites so I don't forget it. ~Carole~
Author's Response: <33333333333 for following it to the end and leaving such enthusiastic reviews! It makes me want to continue writing. :) I think I will, after a nap lol. Thanks for all the reviews, love and support!
GINAAAAAA! this is so heartwarming. You have really drawn such a lovely picture of Luna and the way she redeems people in her startling innocence and clarity. I'm not keen on Luna fics as a rule, but you really made her much more than the ditz.
I did think he'd have recognised her earlier. In my mind she has a distinctive voice - plus she was held at the Manor (I loved the way she didn't hold that against him) - so I wonder if he should have thought there was something familiar about the voice, even if he couldn't see her face and eyes.
Another minor nit-pick (sorry). A few of the creatures you mentioned should be capitalised - Veela, Hippogryff, Plimpy, and I'd add Mooncalf because it's a creature I think you've invented.
I loved the ending (good call to reclaim your canon card - heh heh). Luna and Draco wouldn;t really have worked, but I love the fact that she was there to give him the nudge to change.
Back to the beginning. Draco's life was so well written. Present tense - I'm struggling atm, but this was effortless. I adored his POV; you caught him so well!
Loved Astoria at the end, but then I adore her anyway. Lovely story ~Carole~
Author's Response: Carole!! A belated thank you for the lovely review. I'm glad you liked Luna here when you don't often enjoy reading her, that means I did okay by her. I'll have to nip in and change those capitals someday, although I did not invent the mooncalf! As for Draco recognizing her, I see your point (you and Natalie) and maybe someday I'll tweak that too. I didn't really think of it until I was quite a ways into the story and thought I'd found a decent way to address it. I can see how mentioning it earlier would help, but I can also see Draco's guilt keeping him quiet. Or maybe he didn't have much contact with her when she was held there. Maybe his parents shielded him from that. Haha how's that for a coverup? I think I had some half-cocked answer for Natalie as well, lol! Ah well, can't win them all. Am still glad the present tense didn't bug you and that Astoria got me my canon card back. And I thank you once more for the review!! ~Gina :)
Hmm, so my Poozy-Darls writing slash and Professors. I wasn't totally sure I believed my eyes - ha ha. Anyhow, I was intrigued and I also have a sneaky regard for Scugo (don;t tell Natalie that though) despite pairing Scorp with Lily.
First impression is that your 'smut' is very good. The rawness and immediacy are excellent and I really felt how intense it was between them. I wanted this to work out between them, but ... well ... it wasn't going to be.
for he’d be pre-warned about the, he would fine her right in the pool in front of him, entwined around Malfoy as the two of them moved vigorously in the water, completely naked. Pooja, this line doesn;t make sense. I think you mean 'them' not 'the' and 'find' not 'fine'. I'm also unclear as to the structure or I'd try and rewrite, but I think you need to fiddle with it a little.
“It’s about time you move on from it.” I think this should be 'moved' and not move.
As far as the story goes, I was interested in how this case had thrown them back together and the awkwardness over the cup of tea was excruciatingly good. But I did think Scorpius flipped a little quickly. I think it would have been better if they'd met again, say this had been spread over a few days, so that Scorpius going from 'I love Rosie and you need to move on' to 'Hugo I can't forget that night and I'm gay' didn't seem quite so rushed.
UGHH, and Hugo's advice sucks (this isn;t your fault - ha ha) Telling Scorpius to make it work with Rose just isn;t going to happen. Even if Scorpius doesn;t end up with Hugo, there's no way in the world that he's going to remain happy with Rose. He'll end up chasing other men and both will be incredibly happy. It's far better for her in the long run that they end it now. *sigh*.
Hmm, the modifying of memories. At this point I got very uncomfortable. Sorry, but this is such a gross invasion of privacy - letting a girl think you've slept with them and a boy forget you've had sex - it's akin to giving someone a date-rape drug. I really really have to question Hugo's morality here. He won't let Scorpius come clean to Rose because he won;t do that to his sister, and yet he was quite prepared to cover up his sexual indiscretions. I shivered at that bit - sorry - but it's so morally wrong, imo.
So, yes, I liked smut the smut in your story (heh heh), and the tortuous longing that both felt even after all those years. The reason they got together to chat was interesting, and didn't feel at all contrived. I liked these parts a lot, but I'm afraid the modified memories put me off, somewhat. (And now I feel mean :( - sorry)
Author's Response: Carole!!! :D Thank you so much for the long, descriptive review! :) And yes, Poozy-Darls has turned into Sleazy-Darls these days. :p So I've never written hardcore slash and I thought I must give it a try this one time. Of course, I loved doing it and will definitely try out Scugo again (do you know any nice Scugo fics? I have to read some now!) As for smut, three entries in the Smut-a-thon were mine. :p Actually when I wrote all the sex, I felt totally awful for Scugo because I knew they weren't about to get together, though they were perfect for each other. I'm so glad you liked the smut! That was the part which worried me the most. O.o I went through that particularly weird line and corrected it-- it was mostly typos, and I somehow managed to overlook all of it. I did that other correction too. Thanks for pointing those out to me! :) I took your your advice for most things, actually, I've corrected Hugo's morally incorrect decision with a better explanation too. I didn't realise the moral situation when I first wrote the piece! O.o Thank you so much, Carole, for helping me out there! As for Scorpius flipping, I tried to take that pointer from you too, but somehow I wasn't able to expand the timeline without any awkwardness. So I've inserted a couple of dialogues in between with Hugo saying, 'didn't you ask me to move on' and Scorpius awkwardly admitting his feelings after a couple of questions. It sounds better, I think. Actually, I remember something that came up while writing the story itself, which prevented me from spanning it over a few days. I just can't remember what that was... anyway, I've tried to correct that part as much as possible. That said, I'm glad the story intrigued you and that the smut impressed you (yay!). I also squeed and kinda did a jig when I saw the review. Thank you so much for your input, Carole! This one made my day! Really! *huggles*
Okay, my heart dropped when I saw this was second person. I really can't like it as a POV because it spins me outside of the story instead of drawing me in, but what was so brilliant here, was that you swicthed to first person and so my interest didn't stray.
This is a gorgeous story. I love the initial set up. Lysander is wonderful. He is so Luna like in his confidence, and yet so unlike her in that he can face reality. I love seeing him through Louis' eyes.
Psst - I love the sex in this. Just enough to be hot, and yet tangled up with wondrous emotions. Gah, will they last.?
Hmm, this is odd, I don;t have much canon for Louis yet, although he;'s nagging at me. I need to get some before this becomes my reality - eeeeeep. Natalie, hestiajonesperson, you are ebil, but fabulous.
Well done! ~Carole~
Author's Response: Haha! I decided on second person as I am writing for Ariana, but I thought the first person was better for getting more intimate with him in the memories. :D Thanks for the review!
This came joint first in the December Great Hall Challenge! Thank you to the judges!
Also nominated for Best Marauder Story in the QSQs! Thank you!
OHHHH, now, I wasn;t sure where this was going to begin with Sarah, and was expecting war filled doom and gloom, or even worse Lily ending up in Snape's arms - (you know how that would make me shudder), but this is good. I was totally surprised by the OC appearing and loved his characterisation. Mark seems to fit rather nicely into Lily's Muggle world and it is refreshing to see her with someone who isn't Snape or James. A good buffer between the pair of them. I particularly liked her recognition that if James had said the line she'd have been irritated beyond compare. Sometimes men just can't win, can they.
Good dtory, Sarah, and am adding to favourites now. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Carole! I could never have Lily ending up in Snape's arms. I don't think I could physically do it. But he pops up again in the next chapter for her to have a good old shout at, and unfortunately, the doom and gloom resurfaces a little. Poor old Lily. Thanks again for reviewing!
I love missing moments stories, Maple, and what you have here is a story packed with the types of things that could have happened when we weren;t following Harry. Hermione is great here. I love the nervousness when she first arrives at Hogwarts and the terror that she''ll get lost and the way she studied so she wouldn't feel out of place (but she still was alone :( ) I'm glad she had a friend in Oliver, who let's face it is so obsessed with Quidditch he probably needs someone talking to him about other things. (I love him really, you know that.)
And what she saw was both wonderful and absolutely terrifying. In that moment, she saw something in his eyes that she had never thought she’d see. It looked as if he wanted to kiss her.
Gahh, such unresolved tension there, but she's so young and scared and ... he wouldn;t have done it in front of everyone, but that was such a lovely moment. My favourite, I think, in the story.
I do think there were places where the dialogue took over a little. I know you were going through the books, and you did so very effectively, but sometimes I thought there was too much talking. (only a little, though)
,br> You retold the events very well. I had to check some things because I'd totally forgotten that she'd got on a broom as well when they were after the key. I'm too used to playing the PC game where it's just Harry - LOL.
nit pick“I heard that you, Ron, and Harry managed to cpture Flitwick’s key. By flying.” (capture)
Good luck in the challenge. This is a lovely story about friendship that could blossom into something more, but hasn't yet. I'm rather glad you resisted the temptation to turn it into a full romance, but still left the option for them to take up at a later date. Well done ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Carole. I definately think that this is one of the sotries I was most happy with, for sure. I can definately see that dialogue does become a little too dialoguy. Definately something I will work on as I continue to write. ACK! how did I not notice the capture thing?? Thanks again! Maple
Oh .... Gina, this is so so beautiful. I had my doubts because I know you were really struggling at one point, but this is so in keeping with their characters, and fits canon, and ... and ... and ... it's just lovely.
I love the simple pleasure they get in each others' company, the banter and ease they feel. And there's no bitterness, at all, (or I don't sense that) from Remus that James has moved on. I suspect that Remus has moved on, too, and yet there's a part of both of them which will be connected to water and the lake and everything wonderful and bright about Hogwarts.
How do you do it, make me cry a little with such a great story?
Okay, sorry, but I have a minor nit-pick.
There will fewer late nights at the pub, fewer midnight runs with the stag and the dog, fewer times spent with just him and not all four of them.
First, it should be 'will be' but also, this is confusing. James is thinking this, but he's saying he's going to run 'with' the stag and the dog. He's the stag. So you either need to change it to 'the wolf, rat and dog' or change 'with' to between - or something.
Anyway, that in no way at all detracts from such a beautiful story. Very touching, very bittersweet. *sigh* I have to go to work now, and all I want to do is curl up and shed a few tears over the loss of the Marauders *sob*
You wondrous witch. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank so (very late) for such an amazing review, Carole! I'm so glad it worked for you. I barely remember why I struggled with it now - I deleted what was pretty much a completely different story. It turned out rather well in the end, though. It is sad, to think of these sorts of things between them and then realize what happens later on. Very bittersweet, as you said. Sorry to make you cry. And yes, that line is confusing so someday I'll fix it, lol. Thanks again for the lovely review, it still makes me squee! ~Gina :)
Oh, this is sad and it tells a story. I love the way you've plotted this with so few words, and yet the tale is there before us.
You've managed to capture the despair that Harry must be feeling at seeing his son like this, and also Albus' helplessness because he can hear what is going on and yet is powerless to prevent what is happening to him.
Oh, I didn;t think he'd die, though. :( - Although that is probably preferable to being stuck in this terrifying limbo.
Lovely poem. I liked the structure, too. It flows very well and it's clear who is talking. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, Carole. :)
I can't imagine what Harry would be like, but I think it would hit him very hard- but the italics POV is the healer . . .
As for the death . . . anything would be preferable. And who's to say it was the actual possession that killed him? ;)Anyways, thank you so much for the lovely review!