Penname: Equinox Chick [Contact]
Real name: Carole
Member Since: 05/10/08
Website:
Beta-reader: No
Status: Member
Bio:
What can I say. I'm a grown woman living in London but I'm obsessed with a teenage wizard and his friends. Am I mad? Probably Do I care? Hell no!
EDIT: Grown? Um, probably not

For my first foray into the realms of fanfiction I've chosen to write about the Marauders. I'll always stick fairly closely to canon as I think JK knows best. Although I've enjoyed reading about other ships I, personally, don't think I could write with conviction about Ginny/Crabbe or Hermione/Mclaggan relationships.

EDIT: ha ha ha ha ha - How I have changed! I'm now firmly in the rare-pair, SSP, and things that aren't quite conventional camp, although I still loves me some James/Lily.

My second chaptered fic (Apparently Asleep) has started a love affair with Tonks/Remus and confirmed my obsession for all things Sirius. *sigh*

I am indebted to Terri (mudbloodproud) for being a great beta and all round amazing person. If it hadn't been for her encouragement I would have thrown in the towel many months ago.

EDIT: I have made a lot of wonderful friends during my past three years on MNFF, including (in no particular order) Natalie, Kara, Hannah/Bob, Jess, Gina, Lea, Lori, Julia, Minna, Emmahhhh, and the fantabulous BB.

I hope Mugglenet and you enjoy reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Huge thank-you to my niece, Amanda, for being one of the first to catch the Harry Potter bug and nagging me into reading them.


I’ve written a variety of stories, so here is them arranged in categories. Some are cross- referenced. So a James/Lily may appear in Marauder or Canon Romance

Marauder
A Second Chance
Contemplating Lilies
Dancing Queen
First Date Disaster
Flying, Fair Play and the Need for a Firm Hand
It Takes a Wolf to Prank a Dog
Juggling
Learning to Fly
March Madness
O.W.L.s, Quidditch and the Added Distraction of Sirius Black
Peace in Heaven
Ribbons, not Strings
Sixth Time's the Charm
Thank you for your time, Professor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Lions of Gryffindor
The Sum of the Whole
Veils
Who's That Girl?
Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express



Canon Romance
'i'before 'e' (Percy/Audrey)
A Prize Above Rubies (Isla Black/Bob Hitchens)
Acorns (Bill/Fleur)
Apparently Asleep (Remus/Tonks)
Birthday Girl (George/Angelina)
Bound in the Beating of Each Other’s Hearts (Narcissa/Lucius)
Coup de Foudre (Bill/Fleur)
Dancing Queen (James/Lily)
First Date Disaster (James/Lily)
Five weeks (Remus/Tonks)
Forces of Nature (Ron/Hermione)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
In The Stars (Draco/Astoria)
Key of the Door (Ron/Hermione)
Kissing the Joy as it Flies (Seamus/Lavender)
March Madness (James/Lily)
Not Quite Perfect (Bill/Fleur)
Reconnaissance (Remus/Tonks)
Sixth Time’s the Charm (James/Lily)
Snowball Fights (Teddy/Victoire)
Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part (Draco/Astoria)
Veils (James/Lily)
You Dance Divinely (George/Angelina)



Non (or rather tweaked) Canon (apart from one story, these don’t break any canon.)

Better than Chocolate (Charlie/Tonks)
Heat of Life (Harry/Katie)
Her Tomorrows (Harry/Parvati)
High (Scorpius/Lily)
Lavender, blue- A Gryffindor True (Lavender/Blaise)
Love At First Strike (Angelina/Terry)
Mirrors (Charlie/Penelope)
Misperception (Oliver/Cedric/Daphne)
Orphans of the Storm (Seamus/Parvati/Dean)
Passion Among the Primroses (Arthur/Mafalda)
Predictions of Love (Gilderoy/Sybil)
Ribbons, not Strings (Remus/Rosmerta)
Shrouds (Hermione/Draco)
Snapdragons (Charlie/OC)
Stars or Carousels (James/Dominique)
Summer’s Heat (Sirius/OC)
Swans (Mollyjnr/OC)
Teenage Witch (Charity/Myron Wagtail )
The Happy Couple (Harry/Ginny, Blaise/Lavender)
The Only One (Lavender/Blaise Teddy/Victoire)
The Untrodden Path (Draco/Hannah)
Where We Started From (Dean/Ginny)



Same sex Pairings
Apple-bobbing ( Lisa/Susan)
Close Your Eyes (Hermione/Lavender)
Drowning, not Waving (Oliver/Cedric)
Eyes That Know Me (Scorpius/Hugo)
Forbidden Colours (Tracey/Demelza)
Fracture (Theo/Justin)
Monochrome (Sirius/Remus)
The Dance We Do (Bellatrix/Amelia)
The Hat that Thinks it’s a Chair (Justin/Theo)
Truth Or Dare (Cormac/Zacharias)



Humour
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
Lockhart, Sprout and Two Smoking Goblets
Passion Among the Primroses
Predictions of Love
The Bacchus Book
Vampire - Ghost Child!

Historical
A Prize Above Rubies
Aberforth Dumbledore: A Love that Dare not Bleat its Name
An Outstretched Hand
Shadows Deep

Others (General, D/A, Post Hogwarts, Next Gen)
A Tangled Web (D/A)
All in the Genes (NG)
Chasing the Scoop! (Post Hogwarts)
Christmas on the Outside (General/Trio era)
Dean Thomas and the Reiver Curse (Post Hogwarts)
Diavol (Remus Trio Era)
Every Breath You Take (Post Hogwarts/Next Gen)
Forever Dancing (Alice/Frank)
Friends in Unlikely Places (Post Hog. Hermione)
Growing Old Disgracefully (Post Hog)
High (NG)
Lavender, blue (Trio Era)
Mere Wisps of Light (Post Hog. Draco fic)
Muggles, Magic and Misconceptions (Next Gen)
My Funny Valentine (Post Hogwarts)
Staring into the Fire (Trio Era)
The Waiting Game (D/A)
Whispers from the Past (Next Gen)



Mysteries
The Foolhardy Boys and Parvati, too
Who’s that Girl?
Xanthe Interrupted
Zeitgeist



Poetry
Askew
As They Watch
Beyond Beseeching
Celestina's Songbook: Christmas Edition, Volume 1
Cold Dreams
Draco's Journey
Enslaved
Fairytale of Hogwarts
Flying High
Forever France
Frozen Silence
Hexed!
Hey, brother
I Believed in Lily Evans
Master Barty Regrets
Phoenix Flames
Queen of My Heart
Sirius, Baby
The Daydream Pedlar's Song
The Four
The Labyrinth Mind
Unreconciled

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Reviews by Equinox Chick
 

Always Come Back to You by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Sometimes, James wished Lily wouldn't be so stubborn; sometimes, Lily wanted James to understand.

Written for the wonderful Gina/Gmariam, the greatest James/Lily champion I know. You inspire me lots!



Warning: This story is originally rated Professors for sexual situations. The rating has been changed temporarily only because we're having some technical problem with stories that have higher ratings. So, please click at your own discretion.

Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1732 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/29/11 Updated: 04/29/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 04/29/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Gah, just wonderful. Not too graphic but just perfect and normal and earthy and raw and natural.

Lily’s first experience was nothing special either; it was hurried, and the boy certainly hadn’t waited for her to come before trembling against her with a godawful groan. This line made me smile and groan. The subtlety of the awfulness of her first time really hits home. I also adored the jealousy she felt about him being with other girls. But James is hers ... no doubt about it.

Gorgeousness. ~Carole~

Author's Response: YAY!

First times are overrated. Really. Thanks for reading and revieeeeewing! (That's me squee-ing.)

~Natalie

 

Summary: A poem chronicling the famous Battle of Hogwarts.

Many thanks to Jezza and Cazza for their suggestions. This poem placed third in the Battle Challenge at Poetry Anyone?

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 224 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/02/11 Updated: 05/02/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/02/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Then came the hour of dark despair, The Boy Who Lived was now no more; Yet Neville swung his mighty Sword, And brought hope back to the fore.

Gah, never quite thought of it like that. Despite seeing harry dead, Neville carried on fighting.

I think I love him.

Natalie, this is a great poem. It flows exceptionally well and the tension holds throughout the poem. Well done. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Gods, I fail. :( I forgot about these reviews. Thanks for the read and review! I love Neville, too.

~Natalie

 

Chosen by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary:

Dumbledore's Army taught Neville Longbottom how to fight. But soon he would learn what it truly meant to take a stand, to fight back.

 

This poem was nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Poem



Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 130 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/02/11 Updated: 05/02/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/02/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Very clever. It's such a great moment, this. Neville staring up at the walls of Hogwarts and accepting his destiny, even though he has no real idea what he's letting himself in for.

He's not a stand in - he's Teh BAMF! (would be more literary, but it's late ...) Good luck with teh challenge, ~Carole~

Author's Response:

Hiiiiiii, Croll!

What I wanted was a personal revelation for Neville that, while the situation was bigger than any one of them, he could be bigger than anyone really gave him credit for. Not only that, he had to be. I don't know if I did any of that (maybe half, at least, lol), but I dids mah best, mate.

Hmm, I wonder if a certain, er, member will have started harrassing Jules for the results yet, lol.

~Jezza 

 

Mourning/Morning by Gmariam
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: A short poem written for the brother left behind.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 142 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/02/11 Updated: 05/02/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/02/11 Title: Chapter 1: Mourning/Morning

Oh, so sad, yet heartwarming. I think it's Fred and George, Fred being the happier of the two because he can see the victory in sight. So sad yet so true ~Carole|~

Author's Response: A very belated thank-you, Carole. I appreciate you reading and reviewing this poem! Actually, the second stanza, about the brother returning, refers to Percy coming back. As for the narrator, that would simply be one of the other Weasley boys. I honestly can't remember who I wrote it for at the time, how sad is that? THanks again! ~Gina :)

 

A Change of Heart by MadEyeMaddy
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Sometimes a change of heart can lead to the best of things.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 157 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/02/11 Updated: 05/05/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/07/11 Title: Chapter 1: A Change of Heart

I think this is sweet. Yeah, it's cheesy, but cheese makes me smile and you haven't gone overboard with the fluff, so it works.

You're a bit infrequent with your punctuation. To me, you either use punctuation in poetry all the time, or else you ignore it. But you have a semi colon in one part and then a fullstop at the end, so it makes me wonder why you've put them in.

If you were to add punctuation, then you could look at this line This could be maybe be love and consider dashes to separate out the 'could be' and 'maybe be' parts. It's just a line that made me trip up a touch.

I do like this, though, it had an energy and flow that was endearing. And James/Lily are my OTP, so it's all good for me. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Awww thank you so much for this long review <3. I do agree I have a bit of a poetry punctuation issue that I need to address. Criticism is appreciated, thanks! --Maddy

 

Moons by Northumbrian
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 32]

Summary:
July 2010 and a young married couple are out for a relaxing and romantic day. An afternoon at the theatre, followed by a meal to bring back memories. It should be a fairytale day. Unfortunately, it is.

This is a sequel to Moon and is another story featuring Mark Moon (Best Original Character - Quicksilver Quills 2010). A lady named Lavender appears too.


Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 12941 Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/03/11 Updated: 05/06/12


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 07/17/11 Title: Chapter 2: Perturbation

OOH noooo, Lavender, don't follow them. You'll get caught by the moon.

I seriously am excited by this story. I love your Lavender, and Mark just fits so sweetly into your canon. Anyway, this is a clever story and I adore all the extra details you've added about the Wolfsbane and the law where she has to stay locked up.

I believe that last time I criticised some of Lavender's 'dirty talk', but here I thought it was really good and totally in keeping with the woman you've created here.

There were one or two places where you missed out a word or two.

Unfortunately, it not prevent the physical change at all. and

‘I’m sorry, Mark; sometimes forget that you can’t smell everything I can.

I loved the flashback to the bridesmaid scene and also this set of lines. He joked that it was the only time he could talk to her without being interrupted. It was a joke, but it was also true. Those nights were when he really opened up to her, when she couldn’t reply. Mark seems so unassuming, but it's lovely to see that Lavender really does appreciate him. (I've read Moon, so I know the back story to their relationship).

Oh, and she's quite right, thirty is not old! Great story. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thanks.
Next: Penumbra.
Will Lavender follow? What do you think?
I intended to amend the dirty talk in the last chapter, I forgot! I will do that tonight. I will correct these errors, too. Thanks.
There will be more snippets about the Mark/Lavender relationship, this time from Marks perspective, in the next chapter. We will also move further into the realms of fairy-tale (or possibly Stepney).
Im beginning to suspect that forty isnt old either!
Neil

 
Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/12/11 Title: Chapter 1: Inclination

Usually I run a mile when I see a Lavender story. Most people still think she's a mush head who still carries a torch for Won-Won, and that irritates me because how many people remain the same twit they were at 16? But, I know you write a Lavender Brown who is not that mush head, so obviously I clicked on.

I loved the setting (I recently went to the Globe so could visualise it), and the plot is intriguing enough for me to look out for updates. I also adore Mark Moon who is such a good OC - very well fleshed out.

I noticed one or two typos But most of the time I think that sensible, predictable you don’t deserve someone as gorgeous and perfect as me! Have you booked a table in the restaurant?’ You've either missed out a word/phrase here (someone as sensible and predictable as you - perhaps) or you need to change 'don't' to 'doesn't'.

‘Kitty needs her sausage, I kind of cringed at that bit. It didn't seem very in keeping with Lavender, and I don't mean the Lavender from the books, or the one I write, but actually your one. It just strikes me as both not crude enough - it's twee - (she's an Auror and werewolf, she's have heard a lot worse), and also rather an odd thing to say (do cats eat sausages?) Yes, I do know this is a sexual reference but the metaphors are mixed. It was really the only thing that jarred me in the dialogue which up to then had been very good. I think she'd probably say something more sexual and less euphemistic, that's all.

I loved the end, and will no doubt click again when you update. ~Carole~

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

With two tiny appearances in the battle, JKR established (at least to my satisfaction) that Lavender did a lot of growing up in her final year. I hope that my Lavender is still a little shallow and obsessed with boys, and looking good.

You ask how many people are the same twit that they were at sixteen?
Sometimes I am accused of that offence.
Ill recheck for typos. I thought Id caught them, but obviously not.

As for Lavenders rather odd remark, youre right. I still have not learned that, if Im unhappy with something, even the smallest phrase, its because its wrong and I should not simply leave it in and hope that no one notices. Rewrite required!
-N-

 

it might not be, but still by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Before Remus leaves for the Battle, what goes on in his mind?

Winner of the Copycat Challenge; written after the style of e e cumming's it may not always be so;and i say.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 256 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/08/11 Updated: 05/08/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 08/10/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This poem fits Remus and Tonks so beautifully, and I didn't notice - at all - the words we had to add. That is truly a remarkable feat because Lumos was a bugger in this challenge.

I'm struggling to find my favourite part of the poem because it is all so good and sweet and relevant to the Potterverse.

Very touching and so very Remus.

~Carole~

Author's Response: This was such a sad poem to write because we all know how that night ended for them. :( And Lumos was a PITA, I agree. Thanks for the reviewwww <33 (I have lost count of the response number.)

 

Not Alone by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary:

Hermione never left Harry's side...

...But that doesn't mean she never thought about it.



Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 105 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/11/11 Updated: 05/11/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/13/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Ah, poor Hermione and her dilemma. Obviously she couldn't do a Ron and leave, but there must have been times when she wished she could do a runner. You have portrayed her loneliness during those times quite brilliantly. Harry, the brooder, barely speaking. Hermione ever-hopeful that he'll gain some respite, and perhaps that Ron will return (at least the relieve the tension by letting her have a good old rant - HA!.

There are places here where I thought it a bit syllable heavy. Generally, where I think the lines work best is where you have an 11 or 12 syllable pattern, so it might be worth trimming some of the words from certain lines

Even when the dangers and prejudice of the world outside I'd cut 'prejudice' from this line. I don't think it's absolutely necessary to the feel of the poem and it makes the line a bit stumbling to read.

I love the images here - the 'serpentine dreams', 'Horcrux-poisoned thoughts,' and the first stanza immediately painted a picture of them in that awful tent.

Enjoyed the poem, Jess, I'd have just tweaked it a little bit. ~Carole~

Author's Response:

I so get how that bit is stumbly. I looked over it, trying to cull it down, but I couldn't put it together.Yay for that!

I'm glad you like the content and the feeling of it. I was hoping that Hermione contemplating skipping out wasn't too strange or inconceivable to portray in a hair over 100 words, lol.

Thanks for stopping in. :D

~Jess

 

Tooth and Claw by welshdevondragon
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 21]

Summary: Past Featured Story"It's really rather tooth and claw. Most things want to bite or sting or kill you," Gloria Greengrass tells Winston Flint, as they walk through the woods together after Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy’s wedding.

Shortly afterwards Gloria is found murdered. As the Auror Fabian Prewett begins to question the suspects, he finds himself asking who would want to kill a fifteen-year-old girl?

This is welshdevondragon of Gryffindor writing for the 2011 Mysterious May Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt number two

Due to the current MNFF glitch, I have changed the rating to 3rd-5th years BUT this is a 6th-7th years story, and therefore should be read as such.

Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mental Disorders, Non-Consensual Sex, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse, Violence

Word count: 20321 Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/11/11 Updated: 06/07/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 06/10/11 Title: Chapter 5: Bluebells

Oh! I didn't think it was Regulus, although he always seemed to be there, didn;t he?

Very well plotted, Alex, and an intriguing mystery.It was all so dark as well. Poor Winston. I really hoped he'd be out of Azkaban ... couldn't Regulus have sent the Aurors a confession ...pretty please? Mind you, I don;t think Winston would have been happy without Gloria. I loved the writing by her grave, it was very touching. And the sex scene with Florence was really well written.

All in all an excellent mystery. Well done, and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY


~Carole~

Author's Response: Oh, I'm pleased you didn't guess who it was. And thank you for your help with chapters 2 and 3- it really did make this story so much better, and I'm glad you thought it was good enough to read the last two chapters and review it. I don't think Winston would have been happy Gloria either, but he still probably would have been happier out of Azkaban. I think Regulus confessing would have been OOC.

Anyway thanks for the lovely review and the birthday wishes- I really appreciate both :) Alex

 

What Money Can Buy by welshdevondragon
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Past Featured StoryFlorence Delaine thought that all she needed in life was a wealthy husband. When she marries the violent Edgar Parkinson, she discovers that money cannot buy her happiness and determines to thwart her husband in the few ways she can.

Florence is a very minor character in my story Thin Red Lines and a more important one in another story of mine, Tooth and Claw. This one-shot takes place before Tooth and Claw.

Nominated for a best dark/ angsty story Quicksilver Quill. Thank you!

Due to the current MNFF glitch, I have changed the rating to 3rd-5th years BUT this is a 6th-7th years story, and therefore should be read as such.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Non-Consensual Sex, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 1363 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/13/11 Updated: 05/17/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/17/11 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

OOH, Alex. Really powerful story here. I clicked because I have some prior knowledge of your Mystery story and am glad I did. You do write OC's very well. They're incredibly well fleshed out and I could picture them in my mind as I read on.

I should start on Thin Red Lines now. I don;t usually read OC stories because I find they rarely interest me, but this is good and you've hinted at enough of the canon characters for it to intrigue me. (I dislike Rabastan very much in my personal canon).

Well Done ~Carole~

Author's Response: I love writing OCs/ canon characters who are pretty much OCs, so I'm really pleased that Florence came across as realistic. She just appears very briefly in Thin Red Lines (Rabastan slightly more so) so if you blink you might miss her. I hope you enjoy Thin Red Lines (I won't hold it against you if it gets too OC-y for you :) ) Thanks for the review- reviews, particularly in mid-exam horror, really cheer me up. Alex

 

The Victory Day Victims by Sainyn Swiftfoot
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary:

Two successive Victory Day parties; two survivors of the War poisoned. Similar circumstances, similar poisons, similar modi operandi.

 

Henry Chumly is an old, callous, unaccepting, misogynistic and in every way completely unsavoury drunk. Almost coincidentally, he also happens to be the best detective at the new agency of the Ministry, the the Cadwallader-Hundert Agency for Response to Malmagic.

 

Padma Patil is young, pretty, talented and excited to work at the Ministry, cracking cases and nabbing criminals. Before her application is accepted, though, she has to spend the customary few weeks working under a professional detective. She expects ennui, tasks far below her talents and frustration; but nothing anyone had ever told her prepared her for Henry Chumly.

 

This is the story (if you ask him) of how Henry put up with the bint and solved the case single-handedly or the story (if you ask her) of how Padma stunned everyone by not only managing to avoid murdering her utter bastard of a superior, but also being the first probationer to play a pivotal role in solving a case. This being a mystery, and in tune with the essence of mysteries, if you wish to find out the truth, you’ll have to read on till the end.

 

[chaptered; OCs and minor characters; comic mystery]

 

This is Sainyn Swiftfoot of Hufflepuff writing for the 2011 Mysterious May Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt 2.

 

The views expressed by the utterly hateable Henry Chumly are not those of my own. Please do not take offense. 



Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Slash, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse, Violence

Word count: 29131 Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/15/11 Updated: 07/13/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 06/02/11 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Where we are introduced to the dramatis personae

I'm going to go for Justin because he has a silly name.

You obviously have this all very well planned out and the relationship between Padma and Henry is brewing nicely. Obviously, I find Henry obnoxious, but there's a part of me thinking he's putting some of this on. He seems to want to deliberately provoke her which is vile, but his provocative statements sometimes seem a touch bizarre. I'm actually thinking of the attack against women having a drink. It seemed to be a bit out of place to suddenly come out with that and I wondered if it would be better if he was thinking that, or mumbling it at no one in particular. When it came to the homophobia, that was done much better with him thinking about 'the pointy ends' rather than saying it.

That's quite minor,but I wanted to mention it because otherwise you risk turning him into such an anti-Gary-Stu, that he becomes a caricature. He hasn't at all, yet, by the way. At the moment he's just thoroughly objectionable, but I hope to see one or two redeeming qualities in him.

I'm enjoying the mystery aspect of this, very much. Why would someone want to murder two former DA members? Would it really be a DE out for revenge? They weren't that effective, were they? Hmmm, keeping us guessing - good job. ~Carole~

 
Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 06/02/11 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Where Padma finally stands up to Henry and we meet more people

Okay, I'm a bit lost and too lazy to read the first chapter, but was Hannah at Susan's party? I thought she would be because they were friends, and I wondered if any other DA members were there as well? Obviously Padma wasn't or she could have described the scene, so was it just Puffs there...and why Avery? Hmm, this is intriguing. has Padma made her DA coin into a ring? Susan's parents annoy me (not your fault), but throwing her a party and inviting their friends and not wanting her to live a little after that hideous year they had a Hogwarts, they make me angry. Grrrr.

Small nit pick

Henry presumed he that he supposed to feel angry, or hurt, or some other unnecessary emotion. This sentence doesn;t make sense, too many 'he's' and a missed 'was', I think.

I like Padma in this chapter. The fact that she's started to fight back is good, and I am very pleased that her POV is coming into play now. OOOH, the touch with the wine made out of elves - joke or not, that is spooky.

Okay, I'm up to speed now. The story is getting very interesting. ~Carole~

 
Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/20/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Where there is a dead body

Yay, great start, BB. I love Henry - well I don't love him because he;s obviously an utter git (ugh to the bedwetting) but he is a great character. Actually I have some sympathy for him. Padma sounds a little idealistic and he could well be trying to unsettle her.

Hmm, not many suspects yet (but then I haven't got many either), but I'm pretty sure you're going to expand on this and introduce some others soon.

I love your little extra touched here - the CHARM agency, Justin working for a politician, it all fleshes the story out beautifully.

“We’re married,” said Lavender. “We got married three months ago. I’m a journalist for the Prophet—“ Yay, you gave Lavender a career and she's not a mush head. small nitpick Grumbling, Harry unwillingly got up and tried to dig out the robes he had been wearing the day before, which could only possibly be less dirty than the ones he was wearing at the moment. I know Harry is a nickname for Henry, but I really think you mean Henry here ...

Look forward to reading the rest. I can tell this is going to be a bumpy, yet intricate, ride. ~Carole~

Author's Response:

Caaaarole! Thanks for the review! You'll find out how Henry turns out in the future chapters, don't worry :D About the suspects, you'll be introduced to them all in the next chapter, so no worries.  You're going to get more Lavender as well.

 

Kara already pointed out the Harry/Henry thing to me, I think I've changed it >.< I can never really be sure with the crappy, on-and-off internet connection here, but I think I have xD Thanks again for the review, and I'm glad you liked this chapter :D

 

The Last by Gmariam
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: In a world destroyed by bitter hatred, where magic is gone and her family dead and buried, a young woman makes her way to the Department of Mysteries, where she finds the one thing she was least expecting.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3228 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/15/11 Updated: 05/15/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/16/11 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

Very bleak, but you at least left us with the hope that they can repopulate the world we love.

Great writing, as always, Gina. I'm not sure I needed all the chapter end notes because you weaved the story well enough that I'd picked up most of the back story.

Who was the Squib - evil, evil blighter! Was he a Malfoy or .... a Lestrange?

I want to say enjoyable read, but it wasn't enjoyable exactly. It was, however, enthralling and gripped me. Great job. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Carole - that was exactly the point at the end, that they could repopulate the world. Yay! The Squib is actually a Greengrass - Daphne's granddaughter, if I recall correctly from my scribbled notes in a notebook somewhere upstairs. So, you were close. I'm thinking the Malfoys in particular treated him poorly. Thanks for reading this. I know it's not enjoyable, exactly, like you said, but I'm glad it worked and the things I wanted to come through did. Maybe I'll edit the end notes since no one has questioned the thing yet. Thanks again! ~Gina :)

 

The Flawless Caper by Liandrin
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have taken the case. But when a pretty dame offers Theodore Nott the unsolvable case of the century, he takes it. *ON HIATUS*

Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Mild Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 23202 Chapters: 5 Completed: No
Published:
05/16/11 Updated: 06/30/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/22/11 Title: Chapter 1: The Dame

I knew when I read the summary that I was going to enjoy this. It's as if I've walked straight into a Philip Marlowe story; the atmosphere is just wonderful. Really, I could picture myself in that office with Theodore and Elizabeth

In my own personal canon, Theo is gay, so I tend to start reading him with that in mind, but you quickly dispelled that from my mind and I became totally entranced by him. Oh, and Tracey, too. “Enchant,” she mimicked, making kissing noises as she pecked at her own hand. “I, Theodore 'Desperate For A Shag' Nott, am eternally at your service.” This line is still making me giggle and I admit my eyes are watering. I could hear her voice so well, at this point.

So far ... so very good. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you, Carole. I was somewhat nervous about writing a story like this because not only have I never written mystery, I haven't read it either. I'll have to rectify the latter.

In my personal canon, Theo is not nearly this charming, but more of an exceedingly bright loner. Well, two out of three ain't bad. Lol. Tracey, on the other hand, has always been an unforgiving smart arse in my mind. She is a lot of fun to play with. I'm hopeful that you'll like the introduction of a favourite character of yours in the third chapter. Until then, here's wishing to the second chapter being validated soon.

Thank you, again, for reviewing. ~Lia

 
Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 06/01/11 Title: Chapter 2: Diamonds Are Forever

Oh, even more intriguing. I like the touch about the curse, so it has to be a family member who has them. Hmm, we've not met many people yet, so I'm not going to hazard a guess.

You're keeping up the tension very well, Lia, and your characters are well fleshed out. So well done.

One thing - does Theo really stub out the cigarette in his palm? That sounds very drastic and painful, or is he holding it in his palm and uses his wand to extinguish it. Minor point, but I did have to re-read that paragraph several times and I was still unsure. His lack of reaction bothered me. Cigarettes are so much hotter than candle flames and I'm not sure you could pinch them out (not that I've ever tried.)

Sorry, very minor ... must now get on with the next chapter.

~Carole~

Author's Response: No, he did stub it out in his palm with no reaction. I'm basing it on the fact that he had just shot up and wasn't feeling much of anything. Sadly, I had an uncle who did that. He was so numb from all the drugs he had taken and his hands were so calloused that he just didn't feel it. It used to freak me out. That, or he was the ultimate bad ass. Lol. I'm glad you like the rest of the story. The suspects are few, but I think you still might be a tad surprised. Maybe. Maybe not. ^_~ Thank you so much for reading and review, Carole. ^^

 
Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 06/01/11 Title: Chapter 3: Gringotts

AHHH! The backstory is amazing! I loved that dream of his - so powerful. Wow, this is fast becoming addictive - so well done for that. I'm going to suspect Mary ... because ... well, even if the aunt willed her the diamonds, it doesn't help her much because she can't sell them, so she wants the house.

Or Kip, who has found a way to sell them and is making a bid for freedom.

Or Lizzie ... but not sure why.

Nott is fab in this. So different from my image of him, but that's what fanfiction is all about. The drugs are shocking, but so well written. I understand the cigarette stubbing now, but would respectfully suggest that the stubbing out still leaves a mark in his palm along with some others. It would help show his lack of feeling in the hand. (sorry, still nitpicking)

Hmm, I wonder who the old wizard is? Is it Caractacus Burke or Bourgin?

Guess I'll have to keep reading - no real chore - ha ha. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Yes, I thought since I've made him a bit of a drug addict, I should probably give a hint of a reason why. Lol. I plan to drop more subtle hints throughout, so you get a clearer picture, but I think I might just end up writing the backstory to it after. It's hard not to become addicted to Nott. ;)

Thanks so much, Caroline. I shall definitely go back and include the mark on his palm. I agree that it will add more to his sense of numbness. As for the old wizard, I just figured him to be a proprietor of one of the shops on Diagon Alley. He seems too nice for Burke or Bourgin. :P

The next chapter will be in the queue tonight. I just need to give it a look over before I submit (the woes of being your own beta reader). I do think you'll like this next chapter as Tracey is in it again, mocking Nott, and a favourite character of yours is in it too. Here, let me tease you with the title of chapter four: Blaise Zabini.

 

Because You Came by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 37]

Summary: As soon as he saw her, Draco knew she was the one. But Astoria wasn't like any girl he had ever met. To get her, he would have to become something beyond who he was. He would have to get his life back in order and change for good.

Written as a birthday present for two fierce lawyers of Ronald Weasley - Amanda/ahattab33 and Lori/WeasleyMom.

Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling.

Winner of the 2011 QSQ's Best Canon Romance Story (Chaptered)



Warning: This story is originally rated 6th-7th year for excessive swearing and sexual situations. The rating has been changed temporarily only because we're having some technical problem with stories that have higher ratings. So, please click at your own discretion.

Categories: Draco/Other Character Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Substance Abuse

Word count: 17419 Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/19/11 Updated: 08/10/11


Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 06/26/11 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

YAY! he has a job!

Okay, this is a total squeeeee review, because I actually know the whole story - ha ha - but also because I've had a glassa (and I saw Glee today so my head is full of Mr Puckerman (and Santana)

You know I love this story.It's a great take on Draco after the war. Not utterly redeemed but getting there. And again, your story is very entertaining. LOVE IT.

Author's Response: YAY for glassas and squeey reviews! <3

 
Reviewer: Equinox Chick Signed
Date: 05/19/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Thank Merlin and Salazar that there are more chapters. I thought this was a one shot, and then I'd have had to kill you.

I like this al lot. Draco is fast becoming one of my favourite characters - not the leather pants version beloved by Dramione lovers, but the one that realises he needs some form of redemption and is a git.

I love Goyle here. He's got his life back together in sharp contrast to Draco ... tell me, does he write poetry? (hee hee). It's good that he has a voice, I can't recall him speaking much.

Astoria is glorious. I am expecting big things from you about her.

All in all, I like this very much. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank Merlin and Salazar the first four chapters are already finished. Or else, I'd have to hide from you, and it would be impossible to do that. I am so happy you liked it YAY.

Goyle reads Shakespeare's sonnets. As someone wise and all-knowing said, Shaxy was a wizard. And I hope you like my Astoria - she's different from how I usually write her. D: She's no longer a Healer. Thanks so much for the revieeeew!

~Natalie

 
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